Perhaps Not to Be
by mamasutra
Summary: When he chose another I refused to be broken over it. I went on and made a near perfect life all the while I mourned my loss of who I thought he was. I had found comfort in that we were just not meant to be. Why is he reappearing in my life now?
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

In the meeting that morning I could tell that it was going to be one of those days. It was going to be one of those days were lust and need would bubble over causing panicked coupling to squelch the burning need that would have been built up by all day foreplay. These types of days were the best since I knew that I would end the day in a sweet soreness that would make me smile in relief, but they were also the worst since they always ended the emptiest.

I looked over at my friend and found him looking at me in a manner that made the ache in my lower belly flair out like a flash fire. His blue/green eyes held mine for a moment longer than how he looked at others in the room and in that minute I could see his hunger, his frustration. He looked down at his phone, breaking the gaze he had with me.

_It's been too long._

I smiled as I read his text message. Yes, it had been too long it had been 18 days since we had a release, had sex, fucked or whatever it was you wanted to call what we did together.

_Your lipstick is still on my cock._

I giggled a little to myself at his new message to me since I knew that my mark was still on him from this morning. I also knew that he loved it when I left a mark as a reminder of what was to come tonight. He loved the lipstick kiss marks on his belly, and thighs leading up to the smear of lipstick on his cock from when I had taken him in my mouth.

It was that reason that I had applied my red lipstick on heavily before greeting him in his office this morning for surprise office head. He loved surprises. I smiled to myself as I ran a self conscious hand through my loose curls on my head, knowing that my hair was still a little messed from his hands in it, guiding me on as I worked him harder with my mouth.

This morning was no exception. His hands where in my hair, holding, guiding, tugging when we were so rudely interrupted by his secretary before he had a chance to cum. This epic cock block of being so close and yet so far away would serve to benefit me later since it would make him crazed with hunger to the point of being insatiable tonight.

I smiled to myself as I thought about how angry he was when Shelia called to announce that he had a phone call. I knew that his need would have me bent over his desk in his office being fucked hard before ever leaving work tonight. The thought of it made me smile since I was in need as well.

We texted back and forth and all the while we teased. We exchanged what we wanted to do to each other tonight and replayed over how long it had been since we had been together. It was silly foreplay. It was almost high school like in the manner that we texted back and forth, but I could not help it. I was ready for him and I had waited for him long enough.

The meeting ended and soon we were sent about our day. I knew that I would not see again until much later so I approached him as I walked by wishing him luck since the case he was handling was in the jury selection process. He smiled at me and then left. Yes, it would be a long day without him.

My day dragged on as I thought it would. I had meeting with clients. There were men divorcing their cheating wives and women leaving their bastard husbands. It was an interesting job being a divorce attorney. Though it left me with not much faith in love, but it also could be blamed on _him._

I continued on with my day and at 8 pm I finally left the office. I knew that he would be waiting for me at his place. He had texted me to tell me not to stop for food since he was ordering pizza. He didn't ask me what kind since after two years of this special type of friendship as well as three years working together almost nonstop he knew everything about me any way without asking.

I got in my car and drove to his townhouse that he purchased last year. It was quite and small, but that was ok since he was hardly ever at home any way or that was what he told me at least. I walked up the drive and as I did the anticipation of being fucked properly took over me.

It had been 18 days and I was more than ready. I needed it. I needed to connect with him on this level. He was the only one who understood me anymore as far as why I did what I did and what pushed me further. He was the only one who got me.

I opened his front door, not even bothering to knock since I knew there was no need and I just walked in. I found him ready, waiting for me with a wicked smile. He looked so beautiful that at times I wondered if he was the devil himself full of sin as he looked at me like that.

He was naked and eager as he approached me with an evil gleam in his eyes. God, how I loved when he was like that! I did not say anything to him, but instead was greeted by his warm skin. His mouth, his lips they moved against me as I felt his hands shed my work clothing. My silk blouse was gone soon as was my pencil skirt leaving me in my stocking and bra, but no panties. I knew how much he loved it when I went without panties so I wanted to treat him with that tonight.

I watched him smile as he pulled my bra off leaving me in front of him with only my stockings and heels on. Such a guy in his fantasies I swear!

All thoughts left my head as he backed me up against the door. I knew tonight would start out hard and fast since it had been so long. I knew that he was every bit as needy as I was in this department so I cannot explain to you why I was surprised that I found myself pressed against the door as his hands roamed over my skin while his tongue tangled with mine.

It was impossible to reconcile the sensations of the cold steel door and his warm skin: The combination was driving me insane with need. I felt his hands dip into my pussy, touching teasing, as he stroked his fingers in and out of me for a moment as I moaned into his mouth. He quickly moved his fingers and soon I found him thrusting inside me, filling me full as I let out a low whore's moan of approval which caused him to laugh seductively at me.

"It's been too long," he said in a gravelly voice that made me hotter as he stayed inside me being still, letting me feel him stretch me in the most delicious manner.

"Way too long," I managed to moan to him before he started to pound relentlessly in and out of me. I hitched my legs around his waist and pressed my back against the door to gain leverage as he pounded into me.

It was hot and dirty. In all the places that we have had sex in his townhouse he had never ever greeted me naked at the door and we had never had sex just as I walked in. He licked and nipped at all the skin of mine that he could reach as he fucked me so voraciously as if I was some sort of salvation to him and I guess in a way I was.

I offered him the same thing that he offered me in our twisted meetings. I offered him comfort, warmth and most importantly a method of forgetting the past. He was close to completion and I knew that by the harshness of his breathing and how much more aggressive he was getting with me. I felt my body right there on the edge ready to fall into the wonderment and then he thrust inside me at an angle that caused me to see stars as I came, calling his name as I clawed at the skin of his shoulders to pull him closer.

I had missed this. I had missed him being this close. I had missed the connection and I nibbled on his ear limply as he finally came filling me with his spent aggression. We both sighed as he held me there still, enjoying the feel of our connection before he slipped out of me with a promise that he was far from being done with me tonight. I loved it when he made promises like that.

I watched him as he slipped on his boxers and then handed me his t-shirt and another pair of his boxers since the pizza delivery guy would be here any moment and there was no need to give him a show even thought he had fucked me silly against his front door with his curtains open were his neighbor could see. I didn't mind though since I didn't care if his neighbor saw us, maybe it would inspire him with his wife, who knows?

We filled that night with pepperoni pizza and beer while having sex on his couch as a very lame '80's movie played on TV. He made me promise that I would stay for a while in the morning since it was Saturday and we could go into work together. We always worked the weekends together.

At the end of the night I found myself curled up in his bed by him watching him smoke while he was lost in thought. I knew him well enough to know what he was thinking since it was similar to my own train of thought. He was thinking about her. The girl he wanted. The girl he gave up. I could not blame him about it though since I was thinking about _him._

I wondered if _he_ was still with her. I wondered if _he_ ever regretted _his_ decision. I wondered if _he_ had children. Did they look like _him_? I wondered what my life could have been like. I wondered if _he_ ever thought about me at all.

It was always these thoughts that plagued me after my time with Riley. I wondered about the one who got away, who choose to get away. I wondered a lot.

"Do you think…?" Riley started out saying, but then stopped. I knew what he was going to ask. It was the same question every time. _Do you think that they think of us?_ I never had an answer for him over that one.

"Good night ducky," Riley whispered in a sleepy tone that made me smile a little since he sounded like a little boy not the 28 year old man that had just blissed me out completely. Ducky was his pet name for me that only he used. He wasn't very original when it came to names given that my last name was Swan.

"Good night Ri," I whispered back to him and then curled closed to him so that we were pressed together to try and erase the emptiness that seemed to sneak in once we thought of those we had loved and lost in life. I closed my eyes and prayed tonight would be one without dreams of _him_.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I do not own twilight.

On Saturday morning I awoke to strong arms and bright sunlight. Riley was cuddlier in his sleep. Any time I ever sleep beside him, even before we started our twisted agreement, I would awake to his arms wrapped tightly around me. I didn't mind it made feel safe for a change.

I slowly rolled over and looked at my sleeping partner. He looked so young in his sleep, with his handsome face relaxed into a sleepy smile. I hoped he was having a nice dream since to me he deserved them. I looked at his perfect cheek bones and nose that was slightly crooked from a being broken in a fight. I softly touched his thicker lips that were just meant for kissing. He was handsome and any one could see that, but what they didn't see was how broken he still was. I was the only one that could see that side of him, just as he was the only one allowed to see that side of me.

I thought back to when first met Riley and how much he had changed in the course of these past years. I had met him in my junior year of my undergrad studies. We both were English majors with hopes of law school in our dreams. We got along amazing well, even though he could never get along with _him._ Even back then Riley would say that _he_ was a dick and did not understand why I wanted to be around _him_.

Riley had a girlfriend when I met him, a serious girlfriend by the name of Bree Tanner. Bree was an elementary education major and did not understand us who were striving for law school. She didn't understand the want or the need because she had chosen another path. They had dated since high school and they were always talking about marriage.

Bree was going to be one of those girls who you knew would be an amazing mom; you could see it all over her when she was around people, especially children. They broke up the summer leading into our second and final year of law school. She broke up with him because she wanted marriage and children. Riley wanted a little time to pursue his dream of being an attorney. He had promised her that they would get married the following year when he was finished, but they would have to wait a bit for children since he would most definitely be working long hours. That wasn't good enough for Bree. She left him and married another. We went to their wedding together. It wasn't the only heart crushing wedding we attended that year.

Bree leaving Riley changed him. He went from this happy, trusting guy to a man made of stone. Nothing moved him now, except for thoughts of what he gave up, what left him. I think it was this that made us such good companions. He understood my pain, the loss I felt over _him._ Riley was there when _he _left me. I still could barely say _his_ name even though it has been three years. It still hurt deep in my chest to say _his_ name. _Edward._ Even as I think of it now pain comes along with it.

I think of Edward and I think of me being a fool. I think of Edward and I think of his lies. I think of Edward and I think of how hurt I was when he chose _her_ over me. I think of Edward and I am reminded how I was never good enough. I think of Edward and I am reminded of why I do what I do.

It was Edward that led me to being a divorce attorney. He did it unknowingly of course, but it was him that led me here. I view my work of avenging wronged lovers and cheated on spouses as my form of reconciliation. It is my way of paying back for being the other woman in his life. It is the only way I could find any type of peace with what happened.

I was laying there still lost in my thoughts when Riley stirred against me. I felt him against my form. He was waking up and he was hungry. I could feel his hunger as he sweeped his hand over my bare skin and settled his most talented hand between my legs teasingly as he pressed himself against my back.

"Morning sweetie," he mumbled against the bare skin of my shoulder and then kissed it making me sigh as I fought to banish all thoughts of Edward form my mind. That was one thing that both Riley and I had agreed upon, when we were together it was only us, no thoughts of the others were allowed.

I stretched my arm above my head so that I could reach his head as he pressed kisses against my skin while his hand trailed leisurely from my breast to my pussy in the most torturously teasing manner possible. I sighed as I felt his fingers dip into me, teasing my entrance before circling around my clit, but never quite touching it. I could feel his cock, hard and ready pressed into my ass, which was just starting to drive me nuts. I could feel the tingle of wanting him settle over my body. I could feel the excitement and I could feel myself growing wet as I thought of feeling him inside me once more.

"Riley, stop being a tease," I whined as he tweaked my nipple causing a spark of want to sear through me one more. I could hear him chuckle at my words as he pressed his cock into me again.

"I'm not teasing," he whispered against my ear making me shudder against him as I moved my leg, making room for him to slip inside me and fuck me like I knew he wanted to, just as I needed him to. I needed him to fuck me. It helped keep the memories and loneliness at bay.

"So wet for me," he murmured in am amazed tone as his fingers glided along my folds easily before slipping his inside of me to give me a little friction that I needed from him so badly.

"Only for you," I countered back in a gasp as I felt him plunge his fingers deep and drag them back, trying to find the spot that made me cum on demand. He loved that he could do that to me. He loved that I was so responsive to his touch.

I enjoyed the sensation that his fingers were bringing me, but I wanted more so I swiftly moved out of his arms, untangling myself in the process. I instantly felt the loss of warmth and energy as I rolled over. I pushed him back on his back as he smiled at me like the cat that caught the canary as I slid down his body until his erection bobbed against my chin. His smile got bigger as I licked the underside of his cock, enjoying how he still tasted like me while he purred under the attention he was receiving. Riley was one for oral attention, but then again, who isn't?

I sucked his cock into my mouth as he moaned a little in delight. I hummed happily as I swirled my tongue around his large, hard cock earning myself another moan as he thrust his hips up forcing more of himself into my mouth. I pulled back quickly, releasing him as he groaned at the loss of contact, but I would not keep him lonely for long. I quickly straddled him and settled myself upon him, taking him in slowly, inch by inch, enjoying how it felt to have him stretch and fill me once more.

"So fucking beautiful," he said as he trailed his hands over my breast, tweaking each nipple properly, causing me to gasp in delight before touching where we were joined as one. He liked to touch me as he was inside me and it drove me wild. I leaned back towards his thighs so that I could change the angle of how he was entering me, forcing his cock to rub against the spot inside me that caused me to see stars. For a flicker of a moment I said a silent thanks to Edward for helping me find that spot years ago, a spot my previous boyfriend had ignored, much to my dismay.

I rocked and gyrated on top of him, causing his cock to hit every pleasure spot inside me and in few moments I came hard, while panting out his name. It was at that moment that I was lost that Riley grabbed me and rolled me off of him. He moved so fast that I found myself flat on the bed, still spasming while he had moved in to a more kneeling position almost on top of me. His beautiful turquoise eyes were closed and he had a look of painful concentration on his face. I knew this look. This was him trying to hold off from cumming. I sat up beside him, enjoying the jello feeling in my bones and reached over to stroke his face softly, which caused him to smile even though his eyes were still closed to me.

Slowly he opened his eyes and I could see that he had regained control. I could see the fire of lust burning in his eyes and I wanted him to consume me. He leaned over and kissed me slowly, causing another slow burn to simmer through me as I felt his hand take hold of me once more. He pulled away from our kiss to give a dazzling smile and then he flipped me over on to my stomach while he laughed at my surprise.

"Oh, baby, you are so perfect," he whispered as he trailed his hand down over my spine until he came to my rear, which he spanked lightly causing me to jump in surprise.

"Lift up," he whispered to me as he placed his hand on my hip. I moved so that he could slide one of his pillows under my hips and then once it was in place he nudged my legs apart a little before sliding into me from behind with a throaty groan of delight. This position always took him so deep and I loved it.

I found myself muttering in pleasure to which Riley responded with his own string of nonsense as he started to move in and out of me slowly as his body covered mine. I found myself clutching his sheets as I felt myself starting to let go and given into the incredible sensations that he caused within me. Riley moved slowly, his hands brushed my hair to the side so that he could kiss and nips my neck as he filled me over and over. I lost myself once more as he started to move faster inside me. I was coming down from my high when his speed increased. I knew he was close so I pushed back against him which made him moan once more. Riley grabbed my hips and held them tight against him as he came inside me with a loud groan. He then collapsed on top of me, crushing me with his welcomed weight as we lay there stuck together on the bed sheets, covered in sweat as we panted, trying to collect ourselves.

Once we caught our breath Riley rolled over me and slowly ran his hands over my curves and back until finally tracing my ass in a comforting manner that made me sigh. He had just opened his mouth to speak when we heard voices in the other room. Loud and clear voices had filtered into the room. It was Mike and Tyler, our coworkers, and other members of this odd little family of ours.

"Should we applaud now?" I heard Tyler say with laughter in his voice. I looked over at riley and rolled my eyes at him as I suppressed a smile.

"I should have never have given him a key," he muttered as he pulled me closer to him and nuzzled my neck a little. I love how cuddly Riley would get when we fucked like that.

"Come on lovers get up and let's go!" Mike yelled as he pounded on the bedroom door before it swung open causing us to jump in surprise as Riley dived in front of me as if Mike or Tyler were looking at my naked form. I knew it was only him that they were checking out, but Riley thought this was a nice way to protect me. My hero.

Riley shooed them out of the room as he covered me and then once they were out he rolled off me with a grin.

"Well, your fan club strikes again," I said with a snicker as I ran my hand through his hair, which made him sigh under my touch. He laughed at my words, but he knew it was true.

Mike Newton and Tyler Crowley were gay, and while they were involved with each other, it did not stop them from ogling Riley every chance they got. I didn't blame them though since Riley had an amazing body.

We got up and I slipped on clothes while Riley jumped into the shower. I walked out to face the boys who greeted me with a round of applause.

"Way to go hooker!" Mike exclaimed and offered his hand out in hand slapping, congratulatory type of manner. Leave it to Mike to want to celebrate sex.

"Oh, shut up!" I said with a yawn as I rolled my eyes at him with a smile.

"You know Mike is just jealous," Tyler replied with a smile that seemed a little forced. I knew from one drunken night with Tyler that he was jealous that Mike thought Riley was attractive. It didn't matter that I explained that Riley would never be interested considering that Riley was not into guys; Tyler was still irritated by it.

I stayed and talked with them while Riley got dressed. Once he was dressed I left to shower, leaving Riley to entertain them. I would have liked it if he would have been able to join me, but I guess there was always a next time.

I could hears the guys talking as I slipped into clothes that I had left with Riley for times likes this, of when I would stay over without notice. I could hear them laughing and talking all together. It made my heart warm to hear the conversation since these boys, men, whatever you want to call them, they were my family. They were my support and I loved them just as they loved me.

I had met Tyler and Mike back in law school. We instantly teamed up because they were smart and funny. Edward liked them also, but now I try not to hold that against them. They were there when we all worked at Edward's grandfather's law firm and when I left they left with me as a statement towards Edward Sr. that we could not be bought.

"Yo, woman, you ready to go?" Mike yelled as he opened the bed room door to find me standing there in front of the mirror looking at myself.

"What's wrong?" he asked me as he stepped into the room, looking at me with concern in his blue eyes as he automatically checked out his perfectly styled blond hair in the mirror in front of him. Mike was beautiful and very vain.

"Nothing, well, I guess…" I stammered unsure of what to say. How do you explain that you have been flooded by memories that you can't seem to outrun no matter how far away you go?

"Spill it sister," he said as he looked at me with a smile, telling me that it was all right. I knew it was. Mike was one of the few people I could tell that I was thinking about Edward again. He never judged me.

"I have just been thinking about _him _again. I wish I wouldn't," I replied with a sad smile as our eyes locked in the mirror.

"Oh, well, it's hard Bella, I know," he said with smile as he looked at me funny.

"You know, maybe it's because I saw him recently," Mike said as he looked at me with sad blue eyes. This was new information and I instantly bristled at his words. I had moved to Los Angles to get away from him so the thought of him being here, close enough to see someone from my inner circle was distressing.

"When I went back to Seattle to meet with the board I saw him at a restaurant. He asked about you," he offered with a sigh as he looked away. My heart lurched at the idea of him asking about me. I didn't know if I was happy or pissed that he still cared at all, or enough, to ask.

"I told him you were happy and intended on staying that way," he said with a sigh that showed how irritated he was by it all.

"Thanks," I replied lamely as I looked away from Mike, but he stopped me. Mike pulled me in for a hug.

"For what it's worth, he looks like shit," Mike said with disdain that only he could pull off. This made me laugh at him and then once more everything was right in my world. I could forget it all.

I stepped back out into the room with Mike. Riley greeted me with a smile and a cup of coffee before announcing it was time to go. I rode over to the office with Riley since he had me promise that I would stay again tonight. I could not say no to him, plus I wanted more time with him since we had missed our showering together.

We were the only ones in at the law office of Denali and Irwin. We were always the only ones there on Saturdays, but it was this work ethic that was going to land promotions for all of us. Tanya Denali and her husband Garrett Irwin owned the law firm, and while they were at the main office in Seattle they trusted us here in LA to make a good name for ourselves. We had all worked and slaved away, but finally we were known and respected.

The morning passed slowly in my office. I should have been working on the latest case before me, but I couldn't seem to concentrate on it. My mind was lost in thoughts of Edward. It had been three years there and he had someone. There was no need for him to care about me anymore. I may not have moved on fully, but he was married and so there was no reason for him to be thinking of me.

I had just googled him and discovered what cases he had been working on. He was still at his grandfather's firm, Cullen and Cullen. I wondered if that old bastard was still hell on wheels to deal with concerning new attorneys. I wondered if he was still biased about your income bracket.

"Hey girl, we have lunch," Riley announced as he walked in my office with a sack lunch and a smile. I looked up at him and held my hand out to take the lunch while I canceled out of the screen I was on so he would not see it. Riley knew me too well though; he knew what I had been looking at.

"You can bet money he has googled you,' he said as he sat down opposite me.

"I hope not," I replied with a sigh. I didn't want Edward googling me or searching for me.

"I know." Riley replied with a smile. He always understood me. He felt the same way about Bree.

"Tanya is calling us back to Seattle in a week. Do you think that she'll make us partners for this location?" he asked me with a happy smile. Making partner was something we had been working towards. We had given up lives, love interests, basically everything in order to make a name for ourselves. To make partner would be the ultimate thank you for all that service as well as the ultimate pay out.

"Are you ready to go back?' he asked me as I remained silent.

Was I ready to go back to Seattle or the scene of the crime as I had come to call it? I wasn't sure. It had been three years since I was there. It had been three years since being back to what was my home. I didn't want to go back. I didn't want to see Edward, but when Tanya called you went.

I forced a smile on my face and nodded my head yes, but Riley knew better. He looked at me and started to laugh as he shook his head at me. Yeah, he knew I was not looking forward to it, but I would make it work. I always did.

**AN:**

**Hello all! Thank you so much for reading and giving this story a try. A special thanks and a ton of love goes out to my most amazing beta Icarustosun. Seriously people, she is amazing to put up with all my bad grammar and repeating words. She is truly amazing!**

**Hugs to all!**

**Mamasutra**

**xxoo**


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

Seattle was just like I remembered it. It was cold and rainy. It made my skin crawl and mind race with memories of Edward. I had put hundreds of miles and three years between us and yet once I landed in Seattle I was right back to where I first started. I was right back to being that naïve little girl who believed true love would triumph over all and I hated it. I hated being weak. I don't do weak anymore.

I had spent the last three years stamping that naïve girl out of existence and yet here I was back in the city that started it all. I hated it here now and that made me sad since this was home. I hated that I had to walk away from everything to get away from him. I hated that at every turn of every street corner I could see Edward and the young stupid version of myself shining back at me as a glaring reminder of my stupidity concerning him.

I had booked rooms at the Grand Hyatt in the downtown area. It wasn't my choice. Mike had picked it for all of us since we all planned on staying in the same place together. Riley and I could not share a room since it was work related. We always presented a very professional front when it came to work, no one needed to know that we were fuck buddies for lack of a better term.

It was beautiful and near the Pike's Place Market. It was close to book stores and everything else that returning warriors like us could want from our home town. It also was one place that I had never visited with Edward, so that was a bonus to me.

We had made plans to meet our families for a so called nice dinner at the Ruth Christie's Steak House that was located within the hotel. This once more was not my idea, but Mike's. He was always one to try to make his parents happy, even if it meant torturing us in the process.

I really didn't care to see my parents at all over this visit. They would only remind me what a failure I was by not producing grandchildren for them yet. They had no comprehension concerning my life. They didn't understand that I had dreams too. They never did, so our meeting where typically painful in a way since we both were disappointed in each other.

The meeting with Tanya wasn't until the next morning so I had time to explore what was my home town. I called Riley, who was having lunch with his sister to confirm plans for drinks later and then I took off on my own.

I walked the streets taking in what was familiar and what was new. I smiled as I smelled the rain in the air. I had missed that more than I thought I would while living in L.A. I tugged my coat closed and then I headed into a book store. Seattle was always great for book stores and once upon a time I had dreamed of being a librarian or owning a bookstore. That was a long time ago, so long ago it seems like a different life and I guess it was.

I thought back to that life. When I had first moved to Seattle from my rainy home town of Forks it was to attend the University of Washington. I came into college with dreams and hopes for a future that never happened. I went to college here while my high school boyfriend attended Washington State in Vancouver Washington, which was about 3 hours away.

Jacob Black. He was studying electrical engineering at Washington State while I studied English at UW. He was my first boyfriend. My first everything, really. We had grown up together and being with him was as natural as breathing. It was written in the stars that we would be together. Our parents were best friends. Our mothers had been planning our wedding since we were ten years old.

I fell in love with him on LaPush Beach surrounded by the Pacific Ocean. We were virgins on prom night, fumbling together as we made love for the first time at the end of our senior year. It was horrible, but I comforted myself in the fact that it was ok since I was with Jake. We had a history and life time together. We had promises made to each other for a future, but he threw it all away for some red headed whore that was in his Calculus II class while at Washington State.

I remember I had gone to visit him. It was a surprise. I had gone with Edward who was there to visit his girlfriend, engineering major, Jessica Stanley. He offered to drive and once we got there we planned on going our separate ways. On that fateful visit Edward left me in front of Jake's dorm building and went off to kill time until Jessica was out of class. I remember how he made me promise to call him later so we all could get together, which was something we never did.

I made it inside and walked to Jake's room. I remember people staring at me and then some of them lingered to watch. I now realize that they all knew what Jake was doing and were happy to watch him get caught by his unsuspecting girlfriend.

I opened his dorm door without knocking and found Jake on the narrow dorm bed being ridden by the red headed whore. She was squealing and bouncing like he was giving her the time of her life. It was almost comical since Jake was a lousy lay so it had to be all show.

I stood there slack jawed while peopled gathered around behind me, watching the scene unfold before them. It took Jake a few minutes to figure out that he was being watched and once he did he tossed the naked whore off him and stood up to greet me as if nothing had happened.

He slipped on clothes as I seemed to be stuck there, unable to move, all the while he talked to me. He told me what a mistake it was to be with her. He told me that it only happened because he missed me too much. He told me that he loved only me. I finally regained feeling in my legs and turned to leave him there while his whore pleaded with him to let her talk to me, which thankfully he ignored.

I grabbed my phone and called Edward to come get me. He wasn't far. He was just in the coffee shop in the building across the way so he was there quickly. He greeted me just as I lost it and started to cry while Jake was following close behind, all the while pleading his case. Edward looked almost as stunned as I was when he finally put together what I had stumbled into just a few minutes earlier. He punched Jake in the face before he even knew what had hit him and then escorted me away.

Edward never left my side that night. He had checked us into a hotel and then canceled his plans with Jessica, even though I told him not to. He just held me as I cried tears for a future that was now gone and a boy that just didn't love me enough not to stray. It wouldn't be the last time I mourned a future lost.

As horrible as it was to be cheated on, this was one of my fondest memories concerning Edward. It is the memory of him caring for me that I look back on fondly, before it all went to hell with him. I miss _that _Edward_, _the one I was friends with. I miss the Edward that I could call at one in the morning and invite over for Chinese food. I miss the Edward that would go and see comedy movies with me since he loved to have a good laugh. I miss the Edward that made me believe in myself even if in the end it was all a lie.

I was jarred out of my memories by the sound of cars honking as I stood in front the book store window. Who knows how long I had stood there gazing in while lost in my own little world. I shook my head to clear my thoughts of Edward as I stepped towards the door. I shouldn't be thinking of him. He doesn't even deserve my thoughts and besides it had been three year. That was more than enough time to move on.

I wandered aimlessly through the book store and then finally picked a book that was worth reading. I walked back towards the front and found a used copy of a book that I had loved years ago. I had long gotten rid of the book since I tied it to too many memories of lying around, reading beside Edward.

I walked past the book without another look and then bought the book that I was holding just to get out of the store. I needed to get away from here. It was starting to be too much.

I spent the rest of the day wandering, reliving old memories that came back to haunt me a bit. I remembered meeting Edward. I was his sister, Alice's, roommate my freshman year of college. Alice was this tiny little girl with a huge mouth. She stood barely five feet tall with big blue eyes and jet black hair that she dyed that dark. She was funny and loud. She loved cheese pizza and her boyfriend Jasper. She thought Edward and I would be great friends so she introduced us, and she was right.

I remember meeting him. I remember opening my dorm room door to find the most incredibly handsome guy standing there. He was tall, about 6'3_ with brown hair that had the oddest red high lights. He had bright green eyes, a narrow, but crooked nose and nice lips. He gave me a bright smile that stunned me for a moment and then introduced himself as Edward Cullen.

His body was long and lanky. He dressed casual, but you could tell that he was put together stylishly. He had a great laugh and when he talked it made you wonder if he could sing well also since his was voice very melodic. I had a school girl crush on him even before Jake cheated on me. I never thought it would go further than that, but it did.

"Hey, are you awake?" I heard a voice call to me causing me to jump as I was lost in my memories once more. Riley. Thank god, it was Riley.

I turned to face him and was greeted with a bright smile on his handsome face that quickly turned into a frown.

"What's a matter? You look like you've a seen a ghost?" he asked me as I stepped closer to him and wrapped him up in a warm hug. I needed this. I needed to feel him around me. It would help chase the memories away.

"No, just missed you, that's all," I offered as I pressed a kiss to his neck as he leaned down for me.

"No need to miss me, I'm right here," he whispered into my ear and then kissed my cheek softly. I had missed Riley today, but I knew he needed time with his sister.

Riley took me by the hand and led me back up to his room that was beside mine. We had plans for massages at the spa. Riley wasn't so much a spa guy, but when Tanya Denali set an appointment for you, you go, plus it would be nice to go into a tense dinner somewhat relaxed.

"You know, we probably didn't need the two rooms. We could have just stayed together," Riley said with a sigh as he unlocked his door and motioned for me to walk in. I rolled my eyes at him. He knew as well as I did that it had to be that way.

Once inside Riley grabbed me and pulled me in for a kiss. It scorched my nerves and took my breath away. I could feel the tension rolling off his body as he held me to him. He didn't have to speak. I knew him better than anyone; I knew that the trip home was tough for him as well. I knew that he was dreading the dinner too. He was dreading hearing about Bree, and yes, his parents would tell him about her. They had no sense when it came to the fact that the bitch broke their son's heart.

He pulled away from my lips just for a moment so he could whisper _please_. I knew that he needed me to ease his nerves as much as I needed him. I wondered if we would always be this needy with each other when it came to our "other life" back here at home. I know for a fact I would not have been able to have made it this far without him by my side, in my bed, and everywhere else that I needed Riley to be.

I lost myself to the sensation of his lips against mine as he walked me backwards to the bed and then pulled away from me so he could lay me down on the bed. We lay together, holding each other as we kissed like high schoolers. It was enough for the moment to feel him next to me like that.

We kissed until we had to leave for the spa even though I think we both would have been better served by staying in the room and working out our anxiety the way him and I were accustomed to.

In the hotel spa we were able to be together in the same room. It was like some sort of twisted couples massage and that wasn't us. I looked over at him, unsure of what to make of this, but he just shrugged. Tanya did everything for a reason and we had given her no public reason that could lead her to think that we were together in any way, shape, or form. What we did in private was our business and we liked to leave it that way.

Once the massage was over Riley left me there, but not before reminding me what time I was needed in the restaurant. He was not about to face his parents and mine alone, not that I blamed him at all over that.

I spent the rest of the afternoon being poked and prodded as I was waxed and given a facial to make my skin glow. I left there feeling pampered and refreshed, just like Tanya had instructed me to do. She was always the one to remind me to take care of myself, since if I didn't no one else would.

Tanya was really a great boss and I was lucky to have her as a mentor in this business environment. She had taken me under her wing back when I was a lost young girl running away from bad situation. She encouraged me and helped mold me into the woman that I am today. She is also one of the few people who knew exactly why I was running from Seattle and encouraged me along my way since she had been there too. It was amazing having her in my life and I only had Edward's mother, Esme Cullen, to thank for leading me to her.

Esme did not know exactly what happened between her son and me, but she could see that I needed out when I told her that I had to go. She referred me to Tanya. She had sung my praises along with Riley, Mike, and Tyler, selling us as a wonderful package deal. Tanya still teases that it was the best thing that Esme ever did for her, outside of taking Carlisle Cullen off her hands. It was only then that I had discovered that Tanya had dated Edward's father for a while before she found Garrett, her husband. She never went into details over what happened with her and Carlisle, but I am guessing that it did not end well since when she speaks of him there is always a little hostility in her voice.

I knocked on Riley's door as I came back to the room to get dressed for the so called fun filled night that was before us, just so he would know that I was back.

"About time," he said in a huff as I listened to him open the door between our rooms and walk in.

"I'll hurry. I promise," I replied back as I grabbed the dress I was planning on wearing off the hanger and laid it on the bed before turning to look at him. He looked stunning in his black suite with a plain black tie. It fit him well and made him look almost regal instead of the over worked twenty eight year old man that he was.

He stepped closer and pressed a kiss to my lips in a very chaste manner before reminding me not to be late as he turned to leave me to get dressed. I dragged my feet in the process since the last place I wanted to be was down stairs with my parents, but it wasn't fair to Riley to leave him to deal with them all.

I slipped on my dress and then finally donned my boots that were matched to be worn with it before checking myself in the mirror one last time as I walked out the door. The ride down in the elevator to the lobby was slow and painful, but I knew that I could make through this evening without any issue. This wasn't the hardest thing I had ever done, it just wouldn't be pleasant, that's all.

I walked to the restaurant while giving myself a pep talk to ease into seeing my parents again. I reminded myself that it was just one night. I reminded myself that I can do anything for one night. I walked into the restaurant with my head held high and a slight smile on my face as I approached the wait staff to see where my family was seated. To the untrained eye it seemed like I was perfectly fine, but inside I was already filled with dread.

The young woman walked me past a table of men who I could feel were looking at me as I walked by, but I did not bother to look back since there was no need for any of them to think that I was interested. We continued to walk until we were in a more private area of the restaurant and that was when I saw everyone.

My parents and Riley's parents were talking while Riley had a horrible bored look on his face that made me snicker as I approached. Once he saw me Riley stood up and smiled as he held out his hand, motioning for me to hurry. Yes, he was quite ready for my company during this night from hell.

"You're late," he breathed against my ear as he pulled me in for a light hug, which caused me to laugh a little before we sat down side by side to face them together.

**AN:**

**Hello all thanks for reading! Have I mentioned that I have the MOST WONDERFUL readers ever? If not, please know that is what I think of you!I want to send special thanks out to IcarustoSun for being the most awesome beta around as well as a wonderful friend! Hugs & kisses to you Parama! **

**Love,**

**Mamasutra**

**xxoo**


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

EPOV

I sat at my desk, waiting for the day to end. It wasn't like there would be anyone waiting for me at home when I got there, Jess would be out as usual. She was always out, not that I minded. In our three years of marriage she had really taken to the idea of being _Mrs. Cullen_ and all that it entailed.

The Cullen name was powerful around this city and Jess used it every chance that she got. It enabled her to get into country clubs that bored me silly. It gave us box seats at the opera that I rarely attended. It allowed her to be part of the "ladies who do lunch" group with all the other snotty, bitchy wives that she was friends with. She used it well and ,in her opinion, had earned it by putting up with me. The funny thing was she doesn't even know the half of it.

I just wanted to use my last name to get the partnership at the law firm that my grandfather had been dangling in front of me for the last 4 years of my life. I had done everything that he had asked for me to do. I had worked countless hours. I had given up things that I wanted. I had done things that I hated to do. I felt I had earned it with my blood, sweat and tears, but ultimately it was the old man's decision, not mine. I hated him for it.

I found myself staring down at the paper in front of me, but the words were blurring again as my mind wandered like it always did. I wondered if _she_ was happy. I wondered who was keeping _her_ safe. I wondered if _she_ had someone who loved _her_ like _she_ deserved. I wondered if _she _had forgiven me yet. Chances were she hadn't since Bella was one to hold a grudge. She was famous for it.

"Hey Cullen, turn on your TV," Jasper Whitlock said as he strolled into my office as if he owned the fucking place. The man had gotten quite cocky ever since he started fucking my sister and laying claim to the Cullen fortune as another heir apparent to the law firm that my family built. I hated Jasper. He was a douche.

I looked up from my work and rolled my eyes as he grabbed my remote and turned on the TV. The screen came to life and I watched as he changed the channel from whatever news program that was on until it came to rest on the entertainment channel. The screen then filled with the image of a young actor that had all the women in the office all hot and bothered. His smile was wide as he walked along the cameras.

"What is this about?" I asked him as I waited to see what exactly he was so damn excited about.

"Just wait," he said with a wicked smile that told me that I would not enjoy this at all. I wondered if he was going to start teasing me about this actor. He knew how much Jess was into this guy. I wondered if she had somehow paid to have dinner with her idol. She was always looking for ways to make me jealous, but to be honest I didn't care at all. I had long stopped caring about Jess and now our marriage was more like a business deal than anything else.

I watched the screen closely, fully expecting to see Jess with her blonde hair and big blue eyes fill the screen, but what came next took my breath away.

"I would like to thank my attorney. Without her I don't know where I would be," the actor said in his British accent that seemed to make the women around here wet. The camera panned out and moved to his left where stood the woman that had haunted my dreams for the last three years.

She was beautiful. She was still thin, but not the scary thin that she had been when she left Seattle. She was wearing a power suit that accentuated her figure, drawing attention to her amazing hips and full breasts. Her big brown eyes sparkled with victory and a bit of mischief that I could always see. She looked stunning and shockingly grown up.

"Bella Swan. Can you believe it?" Jasper asked with a chuckle in his voice as I tried to mask my feelings around him. Jasper was always perceptive and I did not need him knowing that I still cared about her.

"Yeah, she was always very smart," I replied with a shrug, trying to down play seeing her. She had been valedictorian of her law class. The same one that Jasper graduated with at the bottom of the class.

I watched with what I hoped was very little interest as Bella Swan, the girl who ran away from me, took over the screen. She stood there like a queen conducting her court. She answered questions from the reporters. She laughed at their jokes before finally thanking everyone and pulling her client away into the waiting limo that stood near by.

"Are you two still not talking?" he asked with a laugh. Jasper thought that we stopped talking because of Jess and in a way that was kind of true. Jess was part of why we no longer talked.

"Jess needs to get over herself," he said with a shake of his head as I am sure he thought about my shallow wife and her typical jealousy, but the truth was she was never jealous of Bella. She had always thought of Bella as this mousy little friend of mine. She should have been jealous. She didn't know her to be the passionate woman that I did. She didn't know how her eyes would light up like fire when she was angry. She didn't know how stunning she was when she came or how deep her eyes were when I looked into them. I wasn't supposed to know any of this either, but I did.

"Bella looks fucking hot though," he said with a sigh as if he was sorry that he could not have a chance with her and for some reason that made me happy.

"What happened between you two? I mean, the two of you were always together and then suddenly Bella was gone. You know gone, as in vanished," Jasper asked with curiosity. He had always wondered what happened, what caused Bella to leave the law firm and go into hiding for her last semester of law school. I was not about to tell him. It was bad enough that my brother knew, no one else needed to know.

I ignored his question as I put away my files so that I could leave for the night. Jasper went on with the conversation by talking about the steak house that we would be going to as well as what Alice had been up to lately since he was dating my sister. It was a nice change from discussing Bella since I still could not talk about her.

It killed me to talk about her, Bella that is. I saw her close friend Mike Newton a few weeks ago when he was here in Seattle for something and I had to stop him. I wanted to know that she was alright. I wanted to know that Bella had moved on and was happy even though I wasn't. Mike had greeted me with a scowl and then smirked in a knowing manner as if he knew that I was miserable at best since she had left me. He told me that Bella was happy. It killed me, but like I said, at least she was happy.

It wasn't my fault that we weren't talking. I had never wanted to stop talking or to end contact with her at all. I hated this no contact agreement that I had somehow unwittingly entered into with her. It was Bella's decision not mine.

I had told her to give me time. I had told her that we could work this out. I had told her that nothing had to change, but once I looked into her deep brown eyes I knew I was done. It was that look that still haunts my dreams three years later.

"Are you coming or what?" Jasper asked me as he moved towards the door. I had no idea where he was motioning for me to go, but wherever it was it had to be better than being here. Here I was surrounded by memories of Bella and I was in no mood for that, especially with Jasper standing right here.

I signed off my computer while sliding the papers I had been working on in to my desk drawer. I stood up slowly and then followed him out.

"What's the deal with the old man?" Jasper asked me as he motioned towards Grandpa's closed office door. He had been in there all day with his assistant Jane. There was something going on concerning the firm, but I had no idea what.

"Do you think he finally is retiring?" he asked me as we stood there facing the closed door. There was no way in hell that Edward Cullen Sr. was retiring. I had no doubt that we would have to roll his cold, dead, body out of here before he even thought of retiring.

I gave Jasper no response, but instead started to walk towards the elevator. He followed me, all the while telling me how we would both obtain our glory once the old man retired. It wasn't going to happen, plus if anyone of us were owed a promotion it had to be me, not him. He had given up nothing, while I had given up everything for Grandpa and his damn requests.

We walked out together and towards his car since Jasper announced that he was driving. Whatever. I did not care. It was at that moment that I remembered that I had made dinner plans with some of the other guys in the office. I had forgotten to tell Jess about this, not that it mattered. She was probably out with her friends anyway. I remembered when I used to look forward to something like this, but that was before Bella left me.

Jasper drove and while he did he talked nonstop. It was annoying since all I had wanted was silence, but that wasn't going to happen now.

He parked in the ramp for the Grand Hyatt. As he parked Jasper let it slip that my brother Emmett would be joining us. Fucking wonderful. We hadn't really been on good terms since the night he found out about Bella, not that I blamed him for hating me.

We walked in and the young hostess led us to the table where Emmett was waiting along with the newest attorney in the Cullen and Cullen Attorneys at Law establishment, Seth Clearwater.

Seth was fresh out of law school and the only intern that Grandpa had offered a job to, but I'm not sure why. Seth did not come from a wealthy family nor was he the son of some client. It really made no sense, but then again nothing that Grandpa did made sense any more. The only thing that I was thankful for was in the eyes of everyone at the office, he and his harshness was blamed for Bella's departure. No one knew that I had something to do with it.

"Edward," Emmet said as he greeted me and then stood up to give me a hug. Emmett was a hugger and it always made me uncomfortable.

We all sat down after we greeted each other. Emmett had gone a-head and ordered beer for Jasper and I so I did not have to wait for a drink. I was thankful for that after the day I had.

I was sitting there, sipping my beer when Jasper finally mentioned that Bella was on TV. Emmett, of course, knew already. Rose, his wife, had told him. Of course she had, she was Bella's cousin. They had met through her. It was Rose that insisted that I could not attend their wedding since she wanted Bella there and Emmett being the fucking bastard that he was, went along with it. I haven't gotten over that yet.

Emmett gave me a sideways glance as Jasper went over how hot Bella looked. He was the only one who knew about what happened between Bella and me. He only knew because in a moment of drunken weakness I had told him. I still have the scar on my forehead from where he shoved me and I hit my head on Rose's coffee table. I ended up with twenty two stitches in my head as a reminder of that night.

I was thankful that he had remained silent over the Bella Swan topic, even if it was odd for him. Typically if someone mentioned Bella, he would always have something to say. He would mention a trip to see her or a vacation that she had taken him and Rose on, but this time he was oddly silent.

Jasper babbled on and I became lost in my thoughts once more, going back to when Bella left me. There was no reason for her to leave. I had told her that everything would work out, but I had been fooling myself just as much as I was trying to fool her.

I had come back from my honeymoon, freshly fucked by my wife and yet all I could think of was Bella. I could only think of how she looked at my wedding. She wore a bright scarlet dress that was bold for her, showing off her spectacular breasts and her amazing curves. I could not keep my eyes off her and that was far from being fair to my bride Jess.

I remember how she came through the receiving line and shook my hand as if we were strangers after hugging Jess. She had wished us all the happiness that life could offer. I looked into her brown eyes and I could see bitterness as she spoke such sweet words. I had asked her to be there that day. I should have felt bad about asking her to be there, to witness it, but I didn't. I had gone to her apartment hours before the wedding and demanded that she be there, that if she was ever my friend she would be there on the most special day for me even though I had fucked her over with the same act by marrying someone else.

I will never forget watching her take her seat in the church. Her red dress swirled around her like a flame. All the men looked at her and I felt myself growing angry at their attention, but then I remembered that Bella was mine so I let it pass through as I waited for the woman that I would marry.

At the reception Bella avoided me until I finally approached her to dance. This would not look odd to anyone since it was common knowledge that Bella was my best friend, it just wasn't common knowledge that she was the other woman in my life.

Till the day I die I will remember holding her to me. I could tell she was trying to distance herself, but I just held her closer, not caring what she thought. I never cared what she thought. At the end of the dance I stepped back and Bella looked up at me with her expressive brown eyes. They were filled with pain, regret, and possibly some amusement.

I can still hear her soft voice, _Good bye Edward. _It was said with such finality, such closure that I should have known what she was doing, but I was stupid. I couldn't see it at the time. All I could see was a girl that I had gotten to fall in love with me. I could only see how I was living the life of a king since I had a woman that I loved who I married and a woman who loved me that I fucked. It was a wonderful world that would come crashing down on me. I had left her that night with a promise to call her in two weeks after I returned from my honeymoon so we could plan a night together. I remembered how she never responded to my promise, she just looked at me with such sorrow in her eyes. At the time I thought the look was because I was now married, but now I realize it was because she was saying good bye to me.

When I returned from my honeymoon I was desperate to see Bella. She was all I could think of while I was away and it wasn't fair to Jess, but I guess she was due to take her turn since I had never been fair to Bella concerning Jess.

I would be with Jessica and suddenly the memory of Bella would take over my mind. I could be making love to Jessica and yet I would see Bella's face instead. It made me miss her and I wasn't used to missing her so badly at the time, little did I know how badly I could miss that girl.

"Holy Shit! Is that Bella Swan?" Seth Clearwater exclaimed like a teenage boy who had seen his first set of tits. The words Bella Swan pulled me out of my memories just in time to look at the beautiful woman that was walking by.

The woman would have been roughly Bella's size. She was small with shoulder length chestnut colored hair that was loose in ringlets around her shoulders. She was wearing a midnight blue knit wrap-around dress that hugs every curve perfectly and knee-high, black, fuck me boots with nice heels. I wasn't sure if it was Bella or not until the woman turned her head so I was able to see her face.

It was Bella. She looked beautiful. Her face had lost some of the roundness that used to make her look like a little girl, but had retained all her youthful beauty to the point where she could have passed for a twenty year old, not a twenty eight year old.

I watched her face as she did not look at me and I was stunned by how fucking beautiful she was. She was even more beautiful than what I had remembered. I thought I had remembered every freckle, every mole on this gorgeous woman's face, but as she walked by, oblivious to me, I realized that my memory had done her no justice. I could see the changes that had occurred over the last three years on her beautiful face and it only made her more stunning.

I watched with my heart pounding in my chest as she smiled and laughed with the hostess as she walked by. She never gave our table or me a second look. The fact that she never looked back made my chest ache since I remembered a time when the girl could not keep her eyes off of me.

I could hear the guys at the table talking. Jasper asking Emmett why she was back in town since he would know due to Rose being so close to her. Seth talking about how a long time ago Bella used to baby sit for him since they had grown up in the same town. I could hear their conversations, but it didn't matter since I was lost over the fact that Bella was in this restaurant. She was here after three years of avoiding me, running from me, hiding from me. She was here.

I looked in the direction that she went and for a moment I thought about going over there. I had made up my mind to confront her, to demand to know why she left me. Did she not know what she did to me? Did she not know that I needed her? I was filling with anger when Emmett caught my eye.

"Don't" he said in a menacing tone that told me everything that I needed to know. It told me that if I wanted to approach her I would have to go through him first. I could do that just to have a chance at getting answers from Bella. She owed me answers.

I sat silently as our meal came and we started to eat. I kept watch, waiting for her appearance once more. I was not about to let her go without her knowing what damage she had caused. I could feel Emmett's eyes on me as I waited for her reappear.

After a long while, my vigilance paid off as Bella emerged from the private room that she was in. She looked pissed. She looked like she was shaken with emotion. I didn't care what had upset her; I just wanted to know my answers from her.

I watched her walk out to the patio area and take a seat at an empty table with her pilsner glass in hand. Bella was never a wine drinker, always beer. I watched her through the open glass doors take a drink as she tried to calm down a bit. I was fascinated by her actions. They were familiar and yet foreign all at once. She was the same girl with her nervous ticks of tugging on her hair and yet she was the sophisticated woman who was taking slow pulls off the expensive imported beer that she was drinking as if she owned the fucking place.

I was about to make my move, not caring that Emmett would try to stop me when I saw him. I watched as a man that I instantly recognized as Riley Biers walked out with a smile and sat down by her. Riley had gone to law school with us. He was Bella's friend even though I had told her that she needed better taste in men, which always made her laugh. I watched as a scowl settled over my features as she smiled at him. I knew that smile. It was her real one that she reserved for only the people she loved. At one time that smile had been reserved just for me.

I watched with horror and delight as they interacted on the patio. I could see her laugh with him. I watched as he took hold of her hand in his. I watched as they finally stood up together as if they were leaving, but not before he leaned in and kissed her softly as if he was promising something.

The sight of it made me sick and for the first time in three years I realized that every wish I had for Bella concerning her finding happiness and love without me was a lie.

**AN:**

**Hello! Thank you all for reading! I also want to thank Icarustosun for correcting my mistakes. She is amazing!**

**Take care,**

**Mamasutra**

**xxoo **


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight

I sat down by Riley as we faced our parents from across the table. They were all talking together like old friends, which in a way they were due to our relationship now. Riley and I graduated from high school together, but really didn't know each other or hung out together at all. It was a small school, but when you don't hang out with your classmates you don't really get to know others very well.

"What have I missed?" I asked him in almost a whisper as he looked over at our folks and then rolled his eyes. Riley was irritated to be here. I could see it on his face as well as in the needless tapping of his leg against mine. He was anxious and off. It was making me anxious as well.

"Bella, darling, did I show you these pictures of Jake and his family?" mom asked in a syrupy voice that made my stomach hurt. So it begins.

"No, mom, you haven't, but that's fine. I'll pass," I said in just as fake sweet tone as hers as I smiled at her with what Riley referred to as my game show smile. It was the one that I pulled out when I couldn't find a real reason to smile at all.

The last thing I wanted to do was to start off the night with pictures of Jake, his whore and their fucking mutts. I could go all night and not see those pictures.

"May I see them?" Riley asked as he held out his hand to my mother and the offending pictures that she was holding. Mom gladly handed them over to Riley and together we looked at them.

Jacob looked older. There were lines around his eyes as if he hadn't been sleeping. The whore had cut her hair and was holding their third child, another boy. They looked tired and yet happy. The whore looked elated. I guess I should stop calling her a whore since I had been someone's whore too.

"Wow. Three kids huh?" Riley asked as he looked from the picture to my mom who nodded her head happily like a fucking bobble head. She thought this was wonderful. She thought that flashing me these pictures would make the competitive side of me surface and I would give her the grandchildren she so desperately wanted. She was nuts.

Riley handed her back the pictures with a charming smile as I reached under the table and squeezed his leg. I was in no mood to listen about Jacob all night. Mom knew this, but did not care as usual.

"They look like they are very happy," Riley said as if he was trying to find something nice to say about the pictures. It made me laugh that he was trying so hard, but my laughter only earned a scowl from my mother as she took the pictures back and tucked them in her purse.

Mrs. Biers, or Patricia as she insisted that I call her, gave me a smile that told me that she felt sorry for me. Why on earth did she feel sorry for me, but couldn't have the heart to feel bad for her own son? I knew Patricia well enough that she would soon follow my mother by bringing up Bree and she did not let me down.

"You know Bree and her husband still do not have children," Patricia said in a sorrowful tone as Riley twitched next to me.

"They say it's his fault. That he has a low sperm count," she stage whispered as if a low sperm count is something that cannot be mentioned over the dinner table. It was ridiculous. If she thought that low sperm count was not proper table talk then she should be glad that she does not join us for dinner often since that is nothing in comparison to what we normally talk about which typically was sex.

"Well, I guess that will happen," I offered as I attempted to make small talk.

"You know I always thought that you and Bree would have the most beautiful children," Patricia said in a wistful tone with a far off look in her eyes as Riley looked down at the table. I knew that he had always thought that too.

Bree was the picture of a small town beauty queens and Riley was our town's high school quarterback. They practically left town on a float from one of the many parades they were in. They were perfect and yes, they would have had beautiful children. I have no doubts about that.

"I told her that maybe you could help her. You know with your sperm?" she said as she finished in a stage whisper once more. Riley's head shot up so he could glare at her over his mom's crazy idea as he exclaimed _Mom _in a disgusted tone.

"You offered up your son's jizz?" I asked her, shocked as hell as to how far this woman would go to hurt Riley without even thinking of it.

"Bella! Language!" Dad exclaimed as he pointed at me as if I was a twelve year old girl cussing at the dinner table. I didn't think that he was listening, but I guess the word jizz caught his attention.

"Sorry, I mean sperm. Is that better?" I asked sarcastically as I looked over at my dad who rolled his eyes at me before continuing his conversation with Robert Biers as if we had never spoke.

"Well, if you two would get on the ball and produce the grandkids we wouldn't be like this," Patricia said with a sigh as she looked at us as if we were the ones that were disappointments here.

"All of your friends from high school have settled down. They are married and having babies. We want to brag over grandchildren. Is that so bad?" my mom asked us both as we sat there staring at them.

It wasn't so bad that they wanted to brag over grandchildren. What was so bad was the simple fact that they still had children to brag over.

"You want to compare my life to Ben Chaney's?" I asked her as I felt my anger take hold of me. Ben Chaney was a boy that I graduated high school with. He went to the University of Washington and now was back in Forks managing Mike's family's wilderness store.

"You know, he is working some piss ant little job in the middle of nowhere and I am about to make partner at a major law firm. I went to law school damn it, while he was flunking class and doing keg stands with fucking business majors! I worked my ass off to be here so don't imply my life is horrible. I am so sorry that I have not turned out the way you wanted, but try to remember I am something to be proud of. When your friends show you pictures of their grandchildren remind them who got them autographed pictures of the fucking actors they want," I said as I found myself nearly yelling.

"And if you must know, then please mark your calendars Riley and I have agreed that if we are still single at thirty five then we will have a baby together since yes, we both want children. Do you hear that mom? In seven years I'll let Riley knock me up so don't go giving away his sperm Patricia since we are going to need it," I yelled as people turned to look at me like the crazy lady I had become.

I stood up and grabbed my beer glass before walking away. I needed a moment. I needed a moment to pull myself together. I didn't look back at Riley. I couldn't since I knew he would be pissed that I had outed a plan that we had made one vodka soaked night before fucking on his front room floor.

I never lost my head. Never ever. I never let my emotions rule me. In the court room I was as cold as ice. I could handle any other attorney and yes, I had met some that got under my skin and made me so pissed that I plotted revenge against them. I had met people that were vile. They used and abused people at their will, but no one got under my skin like Patricia and mom.

I walked out into the restaurant. I could hear the chatter from other tables as I walked out on to their patio to cool down. I sat there and slowly drank my beer as I mentally chastised myself for losing it with her.

She was mom. She just wanted grandkids. They both just wanted to be like their other friends. They couldn't see the great things that Riley and I were doing. They could only see the small lives around them. As I sat there I thought about what a bitch I had become.

I am not sure how long I sat there alone until Riley appeared at my side.

"Well, thank you for announcing a time table for our mothers. I hope you know they have pulled out their calendars and wanted to know if the plan was to give birth by thirty five or just for me to knock you up by age thirty five," Riley said with a snarky tone that made me roll my eyes as he sat down by me.

I looked over at him and he smiled at me which caused me to smile in return.

"You know the only thing you left out was telling them that Tyler and Mike are gay," he said in a teasing tone as he took hold of my hand in his. It was comforting and made me sigh.

"Oh, like they can hide that," I said with an eye roll causing him to laugh at me. It was true though. Mike could not hide being gay even if he had to. Tyler, on the other hand, he probably could since I think his parents were still in the dark about it to this day.

"Well, lucky for me your father did not seem to hear a word you said," Riley said with a teasing smile as he played with my fingers.

"Oh, he heard me, he is just choosing to ignore me, plus he thinks you're an ok guy, so it's fine," I said as Riley laughed out loud at that idea.

We both knew that dad thought Riley was a bit of a player. He had told me so. I believe it was all the times he had caught Riley with his pants down in his car with Bree from back in high school. I remember him telling me to watch out for Riley when I had told him about us being friends back in college.

My dad had gone off the deep end when he discovered that Riley was a good friend of mine back in my undergrad years of college. He was all concerned about Riley tricking me into sleeping with him. He tried to tell me about men. I should have listened better.

"You don't understand men Bella. They are always thinking with their, well you know," my dad had said with a nervous hand gesture to his crotch area.

"They are always thinking about ways to get you in bed," he finished up red faced that night so many years ago when Riley gave me a ride home from Seattle to Forks for Thanksgiving. I believe that I spent the rest of the vacation asking him if that was how he thought too. This teasing effectively ended our father/daughter talks about men. Well, it ended it until I needed his help with Edward.

We sat there in silence for a moment holding hands. It was nice. That was always the best thing about Riley. He never pushed me. He was fine to let me sort things out on my own without prodding me to move along. Maybe that's why we were so good together.

I sat there for another moment and then looked over at him. Riley was lost in thought. It probably had to do with Bree and his fucking mother. That woman needed to learn when to shut her mouth. I had told her once that every comment she made concerning Bree hurts him, but with Patricia it seemed to go in one ear and out the other.

"I think I'm ready to go back in," I said as I watched Riley pull himself from his thoughts to look at me with a grin.

"Do you think you can play nice?" he asked teasingly as he rubbed my hand in a sensual manner. I shook my head no which caused him to break out laughing as we stood up together.

"I love it when you play dirty," he murmured suggestively as he pulled me in for a slight kiss. It was a promise of what was to come later tonight.

"Oh, I know you do," I purred back at him against his lips causing him to chuckle darkly. Yes he loved it dirty.

"Oh, and thanks for trying to save my sperm," he said with a chuckle before kissing me soundly. The feel of his lips hard against mine made me sigh as we stood there kissing. Yes, after this horrible dinner I would need him and all the comfort that only he could provide for me.

We walked back inside while laughing about his insane mother and her crazy ideas. As if Riley would just give it up for his ex so she could have kids. Fuck her and her low sperm count husband. I had never said this to Riley, but I had always found it to be funny that she left him so that she could have kids only to have fertility problems now. Karma is a bitch I guess.

We were walking towards the room when I heard someone call out my name. I turned my head to see who it was when I noticed a very large man trying to hide almost at a small table filled with others. I paused to take a better look only to discover that it was Emmett.

Emmett Cullen was married to my cousin Rosalie. She was the closest thing I had to a sister in this world. They had met through me. He was Edward's brother and the only Cullen that I actually still spoke to.

I watched his big frame squirm in discomfort as another guy beside him called my name again. It was a tall native American young man that looked vaguely familiar. I wondered if he was related to Jacob since he looked kind of like him. I tried to look at the other men at the table since I wanted to be sure that Edward was not there. I was pretty sure that he wouldn't be since him and Emmett were barely on speaking terms, but it still made me nervous.

"Shit," I heard Riley mutter as he stared at the table too. I felt Riley slip his hand into the small of my back in a possive manner. He never did that so yes, something was wrong.

"What's wrong?" I whispered to him as we continued to walk back to our parents. I took another look at the table full of men, but I still could not see who was sitting there.

I paused for a moment longer before simply waving and continuing on. Something was wrong otherwise Emmett would have been more welcoming, so I thought it would be best just to walk away, plus I had kept my parents waiting long enough. I would contact Emmett later.

Riley didn't reply, he just continued to lead me to the table with a determined look on his handsome face.

"Will you talk?" I asked him as I pulled him to a stop before going to our table. I hated that Riley was avoiding my question. It made me think of Edward. This was the same type of bullshit that he would have pulled on me.

"Bella, can you remain calm?" he asked me with a worried look that frightened me. I nodded yes and then waited for him to speak.

"Back at the table," he said as he motioned behind us. I nodded in agreement with hopes that he would just pick up speed with his story.

"Edward is there," he said softly as he looked into my eyes. I knew he was waiting for some sort of terrible reaction and maybe three years ago I would have given him one, but now there was nothing. Maybe it was shock; maybe it was knowing that I could see him while back in my home town, but either way the reaction was not there.

"Are you ok with this?" he asked me as he looked into my eyes. He was looking to see if I would lie to him about it. We had been through too much together to lie.

"Well, I guess I'm ok. I don't like it, but I think I can manage," I stammered as I tried to give him a smile that came out more like a frown. Riley looked at me for a moment longer before cupping my face with his hands and kissed me softly. It was meant to be reassuring, but it just made me more anxious for some reason. He took hold of my hand and held it in his as we walked back to our awaiting parents.

The rest of the dinner went fine. I guessed that dad had told mom to tone it down while I had stepped out on the patio to cool off. My dad, while not always the most understanding man around, was always there to help shield me from my mom and her insanity concerning grandchildren, but that's not to say that he did not want grandchildren too. He was just more subtle about it.

At the end of the dinner everything was back to normal. Our moms would get their jabs in about no grandchildren and we would get our jabs in about no support while our fathers sat by wordlessly passive. It was the twisted beauty of our great relationship that we each had with our parents.

We all were walking out together when I heard my name called once more just as we walked past the table where Emmett sat. I looked over at Emmett immediately and noticed an apologetic look on his face as I felt Riley's hand on the small of my back once more. I did not want to stop. I did not want to face Edward, but it had to happen sometime, so it might as well be now. I took comfort in the feel of Riley's hand upon me.

"Bella Swan, do you remember me?" the guy asked that was obviously native American. I had no clue who this guy was and told him so as politely as I could as I kept looking towards Emmett who seemed to be turning green while I ignored the remaining men at the table. I was not going to look over and see Edward. I would not do it.

"I'm Seth Clearwater. You used to baby sit me," Seth said with a cocky smile that instantly turned me off. I struggled to remember him, but honestly I could not. It had been a lifetime ago since I had last baby sat anyone.

I listened to him stammer his way through explaining our connection. I nodded politely and then eyed Emmett with curiosity as he shook his head at me.

"Well, aren't you going to say hello to the rest of us?' I heard a familiar southern draw, causing me to turn in his direction. I would know that voice anywhere.

Jasper Hale. He was a huge asshole that coasted through law school saying that none of it mattered since he was fucking a Cullen. He was destined for greatness because he was tied to the Cullen legacy. I had always thought he was stupid and I wondered if Alice Cullen knew he was talking about her like that. I didn't doubt that she would dump him so fast his head would spin if she did. I had always told him that it didn't matter who he was fucking since his grades would only lead him in one of those law firms that advertise on TV for medical malpractice during daytime talk shows. I would tell him that fucking a Cullen would get him nowhere. The funny thing was that I had been fucking a Cullen too at the time and I would say that between the two of us I had gotten the better deal. I had gotten out with my soul. I wondered if he could say the same.

"Well, hello Jasper. Are the asbestos law suits drying up? Is Mesothelioma still paying the bills for you?" I asked him with the sweetest tone I could muster. I watched his cocky grin drop into a scowl as he raised his hand to give me the finger while Riley laughed. Riley had never been close to him even though they shared an office at the Cullen law firm.

"Well, fuck you very much Bella," he replied back like the pathetic loser he was. Jasper was never quick with come backs, no wonder he did nothing in a court room.

"Bella," I heard the voice that had been in my nightmares for the last three years say. It was still as soft as a caress as he said my name. I had put off looking at him as long as I could and now I had no choice but to look at him. It made me sick. I turned to look at Edward Cullen as he sat by Jasper.

He looked the same. The same brown hair that had odd red high lights to it. The same perfect face with perfect cheek bones and strong jaw line. The same fiery green eyes that seemed to be able to look right through me, seeing me at my most exposed.

I glanced at his left hand as it rested on the table by his glass of beer and there sat the shiny gold band that I had witnessed Jessica place there. He was still married to her.

I felt the breath rush out of me as I looked at him. I had been avoiding him for three years. I had gone out of my way to not see him again and yet here he was. I knew coming back to Seattle was such a bad idea.

"Long time no see," Edward said to me with an edge to his voice that was pronounced in anger as his eyes gleamed dangerously. He looked like a predator sizing up his prey. Fuck him if he thought he was going to intimidate me. Those days were long over.

"Yeah, I've been busy. I am sure you have too, you know with the wife and all," I replied back in an icy tone that made him flinch. _Yes, asshole, I haven't forgotten that you're married even if you have. _

I felt the heat of anger in my system as I looked at him. He was still beautiful, so beautiful that he was hard to look at, but he still was the asshole that treated me like a whore as I ended it with him. I would never get over that.

"Still sucking grandpa's cock in hopes to make partner? Or have you decided that you may have to actually work for it?" I asked him in a mocking tone. _Yes, I remember all the fucking hoops that you_ _had to jump through for him in hopes of that promotion_. I had been one of those hoops.

I watched as Edward's face went red in anger as I started to laugh at him. I felt Riley nudge me a little as another person walked up.

"Bells, your mom and I were about to take off," my dad said as he approached the table. I watched him scan over the table and then focus in on Edward with a scowl that made Edward flinch.

Yes, he remembered Edward Cullen as well. How could he not? How often does your grown daughter come to you begging for help in disappearing while admitting that she had allowed herself to be treated no better than a common street whore? I imagine that conversation would be forever burned into his memory as it was in mine and I know for a fact it made him hate Edward. How could it not?

"Yeah, I'll be right there," I replied as I half listened to Riley trade insults with Jasper and Edward as well. Yes, there was no love lost between any of them still.

I promised Emmett a phone call later as he looked at me with a sorry look that made me smile. I loved Emmett, even though his brother was a huge dickhole. I knew that once Rosalie found out about this impromptu meeting she would have Emmett's head on a stick and possibly Edward's balls for earrings. She hated Edward almost as much as I did.

I walked away from the table while Riley walked beside me. I could feel Edward's eyes burning a hole in me as I left him once more. I actually felt bad for Emmett since he would have to deal with an angry Rosalie and a pissy Edward.

My dad pulled me aside after I hugged my mom good bye. I knew what was coming.

"Bells, you call me if he bothers you," dad whispered into my ear as he held me close in an awkward hug.

"You worry too much dad," I replied as I squeezed him tighter. It was nice having another man to count on outside of Riley.

"Yeah, well, the boy still looked pissed so…" he said as he trailed off in a cop tone that made me giggle. Dad was the chief of police of my hometown and was always in cop mode when it came to boys around me.

"Ok, ok. Fine, be that way, but let me know if you need me," he replied with a serious tone before he let me go to get in the car.

Riley and I stood there watching them leave as they drove away. There was always a sense of relief when our parents would leave. We could go back to normal now.

"Well, that wasn't so bad," I said as I took hold of his hand in mine. I looked over at him to find Riley watching me closely. There was concern written all over his face as he checked me over.

"Are you ok?" he asked me in a soft tone as his eyes that looked bluer now caressed me.

Was I ok? I guess I was. It was a shock to see Edward, but I knew it would happen eventually. I had hoped it would be more on my terms verses a surprise like it was tonight, but I guess I was ok and I told Riley as much. He seemed pleased enough with my response to drop it for the time being as we walked back into the lobby.

We were just walking towards the elevator as Edward and Jasper appeared in the lobby to leave. I glanced in his direction and then looked away. To the outside person, it would seem like I didn't know who he was and that was the image I was projecting. No one needed to know that he was the man that killed me slowly with his lies and kisses, nor would I allow him to have that power over me again.

Once the elevator doors closed Riley pulled me in close for a kiss. It scorched my skin as if he was personally going to burn away any lingering bitterness that the night had brought. I sighed as my tongue slid along his while his hands moved. One hand slid into my hair to hold my face while the other grasped my ass in a playful manner so I was pressed against his erection.

We were lost for a moment like this until there was the loud sound of someone clearing their throat to get our attention. We jumped apart at the sound only to discover that the doors were now open to the lobby, exposing our kissing and groping to the public while a red faced older couple stood there staring at us.

"Excuse us," the older man said as he tried not to smile at us while his wife looked mortified standing there beside him. I guess our display of affection surprised them a little.

"Oh, sorry," Riley said in a very proper tone even though he still had his lovely hand on my ass while he pulled us both back to allow the couple some room to enter the elevator with us for the long ride up to our rooms.

I was on the verge of laughing when I glanced out into the lobby and saw the shocked face of Edward Cullen staring at me before the elevator doors closed.

**AN:**

**Thank you for reading! I also want to thank the most amazing beta out there in the fandom, without her my story would be a mess! Thank you Parama! You are the best! Now, I also want to throw out some rec's for you to read. Right now the story **_**All at Once **_**by .woman here is the link:**

**.net/s/5683993/1/All_At_Once**

**The story has owned me from the beginning and right now is killing me! You need to read this story if you like a little real life style angst. Ok, I also would like to know what story owns you at the moment since I am always in the market for a good story to read so send me your rec's. Until next time!**

**Hugs to you!**

**Mamasutra**

**xxoo**


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

EPOV

Yes, Bella was still mad at me. After three fucking years of silence, she was still mad at me. It was in her cutting words at the table. It was in her hard look at me as I sat there, dumbfounded by her beauty. Maybe I provoked some of it by saying _Long time no see,_ but what was she expecting. She ran off and now she was here. I had the right to be angry, or at least that was what I was telling myself.

I had been waiting for her since I saw her leave the patio area with that prick Riley Biers. Who the fuck was he? He was touching her like he knew her intimately. He had no right to touch her, but neither did I any more.

I ate in silence knowing that I would stop her as she walked by. I would, I had to talk to her. I needed to tell her that her leaving without another word was childish. I wanted her to feel as bad as I did when I came back from my honeymoon and she was gone. I wanted to see her hurt over it, just like I had.

She had been my best friend long before we were intimate. She understood me better than anyone. She knew that her leaving would kill me. She knew it and did it anyway. She didn't care at all about what would happen to me as she left. She didn't care that everyone would ask me what happened to her. she didn't care that it put me in a terrible position since everyone knew we were close so for her to just leave right after my wedding made it look bad. It made it look like I was the reason she became a ghost. It caused office gossip and endless rumors. It caused me lost sleep and hours of missing her, but she didn't care.

I tried to stomach the steak I had ordered, but I couldn't. I just kept thinking of the woman who was just a few feet away from me. I would look up and find Emmett watching me. I could tell by the expression on his face there was no way he was going to let me talk to her if he could help it.

My mind wandered as I waited to catch Bella once more. I wondered back to the man that came out to sit with her on the patio. Fucking Riley Biers. I had always hated him. He was smug and nothing but a whiney bastard when it came to his girlfriend leaving him. Bella liked him so I had put up with him and it only got worse from there.

He was there the night that Bella found out about my wedding. He was there and listened to me tell Bella that all would be fine. It was probably him that talked her into leaving me.

_ The party was in full swing. I was standing with Jess as my grandfather called attention to us. _

_ "Everyone, I would like you to raise a toast to my grandson Edward. He has completed the Cullen legacy by graduating from law school," he said with pride in his voice. I smiled as people clapped and cheered for me. _

_ "Now, here he is on the verge of marriage and soon a family. I could not be more proud of him," grandpa said and then turned to me with a smile._

_ "And I hope you all will join us at their wedding on New Years Eve," he finished saying with a big smile as everyone cheered. I turned to Jess and gave her a big kiss as if on que. When I pulled back from her I was met with the look of horror on Bella's face._

_ This wasn't how I had wanted her to find out, but I guess it was as good of a time as any. I had promised Bella that by going away that weekend with Jess, I would be ending it with her. I had promised Bella that we would be together. She had gotten us an apartment and all I had to do was end it with Jess, but there was no way I could do that._

_ Jess and I had been together since high school. She had stuck by me through college and law school. I owed her. She had been faithful, which was more that I could say for myself. She had money and was used to privilege. She wasn't using me for anything. She loved me and I believed that I loved her. I figured that Bella would have to understand. _

_ It wasn't that I didn't care for Bella. I did. I didn't think it was love at the time, but I cared for her all the same. She was amazing. She was smart, funny and beautiful. She was everything I could ever have asked for in a woman. She was sexy, wild and willing for anything. She was crazy about me; she loved me and that made her vulnerable to me. There was no way that I was letting her go and I was going to tell her that._

_ I watched her leave the main room and head off to a private bath that was nearby. I had to talk to her. I excused myself and made my way to the room where Bella was at. _

_ I walked in and found her slumped over the sink crying. I hated it when she cried. It made me feel bad. I hated to feel bad. It was a useless emotion._

_ "When were you going to tell me?" she asked me in a low voice that seemed strained._

_ "You've known all along when the wedding date was," I chided her back, hoping like hell that I could have this whole mess blow over so we could go back to normal._

_ "No, you told me that you were ending it with her," she said with a little more force as she looked up at me. It always stunned me that Bella was the only woman that still looked beautiful when she cried. Jess looked like a clown when she cried, but never Bella. She always looked like an angel, just a sad one now._

_ "I can't end it with her Bella. I owe her…" I started to say, but Bella cut me off. She never cut me off._

_ "You owe her! What about me? What do you owe me? I got us an apartment! I planned a future! A future for us remember? Isn't that what you told me when you said 'get the apartment Bella'? " she yelled as she stepped closer with fire in her eye. I knew she was minutes away from slapping me. I could see it in her eyes._

_ I knew she had gotten the apartment. It was a nice, pent house suite that over looked downtown Seattle. It was the one that I had wanted. It would be too expensive for her on her own until she was making more money, especially since she was a student in the last semester of law school. _

_ "Here, let me help you with it," I replied as I fished out my checkbook. Bella's face contorted in anger._

_ "Fuck you and your money! I don't want it!" she yelled louder. I knew that if we kept up on this path someone would hear us. Someone would know that Bella and I were together and that was the last thing I needed coming out at my graduation/engagement party._

_ "Bella, please. Nothing has to change. I want to be with you. You know I do. I love the times that we are together. You know that. I love how adventurous and sexy you are. Nothing is better than being with you," I stuttered hoping that my words would calm her and shockingly they did. _

_ I watched as she froze as if made of ice. I watched her brown eyes go from fire to glazed over as the look of disbelief settled over her face._

_ "Are you talking about sex?" she asked me in almost a whisper, as if she had misunderstood me. I wasn't exactly talking about sex, but if it would quiet her then I would agree to it._

_ "Yes. The sex is amazing, but you know that. The way we move together. The way you look and feel when I am inside you. The way you call my name. There is nothing like it, Bella. I'm addicted to it. I need you," I stammered as I watched her stand there as if the world had come to a halt._

_ "Jess, she just isn't you. She is just, you know, not…not into it," I stammered, but as the words left my mouth I could see where I had gone wrong. I should have never have mentioned Jess, but it was too late now .Bella looked away from me as if she was ashamed._

_ "It was all about sex, huh?" she asked me sounding defeated now._

_ "Not, completely. You're my friend too. I don't want to lose you. I can't lose you. I won't lose you," I said with conviction as I reached out to her, but she stepped back away from me, refusing to let me touch her._

_ Bella refused to look me in the eye as we stood there, silent now. I waited for her to speak, but she said nothing. I finally excused myself from the room to join the party and Jess once more. As I left I saw Riley Biers standing in the door way. He must have heard everything that we had said by the way he was looking at me with disgust. He was no one to judge me. He had no idea about me, or Bella for that matter._

_ I watched for Bella to remerge back into the party and when she did she had Riley at her side. They left together that night without her saying another word to me. It hurt to watch her leave with him._

The memory of that night still stung. Watching her leave with him back then hurt as bad as it did watching her leave with him now. I wondered all through that night as I was with Jess if she was fucking him just to get back at me. Now seeing him still with her I had to believe that she had been with him even back then.

The curiosity over whether or not she had been with him while with me suddenly burned through me. I needed to know. I needed to know if she had been faithful to me. It was insane of me to wonder especially considering that many nights I would leave Bella fucked silly and satisfied only to go home to make love to Jessica. It was dirty and wrong, but I did it all the same.

I was being a hypocrite and I knew it, but I needed to know. I had always thought that Bella was faithful to me, but maybe she wasn't. There was that time she left with another man just to prove the point that she could, but that was a onetime thing, or so I thought. The betrayal burned through me like a wildfire. I had to know if Bella betrayed me like that. I would ask Emmett, he would know since he was married to that bitch and Rosalie would be more than happy to tell me if she thought it would hurt me somehow.

I watched Bella leave with her father and mother as Riley touched her. Charlie Swan was still as intimidating as hell. I remember meeting him. It was not pleasant, but I guess I should not have been expecting it to be. The glare that he gave me was a warning that I was treading on thin ice by being that close to his daughter. I guess he had not forgotten his threat from three years go.

I had spent weeks after returning from my honeymoon looking for Bella, but it was like she had dropped off the side of the planet. After tiring all of the resources that I had, I called in a private investigator since I had the means to do so. I was refusing to take Bella's no for an answer. I knew if I could talk to her, I could convince her to give me time. I knew I could convince her that being with me was for the best, if not for her, then for me.

It was after I had hired the investigator that I was privy to meet Charlie Swan. In the five years that I had known Bella then I had never met him. She had wanted to take me home to meet him and her mother, but I refused. There was no need. Bella and I could not go public with our relationship so why meet her folks? I tried to get Bella to understand that in my world we could never be. In my world I had obligations to my family and that had to come before what I may want even if that want was her.

Grandpa Cullen had found out about my indiscretion with Bella. It had come to his attention one night after we had sex in the conference room and the night security guard caught us. I had paid that security guard not to say anything, but I guess my fifty dollars wasn't enough to buy his silence.

Grandpa had called me in the next day. He congratulated me on being with Bella since she was not only beautiful, but also very smart. He then reminded me that if I ever wanted to be partner in the law firm that he had built, not my father, but he alone had built, that I would need to keep my affair with Bella private.

He had told me that Bella Swan was good enough for a tryst, but not good enough to be a Cullen bride or bear any Cullen children. It hurt to hear him say that since Bella was important to me. I had been considering at that point in time to end things with Jess to be with Bella, but with grandpa's disapproval there was no way I could do that. I wanted to be part of the Cullen legacy. I wanted to be partner and there was no way to do that with Bella as my wife, not that I was thinking of making her my wife at the time, or any time really.

It was at that moment that I should have walked away from Bella. I should have left her alone, but I couldn't. I was addicted to her. I needed to feel her skin. I needed to taste her. She was like a ray of sun in the darkness that was my world, so when she left I was left in total darkness.

I remember being so damn happy that the investigator had found something. I remember lying to Jess about why I would be late that night since that was all before Jess discovered that she loved being Mrs. Cullen more than she loved me.

I met Mr. Jenkins, the private investigator, at his office down town. He walked me into a dark conference room and motioned for me to sit down, as I sat the room filled with men. I had never felt so intimidated in my whole life. I later found out that all of those men were local police officers there acting on a favor for a comrade.

_"So you're Edward Cullen, huh?" the tall man with dark hair and dark eyes asked in a menacing tone. He appeared to be the leader of the group. I nodded my head since I had no idea what was going on. I looked toward Jenkins, but he looked away as if he was embarrassed._

_ "What the hell is going on?" I asked as I tried to stand up, but two other men shoved me back into my chair to sit down._

_ "I have the same question for you," the man asked as he smiled and brushed at his bushy mustache for a moment. He looked familiar, like I should know him somehow._

_ "Don't you know me? Ok, fine. I'm Charlie Swan. I'm Bella's father. You and I need to talk," he said with a menacing smile. _

_ That night I learned that Bella had told him everything. She had told him that we had been intimate. She had told him that she knew I would not leave her alone and that was what she wanted, to be left alone. She had told him everything._

_ "Son, if you're smart you'll go back home to your wife and you'll forget all about my daughter," he said as he looked at me from across the table with dark brown eyes so much like his daughter._

_ "And what if I don't?" I asked him like the smartass I was. Charlie Swan could not force me into anything. I was a Cullen and we were not ones to mess with._

_ "Well, then I'll be forced to show your new wife this," Charlie said with an evil smirk as he held up a DVD in his hands._

_ "My daughter said that this was accidentally filmed, but after meeting you I'm not so sure since you sure seem to like to treat her like a whore," Charlie said with a sneer._

_ I had no idea what he was talking about or what was on the DVD, for all I knew he was bluffing._

_ "We never filmed anything and I never treated Bella like a whore," I said back as calmly as I could. I was calling him out. I was forcing him to lay his hand down so I could see what he was talking about._

_ I watched as he stood up and put the DVD in the player by the only TV in the room._

_ "I beg to differ Edward. You treated her like a whore every chance you got, but what's done is done. I promised Bella that I wouldn't hurt you even if you deserved it and trust me boy, you deserve it," he said as the TV came to life._

_ The screen filled with an image of the conference room at my family's law office and then Bella came into the screen with me leading her in the room. I kissed her and started to undo the buttons of her blouse. It was as I pulled on her skirt that Charlie cut the DVD off so that nothing more could be seen so he was not disrespecting his daughter. _

_ My mind raced at the images that had played. I had missed Bella so much that I had almost forgotten making that video. I had turned on the camera in the conference room and then lead her in there that night, but not before lying to Jess about where I would be that evening._

_ I fucked her on the table while it recorded us, even though she did not know about the recording until afterwards. I had told her that I had wanted a video for the nights we could not be together and while she was uncomfortable with it she did not have a hysterical fit over it either. I wondered how she had gotten the video since I had never given to her._

_ "See boy, once more treating my daughter like a whore," Charlie said with a hard edge to his voice. There was no recourse for me. Charlie Swan had me by the balls. I could not let Jess see this video, not only was it me having sex with someone other than her, it was filmed on her birthday while I had told her that I was too busy to make it to her family dinner._

_ "What do you want?"I asked him, honestly curious as to what he wanted and why he hadn't done anything yet. _

_ "I want you to leave my daughter alone. I want you to stop going to the campus looking for her. I want you to stop trying to find where she lives or her phone number. I want you to act as if she never existed because to you, she never has," he said with anger as he stared me down with a cop look that made me want to run away._

_ "And then I want you to go about your life and love your wife. I want you to have a daughter. A daughter that you would live for and that you would die for. I want you to raise this daughter to be an upstanding citizen and have a good moral character. I want you to do this and then I hope some snot nose bastard walks into her life, convinces her that she deserves nothing and treats her like a street whore by trying to pay her off with money. I want you to do this for me so that way you can appreciate how I feel right now and how fucking lucky you are that I have not killed you yet," he said with such coldness that it gave me the chills. Charlie Swan wanted me dead and the only thing that was stopping him was his daughter._

_ Jenkins motioned for me to stand up. I was ordered out, but not before Charlie stopped me one last time._

_ "I promise you, if I find out that you have bothered my Bella again I will hand deliver your wife a copy of this DVD. Do you understand me?" he asked me I nodded my head in agreement before walking out into the cold night air. It seemed colder knowing that I had no choice, but to give up Bella. _

I shook my head to clear the image of that night just as we walked out to the lobby to leave. I had tried to get a ride back to the office with Emmett to collect my car so I would have a chance to talk to him about Bella without Seth and Jasper listening, but he came up with excuses as to why he couldn't offer me that ride.

I stood waiting as Seth and Jasper said good bye while talking about some case that they were involved in. I watched as Bella appeared from outside and walked across the lobby with Riley at her side. Neither one of them acknowledged us standing there.

I watched as they got in the elevator to go up to their room. It was depressing as hell to know that she was that close and yet so far away from me once more.

I watched an older couple approached the elevator and soon the doors came open again exposing Riley and Bella locked in a passionate embrace. They were kissing; deep, open mouth kisses with his hands grasping her ass to hold her close to him. That type of kissing only led up to one thing and that was wild hotel room sex. I watched as they parted just enough to make the older couple uncomfortable as they got on the elevator with them.

Riley was fucking her. She was with him. It was obvious and I was pissed about it. I was pissed because she had moved on and here I was stuck wallowing, missing a girl that probably was fucking him from the very beginning. I mean, if I had been her I would have. Why not? What was stopping her anyway?

It would have explained all the nights she spent talking with him after his girlfriend left him. It explained why she moved in with him when she hid from me that last semester of law school. It explained everything to me and yet it made me sick.

The idea of Bella being with him while she was with me made me ill. I know it made me very hypocritical since I had Jess, but I can't help it. The thought of Bella being with anyone made me ill.

I found myself lost in thought trying to figure out if she had been with him while we were together. She wouldn't have. She couldn't have. I was with her all the time, but then again I had been with Jess so what was stopping her?

Jasper called me out of my thoughts by telling me it was time to leave. I followed him silently, all the while wondering what was going on in Bella's hotel room upstairs from me.

"Did you see them?" Jasper asked with a chuckle as we got in the car.

"See who?" I asked him as I sat down, praying that the trip back to the car would be a quick one.

"Bella and Riley. Were they together back when she lived here?" he asked me. That was the million dollar question that I wanted to know as well.

"I have no idea," I replied and for once that was the truth when it came to questions about Bella.

I listened to him go on about the two of them while he shared his theories as to why they had to be together when they lived here in Seattle. It was making me sick. Finally, he dropped me off at my car. I thanked him for the ride and got out so I could end this night from hell right now.

I got in my Volvo and closed my eyes, just enjoying the silence before starting the car. It was almost eight o'clock. Jess would be home. Or at least should be anyway.

I drove slowly as I drove out of town towards our house in the suburbs of Seattle. It was in the best neighborhood since that was what Jess wanted. On the drive home I thought about Bella. I thought about our time together. I remembered how she would smile at me. I remembered how soft her skin was. I remembered how passionate her kisses were and when she came she sometimes would cry from the emotions that went with it.

She had always amazed me with how real she was. She had always made me strive to be a better man when I was with her so the thought of her with another while she was with me just killed me. I know I had no right to feel that way, since I had Jess and did not even hide it from her. Hell, many nights she was forced to endure time with me and Jess together as a couple.

I remember how she would complain that she couldn't do it. She couldn't sit through the night pretending not to love me while Jess hung all over me. I would tell her that she had no choice and to stop making things so difficult. Needless to say I was such an asshole to her, yet she put up with it.

I remember how she would whisper that she loved me and I would never say it back. I would either say _no you don't _or _I know_, but never _I love you_. I wondered if Riley told her that he loved her.

After half an hour of pondering the enigma that was Bella Swan I was finally home. The lights were off so I wasn't sure if Jess was home or not. I was hoping that she wasn't since I was in no mood to deal with her tonight.

I walked into the house and found it to be dark with the exception of candles glowing in the front room. I silently walked in, knowing that Jess was in there. This was her method of seduction. Candles, soft music, and most likely her decked out in barely there lingerie. When I looked in I found Jess lying on the couch. She was naked with a startled look like I had caught her doing something bad.

"What are you doing baby?' I asked her softly. She loved it when I called her baby and I could not think of the last time I called her baby. I used to call Bella baby too, but that was so I never got her and Jess's name mixed up. Bella had called me out on that once, but I denied it, of course. Jess looked at me with surprise that she tried to it cover with a naughty smirk.

"I was just laying here thinking of you," she whispered to me and then smiled as her hand traced around her small breast before trailing down to her pussy. Sex with Jess had not been good lately. Something was off and I had no idea what it was, but if she was offering it to me I was not about to say no, not after the day I had.

"Really, why don't you show me?" I purred at her as I slipped off my jacket and tossed it on the other chair across from her. She smiled happily as she parted her legs and started to rub around her clit. I could see her glistening wet in the candle light as she parted her folds to expose herself to me.

"It's been too long baby," she said all breathy as she started to pump her three fingers in and out of her slick pussy. It has been. I cannot think of the last time I had fucked my wife. It had to be weeks now and I was beyond ready for that release.

I slowly unbuttoned my shirt and tossed it off on the floor, followed by my shoes and socks. I unbuttoned my pants as Jess meowed and cooed as she plugged her fingers in and out of her hot pussy while circling her clit with her other hand in the teasing manner that she liked so much.

I stepped out of my pants and boxers all at once so I was standing there naked in the candle light. I took my hard cock and stoked it as I watched her bring herself closer to orgasm.

"I want you to fuck me. I want you to fuck me hard," she cooed as she pushed herself closer.

I pushed her hand out of the way and thrust inside of her with a groan as I filled her while she came hard on me.

"Yes," she hissed as I pulled out of her and forced her on her knees. She loved it from behind. I plunged back into her as she groaned from the sensation. I thrust in and out of her as she panted and cussed loudly. She was wet, sloppy wet. It caused loud suctions noises as I fucked her hard until I came inside her as I groaned in relief. It was rather quick since I had gone without sex for so long now.

I collapsed on top of her with a thud, panting and sticky. Yes, this was what I needed I thought as the bliss that came only after an orgasm followed through me like a rich wine.

"Ed, that was amazing," she said happily as she let me crush her with my weight. I agreed absent mindedly with her. It was nice.

"Did you know that Lauren is pregnant?" she asked me in a quiet voice as she rolled out from under me. I had no idea that her best friend was pregnant, not that I cared about it either.

"No, I didn't," I replied back with a tired sigh as I moved so that she could sit on the couch while I cringed. It was an expensive couch and I hated the idea that Jess was most likely leaking cum on the expensive couch cushions.

"Well, she is," Jess said with a pout as she looked at me. I looked over at her pouting face and tried not to laugh. I know that she thought that she was endearing when she pouted, but to me she just looked like a baby who wasn't getting her way. My eyes skimmed her form in the candle light. Jess was beautiful with a slight build and small breast. She had a young face that could make her pass for early twenties and she was one of those women who senselessly worried about looking old, as if growing old was the worst thing that could happen to her.

"Ed, I want a baby now," Jess finally said as I choked on the drink of her wine that I had stolen from her glass. She continued on as I choked and sputtered.

"I've gone off the pill Ed. I could get pregnant right now after that performance since I have been off a month now," she said with confidence as she looked at me as if she was daring me to do something about it.

"You what?" I asked her as I found my voice again, which was gravelly from choking.

"I stopped taking the pill over a month ago so I could get pregnant," she said with a wicked look in her bright blue eyes.

"Why didn't you tell me?" I asked her as anger started to take over the shocked feeling I had. I felt betrayal seeping into my system from her actions.

"Because you would just say no," she replied with a snotty smile. She was right. I would have said no. I would have told her no way in hell. I would have worn a rubber tonight.

"So, that's it, huh? I don't get a vote in this. You want a baby and so we are having one?"I asked her in a demanding voice that made her smile.

"Yes," she replied back sweetly as she batted her eyes at me. I remembered how back in high school this would melt my heart, but now it just irritated me.

"No way Jess. No babies. I have told you all along no babies," I said as I stood up and slipped my boxers on followed by my pants. I slipped my shirt on and then grabbed my jacket before heading back towards the garage door.

"Where are you going?" she asked me in a whiney voice as she followed me into the kitchen towards the garage door, still naked and glowing in the candle light.

"I'm leaving. I can't stay here right now with you," I said as my irritation seeped out into my voice as I walked out the door. I slammed it behind me. I got in my car and felt nauseas as the scent of sex swirled around me. I started the car and pulled out of the drive while Jess watched me go, not caring at all about her naked form being on display to the neighborhood.

I drove off into the night, unsure of where I was headed. The miles passed and as they did my thoughts drifted back to Bella once more. My thoughts always seemed to go back to her in moments of crisis.

I remembered her laughter. I remembered watching movies with her and studying with her. I remembered the way the moonlight would cause shadows on her face. I remembered how she cried when she thought I wasn't looking after I would leave her alone. At the time I didn't feel bad about it since I had always thought that she understood what her role was in our relationship. Looking back, maybe she didn't understand at all.

I drove mindlessly. I thought about Bella being with Riley. Are they together? Have they always been together? Does she love him like she loved me? Was she with him when she was with me? The more I thought about it the more sick I became and the more I thought of Bella with another man the more thoughts of Jess crept into my mind.

Jess. There was a whole other issue right there. I never wanted children. I had told her this shortly after we had gotten married. She had never disagreed with it. She seemed ok with my decision so for this to come out of the blue so suddenly was irritating. Damn her friend for getting pregnant. Lauren was an absolute moron and it was just so like Jess to want to do everything that her friends did. It was just another reason to hate her friends.

I was lost in my chaotic thoughts as I drove until I found myself stopping. I had stopped in the parking ramp of the Grand Hyatt Hotel in downtown Seattle. I had just left here a few hours before my encounter with Jess. I knew somewhere in this building was Bella. I sat in my car in the parking garage stunned that my over traumatized mind had brought me unknowingly back to Bella just like a moth to her flame.

**AN:  
Thank you for reading! I want to send a special thanks out to Icarustosun for her help with this chapter! She is amazing and without her the story would not be as good!**

**I also want to thank you all for your rec's. I will list them so some other writer's get some love too!**

**Remember Me by Isakasses (thanks to mamacat20)**

**Relative Wind by Mac214 (thanks to Genevieve blanc)**

**Glitch by Quothme (thanks to kissyfur)**

**Duty and Desire by Aspenleaf (thanks to x-silly-caitlin-x)**

**Multiverse by Georgeglass (thanks to sweetestlady-2030)**

**I have to say the story rec'd All at Once by .woman it has come to an end, but what a wonderful ending it was! Seriously folks, go read it! This time I will rec a story that has me looking forward to Fridays. It is …..**

**Dead On My Feet by Cesca Marie**

**Here's the link**

**.net/s/6007656/1/Dead_On_My_Feet**

**Check it out all since I am loving it!**

**Until next time!**

**Take care,**

**Mamasutra**

**xxoo**


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

BPOV

The elevator doors closed and as they did Riley pulled me a little closer just as the older woman next to us glanced back at us. She was trying not to watch us, but you could tell that she was sneaking looks and so could Riley. I watched a teasing grin spread across Riley's face before he leaned closer and slowly kissed my neck. He was such a tease.

A moment later the elevator doors opened and the older couple spilled out as if they could not get away from us fast enough. Their awkward actions made us both laugh loudly as they exited the elevator.

"You're so bad," I said with laughter still in my voice as I pulled Riley closer to me for a kiss.

"Oh, I can be bad," he whispered in a seductive tone as he held my gaze so that I was lost in his eyes. I felt the swirl of emotions telling me that his touch was close as my heart started to race.

"Show me," I whispered back to him before standing on my tip toes to nip along his jaw line before capturing his lips in a kiss. It was a heated kiss that he welcomed with a groan. I was ready for him after the night we had and yes, he was ready for me as well.

Riley backed me into the cold wall of the elevator as his lips parted against mine and I was greeted with his sweet tongue. It slid slowly, tauntingly against mine as I continued to pull him closer. I wanted to feel him everywhere against me. I wanted to know that he was here and I was not alone.

The ding of the elevator caused us both to jump as it notified us that we had reached our destination as the doors opened. We pulled apart slowly as Riley chuckled at my eagerness to be near him. He had to know that I would be needy, especially after our evening back there.

Riley stepped out as he pulled me out of the elevator. He wrapped his arms around me once I was in the hall.

"Did I tell you how beautiful you looked tonight?' he asked me as he pressed a kiss under my ear causing me to shudder against him in delight. I shook my head no and then listened to his chuckle as he squeezed me tighter.

Our times together after we left our parents were always more intense. It was like the connection needed to be deeper, stronger, whatever, so that we could burn away the bitterness that was left in their wake. Tonight would be no different.

We walked along the hall together until we reached my door and he used the key card to let us in. The room was dark and inviting as we stepped in over the doorway. I felt my heart start to pound in anticipation of his touch. I wanted him. I needed him now.

I needed to feel his touch burn away myself doubt and self loathing. I needed to feel him around me, and inside me. I wanted to breathe him in and hold him to me so that I would never feel alone again.

Riley seemed to sense my urgency as he pulled me close. His hands went instantly to the knot at my side that held my wrap together.

"I want to feel you," he whispered against the skin of my neck as he paused kissing me there just long enough to get that statement out. I moaned at his words since they caused a delightful ripple effect of desire inside me.

Once he had the knot undone I slipped out of the dress, leaving it lying in a heap on the floor by my feet. Riley stepped back for a moment and looked at me. I felt his eyes roam across my skin. He was appreciating the midnight blue lacy bra that showed off my breast to him as well as the matching blur thong that left me practically bare for him while still wearing my fuck me boots that he adored on me. I could hear the hiss from him taking in air as he looked over my skin with fiery eyes.

"You are so beautiful," Riley whispered in a reverent tone that made me blush. I hadn't blushed in years, but every time he treated me like I was a precious jewel I would find myself blushing like a virgin for him. He loved it.

I stepped closer as I watched his eyes. They were watching my hips sway, which made me smile. I slowly started to unbutton his shirt and as the buttons came undone I ran my hand up from his stomach to his chest where his heart was. I smiled at the shiver I felt go through him at my touch. I reached down and unbuttoned his dress pants as I undid his belt. I wanted him naked as soon as possible. I needed him now.

I watched while I bit my lip as his pants fell to the floor with a thud since they still contained his wallet and such. Riley stepped out of the heap of clothes and in the process kicked off his shoes and socks so he was before me in his boxers that were tented with his obvious desire.

I ran a finger down his chest to follow the line of hair that lead under his boxers to his cock. It was a teasing line that I found I wanted to trace with my tongue. I stepped closer to him and began to kiss his chest in open mouth kisses that made him sigh as I followed a line down until I was leaning over kissing his stomach.

Slowly I sunk to my knees as I heard him mutter the word fuck as I tugged his boxers down to leave his cock exposed to me. It was large and twitching with anticipation as my breath hit it. I didn't look up at Riley, but I could feel his eyes on me. He never liked this position. He said it felt like he was demeaning me, but I never minded this. I quickly licked across the swollen head of his cock, tasting his precum as it dripped before he had a chance to protest our stance.

I took him in my mouth slowly as I listened to Riley cuss in a huff of air as I looped my tongue around him in my mouth as I pulled back, releasing him a little by little from my mouth. I pressed him into my mouth with a fast swoop until he hit the back of my throat, causing him to grunt in surprise by my actions. Riley pulled his cock out of my mouth with a quick action so that he was in front of me wet from my saliva and angry looking as if his own cock was upset by his actions.

"I want to be inside you," he murmured as he pulled me up so that I was pressed against his body. His hands were making quick work of my bra so that I was bare against his hands. I sighed as I felt his fingers tracing my nipple before tweaking it, causing me to gasp at the sensation of it.

Riley walked me backwards to the bed and then I crawled upon it, causing him to growl as he watched my ass sway in front of him.

"Want me to take off the boots?" I asked him as I motioned towards my legs. I watched as his eyes trailed over my legs before he crawled into bed with me. He shook his head no with a smile as he pushed me back on the mattress while I giggled. Yes, he loved the boots.

Riley was needy that night. His hands, followed by his mouth were everywhere I wanted them to be. I felt his hands part my thighs as his mouth was firmly attached to my breast, lavishing the one nipple with attention that was making the other one jealous. I could feel his hand cup my sex as he held me there before his nimble fingers parted my flesh and slowly stroked my wet skin causing me to shudder.

His fingers found entrance and soon were filling me in-between teasing my clit.

"I need you," I all but moaned to him as he kissed my neck, marking my skin with his kisses. Riley was being a bit possessive tonight and I could feel it in his kissing. It was as if he was trying to force me to be his, as if force was needed.

Without a word he moved so that he was posed above me, rubbing his cock over my wet folds causing me to moan as he panted against my ear. He slowly started to fill me as he pushed his cock in inch by inch inside of me.

This was my favorite part of our being together. It was that first moment of when he would enter me. The feeling of my body stretching and adjusting to his size would cause me to hold my breath in wonder. I would be suspended in bliss as we went from two broken souls to one perfect one all in matter of seconds.

Riley slowly moved inside me. It was as if he was savoring the feel as well until he could not take it any longer. I felt his movements increase and as they did I felt the tingling of a pending orgasm start within my belly.

I could hear his soft muttering of nonsensical words as he thrust inside me with more force. It was moving us up the bed as my boot clad legs were wrapped around his narrow waist. As I moved my legs higher around his waist Riley slipped deeper inside me, causing us both to groan in pleasure at the new angle from which he was entering me.

I found myself losing control with my hands pulling his hair as he tried to bury himself within my body. His movements were becoming faster and quirkier so I knew he was fighting his orgasm, waiting for me to reach mine just like the gentleman he was. When he could take it no longer, I felt his finger circling my clit in a rhythm similar to his thrusts until I finally came while muttering his name over and over. He quickly followed me and filled my body with his as he let out a low groan of satisfaction before collapsing on top of me, spent and happy.

I held him to me as I lay beneath him twitching from the force of the orgasm that I had blissfully endured with him while he was still buried within me. We lay like that for I don't know how long until Riley finally laughed a little before pulling back just enough to brush the hair out of my face.

"There. That fixes everything," he said teasingly in a sleepy voice that made me smile as he rolled off me as I groaned. I missed him being close to me already.

"Of course. Sex does fix everything," I replied back in a confirming tone, causing him to laugh louder at me. He knew it was wrong. He knew we were wrong to behave like this, but it never stopped us. This _was_ us.

Riley pulled me close once more and snuggled up against me as he sighed. I could feel his hands running over my sides causing goose bumps to form from his touch. I loved being touched like this afterwards. I loved the feel of his hands on me as if he could not stop touching me. Edward was never like that.

Edward. I hated that he had slipped into my thoughts. I thought I was doing so well by not thinking of him, but as it turns out he was just waiting to make his presence known in my mind. It was just so fucking like him to do that too.

"You know you're going with me," Riley said with sleepy authority. It was this tone that made me focus back on what he was saying. Riley has been talking and my mind had wandered off concerning Edward.

"Where exactly am I going?" I asked him as I rubbed my hand through his hair, causing him to almost purr for me.

"My high school reunion, or should I say _our_ high school reunion," he said as I sighed to the feel of his hands gripping my hips lightly then letting go.

Our ten year high school reunion was coming up. I had forgotten about that. It probably helped that I was never invited. I never hung out with the kids in my graduating class. I was dating Jacob then so I spent all my time down at the reservation with him and his friends.

I knew that Riley wanted me to go since Bree would be there and there was no way I was about to let him face that bitch without me by his side. I agreed that I would go, but it would cost him. This veiled threat of paying something to me only made him laugh as he pulled me tight against him.

"You wanna talk?" he asked me as he ghosted his lips over my collar bone softly. I knew what he was asking. He wanted to know if I was ok about Edward. I turned a little in his arms so I could look at him better and then rolled my eyes at him.

"Hey, I just need to know that you're ok, that's all," he replied as he gave me a serious look that surprised me as his blue green eyes locked with mine. Riley was never serious when we were together. It made my heart pound to see him so serious.

"As long as I have you I'll be fine," I replied with a smile that seemed to relax him a bit.

"Oh, honey, you know you own me," he cooed at me with a teasing smile. No, I didn't.

"Just until next pretty blonde comes along," I replied back with a teasing smile that caused him to growl at me before rolling his eyes.

"Go to sleep Ducky. Tomorrow is a big day," Riley said with a yawn as he tugged me closer. That was one of the many nice things about Riley, close was never close enough for him. I lay next to him, with him wrapped around me as I felt his breathing even out.

He was asleep, but he still had me in a death grip. I blame it on the night. I held him for a while as my mind raced over what occurred tonight. I thought of my conversations with my parents. I hated it that I had told mom and his mom about our plans. There was no way that either one of them would forget that I had said in seven years I would have a baby, Riley's baby to be exact. There would be no getting out of it now.

My mind continued racing and eventually ended up on Edward once more. I though back to seeing him there. He looked a little older, like he had seen rougher times. He looked tired and yet somehow still as regal as ever. I hated that when I saw him my heart lurched in my chest. I hated that I still found him to be the most handsome man that I had ever seen. I hated it all. It would have been easier to see him if he was bald, or fat, or just not Edward looking, but he wasn't. He was perfect as usual. I guess money will buy perfection, or at least the image of it.

I squeezed Riley tighter and felt him sigh against me. His sleeping form turned a little so now he was draped over me as if he was using me for a human pillow. It made me smile.

My mind continued to trail off into the dark pathways that I have not allowed it to go into willingly for three years now. I thought back to a time when I could not keep away from Edward. He was everywhere and I wanted him everywhere. He would spend nights at my place studying. We shared the same study room at the law library. We were inseparable and I loved it. Now looking back at that time I can only cringe with embarrassment for how I behaved.

I allowed him to treat me like a whore. I allowed it and I think that's what is so unnerving to me. I allowed it. I never stopped him until I had to. I never told him no until I was forced. I never defended myself until the very end. When I did finally defend myself, it wasn't much of a defense; it was more like a retreat. I ran away from him. No, I did more than run, I disappeared.

I knew at the time it was the best decision, but it left me with very little closure and I needed closure from this tumultuous relationship that had defined my life for years. I had allowed it to define me and I guess in a weird way it still does define me since here I am, a divorce attorney helping others leave their horrible spouses.

I quietly moved so that I could get up. I couldn't sleep. My mind was filled with memories of my times with Edward and it just seemed wrong to be wrapped up in Riley while thinking of Edward.

I pulled on Riley's discarded t-shirt and a pair of sleeping shorts of mine as I moved into the other room of my suite. I closed the door to allow Riley sleep in peace. He deserved a peaceful rest. Riley deserved everything good in life.

I sat down at the desk and pulled out my laptop to do work as long as I was awake. There was no need to waste time thinking of a man that did not think enough of me. Edward was always like that. He thought of everyone else first, except me. It should have been warning a sign, but I was dumb and in love so I could not see it. I had believed that he would change, that it was different since we were trying to keep our relationship a secret, but there was one instance when I just realized that this was how it would be. It was in that instance that I knew where I stood with Edward and yet I still remained with him, if you could call it that.

It was at the very beginning of my first year of law school. Edward and I had just started our twisted relationship of sex and lies. I had received a phone call telling me that my dad had a heart attack and I was needed back in my hometown of Forks. I called Edward immediately, crying and looking for some sort of comfort. I told him everything. I told him how I was scared and wasn't sure if I could drive there on my own. I told him that I needed him and his response told me everything I needed to know about us.

"Bella, I can't help you. I have plans tonight," he replied to me in a bored tone that made my heart split in two. I later found out his plans involved a date night with Jess, Jasper Hale and his sister at the movie theater.

I spent my few days in Forks watching my father, who was mending well and avoiding Edward's calls, which was easy since he called me only once. When I arrived back in Seattle three days later I was greeted with an angry Edward. He was upset that I had been gone for three days since it affected him and his schedule. He never asked about me or how my dad was. It was all about him. It was at that moment I should have left him, but I didn't. I was in too deep at that time.

I shook my head trying to clear my mind of the memory and the anger that came with it. I looked to make some coffee, only to discover that I would need to stop by the front desk for coffee grounds since I had already used the amount left in my room that morning and the decaf that was still there would not help me at all. With a heavy sigh I grabbed my room card to leave and get coffee, not caring that I was in a t-shirt and shorts since I was sure these people had seen guest wearing worse items. I slid on some gym shoes and then headed towards the door as silently as I could since I did not want to wake Riley.

I opened the door and started to step out into the hall when I noticed a man loitering close by. I stopped immediately as every warning about the dangers of a young woman alone in a hotel in the middle of the night ran through my head all- in my father's voice. I looked towards the man and gasped in surprise as I realized it was Edward. He was standing in my hall, looking at me as if he had been waiting for me there.

He looked me with his green eyes looking defeated. He never looked defeated.

"Bella," he said in a soft voice as if he was almost surprised to be there with me as well. I felt the air swoosh out of my lungs. What the hell was he doing here?

"What the hell?" was all I was able to sputter out as he stepped closer to me. I watched as his eyes went from defeat to anger in all of three seconds.

"You and I need to talk," he said with an edge to his voice that instantly pissed me off. It was so like Edward to show up and make demands like he was in charge. Fuck him.

"You and I have nothing to talk about," I replied as I stood there in the door way of my room. I debated going inside and just shutting the door in his face, but then decided fuck him. I was going to get my coffee and he was not about to stop me.

"Oh, sweetheart, we have a lot to talk about," he nearly growled at me as he stepped closer. His green eyes gleamed dangerously as he looked at me. There was a time when that look would have left me frightened, but now it just pissed me off even more.

"I have said everything I needed to say to you," I replied back with anger coloring my tone.

"Really? Everything?" he asked me with a bit of disbelief in his voice as he scowled at me in anger.

"Yes, I think good bye summed it up for me," I said to him and then smirked a smart ass smile that I knew would send him over the top in anger.

"If you think for one moment that you can-" he started to yell, but stopped suddenly and stared dumbfounded at me. I had no idea what he was staring at until I heard Riley's voice

"Ducky, what are you doing out here?" I heard Riley ask me in a voice that was tense with anger. I stepped closer to him as I turned my head to look at Riley. He was standing behind me in his boxers with his brown hair standing up all over from my hands in it. He looked like he had been sleeping, which he was until Edward and I woke him up with our bickering.

"I was going to get coffee when I discovered _this_ out in the hall" I said as I waved a hand towards Edward in a disgusted manner.

"Cullen, I think you need to go home," Riley said in a cold voice that gave me shivers for all the malice it held. Yes, he still hated Edward.

"I cannot believe you!" Edward said with disgust as he looked from Riley to me.

"Were you fucking him when we were together?" he hissed at me as his eyes narrowed in anger as he stepped closer to me as if he was trying to keep the conversation between us. Once more just so like Edward, trying to keep our being together a secret.

"Were you?" he demanded as he stepped closer as if he was going to take hold of my arm. I was in shock over his accusation, but Riley had the good sense to pull me backwards before Edward grabbed me.

"If you touch her, I assure you, it will be the last thing you do. I have seen your bruises on her before and I won't let that happen again," Riley said to him in such a dead calm manner that Edward stopped his rage for a moment and looked at him in surprise.

"Go home to your wife Edward. There is nothing for you here now," I said as I found my voice once more. It was empty, just like me.

I wanted him gone. I turned toward Riley and stepped closer as I whispered to him for us to go back in the room. We stepped back into the room before shutting the door with me never looking back and Riley's eyes never leaving Edward's.

Riley lured me back into the bed with soft words and promises that he would make everything better. He pulled me close, whispering that everything was fine as I told him how everything was far from fine. He let me rage about being back in this terrible town. He let me cry against his bare skin as he held me tight. He murmured his soft words and sweet promises of a better tomorrow while I cried until all the emotion was gone.

Once I was empty and feeling void, I wrapped myself around his lean frame. I closed my eyes and willed myself asleep while Riley pressed his face to the top of my head and held me in a comforting manner. It was at that moment I tried to consider what I would do without Riley beside me and my mind went blank.

The morning came swift and harsh as it greeted us with its blinding light. I was still tired and emotionally strung out from the previous night as Riley slowly encouraged me to get up. This was the big day. This was the meeting that we were dragged back to this hell hole to attend.

I dressed slowly after a long and relaxing shower. Riley, who was agitated already, was dressed in one of his suits looking handsome as ever while bouncing his knee nervously as he sat at my table waiting for me once more. He hated it when I dragged my feet.

"I don't know what you're so scared of since Tanya will probably be making us partner today," he said with a confident tone, but he didn't fool me at all. I knew he was just as nervous. Riley could never fool me.

We left the hotel together with plans to meet Mike and Tyler before entering the building to face Tanya. They had chosen a coffee shop around the corner of the office. It was quiet and unassuming so it helped with soothing the nerves a bit.

We all ordered coffee as we looked at each other with scared eyes. This could be it for us. We knew that Tanya and Garrett were looking to get out or at least downsize their responsibilities with the firm. If I had heard it once I had heard it a thousand times from Tanya that she was ready to travel and focus more on her writing since she wrote in her spare time.

We left the coffee shop and walked the rest of the way since it was not raining as of yet that morning. I loved the air right before a good rain storm. It was heavy and thick with the moisture. It made me sigh since it reminded me of home.

Riley, who had been holding my hand, let go of me as we opened the door to walk into the Denali Law Firm. It was our usual protocol not to display any form of office romance. We did not want any attention that an office romance would get to take the light off all the hard work we had done over the last three years, plus I am not sure if you could call what we had an office romance anyway.

I was lost in my thoughts as to what to call the odd sex pact I had going with the man at my side when Tanya's assistant, Kelly, advised us that Tanya was waiting. I looked over quickly to Riley and our eyes locked for just one second. It was all the time that was needed to comfort each other with the assurance that no matter what, we would be ok.

We walked in with Mike and Tyler ahead of us while Riley rounded out our motley group. Tanya was looking out the window of her office as if she was in deep thought.

Tanya was tall like a model. She had long strawberry blonde curls that were always swept up into a bun. Her face was lovely and very feminine with big ice blue eyes. She was wearing trousers and a black blouse that appeared to be tailor made. She was stunning and she was completely my idol.

Tanya came from a rougher side of Seattle. She had worked hard in high school for a scholarship since she saw education as her only way out of the docks that both her parents worked at. She graduated both from college and law school with honors. She sacrificed, worked hard and now was the face of women attorneys in the Seattle area. Riley liked to tease me that I had girl crush on her, hell maybe I did.

Tanya turned and looked at us as a big smile filled out her face. She looked happy to see us and that was a good sign.

"Hello my darlings!" she said with a smile as she held out her arms to us. She wanted a hug. Tanya was a hugger.

After we all greeted her properly Tanya called Kelly in for coffee as we got started. I could see something was a little off, but I tried not to worry as I sat down on her couch, in between Mike and Tyler.

"Well, I have called you back for a reason and since I am not one to beat around the bush, here it is. There will be changes coming out soon. I need my best and the brightest here so I am calling all of you back for the time being," she said as I felt my heart drop to my feet.

Tanya looked at me and my face must have given me away as she gave me an apologetic smile.

"I'm not saying that staying in Seattle is permanent, but I need you here for right now and I do promise to make it worth your while," she said with a smile as I tried to place a happy smile on my face. I glanced over at Riley and I could see the same miserable look on his as well. There would be no escaping Seattle for us now.

**AN:**

**Hello All! Thanks for reading! I want to send a special thanks to IcarustoSun for being the most awesome beta around! Truly, without her you my words don't make sense! I also want to thank Twifanfreak since she has taken her time to start a threat for Perhaps Not to Be on the Twilighted forum. I promise to pop in there (which I have been) and post teasers. It also a great place to bash in Edward since there seems to be a lot hate for him at this point. The link is:**

www . twilighted . net/forum/viewtopic . php?f=44&t=12872&p=1147014#p1147014

**So if you want to talk come join me there! I am not a big fan of pimping myself too much, but I want you to know that I started a new story as well. It is called Under the Blood Red Sky. It is a sequel to a fanfic story that another author wrote. The original fanfic story left me wanting more. It left me with a need to right some wrongs that happened to Bella. Come check it if you are interested. **

**I also want to thank everyone who gave me a rec of a story to read. I have added all the stories to my favorite list so thanks for giving me something more to read! I want to rec a few stories now that are holding my heart.**

**New Habits: Bad Habit Book Two by Amery Marie**

**.net/s/5893248/1/**

**I loved this Edward! I have since the first story. Go check it out if you love a bad Edward trying who is now making an effort to be good!**

**Blind Intention by SammieLynnsMom**

**.net/s/6338168/1/**

**This is a family fic with a lot of angst and kind of clueless Edward. It is an interesting read since you are reading as he is finding out for the first time how the people around really are. This story has the worst Esme ever! It also has a very strong Bella who has placed her life on hold for her child. Go check it out!**

**What are all of you reading now?**

**Take care,**

**Mamasutra**


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

EPOV

I do not know how long I sat in my car while parked in Grand Hyatt parking ramp. It seemed like only a few minutes, but in all reality it could have been hours. I sat there lost in my thoughts of Bella.

It wasn't always like this with her. It wasn't always cold looks and hate filled gazes. Once upon a time the girl would smile only for me. Once upon a time she only had eyes for me. I remembered how she would make me feel special as if I was the only one for her. It was never like that with Jess, with Jess I always knew that she had more than me. I knew that for her the sun did not rise and set on me like it did with Bella. I knew that Jess would be fine without me, but Bella needed me as much as I needed her and I guess that was what was so shocking about her leaving me the way she did.

I wasn't stupid and neither was Bella. I knew that she could possibly grow tired of waiting for me; I had just hoped that she wouldn't. I wasn't so shocked that she left me; I was shocked that she left me with nothing. I was not given the chance to say good bye or even try to reason with her. I came back from my honeymoon and she was just gone.

I remember how people would stop me in the office to ask where Bella was since everyone knew that we were close; of course they no idea how close we really were. It would kill me each time to stand there with a fake smile on my face, telling them I had no idea. It made me look like a damn fool each time since what type of best friend doesn't know where the other is anymore?

I remember going to her apartment, the one that she lived in, where I would stay with her all the time and discovering that she had moved out. The landlord had no idea where she went, or so he said, but I knew better. Bella probably paid him not to tell me.

I, then, went to what was to be our new place together and discovered that it was empty too. Bella had never moved in so I had no idea where she was. I tracked down the landlord there, but the conversation did not go so well.

_I pounded on the door of the apartment until I finally heard movement inside. It has been four days since I had come home and I still hadn't found Bella. She was out there, but I had no idea where. I finally resorted to talking to who should have been her landlord at the penthouse suite apartment she got for us._

_ "Yes?" a woman asked with a thick Russian accent as she opened the door. The woman was tall, beautiful for being a bit older, with long dark hair and dark brown eyes that seemed flat compared to Bella's._

_ "Yes, I'm looking for Bella Swan. She rented apartment p1," I said, trying to keep the frantic sound out of my voice, but who was I kidding. I was frantic. I missed Bella. I needed to see her._

_ "I remember you," the woman said as she took a deep drag off her cigarette as she looked me over cautiously. I looked at her dumbfounded until I remembered that I had gone with Bella to look at the place before she signed the lease._

_ "Good, then you know that I am Bella's…" I said as I stuttered. I was going to say boyfriend, even if it wasn't true it sounded better than saying lover or whatever else lame term I could come up with._

_ "Isabella said you'd come," the woman said as she continued to look me over. Bella said I would come here? She knew I would I look for her, this explained why she was so well hidden. She knew I would look. She knew me better than anyone else._

_ "Where is Bella? I need to see her," I replied back with an edge to my voice that sounded a lot like fear even to me. I stood there waiting for the woman to respond, but she only laughed at me, as if my problems were laughable._

_ "You, you don't need to see her and she doesn't live here anyway," she said as the laughter still rang out in her voice._

_ "I let her out of her lease after she told me about you," the woman said with disgust in her voice as she looked at me as if I was made of trash._

_ "I once had a man like you. He took and took until there was nothing left of me to take," the woman said as she sneered at me in disgust as I stepped back away._

_ "Get out of here! Go back to where it is that you came from and leave the girl alone!" she yelled and then broke into some sort of eastern soviet bloc language that surprised me as she slammed the door shut in my face. _

_ I was stunned. Is that how Bella viewed me? Did she think that all I did was take from her? I left there unsure of what to do next. The only thing I knew for sure was that I had to find Bella and convince her that I was all she needed._

I sat there for another moment as my brain warred against my heart. My brain knew that it was dangerous as well as stupid to try to find Bella in this hotel. It has been three years and she had moved on, even though I was still stuck in the past, but my heart told me something else. My heart told me that this was my chance. This was my chance to find Bella and make her see that she needed me as much as I needed her.

I found myself walking inside the lobby of the hotel. I did not stop until I was standing before a young girl at the welcoming counter of the Grand Hyatt. The girl looked me over with the flirtiest smile and I knew that the room number was mine since girls like her were all the same. Girls like her wanted attention. They wanted to know that they were beautiful and wonderful. Their insecurities always hurt them. They were ones that you could convince to have sex with you while your roommate was in the same room pretending to be asleep. They were the ones that always wanted a call back, but never got one.

"Hello, pretty girl, I was wondering if you could help me?" I asked her in a teasing voice as I looked into her dull brown eyes. The girl, Polly, as her name tag read, smiled widely at me and stepped closer to me.

I told her how I was looking to surprise my girlfriend who was staying here, however I did not know her room number. I asked her in the best alluring voice that I could muster for Bella's room number and Polly did not let me down.

"Well, I'm not supposed to give this out, but I would hate for you to have to wait for her, well, unless you would like to wait for her. I could keep you company and I am _very _good company," she purred to me with what I am guessing she believed to be a sexy smile as she looked directly down at the crotch of my pants in a blatant manner that almost made me shudder in fear.

"I appreciate the offer Polly, but I really need to see my girlfriend. She's it for me," I responded and in a way that was true. Bella Swan was it for me. I had never found another woman as sexy or one that I desired as much as her. There was no one out there that had ever held my attention like her.

"Fine, here's her room number, but if anyone asks, you didn't get it from me," she said with a silly looking pout. I thanked her nicely and walked off happily as I went to the elevators.

It was easy to find Bella's room; the hard part was what to do when I got there. I stood in front of her room door and waited for inspiration to strike me as to what to say to the woman. What do you say? I had no idea where to start with her, I only knew that I had to hear why she left the way she did and I needed her to know that I had missed her.

I had just raised my hand to knock on the door when I heard noises. I could hear sounds coming from inside. They weren't loud sounds, but they were sounds all the same.

Bella was in there was someone. Riley Biers. She was in there with Riley Biers, fucking Riley Biers most likely. I was stunned. I knew that on my logical brain that there was no reason for Bella to wait three years for me, but somehow my ego, pride or something else was burning from the inside out as I stood there and could hear the muffled sounds that I believed sounded like sex. I was motionless, standing there unsure if I should walk away, or break the damn door down and drag Bella away from him until I heard the higher pitched female sounding muffled sound that could only be Bella's voice. I was sure I had heard her say _Oh God Riley_. My stomach lurched as if I was going to vomit tonight's dinner on the ground in front of her door as I stood there as I instantly felt sick from it all.

Three fucking years and here I was reduced to this! Three fucking years and she was on the other side of the door fucking some guy she had claimed was only her friend! Three fucking years and here we all were!

My anger was burning out of control as I stood there. I found myself fighting not to pound on the door to demand to see her. I wanted to demand answers now. I wanted to know if I had been her only when we were together. I needed to know that it was only me. I knew that I was being unreasonable, but fuck, I didn't care. I needed to know.

I walked away from the door just to avoid breaking it down. I knew she was in there. I knew he was with her. I knew it! Three fucking years and it still hurt like it was yesterday that she walked away from me.

I paced in the hall as I willed myself to calm down while praying that no one was calling the cops on the obviously crazed man in the hall way. I thought of Bella, _my _Bella as she was three years ago.

I thought of how she would greet me with the sweetest kisses. I thought of how she always knew when I needed her. She was attuned to me as if she already knew what I needed and when to give it to me. Jess was never like that. I used to think it was because she lived away from me, but now, three years later I know it was because she never really cared. She never cared about me like how Bella did.

My mind wandered back to a time before my marriage when I had Bella all to myself and how she took care of me. She had come to my apartment that afternoon to find me clinging to the toilet as I fought off the stomach flu. I remember the look of worry in her eyes as she found me there and then telling me how I should have called her since she would have been there sooner. She helped me to bed and then stayed with me all night, holding me and making sure I was fine until I finally felt better. It was a sweet memory of mine that I would go to every time I was sick. I would always think back to that time when I had someone who cared about me since I was sure that Jess didn't.

Jess. There was another fucking mistake right there. I was no way ready to have a child no matter what she thought. I had never wanted children with her. I had been honest with her about that from the beginning, but I guess that didn't matter at all.

I continued to pace until my mind went back to Bella. I felt my anger rising again as I thought of her in there with that fool, Riley Biers. He didn't deserve her, he never did. He deserved anything, but her.

I was still standing there when the door to her suite finally came open. I found my heart in my mouth as I watched Bella slowly step out. She had on a baggy t-shirt and boxers that made me cringe since I knew they had to be Riley's. Her hair was messy as if she had been fucked hard across the hotel mattress by the asshole and her face was just glowing like it always did after sex. It made me sick. It made me sick to think of his hands on her, or him inside of her. It made me physically ill to think of them having sex since she was mine. She always would be mine, no matter how much time had passed between us. It was this thought that sent me over the edge as I approached her slowly, unsure of how she would react.

I watched with delight as her eyes went from fear to anger. I used to love it when she was angry since her beautiful brown eyes would glow gold with her anger. She was so beautiful and still was as she stood there scowling at me as if I had ruined her night, not caring that maybe she had ruined mine as well.

"You and I need to talk," I finally managed to stutter as anger took over me once more as my mind flashed an image of her underneath Riley, being fucked hard as she moaned.

"You and I have nothing to talk about," she replied with an irritated tone, but I could see how uncomfortable she was with me standing there in front of her.

"Oh, sweetheart, we have lots to talk about," I nearly growled as I stepped closer. I was going to force her to talk. I would take her down stairs to their lounge area and we would talk. She was going to tell me why and I was not about to take no for an answer.

"I have said everything I needed to say to you," she growled back at me as I watched her beautiful face turn a lovely shade of red for me.

"Really? Everything?" I countered back, knowing that I was being a smartass and knowing how much she hated it when I was a smart ass.

"Yes, I think good bye summed it up for me," Bella replied with a sweet smile that made my blood boil. It was all it took to cause me to lose my temper.

"If you think for one moment that you can..." I found myself yelling, but then stopping midsentence as I watched Riley emerge from behind her. He was standing there in his boxers that were obviously inside out and his hair standing up in points from Bella's hands. I felt my anger multiply since it was one thing to think they were having sex, but a complete other to know that what I heard on the other side of the door were indeed sex sounds.

He asked her some question, basically wanting to know if she was alright, but I didn't care. All I could see was red knowing that he had fucked her. All I could hear was the murmured sounds of Bella that I had heard through the door. She had fucked him and I was pissed.

"I cannot believe you!" I practically yelled at her as I watched Bella flinch away from me. My anger was going full force as I stepped closer to her and this movement only caused the asshole Biers to step and pull Bella back towards him, as if I would hurt her. I would never hurt her, not like that.

"Were you fucking him while we were together?" I asked her as anger and acid seeped into my voice while I fought off the need to puke at the thought of it.

"Were you?" I demanded as I watched Bella cower a little at my words before squaring her shoulders. I knew she was about to answer when the asshole cut her off once more.

"If you touch her, I assure you, it will be the last thing that you do. I have seen your bruises on her before and I won't let that happen again," he said with a quiet voice, but it was clear that he meant it. It was a threat, but I didn't care. I was too lost in what he was saying. What bruises? I had never laid a hand on Bella, never, not once. I had never hit a woman, or shoved or pushed or anything else along those lines. I was dumbfounded by his accusation as I looked at Bella who was dismissing me as she stepped back into her room with Biers' arm around her waist until I was left alone in the hallway once more. Once more she left me for him and it hurt even worse now, knowing that he was with her, comforting her.

I stood there for a couple of minutes, willing her to come back to me, but it was useless. She wasn't coming back so I left. As I left my mind was a muddled mess. All I could think about was Bella. It was always about Bella.

I finally made it back to my car, though I wasn't sure how. All I did know was that I needed answers, and I was prepared to do something dangerous to get them. I was going to see Rosalie. She would tell me what I needed to know or I would die at her hands trying to get the information.

I drove off and tried to think about anything, but Bella in the room with Riley. Was he making love to her right now to calm her? I had always done that when she was upset. I would make love to her slowly and watch as she blossomed just for me to take the worry out of her eyes. Fuck, I missed her.

After a few moments of driving I pulled into Emmett and Rosalie's drive. I could see the light on in the living room, telling me that at least someone was up as I walked towards the door.

Rosalie hated me. She had ever since she had found out about Bella and me. She was one of the few people who knew what had happened between Bella and me. She was the one who called me out on my behavior once Bella was gone. She had told me what a horrible person I was and that I would die alone. I often wondered if she was right with her prediction concerning my death since I had been alone a lot since Bella left me.

I knocked on the door and then watched as a shadow fell across the small window in the door telling me that someone was on the other side. I glanced at my watch and discovered that it was almost midnight. The door slowly opened to reveal my brother, Emmett standing there in his superman boxers and a t-shirt with a dumb look on his face as he stared at me.

"Jesus, Edward, you look like shit!" he whispered looking me over as I stood there on the step, waiting for him to let me in.

"Thanks, are you going to let me in?" I asked him as I waited there while irritation set in over me once more.

"I don't know man. Rose is going to be pissed," he muttered as he turned to look over his shoulder as if his dragon of a wife was already standing there, waiting for him.

"This will only take a moment, I promise," I said in a tired voice as I stood there. I waited as Emmett looked me over again. I knew that he could see me as the tired, somewhat defeated man that I was that night. Slowly, he opened his door wider and stepped back to let me in, all the while muttering about how if we wake up Rose she was going to kill him and then me. I shook my head at his words, not really caring what Rose would do.

I walked into his house and smiled as I smelled the scent of baking bread. Bella used to bake bread to go with whatever soup or stew she had made that night. Her parents may not have been able to pay for her college or law school, they did however make sure that she had plenty to eat while paying her rent and utilities. She would make all sorts of stews and soups since she said she could make her food money stretch further with it and then she would dress it up with homemade bread. She was an amazing cook and that was another thing that I missed dearly in the last three years apart.

"Ok, man, what's going on? Why are you here?" Emmett asked as he motioned for me to sit down on the chair across from him.

"Why am I here? Do you really need to ask me that after tonight?" I asked him as I gave him a surprised look while running my hands through my hair. Emmett knew about Bella.

"Fine, ok. So Bella was there, what else?" he asked me as he looked over my rumpled appearance.

"Why aren't you at home with Jess?" he asked me as he grabbed his can of soda off the coffee table and took a drink.

"I was at home with Jess, but then she told me that she wants a baby," I said as I watched Emmett sputter and choke just as I had.

"A baby?" he responded in the same tone of disbelief that I had earlier tonight. It made me laugh as I nodded my head at him.

"I guess she's been off the pill for a month and is just now bothering to tell me. I am so fucked," I said as I leaned back in the chair, letting the reality of the situation sink in.

"Don't have sex with her man," Em said with a sad shake of his head.

"Yeah, well, I already did so let's hope nothing took," I muttered as I listened to him choke once more before he agreed with me.

"Edward, man, leave her. You know she's a bitch," Emmett said with a sad sigh as he looked at me with such sad eyes. He had always hated Jess. He had thought that she was using me for our family name, which was ridiculous since Jess came from money as well.

Once that information was out in the open the room went silent once more. I could feel Emmett's eyes on me, waiting for me to speak once more, but I remained silent. I didn't know what to say now without it looking like I was some crazed dickhead about two steps away from getting a restraining order from my ex.

"Spit it out Edward. I know you aren't here at midnight to discuss your wife, so what's going on?" he asked me as he stood up and waved the can of soda at me, silently asking me if I wanted one. I nodded yes and then watched him leave to grab our drinks.

"Em, I gotta know," I finally whispered to him as I gave him a pleading look. He was my brother; he would have to understand my need to know about Bella.

"You gotta know what?" he asked back as he handed me the can of soda.

"Bella," I finally muttered almost under my breath as I watched him roll his eyes at me.

"What about her?" he asked me in a tense voice that he always had whenever I asked him about Bella. He was protective of her, he always had been and that is why when I told him that I had been fucking Bella for two years behind Jess's back he lost his mind.

I remember that night I showed up at his doorstep. It was similar to this one, except instead of just showing up desperate for any information about Bella, I was also drunk. I had spent the afternoon drinking after speaking to the woman who was supposed to be Bella's landlord. I had been trying to drown the idea that I was just taking from Bella, that I was giving her nothing. I could not believe that to be true. I could not go home since it was the last place I wanted to be and the last person I wanted to see was there waiting for me. The only person I wanted was Bella and she was gone.

I remember showing up at their house after the cab dropped me off. I barely remember walking in and Emmett sitting me down on their couch. I kind of remember Rosalie showing up in the room.

_"Em, you have to help me find her," I slurred as I grasped his t-shirt while he sat me down._

_ "Find who?" he asked me as he pulled my hands off him. I felt myself fall back in to the couch that was below me._

_ "Bella. I need Bella," I slurred again as my head rolled back against the back of the couch._

_ "I'm calling Jess to come and get you," I could hear Emmett say with frustration in his voice. The mention of calling Jess sent me back into a panic._

_ "No! No calling Jess!" I demanded as I scrambled to get up, but my body was not working with me since I found myself almost on the floor._

_ "What is going on? Why do you need Bella?" he asked me in a soothing voice that even in my drunken state I knew was a lie. He was just trying to get information from me._

_ "She left. She left and didn't tell me. She left me," I stuttered out and then felt a sharp pain to the back of my head as something hard came in contact with my skull._

_ "Asshole! Get him out of here!" I heard Rosalie bellow in anger as I fell forward on the couch once more. I turned just enough to see Rosalie standing above me with her blue eyes blazing with hate as her blonde hair fell into her lovely face, blocking it from me a little bit. I could see a book in her hands that must have been what she hit me with. It fucking hurt._

_ "What the hell is going on here?" Emmett demanded as he pulled Rosalie off me enough so I could move once more. I watched as she settled in his arms and then turned to look at me with an evil smirk. _

_ "Tell him Edward. Tell him what's been going on," she said to me with an evil smile since she knew what would happen. _

_ Emmett loved Bella like a sister. He protected her from guys like me that would use her, take advantage of her good nature. He had always assumed that I was doing the same thing for Bella, protecting her, cherishing her, but that was all a lie. I had done nothing, but corrupt her, fuck her, use her, and now she had the last laugh by tossing me to the wayside. Emmett was going to kill me and Rosalie knew it._

_ "I have been with Bella," I whispered in a slur as I braced myself for Emmett's wrath._

_ "What are you talking about?" he asked me as he looked at me with confusion in his eyes. What part of 'been with' did he not understand?_

_ "I have been fucking Bella for two years now, and I think she left me. She left me," I stuttered out, but before I could finish my sentence I felt Emmett's fist connect with my jaw as he punched me. The punch sent me flying into the coffee table where I landed, shattering the glass top. The shattered glass cut my forehead along the hair line. _

_ We spent the rest of the night in the emergency room waiting to have my forehead stitched up. I told him about my time with Bella while a doctor put twenty-two stitches in my head to close up the cut I had gotten from the coffee table, but there was no closing the gaping hole in my relationship with my brother that night. _

_ When we finally walked out of the hospital he just dropped me off at my house where Jess was asleep without another word. It would be six months before he would speak to me again after that night._

"I need to know…" I started to say, but Emmett cut me off.

"You don't need to know anything about her," he said with a tight voice that showed his anger towards me. He was trying to keep his emotions in check, but I could tell that I was pushing him.

"Yes, I do. I think about her all the time. I need to know…" I stammered with uncertainty. I hated having to admit to Emmett or anyone about this weakness and yes, Bella Swan, was my weakness.

She always had been. I would never have started an affair with anyone, except Bella since there was no one that I wanted like I wanted her. I had tried for four years to avoid doing something like that, but with one kiss all my resolve was gone. One kiss and I knew I had had to have her. I knew that I needed her like I needed the air that I breathed. It was a fire in my soul that she had personally had started and it consumed me, just as I wanted to consume her.

"Edward, fuck off. I'm not telling you anything," Em said with a roll of his eyes and then looked away. I knew that I had him when he looked away. He was the only one that knew how badly I missed her. He would comment on it from time to time when Jess would make a comment that I just wasn't myself. He would say that I hadn't been myself for three years now, which would always make Jess turn and look at me oddly. I wonder if she ever guessed that it was Bella that I missed so terribly. If she did she never mentioned it.

"I'm not asking about her life now, I just need to know that if when she was, you know, with me was she with that asshole Riley Biers too?" I asked him, hoping like hell that if I changed my approach to discussing the past that he would tell me about Bella and _him_.

"Jesus, Edward. Really? This is what you want to know about?" Emmett asked me as a rubbed his hand over his face in frustration before he let out a loud sigh. I watched as he looked at me with a skeptical look and then took a drink of his soda before talking once more.

"Ok, fine. You want to know. I will tell you," he finally huffed out as he leaned forward towards me with a sad look. I sat there waiting to have my heart ripped out while Emmett took a deep breath to begin speaking.

"No, Bella and Riley didn't hook up until about a year after she left here. There? Does that make you feel better?" he asked me with a tired sigh, but I could hear the sarcasm in his voice and then I listened to him mutter about what an asshole I was to think that Bella would be like that at all.

"Only you were fucking around on someone," he said with an edge to his voice that took me by surprise. He never liked Jess. He had told me so many times over.

I felt an instant rush of relief as soon as he said that Bella was only with me while with me. I knew that it was stupid, but I just felt better knowing that it was only me three years ago even if I could not say the same to her.

"You know I never liked Jessica," he started to say with a sigh as he looked over at me with a tired look that surprised me.

"I always thought and continue to think that Jess was only out for one thing and that was our money, but cheating on her was an asshole thing to do," Emmett said with a scowl as he looked at me funny as if he wanted to say more than what he already had.

"What is it? Just say it," I said to him as I motioned for him to continue. There were no secrets between Emmett and me so he might as well say what he needed to say.

"Have there been others?" he asked me in almost a whisper and then cringed as if he was bracing for impact from my words.

"What do you mean?" I asked him unsure of what he was asking me.

"Women. Have there been other women since Bella?" he asked and then braced for impact once more.

Other women since Bella, well that was laughable. There has been no one since Bella. No one held my attention like Bella so how could there be another?

"No. There was only Bella and you know she ended us when I got married," I replied back as I looked away from him. He didn't need to see me upset by it.

"Sorry. I had to ask, man," he replied with a shrug and then looked away from me. We remained silent for a moment as if there was nothing more to say.

"She hooked up with him a year after they moved to California. I think it started because they both were horny and there wasn't time for relationships with working the way they do," I heard Emmett say with a deep sigh as I turned to look at him in disbelief.

"Their relationship has blossomed a bit since they started this, but neither one of them claim that it's a relationship at all. They both talk about their time together as if they are fuck buddies or something, but I don't know about that," he said as he looked off towards the picture of Bella and Reily on the beach with Rosalie from their last trip to California. She looked so happy wrapped around him as they sat on the beach together like lovers, not friends.

"You would have to see them together to know there has to be something more than just sex, you know?" Emmett said as he nodded his head at me, as if he was willing me to understand him.

"I know from Rose that she still thinks about you. I don't know if that is good or bad. I don't know if she loves him like she loved you. Hell, I have no idea if she still loves you or not, but if I was a betting man I would probably say not with the way you handled things with her," he said as he looked at me while I sat there with my mouth gaping open like a fish out of water.

Bella still thinks of me. My mind was racing. She still thinks of me.

"Why are you telling me this?' I stuttered out in a whisper as if his words hurt me and yes, they did hurt me.

"I'm telling you this so you know and because I know you still love her, even though you fucked things up royally with her," he said and looked at me with a knowing look. It was as if he was daring me to deny it.

"I never loved her," I whispered as my chest hurt with the words he said.

"Yeah, I know that you said that, but after everything that has happened. I don't believe you," he said as he looked at me funny. We sat there silent after that until I excused myself to leave.

Emmett asked me if I wanted to stay, but I declined since the last person outside of Bella that I wanted to deal with now was Rosalie. I thanked him for his offer and then headed off.

I drove back into the city to an old apartment building that held all my best memories. I parked my car in the lot and took out my key to let myself in. I hadn't been here in a while; however, it was ready for me, filled with furniture and memories of time when I was happy. I unlocked the door and walked into the silence. I barely flicked on the lights as I took off my coat and then walked into the bedroom to collapse on the bed.

I smiled at the idea that Jess knew nothing of this place. She had never been here. This was _our_ place. It was our place where we didn't have to hide who we were or how we felt about each other.

It was my hide away from the world, just like it used to be. I stripped down to my boxers as I entered the bedroom and then slipped under the covers as I hoped to dream of happier times; of when I was greeted with kisses, not hate filled gazes.

**AN:**

**Thank you for reading!**

**A special thanks goes out to Icarustosun! You are amazing and without you the story would fall flat on its cyber face, but most of all thanks for being my friend! You are amazing & feel better soon!**

**Rec time! Let's see… The story that has my panties in a twist at the moment is **

**Blind Intentions by Sammielynnsmom id # 6338168. This is an AH story where Edward & Bella's son is taken from them and how the blinders are finally taken off of Edward as to who the people really are that surround him in his life. It is good!**

**I am also currently in love with Bring on the Wonder by Bronzehyperion. Great story line that I do not believe I have ever really seen done where Edward is in seminary school and Bella is a prostitute. Interesting is not a strong enough statement about this story. It is just good! Its id # is 624746. If you happen to read & like them by sure & let both writers know that I rec'd ya!**

**What are you reading now?**

**Next up is BPOV!**

**Hugs to you all!**

**Mamasutra**

**xxoo**


	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

BPOV

Tanya wouldn't tell us more about why she needed us here in Seattle other than she needed us here and not to worry since everything would work out in our favor. I could see the worry on my boys' faces, especially Mike and Riley's handsome face, but I had faith in her. Tanya would never lead us astray, nor would she purposely hurt us.

It was Tanya who had led us out of Seattle to the land of sun in California. She had given us opportunities we had been lacking at the great Cullen law firm, opportunities that we would have never been granted there. She trusted us with her business and in return we had trusted her with our lives. She had never let us down before and I had to believe she would not start now.

The rest of the meeting was spent getting us acquainted with her Seattle office. Tanya quickly had us established within offices that we would be forced to share for the time being since no other ones were open. Normally, if we had to share a space in the office I share with Mike, however this time he opted to share with Tyler. It was nice to see the look of surprise on Tyler's face as Mike insisted that he be with Tyler. I looked over at Riley, who was rolling his eyes at their somewhat public declaration since we knew we would not hear the end of it from Mike now.

Tanya's assistant Kelly showed us to our office and then left us alone to our own devices. We stood there looking at each other for a moment, unsure how to proceed from there since it had been a few years since we last shared a space like this.

"Well, roomie, do you want this desk or that one?" Riley asked as he motioned between the two desks in the room. I looked over the desk since he was allowing me first choice. They sat facing each other and there really was no difference between the two so it didn't matter which one I chose. The desks were really the least of my problems concerning being here in Seattle.

"Hey," he whispered to me. I looked over at my friend to find his most beautiful blue green eyes shining at me with some emotion that I could not identify and then suddenly it was gone, replaced with amused concern.

"It will be ok," he whispered soothingly to me as I felt his pinky link with mine as if we were junior high sweethearts. It melted my heart a little.

"Really?" I found myself asking him, unsure of what to think about my life for the first time in three years now.

"Absolutely. Things are different now, Bella. _You_ are different now and so is the situation," he said as he held my gaze with his while his finger firmly gripped mine as if he was willing me to relax.

I knew he was right, but I was scared about being back in this town. Maybe it was because this city had seen me at my worst. Maybe it was because I had already seen Edward and he was now demanding something from me, as if I owed him anything.

I took a deep breath and nodded at Riley. He was right. Everything would be fine if I willed it to be fine. I controlled my destiny. I was not at the mercy of a fickle twenty-four year old man child any more. My life was my own doing now.

After my internal pep talk Riley and I set up shop in the cramped office that we were given. We both still had cases pending in California so we would have to go back and forth for a while until those cases were wrapped up. We each were making our plans as to how to complete this when Kelly came back in with a list of possible rental units that she had created for us since our time in Seattle would be long term.

My eyes locked with Riley's for a brief moment. I could see the disappointment flash in his eyes since I knew that he didn't want to be here either, but we both were resigned to the fact that this is where we would be for awhile no matter how we felt about it. We would just have to make it work.

We worked through-out the day, pausing only to look up and thank Kelly for the sub sandwiches that she provided for us along with the chips and soda. Occasionally I would glance over at Riley. I loved to watch him at work. He would get so lost in thought and there was such a little boy look to him as he read that it made my heart squeeze in delight to see him like that. Sometimes I would look over to find him looking at me, which would cause me to smile at him while he laughed softly at me.

We worked well into the evening until we looked up to find Garrett Irwin standing there in our door-way with a smile on his face as he insisted that we get out of the office for the night.

"The work will be here tomorrow," he called to us as he walked away leaving us to collect our things to leave.

We walked out into a deserted office. It was eerily quiet since everyone had already left us behind, which was typical. Riley had received a text from Mike telling us where they were waiting for us. We noticed that Tanya was still here- , which was not surprising to either of us. We walked closer to her office to wish her a good night when we heard her talking.

"No. You listen to me. You want it and that is fine since I'm ready, but don't think for one moment that you get to call all the shots here!" she yelled into the phone, surprising us both since I cannot think of a time that I had ever heard Tanya raise her voice at anyone.

"I told you what my demands were!" She said as anger colored her tone. We watched her roll her eyes from her door way at whomever it was she was speaking with on the phone. We stood there transfixed until she noticed.

Tanya's face flushed in surprise as she looked at us standing there, dumbfounded by her conversation that we had overheard. She smiled sweetly at us before waving us off as if nothing had happened.

We remained silent as we walked briskly towards the exit. I could feel my own anger bubbling to the surface so I knew that Riley had to be at his breaking point as well.

"What the hell was that all about?" he nearly yelled as soon as we were far enough away from the building. We stopped on the sidewalk to turn to look at each other, letting the rain soak in on us as we stood there.

"I have no idea," I responded, just as clueless as he was. I felt his indignation wash over me, making me nervous.

"I swear to God if that woman screws us over…" Riley started to say as he lost his temper, beginning his rant. I stepped in front of him and looked up at his face as it was contorted in anger. He stopped talking and looked down at me from his height. I could see all the fear and anger and worry in his beautiful eyes as we stood there looking at each other wordlessly.

I wished like hell I could tell him that there was nothing to be worried about, but I would be lying to him if I did. We both knew the truth and the truth was not comforting at all.

Tanya could sell out her firm and we would be forced to either go with the new owners or strike it out on our own. If we stayed with the new owners we would have to work like dogs for who knows how long to prove ourselves worthy once more and even then it did not mean that we would ever make partner. It was the same story if we went out on our own, except we would be owners without a large paycheck since we would not have established clients. Either way we were so fucked.

I reached up and gently pulled his face down to mine so that our foreheads were touching.

"It will be ok," I whispered as I looked into his eyes, willing him to remain calm and believe me, even if I did not believe my own words. I pressed my lips to his in a soft kiss to silence him before he started his rant once more. I felt his body tense for a moment and then finally, slowly he started to relax next to me. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me closer so there was no space between us.

Riley broke our kiss and pulled back far enough just so his forehead was resting against mine once more.

"You're a liar," he whispered to me as he looked into my eyes with fear still lacing his gaze.

"Yes," was all I could say as I moved just enough to kiss him once more. We remained kissing softly on the side walk until the skies opened up more and the rain started to fall harder on us, reminding us that we were in Seattle in late November, not our beloved California.

Riley pulled us back to a covered awning as we waited for a cab. While we stood there our survival mode kicked in a little. We knew we needed a plan. There had been a plan in place when we left here and now another plan was needed if Tanya was selling off her firm.

My phone went off just as the cab pulled up to take us back to the hotel. It was Mike reminding us of our dinner plans with him and Tyler. I wanted to decline the invitation and instead spend the night wrapped up with Riley making plans in between having sex, but I couldn't do that to them. Mike and Tyler needed to know what was possibly going on as well, so with a heavy heart I told them we would meet them soon.

Once I got in, Riley told the cab driver the name of the restaurant that we would be going to instead of the hotel, like I had thought we were going first.

"If we go back to the hotel, we won't leave," he said in a matter of fact voice. It was the truth, but it would have been nice to have been consulted since anytime he did that it gave me a bitter flash-back of Edward.

Edward. What the hell was he doing outside of my hotel room? Who gave him my room number? I reminded myself to make a complaint with the staff once we returned to the hotel.

I never understood Edward. He was always making demands and I could see that even three years later that had not changed for him. I blamed it on his family. He was the baby who was coddled by his mom and protected by his brother. I was once told by Emmett that Edward was crowned the prince of the Cullen family because he almost died as a baby due to a respiratory illness. I was told this was why he was such a spoiled person, but I thought that it was just a pile of shit. The truth is that no one ever told him no, well, until I did and remembering that I was the first to tell him that made me smile at times.

It was probably this reason that made him so focused on me. I knew he wanted answers as to why I left him the way I did, but really could he not see why? I knew that he would not leave me alone. I knew that he would pursue me and because I was so weak when it came to him I knew that I would not tell him no face to face. I knew that I would look into his brilliant green eyes and I would fall all over again. I knew all of this so I had to leave if I wanted to preserve my sanity as well as save my soul.

It wasn't that I wanted to leave him. I didn't. I wanted him with me so bad that I ached for him on the nights that he was not with me. I wanted him always, so leaving him just about killed me, but I simply couldn't be his mistress, his whore. I wanted more for myself as well as for him. I wanted more than stolen moments and secret meetings. I wanted him. All of him and he was not willing to give me that, so I left.

My mind went back in time as I listened to Riley on the phone talking with Sandy, his assistant back home concerning a case. I went back in time to right after Edward's graduation party. I remember feeling so devastated that he was still marrying her. He had lied to me. He had told me that he was ending it with her and then to find out that the wedding was still on in the middle of a party was too much to take. I knew I needed out. I needed to be away from him, right then and there. I was not about to waste my life as the other woman in a broken relationship and that was what I was headed for by staying.

I remember making plans with Riley and Mike, while Tyler sat back listening, only interjecting something if he thought it was needed. They all agreed that knowing Edward, I needed to disappear. I canceled my lease and arranged to move in with Mike while Edward was gone on his honeymoon. I contacted the place that I was to move into to start my life with Edward, which now had only become a joke, and canceled my lease. The woman was not going to let me out of it, but then changed her mind as I explained why I was canceling.

I canceled my email account. I changed my cell phone number. I changed my mailing address. I gave up the study room that I had shared with Edward at the law library since I knew that he would look for me there. I changed everything I could to make it difficult to find me since I knew he would look. Edward would look for me because he hated being told no.

The most dangerous part of my going into hiding was turning in my resignation to the law firm since I had been working at the Cullen law firm for two years by that point and the head of the human resources department was Edward's mother, Esme Cullen. I wasn't sure if she would tell him or not. I remember walking into her office two weeks before Edward's wedding to give her the news.

_"Bella! What are you doing here?" Esme Cullen exclaimed as she stood up from her desk to greet me. She was always so sweet, dressed in her office attire ,which consisted of power suites and heels, but acting like every one's mom. It was hard to imagine that she helped create Edward just by looking at her. They were so different in personality._

_ "Mrs. Cullen, I need to…" I started to say but she stopped me as she took hold of my hand and led me over to the couch in her office._

_ "Stop. How many times have I told you to call me Esme?" she asked as she looked at me with her big hazel colored eyes that seemed to have the same power to silence me as her son's did._

_ "Now, what is it that you need?" she asked as she handed me a cup filled with tea. I hated tea, but I took a sip just to calm my nerves. I knew my whole plan rested on Esme not telling Edward so I needed to work this just right._

_ "Esme, I am turning in my two week resignation," I stuttered out as I sat there watching for her reaction. Her face went white and then it went red as she started to accuse Edward Sr. of being an asshole and running me off. _

_ He hadn't run me off. It was her son, but I could not tell her I was avoiding her son, especially when she thought he was my closet friend._

_ "No, it's not Mr. Cullen. I just… I just need to focus on school. I am in my last semester and I just want to do well," I stammered to her as she watched my face closely. My words were not all lies. I was heading into my last semester of law school and I did not want a drop in my standing with the class. _

_ "Ok, dear, I understand, but I wish you would tell me the truth," she said wistfully as she looked at me with a sadness that made me want to cry._

_ "Esme, there is nothing more to tell," I stammered again as I felt her eyes on me, watching me, testing me to see if I was lying to her._

_ "Edward hasn't mentioned that you were leaving," she said softly as she waited for my reaction. I tried not to give her one, but at the mention of Edward's name I flinched. Even though I had to leave him behind, I hated it. I would miss him and that made me feel sick._

_ "He doesn't know, and please don't tell him. I don't want to take away from the joy of his wedding," I said as I tried to sound convincing to her, but I knew she could see through me and my lies._

_ "What's going on Bella?" she asked me softly, almost whispering it to me. I couldn't take it. I couldn't take lying to her. I couldn't take changing everything. I hated it and as much as I wanted to hate Edward I couldn't since that did nothing but piss me off even more. I found myself crying as I sat there, but not saying another word to Esme._

_ "What is going on with you and Edward?" she asked as she tried to hold my gaze. There was something about Esme Cullen that made you want to tell her the truth. She would have been a great court room attorney since I doubt that anyone could lie to her._

_ "There is nothing going on, I just need to leave. I just… I just…" I stammered as I stuttered out my answer to her. It was the truth in a way. There was nothing between Edward and I, except that I loved him and he did not love me in return._

_ I waited for Esme to say something, anything, but instead she just kept looking at me as if she knew everything. I felt an intense amount of fear for one moment as I wondered if Edward had told her about us. He wouldn't have done that, would he? I knew he was close with her, but he wouldn't tell her that we were sleeping together would he?_

_ I was lost in my fearful thoughts when Esme finally spoke to me._

_ "OK, I won't tell him," she said as she watched me sigh in relief while my tears continued on. She handed me a tissue as we sat there silently and I felt her take hold of my hand. It was comforting and I needed that. _

_ Once my tears had stopped Esme told me about a friend of the family that had a law firm that would be very interested in me. She gave me Tanya Denali's business card and faxed over my resume to her as I sat there in her office. Before I ever left Esme Cullen that afternoon she had arranged a new job and a new life for me while promising not to tell her son anything of our meeting. It was weeks later that I discovered that she had kept her word. Edward had no clue where I worked or how I barely existed without him._

I was jarred out of my thoughts of the past when the cab pulled over in front of the sports bar that Mike and Tyler were waiting for us at. I watched as Riley paid the cabbie and then made a mental note to myself that I would pay for the ride home.

We walked inside and were immediately greeted by a pretty blonde girl who was the hostess. I watched her look over Riley with a hungry gaze that turned my stomach. I was used to other women checking him out, but I never really liked it. I knew that he was not my boyfriend, but it still bothered me a bit as she smiled a flirtatious smile and wiggled her hips in a pronounced fashion as she led us to where Mike and Tyler sat.

"She likes you," I whispered to Riley as we walked, but he said nothing back, instead, he took hold of my hand in his and gave it a squeeze.

"Yeah, she's not my type," he whispered back as he leaned close to my ear so that his warm breath caused me to shudder a little. I rolled my eyes at his statement. She was so his type.

"She's not my type Bella," he said out loud so that the pretty hostess could hear him as he smiled at me while stopping me to look into my eyes. I could see a flash of something in his eyes and then it was gone. I felt myself blush under his knowing gaze. I could not think of the last time he had made me blush.

"You are beautiful when you blush," he said in a teasing manner to me, causing me to blush a shade deeper. I looked into his eyes once more and found myself drawn in a bit, but our private bubble was popped when I heard Mike's voice.

"About freaking time!" Mike exclaimed, breaking us out of our conversation as the hostess walked away leaving us there with a scowl on her pretty face. We turned to face Mike, who greeted us with a hug like he always did before we sat down.

Tyler had ordered for us so the table was filled with hot wings and a couple of pitchers of beer. I smiled at the display since it was just so us. It did not matter that we could afford something better now, hots wings and beer was still a staple for us. It was our brand of comfort food.

We sat down and immediately shared what we saw and heard from Tanya. Mike and Tyler were concerned as well since they knew, just as we did, if she sold before we made partner we were all fucked.

We ate and drank as we made tentative plans for the future. It was comforting to face an unknown future with these boys, they understood me and I understood them. We were a great team and by the end of the night, with our table cluttered with plates of chicken bones and empty pitchers, we had a plan in place. It wasn't a plan that we wanted, but it would work if it had to.

We had all decided that _if _Tanya was selling us out we would start our own law firm. Hell, if Tanya could do it twenty years ago then so could we.

We paid the tab and all filed out to take a cab back to the hotel. Riley kept us back separate so we had our own cab while Mike and Tyler went ahead of us.

We waited out in the cold November air for the cab that we had called. I felt Riley wrap his arms around me to hold me close in an effort to keep me warm while we both smoked, trying to take the tension away that surrounded us.

"Stay with me tonight?" he asked in a soft voice that seemed uncertain. I looked up at him and smiled before I nodded yes. Of course, I would stay with him. I did not want to encounter Edward again tonight.

The cab pulled up and we snuffed out our cigarettes to get inside to ride back to the hotel. We remained silent on the ride back, but we were connected by holding hands. It was comforting.

At the hotel we walked through the lobby slowly. I knew Riley was scanning the crowd looking for Edward, but he wasn't there. I knew he wasn't since I couldn't feel him.

The elevator ride was silent and Riley just held my hand as we stood there waiting for our floor. We both were tired and needed to rest. We walked to his room and I waited while he let me in.

"Do you want to get your clothes?" he asked me as I flopped down on his bed that was still made from last night. I shook my head no, since it was my plan to wear his clothes.

He walked over and flopped down beside me. I heard and felt him sigh as we lay there together. We were silent, but it was a comfortable silence. Finally, after a long sigh I sat up and announced that I was going to take a bath. I invited Riley to join me and he gave me a quick nod of agreement.

I got up and started the water as I slipped out of my clothes. I could feel Riley's eyes on me, causing my senses to heighten, to anticipate his touch even though my back was to him. I could hear him asking if I needed help, but there was no need I had it under control. Once the tub was starting to fill I stepped in and motioned for him to follow me. I moved forward so that he could sit behind me and I could rest against his broad chest.

I sighed as I felt his body against mine as he slipped in the tub behind me. I could hear his sigh as well. It had been a long day and this type of relaxation was just what we needed.

We sat there in silence. It was nice.

"I ordered room service," Riley said, taking me by surprise.

"Ok," I replied with a smile as I rested my head against his chest.

"It's just beer," he said as he explained himself to me needlessly. I nodded my head that I understood just as there was a knock at the door. I moved so Riley could get out and then watched with pleasure as he slipped a towel around his middle to answer the door. He came back a moment later with a bottle of beer for each of us before he slipped back in the tub with me.

We sat there talking about anything and everything that was not work. Neither one of us wanted to talk about the future of our career any more. We had talked enough about work for the night, so instead I listened to him talk about how he learned to drive in his dad's pick-up truck. I told him how when I first arrived at the university I cried every night because I missed home. This was how our conversations went when we were avoiding a topic.

Finally, the water turned cold so we were forced to get out of the tub. Riley gave me his t-shirt and a pair of boxers to sleep in, but I only slipped on the t-shirt after drying off. There was no need for more. I crawled into the bed where he greeted me with open arms and sweet kisses until we both fell asleep tangled up in each other.

The morning came with harsh lights and the sounds of Riley snoring lightly in my ear as he held me close to him. I smiled at how much of a cuddler he was at times. I always missed this when I would wake up alone. I stretched slowly and then pressed closer to Riley as he snuggled closer to me.

I saw no need to wake him yet since we had been instructed to look at rentals today so we could find a place to live since Tanya did not want to continue to pay our hotel expenses. He could sleep in for a bit before we looked at places off of Tanya's list.

I was laying there enjoying the silence of the lazy morning when it was disrupted by pounding on the door. I slipped out of Riley's embrace and then slipped on the boxers that he had set out for me last night so I could answer the door somewhat presentable.

I looked out the security peep hole and gasped in surprise as I immediately recognized the tall, blonde beauty that was on the other side of the door, pounding on it like it owed her money. I unlocked the door as quickly as I could and then threw myself in her arms as I exclaimed in delight.

"Well, well. How come I have to find out from Edward fucking Cullen that you are back in Seattle?" Rosalie Cullen asked with a tinge of anger in her voice as I pulled her into the room with a happy squeal as I hugged my cousin as if my life depended on it.

**AN:**

**Thank you for reading! It appears that this Edward has been scaring people off since it he so **_**difficult**_**. I do hope that is not the case of everyone and that you will consider sticking around to see his road to redemption, if that is possible at all.**

**I want to send a special thanks out to the best beta in the world, Icarustosun! Happy belated birthday darling! I am thankful for you every day!**

**I also wanted to thank blue022 for submitting Perhaps Not to Be to The Fictionators What's Pwning You segment. It was listed on November 18****th**** and needless to say I was shocked by this! Thank you blue022 for submitting the story it made my weekend once I realized it.**

**Take care,**

**Mamasutra**

**xxoo**


	10. Chapter 10

Disclaimer: I do not own twilight.

EPOV

Time was passing and if my life was grinding to a halt in one part, it was spinning out of control in another. My life was at a standstill at work. It was the same day in and out. There were contracts to review, people to meet with and my grandfather to avoid.

The part of my life spinning out of control concerned Bella, it always concerned Bella when it came to lack of control. I would spend my free time driving by the Denali Law Offices, trying to get a glimpse of her and sometimes I did. I would see her some nights as she left with her wool coat pulled tight against the cold rain. I could see her beautiful face stoic in concentration as if it took all her effort just to make it to her rental car to leave. I would watch and wonder what she was thinking and if by some odd chance her thoughts were of me. It pissed me off that superman Riley Biers wasn't there to walk her out. What type of a man leaves a woman to walk out to a dark, empty parking lot alone? It hurt to be this close to Bella and yet so fucking far away. Once she would get in her car to leave, I would head back to what had been her apartment that I was now calling home.

Jess finally noticed that I was not coming back about two days after I left. It was then that the phone calls started. She would call and tell me how I should be happy that she had made the decision for us concerning having children. She would tell me how our relationship was stalling and a baby would be the pick me up that we needed. She shocked me with her stupidity concerning having kids. After a few days of my avoidance she now just called to ask me when I will come home and to that I had no answer since I had no idea when or if I will come home.

Truly, I had no idea what to do or how to go about my life. I knew that I needed change and I needed it now. I realized that I was stuck in a rut the morning after my fateful run in with Bella at the hotel. It was like seeing her reminded me that I was living in black and white while she was just the burst of color that had been missing in my life.

I realized after that night that I could not go another three years without seeing her. I missed her too much. I missed her laugh and her smile. I missed being the one who held her and who would kiss her good night. I missed the warmth that I felt with her. I missed her skin and how it smelled. I missed the person I was when I was with her. I missed laughter and being happy. I missed us.

I awoke after spending the night in what had been Bella's apartment before she ran away from me, feeling alive for the first time in about three years. I had dreamed that night about times lost with Bella, where it was her and I. I actually woke up with her sweet laughter ringing in my ears and I could smell the fruity body wash that she always used. I rolled over and fully expected to find her when I opened my eyes, as if the last three years were just a nightmare, only to discover that it was all a dream. It was horrible and I felt wretched as I looked around the empty room.

I had dreamed of a life that could have been if I had been thoughtful enough or even had a backbone to end things with Jess when I had originally planned. It was a bittersweet reminder of what a huge fucking mess I had to deal with.

That day I went to work with a smile and a plan. I had planned to go back to the house that I shared with Jess and gather my things. There was no way I could stay there any longer. I didn't want children and Jessica's lack of care for what I wanted was just enough for me to want time apart, so I was moving out. I needed the space to think as to what I was going to do.

I planned to sneak out over lunch and get my clothes since I knew that Jess would be gone with her friends like always, but as I came out of my office I ran directly into Rosalie, Emmett's wife. We collided with a loud thud as she huffed in anger at me.

Once I steadied her I apologized and then stepped back to leave her, assuming that she was here to visit mom.

"Where do you think you're going? We have to talk about Em's birthday!" she asked me with a cold tone that she always took with me. Rose never got over the fact that Bella left because of me and reminded me of what a fuck up I was almost on a daily basis.

"I told you to plan whatever and I would write the check, just don't let Alice in on it, ok?" I said to her as I tried to rush her out of the way so I could go back to the house and get my things before Jess came home. If Alice got involved, the party planning would spin out of control and so would the cost.

"You don't care what I plan?" she asked me in a teasing tone, knowing that the idea of some expensive beer fest was the last thing I wanted to pay for, but I would if it meant that my brother was happy on his thirtieth birthday. I cringed a little, but then told her no, I was fine with whatever. My brother would turn thirty only once and I wanted it to be as great as possible for him.

I watched Rosalie's lovely face break out into a positively radiant smile and then she shocked me by hugging me tightly.

"Thank you Edward!" she squealed excitedly as she shook me a little in her embrace. I felt myself stiffen at her touch since this was new territory for Rose and I, typically there were no hugs exchanged. I was more than likely on the receiving end of some sort of random punch than a hug from her.

As soon as I stiffened in her embrace Rosalie seemed to be shocked back into the present and quickly released me with such force that I actually stumbled backwards. We looked at each other awkwardly for a moment and then she turned to go. It was at the exact moment that I realized that she could tell me why Bella was in town. She would know since she was in constant touch with Bella.

"Hey Rosalie, why is Bella back in Seattle? Is she coming back?" I asked her trying to keep the hopefulness out of my voice since I knew that she would give me shit over it like she always did.

I watched as she turned back to me and gave me an evil glare. I knew it was coming so I gave her the smirk that I knew she hated.

"Bella is not in Seattle and don't ever ask me about her again. You lost the right to ask about her the minute you treated her like shit," she seethed at me as I stepped back from her, knowing that she would most likely take a swing at me like she always did whenever I mentioned Bella.

"Well, you're wrong. Bella is in Seattle. I saw her last night. Funny how I know that she is in town and you don't, isn't it?" I asked her mockingly as I gave her a smile. It was a dumb move on my part, but I could not resist teasing her about the fact that I knew where Bella was and she didn't. I could not count how many times she mocked me with news about Bella, only to refuse to tell me in the end. I watched with a smile as Rosalie's glare went from anger to pure hate as she stared at me.

"There is no way she would have contacted you. She would not have been that dumb or desperate to reach out to you. You're lying," she hissed at me as she sized me up like a lion sizes up its prey.

"Fine, don't believe me, but it's true. Just ask Emmett," I said with a big smile as I watched her face fall for a fraction of a second before she turned red in anger.

"Have a good day Rose and tell my brother I said hello," I said in a cheerful tone as I patted her shoulder in a dismissive manner and then left her slack jawed and ready to burst with anger in the hall in front of my office. I laughed all the way out to my car as I thought of her shocked face when I told her to ask Emmett. Sure, it wasn't fair to throw him under the bus like that, but it was deserved for all the times he withheld information about Bella. He could have told me where she was or if she was with anyone. Hell, he could have even told me if she was ok, but he would never say anything about that, instead I heard about things that told me nothing really. I would hear about their trips to see Bella and what they did. Emmett was the first person to tell me about drinking and karaoke with Bella, but never import things, like how did she look, was she happy, did she ever mention me or ask about me. After dealing with his lack of care over my concern for Bella and her wonderful new Edward free life as Rose liked to call it, I didn't feel too bad for sicing Rose on him.

I left work and went back to what was my house. It was empty and cold, but it had always felt empty and cold to me. This house was never warm or inviting with its modern furniture and black and gray color scheme. It had always felt more like a museum than my home so as I packed my things that I would need, I found little to take with me beyond my clothes.

I looked in each room for some semblance of my life here and was shocked to find nothing. We had no pictures of Jess and I on the wall, not even a wedding picture. There was only art work or pictures of friends and family, never us. I looked at all the knick knacks and everything on display and found nothing, not even a favorite coffee mug to take. It was as if I did not live here at all.

I walked back down the hall and entered what was our office. I grabbed my lap top, and a few other items off the desk that I would need before walking out. I packed it all in the trunk of my Volvo before driving off without a glance back at the house.

It was a big step for me to leave Jess and I knew there would be repercussions for it since according to Grandpa, ours was a match made in business heaven. I just could not sit back and allow her to make such decisions without me. It was one thing to go and not tell me where she was or some all girls get away vacation that she had planned without telling me, but to go off of birth control and try to trick me into getting her pregnant was too much. I could not allow a child to be brought in the middle of the mess we were making of our marriage.

I went back to the office that afternoon and awaited Jess's phone call to alert me that she realized that I had taken my things, but it never came. I wondered if she had noticed at all.

That night after work I went back to my little apartment and started to fill the voids with my clothes and work items. It was small and somewhat cramped, but it felt more like home than the huge house I had left. Maybe it was because every corner, every inch of this apartment was filled with memories of Bella when we had been at our best. It was those memories that kept me company when I was lonely and would continue to keep me company now.

I was almost done unpacking when there was a loud banging on the door. My mind first raced to Jess, but there was no way she knew about this apartment. She never knew where Bella lived. I never brought her here while Bella lived here since it would have robbed me of my sanctuary if Jess knew about it.

I went to the door, fully expecting to find the pizza guy since I had called for pizza so I was completely caught off guard as I opened the door to find an angry Emmett there to greet me.

"Hey asshole," he growled at me as he shoved me aside to walk into my apartment like I wasn't even standing there.

I watched him walk in and then stop dead in his tracks as he looked around at the place all wide eyed in surprise. I had forgotten that Emmett hadn't been here in years. He had only known that I had rented the apartment directly after Bella so she would not be stuck with an extra months worth of rent for breaking her lease too early. She didn't know that I had done that, but I just couldn't let her take the hit financially when she had so little to begin with all because she was trying to get away from me, plus, it was my way of keeping her with me.

"You have got to be kidding me!" Emmett exclaimed as he looked around at my new home. I had no idea what he was talking about. Everything looked like it was in place and yet Emmett acted as if he had wandered into the Twilight Zone.

"Edward, I think you need help," he said as he shrugged off his jacket and tossed it on the nearby chair. He was probably correct in his assessment, but I didn't care.

"What are you doing here?" I asked him as I watched him flop down on my beat up couch as if he owned it.

"What am I doing here? Well, you know I could ask you the same damn thing," he replied with a huff as he looked at me with his bright blue eyes blazing a tired type of anger at me. I waited since I knew it was coming.

"What the hell were you thinking telling Rosie that I was with you?" he demanded as if being with me was such a fucking crime.

"What's wrong with you being with me?" I demanded like a child.

"You know she hates you and yet, you taunted her. It was like waving a red flag in front of a bull," he muttered before scratching the back of his neck in a frustrated manner that surprised me a little.

I knew that Rose hated me. She made no secret of that, I guess I didn't realize that she hated me _that_ much.

"Edward, why would you tell her that you saw Bella?" he asked me as his blue eyes met mine. They were bright and teasing, as if he knew the answer before he asked me.

"I don't know," I mumbled as I looked away, hating that he knew I only told Rose to watch her get mad.

"Yeah, you do. You told her to watch her get all pissed off and yes, trust me, I know how much fun Rose can be when she lost in a tizzy like that, but please, don't ever toss me in the middle of your pissing match again," he said with a tired sigh as he looked at me with his blue eyes dead serious. This was his gentle warning that he would not be used as a pawn in the games I liked to play with Rose. I knew if there was a next time I would be rewarded with a punch to the face from Emmett since his typical reaction tends to be some sort of physical violence. He was much like Rose in that respect.

"Edward," he said with a tired sigh. I knew what was coming; this was Emmett gearing up for a rant. I knew him better than himself concerning how he reacts when he was going to chastise someone since I had been on the receiving end of his rants for as long back as I could remember. I kind of felt like one of Emmett's high school students in trouble for skipping a class. I wondered what type of an assistance principal he really was. Just as I was about to get lost in my thought of Emmett on the job, he pulled me out of my head with his conversation.

"Man, I did not tell Rosie that I saw Bella," he said as he looked at me with tired eyes. I was shocked by his omission since I thought that he told Rose everything.

"I didn't tell her since I was with you and I knew she would just go bat shit crazy over the idea of Bella running into you without her there to run interference, so when you told her that you saw her she got pissed, we fought and now I am here letting her cool off," he said as he looked at me, as if he was waiting for some sort of apology. I wasn't going to give him one, he should have mentioned all of this to Rose. His fight with her wasn't my fault, even though I did cause it by inadvertently ratting him out to his wife.

"Fine, I won't mention you again when I talk to Rose about Bella, but she had it coming for all the times she taunted me about Bella and how she was doing," I replied with an angry look, as I silently dared him to disagree with me.

"I will tell you the same thing I told her. You both need to grow up here. Bella is a big girl and can fight her own battles, so I told Rose to stay out of it," he said with a bored, yet angry tone.

"And you, well, I would tell you to leave both Rose and Bella alone, like I always do, but after being here I am just going to say that you need help, man," he said with a sorrowful shake of his head as he looked around my new home.

"What are you talking about?" I asked him, shocked that he would make such a comment. Once more I looked around and nothing seemed out of place.

"Seriously man? Are you going to make me say it?" he asked with a slight laugh as he waved his large hand around as if it was so obvious that I should it see it, but I remained silent, looking as clueless as I felt.

"Ok, well then, if I have to spell it out for you. I am just going to say that it is fucking creepy as hell that you rented her old apartment. I know, I know, you told me your lame ass excuse that you rented it, cause the douche bag landlord said that if she got a renter for the last month of the lease then Bella wouldn't be charged. I didn't believe that was your real reason then and I sure as hell don't believe it now. Cause here we are three years later and you still are renting it," Emmett said with a chuckle as I looked at him dumbfounded.

I hated that he knew that I still missed her. I hated that he knew I cared about her at all.

"You know, if the apartment was not bad enough, look around Edward, you still have her stuff. That is just pathetic," Emmett said with a laugh as he looked around the apartment.

It was true I had Bella's old furniture that she had sold when she moved to California. She had told Emmett at the time that she had decided to leave everything from Seattle behind since it would be too difficult to move. She had asked him to help her sell it since she could use the cash in the move and I saw it as an opportunity to help the girl who at one time said she loved me.

I had tried to help Bella before, but she rejected my help. It was after she had found out that the wedding was still on, that I had gone back on my word to her to break it off with Jess, I attempted to help Bella and was quickly shot down.

I had written Bella a check for ten thousand dollars. It was to help cover the cost of the penthouse apartment she had rented for us. While I might not be able to live with her, but I had every intention at that time that I would still be with her, so I justified my check, my money as my portion of the rent. I looked at it as me helping her, but Bella had other ideas. She always had other ideas. I had tried to write her a check the first night she found out about the wedding, but she left the graduation party before I could do it. I spent the remaining weeks leading up the wedding trying to give her the check, but each time she refused it. My mind drifted back to when Bella first actually received my check.

_"What the fuck is this!" Bella hissed at me as she pushed me into the office I shared with her as a junior attorney at the Cullen Law Firm. I had pulled a lot of strings with Grandpa to allow us to share; unfortunately it would cost me in the end._

_ "Bella, it's just my share of the rent, that's all," I replied calmly as I sat down in my chair and watched her with a smile. Bella was a beautiful woman. She was always stunning, but when she was angry she was magnificent. Her eyes would blaze fire and her face would blush a pretty pink. She was just beautiful._

_ She looked at me and rolled her eyes at my statement. Bella was the most prideful person I had ever met and I knew she would look at this check as some sort of charity hand out if I was not clear about what it was intended for. I had hoped that if I told her that the money was to cover my portion of the rent, as if I was living with her that she would be more accepting of my gift to her._

_ "I cannot fucking believe you!" she yelled at me as she paced back and forth between our desks in the small amount of space that was there. I watched her with delight since she was just so animated. I knew others could hear her rant, but I didn't care. _

_ Bella stopped mid pace and looked at me. She just looked at me as if she had never seen me before in her life. It made my blood run cold to watch her stare at me like that. _

_ "I don't want your fucking money," she hissed at me in a cold manner as her eyes held mine. Bella's eyes were typically so warm and inviting, but as she looked at me then, they looked empty, void of anything and that scared me._

_ "Bella, please just take it," I stuttered to her, as I watched her cold, empty eye., I wanted to see the fire back in them, but she remained unmoved. Only Bella Swan could make me stutter like a fool._

_ "I know you could use it and think of it as a gift from me," I offered to her, knowing damn well that she hated expensive gifts._

_ "Fuck your money, Edward, I would rather starve," she said as she tossed the check at me and then stormed out of our joint office leaving me behind once more._

Bella never took the money, no matter how many times I tried to give it to her. She finally took my check for the ten thousand and donated it to the Saint Nicholas Foundation. When she did this I thought she had given the money so that children could have toys for Christmas, which would have been very Bella like. I later discovered when the foundation contacted me the following year in hopes of another large donation that their work centered on the rehabilitation of prostitutes. As it turns out, Saint Nicholas is the patron saint for prostitutes; this was something I had no idea about and when I found out I was shocked by Bella's choice of charity.

Emmett pulled me out of my thought with a loud laugh, which startled me a little.

"I mean, look around, you even have everything set up the same for crying out loud!" he said with laughter, but I remained silent.

"Edward, when you offered to buy her things I was ok with it since I knew that it was truly you trying to help her. I thought that maybe it was you trying to make amends or possibly offer some sort of closure for how everything happened and your shitty decision making, but now, I don't know, man," he said with laughter in his voice.

"If I had known that you were going to build some sort of fucked up shrine in her honor I would have never agreed to you buying her stuff," he said with a wave of his hand. His words pissed me off. This wasn't a shrine, this was just my escape.

"Fuck you, this isn't a shrine," I muttered as I looked over at him with a scowl that made him laugh at me.

"Oh, yeah, keep telling yourself that," Emmett said with a laugh once more as he stood up to go to the kitchen. I could hear him reaching in the fridge grabbing a beer.

"If you don't like it then leave," I yelled to him as I sat there, waiting for his return.

"No way, I'd rather deal with your moody ass than Rose's right now, so I'm staying," Emmett responded as he walked back in to the room with a beer for me as well. He ended up staying the night and we drank, ate pizza and laughed like we used to back before everything changed. It was the best fucking night I have had in a very long time.

The weeks continued to pass and as they did I was doing a great job of avoiding Jess. Since I was basically living at my apartment now, I never saw her and the more time I spent apart from her the more I realized that I liked it.

Two weeks had passed since that fateful night that I had fucked my wife before she announced that she was off birth control and was now trying to get pregnant. It had been a long two weeks since all I could think about when I wasn't lost in thought over Bella, was how horrible it would be to have a child with Jess.

She was not who I would want to be the mother of my children. She was flighty and bitchy. She was always concerned about what her friends were doing and that would not work well as a parent. If I had learned anything from my own parents, it was that to be a good parent it took sacrifice and Jess was not one to give up anything that she wanted.

It was with those fearful thoughts that I was sitting in a coffee shop close to my office, waiting for Jess's arrival. She had called and insisted that we meet here to _talk._ I was scared to death as to what she wanted to talk about since it was my biggest fear that she would be announcing that I had gotten her pregnant.

I watched her strut into the coffee shop in high heels and an obviously expensive outfit that made her look out of place in this simple shop. I fought back the urge to laugh as she ordered in Italian, confusing the guy behind the counter until she finally just said it in English what she wanted, which happened to be some whip cream covered sugar filled coffee experiment that I somehow doubted was really coffee at all.

"Edward," she said softly as she approached the table slowly, as if I would run away from her if she startled me. The funny thing was that I was thinking of running away as she spoke, now that she saw me I couldn't do it.

I motioned for her to sit down as my heart started to beat out of my chest. This was it. I knew that my life would be over if she said she was pregnant. There would be no escape from her since even if we divorced I would have to deal with her and any demon child that we had created.

"Stop looking at me like that," she hissed at me, as I rolled my eyes at her.

"Well, you'll be happy to know that just like everything else that you attempt to do, you have failed me once more," she said with anger as she looked me over slowly.

I was confused. I had no idea what she was talking about, so I asked her to explain herself, which only seemed to make her more mad.

"I am not pregnant," she finally said as I watched her face go red. I wasn't sure if it was anger or embarrassment that was causing this blush, either way I didn't care. I had dodged a bullet and I was beyond relieved.

"Thank god," I whispered as sweet relief flooded my system, almost making me dopey with its effect.

"Yeah, yeah, I know you are all happy about that, but you don't have to be so cruel," she said as she watched the happy smile spread across my face.

"Sorry Jess," I managed to say, but it was so obvious that I did not care at all that she rolled her eyes at me in anger.

"Listen Edward, what is going on here?" She demanded from me as she started to tap her finger on the table like an angry parent dealing with a child. Her actions irritated me. I was not some child that had to be dealt with.

"Jess, I don't think I want this anymore," I said as I looked into her ice cold blue eyes. I saw surprise flicker through them, before she composed herself once more.

"Well, Edward, I am hoping that you will give our marriage more consideration than that," she sneered at me as I watched her anger build. I was prepared for her anger. I knew she would not be happy about me suggesting that we end it, but I was shocked that she seemed so cold about it.

"How will our family react to know that your knee jerk reaction is to leave me instead of trying to work it out?" she asked me, trying a softer tone with me now that surprised me once more.

I knew how our families would react. I would lose any shot I had at making a partner, but I just didn't care anymore. It didn't bother me at all, what bothered me was how my father would react.

Carlisle Cullen was fair above all else and he believed strongly in marriage. He had asked me time and time again before I married Jess if this was what I really wanted. It was like he knew that I was making a bad decision even before I did. He would be disappointed and I had disappointed him enough.

"Edward, I'll give you time, but I am not giving up yet," Jess said with determination that surprised me before she stood up and walked out, leaving me slack jawed in her wake.

Jess was true to her word as days passed. She would call and leave sweet messages, telling me she missed me while asking me to come home. They were nice messages, but they left me feeling sick so I avoided them as well. I was getting really good at avoidance, but I learned from the best.

Bella had taught me well how to avoid people, how to disappear, and every time I missed Jess's phone calls I silently thanked her and cursed her at the same time for the lessons learned at my expense.

Bella plagued my mind; however, living in her old place, with her old furniture probably did not help me. She was the first thought in my head when I woke up and the last person I thought of before I drifted off to sleep. I would dream of her at night. No matter what I did I could not escape my thoughts of her and so I was slowly going mad.

I knew she was still in Seattle, but I had no idea where she was staying. I had tried to contact her at her law office, but it was pretty evident that she was avoiding my calls when her secretary did not ask me if I wanted to leave a message. I had asked Emmett where she was, but he told me he was sworn to secrecy concerning her whereabouts.

It was ridiculous. All I wanted was to talk to Bella. I needed to know that she was fine. I needed to know why she felt she had to run away. Did our friendship mean nothing to her? Did I mean nothing? I had told her I always wanted her in my life, no matter what, and she had agreed, yet she left me the minute my back was turned.

Time continued to pass and as it did I continued to reach out to Bella only to be ignored. I found myself sitting at my mother's house on Thanksgiving with Jess at my side, putting on the show of our life, pretending that we were a happily married couple. All of the pretending was her idea since _why let our families know we have issues_ as she had said and I weakly agreed. I was too numb to care so I decided to let her have this as I vowed next Thanksgiving I would be Jess free.

After the main meal we were to go over to Emmett's for dessert since the planning for his birthday would take place there. I thought the change in venues was stupid, but I didn't voice my opinion, I just went with it since my main goal at that point was just to complete the meal and then get the fuck away from Jess since she was grating on my last nerve.

"You know you could try to act happy," Jess sneered at me in anger as we drove to Em's house. I knew we should have taken separate cars.

After the longest forty minute drive of my life we pulled up to Emmett and Rosalie's house.

_I can do this._

_ One piece of pie and I am out of there no matter if Jess is ready to go or not._

I kept up my internal pep talk as we walked up to the door and Emmett let us in with a smile.

"What did you do? Speed to get here, huh?" he asked since we showed up right behind Em and Rose and they had left before us. I just smiled at him as he laughed at me. He knew what was going on with Jess and just how much I needed today to be over with.

Rosalie was quick to get everyone in and seated. She kept watching the clock as if she was rushing us, not that I minded at all since I was in a hurry to get out of there myself when mom finally called her on it.

"What is the hurry Rose?" mom asked in an innocent manner that made Rose blush red in embarrassment. I snickered as I watched her stutter out an apology as she offered to make more coffee for us all.

I was sitting there- stuck in Thanksgiving hell with my so called wife, putting on a the pretense that we were happy while my brother laughed and made faces at me behind Jess' s back like a child when it happened. We all heard the back door open and then slam shut as if the wind had caught it and forced it closed. After the loud slamming of the door came the wet squeaking of shoes and then finally a loud splat of someone wet hitting the floor. We all sat their silent, waiting for our unannounced guest to make their grand appearance. I looked at Emmett, who was looking at Rose in shock. I glanced at Rosalie who was wearing a look of horror on her lovely face as the person yelled out "Motherfucker!" after their fall.

I knew that voice before she ever walked into the front room. It was the same voice that haunted my apartment and my dreams. My heart started to pound in anticipation of seeing her. It was stupid and I was a fool since I knew I was the last person she wanted to see, but I just needed to see her again. It had been weeks now since I had seen her up close, not from the distance of my car as she walked to hers.

The door opened in slow motion from the kitchen and in hobbled the most beautiful girl that I had ever seen.

Bella stood there in her running pants and a long sleeve shirt, both of which were soaked through from the rain and sleet that were falling outside. Her dark hair looked black from the moisture and was pulled up into a loose ponytail. Her face was pink from embarrassment and from the cold wind.

Bella's lovely brown eyes danced like fire as she scanned the room, taking in my family until they finally locked with mine in surprise. She looked sick and yet she tried to mask it with a warm, fake smile.

"I forgot to mention that we had a houseguest," Emmett said as Rose stood there silently pleading with Bella her apologies while Bella, smoothly moved closer to her from the door way.

"You all remember Bella Swan, right?" Emmett asked as he motioned towards Bella as she stood there with that fake smile gracing her beautiful face. I watched as she stepped closer to Rose while my sister Alice squealed in delight over Bella's presence. I found myself smiling as well since Bella was here and there was nowhere for her to run.

**AN:**

**Thank you all for reading the story! I would also like that thank Parama for being the world's most awesome beta! Truly, without her the story would fall flat on its face! Hugs & kisses to you, Parama! **

**I am kind of stuck when it comes to recing this week since I am still in love with Bring on the Wonder by Bronzehyperion # 6247426. If you haven't checked out, please do, this Edward is so sweet and this Bella is so broken. I am also falling hard for A Thousand Leaves by Bellasunshine #6276284. It is a bit more well known, but it has a good mystery building there. I also have found two completed stories that have just had me from the start Rose like Thunder and The Worst Weather both by YellowGlue. They are EPOV and BPOV of the same story. Edward is a vampire and Bella is a human. It is good... that is all I can say. Their # are 5739878 & 5550249.**

**Take care & happy reading until next time,**

**Mamasutra**

**xxoo**


	11. Chapter 11

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

Riley POV

Two weeks. Two fucking weeks that I would have to spend back in California alone. I had no idea how I was to close out all of my cases when I was only allowed two weeks to take care of it. I had made all my plans by phone with Erin, my personal assistant for the last three years, who had assured me that this was possible, but I seriously doubted her enthusiasium on this matter.

"Don't worry Riley, let me worry about it until you get here," she said to me as we spoke by phone once I was settled in my office that I shared with Bella.

Erin was great. She was smart and funny, but best of all she knew her job better than anyone else in that office, so when I told her that I had two weeks to assign my cases to other attorneys within the firm as well as get it cleared through the court system I knew that she could help clear my schedule quickly. She was wonderful like that.

Bella was pissed that I was leaving and she would be forced to stay behind. Ever since Cullen had showed up, pounding on her hotel room door she had become flinchy as if she was scared of her own shadow. I hated him for turning her into that. She was better than that, but somehow this guy had a hold on her that she could not break.

It was while I packed my bags that Bella informed me that she would be staying with Rosalie and Emmett while I was gone. It was no surprise that she would stay with them since her and Rose were so close, but I did not like it since Emmett was Edward's brother, which meant that he could show up there anytime he so wanted.

"You really think that is such a good idea?" I asked her, trying to get her to see that she would be better off in a hotel versus staying somewhere with that asshole's brother.

"Ri, you know I can't say no to Rose and well, the company might be nice," Bella explained with a forced smile that made me laugh as she folded my clothes for me. Bella hated company. She liked to be alone, so this situation with her staying with Em and Rose was actually kind of comical in a way.

I found myself laughing at her which only caused Bella to hit me in the stomach since she knew that it was going to be miserable at best staying with them.

"Stay with me tonight?" I asked her as I pulled her close so that her back was flush with my front while my arms wrapped around her waist. I smiled as I watched her consider staying with me. I don't know why she couldn't ever just say yes.

"You know it will be two weeks before we can be together again" I whispered into her ear softly and then chuckled as I felt a shudder run through her body. I knew that shudder. It was her body's response to mine. I knew that she wanted me just as I wanted her since sex between us was always so mind blowing.

I spun her in my arms so I could see her face. I knew if I could see her face I would win this fight and she would stay with me tonight. Slowly, she looked up at me and I could see her lovely brown eyes already glazed over in want while a small smile played upon her lips.

_Yes. She would be mine tonight._

I leaned down as I brought my hands up to cup her face before kissing her, smiling as I felt her shudder once more for me.

"Well, if it's two weeks before we can be together again we better make this count," she whispered in a teasing manner as her brown eyes blazed with want while she slid her hand under my shirt over my bare skin invoking a shudder from me as well while I smiled.

Our lips met and instantly we both groaned. I made quick work of her clothes so that she was standing before be nude, just the way I liked her to be. Bella had an amazing body that was curved and rounded the way a woman should be. She wasn't like other women in some aspects since she was not afraid to show her body. She liked her curves and it was obvious that she was comfortable with her body which only made her sexier to me. There was something about a confident woman that just set me on fire.

Once we were both naked I lead her back to the bed, moving my now packed suitcase so that I had room to be with her. I hated that it would be two weeks before I could see her like this again. Two weeks without her pink skin, flushed with anticipation, her eyes glowing or the soft words she always whispered as we fucked. There was nothing like it and I hated that I would be denied her for fourteen days.

Bella wanted to take lead so I let her. I watched and reveled in her touch as she kissed my skin and tickled me, causing me to squirm under her attention.

"Bella," I managed to say just as she abruptly licked my cock from the base to the tip causing all air to gush out of my lungs in surprise as well as in reaction to the feeling of her tongue.

I sighed as I felt her mouth enclose me and slowly suck and lick her way from tip to base as she hummed for me. I watched her mouth with her wet lips glistening as she slowly slid my cock out of her pretty mouth. It was a beautiful sight that made me instantly want to cum, but I held off, knowing that the best was yet to come for me.

Bella licked and sucked on a downward stroke before slowly releasing me with a pop from her mouth. I was panting as I tried to focus on anything but this beautiful woman's talented mouth as I felt her move so that she was straddling me now.

_Yes._

"Are you going to miss me?" Bella asked me in a teasing manner as she rubbed her wet pussy against my cock, grinding against me, but not letting me enter her yet, causing me to shudder in delight.

"Fuck… Yes, I will," I managed to say through gritted teeth as I held off from losing it once more just as she moved and slammed herself down upon my cock with force. We both gasped in surprise as I found myself surrounded by heat and wet that was wrapped tightly around me. She always felt so amazing when we were like this.

Bella started to rock above me and I laid back to watch her. She was beautiful like this, with her hair all wild and yet she was in such control of me, of the situation. She truly had no idea how gorgeous she was.

"You are so fucking beautiful," I managed to stammer out with a groan as she swiveled her hips just right so that I was seeing spots in my vision while trying to hold off from ending it so that she could reach her peak before I did.

I listened to her pant and moan my name as she scratched my chest unconsciously while trying to hold me. I knew she was right there teetering on the edge so I thrust upwards to hit the angle inside her that made her come apart above me.

"Oh fuck!" she mumbled with her head dropped back on her shoulders, mouth opened in a perfect shaped 'o' while her body spasmed around me. I watched this perfect example of female orgasm for a brief moment before grabbing her waist and sitting up. My movement was lost on Bella as she was still consumed in her own bliss. I flipped us over and proceeded to pound into her body, releasing all my pent up frustration over my leaving as well as all my desire for the woman beneath me until I could not hold back any longer. I groaned as a fire shot through my system as I came hard, with a loud groan in her ear. I closed my eyes and reveled in the feeling of release and pleasure while slowly my breathing evened out.

When I opened my eyes Bella was lying beneath me with a small smile on her face as her lovely eyes remained closed as if she was dreaming sweet dreams. "Now that is a send off," she mumbled in a sleepy tone that made me laugh since yes, it was quite a send off. We lay there wrapped in each other, speaking softly of what I needed to get done while there and laughing about Bella being stuck with Rose, who Bella had believed has gone insane since she started living with Emmett.

"Promise you'll call each night," Bella said in a sleepy whisper while nuzzling closer to me. I smiled at her small form all curled around me.

"I promise," I whispered back as I watched her drift off to sleep.

Bella was probably the most beautiful woman I had ever seen as she slept. Her face would relax and she would smile as if she was having the most wonderful dreams. It was always with those smiles that she would mumble his name and that would effectively end my rapt scrutiny.

I waited for it as I watched her sleeping face smile softly since I knew it was coming.

"Edward," she whispered in a dreamy, sleepy tone. I was the one beside her and yet in her head it was still fucking Edward that made her smile.

Edward Cullen was the asshole that hurt her, but in a way I had to thank him. Without his thoughtless actions and stupid mistake of choosing that brainless twit over Bella, I would not have this amazing woman in my life as my friend so for that reason alone I would always say a silent thanks to him when Bella and I would spend the night together.

I pulled Bella closer to press a soft kiss to her head in thanks. I reminded myself as I held her close that the asshole may be in her head, but Bella was laying in my bed now, not his. It was with that somewhat content thought that I fell asleep.

The morning came quickly and as it did Bella rushed to dress since she had to go back to Rose's house to finish dressing for work. I had tried to talk her into just bringing her work clothes over with her when she came to my room, but she refused. She had been adamant that she would go back to their house last night before our activities started.

I watched her rush out of the door with a quick kiss to me and a promise that she would see me off at the office before I left for my trip. Once she was gone I showered, dressed and checked out. I waited for Tyler since he was coming with me to California to close out his open cases as well.

I had never been particularly close with Tyler. He was quiet and kind of aloof so even though we spent time together I didn't really know him. I had hoped that he would be a decent travel companion, but as I watched him arrive, wearing a scowl on his face I knew that my wishes were probably for naught.

We put our luggage in the rental car and went into work to get last minute instructions from Tanya, as well as to say good bye to Mike and Bella. Tyler was silent on the way to the office so it was not boding well for me that this trip with him would be a good one.

Tanya greeted us with a curt hello and a smile. She knew that I hated leaving, but she didn't care. I looked over at Bella who was looking at Tanya adoringly and I felt sick. Bella trusted Tanya so much and I knew that if Tanya failed us, failed Bella that she would never recover from it. She barely recovered when that asshole failed her.

We had a brief meeting where Tanya once more made a very hollow sounding promise to make this move worth our while, but the more she said it the more I did not believe her.

"Good luck on your trip," was Tanya's parting comments and with that Tyler and I left.

Bella and Mike followed us out to our car while trying not to make a show of it to the others within the office. Their stoic faces and slight talk of pending cases in California made it seem very official as we all walked out together.

Once out in the open air where there weren't so many prying eyes I watched Bella hug Tyler good bye before handing him off to Mike with a kiss on his cheek. She slowly turned to me with a smile.

"Remember what you promised," she said as she took hold of my hand as if she was going to shake it, but I would not allow such an impersonal gesture. I knew we had our actual good bye last night, but I would be damned if I could not hug her good bye now. I pulled her close and wrapped my arms around her in a warm hug against the cold Seattle air.

I breathed in her strawberry scented shampoo and the girly scent that was just Bella as I held her. I listened to her sad sigh as she clung to me tightly as if I was the only thing that kept her standing there. I placed one last kiss to her forehead and tried hard to keep it as innocent as I could so that no one would ever doubt that we were nothing, but friends.

"Be good, ok?" I whispered into her hair as I slowly let go of her. Bella stepped back and looked up at me with a watery eyed smile that surprised me a little. I had never seen her cry over me, but then again we had never really been apart for longer than a few days so this was a first for us.

Bella stepped back from me and as she did I noticed the movement within a car close to us. I looked to see who was watching our interaction, just to make sure that Tanya had not snuck out and was not watching us since her witnessing such a tender farewell would wreck all the work we had done to keep our arrangement on the down low from others in the office.

I glanced at the silver car only to discover Edward Cullen sitting there, watching us as if we were performing just for him. I rolled my eyes at him, not that it mattered since he wasn't watching me; it was Bella that his eyes were fixated on. It gave me an uneasy feeling to see him watching her so closely.

How did he know she would be here? Did Emmett tell him? What was he going to do now that I was going to be gone for two weeks? My mind was going at full speed concerning that prick when Tyler yelled that we had to go if we were going to catch our flight.

I glanced at Cullen once more as he watched us closely. I had to decide if I should tell Bella about our audience. I knew if I told her that it would only upset her and the last thing I wanted her to be was more upset, especially with me leaving her alone for two weeks. I hated that after three years he still could not leave her alone. I hated that every moment I had with this woman Cullen was always on her mind, lurking in the shadows of her memories, as if he was waiting for her to be done with me, just like he was doing right now.

"Bella, if Edward comes around…" I started to say in a serious tone of warning, but she stopped me midsentence.

"Ri, Emmett promised me that Edward would not be around and if he does come around, you know I can take care of myself," she said softly with a reassuring tone as she held me tighter. I wanted to laugh at her and her words. She stood no chance against Cullen and whatever fucking voodoo spell he would put on her. She never did. She had always just fallen over backwards for him even though I could not see the appeal.

"Stop worrying about me, I'll be fine," Bella said with a smile for me as she pulled me closer so that my face was close to hers. I could breathe in her fruity scent and it helped calm me for a minute as I tuned out the fact that Cullen was watching us.

"Now, go to California and close out your cases since I want you back here with me as quickly as possible," she whispered to me and then brushed her soft lips against mine in a kiss that gave me goose bumps like a teenage boy getting his first kiss. It was a bold move on her part since we have never kissed in public so close to our office and I was thrilled by it.

I pulled her as close to me as I could and kissed her harder as Bella responded with a sigh for me. I smiled against her lips as she broke our kiss. _Take that, Cullen. She's not yours any more._

I glared over at Cullen one last time before I got in the car with Tyler and then we left. It was hard to see Bella standing there watching us leave while that asshole was oogling her like he was waiting for her to be alone, but there was nothing I could do about that.

The flight back to LA was smooth and soon we were back on our way home. I had missed my town house with its simple memories of working late and being with Bella. She was the only thing that made the move to California worth it in my opinion.

Once I made it home I sent Bella a text to let her know that I made it safely here and then another text to Erin to let her know that I was here as well before turning in for the night. There was no need staying up tonight since tomorrow would start hell for me soon enough. Just as I was drifting off to sleep while the TV played my phone went off advising me of a text. It was Erin.

_Glad you're here. I look forward to servicing you tomorrow._

Her text messages always made me laugh since they were always so suggestive and I don't think that she intended them to be since she had never been inappropriate with me before. I knew that Erin had a reputation when it came to the young male lawyers in the firm. She was known to be a flirt as well. I couldn't keep track of how many of the men there she dated or fucked. Bella liked to tease me about her. She would say that I was on Erin's hit list of lawyers she planned on screwing, but I would always tell her she was wrong since Erin had been nothing but professional with me. I shook my head as I laughed and then closed my eyes to sleep while the white noise of the TV surrounded me.

The morning came and so did all the work I was trying to avoid. I went to my old office and was greeted by my old co workers who seemed happy to see me for some reason before they all scattered, leaving me alone with Erin.

I looked over at her and gave her a smile as she stood there looking me over.

"Glad to have you back," she said with a teasing grin as she stepped closer to me. It was kind of nice to be back where it was warm and sunny.

Erin wrapped her arms around me and pulled me in for a quick hug that turned suddenly awkward as I my entire body stiffened in her arms. I was in shock. Erin had never hugged me before so for her to do so was a bold move on her part.

"Uh, thanks, Erin," I managed to say as I twisted myself out of her arms. I sighed softly as I thought of the sexual harassment law suit that could come from this type of behavior and prayed that Erin would not consider such an action. I looked at Erin's face and I could not see anything different. She was acting like we hugged all the time and that made me uneasy as we stood there looking at each other in a dumb fashion.

"Listen, I have the list of attorneys that you could refer your clients to see. I took the time to mark whether or not personality wise the client would get along with the attorney in question," Erin said with a smile as she sat the papers down on my desk. She smiled once more and then excused herself, leaving me alone. I barely had time to thank her as I watched her retreating form leave my office.

I looked at the clock it was barely eight in the morning. This would be a long day I decided as I sat down in my chair to review her list.

The days in California dragged on. I had not realized how boring my work day was without Bella around to break up the monotony. Sometimes I would walk out of my office, as if on autopilot, and go to her office across the hall only to find her very confused assistant looking at me as I stood in Bella's empty made me wonder if I was losing my mind.

I would spend my days in and out of meetings, and finalizing accounts, but in my head I was back in Seattle sipping coffee in some coffee shop with Bella while we watched it rain outside. It was horrible being here and I had not realized how much I would miss my friend.

The comfort I was finding in my time here was with Erin. She was everywhere I was, even when I didn't need her to be. She would bring me lunch and sit with me as I ate. She would remind me of my appointments and smile as I walked by her. It was comforting and I took that comfort willingly.

Erin was what I thought of when it came to a typical California girl. She had shoulder length blonde hair and a pretty face. She had a nice body and long tanned legs. Bella liked to tease me that Erin was my dream girl and whenever she did that I would just roll my eyes at her since she was so far from the truth. Maybe in another life Erin would have been a dream for me, but now she was just a little too close to looking like Bree for my personal taste.

Bree Tanner. The girl I once loved. The girl that destroyed me and didn't even care that she did. I fell in love with her when I was sixteen. She was sweet and pretty. Bree had blonde hair that she cut in a bob that framed her face perfectly and ice blue eyes that made me go weak in the knees. She had the face of an angel. I used to spend time watching her, wondering how I had gotten so damn lucky to call her mine.

"Riley, are you listening to me?" I heard Erin ask in a teasing manner, pulling me out of my thoughts of Bree and the past. I nodded my head sheepishly since she knew that I was lost in thought. I tried to focus on Erin as she told me about growing up in the shadow of Disneyland, however, within a minute or two my mind started to wander back in time to Bree.

Bree and I dated through high school. We both were popular and for some reason people cared about what we did or wore or even more stupidly, what we liked. It was crazy since I never wanted the attention. I just wanted Bree.

"So Riley, I am told that you grew up with Mike, Tyler, and Bella in a small town in Washington. Is that true?" Erin asked, pulling me back into the conversation with her question.

"Uh, yeah, we all lived in Forks, but I can't say that I was close with any of them. Bella was close with my cousin Demetri and so I would see her through him at times, but Mike and Tyler, not so much," I responded with a shrug as I looked at her smiling face. It was hard to sit here with her today. I just wanted to be alone, but Erin wasn't allowing me that.

"So, how did you all get to be such good friends?" Erin asked innocently as she looked at me with her big blue eyes in wonder. I cringed at her questions since really my friendship with all of them was started at the depth of my own personal hell. It wasn't a time that I liked to relive and Erin's questions were sending me there.

"Uh, we became friends in our undergrad years of college since we all had the same major, so we saw each other a lot, but I guess we didn't become close until law school," I offered to her, hoping like hell that this will appease her so her questions would stop.

I waited with held breath to see if she would grill me anymore when there was a loud knock on my office door. I smiled since this would save me from Erin and her interview questions.

The remainder of the day passed without any further interference from Erin. I would see her in passing, but there was no more time to talk about my personal life and for that I was thankful. I found myself buried under mountains of paper work that I worked through. I discovered that finding my clients new representation was a bit trickier than what I had originally thought it would be since many of them were reacting to my leaving as if I was violating a major trust. The emotion of it all made for long days and by the end of my first week I was tired in a manner that I had not been privy to in the past.

"Good night Riley!" I heard Erin call as she stuck her head in my door to announce her departure. I looked up and gave her a smile before turning back to my work.

"Hey, if you change your mind, call me, ok?" she yelled as she walked away. Erin had invited me over for dinner, which I turned down since I figured if I worked more then maybe, just maybe, I could leave here and be back in Seattle a few days earlier than what was planned, but as I looked at the work in front of me it was starting to look like that would not be happening.

When I finally called it quits for the night I walked out into the quiet, deserted office. Tyler had long left and was probably back at the hotel, eating dinner while talking to Mike, or maybe he went out with some of their friends. Who knew? Either way, I was not invited along so I was left to my own devices on Friday night. In the past after working a long Friday I would just meet up with Bella. We would eat, drink beer and watch movies as we discussed our day. It was always something that I looked forward to, but there would be none of that tonight since she was back in Seattle and I was here.

I was walking out to my car when my phone rang. I smiled as I recognized the ring tone. It was Bella.

"What's going on?" I asked her with a smile. It was the first real smile that I had all day and for some reason it was making my face hurt with the reaction of it.

"I was sitting here, doing work, when I realized that I needed to talk to you," she said with a soft laugh that made me laugh as well. This was how it had started with us. One of us reaching out to the other for comfort or companionship in an effort to deal with being alone.

I talked with Bella the entire drive home. I listened to her tell me of her dislike of staying with Rosalie and Emmett. She talked about how that very morning she got up to start the coffee only to find a very naked Emmett in the kitchen eating left over's out of the fridge and how disgusting it was.

"Seriously, Riley, I could have lived my whole life without seeing him naked," she deadpanned for me as I laughed so hard that tears started coming out of my eyes.

"I miss you," I said as the words escaped me before I had a chance to stop them. I held my breath after I said them since Bella and I were not the emotional type. We had agreed that ours was a friendship based on convenience, not emotion since it was emotion that fucked us both over before.

"I know you do," she replied with a snarky laugh that relieved me since the last thing I wanted to do was to get her upset. She always got upset when it came to emotions.

We talked for hours until there was nothing left to talk about and we both were drifting off to sleep while still on the phone. The last things I heard before I fell asleep that night was her breathy whisper of a good night.

Saturday morning and I was back at work, alone. Typically, on a Saturday if I was in at work so was Bella. I looked over at her closed office door as I walked into the silent office. I reminded myself that while she wasn't here, she was in Seattle, most likely working in our office alone and that brought me some comfort.

The day dragged on and as it did my thoughts wandered once more. I thought of Bree and I blamed Erin for it. She was the one who made me think of her. I thought about how demanding Bree was. She demanded to get married just as I had a year to go in law school. She insisted it was the perfect time, but I knew it was because her cousin was getting married and she wanted to be married first. It was childish and petty, but that was Bree at times.

When I told her I wanted to wait a year she became upset. She told me how she was tired of waiting and her friend Dee from work told her that if I really loved her that I would make this work. I remember thinking that I would find this Dee and rip her a new one, if only I had done it, things might be different for me now.

Bree told me that she wanted marriage and children now. She would not wait, so either I agree with her or we end here. I thought she was bluffing. I thought she loved me too much and was just trying to get her way like she always did, so I told her that I wanted to further my career and I could not see having children until I made partner.

_"Well, if that is how you feel then I will go," Bree replied back with a meek sigh as she looked at me with tears in her eyes._

It always killed me to see her cry. I left her that morning for class, standing there in our apartment, watching me go and when I returned that night she was gone. Bree had packed her things and left me.

"Hey! I knew you would be here!" exclaimed Erin as she walked into my office with a basket in her hands. I jumped in surprise since she was never here on the weekends.

"Oh, I am sorry that I scared you. I just thought that you would be here and would want some lunch," she said casually as she sat down across from me. I looked at her in surprise since I was not expecting her at all.

"Uh, thanks," I stuttered to her as she stood up. I noticed that her jeans hugged her ass perfectly and as she bent over to set the food out her shirt was just low cut enough to give me a view of her ample breasts. Bella swore that Erin had a boob job, but I couldn't tell.

"You don't mind, right?" Erin asked me with concern as she noticed that I must have had a shocked look on my face as I watched her.

"No, this is great. I am just surprised that's all. I mean, you've never come in before…" I responded as I tried to think of something to say to the girl. I did not want her to think that I was not appreciative of her efforts, but it was surprising all the same.

"Yeah, well, I knew that you would have Mike or Bella with you so there was no way for us to be alone," she managed to say and then quickly followed it up by handing me a plate with food on it.

Erin saying the word alone startled me a little. There was never a reason for us to be alone.

"Yes, well, I do spend a lot of time with Bella, plus there is the whole no fraternizing with subordinates policy that the firm has in place so that is probably another reason why you haven't stopped by right?" I asked her, in hopes of gently reminding her that I was still her supervisor and we were not really friends. Erin never responded to my comment.

We ate with quiet conversation until Erin turned the topic of discussion to Bella.

"So, do you think that she is back with her ex?" she asked me in a sly manner. I knew she was fishing for office gossip and Bella was always a target when it came to the women here. They seemed to hate seeing her succeed. Bella tried to say it was a woman thing, but I just thought it was flat out bitchy.

"I don't think so," I replied with a chuckle as I thought about Bella's face when she first saw Cullen in the restaurant that night. She looked horrified and shocked, and then later on as he stood outside of her hotel room door she looked pissed enough to kill him.

"Yeah, well, if she is still hung up on the guy three years later, don't be so sure to count him out yet," Erin said with a snicker as if she knew something and instantly my defenses were up. The thought of Bella back with Edward made me sick. The rest of the lunch was tense as I was lost in thought concerning Bella and Edward.

I watched as Erin packed up our food and said good bye as I thanked her for her kindness. She promptly followed up by offering to cook dinner tonight, but once more I passed on her offer.

Once she was gone I grabbed my phone. I was going to call Bella and tell her about Erin. I was going to tell her so she could laugh with me at the stupidity of Erin's comments, but she never answered the call. It was odd since she _always _answered my phone calls.

I could feel the dread settling over me as I thought about why she was not answering the phone. Was she with _him_? The knot in my stomach intensified as I thought about him touching her, or kissing her. I should not feel that way, but I did.

The day continued to drag on and as it did my dread intensified. I could not name the feeling, but I had felt it before. I had felt it when I discovered that Bree's friend Dee was actually a guy by the name of Diego Sanchez. He was one of the fifth grade teachers at the school where she worked at. I found that out when I ran into her at a bar where I occasionally worked at with him, on a date no less.

We had been broken up less than two months at that time. I remember the feeling of disbelief and dread that settled over me as I watched him hold and kiss the woman that was supposed to be my wife. I wanted to kill him, but I couldn't. It would do no good if I had, so instead I opted to ignore them and when Bree came over to talk I walked away. I didn't see her again for four months and during those four months there wasn't a day that I did not think of her.

During those four months I would hear things about Bree from my mom. I would hear how happy she was or how wonderful this Diego was. It did nothing but fuel my fire of self pity and hatred for a guy I did not know. It was at the four month mark when at one in the morning there was a knock at my apartment door. When I opened it I found Bree, standing there, waiting for me with an unsure smile.

I should have shut the door. I should have told her to leave, but I was so happy to see her that all I did instead was hug her while marveling over how perfect she felt in my arms again.

We spent the following week in bed, making love, whispering words of love and never leaving each other's side. I was in heaven. I had my girl back. I would have it all now. I would have my career, my love and all was right in the world until the dawn of the new week. It was then that it all went to hell again cause when I woke that Monday morning Bree was gone and all that she left me with was a note.

The note told me nothing, except that she still loved me in a way, but she now knew that she belonged with Diego. She even went so far as to thank me for helping her decide. I felt my heart shatter in my chest as I read her words over and over again that she was going back to him.

I had decided at that moment that I would not let Bree wreck me. I had decided that while Bree may not want to be a part of my life, there would be someone, someday who would. I took that thought and threw myself into school, knowing that I may not be a success at love, but I could succeed in work. I could focus all I had on law and watch as my career blossomed. She could have her fifth grade teacher with his teacher's salary and I would have it all.

I remember when Bree came to find me about a month later. I was at the law library in the middle of a study group that consisted of Bella, Edward Cullen and some others. She asked me to come over away from the group and I knew that she was there to ask me back. I knew that she would come to her senses and this was my time to tell her to go to hell since there was no way I would come back to her now, but then she surprised me.

_"Riley, I need your help," she whispered while looking behind me. I knew that we were being watched, but I didn't care._

_ "What do you need?" I asked her trying to sound cold, to let her know that I was not about to bend over backwards for her._

_ "I … I think we need to talk in private," she whispered, still watching my study mates. I looked behind me and saw how Edward was whispering something to Bella while they both watched us. _

_ "Whatever you have to say can be said here," I replied back, still just as ice cold as I could be. I watched her face pale and then she took a deep breath._

_ "Riley, I'm pregnant and it's yours," she said flatly as she looked away from me. My world spun out of control at her words. Bree was pregnant and it was mine._

_ "Are you sure?" I asked her, stepping closer to her little body, feeling suddenly protective of this girl that had ripped out my heart._

_ "Yes, I am sure that I'm pregnant and I am sure that it is yours. Diego had been gone for a month before I came to you and was gone for three weeks after I left," she replied bitterly as if I was asking too much by wanting to know for sure. _

_ I looked at her with what had to be a horrified expression as she finally turned to look at my face._

_ "Don't give me that look! Do you think I wanted this?" she hissed at me in anger._

_ "I have plans too, Ri, and none of them include having your child!" she continued her rant in a whisper, but people were starting to stare at us now since it was more obvious that there was something going on between us._

_ I was terrified, but then an epiphany settled over me. I could do this. I could have it all. I could have a career, a wife, a child. I could have it all and it could be wonderful._

_ "Bree, fuck my plans, I don't care. I know you had plans, but nothing needs to change too much. We can do this. We'll get married now and you can have the baby. I mean, it will be hard, but we can do this, together," I stammered excitedly as images of Bree in a wedding dress filtered through my mind followed by a baby girl with her blonde hair._

_ Bree stood there in shock as I stammered out my plans. She watched me with horror as I talked until she finally silenced me with a wave of her hand._

_ "No, Riley. I don't want you. I don't want this child," she said with cold determination as I staggered backwards as if she had physically assaulted me with her words._

_ "I am not keeping this child. I am planning on ending the pregnancy so Diego will never know," she said in a hushed whisper as I stared at her._

_ "Fuck Diego! That is my child!" I yelled as everyone turned to look at us now, while Bree dragged me out into the warm fall night._

_ "Shut up!" she hissed at me as she continued to pull me away from the building in a hurry._

_ "Riley, I made him a promise. I promised to marry him and he cannot know about this, about us," she stammered at me in a nervous manner that only made me angrier as I watched her fidget._

_ "You promised me first!" I yelled as I jerked my arm free from her grasp as she watched me, flinching at my words._

_ "I love him Riley and I will not lose him," she said with a strength in her voice that surprised me._

_ "But you can lose me and you can kill our child huh?" I asked her as I stepped away from her. Bree remained motionless and silent at my accusation. She just stood there as if I finally understood what she was saying and I did understand. She was going to end the pregnancy_

_ "Bree, you can't…" I stammered to her, but she stopped me._

_ "I can and I will. I have the appointment in place. I just need your help," she said with a tired sigh. I looked over her face and could see the purple bags under her eyes that were telling signs of her lack of sleep._

_ "Help?" I asked her, shocked by her words._

_ "Yes, I need your portion of the money to end this problem of ours and I will need some where to stay, It would be just for a day or so, you know, so I could rest before going back to my everyday life," she said as if what she was suggesting was perfectly normal._

_ "I don't know what to tell you, Bree. I will not chip into end our child's life and I sure as hell will not assist you as you do it," I said as I looked at her with disgust. I tried to see the girl I loved in the self centered bitch that stood before me, but I couldn't find her at all. _

_ "Riley, you can't…" she said with an angry tone, but I silenced her._

_ "I can and I will," I told her as I threw her own words back in her face before turning to return to my study group, leaving her alone in the parking lot._

Bree and I did not speak again until her wedding six months later. I could only guess that she had ended the pregnancy without my assistance since she was not pregnant at her wedding.

I wondered how much the abortion effected Bree concerning her not being able to get pregnant now. Whenever mom would tell me about Bree's trouble with infertility, my vindictive mind would always turn to the thought _I hope Diego was worth it, _andBree would float through my mind.

I ended the day and went back to my empty home trying to contact Bella all the while. I needed to hear her voice. I knew it would calm me and chase away all the bad memories that Bree invoked in me, but Bella never answered her phone.

The night wore on and as it did my mind raced with scenarios as to why she was not answering my calls. I imagined Bella locked in a passionate embrace with that fucker Cullen. I would try to block the thoughts, but with each beer I had the thought of Cullen fucking her became more and more prevalent. I finally passed out with the thought of Bella moaning his name while I watched helplessly.

The morning came and with the unwanted sunshine I found that I had three missed calls. It was Bella.

"Hey Ri!" I listened to Bella's voice with an obvious drunken slur to it as she spoke to my voice mail.

"Sorry I missed your call. Rose took my phone and so I couldn't, I didn't know you had called," she stammered in a way that made me smile.

"Call me later, ok?" she asked and then hung up, but not before I heard a deep male voice call her name in the background. My mind instantly identified the voice as Edward's, but there was no fucking way she would be with him. I knew there was no fucking way. I had to be imagining it, but yet I wasn't too sure.

I threw myself into work on Sunday, knowing that I would talk to Bella later and hopefully find out for sure that Edward was not with her. I worked throughout the day, taking care of one thing after another as I refused to let myself think about Bella with Edward for one more moment until it was time to leave.

When I wasn't at work my mind was consumed with Bella. All I could think about was if she was back with that fucker. I wished that Erin had never said anything, but I couldn't be upset with her since she had no idea that Bella and I were intimate at all. She knew we were close friends, but that was all she knew. Erin had no idea about us, no one did.

I sat on my couch, trying to reason with myself that all my worries were for nothing. Bella would not go back to him. There was no way. He had hurt her too badly by his actions, but in the back of my mind I knew there was a chance.

Bella had loved him. She had loved that asshole, even though I could never understand why. Edward was pompous and arrogant, but she saw something in him that I couldn't. If I was being honest about Cullen, I would have to say that when he was with her he wasn't so bad. It was as if she took the edge off of him. She mellowed him and made him more human than whatever he was any other time.

My chest ached at the thought of her loving him since I knew how weak love made a person. It was that weakness that Bree used against me that resulted in the murder of my child at her hands. Love would make a person stupid and I wondered if it would affect Bella like that as well.

The days continued to pass and as they did I found it harder and harder to concentrate. My cases were closing and that was good, but that was the only good thing going on for me. I could not get a hold of Bella. It was as if she was avoiding my calls and this avoidance only seemed to strengthen the idea that she was back with Cullen.

When I could not take it anymore and was on the edge of breaking I finally decided to talk to Tyler. He might know since Mike and Bella were close. If anyone would know if Bella was fucking around with Cullen again it would be them.

I took the long walk to his office, avoiding Erin as I went. Once I was outside of his door I almost changed my mind about asking him what he knew of Bella when he caught me standing there.

"Hey man, come on in," he called as he looked up from his desk with a curious look on his face. It was odd for me to be there. I knew this so I was not surprised by his curiosity.

"What can I do for you?" he asked as he motioned for me to sit down. I took a deep breath as I did, knowing that Tyler might laugh at me as I sat there.

"I was wondering if you had heard from Bella and Mike." I asked him cautiously as I looked at his face. The puzzled look that went over his features was almost laughable.

"Yeah, uh, I mean, I was told that Mike stayed with Bella at her cousin's house," he said, unsure of where I was going with this line of conversation.

"Did he mention who all was there?" I asked him in a normal tone, hoping like hell that he could not see my uneasiness.

Tyler looked at me for a moment and then listed that it was just Mike, Bella, Rose and Emmett as far as he knew.

"What the hell is going on Riley?" he asked me as he looked at me over the desk with a concerned look.

I debated over what to do. I could say nothing and leave or I could actually tell Tyler that I was concerned about Bella.

"I was just wondering if Cullen was there, that's all," I said as I looked away. I waited for a sarcastic response or laughter, but none came. I slowly turned to look at him and was greeted with a sympathetic smile. I hated sympathy.

"What? I can't be concerned about Bella?" I demanded from him as I felt myself go red with unjustified anger.

"You can be concerned all you want. I am just surprised that's all," he said with a laugh. There was nothing funny about this in my opinion so I scowled at him.

"What are you so pissed about?" he asked me as I looked at him.

"I don't know. I mean, Erin mentioned that Bella was probably back with Cullen since she cared for him and all," I stammered as I looked away. I hated admitting that I had doubts about Bella.

"Wait, what does Erin know about Edward and Bella?" Tyler asked with concern in his voice that surprised me a little. Why would he care that Erin would talk about her?

"She did not mentioned Edward by name, she just said that if Bella was still hung up over some guy for the last three years, being back in town could make her want to hook back up with him, that's all," I said in explanation as I ran a hand through my hair in frustration.

"Yeah, well, I guess that makes sense," he said with a tired sigh.

"Wait! What makes sense?" I asked him as I looked at him, wondering what the hell he was talking about.

"Well, Bella was crazy about him and well, yeah she is still hung up on him so I could see that happening," Tyler said as if he was reasoning through Erin's statement.

"Yeah, but he hurt her and he's just not good," I stammered nervously as I pleaded with him while he watched me carefully.

"He hurt her, but she never stopped loving him over it. She left him because she knew she wasn't strong enough to stay away from him and we all know he wasn't that strong either," Tyler said with a sad shake of his head. It was true. We had all watched Bella and Edward together. He could never stay away from her; it was so obvious that it shocked me that his family or girlfriend never noticed it.

"Bella's an odd duck, man. I know that she is all 'I-hate-Edward', but I also know that when push comes to shove she would be there for him if he needed her," Tyler said in a knowing manner. I knew he was right, but that didn't stop me from being pissed about it.

"What are you doing defending that asshole like that?" I asked him as anger seeped into my voice.

"I am not defending him. I just kind of understand that's all," he offered simply as I looked at him shocked.

"What is there to understand? He chose his rich girlfriend over Bella. He fucked and dumped her," I said with an angry sigh as I looked away from Tyler, willing myself to calm down since there was no need to lose my temper over this.

"I don't think it was ever the case of him fucking and dumping her. I think he had every intention of keeping Bella, but wasn't sure how he was going to do it," Tyler said with a tired sigh. My blood boiled at his words.

"Why the fuck to do you defend him? Does he have something on you?" I demanded as I tried to keep my voice down so that others wouldn't know that we were arguing.

"I am not defending him; it's just that, I understand him a bit. I know where he is coming from," Tyler said with irritation as he eyed me carefully.

"Where the fuck is he coming from then? Since none of it ever made any sense except the fact that he is an asshole," I said simply as I tried to rein in my temper a bit. Tyler looked at me with a knowing look that made me want to cringe as I looked away from him.

"You know what Edward's biggest problem was right?" He asked me as if I would know and understand why the guy did what he did. I never understood. He had Bella, who is an amazing girl. He had her and yet he kept around that blonde imbecile. He chose that moron over Bella and no, to me, it never made sense.

"The fact that he was dick?" I asked him sarcastically as Tyler rolled his eyes at me.

"No, legacy was his biggest problem," Tyler mused as he looked out the window beside me.

"Legacy?" I questioned him as I looked out the window as well. The day was perfect, sunny, not a cloud in sight.

"Yeah, he had a legacy to live up to and in the end it will crush him. I never got how his brother escaped it, but Edward couldn't avoid it," Tyler mused with a slight smile on his face. I understood how. Emmett did not care what his family wanted while Edward cared too much. It was evident all along; whenever I had to interact with Edward, that his family was a top concern, never Bella.

"You know I understand him. It's hard to live the way you want when your family has a certain expectation about you and your life. It makes happiness nearly impossible," he said as he trailed off into silence while I rolled my eyes at his words.

"Yeah, yeah. Poor Cullen! It must be so hard to be him with wealth and prestige at his finger tips," I replied back mockingly as Tyler flicked me off.

"Say what you will, but it would suck to be him and you know it. Your problem is that you're jealous, that's all," Tyler countered back with a dark look in his eyes. He was pushing me and he knew it. He was waiting for me to fight back.

"Jealous of what?" I demanded from him as I tried to deny his claim.

"You're jealous of Edward and how Bella still cares about him in spite of herself. It's kind of sad really," Tyler mocked me as he shook his head in sorrow. I fought the urge to punch him in the face as he smirked at me and my frustration.

"Fine, Riley. You're right. Edward is an asshole over how he has treated Bella, but try to remember you have done the same thing to the women in your life and that does include Bella," he said with an edge to his voice as he looked at me darkly, almost like he was willing me to throw a punch at him.

I sat there shocked. There was a lot of things a person could accuse me of, but treating the women in my life bad was not one. I had treated Bree like a queen and I have treated Bella with respect and kindness that a gentle soul like hers deserved. I had opened my mouth to dispute his claim when Tyler shot me down.

"Did you not end things with Bree because you wanted to put your career first?" he demanded from me as I started to talk. His words stunned me into silence.

"No," I replied simply as I looked him dead on.

"Really? Because when I was told what happened it was said that you told Bree you wanted to wait on marriage until you were done with law school and then wait on children until after you made partner. Is this correct? Is this not why she left you?" he asked me in a cold voice that made me turn away since he was right. It was what happened between Bree and me, but I had never thought about the fact that I was putting my career in ahead of her.

"Is that not putting your career first?" he asked me in a demanding tone that I refused to answer.

"You know, Edward did same thing. He chose his career over Bella. It was never that twit Jessica over Bella. It was that fucking law firm over Bella," Tyler said with ice in his voice as I tried to control my temper from flaring up at him and proving him wrong .

"Funny, how much you have in common with the guy, huh?" Tyler mocked as he continued to smirk at me like the dick he was.

"As a matter of fact, I would say the only difference was that he managed to treat Bella better than what you have," Tyler said in a mocking tone that was grating on my nerves.

"Fuck you! I have never treated her like whore and offered to pay for her services," I countered back in a hiss through clenched teeth as I fought the to urge not hit him right there in the middle of his office.

'"Yeah, he was only trying to help her the only way he could and that was with money so I don't know about paying her for her services. I had always thought that she over-reacted with that, and I have told her so on many occasions," he said as he rubbed his chin in a thoughtful manner as he eyed me dangerously.

"You know, Edward and her at least had a relationship. It was more than just sex. He gave it a label. She was his girlfriend to anyone who knew about them being together and his best friend to all others that were unaware of that side of their relationship. _You_ treat her like a dirty secret, running around behind people, fucking her every chance you get, but denying that you even know her personally to anyone who might be around. It's pathetic, man, and you should be ashamed. Bella deserves more than what you have given her," Tyler said harshly as he looked me over with disgust in his eyes as if looking at me turned his stomach.

I stood up to leave. I was not going to take this anymore. I didn't have to take his words and lies. I had been nothing, but good to Bella and our arrangement was a joint agreement. It was not just me being an ass who was denying her in public.

"It has got to hurt that no matter how many times you claim her, you never get her heart," he said with a laugh as I turned to look at him with a death glare that just made him laugh louder at me.

"If she's not with him now, she will be sometime soon. Love doesn't just go away," he yelled to me as I walked out of his office and slammed the door behind me. I didn't want to hear anything more he had to say.

I stormed back to my office and closed the door in Erin's face. I was not in the mood to deal with her and her perkiness at the moment. I fumed for the rest of the day and then left early as work was completed. My cases had been handed off and tomorrow would be my last day here for a while as I was set to return to Seattle.

I drove home. All the while trying to contact Bella and when I finally did she could not talk. I asked her what was going on, but all she said was that she had a meeting she had to attend.

I was left alone that night with my thoughts of Bella. Was she out with Cullen? Would she even tell me if she was?

The more I thought of it the more I decided that it didn't matter. While Bella was my friend I was not about to get all lost over a girl again. I had done that once and it left me devastated. I won't fall like that again. Bella was just a sex partner, a fuck buddy, a person I relieved stress with, nothing more, nothing less. She was Bella, my friend with benefits and that was all.

I stopped trying to call her as I decided that I did not need to know where she was or who she was with. I called the airlines instead and changed my ticket to the red eye flight for the next night in efforts to avoid Tyler. I booked a room at the Brand Hyatt once more since I still needed a place to stay and then I went to bed that night with a clear conscious and a heavy heart.

The next day at the office Erin came in and quickly invited me to dinner. I looked at her and for one moment I almost said no, but then I remembered that I had no ties to anyone, so I said yes. I watched with delight as her eyes lit up like fire to my agreeing to go to her house for a nice home cooked meal.

The day passed in a flurry and as it did I started to feel better about my decision to back off from Bella. There was no need for me to hover or get that attached to her since in the end she was going to leave anyway.

Bella did call in the afternoon as I was getting ready to head out to Erin's. She wanted to know when my flight was landing so I told her and made no comments concerning when I would see her as I arrived in Seattle. I could hear her confusion on the phone, but instead of clearing it up I just got off the phone and left. I didn't owe her an explanation, I reminded myself.

I drove home to pack and close out my house since I was unsure when I would be back. I set the security system and then I left with my suitcase ready to go in the trunk, since I would need to leave Erin's by no later than eight o'clock to make my flight.

I had never been to Erin's place even though I had been invited over countless times. I pulled up in front of her apartment building and parked in the visitor's parking. It was a typical apartment building with its warm colored hallways that were meant to give the place a homey feel. When I finally found Erin's door she opened it before I had a chance to knock and pulled me in to a warm hug.

"I am so glad you said yes!" she exclaimed happily as she pulled me through the door. I walked in and as I did I explained that I did not have a lot of time, however it was so kind of her to invite me over for dinner. My words seemed to set off something inside her since I watched her blue eyes dance at my words.

I watched as Erin turned towards me again and then slowly smiled what appeared to be a brave smile. She stepped closer and as she did I stepped back in reflex since she was just too close.

"Don't go," she whispered as she stepped closer once more and at that I froze there with my body pressed against hers. I felt the air charge with electrity as she slid a hand down my chest so it came to rest at my belt buckle. My body reacted instantly as I felt myself grow hard in anticipation.

"Erin, we can't, I am your supervisor. It's is beyond wrong," I managed to say in a husky voice that made her smile. She knew she was getting to me and slowly I felt her hand trace over my hard on through my thin dress pants as I hissed at the contact.

"Yes, we can. You are no longer my supervisor. You are a just a man. A man that I have watched and waited for three long, lonely years," she whispered as she stepped closer and kissed along the collar of my shirt on my neck.

My mind was racing as I fought to stay in control while my body cried for some sort of release. I knew she was right. I as no longer her supervisor, but that still did not make it right.

I opened my mouth to voice my concern about that just as Erin stepped away from me. My body instantly missed her light contact. I watched wide eyed as she reached back and unzipped the dark gray fitted dress she was wearing and let it fall to the floor at her feet. She was wearing blood red lacey panties and a matching bra that exposed her supple skin to me.

"I know you want me like I want you," she purred to me as she stepped closer while I stood there like a deer in head lights. I felt her hand trace down my chest until it was resting upon my now throbbing cock causing me to hiss in delight from the pressure of her hand.

"I can feel how much you want me. I want you too," she said softly as she slowly started to unbuckle my pants while I remained powerless to stop her. I stood there stiffly as she worked to undo my pants while I thought of every reason why I should not be doing this and every reason always centered back to Bella.

"It's not like you have a girlfriend or anyone waiting on you," she purred to me in a teasing manner as I felt her warm hand slip into my boxers and grasp my hard cock causing me to gasp at the sensation of it.

Erin's words hit home. I did not have a girlfriend. I had a fuck buddy that I had no real obligation to, who was most likely fucking the guy she was love in with while I was stuck here, thinking of her. I pulled Erin close without another thought and decided to go with the feeling of it instead of worrying about a girl who wasn't mine to begin with.

Erin laughed at my reaction and soon my pants were on the floor as I stepped out of them. I let go of her just long enough to strip myself of my shirt and tie so that I would be bare to her touch. Erin followed suit and quickly discarded her lacey lingerie that adorned her alluring body.

She pushed me back towards her couch until I was forced to sit down while Erin slowly sat down upon my lap, putting her wet pussy against my thigh so I could feel her heat there. We kissed and as our tongues tangled for dominance it felt wrong so I soon pulled away, but that did not deter Erin she moved her kisses down by neck and chest until she had sunk to her knees in front of me.

I watched her stroke my hard cock with a smirk as she looked at me.

"You are perfect and I cannot wait to feel you inside me," she purred as she leaned forward and licked the tip of my cock. I groaned at the contact of her hot tongue against me, until I felt her engulf me in her hot mouth.

I sighed as she licked and sucked my dick, but it wasn't what I wanted. I wanted to fuck. I wanted to pound into her. I wanted to hear her scream my name in pleasure. I wanted to be in control of something since the rest of my life felt so out of control.

I pulled her up and smiled as I felt and heard the popping sound of the suction break that she had on my cock, causing me to groan once more.

"Condom?" I managed to ask her through gritted teeth. I watched as she squealed in delight at my request. For a flicker of a second my brain warned me that by doing this, by fucking my assistant, I was in fact over stepping boundaries. They were boundaries that Bella and I had agreed upon as we discussed our arrangement shortly after it started one night.

_"Just promise me that if you ever want another woman that you will tell me first, ok?" Bella whispered as she sat on my lap with the most serious look on her beautiful face. I could see in that instant what the fuckhead Cullen had truly done to her. He had made her doubt her worth by being with another outside of Bella._

_ "I mean, I know that we are not together, together and it's ok if there ever is someone that you want to pursue, but please just tell me first since I don't ever want to play second best to anyone ever again," she whispered in a pained voice as she looked into my eyes. Her eyes were so dark and they always made me feel like I could get lost in them._

_ "I promise, Bella. I promise," I whispered back before capturing her lips with mine._

"Here," Erin said as she thrust a condom in its wrapper in my hand with a gleeful smile. I hesitated for a moment while holding the condom in my hand as I thought of that promise I made to Bella two years ago. Her words before I left to come here, started to ring in my head like a warning bell. _Remember what you promised. _

My hesitation spurred Erin into action as she took the condom from my hand and tore it open. The sound of the wrapper being ripped open pulled me back into the moment. I felt her hand take hold of me as she slowly slid the condom down my length.

"You have no idea how long I have wanted this," she whispered in a sexy tone that made my hard cock twitch in her hands as she petted me slowly, keeping me hard and ready as I stood there like a scared virgin with his first woman.

It was now or never as I stood there ready to pounce on Erin to fuck her hard and just as I started to reconsider my actions, Erin pulled me close and started to press kisses against my chest in a teasing manner. It was all it took to remind me that I was here, with a willing woman who wanted me and me alone. She was not imagining another man as I entered her. It was me that she wanted and that was enough for the moment.

I grabbed Erin and walked her over to her couch as I bent her over the back of it while she moaned yes, telling me that this was her favorite position. I looked at her, bent over waiting for me before I slowly guided myself inside her with a moan from her as I did so. She was hot, wet, and just already right there on the edge waiting for me to push her over into an orgasm. Once I was fully inside her I paused just for a minute to regroup so I would not lose control too quickly, which caused her to sigh almost in frustration.

I slowly pulled out and then I began to pound into her body. It was easy to get lost in the sensation of sex. The hot, wet friction that called to me, pushing me further towards my release was overwhelming as I reached around and tweaked her clit, causing her to jump against me as she came while I was inside of her. It was her release that was starting to trigger mine and as it did I grabbed her by her the hips, angling them so I was hitting deep inside her, causing her to scream in pleasure until I finally could not hold back any longer. I felt myself rush head long into bliss as I groaned loudly while filling the condom I was wearing before collapsing upon her.

I started to slowly come down from my sex high and as I did I could hear Erin's voice telling me how amazing it was and how she wanted to go again. It was then that I realized what I had done. I could hear Bella and her words ringing over and over again in my head.

_Just promise me that if you ever want another woman that you will tell me first, ok?_

_ Remember what you promised._

I instantly felt sick to my stomach as pushed myself off of Erin with shaky hands. I could hear her still going on about how she was going to take me to her bedroom and show me some of her toys, but all I wanted to do was to get out of there.

Once I was steady on my feet I grabbed my pants off the floor and turned quickly to go to the bathroom, leaving Erin naked and calling after me as I left. My stomach continued to roll as Bella's words seemed to mingle with the mental images of me fucking Erin against her couch. I barely made it to her bathroom before I started to throw up.

"Are you ok?" Erin called through the closed bathroom door as I gasped to find my breath while my stomach still clenched in a dry heave. I was far from ok. I had broken my promise to Bella.

Once I felt like I could possibly stand without throwing up again I stood up and looked at myself in the mirror. I took note of the bags under my eyes and then noticed that the used condom was still attached to me. I peeled it off and wrapped it in tissue to toss in the trash while I thanked my baser self for at least having the common sense and the foresight to wear a condom.

"Do you mind if I clean up a bit?" I called out to Erin in a voice that sounded strange even to my own ears.

Once I got her ok I pulled out a wash-cloth and scrubbed myself as if I was trying to get rid of the evidence, but there was no taking back what I just did. I had fucked Erin and basically myself in the process since if Bella found out that I had broken my promise we were done. I knew this since the night that she made me promise that there would be no others was the same night that she told me if I couldn't be man enough to tell her that I wanted another woman then I wasn't man enough for her. My heart hurt at the idea of not having Bella.

I got dressed quickly and then cursed myself for not grabbing my other clothes since now I would have to walk out there to get them without my shirt on.

"There you are," Erin purred as she walked up to me with a smile that made my stomach roll again. She looked amazing with her face tinged pink and her hair wild from our fucking. She was still naked and her movements caused her breast to sway in a seductive manner as she approached me.

I felt her arms snake around me and pull me close as I attempted to walk by her.

"I was thinking that we could go back to the bedroom and I could show you how much I loved working for you," she purred to me as she trailed her fingers along my bare chest. I felt a little sick at her touch.

"Sorry Erin, but I have to go now," I said softly as I untangled myself from her as I took a step back.

"Can't you take a later flight?" she asked me as I continued to walk in search of my shirt.

"No, this is the latest flight back," I said simply as I stopped and grabbed my shirt from the floor where I had tossed it.

"Well, then can't you go back tomorrow? I wanted to spend more time with you," she said as I turned to look at her. Erin had a sly look on her face as she smirked at me. She was now sitting on the arm of her couch with her legs open, showing me herself in an inviting manner.

"Erin, I wish I could, but I have to go," I said as I buttoned up my shirt in a hasty manner. I needed to get out of there before I did anything else stupid.

"Are you sure?" she asked as she slowly trailed her hands down her silky skin until she reached her exposed pussy. I watched as her fingers glided down her wet skin in a teasing manner. My body instantly reacted since I had always found it to be exciting as hell to watch a woman touch herself.

I suddenly wasn't so sure any more. I knew I needed to leave. I knew that if I didn't, I would fuck this woman. I would take her back to her bedroom and be with her. I knew this, but I also knew that Bella would never forgive me. The thought of Bella leaving me over this action caused my chest to ache.

"Sorry Erin, I have to go," I managed to say as I slipped on my socks as I looked for my shoes. I needed to get out of here. Once I was dressed I politely thanked Erin, who by now had figured out that I was running. She had slipped on a robe and was holding it closed with clenched hands. She only nodded at me and I could see her embarrassment all over her lovely face.

"I will call you once I am in Seattle," I said as I made no move to touch her. She looked up at me and I could see her eyes. They were watery as if she was holding back from crying. I had done this to her. I was treating her like some common whore, thanking her for her services, but there was nothing I could do about it now since the deed was done. If I stepped forward and pulled her close for an embrace she would think I was interested in her. That would be just as bad as leading her on since I was not really interested in Erin outside of fucking her some more. It was a no win situation for her and so I chose to leave with a simple good bye knowing that I was the dick that hurt her.

I raced to my car and headed for the airport. I needed to get out of here. At the airport I discovered that the flight had been delayed so I was forced to wait. It was during that time that I found Tyler sitting there, waiting as well. Apparently he too had changed his booking and will now be on the same flight as me. So much for efforts at avoiding Tyler.

I looked at him, unsure if I wanted to approach him or not after our so called conversation today. He looked up at me just as I was about to turn to leave.

"Hey, man, sit down," he said as he gestured towards the seats around him. Since I had nowhere to go I sat down and waited. We both were silent as we sat there. It was a heavy silence, one filled with dread.

My mind raced in the silence as I sat there. I thought about Bella and as I did I felt sick. I felt like I had cheated on her somehow, even though that wasn't really true. I thought about her laugh and her smile. I thought about how much brighter my days are when I am with her, or just around her. I thought about how I miss her when she isn't with me at night. I thought about how I wanted her and needed her to be with me. I thought of her quirky personality and her sense of humor. Bella was amazing and I was a dick who just fucked some other girl.

We finally were able to board the flight and as we did I caught Tyler watching me. He looked at me as if he knew what I had done. I was sure it was just my guilty conscience playing tricks on me until he took the seat next to me with a tired sigh.

"You went to Erin's place," he said simply. It wasn't a question. It was a statement and a loaded one at that. Erin was known at the office as being a bit of a lawyer chaser. He knew all too well that she had a reputation of sleeping with the firms young male lawyers. Hell, it had been Mike that told me that Erin was known for lack of morals and her blow job skills, so it was obvious that Tyler would know all of this as well.

I felt myself go red in embarrassment over my actions as well as to realize that now Tyler knew. He continued to look at me, but said nothing. I could feel his judgment towards me as we sat there while the plane took off.

We did not speak for the rest of the flight and soon we were landing in Seattle. Tyler waited with me as I watched for my luggage since he had gotten his bag immediately. We had agreed through our limited conversation that we would share cab back to the hotel.

We started to walkout toward the exit when I noticed her. There in the middle of the terminal stood Bella. She was wearing what looked like her normal bed clothes. She looked rumpled and so fucking beautiful that my chest ached at the sight of her.

I stopped walking and looked at her. I was amazed that in under the two weeks that I had been gone that I had somehow forgotten how breath taking she was. How could I have forgotten that?

My eyes locked with hers and as they did I watched a huge smile cross her face, forcing me to smile as well. I watched as Bella started to run towards me as if my slow pace was not fast enough for her. Once she reached me she threw her arms around me and hugged me tight against her. In that instant I felt like I was home.

"What are you doing here? I told you to stay at Rose's and I would go there" I managed to say as my heart pounded in my chest with excitement. Bella was here for me and I was the luckiest fucker on the planet.

"I just…I just missed you," she whispered as she moved just enough to look me in the eyes as she spoke. Her words were like a knife in my heart, cutting and searing me deeply as I felt my betrayal of this amazing woman burn through my body like a wild fire. I had fucked her over. The one person I had promised never to hurt, I had. I knew I had to fix this. I knew that I could fix this. I could not tell her and she would never know.

I leaned down to kiss her, but she stopped me. Fear coursed through my veins like ice water as I looked at her and I could see doubt in her eyes.

"I…Well, I hate to ask, but did you…?" Bella started to ask me nervously then stopped suddenly as she looked at me with embarrassment. She was going to ask about Erin. I had told her I was having dinner with Erin. She was going to ask if I had fucked Erin and my first instinct was to deny it.

"Did I what?" I asked her teasingly while inside I felt the dread of knowing that I would lie to her if she asked me point blank if I had been with Erin. Bella said nothing, but instead surprised me by pulling me close for a soft kiss that made me groan. I had forgotten in those two weeks how soft her lips were and how sweet she tasted.

I heard Tyler approach causing Bella and I to end our kiss as he started to tease her like he always did. I looked over at him and he gave me a knowing look. I could see the disgust on his face and he was right. I was disgusting. I had just hours before been inside of Erin and now I was kissing Bella as if it was nothing, as if she was nothing to me.

I watched as Bella turned to go, motioning us to follow. While her back was turned away Tyler grabbed my arm in a tight hold as he stepped closer to me.

"If you don't tell her, I will," he whispered in a menacing fashion before shoving me away from him with a hard push. I stumbled and then regained composure enough to take hold of Bella's hand as we walked out to the car all together.

I could feel Tyler's eyes on me as we walked. I knew him well enough that he was a man of his word, so I would have to come clean to Bella about what happened with Erin. I squeezed Bella's hand with mine as I felt the clock starting to tick away the minutes I had until the truth was known.

**AN:**

**Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed this Riley POV even though parts of it were a little hard to take. **

**I want shout out a special thanks to Icarustosun for being the most amazing beta out there. She makes the story better and that is no lie!**

**Take care,**

**Mamasutra**

**xxoo**


	12. Chapter 12

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

The weeks leading up to Thanksgiving were long. Riley had gone back to California to try to wrap up some of his cases and I was stuck in hell here in Seattle, living with Rosalie and Emmett against my will. Rose had basically guilted me into staying with them the night she discovered that I was here in Seattle. I hated being there. Emmett and Rose were just too happy of a couple, they made me sick.

She had showed up at Riley's hotel room door after checking my room to see if I was there. We spent half the night talking while Riley slept peacefully. Rose was pissed that Edward knew I was here before her, but I explained that it was just dumb luck, nothing more, nothing less, even if I did find it a bit odd that he told her about me at all. I would have thought that after how Rose had treated him that my name would be the last thing he would say to her.

It was these turn of events that led to me walking alone out to my rental car to head back to Rose's place. It was dark and cold out so it was only adding to my odd feelings of despair. I missed the warmth of California. I missed the sun. I missed Riley.

As I walked I felt myself go on alert as I rushed along the dim lit path to the parking lot. I could feel someone watching me. It was unnerving and made me sick to my stomach. I looked around casually, but I could not see anyone, even though I knew someone was there. I found myself picking up the pace to reach my car as I got in, I quickly locked the doors for safety. I looked around once more before I left, all the while cursing Seattle and Tanya for insisting that I come back.

Emmett and Rosalie tried to be great hosts. They gave me a key to come and go as I pleased, so I did, but it wasn't the same. Rose cooked and cleaned, all I had to do was just show up, eat, sleep and shower before starting the next day, but it did not make being back here any easier. I was constantly on edge. I knew that at any minute Edward could show up, since after all I was at his brother's house. I would hear the door bell and jump every time as I knew it could be him.

I wasn't sure why I was reacting that way. I mean, I wasn't scared of him. I knew he would never physically harm me. Edward may be an ass, but he wasn't violent. He never purposely hurt me, any bruises I received from him was from him holding me too tight when we made love combined with the fact that I bruise too easy and if I was being honest I would have to say that at the time I liked seeing the fingertip shaped bruises on my arms or hips after we were together. To me, those bruises were the only proof I had that he had been with me at all since to everyone else's knowledge he belonged to another, but I knew the truth or at least I thought did, since I had believed the truth was that he belonged to me. It was funny how wrong I was.

All my fears were unfounded since Edward had not shown up as of yet, but I knew it was coming. I knew he wanted an answer as to why I left him, left Seattle, left everything that reminded me of him behind. I couldn't understand why he could not see that I could not stay here and watch him be married to _her._ I had once told him shortly before his wedding that I could not sit back and watch him be married to a woman I knew he didn't love no matter what he said about her. I asked him if he was willing to watch me be with another man and Edward's response was that he would destroy any man that came near me. He was always funny like that. What was good for him was not always good for me according to Edward, but I tried not to think about that.

Since I was trying to avoid Edward I would spend most of my time avoiding being at Rosalie's which made for late nights at the office and late nights at the office were never fun without Riley. I would spend those nights working and talking with Riley on speaker phone since he was still working at our old office. We'd talk about the day's events and speculate as to what Tanya had up her sleeve. Ever since that time when we had walked in on Tanya, she had kept her door closed and it only unnerved me. Something was going on and I had no idea what it was.

The couple of nights leading up to Riley's arrival back home were a waste. Tanya had me over scheduled and over worked. I was spending my nights meeting potential clients. There were all these people who had discovered that I was back in town and wanted me to represent them in their divorce. I think that my so called fame helped in attracting clients since some women asked more about my interactions with whatever star that I represented instead of telling me details of their marriage that they wished to dissolve. It made for long nights since I was stuck in pretentious hell with them instead of curled up in bed with my cell phone pressed to my ear talking to Riley while eating ice cream. I would get home after the meeting and see the missed calls from Riley waiting for me. I would try to call him back, but my calls would only go to voice mail.

When I was not smoozing new clients, Tanya had me out with her introducing me to Seattle's most powerful women. She had me joining organizations and signing up to host events. It was overwhelming and not to mention it represented everything that I had hated about Edward's life since it was all so fake, but I had no choice but to be part of it if I wanted to advance through the ranks of Seattle's elite as Tanya suggested. I would smile and nod as people were introduced just like I was supposed to; however, in my mind I was anywhere, but here. I wrapped up my nights alone with my phone and a quick message to Riley to say hello.

I counted down the days until Riley returned and even though he was not staying with me at Rosalie's house I still needed to see him. It was hard though. The last few days of his trip was all hit and miss for us. I missed his calls and he was missing mine. It was horrible and the missed calls just made me feel worse, but it was unavoidable with all that Tanya had me doing. I could not get out of work and neither could he so we were forced to endure this separation the best we could.

On Riley's final day in California I was beyond giddy until I realized that he was going out with his personal assistant Erin that night before he left. It made me feel uneasy, as if something was off with us as we talked before he left with her for dinner. He seemed distant, almost cold as we spoke. He never really told me when he would be back in Seattle, just that it was the red eye flight.

I wasn't dumb. I knew Erin. I knew about her reputation and I knew that she wanted Riley. She wanted to add him to her list of conquests since the girl was looking to marry up by landing herself a lawyer. I guess no one ever told her guys never marry the whore.

I tried not to dwell on Riley out with Erin, but I could not help it. I spent the rest of that long evening wondering if Riley would be with her, have sex with her or whatnot.

I mentally chastised myself for being so concerned about it since Riley and I hadn't really set up rules for our 'friends with benefits' deal that we had going. He could date another, fuck another and if I didn't like it I guess I could just end it with him, but the thought of losing him made my chest hurt just a little. I tried not to picture him with Erin since I knew she was his type. She was blonde, perky, `probably was a cheerleader since most days I wanted to kill her for her positive attitude.

Every different scenario of them together ran through my mind for the rest of that night until I found myself leaving Rosalie's house to pick Riley up at the airport as a surprise since his red eye flight would be landing soon. I found myself standing at the mostly deserted corridor waiting for him as I watched other travelers straggle by as if they were half asleep.

I waited for what seemed like forever and just as I was about to give up, believing that Riley had just stayed in California over night, most likely with Erin, he appeared. I watched him walk closer; pulling his suitcase behind him, while checking what appeared to be his phone. I could not stop myself; I started to walk closer as I felt a smile come across my face.

Riley finally looked up and saw me approaching him which caused him to laugh out loud as his tired face smiled in delight at me for being there. I ran to him and once I reached him I threw myself at him in a tight hug.

"Bella, what are you doing here? I told you to stay at Rose's and I would go there," he said as he held me close. I knew what he had said. He had told me to stay home, that he would come to me in the morning, but after spending all day thinking of him I needed to see him.

"I just…I just missed you," I managed to say as I looked into his blue green eyes that were shining down at me with a happy smile.

"I missed you too," he replied back simply and then pulled me back in for another hug. I pressed my face into his chest and could only smell his aftershave, which for some reason seemed to calm me and yet set me on fire at the same time.

Riley pulled back from me and I knew it was to kiss me, so I stopped him since all at once I could see him with Erin again in my mind.

"What is it? What's wrong?" he asked me, surprised that I had stopped him at all.

"I…Well, I hate to ask, but did you…?" I started to say and as the words left my mouth I realized how dumb it sounded. I had no holds on him and he could do as he pleased.

"Did I what?" he asked me as a cute confused look settled in over his features. I found myself terribly embarrassed and just could not ask him if he had been with Erin so I played it off as nothing and pulled him in for a soft kiss, which he greedily responded to.

We were kissing softly when I heard someone clear their throat next to us. We pulled apart to find Tyler standing there with a tired grin on his face.

"Bella, you seem eager tonight," he teased and then yawned with a laugh as I flicked him off. Tyler always enjoyed teasing me. I watched as Tyler and Riley exchanged nervous looks before turning back to me. I had no idea what was going on, but at the moment I didn't care, I was just glad to have Riley back.

Riley firmly took my hand before walking us out of the airport to my waiting car. While we walked I got to hear all about California and what I had missed while I was here. It did not escape my attention that he never mentioned his dinner with Erin and I never had the courage to ask him about it.

Tyler spoke of rapping up cases and that it would probably be Mike and I up next to go. I nodded my head in agreement as Riley quickly jumped in, announcing that if I went back he would go with me to help out. There was no need for him to help, I could do it on my own, but I did not argue with him, I just nodded my head in agreement to appease him for the time being.

We drove back to their hotel since I had no intention of going back to Rosalie's for the night now that I was with Riley. He asked me if I had seen Edward in a somewhat nervous manner, to which I told him no. I hadn't seen him since he was outside of my hotel room. I looked over at his face and found that his expression seemed to be one of surprise and confusion. I don't know why he would have thought that I would have been in touch with Edward. He knew how I felt about him.

Riley led me to his room after we said good-night to Tyler and then kissed me in a very chaste manner as we stood by his bed before declaring that he needed a shower to wash off all the road grime from traveling. I took his shower as an opportunity to undress and get into bed to wait for him.

I waited for what seemed like eons until I finally fell asleep since Riley was taking forever in the shower. I remember him getting into the bed and holding me close. I remember his soft kisses on my neck and mumbled words of an apology, but that was all I remember of his homecoming night.

The morning greeted us and as it did my phone went off. It was Rose looking for me since I never came back home that night. Once I said I was with Riley she said a quick goodbye and hung up. Rose was always hoping that there would be something more between Riley and me than friendship and great sex. She was always pushing for it and telling me what a great guy Riley was, as if I did not know that already.

I lay back down on the bed and the instant I did I felt Riley wrap his arms around me and pull me close. I smiled as I felt him place soft, open mouth kisses against my bare shoulders since I had fallen asleep naked waiting for him last night.

"Do you know how absolutely beautiful you are in the morning?" he whispered against my skin as he continued to kiss my back, causing goose bumps to break out over my skin. I laughed at his words since I knew I looked wretched in the morning.

I rolled over and met his gaze. His eyes looked playful and yet there was a look of remorse in them that surprised me a bit.

"What is wrong?" I asked him as I brought my hands up to cup his handsome face. I smiled as I felt his whiskers against my skin since I loved it when he was a little scruffy.

My words seemed to pull him out of whatever funk he was in since he just shook his head at me and then leaned closer for another kiss, except this time it was on the mouth.

Our lips met and as he pulled me close I could feel him hard against my thigh through his boxers. I moaned at the feeling. It had been a couple of weeks since we had last been together and I was dying from hunger for him.

"This should have happened last night. I am sorry I fell asleep," I whispered as he moved his lips to kiss along my jaw. I felt his whole body stiffen at my words for a brief moment and then he started to kiss me once more, all the while whispering that he liked mornings better anyway.

We lay there kissing softly, slowly, letting the burn of want start to build. It was like a fire in my belly as I pulled Riley closer, wanting to taste his skin and feel him everywhere on me.

When the fire in my veins became too much I tried to roll him over since I had decided that I would taste him. I would take him in my mouth and lick and suck his cock until he would scream my name, but Riley stopped me.

"No, I want you," his whispered as he held me on the bed, basically pinning me there with his weight. I smiled in delight as Riley slowly, but methodically kissed and sucked his way down my body. He played with each breast, licking, sucking, teasing me until I was panting his name and trying to grind myself into his thigh that rested between my legs.

Riley kissed and licked down my body until he was settled between my legs, promising to worship me with his mouth, but I am already gone. I needed him inside of me. I needed him to take me.

I wiggled against him as I tugged on his hair.

"Please, Riley," I whispered as I tried to pull him up to me, knowing that he would not refuse me if I begged. I listened with a smile as he groaned in frustration before moving up my body to position himself between my legs.

Slowly, ever so slowly, Riley pushed inside of me. We both moaned in delight as he slowly stretched me with his girth and my legs instantly wrapped around his narrow hips, pulling him in deeper on their own accord as all the air gushed out of his lungs with this action.

Once he was fully inside me, he stilled for a moment as if he was savoring the feeling, but I was in no mood for savoring or holding back. I wanted him and I wanted him now. I wanted to feel his body moving against me, and inside of me. I wanted to feel his skin sliding against mine and his hot breath on my face as he panted hard from the exertion of our coming together. I wanted to hear him moan as if I was the only girl in the world that could bring him to such heights. I wanted it all.

"Please," I whispered in his ear as his face was pressed into my neck, breathing me in as he filled me. I heard his incoherent mumble as he responded against my skin before he slowly started to move within me.

I closed my eyes at the sensation as he hit every nerve, every pleasure spot that I had with his slow thrust. When I opened my eyes I found his face still pressed into my skin and then he moved so he was balanced more above me, watching me with an intense look that shocked me a little.

Always, when we made love Riley was playful, teasing even, but never ever serious. I smiled at him as I brought my hands up to rub along his broad shoulders.

"Missed you," I managed to say as my breath was taken away once more by his movements. I watched as a slow smile spread over his face, but he never spoke, instead he leaned down, never breaking his slow rhythm and kissed me in a passionate manner that told me that he missed me as well.

W e moved slowly together like his, holding each other as he filled me while it increasingly drove me mad with need. Finally, whatever wall within Riley that was holding him back broke and his movement increased. He shifted and pulled my legs up so that they were resting against his shoulders while tugging at my hips so they were suspended in the air by his hands as he thrust hard in me. The sensations were incredible, but they were giving me odd flashbacks of my time with Edward since I could feel his desperation as he pounded into me, as if he was trying to claim me there on his hotel room bed. Edward had always tried to conquer or claim me.

When my mind drifted to Edward it was as if Riley could sense it and suddenly leaned down, turning my body into a human pretzel so he could kiss me out of my reprieve of the past.

"Me, Bella, focus on me," he whispered in a ragged tone against my lips as his eyes locked with mine in a surprisingly demanding look. It was this look combined with the sensation of him inside me that sent me over the edge. I felt my body spiraling out of control as the bliss took over and finally I succumbed to the orgasm that had been building since Riley had kissed me that morning.

Riley continued to thrust into me as I lost control until his thrusts became harder and more erratic. When I could finally open my eyes once more I looked up to see his face contorted in a cross between pleasure and pain until finally he came, thrusting hard as he filled me with what was left of his aggression.

I smiled as he moved my legs without ever leaving my body so that he could collapse on top of me as if he was too spent to move. I loved it when he was like this. I felt his harsh breathing start to slow just as mine did and then he surprised me. Typically Riley would lay there with me, hold me, or maybe would whisper his plans for the day, but this time he turned slightly and captured my lips with his for a sweet, yet passionate kiss.

"I…I…I just…" he stammered as he looked into my eyes as he broke our kiss. I could feel his frustration and I could see his confusion in his eyes as he looked at me.

"What is it?" I whispered as I ran my hands down his back, feeling his muscles as they grazed his skin.

"I just…I missed you Bella," he finally said with a sour looking face that surprised me, but I let it go since he wasn't acting like himself. I blamed it on being apart for two weeks.

Riley convinced me to stay in bed with him all day since it was a Saturday. He reminded me that we could take a Saturday off every once in a while and that he just wanted to be with me so how could I say no to that?

"I was thinking…" he whispered as he held my body close to his while kissing my shoulder softly.

"Well, that can be very dangerous," I teased as I pressed back against him, and bit back a moan as I felt him hard and ready against the small of my back. Riley suddenly moved and I found myself flat on my back with his body braced above me. His green blue eyes searching mine with such a tender look as he held himself off me.

"Bella, move in with me," he whispered softly as he looked at me with such an earnest look that my heart stuttered in my chest.

"Riley, I…" I started to say, but he silenced me with a hard kiss. His lips tasted like my skin.

"Bella, we are good together. We could be more you know…" he stammered as his skin pressed against mine. I could feel the heat and want from his words. I could see the honesty in his eyes with his statement and it felt like the walls were closing in on me over it.

"We could have more, together," he said as he shifted so that he was resting on his elbow. His now free hand was slowly tracing over my cheek.

"I…" I stammered once more as I watched his face fall and then quickly he recovered so that he was wearing an emotionless mask that made my heart ache to look at.

"Think about it Bella, please," he said softly and then leaned in for a kiss. His hand started to roam and as it did my body responded immediately with all the fire and want that he could possibly handle.

Riley played my body like a finely tuned instrument that was designed just for his hands while my mind wandered away in thought. I could not believe that he was asking me to live with him. This was such a change. We had agreed that maybe after we made partner that we would consider going public, but not one day before the announcement was made.

Yes, Tanya said we would both be partners and that put us at ease, however, it wasn't enough for me yet. I wanted more. I wanted proof that it would happen.

"Me, Bella. Focus on me," I heard Riley whisper to me as he kissed down my chest before latching on to my nipple, causing me to moan in delight from his touch. I looked at him and could see the slight hurt in his eyes as I was lost in thought while he was trying to bring me pleasure. I smiled at him and focused on him once more as he rewarded my focus with more attention.

We spent the day in his bed, ordering room service while making love to horrible old movies on cable. It was blissful and exactly what we needed after our time apart, even though it was slightly marred by his request to live with me. Riley even managed to keep me there all Sunday as well, but the days of rest and pleasure could not last forever and soon it was Monday so we were back to work.

I was happy to have Riley back in the office, even if it meant that I no longer had any privacy. Riley on the other hand, could not seem to get close enough. He had taken to the idea of campaigning to get me to move in with him nonstop now.

He was not pleased with my answer that I needed time. I told him that I was unsure and that while I was sure we could be wonderful together like he suggested I wasn't sure if I could be everything for him that he needed.

"Bella, you are everything that I need," he would whisper to me in such a seductive manner that it was almost impossible for me not to believe him when he spoke like that.

"Come on Bella, stop being so difficult" he said to me teasingly, pulling me out of my work as I tried to ignore him.

"Live with me. You can't stay with Emmett and Rose forever and you and I make a great team," he said as he threw a pen at me to get my attention. I looked up at him and rolled my eyes as I looked him over.

"Come on, I'll even let you pick out everything for our place," he said in a seductive manner as if promising me the opportunity to decorate a new place would be enough to make me jump at the chance.

"Let me think about it ok?" I said to him for the hundredth time that day as I smiled, but he just shook his head at me in a disbelieving manner. He knew that I was wavering. He knew that I would try to say no.

The last time anyone ever asked me to live with them I said yes too quickly and found myself begging a landlord to let me out of an overpriced lease, so sue me if I was a little on the cautious side now. Riley knew this about me, yet he persisted all the same. He was in the middle of another one of his rants concerning pressuring me to live with him when I figured out how to stop his ranting.

"Riley, if you can tell me why you want me to move in with you so badly, then I will say yes," I said simply as I sat at my desk with an expectant look on my face. I watched as Riley froze. His face went red and then blank of emotion. He stuttered for a moment before I saved him by announcing that his response was what I thought it would be so until he could tell me in clear and precise words, it was a solid no on moving in together.

The days continued on and as they did we were terribly close to Thanksgiving. I was lucky this year since I had thought ahead concerning my parents. I had arranged for them to go on a second honeymoon to celebrate their thirty years of marriage in Jamaica. It was brilliant on my part since they would be gone and I would not have to deal with mom's banter about when I would allow Riley to knock me up. Riley, however, did not take my advice to send his parents away which had resulted in me being invited for dinner which I politely refused only to end up agreeing to coming over for pie and then staying the weekend as the Biers family put up their Christmas tree.

Rosalie had invited me to stay for Thanksgiving, but I knew she was going to the Cullen's house as she typically did so I declined it as well. It wasn't until later that I was told that they would be coming to her house for pie so unless I wanted a quick reunion with the rest of the Cullen's I would need to be gone by five at night on Thanksgiving. It was at moments like that I hated being their house guest so much that moving in with Riley was starting to look like a good idea.

The day before Thanksgiving Tanya called Mike, Tyler, Riley and I into her office. I had been dreading this meeting since she insisted that we stay in this horrible town. I looked over at Riley and found him watching me as well. Our eyes met just for an instant. It was comforting.

"I know that some of you are not happy about being back here and I am sorry about that, but it is necessary," Tanya said as she smoothed her hair back in to the soft bun that she was wearing as she looked over at me with a knowing look.

"I am going to be straight with you. You all are making partners," she said in a serious voice. The room was silent as she paused. We all were making partners. My heart started to pound in my chest at her words. I was going to be a partner. I felt myself start to smile.

"It has not been made official yet and that is where I am asking you to trust me since I am working out the best deal for all of you as well as myself in this matter. I promise you that your time and talent has not been wasted here," she said as I looked over at Mike who was still smiling at Tanya with a large toothy grin.

Tanya advised that whatever she was working on it would be completed directly after Thanksgiving so in the mean time we needed to keep this information private since there would be a large announcement coming. We all left Tanya's office feeling vindicated for all that we had given up or lost along the way to this point.

"Come over for dinner," I called to Mike and Tyler as well as Riley who was by my side still. I offered to cook a meal in celebration since we had to keep everything so hush hush for the time being. Mike and Tyler both agreed to come while Riley remained silent.

"What's wrong? Don't you like my cooking?"I teased as I poked his side softly, causing him to jump involuntarily.

"You know I love your cooking, I was just hoping…" he said and then trailed off with a shake of his head.

"You were hoping what?" I asked him, unsure of what the hell he was talking about. Riley had been acting strangely since his return from California. It was like there was something on his mind constantly that was distracting him. I kept waiting for him just to tell me whatever it was that was bothering him so badly, but he never would, instead he began to cling to me. It was unnerving to say the least.

"I was hoping it could be just us," he finally said as his handsome face flamed red.

"You could stay the night if you want?" I offered to him so we could spend the night in my bed for a change instead of his hotel room. He claimed that I kept his nightmares away, but I think it was all a lie to be close to me for whatever reason. My offer seemed to appease him enough that he smiled and then walked back to our office where Tyler was waiting for him with a scowl on his face.

"What the hell is going on between those two?" I asked Mike as he approached me while watching Tyler shut the office door on us.

"I'm not sure, doll," Mike said with a tight smile of discomfort as we stood there in the hallway. It was no secret that Tyler and Riley were not especially close, but this seemed odd even for them. We parted ways with a smile and Mike's promise to bring something to drink for our home made celebration that night without another word said about Tyler or Riley.

That night I left work early, taking a morose looking Riley with me to the grocery store to pick up some ingredients and then finally back to Rose's house. He helped me cook and while he did he constantly asked me to move in with him.

"I don't get it Ri, a few weeks ago you were fine with what we had going and now suddenly…" I said, but was cut off by Riley's mouth. He silenced me with a kiss. I felt his arms wrap around me and hold me close.

"I want more," he whispered as he broke our kiss and looked into my eyes with such a serious look that it shocked me. I didn't have time to respond or even dwell on it since Rose entered the kitchen at the very moment and started to tease us for being locked in an embrace.

I parted from Riley, but I could feel his eyes on me as I cooked. We did not have another moment alone since our guests were arriving. I would look over at Riley and find him watching me with a serious look that would make me nervous.

The dinner went well and while we celebrated Em and Rose were none the wiser. They honestly thought that we were just celebrating Tyler and Riley's return.

At the end of the night I walked Mike and Tyler to the door while Riley stayed behind talking with Em.

"Bella, I…" Tyler started to say with a serious look that scared me.

"What is it?' I asked him, waiting to see what he needed to say since he looked so intense about it.

"Be careful," he whispered to me in a disappointed tone as he pulled me in for a hug. I had no idea what I needed to be careful about, but I hugged him back all the same. Tyler seemed upset still, but he left it with that as he let me go to join Mike at his car.

I joined my friends once more and then excused myself for bed, while taking Riley with me. I could see the look of surprise on Emmett's face even though he tried to hide it, as we left the room.

In what was considered my room, I slowly stripped down and then took out the old college t-shirt that I typically wore to bed to slip it on. I could feel Riley watching me as I did this. He had already stripped to his boxers and was in the small double bed waiting for me.

I crawled into bed and was instantly pulled into his embrace. It was warm and comforting as I found myself pressed head to toe against him. I let out a loud sigh of happiness that made him chuckle at me while I closed my eyes in an effort to sleep.

"You know, we could do this every night," Riley whispered to me as he held me there. I knew we could. I had thought about it, but I just wasn't sure if I could do that. I wasn't sure if I was ready for that, for him every night.

"Go to sleep," I whispered to him as I snuggled closer, enjoying his warmth and the smell of his skin. I felt him press a kiss to the top of my head and then held me close.

I tried to drift off; knowing that I would have to wake up bright and early tomorrow, but my mind was racing. I could not stop thinking about Riley and his sudden constant need to get me to move in with him. It wasn't that I hadn't thought about it before. I had thought about it, almost constantly.

It would be easy, just like Riley had said, since being with him always was easy. He was my support and my foundation. He was there when others left and I had not forgotten that.

Sex was another great aspect for us. Our sex life was amazing. There wasn't much that he would not try and he never told me no when I wanted him even though I think my sex drive was higher than his. If we lived together then there would be no need to sneak around for sex. It would just be there like a constant. I wasn't sure if that was good or bad since sneaky sex was always exciting.

My mind refused to settle down as I started to weigh the pros and cons of living with Riley. While the pros of sex and companionship were very nice, the cons were huge. I did not think I could give him what he needed. I could never be the girl that he wished for. I could never be that perfect Stepford wife like woman that he craved. I could never be Bree.

It wasn't just the simple fact that I was not Bree that stopped me from saying yes to his very kind offer. It was also the idea that I wasn't sure I could commit to Riley like that. There was this irrational hope within me that someday I would find someone who would want me for me, not just because I was a decent substitute for who they longed for. It was this irrational hope that kept me believing in love and happy endings of the fairy tale kind. I knew that if I admitted it to Riley, he would most likely laugh at me so I have never said anything about it, but it burns within my soul all the same. It is this hope that keeps me from moving in with him because I know if I do that I am giving up on that hope.

I snuggled closer to Riley's warm body and then slowly drifted off to an uneasy sleep filled with Riley's want for some sort of commitment and Edward's green eyes. It was an odd combination, but that is what filled my mind.

Some where in the middle of the night I awoke to Riley's kisses and his hard cock pressed into my back side. Wordlessly, I rolled over and wrapped myself around him, seeking him sleepily as he tugged my shirt over my head so we would be skin to skin.

"Need you," he murmured in my ear before kissing it, causing me to shiver against him in delight.

Riley slowly covered me with soft kisses before removing his boxers. We made love slowly, in a sleepy fashion that caused me to moan his name over and over again. My moaning seemed to spur him on as I tried to hold him to me with my arms and legs wrapped around him until I finally succumbed to the bliss that I would always find with him while Riley came with a deep thrust inside of me.

We both fell back to sleep wrapped around each other, with Riley still inside of me since I refused to let him move away from me. His arms wrapped around me tightly, as if he was scared to let me go, but I didn't mind at all.

In morning I awoke to find Riley watching me. It gave me a bitter flash back to all the times I would wake up to find Edward watching me with a smile on his face. He would tease me and tell me how I talked in my sleep. When I would ask him what I said he would only tell me that I would say his name. I wondered if I still called for Edward in my sleep. I doubt Riley would tell me if I did.

Since it was Thanksgiving Riley would be leaving by the afternoon to go to his parent's house for dinner. I knew what was coming. He would make one last push for me to come home with him for dinner and I would have to once more watch his face fall as I declined the invite. It was bad enough I would be going there for pie and stay for the weekend, there was no way I could sit through dinner with his parents and his extended family.

We spent the morning in my room, ignoring the sounds of Rose making pies and yelling at Emmett. Riley would slowly and sweetly make love to me as he whispered, almost begging me to agree to move in with him. We had to keep the noise down since I knew that Em was not above listening to us and I was not sure how much I trusted him with my personal life given the fact that he was Edward's brother and still talking with him.

Sometime around ten in the morning Riley and I finally showered and dressed for the day. We walked out of the room and were immediately greeted with a skeptical look from Emmett. Ever since Emmett had found out about Riley and I hooking up the way we did it was pretty obvious that he did not approve of it.

I could see it in the mild looks of disgust whenever he saw us close. I blamed it on him being Edward's brother. After he discovered that I had been sleeping with his brother, when the initial shock wore off over how we had kept it hidden from everyone he told me how perfect Edward and I were together. He would remind me how happy Edward and I had been together. I told him to mind his own fucking business, Edward had made his choice and now I was making mine.

I kissed Riley good bye in an effort to irritate Emmett and then walked into the kitchen to find Rose. She was elbow deep in pumpkin pies as I walked in.

"Well, I see Riley finally let you out of bed," she said with a knowing smirk as I sat down at the table and watched her. She was amazing with her blonde hair pulled back in a ponytail and her stained t-shirt showing the mess that she had created spilled across it.

"Yeah, he'll be back later to get me for the weekend," I said slowly as I watched her stop and pour a cup of coffee for me. She nodded as she handed me the cup.

"You know I hate you being alone today," Rose said softly as she looked away from me. I knew she did not want to see me roll my eyes at her. Being alone was no big deal to me. I had always been alone so this was nothing.

"You could come with Emmett and me, you know," she said as she looked up at me with a smile.

"Esme and Carlisle would be thrilled to have you there and well, Alice would just go insane to see you again. You know, she asks about you every time I see her," Rose said with a smile as she tried to convince me to go. I had to laugh at her since I noticed how she never mentioned Edward.

"While it is a very nice offer I will pass, but please tell everyone I said hello," I replied sweetly as she laughed. She knew the last place I wanted to be was at the Cullen house for Thanksgiving. It would be formal and impressive. Edward would be there and so would his wife. A life time ago, I had been at Edward's side for these holidays while Jess was at her parent's house. I never understood why they didn't spend the holidays together since they were dating, but I never asked since I was always grateful for whatever time I had with Edward.

I remember we would eat and laugh with family. His mom would put extra whipped cream on my piece of pumpkin pie and then I would curl up with Edward for a nap afterwards while the football game blared in the background. They were sweet memories and even now it hurt to think about them since I had always felt at home with him like that.

Rose pulled me back into the present time with a reminder that the Cullens would be over at five so be aware. They would be planning Emmett's thirtieth birthday party. It was hard to believe that Emmett would be thirty and even harder to believe that I was twenty eight.

I nodded that I understood and then watched Rose leave while shouting to me to pull her pies out in an hour since she was off to get dressed. I sat there finishing my coffee as I planned out my day. I had originally planned that I would go to the office and work for a bit, but after a lazy morning in bed with Riley I couldn't bring myself to leave. So, instead I opted to work from home for a change, telling myself that I could better control my time if I stayed here. There was a lot I still had to do as far as work goes for my cases in California and thankfully I could do it without getting on a plane to go there.

I waited around the house, listening to Em complain about wearing a tie on his day off and Rose telling him what store they were going to on Black Friday for Christmas shopping. It was entertaining and very sweet until they both emerged, dressed and ready to go.

I waved them off and then enjoyed the silence that was their house. I would only have a few hours of solitude before they would be back, bringing guests with them. I wondered if Edward would come`. I doubted it since he might know that I was staying here by now considering I knew he was talking to Emmett and I wasn't sure if Emmett would share that information with him.

I set up my lap top and began to work. It wasn't the best way to spend my Thanksgiving, but it would work and at least I would not have to deal with mom. The hours passed and soon I heard my phone off alerting me of a text message. It was Riley.

_Hey babe! Will be there by 6 to pick you up. Got a surprise for you doll!_

I hated surprises and Riley knew this so I could only begin to guess what he had for me. I let my mind wander as I put my work away. It truly could be anything, but my biggest fear was that it would be a mortgage to sign or the perfect apartment to look at since Riley's obsession about me living with him was reaching an all new high.

I had changed for my run when I received a text message from Rose telling me about the change of plans with the Cullens.

_Heads up! We are leaving at five to come home. Edward is here. Thought you should know so can plan your leaving better._

I sent her back a text thanking her for the warning. It was always comforting to know that Rose was in my corner no matter what. I made some changes to my plans after hearing from Rose. I could run a little bit longer than what I had planned and then head back to shower and dress. I could be out of here by half past five to avoid meeting the Cullens. I would just let Riley know to pick me up at the office instead of here and all would be fine.

I left the house and took off running as I thought about my life and where to go from here with it. I had decisions to make. It was comforting to know I would make partner, but I still wanted more. I wanted more than just work. I wanted a life. I wanted to be able to look back when I was at the end of my life and feel like I had it all. It was crazy, I know, but that was what I wanted.

I wanted the great job, the big house, the amazing husband and the perfect kids. I smiled as I realized that I had the great job, now I just needed the other things to fall into place. I continued to run, lost in my head as I dreamt of the future when the clouds broke and a down pour started.

I started to pick up my pace as I ran since rain was coming down in buckets now. I had just turned the corner back towards the house when I slipped on the slick side walk. I tried to stop myself from falling, but it was too late. I crashed head first into the curb, wracking my head on the pavement while breaking my fall with my hands.

The pain shot up my wrist for a brief second as I sat on the ground getting drenched. A nearby runner came over to help me up as I struggled to stand. It was embarrassing and I hated the attention that my fall had gathered, but it only became worse as I watched him pull out his phone and call for an ambulance.

"There is no need," I said to the older gentleman who was on the phone with the emergency services personnel.

"Nonsense! I am a doctor and I can see that you need to have that wrist looked at," the man said as he helped me over to a bus stop covering so that way the rain was no longer falling on us.

I continued to sit there until I finally convinced the man forty minutes later that I had waited for emergency personnel long enough and that I was fine to go home. I could hear his yells that they would be here soon as I took off running again, but I didn't care. I needed to go. I glanced at my watch only to discover that I had wasted nearly an hour waiting there with that man since it was now almost six. I sprinted back to Rose's house and as I did I said a silent prayer that the Cullens would be late.

Rain in late November in Seattle wasn't just rain. It was cold and misery wrapped up in tiny pellets of water. When it hit me it felt like I was being pelted with ice. I ran as fast as I could back to Rose's house, but even then it wasn't enough to stop me from being soaked to the bone and shivering from the cold as I walked in the back door. I had not looked out towards the front to see if the Cullens were there or not since it was my plan, no matter what, just to sneak inside and get dressed to leave without them knowing I had even been there.

I was shaking from the cold as I attempted to walk through the kitchen silently only to slip on my wet feet over the tile so that I fell haphazardly on my ass with a wet splat as I landed. My pride was injured more than my ass as I cried out in frustration from the fall before I realized that I had just lost the silence I would need to get out of this house without any Cullen interaction.

I slowly stood up, wincing as the pain in my ass seemed to radiate out to my back. I started to walk through the door to the living room, knowing that I had no other way to get to my room and yet praying that I could pass by unnoticed by everyone. I quietly kicked off my wet running shoes and silently slipped into the room only to come face to face with a very stunned looking Cullen family. I scanned the room quickly as I cataloged their shocked faces while Rose and Emmett introduced me in an embarrassed tone, as if anyone had forgotten me. My eyes instantly locked with Edward's green ones and I suddenly became self conscious as to being there at that moment.

"Oh my god! Bella Swan!" Alice Cullen squealed in delight as she jumped out of her seat and made a dash towards me. I had not seen Alice since Edward's wedding and that night I was in no mood for small talk so I didn't stay long.

"Hey Alice," I replied with a smile as I stopped her from hugging me with the explanation that I was wet from the rain, not that I could not stand to have her touch me. It wasn't Alice's fault that I fell in love and was used by her ass hole brother, but that did not stop me from dishing out some of the blame her way. I knew it was wrong, but I did it anyway.

"You promised that we would get together and yet I have not seen you or heard from you since…well, Edward's wedding," she managed to say as she looked at me with a disapproving look that made me want to laugh. She looked like an angry child, it was ridiculous.

"I've been busy Alice, as I am sure you have been as well," I said with a firm voice, hoping that it told her without my saying that I would not be pushed or guilted into anything. The Alice I remembered was famous for using guilt to get her way, it was the reason I had been thrown together with Edward in the first place.

"Bella Swan, look at you!" I heard the nasal voice of his fucking wife call to me as if I was interested in anything she had to say. I turned my head slightly and looked at Jess with a fake smile like I had always used with her.

I looked and saw her sitting by Edward and yet they were as far apart as the couch would allow them to be. I wanted to laugh at the space between them since to me it spoke volumes.

_Happy with your choice now, Edward?_

My eyes locked with Edward's for a brief moment but in those few seconds I could see him. I could see the man I loved and I could see he was not happy, not that it mattered anyway. He made his choice and I had made mine.

"You look so…" Jessica trailed off; pulling me back into the present and I braced myself for whatever backhanded compliment her feeble mind was trying to come up with.

"Beautiful," Edward stammered, cutting off his wife and causing the room to go silent. I watched as Jess glared at him with an evil eye before she turned back to me, anger flashing in her eyes now.

"Well, I was going to say different, but you're right sweetheart, she does look beautiful," Jess said with a fake sweetness that made my skin crawl.

In the past when I was just Edward's side thing, mistress, whore, whatever it was that you wanted to call me, I had to put up with Jess and her comments. I would take them and know that later on I would be fucking her fiancé while she complained to anyone who would listen that Edward never touched her. I used to think that fucking her over like that was enough, but now I realize it wasn't.

If she thought that I was the same Bella as I had been she was wrong. I had spent three years away and in those three years I remembered who I was before Edward Cullen came into my life. I had spent three years trying to reinvent myself and so I was not about to allow Jess to try to knock me down now.

"You look….nice as well," I replied in a sweet voice as I gave her my best fake smile as I watched her eyes flash fire at me, displaying her anger, which only made me laugh a little.

Esme took that moment to break into our conversation. She asked about California and the weather, followed up by Carlisle telling me that the office hadn't been the same since I left. I laughed out loud at that statement since I was sure that was the truth, but as I did I looked towards Edward. He was still looking at me with an intense look in his eyes that made me shiver. I remembered that intense look. It was the same one he always had right before he would drag me off to some closed room and kiss me senseless.

I excused myself to shower, but not before I was made to promise that I would come back to talk just as Emmett tried to move the conversation forward by mentioning his birthday as I walked back towards my room.

Once in my room I locked the door. There was no need to leave myself open for any surprise visitors; that was something Edward in the past would have done. I peeled off my wet clothes and walked into my bathroom to shower, but not before I turned on my ihome for music from my ipod so I could block out the sound of the Cullens in the next room.

I stepped in the shower and tried to relax. I needed to relax I had a long night ahead of me since I would be with Riley and his family, which was almost as bad as being here. I was in no mood to deal with Patty or her questions concerning having children with Riley and I knew that was coming. I had caused it with my big mouth and temper. I wondered how Riley was doing, if she was driving him crazy yet.

I thought back to Edward and how he sat on the couch watching me. It was surprising to see him and yet it wasn't. He looked beautiful as always with his imperfect hair and nice jaw. I hated that I was still attracted to him. I hated that looking at him still sent my heart racing. I hated that I could not seem to get him out of my system. It made me weak and I hated being weak.

I took note of the space between him and Jess as they sat there. There was a tension between them that I noticed. There had always been a tension, I had always thought that tension was me, but this time it was clear that I was not the cause and it made the room thick and heavy with it. The sick side of me was happy about it since the last thing I wanted in the three years that we had been apart was for him to be happy. I never wanted him to be happy without me. I wanted him to see how wrong he had been by choosing everything in his world over me.

I dried off and slowly made my way back to my room. I dressed slowly as I watched the clock it was almost six so Riley would be here soon and that thought put a smile on my face. I looked for my phone to text him, warn him that the Cullens were here so he was not walking in ill prepared, but I had left it out in the front room so it would have to wait until I was fully dressed.

I slipped on a clingy black sweater dress that was dressy yet casual since I was going to face Riley's family for dessert. I finished up with a light dusting of makeup follow up with lipstick and mascara while my hair dried in the curlers so that it would have a nice curl to it. Finally, when I was done I slipped on my knee high boots that Riley loved and walked out, leaving my bag on the bed ready to go whenever he would show up to get me.

When I walked out I discovered that I was the topic of conversation between the Cullens. It was Alice talking about all the parties we went to together and how Edward would go along with us.

"Yeah and then there was this time that Edward and Bella wanted to go to a rave," I heard her high pitched voice say with laughter. I listened for Edward, but he was silent.

"Yeah, I remember that as well," I called as I walked into the room. I looked around and found a spot to sit by Rose. She looked at me, almost willing me to play nice with these people, but I shook my head my no. I was done playing nice.

"Yeah, we decided that we would use it for inspiration to help us with that creative writing class," Edward said with a smile that settled in his eyes as he looked at me warmly, knowingly. I could not help but to smile back at him as I thought of that night. It was the start of everything for us.

We had decided that we would go to the rave and we even took ecstasy when we were there. I remember that was the first night that Edward and I actually touched behind the casual friendship touches. We spent the night pressed against each other reveling in the drugs effect of making just a casual touch seem overtly erotic.

That night after we returned to my dorm room we pressed against each other in my tiny bed while Alice slept off the effects of the drug in the bed next to us. It wasn't so much sexual in nature as it was exploratory. I explored his skin and how hard his body was compared to mine. I remember a hazy feeling of bliss that was similar to an orgasm as our skin touched each other.

The next morning we gazed at each other sheepishly as we awoke in each other's arms, but never spoke of it. I can honestly say that was when our relationship changed. After that night I would find reasons to touch Edward. I would hold his hand in class under the desk. I would sit by him, close and press my thigh against his, seeking the rush of pleasure that I felt the night of the rave. I knew he was doing the same thing. He started to place his hand in the small of my back as we walked at times or just outright holding my hand. He spent most nights pressed against me in my dorm room bed. At the time it never went beyond touching like that and I had told myself that I would not let it, but soon just the casual touching wasn't enough.

Looking back I wondered why his sister Alice never said anything about it, our closeness. I wondered why she never questioned us on our behavior, knowing full well that Edward had a girlfriend. She had witnessed our hand holding. She was there at night as Edward stripped to boxers and crawled into my bed to hold me tight against him. She saw it all since we lived in that tiny room together, but said nothing. Maybe it was because she hated Jess and didn't care who knew it? Who knows? Either way she turned a blind eye towards us and maybe that is why we thought we could go further without anyone noticing.

"Well, how sweet!" Jess exclaimed mockingly, effectively pulling me out of my thoughts concerning Edward.

"There I was two hours away, studying my ass off for all those math classes I had to take for my engineering degree while Edward and his friends were taking drugs to write stories," she teased, but I could hear the hard edge in her voice. She was pissed and I didn't care anymore.

"What are you doing with your engineering degree? Do you work?" I asked her with fake concern. I knew that she was just another woman that mooched off her husband for no apparent reason, except that she could.

"I am very active in many different charities," she said as Edward and Emmett both snorted in laughter. Jess turned to glare at them as they laughed. Edward held eye contact with me with a soft smile in his eyes. It was as if he was willing me to understand him somehow, but I had no idea as to what he was trying to say.

"Well, thank goodness you have that degree with all those math classes. It must make giving the proper tip percentage easier," I said sweetly as I watched her fume. Jess could go fuck herself.

"Say, what happened to your boyfriend? You know the one who cheated on you with the red headed girl," she said in a mocking tone that made my blood boil. If she thought that mentioning Jake would upset me then she had forgotten who I was. I never cared about Jake, not the way I cared about Edward, anyway.

"Oh, Jake hasn't been my boyfriend for eight or nine years now, but I hear that he is doing well," I offered with a polite smile. I had no idea where she was going with her conversation, but I also had no doubt that she would get an insult in there somewhere.

"It must have been horrible to have a cheating boyfriend like that," she offered with a sorrowful sigh as her eyes glimmered. I knew she was trying to get me upset, but the joke was on her. She had a very unfaithful boyfriend as well, except she married him like the fool she was.

"Yes, it was pretty horrible. Not all of us are as lucky as you were to have such a faithful boyfriend. You are so blessed," I said with a teasing smile. Fuck her. I didn't care if she knew about Edward and I since that was in the past. I didn't care that I was throwing Edward under the bus to spite her. Jessica Cullen could kiss my ass for all I cared.

I snickered as I watched her glare daggers at me and then turn to give Edward the same look while he ignored her. I knew that look from three years ago. It was the _control your little friend_ look that she used to give him concerning me at times when she thought I was being too sassy with her.

Edward ignored her as I snickered again. His eyes were locked with mine, as if he was daring me to say more. They smoldered and I could see the fire in him as he held my gaze for a moment before giving Jess a blank look of innocence that only made me laugh once more.

I was still smiling about pissing Jess off when Edward's voice surprised me.

"Are you back in Seattle to stay?" he asked me softly. I looked at his handsome face and I could see the hope in his green eyes. If he was upset with my words to Jess he was covering it up well since I could not see anything but hope written all over his handsome face.

"I don't know. Maybe," I offered as I watched the hope fade a bit from his eyes. It was our first conversation that did not include accusations or demands since my return. It felt funny. It was awkward and stiff, especially considering we were being watched by his family.

"I've been watching your career Bella, and I have to say that I knew it all along what a wonderful attorney you would make," Carlisle said as he tried to pick the conversation up from there like he always did. I looked over at Carlisle and smiled as I found his handsome face giving me a warm smile.

Carlisle asked about my cases in California. He asked about the people and who I had represented since I had been on TV countless times now. He really kept the conversation moving along, not allowing a lull or break until there was a loud knock on the door. I watched Rose scurry off to get it while I prayed like hell that it would be Riley since I was ready to get out of here. I could not stand another moment of Edward's stare, Jess's huffing and Rose's worried look while Alice babbled on like nothing was going on when to me it felt like the room was ready to explode.

"Are you expecting someone?" Edward asked me in a tone that let me know that he was watching my reactions. I wasn't surprised. It was just like Edward to keep an eye on me like that.

"What does it matter?" I heard Jess say in an angry tone that I ignored as I looked at Edward. His face was like an angel's as he gazed at me with such a calm expression, but I could see his nerves as he brought a hand up to run through his messy hair as he sat there ignoring Jess. It was just like old times.

"Yeah, Riley is coming to pick me up," I offered to him with a shrug as I watched his eyes darken for a split second, but before he could speak Emmett bellowed that Riley was here. I felt myself go all hot and then cold as anxiety passed over me for some reason. I hated that Riley was walking into this mess, but we would call it even later when I would have to face Bree in some dingy bar in Forks later tonight.

"Ooh, Riley Biers!" Alice exclaimed as she started the conversation back up while Edward scowled at the mention of his name.

"He's hot. How long have you been dating?" she asked me just as I felt an arm wrap around my middle that pulled me up against a very solid body. Riley. I smiled and shook my head at his antics.

"Riley, do you remember Alice Cullen?" I said as I turned just enough in his arms so I could see Riley's smirk as he looked at me. He knew that his actions were irritating to me, but that was not about to stop him now.

"Of course, Alice, how are you?" I heard him ask smoothly without ever letting go of me.

"Ri, sit down," I said in a tired voice as I slowly untangled myself from his grasp just enough to motion him to the empty chair next to Rosalie. Riley moved to sit, taking me with him as he did until I found myself situated on his lap in a very girlfriend like manner. I looked at his handsome face and shook my head at the bright smile he had on his face as he looked at me and I watched him turn towards Edward, who was watching us closely with a scowl on his handsome face. "Oh my god Bella! I was going to give this to Rose and Emmett, but since you're back in town it should go to you. I can always make them another copy," Alice gushed excitedly as she stood up and went through her purse for whatever it was that she was going to give me. I looked towards Edward once more who was ignoring Riley and his tight grip upon my hips, and instead focused only on my face. Our eyes locked for a moment and in that moment I felt exposed like he had seen right through me. It was unnerving.

"Here it is," she said with a sigh as she held out a DVD for me to take. I looked at her suspiciously as I slowly took hold of the DVD. I had no idea what she was giving me and the last time I had a DVD from a Cullen it involved sex with Edward so I was nervous as to what she wanted to share with me.

"God, don't look like I handed you a bag of crap. It's just an old DVD that was taken while we were all in college," she said with a smile that made me smile as well since Alice's smiles were contagious.

"I was going to give it to Em and Rose so we could laugh at how we all were before life became complex, but now that you're back I think it would be a nice homecoming gift for you, you know, a look back at the way we were," Alice said with a soft smile that made me a little sad.

"A way we could be again. I missed you like crazy Bella, and so did Edward. He went about nuts when you left," Alice said with her sad smile and for a moment I actually felt bad about cutting her out of my life. I had missed her. I had missed her crazy laughter and her wild sense of humor. I missed having just a normal girlfriend that was not interested in using me for advancement within the Denali Firm or social status. I hated that she lumped Edward in with her statement, but over all I had missed her too.

"I'll try Al," I whispered to her with a watery smile. I hated that she could get me like this. I hated that she was just another Cullen that seemed to be able to control my moods.

"Put it in," I heard Edward call as I looked at the DVD as if it was a time bomb and in a way it was. I wasn't sure if I wanted to see me back when I was happy and with Edward. I wasn't sure that I could handle it, but before I could protest Alice was up and slipping the DVD into the player on Rose and Emmett's TV.

I sat there frozen in fear on Riley's lap as I felt his fingers dig into my hips as if he was bracing for something horrible as well. The TV screen flickered and then suddenly as if by magic the screen filled with an image of somewhat drunk looking Jasper sitting on my old couch in my old apartment wearing a Santa hat while clutching a beer. I could hear Edward and I bickering in the back ground as the camera panned out, showing us decorating a very sad looking Christmas tree with ornaments as colored lights gleamed.

I sucked in a gasp of air as I sat there transfixed by the images on the screen. I looked at myself and was surprised over how young I looked. I looked like a teenager standing there fighting off Edward who was putting gold icicles in my hair. Edward, well, he looked breath taking as usual. He was laughing and his green eyes just had such a light in them that was missing in his eyes now.

It was odd to watch us like that, decorating a tree and playfully teasing each other. It was like all of this happened a life time ago and I guess it did since we were all so changed now.

I watched as Rose and Emmett appeared with food for us all. I laughed as Edward and Emmett fought over who got the last egg roll and then I watched with held breath as Edward and I slipped away from the crowd like we always did. Typically when we slipped away it was to kiss, or be close without an audience around to witness our actions. I looked over at Edward as if by second nature and found him watching me with a slight smile as well. I wondered if he remembered our sneaking away as well.

On the screen Alice announced that she was going to check on us since she saw us sneak off back to my room. I felt myself stiffen in fear since if she opened the door she could be walking in on anything. I scanned my memory to see if I could remember a time that Alice had caught us kiss, but honestly I could not remember and who's to say she would have said anything either.

I was in a near panic, unable to tear my eyes away from the screen as the shaky camera followed down the hall to my room where the door was open. I was biting my lip in nervousness as the camera closed in on Edward and me lying on my bed together. Our bodies were close and I was pointing at the ceiling. The video did not pick up our conversation, but I knew what we were talking about without hearing our words. We had to be talking about the stars painted on my ceiling.

I had always had glow in the dark stars on my bed room ceiling. Edward had teased me about it; secretly I knew that he liked their glow as well. I used to spend nights wrapped around him pointing out the constellations and then telling him their stories. It was one of those nights that Alice had captured on this DVD.

On the screen I watched as I told Edward the stories while he pressed closer to me, watching me, with a bright smile on his face. I could see the happiness in his features and his teasing smile as he watched me closely. The camera panned back out, but not before showing him pulling me closer to him so that I could rest my head on his arm like a pillow.

It was uncomfortable to watch us be that close. It was putting us on display in a way and I hated that. I glanced over at Edward who just looked back at me with an unreadable look just as I felt Riley squeeze my hips once more before announcing that he would get my bag so we could leave.

"Do you still have them?" Edward asked me suddenly causing me to jump as I stood up off of Riley's lap. I wasn't sure what he was speaking of so I had to ask him what he meant.

"Do you still have the stars on your bedroom ceiling?" he asked in a soft voice with a smile as he looked only at me. It was like we were having a private conversation, as if the others there in the room watching us did not matter at all.

"Yes, back in California I do, but not here. I am just a guest here," I managed to say as I got lost in his eyes as we stared at each other. I did not tell him that I put them up in California because they reminded me of him. I could not tell him that nor could I tell Riley, even though I am sure he had guessed that much.

I watched as Edward nodded at me while Riley disappeared to the guest room for me. I spoke to Alice, making plans to get together. I hugged Esme good bye with the promise that we would do lunch. I even managed to give Jess a hug, who whispered to me how happy she was that I was back. I wondered if she had hit the wine too hard before I had arrived for her to think that. I never touched Edward or even come close to touching him. Edward watched me instead, just like he had in the past, as if he was just as scared to touch me as I was to touch him.

Riley appeared finally and Emmett walked us out with a few parting words. I could feel their eyes on us as Riley put my bag in the back before assisting me into the car. I waited silently as Riley got in on his side without any words to me.

He started the car and we sat there for a long moment in the awkward silence. This was new ground for Riley and me since we were never awkward together.

"He wants you back," Riley said in a defeated tone as he refused to look at me, but that was ok since I did not want to look at him either.

I did not find it to be amusing how he behaved with his hands gripping me as if his life depended on it. I did not need him acting like he owned me in front of people when he did not. There was no promises made between us, no rings exchanged, nothing at all to lay claim to the other person and he knew it.

"Well, it is good to want since I never said that I wanted him," I replied while looking out the window away from Riley. I took a deep breath knowing that if I did not end this emotional bullshit with Riley that the night would be wrecked and I did not want that. I wanted fun and light. I wanted the Riley that I knew and cared for.

"Riley, stop this now. Edward is the past, that's all," I managed to say in a confident voice even though I felt anything but confident at the moment. I looked over at Riley, who was watching me with sad eyes that surprised me. He did not speak, but instead leaned over and captured my lips with his in a soft kiss that made me sigh over its sweetness.

We broke our kiss and Riley turned to start the car silently with a heavy look on his face as he did so. It seemed so out of character to see him look so intense like that.

I looked back at the house only to find Edward in the window watching me with an intense look on his face that somehow made him look remorseful. I should have been pleased based on our past to see such a sad look cross his handsome features, but instead it just made me feel hollow inside.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading!**

**Thanks to Icarustosun for working her magic on this chapter. Seriously, the girl is amazing! Hugs to you Parama!**

**Let's see… What do I want to rec this time?**

**I have been wrapped up in Somewhere in Between by Kassiah ff#5498012. I know that it is coming to a close, but it is good people.**

**I have also been crazy about The Art Teach by Spanglemaker9 ff# 6460434**

**I guess that is enough for now : )**

**Take care,**

**Mamasutra**

**xxoo **


	13. AN

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

I hate to it when writers tease you into thinking that there is an update to their story only to find out that it is some authors note and yet here I am doing exactly what I hate!

Anyway, I wanted to let you know that an outtake has been posted for Perhaps Not to Be. It is from the time frame of Christmas the 4 years ago in the story. It is from the time that Edward becomes engaged to Jessica.

Why post it like this you may ask? Well, while it is important to the story, it just doesn't flow well with the story as it is now. I may follow up with an EPOV of that time since his POV is just as important here in that time frame since it truly is the start of how they became the way they are now.

You can find the outtake here on

.net/s/6616279/1/

Or by looking under my profile page.

Once I have the new chapter of Perhaps Not to Be ready ( and trust me when I say it is a wild one) I will replace this note with the new chapter, so no need to review. If you wish to contact me send me a PM since I do so love hearing from you and what you think!

Thanks for taking your time to read!

Hugs to you!

Mamasutra

xxoo


	14. Chapter 14

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

EPOV

I watched from the window as Bella got into the car to leave me once more. She was always leaving me. I wanted to call out to her, stop her, demand that she listen to me for one fucking moment, but there would be none of that with my family here. They didn't need to know what really happened between us.

I continued to watch as Riley leaned over and kissed her, slowly, as if he was promising to take her away from the bad man, hell maybe that was exactly what he was promising her. I was so lost in my thoughts of running out to the car to stop her from leaving that I had not noticed my dad approach.

"You ok, son?" he asked me with uncertainty in his voice.

Was I ok? No, I wasn't. I was trapped in the life that I did not want, surrounded by people who did not care and forced to watch the one thing that I did want walk away from me over and over again.

"Yeah, I am ok," I replied as I turned to face him after Riley's car was nothing more than tail lights now down the block. I looked at my dad and I could see that he didn't believe me; it was written all over his face that he doubted me.

"Ok," he said softly and then glanced out the window to see what I was looking at. I knew he would find nothing since Bella was gone.

"That was a nice video. I had forgotten how much fun you had with her," dad said innocently to me, not really knowing what he had said was the truth. I had fun with Bella, but looking back, it was far more than just fun. What Bella and I had was more than just fucking around. I knew it at the time, but didn't want to deal with it. It was easier to think of it as a fling, a sex fueled relationship, even though I knew that wasn't true.

"Well, maybe with Bella back in town permanently you can recapture some of that," he said as he turned to leave me. Bella back in Seattle. What did he know about that? I turned to ask him, but he was gone.

"Ed, I want to go home," Jessica called out to me from the other room in a pissy tone that told me that the car ride to drop her off would be interesting. I turned to smile at her since I knew that I would surprise her with my demand to end it now.

There was no way I was going to deal with this again. Our marriage was over, if you could even say that we had a marriage to begin with, since she always had her life and I had mine, very rarely did they ever cross.

Jess and I said our good byes and as I leaned down to hug Alice she whispered into my ear, "I am calling you later," It was a hushed tone as if it was only between her and me. I knew what she would be calling about as well, Bella.

We walked out and Jess entered the car silently. Her face was blank of emotions as I drove her back to what was our house.

"Jess, I want a divorce," I said calmly and then waited for the breakdown that would be her reaction to this news. I was not a fool. I knew that she didn't want me either, but she needed me in some aspects. She liked being Mrs. Cullen and I knew that would be hard for her to give up.

I glanced over at her, trying to gauge her reaction, but there was none, except for the slight smile that played upon her lips.

"Ok, fine. I understand, but I want to wait through the holidays to do this. There is no need to upset Daddy more than necessary at Christmas," she replied back in a calm manner that shocked me.

Jess's dad would be upset. No one in their family had ever divorced. She had mentioned that to me time and time again shortly after our marriage when I told her that I could not be married to her. I had looked for a way out since it had been my plan at the time to leave Jess and then find Bella. I would have done it too, but then Jess's dad had a heart attack. She begged me not to leave her that it would kill her dad. I had no doubt that it would do just that. Marvin Stanley was an over the top character who thought the sun rose and set on Jess. He would have gone ape shit over the idea of his princess' husband leaving her just months after the wedding.

So I stayed with her like the fool I was because of this, and also because of that visit from Charlie Swan. He had made it clear that his daughter was done with me, even though I wondered if that was him speaking and not her. I wanted to find out for myself what Bella wanted from me and for us, but I couldn't risk it. I knew that I would never recover if I went to her and she sent me away for good, so I stayed in a marriage that was doomed to fail from the start.

I pulled up to the house and watched Jess enter safely without a look back at me. I left the large house and the woman who would be my ex wife with a smile thinking how simple that was. I had no idea that Jess would be so understanding about ending the marriage, but then again there was no way that she could be happy either in our sham of a relationship.

Once back at the apartment I smiled to myself as I felt relief for the first time in three years. I grabbed a beer and settled in for the night thinking of Bella, even though I knew it was an exercise in futility. I wondered what she was doing and if she was happy.

She didn't look happy. She had not looked happy in all the time that I had seen her here in Seattle. There was always a stress line on her face as if she was moments from a break down. I wanted to blame Riley for making her upset. It would be easy to blame Riley, but I knew deep inside that it wasn't really him. It was being here. It was me. I knew this from how she looked at me with such a pained expression. I knew that I was the one who was making her hate it here, but for the life of me I did not mind.

I saw her being back in Seattle, so close and yet so far, as a golden opportunity. It was my chance to have her back. My chance to show her that I had missed her, needed her and wanted her back with me. I was not going to pass up this chance.

I was lost in my inner musing of how I would approach Bella when I heard my phone go off. It seemed loud and startled me at first, causing me to jump before I grabbed my phone.

"Where are you?" I heard the harsh voice of my sister Alice asking in almost a growl. I laughed at her since it was just so ridiculas for her to growl at me like that. Who was she fooling? She was all of five feet tall and weighed maybe one hindered pounds soaking wet. She was as intimidating as a tea cup poodle was.

"Alice," I started to say, but she cut me off with another growl.

"I know you aren't home since I was just at your house and found a very happy Jess with a bottle of champagne in her hand like she was celebrating something, so where the hell are you?" she asked once more with irritation in her voice.

"Really? Champagne?" I asked her amazed that Jess would be celebrating the end of our marriage, but then again why not? I was happy too.

"Damn it Edward!" Alice exclaimed pulling me back into our conversation. I quickly rattled off the address and prayed that she would have forgotten about being here before as she said she would be right over. I looked around at Bella's old furniture and knew that I would get a lot of shit for having it _if _Alice noticed it so with a quick prayer that it would go undetected I waited for my sister.

It did not take her long to find the place; after all she had spent a lot of time here at one point in her life. I waited impatiently for her to reach the door and then finally knock. I opened it quickly and watched her stunned face as she looked at me with her blue eyes wide in shock.

"Why are living here?" she asked me as she walked in and then froze as if she was stuck in time, hell maybe she was.

"Jesus, Edward, this is just…" she said and then paused as she looked around, I mean, really looked around. Her eyes were everywhere. She was taking in the furniture and the lack of decorations on the wall. She scanned everything and I found myself very nervous all of a sudden.

"I moved out of the house. Jess and I are divorcing," I said quickly, hoping that this would distract her enough to not comment on the apartment.

"Well, I guess I will call Emmett and tell him he gets nothing," she said distractedly as she turned to walk closer to the couch.

"What are you talking about?' I asked her with confusion.

"We bet on how long your marriage would last and it looks like neither of us is going to win," she said off handedly, like it was nothing to bet on the length of someone's marriage.

"Once you made it past your wedding, which for the record I had bet that you wouldn't even make it to the ceremony, Em and I went double or nothing on when the divorce would happen. I said two years and he said four," Alice replied with a tired sigh as she flopped down on the beat up couch.

"How much money?" I asked her, honestly curious as to how much my marriage was worth to them.

"Oh, it started at five hundred and well now a thousand," she replied as she smirked at me.

"Well, sorry, I did not come to my senses earlier for you," I replied with a smile as I motioned toward the beer bottle I was holding, asking if she wanted one, but she shook her head no.

"It's ok Edward, at least you are getting out now," she replied with a laugh as she looked around. I knew that her laugh was not for me getting out of my marriage.

"This is just creeptastic!" Alice exclaimed with laughter in her voice as she looked around while I rolled my eyes at her. I knew she was laughing at this place. I knew her and her teasing.

"Why are you here?" I asked her as I rolled my eyes at her laughter once more. She could fuck off if she thought that I was going to take her teasing.

"The better question is why are you here? You do know that this is Bella's old place right?" she asked me as if I was mentally handicapped. I rolled my eyes at her and she just laughed at me once more like I was a pathetic fool. Maybe I was.

"I am here because I want to know what happened between you and Bella," she said with a softer tone as she looked at me like she could see through me and my lies.

"There is nothing to tell. She moved and we lost touch," I offered in my most normal tone. This had been my standard answer any time anyone asked me about Bella and the past.

"Yeah, I've heard that excuse for three years now and I don't buy it now any more than when you tried to sell me on it then," she said as she looked at me with a serious face.

There was a long pause in the conversation since I refused to say anything more and Alice was unmoved by it. I waited, knowing that if I did, my silence would win out.

"Edward, you can't lie to me," Alice said softly as she looked into my eyes almost willing me to open my mouth and let the truth come out, but I remained silent.

"I was there you know. I was there all the nights you stayed in our room. I was there all the times you came with us to the movies and everywhere else. I was there the night you beat the crap out of that guy at the bar because he was coming on to Bella," she said as she looked me in the eye, silently daring me to deny the past. I couldn't deny it since it was true.

"Did you think that I was blind?" she said as irritation colored her voice. I tried to look away, but I couldn't.

My heart was pounding like it was trying to break out of my chest. She knew. Alice knew that there was more between Bella and me than just some great friendship. She knew and she had remained silent about. She knew and did nothing to stop me or us from being together.

"I could see that you were close with Bella. I could see that Jess was jealous, so could Bella. I could see that your friendship with her would only cause trouble with your marriage and I know Bella saw it too. I know you did something to Bella. I know that you had something to do with her leaving" Alice said with a sorrowful shake of her head at me while I let out a loud sigh. I was dizzy as relief coursed through me since Alice, being perceptive as she was, remained in the dark about how much further my friendship went with Bella.

"Listen, I lost my best friend over whatever the hell you did and now that she is back, I won't lose her again, do you understand me?" she asked me harshly as the soft look on her face morphed into a scowl.

"I didn't…" I started to say, but she cut me off.

"Yes, you did. You did something to hurt her otherwise she wouldn't have left. She wouldn't have cut us all off like she did without being provoked, so just go peddle your line of bullshit somewhere else," Alice said as she scowled at me some more.

I wanted to laugh at her since it was ridiculous. I wanted to tell her that I had done nothing, it was Bella who ran. I wanted to tell her she did not know half of it, but I didn't. I kept my mouth closed, letting her rant, and waited for her to move on and she did finally. Alice then went off on some tangent about Jasper being in California and how he missed Thanksgiving, as if I cared at all what that asshole did.

Alice did not mention Bella again, thankfully. She stayed and kept me company, but my mind was already wandering over what she had said about Bella. I tried to pay attention as she told me about her life, which wasn't something that she always did. I tried to listen to her and keep the night at a relaxed pace until it was time for her to go, but I could barely hold it together.

My mind was racing with the idea that I had hurt Bella. She was the last person that I ever wanted to hurt. She was my sunlight in a dark world so the idea that I hurt her, that I chased her away, caused my chest to hurt.

I knew Bella so well at the time I would have had to have known that she was hurting because of me, right? I would have known. It was this thought that kept running through my mind as I walked Alice out. It was this thought that kept sleep away as I laid in bed, wondering what the hell had happened to my life and the people in it.

I thought back to my last time around Bella.

_I left the rehearsal dinner early since I could not stand the attention that Jess was demanding from everyone around us. I needed to leave. I needed to see Bella. She would understand that I could not take the attention. She always understood me._

_ I drove to her apartment and parked. I walked slowly up the stairs and pulled out my keys that Bella gave me to let myself in like I always did. I could feel the tension melt off me as I stepped into her apartment and was greeted with the sweet scent that could only be described as Bella._

_ "Bella?" I called out to her since she was not in the front room. I heard her scuffle and then suddenly she appeared looking guilty as she stood before me with her brown eyes looking anywhere, but at mine._

_ "What are you doing here?" she asked me in a low tone. I knew she wanted to be angry at me for just showing up, but I knew her well enough to know that she wasn't._

_ "I needed to see you," I replied back, hating how weak that made me sound. Bella shook her head at me and said something so low that I could not hear what she had said._

_ "Edward, go back to Jess," she said firmly as she looked me square in the eye. I could see the fire that I loved in her. I could see her determination and it made me laugh. There was no way she was turning me away, I would see to that._

_ "No, I need you, not her," I replied as I stepped closer to her, just as she stepped away, trying to avoid me._

_ "Well, then you should have thought about that before you agreed to marry her," Bella said with acid in her voice. Her words were meant to sting, but they didn't since I knew marriage or not I would still have Bella. I looked into her brown eyes and I could see her anger burning bright. I could also see pain in her eyes._

Thinking back at that exchange, I had always thought that she was just jealous of Jess and now I am not so sure that was the case after talking with Alice.

My mind wandered more and I thought about all the times she told me she loved me. She would say it all the time. Sometimes she would say it just out of the blue and she always, always said it after we had sex. Bella would whisper to me like it was a secret between the two of us. I never said it back to her.

When Bella first started saying _I love you_ I laughed at her and told her no she didn't. As time went on she kept saying it so I just started using it to my advantage. She became an easy target and I used it to get my way with her all the time.

I knew she loved me so it didn't matter if I didn't call to tell her that I wasn't coming over as we had planned. It didn't matter that I would cancel dates or show up late because I would smile at her and she would forgive me just like that.

Once I realized that Bella would forgive me no matter what, I pushed it further since then I had to know exactly how far I could take it. I would bring Jess along on group outings and make out with her in front of Bella. Bella would sit, there and seethe in anger at the display, but said nothing.

I discovered her breaking point one drunken night that we all went out to a party. I was drunk and pulled Jess into the coat room where I proceeded to fuck her after knocking the coats to the ground to get to the bed. Bella came into get her coat, caught us together mid-act and left without another word. I justified it to myself that Bella had to know that I was still having sex with Jess, hell we were engaged after all.

Later that night I showed up at Bella's door, still drunk and looking for her since I needed to see her. It was dumb, but I was drunk and it seemed like a good idea at the time. I remember pounding on the door, demanding that she let me in. I remember hearing her cry for me to go away and how I countered back that if she loved me she would let me in. This was how the Seattle police found me, pounding on her door, demanding that she love me and let me in. Once the police had me in handcuffs Bella opened her door to speak with the police. I remember her face being red and blotchy as if she had been crying as she told them she did not want to press charges, she just wanted me gone. They carted me away that night and it took three weeks for Bella to talk to me again after that episode, proving once again that she loved me no matter what.

My stomach rolled as I thought of all of this. At the time those three weeks of silence was almost unbearable to deal with. I had spent those three weeks in attempts to get myself back into her good graces. I sent flowers. I would call her non-stop. I would show up at her place, telling her through the closed door that I missed her and needed her until she finally relented. Little did I know that three weeks was nothing in comparison to her three years of silence.

I laid there in the dark staring at the glowing stars that Bella had painted on the ceiling years ago as the sick feeling settled over me. I knew I had to find her. I had to ask her if what Alice had suggested was correct. Was she jealous the whole time? I had to know if it was her jealousy of my life, of my relationship with Jess that just finally got the best of her so much so that she left without a fucking good bye. I needed to know. She owed me an answer.

The following weeks were a blur as everything led up to Christmas. I had not spoken with Jess, but was anticipating some contact concerning starting the divorce process, but it never came. I knew that we were waiting through Christmas, but I thought she would be more proactive than what she was being. I tried to take time to find an attorney, but I always came up empty handed since I had been dragged into a massive contract dispute for a company I represented. It was taking up all my time and when I did finally have time it was just enough to barely eat, shower, and come back for more. It was grueling, but I told myself I would be rewarded in the end since there was no way grandfather could over look my dedication.

When I was not wrapped into work I would try to find time to check on Bella. She was always in my background thoughts since I had not seen her since Thanksgiving and found myself missing her, even if it was only missing seeing her from a distance. I was still lost over what happened in the past and I knew only she could answer those questions.

I would contact Emmett and ask about her, but he never said a word. He would only tell me that Rosie would kill him if he talked about Bella with me. I had never understood why Rose was such a bitch concerning all things Bella, but if Alice was right, that I had hurt Bella, it would make sense. I hated to think that Alice was right though, since then it meant that I hurt the only person who I had ever wanted to be close to.

Since talking to Rose about Bella would lead me nowhere, I turned to my sister for help. I knew that Alice was taking time to get to know Bella again. I knew that they were spending time together and while it made me happy for Alice because I knew how much she had missed Bella while she was gone, it did nothing to make me feel better since I would ask Alice what was going on and I would only get a sketchy answer back.

She would tell me that Bella was fine or she was great. I would ask where she was at since I knew that she had all but moved out of Emmett's place. I knew this because Emmett had mentioned it. Alice would try to change the subject, but never really answered my question.

So my days went in a constant loop of working and trying to find out about Bella until they all bled into one another. It remained like this until Christmas. I knew that I would see Bella over Christmas since we were all invited to Emmett's house and so was Bella. I knew this because Alice had told me.

Christmas Eve day I had received a phone call from Alice, telling me that Bella would be at Rose's house. I felt a small glimmer of what could only be hope settle over me, but why that was I could not honestly say. I wasn't stupid so I wasn't holding out hope that Bella would actually talk me. I knew her better than that. She had spent the last three years not talking to me so I knew she would not go out of her way to talk to me now, but that wouldn't stop me.

I had to know what her reason was for leaving the way she did and I was not about to take no for an answer. I had spent three years enduring her silence. Three years, looking for her, hoping that she would come to her senses and contact me. Three years of missing her so much that I could barely breathe at times.

Christmas Eve day passed slowly as my anxiety to see Bella grew. I felt on edge and I wondered if Bella knew that I would be there that night. I almost wanted to call to warn her so she wouldn't be surprised by my presence, but I also knew that give n the opportunity to avoid me she would so I refrained from trying to contact her.

Finally, it was time to go to Emmett's house. The family had been warned in advance that Jess would not be there with me. I had told my dad about my upcoming divorce from her and while I expected some sort of response I did not expect the one I got from him.

Dad virtually did not react at all to me telling him about the divorce. He made no comment outside of confirming that it was only me coming to Christmas this year. I had expected an _I told you so_ or at least a disapproving look, but he gave me none of these, so I let it go as well.

At Emmett's house I noticed the rental car parked out front and I smiled since I knew Bella was here already. I walked up to the house with a stupid smile and was greeted by a happy Emmett.

"Hey bro, come on in. We were just waiting on you to eat," he said as he took my coat while I kicked off my shoes. I could smell the bread baking and it instantly took me back to all the times Bella would bake bread to go with whatever soup she had made that night.

I walked in and my eyes went to Bella. She was sitting by Alice and she looked beautiful. She wore a red knit turtle neck that was fitted and accented all of her curves amazingly. She followed it up with a pair of jeans that made the outfit look casual. Her long hair was in loose waves around her beautiful face that seemed to be glowing with happiness. She was fucking stunning.

"Edward, come on," Alice said as she motioned for me to join them. I snickered as I watched Bella stiffen a Alice's words. She did not want me by her, I could see that, but I didn't care. I had questions and she had the answers that I needed.

"Edward," she managed to say and then took a sip of her beer in a nervous manner.

"You still hate wine?" I asked her as she looked at me with a face blank of emotion. I could tell that she had worked to get this expression since in the past I could almost always tell what she was thinking just by looking at her face.

"Yeah," Bella responded coolly as if we had never met before.

This lack of emotion from her was pissing me off. She was acting like we had never been together. I wanted to scream her that I knew her. I knew that she cried when reading sad stories. I knew that thunder storms scared her. I knew that she slept with a night light. I knew every freckle, every scar on her body and had kissed each one repeatedly on different occasions. I knew what her face looked like when she came. I knew what she sounded like when I was inside of her. I knew what she tasted like against my tongue. I knew all of these things and it was killing me slowly to watch her be so detached from me.

I had opened my mouth to call her out on her obvious attempt to act like we had never been, when I heard a voice that stopped me.

"Bella, do you want anything?" Riley Biers called out from the kitchen. Bella's head jerked in the direction of his voice and she scrambled away from me quickly as if she knew what I was going to say to her. I sat there and was forced to watch her go once more to be with him.

"Stop being a dick," Alice whispered to me harshly and just as I opened my mouth to defend myself I saw Riley step out of the kitchen.

Our eyes met and I could I see the anger in his eyes, but there was also fear there as well. His cold eyes were daring me to do something as he silently told me that Bella was his and to back off. He could go fuck himself, so I smiled at him in return since I knew his fear. He was scared of me, I could see it. I laughed out loud as I watched him go back into the kitchen with a snarl as Rose called for him to help her.

"As much as I love to watch a good pissing match, try to remember that this is Christmas and mom will be angry if you wreck it for her," Emmett said in passing, alerting me that he had witnessed the silent exchange I had with Biers. I agreed to behave and then went into the kitchen to watch Bella.

"Oh, Bella that is wonderful! I am sure you will find a house soon," I heard mom say as I walked in with a smile for her as she held out her arms for a hug.

"Bella, did you tell Edward that you and Riley are moving in together?" Rosalie asked her in a goading tone that would have pissed me off if I had not been in shock over what she had said.

Bella was moving in with that asshole Biers? I looked at Alice, silently cussing her for not mentioning this to me. She should have told me, but I guess she had no reason to believe that this information would bother me.

"Yeah," Bella said as she looked around the room nervously, as if the attention still bothered her.

"Ooh! Will we hear wedding bells soon?" Alice asked her teasingly while I fought back the urge to vomit. I watched as Riley pulled Bella close and press a kiss to her temple and then smiled broadly.

"Just as soon as I can get her to agree," he replied with a big smile that turned my stomach.

"Let's not get a head of ourselves yet," Bella said with a slight smile and then looked at Riley in a loving manner that hurt my chest. I instantly wondered if she whispered _I love you_ to him like she did to me.

"Speaking of marital bliss, where is Jess, Edward?" Riley the prick asked me with a smug smile on his face that I wanted to wipe off with my fist.

"Jess is with her family, I think. I am not sure since we are divorcing," I offered back to him and watched the smile fall from his face, almost causing me to laugh out loud.

I walked out of the room with that and left everyone there to talk about Bella as I joined dad watching TV. It was nice since he did not require me to talk.

Time passed that night and soon we all ate and were sitting around enjoying what we had together. I had remained silent and my silence was rewarded by finding out about Bella's life. I found out that she was expecting some sort of promotion at work, but was not at liberty to talk about it. I watched as dad smiled at her during her discussion of her promotion. I knew he was proud of her since he had always viewed Bella as a protégé of his. He had loved how passionate she was about the law and always swore what a great attorney she would be.

I discovered that she never really got to enjoy the beach while living in California since she worked so much. She would talk and I would listen since I wanted to know as much about our time apart as I could. The more I listened to her the more I discovered that she was over worked and underappreciated by the Denali firm.

When everyone stood to help clean up, I quickly reached over and took hold of Bella's wrist to get her attention just as everyone left the room leaving us alone, but was shocked by the energy that coursed through our touch. In the past it was like that for us, we could almost see the energy rising off where our skin would meet, and it was odd to see that three years had not diminished that charge at all.

"Let go of me!" Bella hissed at me in anger, but it was spoken almost in a whisper so I knew she was not trying to get Riley's attention.

"Bella, please?" I asked her as she looked at me shooting daggers out of her beautiful chocolate colored eyes.

"What do you want?" she hissed again and then looked over her shoulder to see if the asshole had noticed her yet.

"I just want to talk," I replied honestly, but I still held her wrist. I had missed the energy between us so I wasn't ready to let that go yet.

"I'll watch for him Bella," Emmett offered to her as if he knew she was scared that Riley would see us together. Fuck him, she was mine first. I watched as Bella's resolve crumbled as she looked at me before she dragged me back to the spare bedroom.

"What is it Edward? " Bella asked me in a cold tone as she jerked her hand out of mine as if my touch burned her.

"Why are you living with him?" I asked before I could stop myself from asking her that question.

"Oh, well that is just fucking wonderful!" she started to rant as she paced in the small space open to her movements like a caged tiger.

"It's none of your damn business!" she snapped at me as she stopped suddenly and looked at me with a deadly expression on her beautiful face, making me wonder if she had always been that stunning.

"You're right, it's not, but …" I started to say, but she cut me off with her anger.

"But what!" she demanded as she stepped closer to me with a wild look in her eyes that seemed to draw me in.

"You don't seem happy," I said softly as I looked at her and waited for her rage to take over and lash out at my observation.

"Fuck you Edward! What would you know about me being happy?" she asked in a softer tone than I had expected. I wanted to counter back that I knew a lot about her being happy. I wanted to tell her that once upon a time I made her happy, but I knew if I said those things then she would walk out and I would never get my answers.

"You're right and I am sorry I asked," I back peddled as Bella watched me closely. She didn't trust me, I knew this.

"Bella, I have to know why you left me the way you did? Do you know how much that hurt me? Do you know how fucking selfish that was to leave me without a good bye?" I asked her as I felt all the anger that I had for her over the last three years rise up to consume me

Bella looked at me as if I had lost my mind as she stood there with her mouth open in shock and a stunned look on her face. She sputtered for a moment before taking a breath to answer me, but I would not allow it.

"You were always jealous and so fucking focused on yourself that you couldn't see me or how what you did might effect me!" I exclaimed, nearly yelling at her as she stepped back away from my outburst.

"Jealous? Of what?" she demanded surprised at my words.

"Of my life, my money, Jess, and fucking everything!" I snapped at her and then waited for a response and it was not the one I was expecting. Bella broke out laughing manically as if I had said the funniest thing ever.

"Jealous? Of what? _Of you_? Jealous of a life you hated? Jealous of money that you did not earn and did not deserve? Jealous of a girl that was too stupid to realize that her psycho boyfriend was fucking his best _gal pal_ every chance he could? Oh, I can see why you would think I would be jealous!" she said with laughter so loud that I was sure that my family would come to find out what was so funny.

"I mean, who in their right mind would not be jealous of that fucked up mess?" she cackled with laughter as I felt anger burn though me once more as she mocked me with her mirth.

"You left and did not have the decency to say good bye. You obviously did not have the good breeding to understand that when you leave you say good-bye!" I exclaimed to her as anger rolled off of me.

"Of course Edward, it is the fact that I am not blue blooded like you that kept me from saying good bye, not the fact that you would never have let me go!" she said back to me through clenched teeth in her anger.

"Edward, you are nothing more than an over grown two year old in the middle of a temper tantrum! I will not deal with your moods any more!" she yelled at me, causing me to take a step back from her.

"I tolerated every horrible, hurtful thing you did to me because I loved you with everything I had, but don't worry, I won't be that stupid ever again! Thanks to you I can't even trust my choice in men since I had thought you were the one and look how that turned out!" she screamed at me as she stepped closer to me and shoved at my chest, hard, pushing me backwards.

"You were vicious and cruel. You didn't care that with every word, with every action you were ripping my heart out. As a matter of fact, I swear sometimes you enjoyed causing me pain, didn't you?" she yelled at me, shocking me with her words. I had never meant to hurt her. It was never my intention to cause her pain. I may not have understood how she could have loved me so unconditionally, but I never thought I was constantly hurting her.

"You laughed at me. You made me feel insignificant and small. You told me all the time how I was not good enough for you or for your fucking family. You treated me like a whore and did not even bat an eye at it," Bella continued on as she backed me against the wall with her words and images of how she saw our time together.

"You call me self centered and ill bred, well, maybe I was, but I called it self preservation since you sure as hell weren't going to think about me or my well being!" she screamed at me, piercing my heart with her words, just as Emmett came to the door wide eyed with concern.

"I…I am sorry. I never meant to hurt you, I just…" I stammered, trying to come up with the words to make up for hurting the woman before me, but there was nothing for me say to change the past.

"No more Edward! I don't want to hear your apologies. You are three years too late," she said in a calm tone as she wiped at the tears that had fallen down her cheeks. She tried to pull in her emotions, but the hurt and anger was still all over her beautiful face.

I watched her turn towards the door and I tried to stop her, but she pushed me out of the way.

"Bella, please just stay and let me talk to you," I asked her, not knowing what in the hell I would even say to her. _I am sorry_ was not strong enough and asking for forgiveness seemed out of the question.

"Go to hell Edward," she replied as she opened the door to leave. Since the door was open we could hear the other people in the other room so soon they would wonder where we were so my time with her was running out.

"Don't go Bella, I still have more to say," I stammered as I stepped closer to her once more.

"I don't care what you have to say. Whatever it was it doesn't matter now," she replied coldly and then turned her head towards the door once more just as Riley called for her.

"Don't go!" I said to her as I took hold of her hand, willing her to stay so we could talk.

"I am sorry I hurt you. I never wanted to hurt you," I said quickly as I held her hand in mine, enjoying the feel of her skin against mine. My words caused Bella to stop. She turned to look at me with her big doe eyes and I could see that she was trying to determine if I was lying to her.

"Bella, I never lied to you. Not once and you know that. I may not have always understood, but I never lied," I said as she looked me with her critical gaze while I willed her to remember that I had always told her the truth.

I watched her face as she looked at me and just as she opened her mouth to speak we both could hear Riley call for her once more. I listened as she called back that she would be right there.

"Don't go," I pleaded as I held her hand, only to have her jerk her hand out of my grasp again. I watched her face harden as she looked at me with an angry look.

"What choice do I have, Edward?" she asked me mockingly and then she walked out, leaving me in the room alone.

I stood there, with the sick feeling settling over me that came every time I thought about me hurting Bella. Her word stung. She had chosen her words well since I had always said that to her every time she had begged me to stay with her and I refused, stating that I had no choice, but to leave her. I wondered if she received some sort of sick revenge filled satisfaction of spitting them back in my face as I pleaded with her not to leave me now. I wondered if she could see the comedic value in how our roles had reversed.

I listened as Bella left with Riley. I could hear her saying good bye to my family with promises to get together soon as I stood in the back, willing myself not to go out there and demand that she stay like the asshole I was. It was at that exact moment that I realized how much I had truly fucked up.

**AN:**

**Hello! Thanks for reading! It has been difficult getting this chapter out and I could not have done it without out the most awesome Icarustosun. Seriously without her you would be shocked over how poorly this story would go! Hugs to you Parama!**

**This is just part 1 of Edward's POV, part 2 will be out shortly so look for that coming soon! I also wanted to let you know that I have a new story out there called Lingering Shadows. The prologue is out there so if you get a chance to check it out please do so. It is a bit of a mystery wrapped up in the relationship of Edward and Bella. **

**Take care,**

**Mamasutra**

**xxoo**


	15. Chapter 15

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

EPOV

I stayed in the back until I heard the door close behind Bella, but not before I heard Riley call out "Good-bye Edward," in the mocking tone that made me want to kick his ass. Fucking prick.

I had pulled myself together enough to join the others as they got ready for midnight mass, but I passed on going with them. Emmett had been watching me and passed as well.

"You can go, no need to babysit me," I said with a smile, but Emmett just shook his head no and then mumbled something about being bros. I just let it slide since really Emmett was great company when you were down.

Once everyone was gone it was just Emmett, Rosalie and I. Emmett tried to get Rose to leave us alone, but she refused. What a bitch.

"I know the asshole is going to talk about Bella and I want to know what he said to her to upset her the way he did," she said with anger as she tossed a pillow at me, hitting me in the head, but I didn't care.

"She left that room with tears in her eyes, asshole. She had been crying and it was obvious. I won't have you upsetting her when you are here so if you can't stop yourself from being a dick then you cannot come over," Rosalie said with venom in her voice while I sat there fucking numb from my encounter with Bella.

"Cool it babe. That's my brother and even though he is a prick, I won't let you ban him from coming over here," Emmett said with a serious tone that made me laugh since Emmett was never serious. Rosalie gave me the finger when I laughed at her, which I promptly returned. Yeah, fuck you too Rosalie.

"You two can't act your age, can you?" Emmett muttered as he walked off to grab a bottle of beer from the kitchen and then came back with one for me as well.

"OK, what the hell happened?" he asked me with an irritated look as I took a draw off the bottle of beer, as if that could ease the ache in my chest over everything.

I took a deep breath and explained it to him. I told him how I was finally able to ask Bella why she left.

"Hold up here, that's why you dragged her off?" he asked me suddenly concerned as he looked from me to Rosalie.

"You helped him!" she yelled as she stepped closer and swatted at his arms while he blocked his head.

"You helped him bitch at her, making her cry?" she yelled as she continued to hit him with open handed smacks.

"I'm sorry babe! I didn't know!" Emmett said as she blocked her smacks, but Rose was still able to hit him in the back to the head.

"That is your brother! Don't pretend that you had no idea that he would be a raging asshole to her!" she yelled and then hit him one last time before stepping back from him in an angry huff.

"How could you say that to her?" she demanded as she stepped closer with a threatening look that was no surprise to me. Rosalie would kill anyone that hurt Bella and needless to say I was top on her list.

"It doesn't matter," I replied as I thought about Bella's angry words towards me.

"The hell it doesn't," Rose growled at me. I opened my mouth to tell her to leave me alone, but Emmett came to my defense by asking Rosalie to go and leave us for a moment.

"Ok, Edward, what the hell?" he asked me as he looked at me with a pleading look. I knew he was upset with me for making Bella cry, hell I was upset with myself.

"I'm not sure what happened," I replied back with a tired sigh as I tried to avoid his gaze.

"Bullshit" he said and then rolled his eyes at me. Emmett knew. He had heard us, he had heard Bella.

"You acted like a dick and for once, Bella handed you your ass," he replied with a smile that told me he had enjoyed that part of the conversation.

"Edward, I have to ask, did you really think that you would get the answers that you wanted?" he asked me with an unsure look on his face, as if he was trying to process what I had I done.

"I mean, what did you think she would say? Did you think that she would look at you and apologize or admit that leaving you was the biggest mistake she ever made?" he said with a slight chuckle as if I had lost my mind. Maybe I have lost my mind.

"I was hoping that she would see that she was cruel in not letting me say good bye," I managed to say softly and as I spoke I realized how incredibly stupid it sounded.

"Really? Because from the way you two talked to each other back there, leaving seemed to be her only way of dealing with you," he said with a shake of his head. I hated to admit, but he was right, but more importantly she was right.

I would have never agreed to let her go. If Bella had came to me, telling me that she was leaving me and this was good-bye, I would have done everything in my power to keep her there. I would have stopped at nothing until she agreed that leaving me was a bad idea. I needed her too much to watch her go.

"How…" I started to talk, but I couldn't find the words. I was too lost in the past. She would have told me if I had hurt her that badly, wouldn't she? I knew that being with her while with Jess hurt her, but I did not think that it was that bad, so I voiced this to Emmett to get his opinion on the matter. He only laughed at my stupidity.

"Edward, you had to know that stringing her along was hurting her, I don't believe that you didn't realize this," he said as he looked at me with hard eyes that showed his anger towards me.

"I knew it was hard and I knew that sometimes it had to hurt her, I just thought that she knew…"I started to say, but then realized how bad it sounded.

"She knew what? Her place? I swear to god Edward if that is what is about to come out of your mouth I will end you now," Emmett said harshly, causing me to flinch at his tone.

"No! That we couldn't be together, that this was the best we had to work with," I said with a shaky voice that sounded odd even to me as Emmett laughed at me.

"Why couldn't you be together? What was stopping you? And don't give me some bull shit story about Bella not being what the firm needed," Emmett yelled at me as his face went red.

I remained silent since Emmett was right. The only reason I had was that she would not be a good fit for the firm. I had been told time and time again throughout my life by grandpa that the firm comes first, then family and then what you want. It was just the way things went for me. There was a long pause in our conversation and then Emmett finally spoke.

"Seriously, Edward?" Emmett asked me as I watched him scrub at his face in frustration.

"What?" I asked him as I waited for him to explain himself.

"You are about the dumbest asshole I have ever met," he said with a tired sigh as he looked at me in a knowing manner.

"I know that you already knew that she loved you. I know that you used it against her at every turn, Edward," Emmett said in an irritated tone that made me cringe.

"I knew, but I guess I didn't realize …" I started to say, but Emmett cut me off.

"Bullshit!" he exclaimed in anger as he glared at me.

"You knew! You used her and that was cold, Edward. You knew every time that she told you that she loved you that she meant it so I don't believe you for one fucking moment here!" Emmett exclaimed in a harsh whisper, like he was trying to keep his voice down for some reason.

"You dragged her back to that room and demanded that she tells you why she left you behind was an asshole move. This was never about questioning how Bella could leave you or how rotten she was for doing so, it was all about you figuring out how you felt, three years too late," Emmett continued on in his whispered rant towards me.

"The truth is you're just a pussy who has just figured out how big you fucked up!" Em hissed at me and then looked towards the door as Rosalie stuck her head into the room.

"You doing ok, babe?" she asked with concern as she looked from Emmett to me with an uneasy look. She must have been able to feel the tension in the room.

"We're great babe. We need just a little longer though, ok?" he asked her with a smile, acting as if nothing was really going on. I watched, amazed, as Rosalie nodded and left us alone once more.

"You fucked up man," Emmett said, looking at me with a mixture of disgust and remorse.

"Did it just dawn on you that you loved her?" he asked me and I shook my head. I would always deny it. Did I love her? I wasn't sure of anything anymore. I knew that I could not function when she left me. I knew that the first couple of weeks I could barely breathe in the office as I sat in our shared space staring at her empty desk, knowing that she wasn't coming back.

"Edward, you are the slowest motherfucker on the planet. I have no idea how you made it through law school," Emmett said with a sigh as he ran his hand over his face in frustration.

"Think back to your time with Bella and even after. Think about how you felt and what you did. Think about seeing her with another man, or that prick Riley. Think about Bella and then tell me that you don't love her," he said as he looked at me, willing me to admit my feelings out loud.

I thought back to my time with Bella. When I was with her my life was different. I was happy and I haven't been happy since she left. Jess never made me happy, it was always Bella and I knew that even before I married her that she just didn't compare to Bella. I knew all of this and still married her all in the name of making others happy.

I remembered all the nights that I had spent with Bella. I remembered all her whispered _I love yous_. I remembered how every time she said those simple words my heart would pound and yet I would dismiss her with laughter or snide comment. I remember at the end even being angry when she would say it to me. I was angry and I didn't even know why, but looking back the reason was obvious to me. I was mad because I wanted her too, I loved her too and there wasn't a damn thing that I could do about it.

I loved her and I let her suffer because of it. I took my anger out on her over a situation that was out of her control all because I wanted it all and knew that I could not have it all. I punished her for loving me because I knew I could never have her, even though I wanted her so badly, so maybe if she hated me it would be easier to let her go.

"Jesus," I muttered as I thought back to all the times that I had to have hurt her with my attitude or actions. I sat there lost in my thoughts of Bella until I heard Emmett laugh humorlessly.

"See, asshole? See? You love her, so stop denying it," he said with a sad smile as he looked at me. I must have had a look of horror on my face since he started to laugh like an idiot at me.

"What do I do?" I asked him since I had no fucking clue how to move forward from here. I loved Bella and I wanted her to know. I wanted her to know that I was sorry for everything. I was sorry that I hurt her and sorry that I never said it back. I was sorry for a lot of thing, but most of all for letting her leave.

"What do you mean, 'what do I do?'" he asked me, surprised by my reaction.

"I mean, what do I do? Do I call her and ask her to meet with me? Do I send her flowers? Do I send her an email?" I asked him as I listened to myself ramble while inside my brain was racing with ideas as to how I would tell Bella.

"Edward, you do nothing," he replied firmly as he graced me with a warning look. His response silenced me.

"You are three years too late to this realization. She has moved on and you will need to let her go," he stated simply as he looked at me with such honest eyes. The honesty hurt since I knew logically that he was right, but I could not stop myself from rejecting that idea.

"What if…" I replied quickly as I leaned towards him, but he stopped me.

"Bella is living with Riley and let me assure you, he's determined to get a ring on her finger as quickly as possible from what I can see," Emmett said, knocking the wind out of me with his words.

The idea of Bella with another man killed me like it always did. I was suddenly remembering the night years ago that we all went out and Jess was with me for a change. I watched helplessly as Bella went home with another man, just to prove to me that she could. She had told me that it was unfair of me to have Jess and for her to have no one. She was right, but that did not sway me from attempting to stop her. I spent that night in my car outside of her apartment freezing my ass off, waiting, watching, and hoping like hell that she was not in there fucking him just to spite me.

"I…I can't do nothing," I told him as I found the panic rising in my chest at the thought of Bella in a white gown of lace promising her forever to Riley.

"Yes, you can and you will. You owe it to her, Edward. After all, that's what she did for you," he said in a calm manner that did nothing, except to piss me off even more.

"What the fuck are you talking about?" I asked him confused. Bella had done nothing to encourage my relationship with Jess. She asked me every time we were together, all the way up to the night before the wedding, not to go through with it.

"Bella left and when she did she was giving you a chance at happiness with Jess. You will leave her alone and let her have her chance at happiness with Riley. You can do that for her," he said simply as if it was that easy, as if I could sit back silently, watching her love him.

"I can't," I said which caused him to laugh at me.

"Yes, you can. Think of all the times that Bella did it for you and then know that you are doing this for her," Emmett said with a tired sigh.

"I am not saying that this whole Riley thing will pan out. He is doing things to piss her off right now. You know how independent Bella is and he is just pissing all over that with his behavior," Emmett said with a laugh that surprised me. I had no idea that Riley was that involved with her, hell I had no idea that they were living together until tonight. There was a lot about Bella I did not know any more.

"Riley is a good guy, so don't get me wrong. He takes care of her and makes her smile, even though I think he is a bit of an arrogant dick at times, but I am starting to think that Bella has a thing for arrogant dicks, I mean, look at you right?" he said with a laugh that was supposed to be funny, but I could not laugh. I was still hung up on the idea of him making her laugh.

"Riley is good to her?" I asked him, trying to sort out the idea of accepting Bella with another and yet his name tasted bitter on my tongue.

"Yeah, for the most part, he tries anyway. Rose thinks that he hung the fucking moon," he said with a bit of bitterness in his voice that made me smile. It was obvious even to me in the short time I had been back around Biers that Rose had a bit of a crush on him.

"I'm glad that you are so supportive of her," I managed to choke out softly, even though the words were sour.

"Stop being a baby, Edward. You know I would love to see you and Bella together, but you fucked that up royally. Right now I am all in support of you both being happy, no matter where that happiness comes from," Em said as he looked at me with a knowing look. He knew that I was pissed that he would be alright with Bella and Riley. He knew me too well.

"I can't just leave her alone Emmett. She may have been strong enough, but I am not," I told him in almost a whisper. It was embarrassing to admit that I was so weak to him.

"You have to, man. What's done is done and you can only go forward from here. Right now you need to leave her alone. You need to give her a chance at happiness without her past coming back to bite her in the ass," Emmett said once more with conviction as I shook my head at him.

"And when the times comes that you can handle being around her without pushing her about the past then you can be her friend again since I know she needs that," Emmett said with a smile.

"Bella needs a friend?" I asked confused since I knew Bella had a lot of friends. She was well liked and people just seemed to gravitate towards her, I know I did.

"She needs you as her friend. She misses you," Emmett said as he watched my face for reaction. I rolled my eyes at him since I knew that last part was a lie. I saw Bella's face when she realized I was here. She had a look of terror on it like I was the last fucking person on the planet that she wanted to see.

"She does. She told me so a couple of nights ago when she and Rosie were drunk. She told me she missed you and then mentioned something about blankets and books that made no sense," he said with a goofy smile that I am sure was there since he had to be thinking of Bella being drunk. She was always hysterical when she was drunk.

I wanted to tell him that when Bella and I were together we'd curl up under a blanket and read together, but I didn't. It would be giving away too much. I can't say that we stayed reading innocently for long since soon there would be stolen kisses, hands wandering and before long the books would be tossed to the wayside as we made love. Those times together were always fond memories for me and now they would be especially sweet knowing that Bella clung to those memories as well.

"Give her time and be her friend, Edward. That's all you can be for her now," Emmett said with a smile as if he was pleased with himself. I nodded, knowing that there was no need to fight with him since in his mind he was right. I stood up and left, opting to go back to my apartment, Bella's apartment, whatever you wanted to call it. My Christmas plans had changed to include getting drunk.

I stayed inside without human contact, drinking away my sorrows and allowing my memories of Bella to float around me for days until dad demanded that I make an appearance at work. He was pissed because I had missed the formal Christmas with grandpa, but I was in no mood to even look at any of them.

I slowly got dressed for the day, knowing that it would suck before I ever even walked in the doors of the firm. I knew something was going on since it was demanded that I be there today. My dad had told me that my absence would not be tolerated, as if I gave a fuck.

I walked into the office that morning and everything seemed louder and brighter. It could have been from the slight hangover that I had, but I wasn't certain since something just seemed off. I looked over at Jasper as I walked by only to see a bright smile on his face, similar to someone who had gotten away with something. He followed me to my small office and shut the door behind us.

"Did you hear? The old man is going to have a press conference. I am wondering if he is announcing new partners," Jasper said excitedly, but I knew he was fishing for information. Unfortunately for him, I had none.

"I have no idea, I just know that I was told my absence would not be tolerated today," I said in my best Carlisle Cullen voice, making Jasper laugh since I had gotten pretty good at mimicking him over the years.

We were still laughing when dad opened my door and stepped inside.

"Come on boys, it's time," he said with a tense smile that I had seen throughout the years growing up with this man. There was something going on, something big.

We walked into the large conference room, which was packed with employees from the firm. Grandpa was upfront at a podium talking with some blonde haired woman that turned to look at us as we entered the room. He motioned for us to come up front and as he did Jasper elbowed me. I knew what he was thinking. He was thinking that this was it. This was our time. I knew without a doubt that I would fucking kill him if he made partner and I did not.

We followed dad and sat down in seats that had been saved for us. I glanced around the room and noticed that grandpa had a webcam in place, so this meeting was being broadcasted somewhere else as well. I looked over at my father who was distracted; he was talking with the woman now as a pained expression filled his face. I tried to get his attention discreetly, however he did not notice me.

"OK, let's get this meeting going," I heard grandpa call out gruffly over a microphone, making him sound even louder and more imposing than what he already was. I looked over at the man I was named after and tried not to roll my eyes at him. I was in no mood to deal with him today, but I would put on my best happy face to tolerate him.

Truly, I was in no mood to deal with anyone since my time with Bella at Emmett's house. I hated knowing that I had hurt her so deeply. I hated knowing that I had everything and fucked it up. I spent the last few nights thinking of how everything could have been different if only I had been honest with myself and not so fucking obsessed with my so called future of making grandpa happy.

"I called you all together today to announce big changes for the Cullen Law Firm. Effective today we have purchased the Denali Law Firm," Edward Sr. announced with a booming voice as he smiled in victory for us. My heart started to pound as I realized the implication of him purchasing the Denali firm. This would mean that Bella would be around. I would see her. I would be close to her. I could be close to her. Hell, maybe she would work for me after I made partner.

My heart was pounding loudly as all the different scenarios played out in my mind as to how I could get close to her once more. I was lost in my fantasies of wooing Bella when I heard grandpa mention that along with this change our firm would be making room for the partners from Denali's. I shrugged off the thought, knowing that this was normal procedure.

"Ms. Denali claims to have found them, but I will have you know that each of them got their start here at the Cullen Law Firm before they left for California. I knew that each one of them was a rising star in their chosen field and I am just glad to have them back with us now. Please welcome, Michael Newton, Tyler Crowley, Riley Biers and Isabella Swan," he said with a confident tone as he motioned towards the door that was opened into the next room.

I watched, stunned into silence, as Mike, Tyler, Riley and Bella walked into the room with grim smiles of determination on each of their faces. I watched as Bella stepped forward to shake hands with grandpa with a smile. I could tell she was not happy. It was written all over her beautiful face that she was far from happy about this arrangement. I watched as grandpa whispered something to her, making her laugh as she turned to face the room. Our eyes locked and as they did Bella gave me a smart ass smile of victory since she knew what this meant.

Bella would know more than anyone else up there about the meaning of her taking this job as partner within my family's firm since she had spent time with me. She had listened to me go on and on about how everything I did was all in preparation for being partner in the prestigious Cullen Law Firm. She knew better than anyone about every sacrifice that I made in the name of making partner one day. She knew all of this since she had been sacrificed by me in the pursuit of making partner.

Bella knew all of these things and yet there she stood with a victorious smile on her beautiful face as she extracted what could only be her revenge on me by taking my job as partner while leaving me out in the cold.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading & reviewing! I have to say that some of are very heated in your opinion of our dear Edward!One of you, I believe it was Shelia, that stated that she knows people in RL who are behave like Edward. I know people in RL like this too. Aren't they fun to deal with?**

**As always, I would like to send my thanks and love to Icarustosun. She is amazing and without her that story just would not be nearly as good! Hugs to you Parama!**

** Up next will be Bella so you get to find out what has been going on with her and how exactly she ended up living with Riley, plus if she knows about his time in California yet. That chapter is in the works as we speak!**

** I am not one to brag or boast, but I have to tell you about the new story that is in the works. Lingering Shadows was the spawn created by my dearest friend/beta Icarustosun and myself. It is a fun angst filled romp with Edward and Bella as Bella deals with being in the shadow of Edward's life. Ok, there is more to it than that, but I can't give it all away can I? Either way, come over and jump on the crazy train with us since we think it will be a fun ride!**

** Until next time….**

**Take care,**

**Mamasutra**

**xxoo**


	16. Chapter 16

Hello!

Sorry to get you hopeful that another update was out there, but I had to share this with you and really had no other way to do so. Forgive me and please know an update is on the way!

For starters, I wanted to thank the very kind person who took their time to nominate me for The Twinklings Walk of Fame Award in the category of Hopelessly Devoted (Most Reliable Author). When I received the email alerting me that I had been nominated I was shocked and humbled that someone thought enough me to toss my name in the hat. Please know who ever you are that your act of kindness made my weekend! I am honored beyond belief and a little star stuck as I look at the other writers on this list.

While I am not one of those people who will come to you and say vote for me. That is just not my style. I will say go check it out and see all the wonderful writers that you honored me by suggesting that I was as faithful to their readers as what they are. Go vote for some awesome fics & amazing writers!

http(.)thetwinklingswfa(.)blogspot(.)com

Secondly, I have to let you know about the launch of a most amazing blog that I share with Icarustosun. It is a blog all about angst stories! So if you love angst this is the place to be! We will be highlighting, rec'ing and reviews all things angst. It will also have interviews or Q & A's with some of the great writers out there. Just as a teaser I will let you know we have Chrometurtle from Expectation and Other Moving Pieces in queue along with Sammielynnsmom from Blind Intentions and first up Bronzehyperion from Bring on the Wonder. It will also be a place where teasers from my stories may be shared as well as just a general place to find good angst stories that I know you love! Please come check us out!

http(:) angst-thenewfluff(.)blogspot(.)com

Until next time….

Take care,

Mamasutra

I hope you


	17. Chapter 17

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

BPOV

The drive to Forks that Thanksgiving was silent. After about thirty minutes I could no longer handle the silence so I turned on the radio for some sort of background noise. I would find myself glancing at Riley as his stoic features and cold silence seemed to bleed the life right out of me.

"Riley, I will not spend my weekend like this so if this is how it is going to be then just take me back to Rose's place," I said in a calm voice as I looked over at him. Riley glanced at me as he drove and I could see the anger in his eyes. It shocked me.

"Oh, you would like that wouldn't you?" he asked me in a mocking tone that felt like a slap in the face.

"That is it!" I yelled as I looked at him with anger blazing throughout me like a fire. I was not about to sit back and let him talk to me like that.

"What is _it_ Bella? What is _it_? Everyone in that room could see what the fuck was going on!" he exclaimed as he continued to drive, but I could feel the car speeding up as his anger towards me increased.

"Well, you need to enlighten me since I have no fucking clue what you are talking about!" I yelled back as I turned to face him head on. He started to laugh a sarcastic laugh that made my blood boil.

"You really thought that everyone would miss the way you and him looked at each other," he said with a harsh chuckle that made me cringe.

"I have no idea what you are talking about," I muttered back to him as I tried to think back at my time with Edward and his family that had just passed for any sign of some odd look that Riley had claimed occurred. I did not think that I was sharing some sort of secret look with Edward. I knew at the very end of our time together it seemed a little more private between us, but it was nothing that I had thought could have been misconstrued as innapproiate.

"He looks at you like…he looks at you like he knows you Bella! Like he knows your…!" Riley stammered angrily as if he was having trouble telling me exactly what it was that bothered him so much about my limited interaction with Edward. I tried to understand why he was so pissed, but I could not see it. I could not see why he was upset and to the best of my memory my interactions with Edward had been very formal, almost awkward.

I looked over at Riley as he raked a hand through his sandy colored hair in a frustrated manner that made me sad. I hated to see him so bothered by it, but in reality he was overreacting. There was nothing that passed between Edward and I except a few smiles over a pleasant memory that we all shared, well, all of us except Riley.

I watched him as he pulled over on the deserted road so that we were on the shoulder. Riley closed his eyes and took a deep calming breath as he seemed to regroup before talking to me once more.

"Bella, I…" he started out saying as he turned to look at me with remorse filled eyes. Never in all my time around Riley had I ever experienced him with his emotions all over the place, not even after Bree. It was unsettling to say the least.

I unbuckled my seat belt and climbed out of my seat to sit upon his lap as he watched me with a shocked look on his handsome face.

"You are overreacting, Riley," I said softly as he watched me with his turquoise eyes that held a sadness that I could not understand.

"Now, let's go and enjoy this weekend since I am tired of all the drama in Seattle, ok?" I asked him with a smile, hoping like hell that we could put his moodiness behind us before it wrecked what could be a nice weekend. Riley remained silent but pulled me close for a soft kiss that seemed to melt my bones. I pulled away from him slowly before getting back in my seat so we could continue on the drive.

The remaining portion of the drive was spent in awkward conversation that involved anything but our just spent time with the Cullens. We finally pulled up in front of Riley's parent's house and I found myself sighing in relief since I knew once I was inside I would only have to focus on the madness around me, and not the overly emotional man at my side.

I got out of the car and as I did the front door swung open as if someone was coming out to greet us as we approached the house. I watched, expecting his mom or dad, but instead out stepped Demetri Biers, Riley's cousin and my best friend from as far back as I could remember.

Demetri was the only reason I had made through Forks High School without going on some sort of a killing spree. We had known each other since we were in diapers. His dad was a police officer on the force with my dad. They played cards together. We spent holidays together. We did everything together until graduation.

After graduation Demetri was off to work for Google after discovering a flaw in their security system. They offered him a full time position as well as paid for his college in San Francisco so he could work while in school for computer engineering. IT was a nice set up for him, but it never stopped me from missing him like crazy since he was one of the few people who knew my heart.

"Well, well, well. Look at you, all Californicated. You'll never be able to dodge a logging truck in your 'fuck-me' heels," Demetri said with a teasing smirk on his face as he looked me over while I stood there, shocked by his very presence.

"Oh, yeah, I forgot that I had a surprise for you," Riley said with a teasing voice, but I did not look over at him, I was still watching Demetri as if he was an illusion.

I said nothing, but instead ran up and threw myself at Demetri as I hugged him tight. I had missed him and no amount of emails or phone calls could make up for actually being with him.

"Jesus, woman, when did you get so strong?" I heard him tease as I held him tight. I pulled back and gave him a smile.

"What are you doing here? I thought you were in California?" I asked him as he smiled at me with an evil glint in his eyes like he always had.

"Yeah, I thought you would be as well, but look at you here," he replied. Yes, while he was in San franscio and I was in Los Angeles we would try to get together, but our lives were always too busy.

We walked inside and greeted Riley's family. It suddenly felt like holidays of the past with the exception that my parents were not here. I actually felt a little guilty over the fact that they were not here to enjoy their friends like they normally did, but that feeling was fleeting once Patricia started to ask about our conception plans. I glanced over at Riley, who rolled his eyes at me as if saying _this is all your doing._

The evening passed and as it did, I found myself laughing as I played cards with the men and actually enjoying myself. I could feel Riley watching me, but that was not unusual, it was Demetri who made me feel uneasy as he stared at me with a contemplative look, as if he was trying to figure me out.

I tried to keep the conversation going as I spoke of Demetri's side business that he and his brother Felix had started. They had started an investigation service, similar to being a private detective. They were good. There was not anyone they could not hide or find for that matter. I should know, I was their first customer.

When I left Edward I went to my dad for assistance, but it was Demetri who took me off the grid completely so Edward could not find me at all. Demetri did as I asked, however, in the end he told me that I should just be an adult about things with Edward and tell him why I needed to be alone. He always had great faith in Edward since they had gotten along so well. He had always believed that Edward would choose me over Jess since he claimed he could see it in Edward's eyes. I told him that was girliest thing I had ever heard him say. I laughed in his face as he suggested it; obviously he knew nothing about Edward's lap dog tendencies for his damn grandfather.

Since then I have used them to track down dead beat dads, spouses running from divorce proceedings and also to catch cheaters in the act. Demetri and Felix were an amazing team that I utilized frequently.

The night passed until it was just Demetri and I, since everyone else had left for bed, Riley included. It was a quiet peacefulness that settled between us like it always did and I was happy that it never changed for us.

Demetri was the one guy outside of Edward that I could just be me with and not worry what he thought about my actions. It was nice and it made me love him for it.

We sat at the kitchen together and I watched as he wordlessly got up and grabbed another bottle of beer for me since mine was empty. I gave him a smile of thanks as he sat back down.

"So, what's been going on?" he asked me with his brown eyes shining like he knew a secret. It was the look that always in the past had made me nervous since I knew he was going to tell me something that I did not want to hear.

I launched into what has happened recently. The move, the promise of making partner, Seattle, all of it. I watched as his face held a non emotional look to it. It was as if he was trying not to pass judgment. I finished up my story telling him about some dumb ass attorney that I had just dealt with concerning child visitations for a couple that was separating.

"Speaking of stupid fucks, what is this about you and Riley?" he asked in a quiet voice, but I could see his quite judgment.

"Don't you dare judge me Demetri!" I hissed at him in anger. He of all people knew how hard it was for me after I left Edward. He was there. He knew. He knew how hard it was for me to trust anyone and yet I could feel his judgment as his brown eyes locked with mine with one of his signature cocky smiles.

"Judge you? Why would I do that? Don't you think I would be pleased as punch to find out that my dearest friend, the girl who is practically my blood sister has been fucking my cousin for what? Two years now and that sister has said not a damn word about it?" he said mockingly as he smiled again. I rolled my eyes at him, which caused him to laugh out loud at this.

"Bella, I am glad as long as you're happy, but I don't see you being happy. I see Riley being happy because he is finally nailing the hottest girl around," he said with a snicker as I hit him in the arm.

"I am happy De," I replied as I took hold of his hand in mine just like when we were little and I was scared. He sat there looking me in the eyes. I could tell he was trying to read me, to see if I was lying to him. I wasn't. I was happy for the most part.

"If you say so doll, if you say so," he said as he held my hand softly. We stayed like that for a while in silence until he starting talking about some girl that he had been seeing, effectively ending our heart to heart about Riley.

The rest of weekend went, well even though Riley kept the pressure on about moving in with him until finally on the last night I agreed. I was tired of listening to him whine about us not living together. He listed pros and cons of us living together. He was thoughtful and yet ferocious in the way he pursued the matter at hand until I just caved and said yes, if for nothing but to shut him up. We were in the middle of the small town bar that was nestled in the middle of Forks. There were witnesses and one of them was Bree.

She had avoided us all night, but I had caught her watching Riley. I wondered if she missed him, but I didn't have the nerve to ask her. She smiled politely as Riley ordered a round at the bar for everyone in celebration of my saying yes to him. He may not have been so celebratory if he knew that I was agreeing only on a temporary basis since I could not stand seeing Emmett naked, eating in the middle of night any longer.

After Riley had brought a round of drinks for everyone in the bar I noticed Demetri looking at me with a sad smile. He knew that I had caved, but was remaining silent about it.

At the end of the night Riley went off to his childhood bedroom and I off to the guest room since I had insisted on separate rooms while here, plus I needed the break from him. I needed a moment to think about what I had done. I knew I had no business moving in with him. I knew that this was not the best of ideas, but I could not say no to him when he looked at me with such earnest eyes.

We came back to Seattle after that Thanksgiving break with a renewed sense of rest and a very happy Riley, who now spent his time looking for apartments for us. I let him since I did not care where we lived. None of it mattered to me at all.

The month of December started and as it did I discovered that Riley was trying his hardest to keep me all to himself. The nights that I would usually spend with Mike and Tyler without Riley were now something that he would attend as well. It made for awkward times since no one would really talk now and there was heaviness in the air that would not seem to dissipate.

The weeks continued to pass in a blur until it was right before Christmas. I had promised Rose that I would come to her house on Christmas Eve knowing that the Cullens would be there. I hated to go, but I was not about to let Edward stop me from seeing Rose over the holiday.

On Christmas Eve day while I was in the office, psyching myself up for my encounter with Edward that would come later that night, my assistant Angela notified me that Mrs. Cullen was here to see me.

While I was surprised that Esme would come over to the Denali office to talk instead of calling, I was still happy to see her since out of all the people I had left behind in Seattle when I moved she was one of the few I really missed. I told Angela to send her in and then asked if she would please get us some coffee as well.

I heard the door to my office open and I looked up with a smile that quickly turned to shock as I found Jess standing there with all of her perfection instead of Esme. She looked at me with her big blue eyes just beaming brightly while the rest of her oozed cool sophistication that only she could pull off.

"Bella!" she exclaimed like we were long lost friends and then rushed over to embrace me in a tight, yet awkward hug.

"Jess," I stammered as I tried to stand up and break this weird hug that she had me wrapped in.

"What are you doing here?" I asked her calmly since there was no need to beat around the bush. I wanted to know why she was in my office and I wanted to know now.

"Are you always this bold with your potential clients?" she asked me in a teasing manner that did not put me at ease.

"Fine, I am here because I am told by my father that you are the best," she said with a smile like I should understand what the hell she was speaking off.

"Plus, knowing how close you and Edward were I think having you as my attorney would just piss him off," she said with a laugh as I sat there dumbfounded by her presence.

"I'm not sure I am following you," I replied back as I looked up to find Angela coming in with two cups of coffee in hand. I thanked her and then watched her leave quietly so I could continue on with Jess.

"Bella, I am in need of an attorney since I am divorcing Edward," Jess said with tinkling laughter as if what she was saying was no big deal.

"You were the one I thought of since I am told you are the best in your field," she went on to say with a bright smile as I sat there dumbfounded.

"It should be an easy divorce since there is a prenup in place, but you knew that, didn't you?" she asked me with a giddy laugh that made me nervous.

"Uh, Edward and I never discussed your prenup or the wedding when we were together," I offered to her in a calm voice as I tried to hide my nerves. It was true, we had never talked about the prenup and as far as the wedding went, it was always me begging him not to go through with it, but she didn't need to know that.

"Oh, well, anyway, there is a prenup in place and so it should be an easy go. I just need an attorney to assist me in the process so that's why I'm here. You're the best and having you would be quite the kick in the ass to Edward," she snickered and then sipped her coffee daintily.

I took a drink as well and found myself wishing it was something stronger than just black coffee. There was no way I could represent Jess, not after the past I had with Edward. I couldn't do it. I just couldn't, not with the knowledge that I had tried to stop their marriage before it even began.

The emotional side of my refusal to represent this woman was not the only reason I knew I could not take her case. I was about to make partner in the Cullen Law Firm. I could not present a person against one of the Cullens since they owned the law firm that I was about to become a partner in, it would be unethical of me.

There was another reason along with the Cullens being the owner that stopped me and it was the odd work relationship that my making partner was creating between Edward and myself. Even if I wanted to represent Jess I would have to decline since Edward would be employed by me effective December thirty-first. I cannot represent her against one of my employees. The thought of Edward being my employee sent a fresh wave of nausea through me as I tried to focus on whatever it was that Jess was babbling on about until it would pass enough for me to speak without vomiting.

"Jess, I appreciate the offer, however, I will have to respectfully decline to work with you," I said in the most professional tone that I could muster in this odd situation.

"Why? I have the money to pay you. You're the best and I want you," she replied like a child being told no. It instantly irritated me. Who the hell was she to come in here and make demands? I had moved out of town so the rag could get her way. I had done enough to help her.

"I don't have to explain my decision to you, Jess. I said no. You need to find someone else who is willing to help you since I refuse," I replied icily as I thought of all the times that I had to put up with her. No amount of money was worth tolerating her now.

"But, it will be easy and we won't even have to file until after the first of the year to get the full amount," she countered back as if money would entice me.

"No thank you, Jess, now if you will excuse me," I said as I stood up to leave, hoping that she would take the hint that I wanted her to leave.

"If this is about Edward…" she started to say as she stood up slowly, unwilling to leave me in peace.

"It's not about Edward. I don't care about him, I just won't have a part in this, that's all," I replied as I motioned her towards my door. I wanted to laugh at my own words since they were more honest than I had intended for them to be. As if I would have an active part in the end of her marriage especially since I was such an active part in its inception.

"Your loss, Bella," Jess said in a snide manner as she walked past me in a huff that made me want to laugh even more. I watched her go and wondered what Edward thought about her filing for divorce. Was he upset or was he relieved like how she appeared to be? I did not have much time to think about it since Riley entered the office space telling me it was time to go if we wanted to make it to Rose's on time.

We left and went back to what was our apartment. It was a quiet place that was close to work. I still was not sold on the idea of living with Riley, but I was making it work. He was just so damn happy to have me with him that I could not say no.

We had just moved in and the place still seemed cold to me, like I didn't live there, even though my stuff was everywhere. We still did not have our things from California, not that it mattered just yet.

We changed quietly and headed back to the car. It was so much easier to spend time with Rose since Riley liked her and she really liked him. I used to tease her that she had some sort of an epic crush on Riley and she would only laugh, but never deny it. I wondered if Emmett knows about this crush of hers.

The drive over was short and tense since we both knew that Edward would be there tonight. As we parked the car I made Riley promise that he would be on his best behavior tonight since I knew how he felt about Edward, but I was in no mood to deal with Riley going all barbaric on me.

"If I am good what will I get?" he asked me teasingly and then leaned over to press a kiss to my neck in a suggestive manner.

"Good boys always get rewarded," I teased back as I crawled over the console to sit in his lap. I pressed a soft kiss against his lips, hoping that would be enough to sway him into behaving.

"For you, I will behave, but the moment I think that he is stepping out of line I will…" he started to say with a threatening tone, but I cut him off quickly.

"You will drop it and let me deal with it," I finished for him and then kissed him slowly, dragging my tongue against his in an effort to remind him of how he could be rewarded if he was good. This seemed to appease Riley enough that he grumbles an agreement that he would leave Edward alone.

We walked in and Emmett greeted us warmly as our night began. Over all the night went well. Edward was there, lurking nearby. I could feel his eyes on me, watching, waiting to talk to me. He had tried to talk to me several times over the night only for me to end the conversation by not responding to him. He stopped trying once he heard about me moving in with Riley. I could see the irritation on his face as Rose told him and then Riley added to it by mentioning us getting married, which was a joke. We had never mentioned marriage, hell I could barely handle living with him at the moment, so marriage was quite the stretch in my mind.

I watched as Edward left the room in a huff after Riley kissed me softly. I felt my anger rise at Riley. There was no need for that display. Edward and I were over and I was not about to let Riley act like an asshole just because he thought he had something to prove.

"Would you stop it," I whispered to him as I pulled him aside in the kitchen.

"What?" he asked in an innocent tone that pissed me off even more as he made his blue green eyes all wide and shocked looking.

"There is no need to start rumors of marriage when we have not discussed it at all," I whispered at him and then poked him in his side causing him to gasp in surprise.

"I would you know," he said as I turned away from him to join the others once more. I stopped mid step and turned to look at him with what had to be horror in my eyes. It was a silent question I had for him, asking him exactly what the hell he was talking about.

"I would marry you," he said as he tried to look me in the eye, but his nervousness took over, causing him to look away as his face flushed red. I was speechless. There was nothing I could say to that except now is not the time or place to discuss something like that. Riley nodded in agreement, but still kissed my hand as if I had said yes to him.

"Hey, no more mentioning Jess. You are not supposed to know that she came to see me," I whispered to Riley, regretting that I had told him about my visit from Jess today. He looked at me and smiled happily at my request like everything was fine between us. It was so far from fine.

The rest of the dinner went by in a blur. I needed to get out of there. I needed away from Riley, however, now that we lived together I could not even escape him there.

We played a round of 'ask Bella twenty questions' that I all dodged concerning making partner, but I was sure that Carlisle knew and was just opting not to say anything now. It was common knowledge that Tanya was selling the firm to Edward Cullen Sr. As part of the deal Mike, Tyler, Riley and I were to come on as partners. This was Tanya's way of taking care of us, but to me the jury was still out on if this was really an act of kindness. I was still unsure as to what to do about that.

On one hand I had worked way too hard not to be partner, on the other hand, being partner at the Cullen Law Firm was like selling my soul to the devil. I wasn't sure that I could do it. I wasn't sure I could work for a man that made it clear that I was not good enough for his grandson or the Cullen name. Part of me wanted to tell the old man to shove it up his ass and the other part of me wanted to accept the position just so I could tear the firm apart from the inside out.

I wasn't the only one who felt this way concerning accepting the position. Mike and Tyler were just as wary about the whole deal, but it was Riley who was just going off the deep end about it. He had gone on rants that if we accepted the position then it was just setting me back up to be in Edward's life. I had told him how much that would not happen, however once Riley set his mind to something you could not sway him otherwise.

It was those thoughts of what the hell to do now that had consumed me when Edward dragged me off to the spare room at Emmett's house. I went along with him since I knew; I just knew that if I didn't Edward would not stop on his quest to 'get answers' from me concerning me leaving him. I found it to be shocking that he was still consumed with anger over it.

Edward held my wrist as we walked back to the room together. I was overcome by the electricity that came from our connection. I had always felt a surge of electricity whenever we touched and yet now as I tried to pull out of his grip I was overcome by feeling it once more. It was as if time had stood still, as if nothing had happened between us. I tried to block the emotion that came with it, but it was there. I could still feel the want, and the excitement that always came with Edward touching me, but now it also came with a sense of dread.

I pulled away from him as Edward started to play quiz master concerning my living arrangements. He was the last person I wanted to have this discussion with, plus it was none of his damn business.

I was fine with his bizarre line of questioning until he told me that I did not look happy. I lost my mind in anger as he said this and as I lashed out at him it seemed like my anger triggered his. Edward started his list of demands concerning why I left him without notice, without a good bye, as if he deserved one.

I listened to him as I felt anger roar through my system until I could not take it any longer. I opened my mouth and unleashed every hate filled thought and hurtful accusation against him. I watched his face turn red at my words and then fall as I accused him of enjoying hurting me.

Once I was done the silence in the room was deafening. I listened to him take in a ragged breath and then heard his stuttering apologies that were three years too late, before I left him there slack jawed and defeated in the spare room.

I walked out to the front room on wobbly legs as if I was a new born colt just learning to walk. I avoided looking at Emmett, who had sat out in the front room as watchman for Riley since I knew if he was aware that I was alone with Edward he would go ape shit crazy over it.

"Riley, are you ready?" I called out in a hoarse sounding voice that did not even sound like me. I could hear his response and then I tried to compose myself before he entered the room.

I didn't remember saying good bye to everyone. I only remembered Riley escorting me to his car and then happily driving away. I tried to keep myself together since there was no way I could break down in front of Riley. I smiled at all the proper times and laughed like I meant it when he told me a joke. I responded to his questions and added some of my own, but inside I was shutting down, I was dying.

How fucking dare Edward accuse me of being jealous? I was never jealous of his life. I could tell that his life was miserable. He had to answer to everyone and yet was never left to make his own decisions. He had to perform for his grandfather like a puppet. I would never be jealous of that.

I kept up my calm exterior while Riley drove until we pulled up in front of our apartment. I needed out of here. I needed away from Riley, from Edward, from everyone. I turned to look at Riley, who looked so happy as he walked around to open the door for me. I looked at his handsome face that looked even more handsome with the happy smile playing upon his lips and I knew that I had to try to make this night work. I plastered a smile on my face and entered our place with him, while he went on about how we should bring our things form California here and get settled.

I let him ramble on until I started to make hot chocolate spiked with Bailey's Irish Cream. I knew that the combination of the warm hot chocolate and Irish cream would cause Riley to go to sleep faster than if I had fucked him silly so I kept the warm, comforting drink coming as Riley drank them down like a giddy school boy.

"Bella, just think this is our first Christmas," he said all dreamy like, telling me without saying that the alcohol was hitting its mark. Riley pulled me close in a warm hug until I was upon his lap. He had just started to nuzzle my neck in a playful manner when his phone went off. I stifled my giggle as he pulled it out of his pocket and looked at the screen with surprise.

"Hello, Erin," Riley said in a strained voice and then stood up, knocking me off his lap on to the floor in his haste to stand up. I watched, unsure as to what was going on, while sitting on our hard wood floor with an aching ass from the fall while Riley walked away from me as he spoke to her.

I got off the floor and followed him into the kitchen to find out what the hell was going on since he was acting so odd.

"Yeah, I understand and I wish that things were different," I heard him say with a sad note in his voice.

"Of course we can still be friends. No harm, right?" I could hear him say with a bit of strain in his voice as he spoke to her.

"Yes, it was …it was great Erin, and I don't want to hurt you, but I think you are misunderstanding me," he said softly with his eyes closed as if he was in pain. It happened to be at that moment that Riley realized that I was watching him, listening to his conversation with Erin.

"Erin, there is nothing more you can do for me, trust me on that," he said with a tone of regret in his voice as he looked at me with a sad eyes which he tried to cover with a smile for me.

"What's going on?" I asked him as I stepped closer to him while he was standing there staring at me.

"Yes, it is," he stammered in a nervous fashion into the phone and then wished her merry Christmas before ending the call. He stood there looking at me, uncertain as to what to say to me it seemed.

"What was that about?" I asked him as a sick feeling settled in over my stomach, making me feel like I would throw up all of a sudden.

"Uh, it was just Erin," he offered in a lame fashion that surprised me a little since typically Riley was a little more put together than that.

"Oh, well, what did she want?" I asked him as the sick feeling increased as I stepped closer to him, while he stepped back. I looked into his blue green eyes and saw discomfort as he looked away from me, as if he was avoiding my gaze.

"Uh…she wanted…she wanted to…she wanted to wish me merry Christmas," he stammered a bit and then recovered with a bright smile for me.

"She also wanted to know about jobs here in Seattle since the word was out there that we were most likely staying here permanently," he offered with a more sincere smile that did not ease the sick feeling I had. I tried to reason with what he said and I could see Erin calling over that. She had to be concerned for her job, knowing that Riley was staying here and not returning to California.

"Enough of work talk, come to bed with me," Riley said as he held out his large warm hand in an inviting manner for me. I wanted to take it and forget all about this day, knowing that I would have a hard day tomorrow of dealing with mom, but I felt guilty for some reason. I felt guilty for not telling him about my exchange with Edward. I reminded myself that Riley did not need to know everything and that if he knew he would only overreact to it.

"Come on," he said again with a teasing smile as he stepped closer to me, dazzling me with his brilliant white smile and handsome face. I took a deep breath as I relented, knowing that sleep sounded good and was needed after a night like this. I knew that my problems with Edward would be there in the morning along with my insane mother. I knew that my issues with Riley's behavior concerning Edward would only increase as we were announced as partners at the Cullen Law Firm. I knew that my nights of somewhat peaceful sleep were numbered so it was in my best interest to take advantage of a night of rest before the shit hit the fan.

I took hold of Riley's hand and allowed him to pull me to him in an embrace that warmed me and yet made the sick feeling stronger. I smiled as he kissed my cheek before turning us to go back to our shared bedroom. I swallowed all the unease I felt as I stripped down to my panties and slipped into Riley's t-shirt to sleep. I closed my eyes as I wrapped myself up in blankets and Riley on our bed, willing myself to sleep, but knowing that it would not come.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading and reviewing! It means the world to me really. I am sorry that I am still so behind in reviews, real life has been insane, so I hope you understand : ) **

**I wanted thank Icarustosun for her awesome skills and kind words concerning the story. Without her it would not be nearly as good or on track! Hugs to you!**

**I also wanted to send a special hello to a few of the reviewers like Eva, Lily and of course Bunch2009. Sorry it took so long to get this to you! There will be a part two and possibly a part three of Bella's POV before we are done here **

**Also, if you haven't checked it out, please check out the blog! Icarustosun has put a lot of her blood, sweat, and tears into it and I have to say I think it is amazing! We have our first story review posting soon as well as a new soap box topic that discusses alternate ends and just bad decisions like that concerning fanfic. **

**As if I have not given you enough to stew over I do have a request of you all. I am looking for some good angsty non cannon or slash stories. We are adding another page to the blog were those type of stories can be rec'd and since I am pretty much a cannon girl I do not know all the great angst non cannon or slash stories that I just know have to be out there. So if you have any let me know so we can get them posted!**

**Uh…. Like I said part two is almost done so maybe in a day or so as long as real life works with me I can get that to you : ) Outside of that I do have a rec for you this time and trust me when I say you HAVE to read it! It is Red by 22blue. It is amazing! It started out as an entry for the Beyond the Pale contest. I think it won too, well, if it didn't, it should have. The # on this amazing gem is 6224459. While you are at it check out her colab between her & Mac214 Ultio #5407229. That Edward made me cry and not always in a good way. Just read anything that she has written and I promise it will not disappoint you at all! OK, enough of my fan girl rants. So, if you have any rec's for me I'd love to hear them along with whatever non cannon or slashy rec's you got out there.**

**Until next time…. Which will be soon I promise : )**

**Take care,**

**Mamasutra**

**xxoo**


	18. Chapter 18

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

BPOV pt 2

The morning came quickly and with it came the excitement of Christmas morning. Riley had gotten up before me and made breakfast for us before we had to leave for Forks. We exchanged gifts and I was happy that he loved the ties and the old law journal that I had bought for him. Riley, on the other hand, went overboard with his gifts. I cringed internally as I opened a box to find a jewelry box inside waiting for me. It gave me flash backs to another Christmas with Edward and a necklace that was in the bottom of a box inside my closet along with other things that Edward had given me over our time together.

"Open it," he encouraged with a smile as he watched me closely. It made me nervous to be watched this closely. I pulled the box out and opened it slowly to find a lovely diamond bracelet that had a heart locket on the end of it. It was too much and I was at a loss for words over this gift.

"Riley, I… this is just too much," I stammered as I looked up at him in all his shirtless and bed head glory.

"No, it's not. It's perfect. Now let me help you put it on," he said with a smile as he took the bracelet out of the box and slipped it around my wrist that was closest to him. After it was secured upon my arm he pulled me close for a kiss. It was sweet and tasted of coffee that he had brewed. I could feel his want growing as he deepened the kiss, but I put an end to it as I pulled back, reminding him that we needed to leave for Forks shortly if we were going to make it on time for mom's brunch.

Riley agreed with me, however all my talk of no time for sex was thrown out the window when he joined me in the shower, causing us to be late for Christmas morning brunch.

Once we arrived at my parents' house, mom took me aside and reminded me of what beautiful children I would have with Riley and on a normal day that would have been enough to irritate me, however today, I was on edge long before I arrived there and no amount of shower sex would change that.

I was just about to open my mouth to correct her when Julie Biers, Demetri's mom walked in the room. She was happily announcing that Demetri's business was doing so well thanks to my help. I welcomed her interruption and happily talked about all the great things that Demetri had accomplished.

The day went on and as it did, I found myself sandwiched happily between Riley and Demetri. There was food to eat and presents to open. It was loud and crazy like any other holiday that I had ever had in our house. I was surrounded by the love and warmth that I had missed so much throughout the year that I decided that the move back to Seattle would be worth it just for these people in my life.

I was lost in conversation when I heard Riley's phone go off. I looked over at him, but he was already making his way out of the room with his back towards me so I could not ask him who was calling on Christmas day. I excused myself as quickly as I could to follow him since seeing him leave like that without another word gave me an uneasy feeling.

I had just made it into the kitchen as Riley was shutting off his phone. He looked sick as he stared out the kitchen window that was over the sink.

"Who was that?" I asked him, startling him as he stood there looking out the kitchen window with a pained look on his handsome face.

"Uh…It was Tanya calling to wish me merry Christmas and to remind me of the meeting tomorrow," he said with a smile that looked a little forced. It didn't settle well with me, but I had no reason to feel ill about the phone call. Tanya had called him thousands of times over the last three years over cases that he was working or whatever else she needed to know. Riley took hold of my hand and brought it up to his lips for a sweet kiss as his bracelet sparked on my wrist before walking us back into the family room to join the others once more.

At the end of the day I took off with Demetri with the promise to come right back. We were going to his parents' house to get something that he had wanted, but as we left I wondered if he made that up just to get me alone.

"What's going on B?" he asked me as we walked the deserted streets of Forks to his parents' house that was around the corner from mine.

"I don't know. I am all stressed out over this new job and Riley is acting strange," I said with a sigh as I looked away from him. I did not want to see the told you so look that I knew would be all over his face.

"Hum..." he muttered to himself as he paused long enough to light up a cigarette.

"What does that mean?" I asked him as he shrugged his shoulders at me and looked away.

"I don't know," he said as he waved his arm round in the air like he was painting a picture for a moment.

"Oh come on, just say it," I said as I stopped in the middle of the snow covered sidewalk, refusing to move until Demetri said what he needed to say.

"Ok, fine. I am going to say this and I know that you will be all pissed about it, but I just think something is off with Riley," he said with a rushed tone as he looked at me with a concerned look. I was shocked at his words. I had mentioned the odd behavior and the phone call from Erin to him in passing when Riley was forced to go back to his mom's house to get the salad for brunch that she had forgotten. I had told him because he was still the closest thing I had to a brother and I needed to unload on someone who would listen to me, but I had no idea that he would make something out of it.

Demetri looked at me expectantly as if I should say something back to him now and I was lost as to what to say.

"De, I think you're wrong. I don't believe Riley would ever hurt me like that," I stammered as I looked at him. As soon as the words left my mouth he rolled his eyes at me and laughed.

"Come on Bella! You're a divorce attorney for fucks sake!" he exclaimed as he waved his arms around once more as if I was missing the big picture of things. I stood there looking at him as if he had lost his fucking mind.

"If it looks like a duck, and acts like a duck, it is a duck Bella!" he said in a loud voice, using the old saying that I had heard my dad say a million times growing up in this god forsaken town.

"You tell me that he has changed, that he is more possessive. I watched as he pressured you into moving in with him. He now is getting phone calls from the office slut and none of this is ringing any warning bells for you there, Bella?" Demetri demanded as he started to walk once again since it started to snow on us.

"You're wrong. Riley would never do that to me," I said as I struggled to catch up with him.

"You are blind Bella," De huffed as he walked.

"If he wanted her all he had to do was say so. That was our agreement. I trust him De and I wish you would too," I said as I felt anger starting to build within me. Who the fuck was he to question us?

"Bella, it doesn't add up," Demetri said as we walked upon the porch to his parents' house together to avoid the snow.

"De, you don't know what Bree did to him. I know him and I know that he could never do that to someone, especially not me. We have too much pain from our past and he understands it," I said as I stood there defending Riley to his cousin, knowing damn well how much Demetri hated him.

I watched as De's face softened as I spoke. He knew what a mess Riley was after Bree. He knew that Riley was good to me; he had said it over and over before finding out that I was also sleeping with him.

"Fine, Bella, believe him. Riley would _never_ do that," Demetri said in a sarcastic tone as he unlocked his door and walked inside as I followed behind him quickly. His statement made me roll my eyes at him.

"You can roll your eyes all you want, but I know you Bella, and I know my cousin too," he said as he looked at me with his eyes so dark they almost looked black.

"What is the problem Demetri? Just say it because I don't understand it at all. I have always been happy for you, no matter what. Why can't you just leave this alone?" I asked him in a pleading tone. I watched his face soften as tears came to my eyes over what felt like his rejection over the whole damn thing.

"B, I was there the last time someone let you down," Demetri said softly as he held my gaze.

"I was there and I don't ever want to see you like that again," he said in the same soft voice as if he was talking to a child.

Demetri came back to Seattle right after I had left Edward. He arrived just after Edward came back from his honeymoon and had started his terror campaign to find me. Demetri was there, putting his own school as well as job on hold while he helped me try to piece things back together enough to graduate on time so I could get the hell out of Seattle.

"Bella, I was there and I don't ever want to see you that lost again," he whispered to me as if it was a secret over how hurt I was over Edward. Everyone knew that I barely survived leaving him. Everyone knew that I was dead inside when I left Seattle. Everyone who knew me, or him, or more importantly us together knew that I had to be pieced back together after I left him behind and it was Demetri who took that task.

When Demetri had arrived it had been six weeks since Edward's wedding to Jess. Six weeks since I had last touched him or breathed him in. Six weeks and I was acting like an addict going through withdrawals. Once Edward came back from his honey moon and realized that I was gone he went on a rampage like I knew he would. He was never good about being told no; I blamed his parents for that.

I had spent my time then hiding at Mike's when I wasn't in class. When I was in class it was a game of hide and seek as well. I would walk out and try to see if Edward was waiting to ambush me and more times than not he was. I was able to keep him from waiting for me by asking the security guard to escort him out. It also helped that the Chief of Police in Seattle came to talk to the guard and implied that he could help him get into the police academy if he helped out his goddaughter.

When I wasn't in class I would lose myself in my studies as a means to prevent myself from thinking of Edward. It worked for a while, but by the end of the day I would be right back to missing him so badly that my chest would ache. Demetri would watch me as I shut down night after night with a sad expression since no matter what he said, nothing changed anything in my life at the time.

I had tried to leave Edward before his wedding, that was Demetri's idea, and it did not work out because he was always there. I was forced into seeing him at work or school, and while part of me took a perverse sense of satisfaction in the pained look on his face whenever he saw me with, Alec, the guy I had dated, the other part of me hated it. I hated that I was so close to him and yet so far away. It was after that failed experiment that I knew I would have no choice except to leave him behind. It was also then that Demetri agreed to help me.

Demetri moved back to Seattle for a while to help me. I don't think that was his original plan. I think he originally thought that he would come and check on me, but once he got here he stayed with me for a while. He would make sure that I was eating and tried to get me to sleep. It was hard since everything reminded me of Edward.

It took a couple of weeks and a lot of tears before I finally started to try to pull myself together. It took months before I could smile without it being forced. It took a year before I could eat Chinese food, which was Edward's favorite, or listen to certain bands, or really anything that reminded me of Edward without me breaking down, and even then there were rough days. Demetri was along for that long, painful ride and I could not blame him for being scared of a repeat performance.

"Bella, I am just saying, I can't stand to see you like that again," he whispered to me as if it was our dirty little secret and maybe it was. I had only let Demetri see how affected I was by Edward, how truly broken I had been over how it all played out.

"You won't. I promise, De, you won't," I said back to him with a smile that I hoped would comfort him a bit. He looked at me as if he was trying to read my mind and then after a moment he nodded his head as if he was accepting what I was saying to him.

We walked back to my parents' house and once we returned I was greeted by a nervous Riley. He pulled me close for a kiss and then announced that we needed to get back to Seattle. I hated to leave, but he was right, we had a lot of work ahead of us plus Tanya had a meeting with us tomorrow where we would discuss the merger in more detail, which also meant that Mr. Cullen would be there as well.

I hugged Demetri and he promised to come to our place tomorrow and after my good byes to everyone else we left. The drive back to Seattle was quiet and relaxing. We didn't really talk, but instead opted to listen to music. I forced the nagging doubts over Riley out of my head as he looked at me in an adoring manner, as if I was the only girl in the world for him.

It was in that moment that I just knew that Riley could not hurt me like that. I knew that Riley would have never slept with Erin without disclosing that to me. He would not hurt me like that. He had been hurt by another like that so I just knew that he could not do that to anyone, especially me. He knew the pain I had gone through with being second best in Edward's life. He knew that I would not settle for second best ever again and we had promised each other that simple courteously of ending whatever we had going on before fucking someone else. I trusted him in the fact that he would do as he said concerning us and our agreement.

"What are you thinking about?" Riley asked me, pulling me out of my thoughts with the sound of his voice.

"I was thinking about you," I replied with a smile that made his smile grow wider.

"Naughty thoughts?" he asked me in a teasing manner that made me laugh a little. He was always so hopeful that every interaction we had would end in sex.

"No, I was thinking about you and how you would never hurt me," I replied with a soft smile as I took hold of his free hand in mine.

"I am sorry I've been a little distracted over this move in. It's just that…this is hard for me and I don't want you to ever think that it's me not wanting you since that's not the case. I just…I am just a little uncertain about relationships, that's all. I know you would never hurt me and so I will try harder, I promise," I said to him as he looked at me with smile that seemed to fade a bit as I spoke softly to him.

"I would never purposely hurt you," he managed to say in a soft voice as he tried to look at me and drive at the same time. I smiled at his words and then squeezed his hand before looking back out into the black night that surrounded our car as he drove.

I had fallen asleep while he drove since the next thing that I remembered was Riley carrying me into our apartment.

"Go back to sleep babe," he whispered as he laid me out on the bed, but I slowly sat up anyway.

"Stay with me," I whispered as I tried to grab his hand to hold him to me as he pulled away.

"Bella…" he said slowly and it was then that I could see he was upset. The light from the bathroom brought just enough light into the room for me to see that his face was contorted in a mask of pain. I felt a sick panic settle over me as I watched him try to pull away from me.

"Bella, I have to tell you something," he said in a voice that sounded so painful. I looked at his handsome face and could see a sick look settle over his features as he stepped away from our bed to put some distance between us.

"What's wrong?" I asked him as I fought the urge to vomit as it settled in my stomach once more. Something was wrong, very wrong and whatever it was had Riley twisted in pain over it.

"Bella…" he stammered as I held his hand in mine. I could see the fear in his eyes as we looked at each other. I waited for his words, knowing that whatever he had to say was going to hurt just based on how he was acting. I took a deep breath and braced for impact, but instead of words Riley moved at lightning speed and wrapped me in his arms.

I was knocked backwards on the bed as Riley descended upon me with a heated kiss. His hands were everywhere, pulling, feeling, and finally, unbuttoning my shirt so he could cup my breasts in his large hands. The sensation of his thumbs rubbing over the stiff peaks of my breasts caused me to moan against his lips just as his mouth opened up above mine so he could thrust his tongue into my mouth suggestively, making me moan once more.

I felt cold air against my skin as Riley unhooked my bra with skill that he had earned during all our heated times together and then I watched as it found its place on the floor by my shirt that he had discarded rapidly. His mouth and hands were distracting me and as hard as I tried to keep focused on keeping my head in the situation it was lost as I felt his fingers tease me through the layers of denim that separated my skin from his. I shifted against him as he moved his hand away as he started to undo my jeans before tugging them and my panties down my legs as quickly as he could. His mouth was licking and sucking against my breast causing me to react to his actions by sinking my hands into his sandy colored hair.

I could hear his murmuring words as he alternated between kissing and sucking my left nipple. I could not understand what he was saying it was too low and soft for me to understand, plus my brain was starting to muddle from his attention. Riley knew that I was a very sexual person. I used sex with him as a tension reliever and with all the stress over the last couple of days my body was aching for release.

I felt his hand against me again as he slowly started to descend down my body as his fingers, swirled around in my wetness before stroking my inside confidently like he had done so many times before. I started to lose myself to the sensation of what would build into a sweet release when Riley started to kiss back up my neck to my ear so that he was breathing against my ear harshly. I squirmed against his lips as my ears were always sensitive as he kissed my ear once more before pulling away from me to remove his own clothes while I lay bare beneath him.

I watched him in the glow of the bathroom light. He was magnificent looking with his muscular body and hard lines. I wanted to trace every sinewy muscle with my tongue. I looked at his face and found him watching me.

"What are you thinking?" he asked me in a soft voice as he stepped closer to me with a soft smile that did not match how hard and erect his body was.

"I was thinking about how much I wanted to lick you," I replied honestly as he groaned softly before joining me on the bed and whatever he wanted to say to me was lost to the sensation of his skin against mine.

We slowly explored each other which was different from the heated rush that this joining started out as until he finally pushed inside of me with a sigh as if he had been waiting for that moment all day.

Riley made love to me slowly, pausing once to hold off his own climax as I reached mine several times over until he could hold back no longer and he finally released inside of me with a groan and hot breath against my neck as he pressed himself as close to me as he could. It was intimate and I found myself clinging to him as I shook in the aftermath of our love making.

Riley pulled away from me just enough so that he could look at me without untangling his body from mine. His blue green eyes shined in the semi lit room. His face was as serious as it looked before we had made love, causing me to snicker a little.

"I love you Bella," he said softly to me with such sweet confidence.

A normal girl would have been thrilled to hear such sentiment, but I was not a normal girl. I was a woman who was terrified over such a statement and so his words washed over me like a bucket of ice water, taking away any warm afterglow that I had and leaving behind cold, black confusion.

Riley must have sensed my confusion since he quickly continued on with his dreaded speech.

"I know that you weren't expecting me to say that and please know that I do not expect you to say that in return even though I would love to hear that more than anything," he stammered as he lay on top of me, still inside of me while awkwardness settled over us like a wet blanket.

"I thought you needed to know that and I could not stop myself from saying it any longer," he stammered as he slowly moved off me, giving us the space that I needed at this time.

"I love you Bella Swan," he said again with conviction that scared me as I felt my breath picking up as my heart started to pound in my chest.

"Oh, Riley …I just," I stammered as I tried to find the words to say to him, but nothing came to me. I was blank. I had no words for him and he was not surprised.

"Shh," he said to me with a smile that made me cringe a little.

"It's ok. I know," he said with a sad smile. He knew that I could not say it yet, hell maybe ever.

"I just hope that one day you can say it back and until then, you need to know that I love you," he said with the same sad smile on his face. I nodded at him since I could not even find the words to respond to him.

Riley moved all the way off me so we were no longer tangled together. He rolled on to his side and then pulled me flush with his back so we were spooning together. I could feel him breathing in my hair as he nuzzled into my neck while I lay there, stiff as a board from his declaration. I felt him snuggle closer and then whisper good night to me before kissing my cheek in a loving manner. I continued to lay there as I felt his body slowly relax until he was completely at ease and I could hear the slight snore he had whenever he slept.

I listened to his snoring and sighing while my mind raced out of control. Riley Biers loved me. He was brave enough to tell me, knowing that I could not say it back. He told me he loved me knowing that I may never be able to say it to him, and that broke my heart.

I tried to remember back to a time when I was a girl crazy in love and all I wanted was to hear him say it back. I would have done anything to hear those words come from Edward, but he would never say it. Now, here I am with Riley offering me his love and I cannot find anything wonderful or happy about it.

My mind continued to race as I lay there and all I could think about was how the words were right, but the wrong man was saying them. I had no idea how to react to this and the more I thought about it the sicker I felt as I lay there.

I slowly slipped myself out of Riley's arms and slipped on his discarded t-shirt and my panties before stepping out into our front room to sit by the tree to think. I had always loved Christmas, and the years after I left Edward behind was hard since I would always think of him and that one magical Christmas with his necklace along with his promise to be mine. After he'd broken his promise and I had left, I could barely stand Christmas at all. Riley helped with that. Riley helped with everything in my efforts to get over Edward.

I was lost in my thought about Riley when my phone went off. It was late for a phone call so I was surprised to see that it was my dad calling me.

"Hey," I responded as I answered the phone.

"Hey Bells, sorry it's late, but I wanted to call you," he said in a slow tone that only my father could take with me. I paused and gave him time to say whatever it was that he needed to say.

"I wanted to let you know how happy your mom was that you were back home for Christmas," he said with a smile in his voice that I could not miss. This was so like my dad so lay whatever happiness or irritation on my mom so that it looked like he was completely a bystander in our family.

"Well, I'm glad I could make her happy for a change," I offered back to him with a laugh. We talked for a while and without thinking I found myself spilling everything to my father. I told him about Edward being around and his anger towards me. I told him about Riley, the odd behavior and then finally him telling me that he loved me. I left out the sex part, but he was not stupid and he knew that I was intimate with Riley, hell I was living with the guy.

"What do I do Dad?" I asked him, suddenly feeling like a young girl once more seeking advice from her wise father.

"Well, love is a scary thing Bella and it is even scarier once you have had a taste of it only to watch it go bad," Dad said with a tired sigh that I could hear through the cell phone.

"It's tough since I know how much you cared for the Cullen boy, but you know that is over and done with. He married another girl and you haven't looked back since then. Riley, well that is another thing all together," he said with another sigh as if he was thinking over what to say.

"If you are asking me what I think as your father, well then I would tell you that Riley Biers would never be good enough for you, but you must know that I think no man will ever be good enough for my daughter," he said with a sad laugh that made me laugh as well. After the laughter died down he continued on with a firm tone to his voice.

"That Riley makes you smile and he understands you better than most. I think he takes pretty good care of you from what I can see and you seem happy with him," he said randomly to me as if he was creating a list of positive things about Riley.

"Honey, I know it isn't the way you wanted it, but sometimes you have to love what is good for you," Dad said with a firm tone that sounded so sure.

"Just think about it," he said and then wished me good night before we hung up the phone.

I sat on the couch thinking about Riley. The more I thought the more I discovered that I did love him and that love had been there for a while. I realized it as I thought of how happy he made me and how I strived to make him happy as well. It was in the little things, and yes, it was in the big things like sex. I loved him, but it wasn't like how I loved Edward and maybe that was what was confusing me.

I had loved Edward with everything I had. I would have moved mountains for him. It was a passionate, all consuming love that burned brightly before it burned me up completely. This love with Riley was a slow burn and maybe it was the slow burn that would win the race.

I sat there and thought about the future and yes, I could see one with him. I could see the white wedding in the small Lutheran church there in Forks with our old friends and family surrounding us. I could see snowy winters and summer vacations. I could see babies with his eyes and smile. I could see it all and it was beautiful.

"Bella, baby, come to bed with me," I heard Riley say, startling me as I turned to look at him as he stood in the doorway to the living room in his boxers that he must have slipped on. His hair was standing up on end from my hands raking through them. His face was contorted like the light of the Christmas tree was too much for his tired eyes. He looked rumpled and warm from sleep. He looked breath taking and it made my heart pound in my chest as I realized that I loved him too.

I stood up and walked closer to him where he waited with his arms open for me. Once I reached him I felt his arms wrap around me in a soft embrace before turning us back to the bed room. In the dark of our bed room I slipped off the t-shirt that I had put on and my panties so that I would be bare next to him like we typically slept while Riley shed his boxers. He pulled me close to him to hold me like he always did.

I waited until we were settled against each other before I turned in his arms to face him. He opened his sleepy eyes in surprise as I pressed a soft kiss against his lips. I pulled away from his lips just far enough to speak.

"I love you too Riley," I whispered to him and then watched his face light up like the Christmas tree that was in our living room, shining brightly full of love.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading and reviewing! OK, please do not flame me here! Trust me when I say that the truth will come out in the next couple of chapters and it was impossible to avoid Bella realizing that she loved him as well so don't hate on me too much over that. The interesting thing will be how she reacts to the news…..**

** Thanks to Icarustosun for holding my hand on this chapter. You are the best! Hugs to you!**

** Once more I will suggest checking out the blog. The site is listed in my profile. If you do, please tell me what you think!**

** I just started on part 3 of BPOV which will have her back in the room with Edward at the announcement. I hope to have that to you in the next couple of days as well. I would like to have to done before the weekend, but I won't hold my breath.**

**Until next time….**

**Take care,**

**Mamasutra**

**xxoo**


	19. Chapter 19

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

BPOV pt 3

The morning was bright and while Riley was still on some sort of love high, I awoke with a pending sense of doom that no amount of Riley's kisses could change. Today was the day of our meeting with Tanya. We would meet her at the Cullen Law Firm to pick out what would be our offices there.

We showered and dressed casually since there would be no one there to greet us so why over dress on a day off? It did not take long for us to get ready and the drive there was shorter yet. Riley parked the car and slowly we got out. I could hear him rambling that this would be ok. He had turned a new leaf since our last night's love confessions. He awoke with the idea that all would be fine with us working at Cullen office. I guess he just needed to hear that it was him and not Edward that I wanted, even though it was hard for me to say.

I stepped out of the car and looked up at the building. It was located in the business sector in the heart of Seattle. It was vibrant and welcoming during normal business hours, but empty and closed it looked foreboding and had a sense of danger about it. I mentioned this to Riley, who just laughed at me saying that my imagination was in overdrive this morning.

We walked into the open lobby and a security guard that I remembered from three ago as being named Gus, let us into the main building. He looked at us funny and I felt like his eyes lingered on me just a little too long. I wondered and then hoped like hell that he had not recognized me from past exploits with Edward since office sex had been a favorite past time of ours.

We walked through the lobby area and headed towards the small conference room where we could hear voices, alerting us that people were already in there, waiting for us most likely. I slowed my pace enough that Riley noticed as we walked side by side, no longer holding hands.

We had agreed to wait until the announcement was made to announce our involvement together. He hated the idea of waiting and wanted people to know right away, but I was able to talk him into it by reminding him of the Cullen policy of no office romance, not that anyone ever followed that policy. After Riley relented he stated simply that the office romance policy would be the first rule that we would change.

"It will be fine, Bella," he whispered to me as I slowed down even more, stalling before entering that room.

"Easy for you to say," I offered with a grumble, knowing that Ed Sr. never bothered Riley; it was always me that he bitched at or gave reminders that I was never good enough. He and I would clash all of the time. I think he would seek me out since I was the only person who did not censure their words to him. I think he liked it when I would tell him to go to hell.

We walked into the room and was greeted by Tanya and Garrett, but no Ed Cullen. Tanya explained that he would not be there. He was running late and not sure if he would make it at all. He sent his assistant Jane to help us settle in and pick offices.

I looked over at the petite blonde that was standing by Tanya's side with a fake happy expression that made me sick. I did not remember her from my time here before, so she must be new. I smiled hello at her and then continued to look around the conference room.

It was decorated the same way with its cool gray tones and abstract paintings. It took me back to a different time and I wasn't sure if I could handle being back there.

"Bella, are you listening?" Tanya called to me pulling me out of my memories of times spent here in this very room with Edward.

"Oh, sorry Tan, you know me with my head in the clouds," I replied as I looked over at her with a smile. She laughed a little, but then reminded me of the lack of time we had to take care of this.

I sat back and listened carefully as Jane went over the pack that we were about to sign. What was being offered was more than generous and it left us with the ability to buy out other partners or have them buy us out as well. It was more than what I had dreamed of and I tried to relish the moment, knowing that every date I passed on, every night spent working or reading or whatever to promote myself, was actually worth it.

"Ok, now we just need to decide upon office. I will show you what we have available and from there we can make arrangements," Jane said in a tense tone as she pulled out her note book. She had also brought up some images on her computer of the empty offices, but I knew which one I wanted before she even asked.

I wanted the corner office that over looked down town so I could watch all the traffic passing by through its big windows. I knew that it had its own bathroom and personal space. I knew all of these because a long time go Edward had showed it to me.

_"Come on," Edward called to me as he motioned for me to follow him from the break room. I looked at him skeptically since he was being so secretive by pulling me away._

_ "Come on Bella," he said and gave me sad eyes that always made me laugh at him as he tried to get his way once more._

_ I slowly got up and followed him towards the door. He took hold of my hand in his and I reveled in the feel of his skin against mine for the moment before he started walking once more down the office lined hallway away from our shared space._

_ We walked to the end and then Edward opened the door to walk into an empty office. It was large and had big, beautiful windows that lured you in. There was a large desk that look impressive and yet inviting that greeted us. Off to the left there was another door that opened into what appeared to be a bathroom._

_ "What is this place?" I asked Edward as we walked in the empty room together while he watched my reaction to the bare office._

_ "This will be my office one day when I make partner," he said with a wide smile and told me of all the wonderful things that he would do once he was partner. Edward had such dreams and oddly enough they always included me._

"Ms. Swan, the gentlemen have given you first choice. What office would you like?" Jane asked me, pulling me out of my memories of Edward with her shrill voice.

"I want the one on the corner here, if it's still open," I said, showing to the group that I had not been paying attention at all to what offices she had shown us. I guess my lack of attention did not matter since she nodded her head and made some notes before turning to me to advise that we would discuss if the color was acceptable after I had viewed it.

After that exchange I continued to listen half heartedly as other benefits were explained as well as what options we had concerning our assistants. It was not until Jane had excused herself to get coffee that I noticed that Tyler was staring at me. I looked at him, asking him silently what he wanted, but Tanya quickly started back up concerning all the hard work she had invested to get us these positions before selling the business. It was very much her moment to pat herself on the back over all her good deeds. I refrained from rolling my eyes at her since in my mind she had sold us to the highest bidder, and that was Edward Cullen Sr.

I excused myself from the room once Tanya was done with her speech about her greatness to explore what would be my office. I walked along the hall, peering into offices that I had known three years ago. I marveled over how some of the names were still the same, showing me that they had not changed or moved on in the last three years.

I walked slowly past what had been my shared office with Edward, letting the flood of a million different emotions wash over me as I did so. I knew it would be tough to come back here. I knew that it would be emotional as I stood in these hallways, but I had no idea what emotions would actually win out.

I stood outside of the door to my old space and looked towards the name plate, expecting the name of some new law intern, but was shocked to see Edward's name still proudly displayed there. He had kept our office.

My head was spinning with emotions since Edward had remained where we were. He stayed in an office that was full of memories of laughter, dreams, and hidden kisses from the other office staff. I wanted to open the door and walk in, but decided against it as I turned away from it with a sigh. This office was the past and I was not about to reopen the past.

I turned and continued down the hall, counting the doors along the way. There would only be four office doors between Edward and me. This would be difficult. I would be forced into seeing him every day. I would have to walk past our old office, his current office, just to get to mine. Edward Cullen would be everywhere in my life once more after three years of doing my best to block him out.

I opened my new office door and took in the sight. It was the same with the big windows and nice desk. I didn't care about the light gray on the walls; it all was the same for me. I was sitting in the office chair, watching the people outside as they walked by when Jane appeared out of thin air to ask me if everything met my standards, as if my standards were high. I nodded yes and then thanked her so she could go about her way to assist the guys since I had no doubt they would be difficult, since they always were.

After sitting in silence for a while, thinking of my time at the Cullen Law Firm prior to my departure I decided that it was time to exorcise the demons from my past. I was going to go into Edward's office and look around. I knew this was the only chance I had before he would be here and I would not be able to have free reign over it like I wanted.

I walked down the hall that separated our offices quietly, hoping not to gain attention from Riley, whose office was across the way. I reached his door and looked at his name plate once more. If you looked really closely on the wall you could still see the adhesion marks from where my former name plate sat.

I tested the handle to see if it was locked and was not surprised to find it unlocked since Edward never remembered to lock the door behind him. I slipped into the office and half shut the door so Riley could not see me in here.

I knew if Riley caught me in here he would not understand. He would not understand my need to see the office that I had shared with Edward. He would not understand the burning desire I had to see what time had done to the space that I had once held so dear to me.

My heart was pounding in my chest as I looked around the room that was well lit from the light streaming in through the windows. I laughed to myself as I noticed that the shades were pulled all the way up allowing as much light in as possible. Edward was like that, he always wanted the shades open. He had always wanted what little sunlight Seattle would offer us.

I looked to my side and found the same brown leather couch that had been crammed in here when we had shared the space. I could still see us sitting on the couch eating lunch together or reading law journals. I also remembered all the times we had made love on that same couch when the office was empty and it was just us here alone.

I walked over to it and tentatively touched the leather. It still felt the same against my skin with its cool texture and warm leather scent. I was somewhat surprised to see the couch still here. I would have thought Edward would have it replaced by now, especially considering all the memories tied to it, but maybe he wasn't as affected by these memories as I was. Maybe he never really cared, just like I had thought.

I walked over to his desk slowly, like I was approaching a ticking bomb. This was where he spent his time now. This would tell me the most about him after our three years apart and yet looking here scared me a bit since I had no idea what I would find. I knew the Edward of three years ago. I knew that every Wednesday he would go to Mr. Wang's restaurant that was around the corner for their lunch buffet because he loved their General Tao Chicken and because he would laugh at their name. I knew that he drank his coffee black and that he ended the day with drinking tea since he would say that he found it soothing. I knew all these useless bits of information about him that were correct three years ago, but I had no clue about the Edward of today.

I walked behind the desk and moved the chair slightly as I took a better look at what was on his desk. Edward had always been incredibly neat and tidy with his desk, so I was not surprised to see that every pen and pencil was in place. I snickered at the way the phone lined up perfectly with his desk pad as if he'd taken the time to line them up perfectly. I imaged that he had actually done this.

I looked over to see if there were any pictures any-where, since his desk was bare of them and there was none. The only pictures were ones on the wall and there were abstract paintings very similar to the ones that were randomly placed in the hallways. There was nothing really personal about this space at all that told me that Edward was here outside of the insane organized manner that the desk top was arranged in.

I turned to leave and as I did I bumped the mouse of his computer causing his screen saver to come alive and as it did I found myself staring at the picture on the screen in shock. Edward had a picture of Fountains at Bellagio Hotel in Las Vegas. In the picture it was night time and the hotel was in the background in a majestic manner with the beautiful fountains with water spraying upwards while shining pink.

This picture would not appear out of the norm to anyone. Anyone else would look at this picture and think that Edward might have pulled it off the internet, but I knew better. I knew this picture since I was the one who had taken it. I could tell it was mine by the shadowy shoulder on the left hand side; it had come from a man that was there with his wife and had stepped into the frame just as I snapped the picture while Edward held me in his arms from behind.

I was lost while looking at this picture, thinking of my time in Vegas with Edward. We had been working at the law firm for a while and it had been wonderful. It had been full of grunt work while fitting our studying along side of whatever the senior partners assigned us. I loved it and every day I walked into the building with a sense of happiness that could not be measured, but that could also be because of the man at my side most days.

One day Edward came into our office and told me that we were being sent to a law conference in Las Vegas. It was our turn to go and take notes for those people who should be going, but did not have the time. I remember asking him who else was going and how he smiled the wicked smile when he told me that it was just him and me.

We spent four days and three nights in Vegas being just Edward and Bella without limitations or hidden secrets. When we walked somewhere Edward would hold my hand. We would shop and I would find myself being held by him tightly or just kissed in the middle of a crowded walk way just because we could. We would have candle lit dinners in our suite that we shared at the Bellagio. We had spent one whole day where we did not even leave our room since we had chosen to spend the day making love instead.

We never once attended the conference we had been sent to attend. We spent our only get away together wrapped up in each other without hiding a damn thing from all the people around us.

I remembered the night the picture on his computer screen was taken since Edward was over the moon happy as well as slightly drunk. We had spent the day making love and then that night had gone to the casino. While playing dice Edward managed to win five thousand dollars so this string of good luck only added to the high he was on. We had gone to the fountain and as I snapped pictures of the beautiful water and light show that played he held me tight while whispering in my ear how I was his lucky charm. He whispered how he could not have any of this without me, and then finally he whispered how we should get married while we were here. I told him how insane that would be and after the picture was taken we went back to our room together for some more alone time. I remembered how the next morning we both awoke, hung over, yet happy. Edward never mentioned his marriage proposal ever again so I chalked it up to the booze talking like it did at times with Edward.

I thought back over our time in Vegas and how nice it had been not to hide anything. I thought about how he would look at me with his green eyes blazing and how he held me close every chance he got. I laughed to myself as I thought of all the public displays of affection we had and how Edward told me he could not resist me. He never told me that he loved me, but that weekend I could see it in his eyes, he didn't have to say the words, they were there, just unspoken.

I was still stuck in my mind when I heard someone clear their throat softly as if they were announcing their presence. I jumped in surprised as I turned towards the door, praying that it was not Edward. I looked to see who was there and was surprised to find Ed Sr. standing there watching me with a smirk on his face that I suddenly wanted to wipe off with a smack.

"Well, Bella, I wondered how long it would take for you go investigate your old stomping grounds," he said with a sweet tone that made me sick. Edward Cullen Sr., or Grandpa, if you will, had caught me in the middle of a flash back in Edward's office.

"I just wanted to see how it had changed," I offered lamely and then wished I had just kept my mouth shut.

"Yeah, well, as you see, not much has changed. Edward refused to change offices when he had the chance. Well, we had to fight with him about removing your old desk when we did. He seemed to be stuck on the idea that you would come back and I guess he was right since here you are," Mr. Cullen said with a happy smile while I bit my tongue.

"Mr. Cullen, I am not back by choice. I am told my position was part of the merger deal," I said with a sickening sweet tone that made him grin since I knew that he had demanded me as part of the deal with Tanya, she had told me so when mentioning what a wonderful opportunity this would be for me.

"Please, we are co workers now Bella. Call me Ed," he offered with that same smart ass smirk on his face. I looked at him and could not see Edward at all in this individual. This man was cold and heartless. There was no life in him that I could see while Edward was all fire and passion. I wondered if he had gotten that from his mother since Carlisle displayed the same icy exterior as Mr. Cullen at times.

"Thank you Ed, and please call me Isabella, not Bella," I replied with a harsher tone than what I had intended as my anger burned through my system.

"Going by your formal name now? I had not heard," he replied with a confused look, as if he was surprised by my request.

"No, I only allow my friends to call me Bella and we are not friends, so you may call me Isabella," I replied with an icy smile as he broke out laughing at me.

"Oh, Isabella, I have missed your spitfire temper!" he exclaimed as he laughed while I remained silent, looking at him and wondering how in the hell I ended up here in the first place.

"I bet that is what my grandson saw in you as well," he said with a smile that was too knowing. I hated that this man knew about Edward and I. I hated it since whatever it was that Edward and I had this man tainted it. He made it dirtier than what it was. He made me seem dirtier than what I had been.

"I have no idea what Edward saw in me and whatever it was it clearly wasn't enough to stop his lap dog tendencies for you," I countered back with a smile as I watched a scowl settle over his face.

"Yes, I know and I had such hopes for the boy," he said with a sad smile as he looked at me with his dark blue eyes that made me uncomfortable.

"Bella, are you in here?" I heard Riley call out as I listened to his footsteps come closer.

"Riley, she's in here," Ed called as he smiled at me warmly.

"I think she is just taking a trip down the memory lane," Ed teased as I rolled my eyes at him while Riley hovered in the background. I stepped away from the desk and walked across the room to leave without another word to Ed. He could go to hell for all I cared.

Once I was out in the hall I stepped towards Riley who was waiting for me with an uncertain look. I smiled at him, trying to tell him all was fine, but I knew I would hear about this later as we walked away from Ed and Edward's office.

"What was that about?" Riley asked me as we walked to my office since it was closer than his, which was located across the floor from mine.

"Nothing really. I just wanted to see what the old space looked like now," I offered as I closed the door behind us so we were alone. Riley said nothing, but just nodded his head at me instead as if he was trying to understand what I was saying to him.

We only stayed at the office a little longer as the final plans were established for the announcement. While Ed went on about teleconferences all I could think about was Edward's reaction. I had no idea if he knew about this or not, but I was willing to bet that he did not. I decided that this was Ed's problem, not mine. I had not promised Edward a position of partner at the Cullen Firm, that was Ed. All the promises I had made to Edward, I had kept.

We went home that night and relaxed. Riley was still so happy from my declaration that he did not even mention Edward or my visit to his office at all that night, but instead just made love to me on the couch while whispering he loved me over and over again. I fell asleep that night in his arms while dreaming of the Fountains of Bellagio and whispered promises by a green eyed angel with a smile like the devil.

The days passed quickly and soon we were looking at New Years Eve, the launch date of our new careers at the Cullen Law Firm. Riley found me that morning dry heaving into the toilet since I had not eaten anything yet that morning. He said nothing to me, but instead just wet down a cool cloth and held up my hair while pressing it against the back of my neck while my body fought to get rid of whatever bit of fluid that was in my stomach. Once the retching settled down I looked over at Riley in almost a guilty fashion since he did not need to sit in here with me as I got sick.

"Are you ok?" he asked me finally, filling the awkward silence of our small bathroom. I assured him that I was fine as I clung to the toilet once more while another wave of nausea hit me full force.

"Are you pregnant?" he asked me in very scared sounding whisper. I looked up at his face and I could see the fear and concern in his eyes.

"No, I am not pregnant. I am on the pill remember?" I said to him as I scowled. How dumb did he think I was if he thought I would allow myself to get pregnant now that everything is coming together for me and for us.

"I was just wondering... I mean, you're throwing up," he stammered softly as he rubbed my back in a soothing manner that made me sigh.

"Riley, I had my period two weeks ago, remember? You complained about it," I replied with irritation since he had pissed me off by complaining about it.

"Yeah, I guess," he replied with a shake of his head while I rolled my eyes at him. He slowly helped me up as I explained that it's nerves that was upsetting my stomach not his bastard child. He flushed red at my words and then kissed my cheek before leaving me in the bathroom.

I looked in the mirror at the pale reflection of myself. I looked tired and washed out. I looked like hell and I felt like it too. I tried to tell myself that I should be happy since I was coming back to the Cullen Law Firm as a winner. I was coming back the victor and not the same cowering girl who ran off in the middle of the night like I had. I tried to reason with myself that this was a good thing, but I could not force myself to believe it.

I knew that this was bad. I knew that Edward would be hurt by this, by me taking a job that he had been prepped for since the age of five. I knew that while this was Mr. Cullen's problem it also was mine since I knew more than anyone else all the things he did to try to keep Grandpa happy so he could be partner one day. It was betrayal and I tried to tell myself that my betrayal was far different than his, but it did not stop me from feeling horrible about it.

I showered and dressed while Riley left me alone. He did not understand why I was so conflicted. He told me time and again that I should be happy, that this is a reward for good work and not a punishment for bad behavior. I knew he meant well, but it did not change a thing for me.

How was I supposed to be comfortable about this change? I felt like I was taking something from Edward, something that was his and not mine to have. I knew that I had earned the position. I had given up a normal life for this position, but there was this small part of me that felt like I was just as guilty as Mr. Cullen for being a part of this mess concerning Edward.

After we both were ready we rode over to the Cullen Law Firm together. Mr. Cullen had us waiting in a small conference room filled with breakfast pastries and premium coffee. Just the scent of the food nearby made me sick until I found myself puking what coffee I had drank that morning into the trash can while Mike watched in horror.

Riley rubbed my back while I sat there waiting to get better control over myself, knowing that it was a lost cause. I could hear Mike whispering to Tyler about me.

"She looks pale. We should have never agreed to this. We should have turned down the money," I could hear him say. It was so like Mike to be worried for me and concerned that somehow we had made the wrong decision to go along with the partnership with the Cullen Law Firm.

"I'm fine. I am just nervous," I said as I sat there and closed my eyes, enjoying Riley's hands upon me.

The time passed and as I watched the clock I knew that it was getting close to when we would be announced. I could hear the people moving outside the door and the whisperings of wonderment over what was going on until finally Jane opened the door for us.

I could hear Mr. Cullen talking and from the distance I could see Carlisle off to his side with a serious look on his face. I wondered if he was concerned about what his son's reaction would be to being denied partner at this time.

"Please welcome Michael Newton, Tyler Crowley, Riley Biers and Isabella Swan," I heard Ed say with a confident voice as I watched Mike start to walk out the door with Tyler following close behind. Riley took my hand and gave a squeeze before he kissed my cheek and soon we both were walking out into a crowd that was clapping our arrival.

It was unbelievable and I felt like I was having an out of body experience as I smiled a wide confident smile even though I felt sick inside. I made up to the front of the room and was forced into shaking Ed's hand.

"Smile like you're happy to be here," he whispered to me as I stepped closer to take hold of his ice cold hand in mine. It was like shaking hands with the devil. I laughed at his words since it must be obvious how miserable I was.

I stepped away from him and instantly my eyes locked with Edward's bright green eyes. I could see the shock and betrayal shining in them and for one brief moment it felt good to be on the opposite end of the betrayal with him. I even found myself smiling about it like the bitch I tried not to be.

I stepped back and found myself being welcomed by Carlisle, who was happy for me or so it seemed anyway. I felt Edward's eyes upon me as I stood there and the sick feeling settled over me once more. I was still standing there, fighting off the urge to vomit when Carlisle nudged me a little for me to look over to the side. I followed his eyes and found my Mom and Dad standing in the door way of the room that we were in.

My dad had such a look of pride on his face that it reminded me that this moment was for me and not about the family betrayal that I was a pawn in. This moment was not about a failed relationship or a broken heart. This moment was about praising all the hard work that had been done to get to this reward and it was about time that I realized that.

I held my head a little higher as I thought about every weekend that I had given up, every date that I had turned down, and every minute of sleep that I had lost to be here in this moment. I deserved to shine and so did my co-partners here. They had sacrificed the same. We suffered and now this was our payback. I smiled brightly as Ed dismissed the firm to go back to whatever work they had been pulled from to come and listen to his announcement.

He turned to us and advised us that our families were waiting for us in our offices and then they would be given a tour while we settled in. I thanked him and then hugged my friends before taking off back to my office to see my mom and dad.

I was walking down the hall in a rapid pace when I noticed a pair of angry ice blue eyes staring at me. I paused long enough to give Jasper Whitlock a large grin of victory while he stared at me as if I had stopped to give him the finger, which to be honest I was considering doing for all the times he was a smug asshole to me.

It was as I paused to smile at him that another person stepped out of the shadows behind him. It was Edward in all his blazing glory. I could see the hurt and anger rolling off of him in waves as his green eyes locked with mine. It was in that split second that I actually felt guilty about making partner.

"Bella, come on," I heard a voice call to me as I stood there staring at him, waiting for the words of what to say to him to come to me, but they never did so I just turned and walked towards the voice while I felt his eyes watch me go.

I walked into my office and was greeted by my parents. They were sitting by my desk with bright smiles on their faces. I don't ever remember seeing them this excited or proud of me. It was sweet and awkward all at once. It almost made up for the fact that I was hounded on a weekly basis to produce a grandchild for them to dote on.

"What are you doing here?" I asked them as I stepped closer to greet them both with a hug. Mom got to me first as she pulled me in for a tight hug that made me warm all over.

"Oh, we were invited," Mom gushed on as she hugged me tightly to her once more before finally letting me go.

"Invited? By who?" I asked as I looked from my mom's smiling face to my dad's face that was red with what could be embarrassment, but I wasn't sure.

"Ed, of course!" she said with a smile at me as if I had some sort of mental deficiency for not knowing who called her.

"Ed?" I questioned, as I stood there dumbfounded that Mr. Cullen had called my parents to invite them to the announcement of me making partner.

"Yes, he told us about how hard you've worked for this position and how proud we should be over your accomplishment," she said with that extra wide proud smile that always made me blush a little.

Leave it to my mother to have to hear about my hard work from another person to believe it. I shook my head at my own anger as I told myself that this was not worth getting upset over.

"Are Riley's parents here?" I asked as I looked towards my dad, who was standing there like this was the most uncomfortable place to be in the world.

"Yes, they are with him. We are to meet up with them later. Oh, and Demetri is here as well," Mom said with happiness in her voice that was irritating me. I smiled as I thought about Riley having a similar conversation with his parents over who contacted them as well.

"Oh my goodness!" Mom exclaimed as she brought her hand up to her mouth in surprise. I turned to face the door to see who was waiting for me as I watched my dad's posture stiffen in what seemed like a defensive stance.

"Edward Cullen! Look at you!" Mom exclaimed and then stepped towards the door way just as I turned enough to find Edward standing there, watching me. His green eyes were dark and stormy, filled with emotion that could only be some sort of betrayal as he looked at me while the expression on his face was uncertain.

I had forgotten that Mom had met Edward years ago on one snowy night in Seattle. Edward and I were at my apartment studying, we had already made sure that we had enough food and drink for up to three days of snowed in bliss as we waited for the storm of the century in accordance to what the weather guy said on the news.

It was at seven o'clock that night that there was a soft knock at the door and I opened it to discover my mom, covered in snow. She had come to Seattle to pick up a gift for my dad and was now too scared to drive home with all the snow so she was seeking shelter with me. I invited her in and introduced her to Edward.

Edward, being the ass that he was at times was polite and then promptly packed up his books to leave. He made up some excuse about needing to get back to be with his sister Alice, which was utter bullshit since they did not live together at the time. Mom, of course, bought his excuse with a happy smile as he walked out the door, leaving me with her for the night.

The next day after he confirmed that Mom was gone Edward braved the blizzard to come back to me so he could complain about having to leave in the first place. I reminded him that he could have stayed, but he told me that he never wanted to meet my parents. He said that it would only complicate things, which was just hysterical since I could not imagine things being more complicated than what they already were at the time.

"Mrs. Swan, it is so good to see you again," Edward said in a stiff voice as he looked from me to my father, who stood behind me with an angry look on his face, effectively pulling me out of my memories.

"Isn't it wonderful about Bella!" Mom exclaimed happily as she stepped closer to Edward to wrap him up in a warm hug that made me uneasy. I watched them, unsure of what to say as I watched the display in front of me.

"And shame on you Bella! You said that you had no future at the Cullen Law Firm and now look at you!" Mom continued on saying as I watched Edward's head jerk to look at me with an angry look at Mom's words.

I had said that there was no future for me here when I told my Mom that I was leaving Seattle for the job in California. I had told her that if I stayed that I would spend my career here on my knees, that there was no opportunities for me here and I knew I was right.

"No future?" Edward asked me in a clipped tone that I chose to ignore.

"Edward is there something I can help you with?" I asked him in a tired tone as I watched his posture stiffen at the sound of my voice.

"Yes, there is but I will discuss that with you later," he said in a smooth voice that was even and friendly, but his eyes gave him away. His eyes were heated and burning bright at me with his anger. I nodded and smiled at him as he stood there looking at me.

"I also stopped by to congratulate you," he said in a softer voice, but it was still stiff sounding, as if it hurt him to say the words to me. I watched as he stepped closer to me and extended his hand out for me. I thanked him quietly as I took hold of his hand in mine and felt the electricity flow through me like it always did when Edward and I touched. I moved slightly and felt Edward tug me towards him by my hand until I found myself wrapped in an awkward hug. My body seemed to burn at every point where it connected with his, causing me to flush red in his arms from our ungraceful embrace until I slowly pulled away from him.

Our eyes locked as we stepped away from each other, ignoring the fact that my parents were in the room, watching us; one with curious eyes and the other with cautious ones. I could see the green storm swirling in his; pulling me in and sucking me under just like they always did in the past.

I am not sure how long we stood there staring at each, but we were pulled out of our trance by the sound of Jasper Whitlock's voice that was coming from my doorway.

"Edward, come on, we are needed," Jasper said in a tense voice that seemed to make Edward cringe a little as he broke eye contact with me. He left my office after a quiet good bye to my mom and me while completely ignoring my dad.

I found myself exhaling as he walked away, as if I had been holding my breath in his presence. I felt deflated and off as he walked away with a side glance back at me before turning the corner away from my office into his while Jasper led the way.

"You keep away from him," my dad said in a gruff voice as my mom started to squawk like a bird, scoffing off his demand for me to keep my distance from Edward Cullen, while I remained silent, watching him go.

**AN:**

**Hello! Thanks for reading! Sorry if I have not been able to get back to you on your review! Life has been crazy.**

**I wanted to thank the talented IcarusToSun once more for all her work with me on this story and keeping it in line. Hugs to you!**

** I wanted to remind all of you to come check out the blog. I just recently reviewed the story **_**Bang**_** just as it was pulled from . We also have the great Q & A coming up with the talented Bronzehyperion concerning life and her story **_**Bring on the Wonder.**_** Check out the story if you haven't already since it is a great read. As always concerning the blog we are looking for great angst story rec's. They can be cannon pairing, non cannon, slash, whatever. If you know of a great story let us know.**

** If you are in the 9 states here in the US that are gearing up for Death Storm 2011 like I am I hope you stay warm & will leave you with a few rec's to read while you ride out the snow and ice.**

**Check out **_**Eden Burning **_**by Saluki168. It is a different take on what would have happened if Edward would not have changed Bella as in BD.**

** Also the final part of BPOV here is done. I mean it is done; beta'd and ready to go to you as we speak. I have to tell you IcarusToSun thought the final Bella POV was worth the wait so I guess that means that it's good! I have not decided if I will post it today or tomorrow. I also hope to have a Riley POV out shortly as well since you all are killing me with him being a villain! He's not a villain! He is just scared and a little lost when it comes to everything with relationships. I don't believe in creating a villains for stories since no one person is all good or all bad. Ok, enough of that!**

**Until next time : )**

**Take care,**

**Mamasutra**

**xxoo**


	20. Chapter 20

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

BPOV pt 4

After Edward left I stood there for a moment and pretended that all was fine, but I knew better. It was far from fine and I knew this.

I managed to excuse myself from my parent with the promise that I would be back shortly. I was in search of Riley and his family since their presence would take some of the heat off of me, plus I just needed Riley after my odd Edward encounter.

I walked down the hall and as I did I could hear Jasper's voice. It was loud and angry.

"Who the fuck do they think they are?" I heard him yell and as I walked closer I could tell he was in Edward's office. I slowed my pace until I nearly came to a stop in front of Edward's office. I peered inside to find Jasper standing by Edward's desk with his back towards me while Edward sat there staring out the window with his chair turned just enough so that I could not see his face.

I continued to walk and as I did I somehow drew attention to myself causing Jasper to spin around and glare at me with hatred in his eyes.

"What do you think you're looking at?" he growled at me while I snickered at his school yard style statement.

"Well, I think I am looking at someone who didn't make partner," I countered back with a slight laugh that caused him to step closer to me as if he was going to grab hold me.

"Jasper!" I heard Edward call out after him as he neared me, but my eyes never left his ice blue ones. There was no way I was about to let this asshole intimidate me.

"You think you can just waltz in here and take over!" Jasper exclaimed with an angry growl as he scowled at me like a spoiled child.

"I don't think anything like that. I didn't even want this job, it was just too good to pass up," I countered as I watched a shocked look wash over his face.

"Now, if you know what's good for you, you will remember that I am now your supervisor and that your job here at the Firm is not protected," I said with harsh authority as he scoffed at me.

"Jasper, I have seen your case statistics and I know that you are not making any money here. You are a hindrance, not a help and so you need to remember that your job is not protected here. I made sure of it before I ever signed the contract to come here," I said with a smile as I watched Jasper's face pale in front of me before I turned to leave him and an oddly quiet Edward behind once more.

I found myself shaking a bit as I walked away. I had not planned on Jasper being a problem. I knew that he was an asshole, but I had no idea that me being partner would set him off so badly.

Did he really think that he stood a shot at making partner? I had checked his stats and they were horrible. I knew just from my conversation with Mr. Cullen that Jasper was on borrowed time not only with the firm, but also with Alice from what he understood about his granddaughter's relationship. I had to bite my tongue to keep from telling him about Jasper's child with Maria, who was an office assistant that left at the same time as I did. I only knew about Jasper's illegitimate child because I represented Maria in her child support case so it was not my place to say anything.

As I walked, not really watching where I was going, I suddenly felt a strong hand grab hold of my arm causing me to jump in fright.

"Isabella, I have been calling your name and you would not respond," Mr. Cullen called as I turned to look at him in surprise. While I was thankful that it was Ed and not Jasper, I was still in no mood to deal with him either.

"What's wrong?" he asked me as his all knowing hazel colored eyes scanned over me like a nervous father. He could see that I was shaken and even though I tried to pass it off as nothing Ed demanded that I follow him back to his office with what dignity I could scrape up.

Once inside his office I looked around. It was exactly as I had remembered it. There was a large picture of Mr. Cullen and a woman with a warm smile on his desk that must be his wife based on how he looked at her. The walls were gray and there were landscape paintings on the wall as I remembered that he was not a fan of abstract art. There was an uncomfortable looking couch and some chairs in the corner. It screamed stogy and over privileged to me just like it had in the past.

"Now, what is going on?" he asked me as he motioned for me to take my seat by his desk just like a child. I rolled my eyes at him, but sat down anyway while explaining that nothing was wrong.

I did not need Edward Cullen Sr. to fight my battles. I would deal with Jasper on my own and I would start with terminating him if need be.

"Nothing is wrong, everything is just fine," I replied with my biggest, fakest smile as he smirked at me like the asshole he was.

"I do want to thank you for inviting my family. My mom was thrilled to be here for the announcement," I said with a bit more of a genuine smile on my face.

"This is a family business Isabella, and you are now family," he said with a wide smile that reminded me of Edward somehow.

"I am not family," I replied coolly as I looked at him with my fake smile settling back over my face once more while he laughed at me in a mocking tone. I watched as he opened his mouth to speak to me, but before the words could be formed his office door was thrown open and in stomped Edward.

I watched as Edward's green eyes scanned the room quickly before settling on me for just a moment before turning towards his grandfather.

"Edward, to what do I owe the great pleasure of this visit?" Ed asked in a teasing tone that made me cringe while Edward blazed in anger.

"What…" Edward started to say in a breathless tone that held malice as he stared at his grandfather while I sat there stunned into silence, but Ed was quick and cut him off verbally.

"What? Why didn't you make partner? Is that why you are here?" he asked in a calm tone while I watched Edward's long, lanky frame start to shake from the anger that was coursing through him now.

"I…" he started to say, but it came out as more of a growl as I watched his eyes go wild as he stared at Ed with a fierce expression on his handsome face.

"You what? You think you deserved that title?" Ed asked him in a calm tone that was laced with ice causing me to shiver. I looked over at the door to see if I could make my escape, but Ed noticed me eyeing his door, plotting my exit and demanded that I stay.

"I did everything you wanted!" Edward screamed, ignoring the fact that Ed had refused me to leave the room.

"I gave up everything!" he screamed once more as I noticed the tendons in his neck standing out in his anger while Ed laughed at the display.

"You gave up everything?" Ed questioned as he cocked an eyebrow at his grandson in a teasing fashion as if Edward's anger was nothing.

"You know I did. I gave up everything!" he said with venom in his tone as he stepped closer to Ed who just continued to smirk at him as if this whole display pleased him somehow.

"What did you give up?" Ed mocked with a smirk as Edward stood beside my chair now, but not looking at me.

"I gave her up just like you wanted!" he screamed as he motioned towards me in an angry wave as I reeled inside from his words. I knew that Ed had wanted me gone from Edward's life, but it was another thing to actually hear the words spoken.

"No, you didn't. You never gave her up. She's the one who walked away Edward, so even in the end you couldn't do that right," Ed said as his hazel eyes went dark with anger at Edward while his words seemed to knock the fury out of Edward in one swift motion.

"You said she wasn't from our world. You said that she didn't belong," Edward said with anger building once more as he looked at his grandfather with blazing eyes while I cringed at his words. I had heard those words before from him that I was not enough and now even three years later they still stung.

"I said she wasn't from our world and she's not. She did not grow up like you Edward. She did not grow up in the society pages or attending prep schools. She is not like you in that respect, but I never said that she wasn't enough or that she didn't belong. I said that you needed to let her know exactly what it meant by being with you in any function," Ed said with heat in his voice.

"It was your job to prepare her for this world and you chose not to, so don't blame this on me," Ed said with a clipped tone that made me shiver.

"You chose to keep that girl who was no better than a Barbie doll for all the good she did for you, while keeping this one a secret from everyone, and how the hell you got this one to agree to that I would really Iike to know, since I fully expected her to tell you to go to hell," Ed said in the same clipped tone as I looked away from the two men since I knew why I stayed and so did Edward. I tolerated it because I loved him, even if he couldn't return the same love to me.

"I did as you told me," Edward said once more through gritted teeth as I refused to look at him, and instead looked out the large picture window that was behind Ed.

"You see that, Edward, you see that right there is the problem. You did as you were told," Ed said with a sad shake of his head as I looked from the window to him as I felt the energy coming off the man at my side.

"Leaders don't follow direction. They don't do as they are told. They create their own path," Ed said as I watched his face smile a sad smile just for Edward even if his voice was still harsh and cold.

"When I told you that the Swan girl was not good enough I wanted to see what you would do. I wanted to see fire, Edward. I wanted to see passion. I wanted to see that you were willing to fight for what you wanted and what did I get instead? I got secrets and lies while you put on a hell of show with that Stanley girl. I got a grandson that rolled over on command and refused to fight for what he wanted and instead settled for what he was told," Ed sneered with disgust in his voice that even I could hear. I wanted to look at Edward's face, but I couldn't. I knew that if I did I would not be able to keep it together as I needed to in this messed up situation.

"All that time I waited while you snuck around with her. I waited for you to man up and do as you wanted, not as you were told, but you never did. You just floundered and strung the girl along, but you know all was not lost for me. Instead of watching you rise into the person you should be, the person you were created to be, I got a front row seat at watching the rise of the woman you refused to fight for and look at her, she is magnificent," Ed said as he motioned towards me while I stared back at him in horror.

"I fought for her, I was going to leave Jess, but her father threatened me," Edward said in a tense voice that was little more than a whisper. My head was spinning at Edward's admission of fighting for me, wanting me and then finally settling upon my father threatening him. There was no way my dad would have done that. He knew that I was dying a slow death without Edward those first few months. He knew that I could not sleep at night and I was barely eating because I missed him so much. He knew that I doubted my decision every day to leave him for the first year that we were apart.

"Oh, yes, I do remember that. That private investigator told me that you came to him for help. I remember thinking finally I would see what you were made of, if you were strong enough to lead the Cullen Firm, but then you disappointed me once more. You let a small town cop intimidate you and that is an embarrassment to your family Edward," Ed said with disgust as I finally found the courage to look at Edward's face only to find the hurt and betrayal that I knew would be there firmly etched on his handsome face.

"I watched and waited to see what you would do, to see if you were worthy of the position and you just showed that you were not anywhere near ready. You curled yourself into a fetal position, refusing to give upon anything that had belonged to Ms. Swan while your wife did as she pleased," Ed said with a sad shake of his head toward Edward.

"While you were doing that I watched Ms. Swan here rise above the muck that she was in with you and take on the world only to win," Ed said with a change of tone from disgust to happiness as he looked from Edward to me with a smile.

"She played the game and she won. She deserves the position Edward," Ed said in such a calm voice as I felt the anger rise within me. The old man was treating everything like it was a game, like pain and suffering was nothing more than toys meant to amuse him.

"Is this all a game to you?" I demanded, finding my voice while Edward sputtered for words to say as his anger rose once more.

"Isabella, you don't understand," Ed said softly to me as if he was speaking to a child and I was a child in comparison to him.

"I understand plenty. You treated whatever it was that I had with Edward as a game. You used me as a pawn in trying to make him into something he is not," I said in a staggered breath as it felt like my lungs were being squeezed so I could not breathe enough to talk properly.

"Did you really think he would go against what you told him when you have brainwashed him from birth into believing that you are all knowing?" I demanded as Ed laughed at me, causing me to shake in anger.

"This is my life you asshole! You had no business interfering or putting ideas in his head. You want to fuck with your family that's your business, but you leave me alone!" I said through gritted teeth to keep from screaming at him as I thought of all the wasted time I had spent crying over him or Edward, just wanting to be good enough and now knowing that it was all a fucking game for him.

"It was all a fucking game to show you that I could lead?" Edward muttered as I panted in anger over Ed's laughter.

"I gave up everything all for a fucking game," he said with a little more conviction as he looked from Ed to me. Our eyes locked and in that one second I could see longing and sorrow as he held my gaze. It was a silent apology for ever mixing me up in this mess. I didn't need his words to know that he was sorry.

"You know what? Go fuck yourself, I am done," Edward said with a deadly calm voice before turning to leave me there with his grandfather, shell shocked over what the hell had just happened.

I stood there for a moment in silence after Edward left before I turned to follow him silently. I walked out into the hall, ignoring that Ed was calling for me to come back to his office to talk some more. I knew what I needed to do I needed to talk to Edward. I needed to know what my dad had said. I needed to know what had happened and if it was even true.

I watched him stride in front of me with determined steps as he marched out the front door. I followed close behind him and as I stepped out the building I noticed Riley watching me go after Edward with a sick look on his face. I wanted to wave him off, to tell him there was nothing to worry about, but I needed to get to Edward first.

I watched as Edward reached his car in a few short strides so I called for him to stop and wait for me. I watched as his entire body stiffened at the sound of my voice calling for him as he stood there at the door of his car with his back to me. It took a moment for me to reach his car and as I did he turned to look at me with unreadable green eyes that made me very nervous.

"Bella," he whispered in a defeated tone as he looked at me while the cold winter wind whipped around us as we stood locked in our stare down. We remained motionless, eyes locked until I shivered against the wind that swirled snow around us in the parking garage that he was parked in.

"Come on," Edward prompted as he walked over to the other side of his car and opened the door for me to get inside.

"I can't… I can't leave, my family is here. I won't leave with you," I stammered as I stepped back from him as if he was suggesting something improper.

"I know, but it's cold out and you're shivering, so…" he said softly as he looked away from me as if he was as uncomfortable as I was over this awkward moment. I nodded my head and stepped into the car to sit down. It was the same silver Volvo that he had driven that last year of law school. I sunk into the comfortable leather seat and thought of all the times I had actually been in this car. The memories were pleasant and disturbing all at once.

I felt my muscles stiffen as Edward opened his car door and got inside with meas my nerves heightened at having him so close to me that our arms brushed against each other, causing us both to jump. I watched as he started his car and turned the heat in full blast for me, to warm me up. I looked over at Edward while he sat close to the car door as if touching me was too much for him now.

"What is it that you wanted Bella?" he asked me quietly as I looked at him while he looked straight ahead, avoiding my gaze altogether.

"I wanted to know what happened with my dad," I said in a voice that sounded small even to me. I listened as he let out a heavy sigh, but remained silent as he sat there avoiding me.

My irritation was growing as his silence continued. I wanted to yell at him and demand to know what my father had done, but I knew that would get me nowhere with him. Edward didn't respond to being yelled at and I had remembered that quite clearly about him.

We sat in silence and as we did I realized that maybe he would offer up the information if I gave him some as well. He had wanted to know why I had left him without a good bye and while it was crystal clear to me, he must have missed it somewhere. I took a deep breath and decided that I would talk first and see if he would respond.

"I didn't leave you without a good bye, I just don't think that you realized that I was saying good bye," I said in a soft voice to him as I watched his reaction to my words. Edward's head spun around quickly and his eyes were wide and bright green with shock as he looked at me. He looked scared, and it made me want to laugh at him, but I didn't.

"I came to your wedding knowing that it was farewell," I spoke once more as he watched me with wide eyes.

"I knew that once you were married that we could never be together again, that you had made a choice and that with that choice I was forced into making a choice as well, so, I chose to leave you. When we danced that night it was good bye," I said as I looked into his green eyes, as they hypnotized me with their brightness.

"I had wondered if you knew that I was letting you go that night. I discovered that you didn't realize this when you came back and looked for me," I said as I found myself stammering for him.

"I know it was not the most conventional farewell, but we were never very conventional were we?" I asked him, trying to tease a bit, but the stammering made it come out sadder sounding than anything.

I watched his face as it remained emotionless as he looked at me with his wide green eyes until he slowly brought his hand up to my face and brushed away a stray tear that I had no idea I had cried. His touch was feather light and caused me to shiver against his skin.

"I hired a detective to find you. I could not take being married to Jess. I missed you too much. I was going to leave her and go where ever it was that you had gone to," he said in a hoarse sounding voice as he continued to touch my wet cheek as more tears started to fall.

"The detective called me in and instead of meeting with him it was your dad who was there with some of Seattle's finest," he said and then smiled a sarcastic smile for me.

"He told me to stay away from you, that it was what you wanted and if I contacted you again he would take the DVD that we made and give it to Jess," he said with a sad smile.

"I didn't want to give you up, but I could do it if it would make you happy. I owed you that," he said with a tired sigh as he held my gaze with his fiery green eyes.

"What about Jess?" I whispered, not believing him that he left me alone to make me happy.

"I was ready to leave Jess. She knew it and after my meeting with your dad her father had a heart attack. She asked me to stay since she thought it would kill her father to hear his princess was getting divorced after only five months of marriage," Edward said with a humorless laugh.

"I only ever wanted to make you happy and if me leaving you alone would make you happy then that was the least that I could do for you after everything that happened with us," he said with a sad smile that prodded me to return a watery smile as well, as his fingers cupped my cheek a little as if he liked the feel of my skin against his hand.

"You better go. He's waiting for you," Edward said as he motioned over my shoulder. I turned slightly to see a very worried looking Riley standing by the building as snow fell upon him, watching Edward and I together in his car.

Edward moved his hands as I nodded in agreement. I opened the car door and stepped out without another word. I could hear Edward's soft _Good bye Bella_ before I shut the door to his car. He waited and watched me cross the parking ramp's lot to return to Riley who opened his arms up to me, leaving only once I was wrapped in Riley's embrace. I watched his car go as Riley held me close even though I struggled slightly to step free from his arms.

"What happened?" Riley asked me quietly as I tried not to cry for what could have been when Edward came to look for me three years ago, but I could not stop myself.

My mind was lost to the idea of Edward walking away from Jess, from this law firm for me. Would have I forgiven him? Would I have welcomed him with opened arms? Would he have stayed with me in California? Where would we be right now?

All the could haves and should haves swirled around me as I was held in Riley's arms as he whispered to me wanting to know what happened to me. I felt the anger start to burn in my system as I thought about my dad making a decision that was not his to make. I thought of how could he betray me like that when he knew that I was suffocating without Edward in my life.

That anger burned through me as Riley held me tighter for a moment and then pulled away. I needed answers and I needed them now.

"Where is my dad?" I asked as I stepped back from Riley with a determined look on my face as he watched me closely, as if he was looking for some sort of change in me or so it seemed.

"He's inside," he said as he looked at me confused for a moment before bringing his hand up to cup my cheek in a very similar manner as to what Edward had done.

"Good, because I need some answers," I replied as the anger came out in my voice. He nodded in agreement with me, even though I could tell that he was unsure of what I meant by that. He stepped closer to me with a sigh. He leaned down and pressed a quick kiss against my lips that I side stepped, leaving him to kiss my cheek before releasing me to go and face my father about the past that should not have been.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading and reviewing! **

**A special thanks to IcarusToSun for being the most kick ass beta and friend concerning this little fic. Hugs to you!**

**Ok, here it is the last part of BPOV concerning the merger. I hope you liked it! **

**Have to respond to an anonymous review that just posted:**

*****She got Edward's position; she got his office, what's next? Jessica and Bella  
turn out to be carpet munchers and give out on all men because they are asshat  
she gets his wife?******

**I gottta tell you that I had not thought of that plot twist, but you are right there is not enough Bella & Jessica slash stories LOL!**

**To all my friends enjoying Death Storm 2011, stay warm & at home if you can : )**

**Until next time…**

**Take care,**

**Mamasutra**

**xxoo**


	21. Chapter 21

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

Riley POV

Time. Time was all I had and yet there was not enough of it in the day when it came to Bella. I needed more time with her. I needed to convince her that I was all she needed before she found out about Erin and the mess that occurred in California.

Looking back at that night I had spent with Erin, I had been a fool. I was a fool to have thought that Bella would have been with that asshole Cullen. I was wrong and now I would pay for it in the worst way by losing Bella and I just could not have that. I loved her and she needed to know that. I needed her to know that and maybe with that truth, knowing about my mistake would be easier for her to over look it.

Tyler wasn't kidding when he said that he would tell her. I knew him well enough that he would tell her eventually, but until he did I could work on showing her that what we had was real and not just some friends with benefits thing that we had cooked up in the beginning as a means to ward off lonely nights and horniness.

It was on Christmas Eve that I found Tyler in the hallway, waiting for me as I exited the break room with coffee in hand. I could tell from the look in his eyes that he wanted to talk to me and it would not be pleasant. I followed him back to the office that he shared with Mike so we would have at least a little privacy in this small office.

"I have given you opportunity upon opportunity to tell Bella and you are yet to have told her," Tyler all but growled at me as he shut the door behind me with a little more force than what was needed. He was right. He had given me chances to tell her, but every time I opened my mouth to spill what had happened, I couldn't do it. I would look in to her deep brown eyes and see them so trusting, looking back at me as if she would never believe that I was capable of not having faith in her and that was all that night with Erin was. It was me not believing in Bella and she deserved better than that.

"I know, but every time I think I can do it, I look at her and I just can't form the words," I said in defeat as he looked at me for a moment, as if he was trying to determine if I was telling the truth or not.

"I can't hurt her like that. I love her, man. I know that now and I just can't do it," I stammered like a fool as Tyler scowled at me while Mike entered the room silently. I glanced over at Mike who looked from me to Tyler with an uncertain look.

"Well, you should have thought about that before you fucked Erin," Tyler growled at me as Mike tried to hush him, but I deserved it. I deserved the anger that was coming off of Tyler in waves now.

"Oh sweet Jesus, don't give me that look, Riley," Mike said, rolling his eyes at me as I looked over at him.

"Listen, you did this to yourself man," Mike said as he pushed Tyler to sit down while he stepped closer.

"So don't ask us to feel bad for you," Mike continued on while I sat there watching him step closer to me. He sat down in the chair beside me with a sigh as he looked over at me with knowing blue eyes that made me uneasy.

"I get why you are stalling, but you have to know that the longer you drag this out the worse it's going to be, right?" Mike said in a voice that told me he was trying to reason with me. I knew this was correct too, but I was not about to admit that to Mike.

"You know Bella trusts you," Mike said with a tired sigh and I nodded since I knew that was true. It took a while for her to trust me after how things went with Cullen.

"You have to know that you have fucked that up a bit, right?" Mike said in a reasoning tone that was starting to grate on my nerves a little.

"I understand that I fucked things up, I just need…" I started to say, but Tyler cut me off.

"No, you don't realize what an epic fuck up this is," he said in an angry tone that made me flinch a little.

"And I will not cover for you any longer. This ends now," Tyler said with a growl as Mike gave him a dirty look.

"I just need some time," I stammered, but once more Tyler cut me off.

"Time for what? How much more time do you need? More time to get her pregnant or marry her or whatever else crazy ass idea you have to tie her to you before she finds out that you fucked around on her?" he yelled as Mike motioned for him to shut up while looking towards the door. There was no doubt that people outside of the office could hear him and I could only pray that Bella was not one of those people.

"I know that you pushed her into moving in with you," Tyler growled at me as I looked away, trying not to get mad at the idea since it was pointless to try change his opinion in that matter. I did ask Bella in a rush, but it was because I wanted to be with her. I was tired of nights alone.

"Tyler, just stop," Mike said in a hushed tone as he looked at me with a sad smile on his face.

"You have to tell her, or we will," Mike said with quiet conviction in his voice that startled me a bit.

"Bella is our friend, and while it is hurting you and I hate to see it hurt you since you are our friend too, I can't go along with stringing her along," Mike continued as he looked at me with his blues eyes searching mine as if he was trying to see if there was anything within me worth saving over this mess.

"I know you care about her," he said softly, but I stopped him.

"I love her and every time I open my mouth to tell her about Erin, I just can't find the words to hurt her like that," I said to him, willing him to understand the pain I was in over this fucking mess.

"Yeah, I know, but you have to," Mike continued on as Tyler rolled his eyes at me.

"You have a week," Mike said and then turned away from me. A week was too short.

"What about the merger? You know she will be over the top with that?" I stammered, looking for anything that would buy me more time. I watched as Mike looked at Tyler in a questioning manner.

"I don't give fuck about the merger. Tell her now," Tyler said as he stood up and walked out with a scowl, leaving me with Mike.

"Wait until the merger goes through. She doesn't need anything more on plate right now," Mike said with a sigh as he looked at with his knowing eyes that made me feel small.

"She's going to leave me," I said to him, voicing the fear that had been keeping me from telling her in the first place.

"I don't know. She might. Would you have left her if the roles were reversed?" he asked me with a cock of his head as if it was the most interesting thing he had said all day long.

I looked at him once more before I left him wordlessly as I pondered what he said. Would I have left Bella if she admitted that she had sex with another guy? I wanted to say that I would not, that I would understand that mistakes happen and sometimes those mistakes help us see the path correctly, but that was a lie.

It was the thought of Bella back in Cullen's bed that led me to making the big mistake that I had made. It was the thought of Bella with another man that drove me to the brink of insanity those nights apart when I could not get a hold of her. I knew that if she had come to me announcing that she had slept with Cullen or any other man I would have left her and knowing that scared me over her reaction since I knew she had every right to leave me behind now.

Christmas Eve came and went with little fan fare from Edward as we saw him at Emmett's house. I watched as he stared at Bella and then was giddy as he stomped out of the kitchen pissed off, over what had to be our announcement of living together. I wanted him to know that she was unavailable, that she was mine now and there was nothing he could do about that. The night was perfect until we came home and then it all went to hell with one phone call.

I was sitting with Bella on my lap, feeling warm and cozy when my cell phone rang. I glanced at the call ID only to discover it was Erin. My heart started to pound out of my chest as I answered the call, standing up in the process to get out of the room since it seemed wrong to talk to Erin with Bella there. In my haste I knocked Bella over on to the floor with a hard thump. I added this to my list of transgressions against the girl I loved as I walked out to the kitchen for privacy.

"Hello Erin," I said as I tried to sound normal as I walked out of the room, away from Bella.

"Hey Riley, merry Christmas!" she exclaimed in a happy voice that was a little slurred. It was obvious that Erin had been drinking and thought that it was a great idea to call me.

"Uh, what's wrong?" I asked her, uncertain of why she called me outside of the fact we had fucked over a month ago.

"I was thinking of you and wanted to call," she said with a sweet giggle that in the past, if I had been single, I would have loved, but now it just made me sick.

"Uh, Erin, I am sorry," I stammered as I tried to find away to tell her that I was not interested.

"I have missed you and was hoping that you would come back," Erin continued on as if I had said nothing while I stood there accepting the fact that I was the world's biggest asshole for hurting her, as well as the woman I loved.

"I think we could have something together and I…I wanted you to know that. I wanted you to know that before anything else," she stammered with a drunken slur that made me cringe.

"I don't think so Erin. You are an amazing girl and I am so fucking sorry that I lead you on and I hate myself for all of this, you need to know that," I said as the words poured out of me.

"You have someone else?" she asked me in a small voice that made me feel like shit.

"Uh, yeah, I love her and I am sorry that I hurt you. I should have never have hurt you," I said softly as I looked out into the other room to where Bella sat. Yes, she was going to leave me.

"It's ok Riley," she said softly in a defeated tone that hurt me to listen to, but I had to since I had caused this.

"I just wish things were different," she said softly causing my chest to hurt. This was my fault.

"Yeah, I understand and I wish that things were different," I said to her and never in my life had I meant those words more than now. I had wished that things were different. I wished that I had never doubted Bella. I wished that I had never gone over to Erin's place. I wished that I had never had sex with her. I wished for a lot of things.

"We can still be friends, right?" she asked me in a small voice that sounded more sober than she had earlier in our conversation.

"Of course we can still be friends. No harm right?" I asked her, sounding stupid since what does one say to another person in a situation like this?

"I have to ask though, what was wrong? Did I do something wrong? Was it not good?" she asked stammering, sounding like she was holding back tears and that just killed me even more.

"Yes, it was…It was great Erin, and I don't want to hurt you, but I think you are misunderstanding me," I said softly, cursing myself for being so damn stupid.

"If it was so great then why not try? Why not try with me Riley? I have waited and I have liked you for so long and there is so much I can do for you," she gushed on, making her last appeal to me, for us, for her.

"Erin, there is nothing more that you can do for me, trust me on that," I replied, knowing that I was an asshole for hurting her. I turned and noticed Bella standing there in the door way, watching me with a concerned look on her beautiful face.

"What's going on?" she asked me as she stood there, uncertain as to what I was doing. I could see the doubt in her eyes and it killed me.

"Is that Bella Swan?" I could hear Erin questioning me as I stood there; stuck between the biggest mistake of my life and the woman I loved who would leave me over it.

I quickly wished Erin a merry Christmas and ended my call with her as fast as I could to rejoin Bella, but the doubt lingered. I should have taken the time to tell her about Erin, but I couldn't do it. I was too big of a pussy to do it; instead I told her a story of jobs in Seattle and what not to make the call sound innocent, knowing that this would hurt her as well.

I was able to pull Bella back to bed and while I held her that night I prayed that god would allow her to see that I loved her and that it would be enough to keep her from leaving me once she knew the truth.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading and reviewing!**

**A special thanks goes out to IcarusToSun for being a wonderful beta & friend! Hugs to you Parama!**

**OK, so there is Riley's POV of the phone call from Erin. For those of you who are worried as to when Bella will discover the truth I am thinking it will be in a chapter or two, most likely two. The chapter I am working on may not have it since I may break it up a bit based on length. You know how I hate terribly long chapters!**

**I will ask you all to come check out the blog I have with IcarusToSun (the link is in my profile) we just added the Q & A with writer Bronzehyperion who writes Bring on the Wonder. Come check it out & tell us what you think or how we could improve it since we are trying to make it your all in one source for all things angst in the fanfic world.**

**On different note, to all my friends in Egypt be safe & know that I am thinking of you.**

**Until next time…. **

**Take care,**

**Mamasutra**

**xxoo**


	22. Chapter 22

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight

EPOV pt 1

I drove away from the firm not sure what the hell I was going to do next. The firm had been everything in my life. It took precedence over my own wants and happiness, so the thought of not having it looming over my head was scary and yet very freeing.

As I drove, I glanced back in the mirror to take a look at Bella as she stood in the cold with snow falling on her while that fuck Riley Biers held her. It felt wrong to see her with him, but if I was being honest it would feel weird to see her with anyone since in my mind she was always my Bella. I continued to watch her until I had to focus on the road and then from there I had no idea what to do.

I was driving aimlessly down a street when my phone went off altering me to a text message.

_Where did you go?-J_

Fucking Jasper. As if I wanted to deal with him again. He was way out of line with Bella and there was no need for all his anger towards her. It wasn't as if he had been groomed for the damn job only to be denied in the end. He was just someone who felt it was his right since Alice hadn't kicked him to curb just yet.

I decided to ignore his text. I had nothing to say to him. What was there to say?

I drove on, ignoring text messages and missing phone calls until I found myself outside of my apartment building, numb from the morning at the office. I walked up slowly, not paying attention to anything around me until I was safe within the sanctuary of my apartment.

I welcomed the silence happily as I sat there, feeling nothing as I stared at the mostly blank walls around me, remembering when this place was full of life. It was during this silence that my phone went off once more. I didn't bother to check caller ID as I answered it, not caring who had called at all.

"Hey asshole, thanks for returning my texts to you," I heard my brother's voice boom at me as I said hello.

"Sorry, man. I've been distracted," I mumbled to him as I sat there, unsure of what to do next.

"Yeah, about that, Mom has been calling me to see if you are with me. What the hell happened at the firm today?" he asked me with a concerned voice that made me laugh for some reason.

"How long do you have?" I asked him in a smart ass tone since it would take all afternoon to describe the epic fuckery that occurred today.

"I'll be right over," he said in a tired sigh that told me that he knew a little bit of what happened. I tried to tell him there was no need, but he said he was headed out to buy a keg for tonight's New Year's bash that he and Rose always host. I had almost forgotten about it until he mentioned it.

I sat there as he hung up. My mind drifted back over the past, thinking of all the times that I had been told that the firm was mine for taking. All the times that I had been told that I had to think about the future and how everything I did affected the firm. All the damn times I was reminded that the weight of the firm rested squarely upon my shoulders.

I wanted to laugh at my own stupidity as I thought of all the times that I believed Grandpa when he told me that the firm was all mine to lead, that I was the future of the firm. I wondered if he ever laughed at me behind my back for all the faith I had put in his words, his fucking promises. All lies, every single one last one them was a lie and it killed me. It killed me knowing that I had let him pick out my future and it all was based on a fucking lie.

I was still sitting there stewing in my self-made misery when there was a loud knock on the door, announcing Emmett's arrival. I yelled at him that the door was open so no need for me to welcome him in.

"What the fuck happened?" he asked me as he sat down on the chair across from me with a worried look. I just looked away since well, what was there to say?

"What the hell happened?" he asked me once more as I looked back at him with a blank look that made him scowl.

"Listen, just say it cause I know it has to be bad since you are catatonic and Bella is bawling to Rosie, so something happened," he said as I turned to give him a sharp look. Bella was hurt and once more it was because of me.

"Is she ok?" I asked him as he rolled his eyes at me as if I was a dumbfuck.

"She's crying and that is all I know," he said in a tired voice as he looked at me.

"What did you do?" he asked me with a scowl that made me laugh since he just knew that this was my fault somehow. It was my fault for involving her in this whole messed up mix of my family.

I took a deep breath and explained what happened, ending with my time with Bella in my car. Emmett sat there; slack jawed as I told him about the day and what Grandpa said.

"Jesus, man, I knew the guy was an ass, but, really," he muttered as he rubbed a hand over his face in a cleansing manner that made me sigh as well. We sat in silence for a moment, just letting the day sink in when finally Emmett spoke.

"Well, fuck, what are you going to do now?" he asked me with an half hearted smile as he looked at me as if he was seeing me for the first time.

His question was really the million dollar question of the day. What was I going to do? I had walked out of my job after yelling at Grandpa. I wasn't sure if I had a job anymore, and if I did, I wasn't sure that I wanted it anyway.

"I have no idea," I finally stated as I ran my hand through my hair, half laughing at the truth in my words since I really had no clue as to what I was going to do now. We sat in silence for a while, letting the day absorb in while my mind raced as to what in the world I had left as options to me.

"You know, man, this could be a good thing," Emmett spoke, breaking the silence. I looked over at him and rolled my eyes. Emmett was always optimistic and right now that trait was pissing me off. There was nothing good that could come from today, that I knew for sure.

"No, man, just hear me out," he started to say as he looked at me with such a serious look on his face that it made me chuckle at the seriousness of his expression. Emmett was never serious and so to see him like this told me how fucked I really was.

"Fine, fuck off Edward," he said in an irritated tone that made me laugh even louder as he gave me the finger.

"No, tell me," I said as I tried to stop laughing at the shitty situation I was in.

"What I was saying, before you decided to laugh at me like an asshole, was that you should look at this like a blessing, man" he said with an irritated tone, but it was his words that got me. A blessing, huh? What was so good about this fucking mess? I had gone along with every whim that Grandpa had so I could make him proud and serve the firm properly. I had married the girl he wanted to get power for the firm. I had lost the girl that I wanted in the process of it all. I worked my ass off only to be replaced by others that had abandoned the place to seek their fortune elsewhere. There was no blessing in this epic fuck up.

"This is your chance to get out from that damn firm," Emmett said with a confident voice and a dark look on his face.

"That fucking firm has ruled your life for way too long and this is your chance to leave it behind, to do something, anything else and be happy for once," he continued on with more conviction than I had thought he would.

"When was the last time you were happy?" he asked me and I could only try to think when was the last time I was happy. I knew it had to be back when Bella was around and that was over three years ago. My silence gave him his answer.

"Go be happy now," Emmett said as if it was that simple. Damn, how I wished it was that simple. We sat in silence for a while longer while I let his words sink in until he finally stood up to go.

"Oh, hey, happy anniversary," he said in a teasing manner as he looked over at me while I looked confused at him until it dawned on me that today was my wedding anniversary. I rolled my eyes at his words which made him laugh at me once more.

"Have you filed for divorce yet?" he asked me with a slight laugh as he walked towards the door.

"No, I need to though since I haven't heard from Jess yet," I called as he opened the door to leave, but stopped to look at me once more.

"You are coming over tonight, right?" he asked me as he turned to leave. Emmett always threw a New Years Eve party. In the past I did not attend since Jess always insisted that we attend one of the overpriced parties that her father would throw instead.

"I don't know. I am not in much of a mood for a party," I called as he snickered at me.

"Bella's going to be there," he called and then left, knowing that I would attend now since I would do anything to see her. It was a bullshit move on his part, but it would work since I knew that I would go to his damn party just to see her from a distance.

The rest of the day passed and as it did I tried to keep a low profile. I dodged phone calls from my mom and dad as well as grandpa. I had nothing to say to any of them so why talk?

By early evening I had changed out of my suit into a pair of jeans and button up shirt so I looked nice, but not overdone since Emmett was known for his beer bashes. I left the apartment as I threw on a sweatshirt and drove to Emmett's place, hoping like hell that Bella would still show up. I knew that I would not have a chance to talk to her, but just seeing her and knowing that she was fine was all that I wanted now.

Emmett opened the door for me and I was surprised by the lack of people there. He told me that they were scaling back and all since he was about thirty, something about him needing to be an adult, but I had not believed him. I think I may have laughed at him when he told me this since it seemed so odd for Emmett, but I guess we were getting older.

I walked through the thin crowd, scanning the room for Bella and I did not find her right away. She was hidden somewhat in the corner with Rosalie tucked in close to her while the asshole Biers watched them from a distance. I wanted to laugh at the scene since it was obvious that he was in trouble with her just by how everything was looking.

The night passed and as it did, I would watch Bella. She smiled and laughed, but I could tell it was off. She was still upset and she had the right to be. She had been fucked over as much as I was by Grandpa, but what I found to be so odd was how Riley was keeping his distance from her. It was even stranger when he was close to her since she almost seemed to flinch in his presence as if being that close to him was too much.

I also watched as she took drink after drink. The Bella of the past that I knew was not afraid to drink and enjoyed a good buzz, but this drinking was different. It was determined and continuous as I watched her slowly become drunk.

"What's going on over there?" I asked Emmett as I motioned toward Riley and Bella who looked like they were in a heated conversation that he was not winning.

"Ah, that?" he asked as he motioned towards them in a discreet manner that was not all that discreet.

"Trouble in paradise," he said snickering as Bella stomped away from Riley as he stood there with a dumb look on his face. I asked him if he knew what was going on and he claimed that he had no idea, except that Rose told him that Riley was in trouble with Bella. The idea of Riley in trouble with Bella made me snicker as well, but I left it at that.

As midnight neared I told Emmett I was leaving. I did not want to be there for midnight and all the celebration. I was tired and celebrating was the last thing I wanted to do. He nodded me off as I grabbed my coat to slip out the back door so I could leave undetected. It was once I was out in his back patio that I stopped abruptly as I found another person leaning against the railing looking out into the sky of an unusually clear Seattle night with a drink in her hand.

In the darkness I could see her slight shiver from the cold wind blowing around her, causing her dark hair to swirl around her, almost like a halo. My heart started to pound in my chest as I tried to look at her face, but she was turned just enough that I could not make out her expression.

"Bella?" I asked in a questioning manner, but she didn't turn to look at me right away. There was a long delay, as if she was cursing herself for being found out in the dark by me.

"Go away Edward," she whispered in a rough voice that told me she had been crying and the thought of her crying killed me since I knew that I had something to do with it. It always had killed me when she cried.

I stepped closer to her and as I did I slipped off my jacket and then tugged off the sweat shirt I had been wearing. Bella was just out there in her thin long sleeve t-shirt and jeans so she had to be freezing. Once I was close enough I touched her arm and felt how cold she was. My touch caused her to turn to look at me with her sad brown eyes.

"You are like ice, Bella. You should go in," I said in a hushed tone as I stepped closer yet to her. I was unsure if she would react to my presence any more than what she had.

When she didn't move I slowly slipped out of the sweatshirt I had been wearing. I took hold of her arm and took the glass out of her hand and sat it on the railing. I slowly pulled my sweat shirt over her head while she stood there, not moving and silent for me. I helped her with her arms and once she had my on shirt I rubbed her arms to help generate some warmth for her since she felt frozen.

"Edward," she said with a shudder as warmth had to start coursing through her frozen arms.

"Are you ok?" I asked her as I noticed her faraway look that reminded how young she looked standing there in front of me. She looked so lost.

"No, nothing is ok," she said with a soft slur as she looked away from me, as if she could not stand to see me in front of her. There were always two types of drunken Bella that would appear after an evening of drinking. The first one was horny drunk Bella. She was my favorite since in the past, horny drunk Bella was up for anything, anywhere. She was wild and adventurous, but now I hated to think of that side of her since it was that fuckhole Biers that got to enjoy it. The other personality that would show when Bella was drinking and had too much on her mind was one that over thought everything. It was like even though the alcohol was slowing her mind, it wasn't enough to stop it completely and that was who was before me now. I could see her thoughts rambling along in her sad brown eyes. I could see all her questions and it killed me.

There was a long pause before she finally spoke and when she did it just broke my heart since she vocalized the fears that I had over her appearance at the firm.

"He wanted me, Edward. Why?" she asked me with such big, innocent eyes that made my heart ache to look at her.

"What are you talking about?" I asked her as I pulled her closer to me until we were touching. I listened to her murmur that she was cold as she stepped into me so we were pressed together. I tried to keep my arms at my side as she pressed her body against mine for warmth, but the more she pressed closer the harder it became until I finally caved and wrapped my arms around her, holding her to me.

This was the first time I had held her since our last night together three years ago and the feel of her in my arms was overwhelming. It felt right and I felt whole for the first time in what seemed like forever, as if whatever was missing in my life was now here with me.

Her little body shivered against mine and I listened to her sigh as she pressed her face against my chest and finally wrapped her arms around me as well. I felt myself let go of the breath I was holding, but had not realized I was. I found myself wanting to take her with me, to bring her back to the apartment, make her warm and hold her for as long as she would allow it, but I knew that move would be a foolish one.

"Your grandpa. He wanted _me_. It was in the contract that I had to come. I am so fucked," she muttered against my chest as I held her to me, enjoying this moment too much for all the heartache that came along with it.

"I didn't know," I replied, unsure of how to keep this conversation going while pressed my face onto the top of her head, welcoming the tickling on my nose by her soft hair as I breathed in the fruity scent that was just Bella.

"If you find out why, will you tell me?" she asked me in a whisper as if she was scared over what I would say.

"Of course, I promise," I replied in a greedy fashion since I would agree to anything she asked me now as long as I got to hold her close to me again.

"No, don't promise. You don't keep your promises," she said with a shake of her head against my chest while I sputtered, telling her that I would keep this promise to her no matter what.

"No, Edward, just say yes or no. No promises," she insisted with a surprising amount of conviction as she looked up at me with dull eyes from the alcohol that she had been drinking, but even with that dullness they were still deep and inviting.

"Yes, I will tell you," I managed to whisper to her and with my words her beautiful face broke out in a soft smile, pleased at my words to her.

"I missed you so much," I whispered to her, hearing the words escape from my lips before I had a chance to keep them inside my heart. I watched her smile at my words while her eyes stayed so sad looking, reaffirming the fact that she was drunk since I knew if she had been sober she would not have smiled at what I had declared to her.

I watched amazed as her hand slowly came up and traced my jaw with her icy fingers in the tenderest way. It was like how she used to touch me and the thought of that made me shudder against her while she held my gaze. I could see the warmth and flicker of something, maybe the past, in her eyes as we looked at each other.

I found myself talking without thinking as I looked into her chocolate eyes.

"Bella, I am so sorry. I would change it all if I could," I stammered without really thinking of my words, but I needed her to know the truth, my heart, all of it. I would change it all for her if I could. I would make it so that she would have never met my grandpa. I would have been more thoughtful with her. I would have kept her away from his path. I would have realized that I was being played the fool. I would have done more to protect her, and now because I hadn't she was dealing with him.

I watched her face freeze at my words. I could see the worry and tension on her lovely features as she looked at me with a quizzical look about her.

"You would change everything?" she asked me in an unsure voice that surprised me since I would have thought that she would have wanted me to have changed everything to avoid this moment for her. I nodded my head in agreement as she watched me and a startled look passed over her face as I held her still.

"You would change us?" she asked me in a small voice, but her gaze held mine, drawing me in until I was lost in their depth.

I didn't need to think about her question. I knew the answer to that long before she had ever even asked me.

"Yes, I would change everything about us" I stuttered and then watched as her facial expression change in an instant from uncertain to disbelief.

I opened my mouth to explain that I would change what happened to us. I would change it so that there was no hiding and that everyone would have known about her, about us. I would change it all. There would have been no marriage to Jess. There would have been only her in my life and that was the way I would only want it.

We were locked in that odd embrace of seeking warmth and comfort from each other while I tried to speak, to explain what I would change about us when the back door flew open and out stepped Riley with a horrified look on his face as he saw us together.

"What the fuck are you doing?" he demanded from Bella, causing her to jump in my arms as his voice boomed in the silence around us.

"Hey, man, just back off," I replied in a cold tone as Bella slowly stepped away from me only to sway enough to display how unsure she was on her feet.

"Don't tell me what to do when you are out here with my girlfriend taking advantage of her!" he yelled at me as he stepped closer in an intimidating manner.

"I was not taking advantage of her. I came out here to leave and found her instead. She was cold, shivering and where the fuck were you?" I asked him as I stepped closer as well.

"Hey break it up," Emmett called from the door way causing us both to look over in surprise as Bella still clung to me as if I was the only thing keeping her standing and I was not about to let her go.

"What the fuck, Bella?" he asked her as she continued to hold on to me as if she could feel the earth moving beneath her feet.

"Ri, leave me alone. I told you I was mad at you," she said in a harsh voice that surprised me a little.

"Bells, come on," he said in a soft voice, pleading with her to understand something that I had no idea about. I watched as Bella looked up at me with her dark eyes glowing, but I could not tell what she was trying to tell me, if anything at all.

"Alright, come on. Riley, go inside," Em said as he stepped out on to the porch since no one was moving.

"Sure, so I can leave her alone with this asshole," Riley said in a sneer that pissed me off.

"Listen man, I can't have you screwing with him. He's my brother and only family can call him that," Em said as Bella snorted at his words.

"Well, you can call him an asshole, babe, you know you're family," Em said to Bella as she giggled softly for him, but it sounded strained, as if she was fighting off tears, as her icy hands clung to my shirt tightly.

"Go on in and I will get Bella inside," Em said and then motioned for Riley to go. As he left he muttered something about Emmett being a dick, but nothing more was said. We stood there watching Riley leave as Bella still held on to me tightly.

"You ready babe?" Em asked her as she stood there with me for a moment longer, but refused to look at me anymore and then let go of my shirt to take hold of Em's hand.

"Good night, Bella," I called to her as Em walked inside, but she would not look back at me at all.

"I'll call you tomorrow," Em said as he shut the door leaving me alone once more.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading & reviewing! I am sorry I have not responded to all reviews just yet : ) **

**A special thanks to IcarusToSun for her mad beta skills and encouragement on this story. Hugs to you!**

**Oh, and because I know it will be asked… Riley gets busted in the update after the next one so never fear!**

**I got to ask a favor.. Please check out my other story Lingering Shadows. I love that Edward! He is in need of redemption as well, but is not such a jerk. It is only 3 chapters in and Edward was just introduced so it will get good from here.**

**Also don't forget the blog & get your creative juices flowing since the blog will be hosting it's first angst story writing challenge. More information to come!**

**Take care until next time….**

**Hugs,**

**Mamasutra **

**xxoo**


	23. Chapter 23

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

EPOV pt 2

I went home after leaving Bella in Emmett's care even though I did not want to. I wanted to stay. I wanted to hold her more. I wanted to warm her and explain what I would change about us. I wanted a lot of things and they all centered on Bella.

That night I could not sleep at all. My mind kept racing as I thought about what happened in my life. The images of Bella swarmed me. I could see her when we first met, all sweet and covered in black with Doc Marten boots. I could almost taste the cherry chap stick she was wearing the first time I kissed her in her dorm room as Alice slept in the bed next to us. I could see her when we made love, all pink and warm from our coming together and then afterwards the glow that she always wore when we were done. Those memories were wonderful and made me smile. It was these memories that warmed me, gave me hope, made me believe that made I could find that again.

My mind then took a darker turn. I could see her face as she cried. I could see her face and the crestfallen look she would give me after I would say something cold or cruel to her. I could see her look of faked indifference every time I brought Jess around her. I could see how it affected her with the tremor in her hand or the glassiness of her eyes with unshed tears. I could see her doubt in herself and the pain that she tried to hide. Her pain was my fault and there was really no way for me to overcome that past.

I finally drifted off to sleep with images of a happy Bella swirling with the sad Bella as I dreamed of better times and being a better man.

I was half awake when my phone rang. I knew that Emmett would be calling and to be honest I wanted to hear from him since I needed to know if Bella was ok. I needed to know that fucker Biers had left her alone after I had walked away since the last thing I wanted was to cause more problems for Bella.

"Hey, you want to come over for brunch?" Emmett greeted me as I said hello into the cell phone. Brunch sounded good until he told me that Mom and Dad would be there. I was in no mood to deal with Mom's questions or Dad's disapproving looks so I declined the offer and asked about Bella instead.

"She's still asleep," he said with a tired sigh into the phone for me.

"She stayed with you guys last night?" I asked him, wondering why she would be there still.

"Yeah, she's pissed at Riley and him being a dick last night is not helping his case," Em said with a quiet laugh as if it was no big deal that Bella was upset with Biers.

We talked for a while and as we did I felt this gnawing feeling to ask him why he was around me now. He had spent the last three years avoiding me and now Emmett was trying hard to integrate himself into my life.

"What's going on?" I asked him, unable to stop myself any longerfrom asking him what his intentions were.

"What do you mean? What's going on today? There is a thing at Mom and Dad's, but I didn't think you would want to go to that," he said in a confused voice that made me laugh, but did not distract me from my questions.

"I mean, man, here you are now and yet for the last three years you have avoided me so while I am not trying to sound like a girl here, but what's going on?" I asked him in a rush while feeling like a fucking fool.

"I don't know man, I just, I just think that I have been a shitty brother to you," Emmett stammered awkwardly.

"I could have been better. I could have helped you. I could have pointed out when you had your head so far up your ass that you couldn't see straight, but I didn't and that's on me," he said in a tone that told me he felt some regret about what had occurred and that was not needed at all.

"This isn't your fault," I told him, hoping that he understood that which caused him to laugh at me.

"Oh, I know that. This mess is all on you man," he said with a tired laugh.

"But, I just want to be here now, so yeah," he said as he laughed and then shifted the conversation over the college football games that would be occurring that day.

The rest of New Year's Day I spent alone in my thoughts. I had a lot to figure out concerning what my next move would be. Did I want to go back to the firm? Hell, could I even go back to the firm? I wasn't sure of anything and by the end of the day I was no closer to a conclusion than I was before.

The next day dawned with the sound of pounding on my door. I tried to ignore it since I had determined last night that I would take another day off from the firm before sorting out my actions there. I slowly stumbled out of bed and made my way to the door. As I did I noticed that I had slept in until ten in the morning, which was unheard of for me.

I opened the door to find a young man standing there, looking irritated that I had made him wait for so long.

"Are you Edward Anthony Cullen?" he stated in an annoyed huff that pissed me off. I nodded.

"These are for you. Have a good day," he called before turning to leave me alone in my doorway with a packet of papers in my hand.

I knew what these papers were. Jess had filed for divorce. I found myself feeling instantly relieved and yet regretful all at once. I shouldn't have married her. I shouldn't have done it, but now this was my chance to correct that mistake.

I returned inside with a happy smile as I started to open and look over the documents in my hand. It was not until I was on the third page from her attorney that I noticed the request for half of my trust fund as well as half of my ownership in the Cullen Law Firm.

My anger sky rocketed as I looked over her list of demands. She wanted it all and while I was willing to part with half of what I earned in my 401k while we were married as well as half of whatever profit is made from selling certain items that we both owned there was no way in hell I was handing over my trust fund or my ownership in the firm.

I grabbed my cell phone and called Jess. It was odd since I had not called her in over a month and even now she was the last person I wanted to call. I waited while her phone rang and then listened as she picked up the line.

"What the fuck Jess!" I growled into the phone at her.

"Good morning to you too Edward," she said in such a chipper tone that it made me sick.

"I see you received the paper work. Do you think you will be able to sign it today so we can just get this over with?" she asked me in a bored tone that made my anger flare higher.

"Like hell you are getting half of my trust fund or half of what I own in the firm," I said to her in a cold tone only to be greeted by her laughter at me.

"Well, you should have thought about that and filed before our anniversary," she giggled at me as I muttered obscenities at her.

"What the hell are you talking about?" I asked her as I screamed into the phone.

"Oh, Eddie, you make me laugh. Go read our prenup and then sign the damn papers!" she said in an angry tone before hanging up on me. I was left staring at the cell phone in my hand while cursing her out loud.

I had no idea where the copy of my prenup was even at even if I wanted to go read it. I barely remember even signing it. I was all consumed with Bella at the time so I could have agreed to anything just so I could get back to her once more.

After tearing through what documents I had brought with me to the apartment I had no choice, but to call my mom since she may have a copy on file somewhere. I reluctantly dialed her number and as I did I took a deep calming breath.

"Well, hello Edward," she said in a sarcastic tone that told me how mad she was at me. She had been trying to get a hold of me since I escaped from the firm the other day and I had been avoiding her calls.

"Hey Mom," I mumbled as I sat down on the couch.

"What do I owe this great pleasure?" she teased as I heard other voices on the other end of the line around her as I wondered if she was in the office now or at home.

"Do you happen to have a copy of the damn prenup that I signed?" I asked her, feeling like a child who fucked up royally once more.

"Yes, it's at home. Why?" she asked sounding interested in the conversation suddenly.

"I need to see it. I got served with the divorce papers and I don't agree with her demands," I managed to say as I looked out the window of the front room to the street below.

"Ok, well, I will meet you over there tonight and we can get it out," she said with a grim tone and then agreed upon a time to meet me at home.

"Edward, do you have an attorney?" she asked me as I attempted to end the call.

"No, not yet, but I will call a few today," I offered and then once more told her good bye.

"Are you coming in today?" she asked me in an uncertain voice that hurt my heart.

"No, I need to think," I said simply as I tried again to get off the phone and thankfully she agreed.

I spent the rest of the hours remaining until meeting mom calling old friends to see who they would suggest in this matter. The horrible part was half of them suggested Bella and there was no way in hell I was calling her for help in this matter.

Finally, it was time to go back home to meet Mom. She had promised to make dinner and like a fool I had agreed to it. She made me feel bad by implying that I was avoiding her somehow and I guess I was in a way. I didn't want to talk about my divorce. I didn't want to talk about the partnership and I sure as hell did not want to talk about Bella.

I pulled up to the large house and slowly got out to walk inside. Mom greeted me with a hug and then led me into the kitchen where food was waiting for me. She had made a large dinner and while I looked at her skeptically since it made no sense for her to go this far out I heard the front door open and a voice call out to us.

"Esme? You told me just to come in, but I am not very comfortable with this," I heard Bella's sweet voice call out to Mom.

"We are up here!" Mom called out in a chipper voice that made me sick as I hissed _No _at her.

"There is no need to involve Bella!" I hissed in a quiet tone and then turned to see a shocked looking Bella staring at us as we stood there together. Mom recovered quickly and gave Bella a bright smile.

"Come in dear! I made dinner just like I said I would," Mom said happily as she motioned for us both to sit down at the table.

"I think there has been a mistake," Bella stammered as she looked at me.

"No there hasn't. I called you because I said I need your help and that is why you are here," Mom replied with a confident tone as Bella looked between Mom and me with a wary look.

"I need you to represent Edward in his divorce," Mom said as we both protested her words.

"Mom, it's not necessary. I can find my own attorney," I said quickly hoping to get out of this mess.

"I know you can, but I also know Marvin Stanley, honey, he will make it his mission to hurt you since you are divorcing his daughter. You need the best and the best is Bella," she said in a reassuring tone that made me cringe.

"I am not sure if I can represent him," Bella stammered, trying to find a way out as well.

"Sure you can dear. You declined to represent Jess and did not discuss anything concerning the divorce, correct?" Mom asked her with the same happy smile that seemed to be pissing Bella off as much as it was me.

"Ok, well then I don't want to represent him," Bella said in a harsh tone that caught my mother's attention while I remained silent. I understood why she would not want to do it, but Mom had no idea about our history.

"Bella Swan, you came to me with tears in your eyes and told me that you had to leave the firm. You understood everything that you were leaving behind as well as giving up. Do you remember this?" Mom asked her in a harsh tone that surprised me while Bella remained silent.

"I heard your plea and helped you. I helped establish you with Tanya. I helped your friends get out as well. I kept your secret. I never told Edward where you were or how you got the job," Mom said in a huff as I stared at her. I didn't know that Mom was the one who helped Bella to leave and I wasn't sure how I felt about that.

"You owe me a favor and I am calling that favor in. You will represent my son and save him from the evil witch that he just had to marry," Mom finished in a gust of air that surprised me. I watched as Bella looked at her with a guilty look before sighing in defeat.

"I will do this, but only for you, Esme, and after this we are even. No more favors," Bella said in a harsh tone, but it was too late Mom was squealing in happiness.

"Now, sit down and eat. You're too thin. I will get the prenup out," Mom said happily and then paused to kiss my cheek as she walked by leaving Bella and I alone in the room together.

"You don't have to do this," I said as we stared at each other. Bella's rich brown eyes looked black with anger as she looked at me.

"Yes, I do. It's a favor to your mom, it's not for you," she said in an icy tone that made me flinch at its coldness.

I sat down and watched as Bella looked anywhere except at me. She was uncomfortable and it showed with her stilted actions and nervous ticks.

Mom reappeared and joined us. I could tell by the frown on her face that she could feel the tension in the room as well. She looked at me and then back at Bella with a sad shake of her head.

"I don't know what happened between the two of you, but I think that it ia terribly sad," Mom said as she looked at the two of us in a manner that was meant to incite guilt.

"Well, Esme if you doubt my ability to be fair I would love to refer you on to another family law attorney here in Seattle that might be helpful to you," Bella said in such a professional tone that I snickered at her, which earned me a scowl.

"There is no need, Bella. I have no doubt in your ability to remain impartial," Mom replied coolly with a sweet smile as Bella scowled at her as well.

We ate in relative silence while Bella picked at her food. Mom was right she was too thin. I had noticed that the other night when I held her that she seemed too small, too frail, as if a strong wind would snap her in two. I opened my mouth to speak to her, but she scowled at me once more effectively causing me to remain silent while she barely ate anything.

After dinner we both continued to sit there while mom cleared the table after refusing our help.

"Why don't you move into the office? I have the paperwork set up there for you and I will bring in some coffee," Mom said breaking the silence as she shoed us into the office area to work.

We walked silently with me leading the way while Bella trudged along like she dreaded our time together. I could not stand the silence and her scowls. Maybe I deserved it, but that did not mean that I wanted to deal with it so I mentioned to her that she could act like she was not being led to slaughter.

"That's real funny, Edward, since every time you are involved I do end up fucked in one way or another," she said in a sour voice as she looked at me with her eyes blazing full of anger.

"I told you that I am sorry," I said as I looked at her.

"Well that's not good enough. I have heard you say that you were sorry a million times and yet, you meant none of them," Bella said in a quiet hiss as if she was trying to keep it down so my mother wouldn't hear.

"I will do this. I will take your case, but only for your mother, not for you, just so you know this," she said this time a little louder, but just as cold.

"I understand," I stammered to her, wishing like hell that she was drunk and chatty again like the other night since this cold Bella was hard to take when I knew that she wasn't really like that all the time.

It was at this moment that an idea struck me. Maybe we could work a trade when it comes to case work and with that thought I tentatively opened my mouth to speak.

"Maybe you would allow me to look at your contract with the firm?" I asked her as she looked up at me from her stack of papers with fire in her eyes. She knew my specialty was tort law and so if there was a loop hole anywhere in her contract I would find it for her and I told her this as well.

"Why do you want to do this?" she asked me with a skeptical look on her beautiful face that made me want to smile at her stupidly.

"Because," I replied with a smile that I could not resist, but this only made her scowl.

"No, Edward, I am tired of being fucked with, tell me why?" she said in a soft, somewhat sad voice that broke my heart a bit. I knew she was tired of all the dealings with my family and that was my fault once more.

"I am doing this since if I can help you it will make you happy," I said in a soft tone as she watched me with a frown. Now that surprised me since I thought that my words would put her at ease a bit, but they didn't.

"I want to fix things. I want to…I want to make you happy," I started to stammer as her eyes and the storm brewing in them caused my nerves to rise.

"You want to fix things?" she asked me in a disbelieving tone with a slight laugh as I nodded helplessly at her.

"Unbelievable," I heard her mutter to herself as she stood up and turned away from me as if she was about to leave me once more.

"Bella…" I started to say with hopes of explaining my need to fix this mess. My need to correct my mistakes when it came to her and every other thing that I had touched and ruined in my life.

"Don't you dare, Edward," she hissed at me suddenly as he had moved to point at me in a menacing fashion that silenced me immediately.

"Don't you dare tell me how you want to make me happy or better yet, don't you fucking dare tell me how you only cared about my happiness since that was the biggest lie you had ever told me!" she said with such anger in her voice that I found myself staggering away from her as if she had physically touched me.

"You never cared if I was happy, Edward. It was always all about you, so don't try to rewrite history with me," she hissed in anger as her brown eyes blazed red in her rage.

"You really think that?" I asked her as I felt my own anger rise a bit at her accusations that I never cared. She looked at me with such anger and in that moment I tried to grasp all that I had done to deserve this anger, this rage. I knew that I deserved it, but it did not make it any easier to take.

I watched as Bella laughed a cold, harsh laugh at me while she glared at me as if I would burst into flames just by her stare.

"Yes, Edward. I really think that. Your actions, your words all told me it was about you and I was just an after thought, a whim, a distraction from your perfect life in Seattle's society scene," she spat at me while I cringed at her words.

I hung my head in shame since she was right. I had told her these things. I had told her that she was not worthy. I had told her that she did not understand my world, but the funny thing was that she had always understood my world better than I ever had. I had treated her horribly and kept coming back to her since I knew that I just could not be without her, no matter what words came out of my mouth.

"I'm sorry," I whispered to her softly as Bella groaned in what could only be frustration.

"Bella, I did care if you were happy. I did care and continue to care that you're happy. It's just… It's just you don't understand…" I started to say, but Bella cut me off once more with a roll of her big doe eyes at me.

"Oh, here we go again," she said in a sarcastic tone almost to herself, as she stepped closer to the door while I stepped to block her path from leaving.

"Oh please, enlighten me, Edward, What the hell don't I understand now?" she demanded in a tone that made me realize she was near the end of her patience with me over this matter. I had no choice, but to tell her that Grandpa knew about the DVD. This was something I was avoiding telling her since the damn thing had been filmed.

"You know Grandpa saw the DVD," I started to stammer to her as I watched her big eyes widen in surprise for a brief moment as recognition of what DVD I was mentioning settled over her features.

"He told me if that DVD got out that you would be ruined. You'd lose your scholarship and you would lose any credibility that you had earned at the firm. You would suddenly only be known as the girl who slept with the owner's grandson and that would be what people would think instead of any of your academic accomplishments," I said quickly as I watched her emotionless face continue to stare at me blindly.

"Marvin Stanly, Jess's dad, well he's a dick, Bella. He would have looked for ways to get back at me and he would have ruined you in the process to hurt me. You would have been black-listed at other firms here in Seattle. Your career would have been over before it even started," I said in a rush as I watched her and her lack of response.

"I couldn't let that happen to you. I was not about to let anyone take away what you had worked so hard for. You were just too good to let that happen," I said as I finished in a gust of air as if I was finally airing out the last of my secrets to her.

"How would he have gotten the tape?" she asked in a low voice as she watched me emotionless.

"I don't know. I didn't put it past my grandpa to give it to him," I said in a quiet voice to match hers.

"I decided that I could not risk it. I could not risk you losing everything," I stuttered to her as the truth of my words hit me as well. I wanted her to feel the truth in my words that I chose her over me; some of my blunders were to protect her and her future as well.

"You were always, always on my mind and in my thoughts even though I did things to make you doubt that," I said as I stepped closer to her, trying to close the distance between us once more, only to watch her step away.

"Oh that is rich, Edward, really fucking rich," she said as her anger bloomed once more.

"What?" I asked her, unsure of what he was becoming so angry about. I had spilled my hidden secret to her, showing her that it was always her and it was not enough.

"Don't you dare blame me for your horrible marriage!" she hissed at me as her anger came back in full force at me while I looked at her in shock.

"I never blamed you!" I exclaimed in horror as she scowled at me.

"Marrying Jess was my mistake and I take full blame on that one. I should have known better. I should have left when I had the chance," I exclaimed as she continued to watch me, still burning bright with anger.

"Then why did you do it? I know you, you never do anything without a reason," she asked me harshly as she scowled at me once more.

"I agreed to that sham of a marriage to promote the firm and to protect you in what little way I could," I said as anger colored my tone with her.

"You never told me about any of this," she replied to me with anger still in her voice.

"I didn't want you to be upset or to worry," I replied to her as I wished for just one fucking moment that she understood why I did what I did.

"Yeah, I know. You didn't want me to do anything or have a say in my future," she said in a slightly sad tone that surprised me. Anger I expected, sadness I had not. It was at that moment that Bella realized that I was confused by her reaction and this made her laugh at me once more. I hated it when she laughed at me.

"Oh, come on, Edward. Don't act like you don't know," she hissed at me flipping back into anger in a blink of an eye.

"The great omnificent Edward fucking Cullen decided what was best," she hissed at me with a wave of her angry hand.

"You decided what was best for you and for the firm and then finally me!" she yelled at me in anger.

"You took away my choice Edward! You decided for me and look at what a wonderful job you did!" she yelled as I stood there in front of her, with my mouth gaping in shock over her words.

"I couldn't risk…"I started to say, but she cut me off.

"Yes, I know. You couldn't risk it, but it wasn't your decision to make, don't you see?" she asked me in anger as I looked at her lovely face, flushed red with fury.

"It was my choice if I wanted to risk my career, Edward," she hissed in anger as her words stunned me into silence.

"If you would have taken the time to ask me back then what I wanted I would have said you. I would have said you were worth the risk. I would have said that I would rather lose any future career over losing you," Bella said in a low tone as if she was embarrassed by her own admission. She refused to look at me as her words died in the air around us.

My chest started to ache at the thought of her declaration and how different things would be if I had stopped to ask her or even tell her what had happened. It hurt to know how different things could have been.

"But you didn't. You decided what was best for everyone involved. You decided that the firm's future was more important than yours or mine or ours together so don't you fucking dare tell me how much you thought of my happiness since it is quite clear that you didn't," Bella said in a soft tone that was still laced with anger as she looked out the window that was off to the side of us.

"Bella…" I started to say, but honestly I had no idea what I would say to her. She was right I had wrecked it all and the worst part was that I had wrecked it all for nothing.

"Don't Edward, just don't," she said in a defeated voice that made my chest hurt more as she motioned for me to stop with her hands.

"I am sorry," I whispered to her as she cringed at my words while dabbing her eyes so I could not see the tears that I knew were there.

"I am sorry that I was dick. I am sorry that I fucked everything up. I am sorry that I failed you," I said softly, willing her to hear the truth in my words, to hear my heart as I spoke to her.

"If I could change everything I would," I stammered to her as she turned to look at me with her brown eyes glassy from unshed tears before rolling her eyes at me in anger once more.

"Oh, I know you would. You would erase us and the past. Trust me, some days I am all for that as well," she said to me as if she was tired from our discussion.

Her words cut me to the quick. How could she ever think that I would change our past? She was all that pulled me through some days.

"No, never," I countered back quickly as I held her burning gaze with mine, willing her to see the truth in my eyes as I spoke to her.

"I would never change or erase one moment that I had with you. Not one touch or kiss would I change. I would never trade them for anything," I told her as I fought back the anger that I felt at her accusing me of wanting her gone when she was all I ever wanted.

"What I would change is all of my dumb decisions. I would change how horrible I was to you. I would change me, but never, ever you," I said with conviction, willing her to hear me.

Bella watched me for a moment, but remained silent. She gave nothing away as to what she was thinking about my words. I was still standing there, waiting for her reaction when Bella moved slowly so that she had returned to her chair. I watched as she slowly sat down as if she was weary from battle.

I mirrored her actions by moving to sit as well, all the while I waited for her response to me. Bella turned to look at me with an uncertain look and that odd staring contest was how Mom had found us as she brought coffee into the room for us.

I watched her take a slow sip off of her cup as Mom left the room wordlessly once more.

"Ok, Edward," Bella said quietly, without a hint of anger in her tone as she sat her cup down on the desk in front of her.

"We can do this. I will represent you," Bella said in a more confident voice that I immediately recognized as her work tone. I nodded my head in agreement, letting her know that I was on board for this as well.

"And I will agree to letting you look over my contract with the firm to see if you can get me out of this mess," she continued on in the same strained, yet confident tone as I fought off the urge to smile at what felt like a small victory for some reason.

"If there is a way out I will find it for you," I said softly as I looked over at her and was greeted with uncertainty in her beautiful eyes.

Bella extended her arm out to me to shake hands as if we had agreed upon a deal. I took hold of her small hand in mine and gave it a gentle squeeze as she watched my face intently.

"I trust you to do just that," she said softly and then looked away from me while removing her hand from mine. I watched her gaze out the window as if she was in deep thought and while she was distracted I allowed myself a small smile over her words. She trusted me to help her and I was not about to wreck this chance.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading and reviewing! **

**A special thanks to IcarusToSun for her mad beta skills and kind words! Hugs to you!**

**I have part three in works for EPOV so look for that one soon!**

**Until next time…..**

**Take care,**

**Mamasutra**

**xxoo**


	24. Chapter 24

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

EPOV pt 3

I watched as Bella read over my prenup. She was focused and had an intense look on her face that reminded me of when we studied together back in law school. I could see the determination in her eyes as she read over each word of the document and then stopped long enough to drink her coffee while Mom came back in to refresh our drinks for us.

"Esme, do you have a copier around here?" she asked Mom absent mindedly then asked for two copies of the prenup, explaining that she wanted to write on one of them. I snickered at this since that was very much like how she was in law school, wanting to write her ideas on her copy.

"Really, there is nothing to laugh about," she said in a grim voice as she gazed at me with her serious look making her brown eyes look black with emotion. I quieted down as she ran a tired hand through her hair before pulling it up in a pony tail to keep it out of her face.

"Edward, I have to ask this since none of this is making any sense," Bella said in slow manner that told me she was choosing her words to say to me. I nodded my head for her to continue on with her question.

"Did you even read this before you signed it?" she asked me with a serious tone as she looked at me with uncertainty.

I hadn't read it before I signed it. I just signed it since I knew it didn't matter. I knew none of it mattered. I was signing away my life, my future and nothing in the document could be worse than that.

I shook my head no at her and watched as she stared at me in disbelief.

"What the hell were you thinking?" she asked me in a disbelieving tone that reminded me of my mom somehow.

"I thought it didn't matter, that there was nothing in there that could hurt me more than what I was already doing," I managed to say as she stared at me with her brown eyes almost glazed over in shock.

"Does your trust fund matter?" she asked me in a sharp tone, letting her irritation shine through to me.

"It's just money, Bella," I said with a shrug since that was only the truth. Even if Jess took half of the trust I would still be left with over one million dollars sitting there thanks to the selling of my grandparents' shipping business.

"Well, spoke like a person who has never had to worry about money," she said back snidely as she rolled her eyes at me.

"Listen, I am not going to waste my time on this if the money is meaningless. I have better things to take up my time," Bella huffed in irritation as she started to pack up the papers in front of her.

"I never said that!" I exclaimed to her as she stopped and looked at me as if I had lost my mind and maybe I had.

"You just said that it was only money," she replied slowly as if she was talking to a child.

"Yes, and it is only money, that doesn't mean that I am all for handing it over to Jess," I replied with a scowl. I hated the idea of handing everything over to Jess. I hated the thought that she would walk away with money that was not hers to begin with.

"Ok, so let me get this right, you never read your prenup, right?" she asked me and I nodded my head yes as she rolled her eyes at me.

"Some attorney you are," she muttered as she made notes on the copy of the prenup that Mom brought back for her.

"I am sorry, but it had to be said," Bella groaned in anger as she looked at me with a scowl.

"Edward, you are a moron," she said simply as she looked at me with a blank face.

"You should have read it. What were you thinking?" she asked me again as she looked over at me with a look that told me how stupid she thought I really was.

"You're a good attorney and you know better, so I don't buy your reasoning that it just didn't matter," she said in a calm tone as she looked at me, willing me to tell her something, anything that would be different, but there was nothing to tell.

"Bella, at the time it really didn't matter to me," I replied back simply as I looked at her, hoping that she understood I had no other answer for her.

"And it matters now?" she questioned me as she cocked her head to the side as she looked at me funny.

"Because, if it doesn't matter then I suggest just signing the papers and being done with it all," she finished with a tired sigh as she leaned back in the chair with an uncertain look.

"It does matter," I replied to her as she watched me with a shake of her head.

"Ok, fine. It matters," she said with finality while she packed up her things and as I watched her I felt some unease settle over me.

"Are you leaving?" I asked her with a twinge of panic in my voice that I tried to hide, but it was no use. I knew she could hear it.

"Yeah, I need to think," she replied with a yawn as she put her things back in the sachet that she had brought with her.

I wanted to ask her to stay a while longer, but I couldn't do that. I was barely being tolerated by her at this point, so I could not ask for more just yet.

"What are you doing for lunch tomorrow?" she asked me out of the blue, shocking me as I sat there like a fool in front of her.

"We need to meet to go over a game plan here if you are planning on fighting it," she said with a tired voice. I looked at Bella's beautiful face and I could see the fatigue line her features, making her look more somber than what she was in reality.

She must have misinterpreted my shock for resistance as I sat there staring at her.

"I am not promising anything Edward, since, well, there is no getting around it, I think you are just really, really fucked here," she said in a discouraging tone that made me look away.

I should not have been shocked by this, but yet I was. I should have known that even in my attempts to get out I would fuck this up just like always.

"But, I am willing to look and see if there is another way," she said with a quirky smile that made me want to smile as well.

"If there is another way then we will try that, after all, what do we have to lose, right?" she asked with a slight smile that did not reach her eyes. It made her look sad and I hated that once more I was making her sad.

"Ok, so what about lunch?" I asked her as she looked at her phone while sending off a text message.

"Uh….how about we meet at noon at Mr. Wang's?" she asked me as she continued to text without looking at me.

"Sure, that will work. I will reserve that side room they have," I offered as she finally looked up and nodded at me, but I could tell her mind was elsewhere.

I watched her grab her things and stand up to leave so I followed her out. I listened as she told Mom about my hopeless situation and her suggestion just to sign the papers to be done with it, however Mom agreed with me that it was worth fighting over just on principal alone.

"So, I will see you tomorrow," Bella said in a curt manner that made me smile as she addressed me, which only made her roll her eyes at me.

"Don't forget to bring your contract for me to look over," I said to her as I followed her out after saying good night to Mom.

"I don't know if I want you to look over it now that I have seen how much attention to detail you give to things," she said in a dry manner that made me laugh a little since she was right. I had paid no attention to my own contract, so why would I notice anything about hers.

"Is there anything you need me to do for tomorrow?" I asked her, unsure of how the divorce proceedings worked from the client's end.

"Well, you could find whomever it was that you paid to represent you in that horrible prenup you signed and beat the shit out of them for failing you so badly," she said as she slid into her car before calling out good night to me before closing the door to drive away. I watched her drive off and I got in my car to leave as well.

I laughed at her words, but she was right. I needed to have a talk with my legal counsel on this matter; unfortunately the person who was responsible for this oversight was my father. I could approach him, but there was no point since I should have caught it, not him, even if he was being paid to protect my interest here.

I stayed outside for a while in my car, lost in thought as I tried to figure out how everything went so horribly wrong here. It wasn't like my dad to show such utter disregard for the assets that we had been given.

I was still sitting there, trying to sort through my feelings when Dad's car pulled up alongside mine.

"Hey son, are you coming or going?" he asked me with a happy smile as he got out of his car to greet me. I could have let it drop, but I couldn't. I had to know why he did not catch that in the paperwork, he was my dad, he should have been thinking of me and my future.

"I'm leaving, I guess," I said as I watched the man who was my father smile brightly at me and then wave me off before turning to leave.

"Hey Dad!" I called out to him as he walked away. I needed to stop him and find out what the hell was going on. I watched as he stopped and turned to face me once more with a questioning look.

"What the hell happened with the prenup?" I blurted out in a huff as I watched his smile fade a bit from his face as he looked at me.

"Edward, I am assuming that you are talking about your trust, correct?" he asked me in a stiff voice that surprised me. I nodded and waited for his answer.

"I told you about it. I warned you that Jess did not have a trust fund and her family's financials were questionable at best," Dad said in a tired tone that made me feel how weary he had to be.

"I told you what Marvin added in to the contract. I told you that it was foolish and that we needed to mediate to have that removed, but you told me that you would sign whatever and you did. I just prayed that you would end it with her before three years," he said with more anger in his voice than what I had anticipated.

"You were told, son, and you said it did not matter, so we left it and I hoped that you knew what you were doing, but obviously you didn't," Dad said as he turned to leave me alone once more.

I stood there in the darkness, trying to remember these conversations with my dad concerning the prenup and yes, they were there. He had warned me about the trust. He warned me that the prenup, the marriage, everything was a mistake and that Marvin was in trouble financially. He warned me about it all, but I was too lost in my own head to care. I was too busy thinking of how I was going to keep Bella while marrying Jess. I was too busy scheming to have it all to see the destruction headed my way. I shook my head at my own stupidity once more, before getting into my car to leave.

I left my parents' house and came back home to really think about what I was going to do from here. I couldn't really stay at the firm now. I was done there and I knew it. There was no going back there if I ever wanted to change at all and I wanted to change. I wanted to be a better man even if I never got Bella back.

It was that night that I decided that I would start out on my own in the law field. I had an extensive client list and I was sure I could lure some of them away from the Cullen Law Firm just because most people were irritated by my grandfather.

I went to bed that night for the first time in my life with a plan in place that did not include my grandfather or his input. It felt nice and strangely freeing. I laid in bed, thinking about this huge step I was taking and I found myself wanting to call Bella to tell her, not that she would care at all about it, but because I wanted to share it with her. I shook off that feeling since I knew if I called her she would hang up on me until I finally drifted off to sleep.

The next morning passed quickly as I started the process of sorting out my life. I had discovered that I could have a down town office for a relatively modest price just because I owned the building. I had left it for my accounts manager to take care of the logistics concerning it so it was nice to know that I could start my practice without having rent hanging over my head, plus it was close to the old firm so it was possible to see Bella in passing.

I was lost in those plans when I noticed that it was time to leave to meet Bella. I could not have been happier to know that I was meeting her even if it was just to discuss my divorce. I would take what time I had with Bella, even if it was a business meeting.

I left the apartment and arrived at the restaurant with fifteen minutes to spare and yet when I was ushered into the private room Bella was already there with her cup of steaming tea and papers spread in front of her. Just the sight of her like that made me smile since it was so reminiscent of our law school days.

"Bella," I called as I entered the room and then smiled as she jumped at the sound of my voice.

"Oh, hey Edward," she called as she gave me a slight wave of her hand as she looked up from her papers.

I sat down and requested a cup of tea also while Bella watched me interact with the staff there.

"Do you remember my friend Demetri?" she asked me out of the blue as I looked at her confused. I did remember him quite well. He came to me after Bella left and told me that she just needed time. He also said that I needed to be a better man if I ever wanted another chance with her. At the time I could not see how I could be a better man for her, but looking back now I can see what he meant.

Bella continued on to tell me that after reviewing the prenup there was only two options open to us as a means to protect my trust fund. The first option I had was that if it could be proven that I was under duress when signing the contract, but that would be near impossible to prove. The only other option would be if I could prove that Jess had broken her marriage vows to me during our marriage.

She was midconversation when Demetri Biers walked in with a large, tall man behind him who addressed Bella as Kitty. I quickly remembered him as Felix, Demetri's brother.

"Edward, hey man, how's it going?" Demetri asked me suddenly as he took hold of my hand in a firm grasp of a welcoming shake. I had always liked Demetri and he had always loved Bella, so we got along fine.

"Edward," Felix said in a gruff voice that Bella rolled her eyes while he nodded his head at me.

I waited quietly as I watched Demetri tease Bella like he always did while Felix stared me down until they were finally ready to address me. It was at that time our waiter returned and we all ordered.

Once the waiter had left Bella finally turned to me with a slight smile.

"Ok, so I was thinking that since it would be near impossible to show that you signed the contract at gun point that we would have to go the other route and that is where De and Felix come in," she said as she gestured towards the men around us. I knew that she had used Demetri and Felix as her investigators before, but I wasn't too sure if they would be of any help.

"Do you think that Jess has ever cheated on you?" she asked in a calm voice that sounded too calm for the question she was asking me.

"No, I don't think she has. I mean, I would know about it right?" I asked her, unsure of what she was looking for by asking me this.

"Edward, we have to go over this. Your saving grace will be if she has," Bella said as Demetri snickered and then shook his head no at me with a teasing smile.

"Ok, man, what makes you think that she has never cheated on you?" he asked me with a smile as he looked at Bella in a knowing manner before looking back at me with a cocked eyebrow. He knew something and that meant so did Bella.

"What do you know?" I asked him as he smiled wider at me while Bella looked away in a guilty fashion.

"Man, she would cheat on you, that's all I am saying," Demetri said with a sad smile as Bella cleared her throat in attempts to distract me. It worked as she took over the conversation.

"I would like to have Demetri and Felix look into Jess's life. Maybe gather some information on her," Bella said as she poured herself some more tea and then motioned towards me to see if I needed some as well.

"Ok," I said as I looked at Bella, who nodded at me before pouring me some more tea.

We made plans. I gave them names of Jess's friends. We ate and made phone calls freezing credit accounts that Jess and I shared while establishing separate ones for me under just my name. We froze the bank account and the assets in it. It left me with very little money, but I had plenty in credit as well as my own parents to assist me until I had access again. We called a realtor to set the house on the market as well as agreed that letters would be drafted to have Jess's car sold, along with the house she had bought in Texas when she visited Dallas. I knew this would irritate Jess, but it was in accordance to the prenup.

I wanted it all sold and divided. I wanted no reminders of that time in my life or of the biggest mistake I had made. I told Bella this and she made note to push the selling of our possessions as quickly as possible.

We were lost planning when I heard someone call Bella's name. I watched as she looked up to find Riley standing in our private room with an angry look upon his face.

"This is your business lunch?" he asked her with a snide tone that caused Bella to bristle before me.

"Yes, and this is none of your business. I stay out of your cases and you stay out of mine," she hissed at him while Demetri snickered at them.

"You're taking his case?" he demanded while Bella rolled her eyes at him.

"Of course you are, what was I thinking?" he said in a mocking tone as he looked from her to me with a glare of hatred.

"Riley, you need to shut your mouth now," Bella said with anger as she looked at him with her eyes blazing, but it was obvious she was very much in control still.

"You just can't stay away from him can you? I ask you to do one thing for me and you can't do it," he said with venom in his tone that made Bella laugh for some reason as I watched the whole scene unfold like a bad dream.

"Oh, yes, I know you want me to stay away from him and I know how far you have gone to make sure that I do," she said in a dead calm voice that made Biers go wide eyed and pale while Bella smirked at him like she had won some sort of battle with him.

"Charlie is no good under cross," she said with a bright smile for him as he looked away from her.

"Bella…" he said slowly, pleading with her a bit for some unknown reason, but whatever the reason was it was perfectly clear to Bella.

"I know you and Charlie decided to send him on his way. I know this because Dad told me. He told me that he contacted you when Edward came to look for me and you both agreed to send him off without consulting me at all," she said with an evil grin on her face.

"Just one more time when a man decided what was best for me without asking me at all," she said calmly, but her red face showed her fury.

"Bella you asked us to keep him away," Riley stammered to her, clearly hating to have this private conversation with witnesses present.

"It was still my life and I still should have been told. It still should have been my choice as to what to do, not yours or my dad's," she said in a quiet tone as she held his eye contact.

"Now, I will remind you that you have no say in whom I choose to represent and you need to remember that," she said with finality that made me smile as she dismissed him so perfectly.

"Bella, we will talk about this later," Biers said in a harsh tone that made Bella smile.

"Sure we can, but I have no plans of changing my mind here," she said sweetly before excusing herself to walk him out, leaving me alone with Demetri and Felix.

"So what's going on?" I asked him quietly, hoping that he would tell me something about Bella and her conversation with Riley.

"He's just pissed that she's with you. He'll get over it," De said with a shrug as he looked away while Felix remained silent as usual.

Bella returned and sat down to finish eating. We finalized our plans and as we did Demetri and Felix left us to begin their research on Jess. We sat quietly together and as we did I could see the stress on her face as it formed dark shadows around her eyes.

"You know, if you want to back out of this I am fine with it," I said finally to her as she looked at me with shock.

"I said I would do this Edward, I am not backing out," she said with quiet conviction as she looked at me with her brown eyes blazing with intensity.

"Ok, I am just saying it's not worth fighting over," I said and then dropped it as she gave me an odd look, but remained silent.

We finished lunch and then shook hands before parting ways once more. Bella looked tired and that made my heart ache for her since I could not stand the idea of her hurting any more over me or because of me. We walked out together and I then walked her to the office doors before leaving her there with a simple wave.

I spent the rest of the afternoon and into the night at my new office. It was nice and freeing to make calls, announcing my departure from the firm. It also was somewhat shocking to have these clients choose to follow me on my adventure without another thought back to the firm that I had worked for. At the end of the night I was pleased with myself and ready to start over with my life.

The next morning greeted with the typical gray skies of Seattle, but I was happy so it did not matter. I remained in that jovial mood until Emmett reminded me of the dinner at Grandpa's house for the new partners when he called out of the blue.

"Are you going?" he asked me with a smile in his voice that made me cringe. I wanted to go. I wanted to go and see Bella be honored, but being around Grandpa did not sound like a night of fun.

"If you go, you can sit by us. You know we will be way back from the action," Emmett said with a laugh because it was the truth. Grandpa hated him and so he would make sure that Emmett was as uncomfortable as possible. I agreed to go finally after Emmett pleaded that it would be no fun without me and who would keep him from killing Riley Biers.

The day passed quickly and soon I found myself dressed in one of my nicer suites as I drove out to my grandfather's house. The skies were black and rain poured down, making it hard to see as I drove and yet it set the mood so perfectly. This was the last place I wanted to be, but I would go if it meant that I could see Bella once more.

I parked the car, avoiding the valet that Grandpa had hired so I could leave quickly if I wanted to and then walked into the house. I had hoped to avoid the old man tonight, but luck was not on my side since he was the first person I saw as I entered the main room.

"Edward!" he called to me in a happy tone as he walked up to me with a broad smile that I knew meant that he was quite pleased with himself.

I could feel that I was on the verge of losing my temper again, but I knew that the mistakes were mine, not his.

"Well, about time you stopped your damn temper tantrum and joined us again," he said as he clapped my shoulder happily. I nodded and then thankfully was rescued by Tanya Denali who called him back over to her side once more.

I grabbed a drink and tried to blend in the best I could to avoid talking to others from the firm when I did not want to. I had nothing to say to these people and they only wanted to talk to me for the gossip value of it.

I was hidden in the corner when I watched Bella enter the room. She was wearing a black cocktail dress that hugged her curves and was cut low enough to show off her collar bones and her creamy cleavage. She looked unearthly beautiful with her long chestnut colored hair down in loose curls around her lovely face that had just a hint of make up to bring out her bright eyes.

I watched as she was greeted by others with big smiles that in the past would have made her uncomfortable, but now she seemed to shine in their light. Bella looked around the room and then finally her dark eyes locked with mine. I watched her give me a half smile before returning to the conversation that was in front of her.

I lost track of her shortly after that as more and more people joined the crowd. It was not until I felt a small warm body slide into the corner beside me that I looked over to find Bella standing there with a smile on her face.

"Why are you hiding in the corner?" she asked me as she gave me a smirk that told me she knew why.

"Well, everyone is dying for gossip so I am just trying to avoid talking to people," I offered as I looked at her. If I had thought she was beautiful from across the room, she was breath taking up-close.

"Well, you are giving them gossip just by being here," she said with a laugh and then excused herself from me as she stepped away to join Riley who was glaring at us openly. I could not stop myself from giving him a small wave and smile that caused his face to go red with what could only be anger.

I quietly joined Emmett and Rosalie who were seated in the back for dinner. We watched as Bella was introduced as well as some of the others that had joined the staff form the California office. It seemed awkward and forced as I watched each person stand up as they were being introduced and then sit down as quickly as they could.

Emmett and I snickered as Grandpa explained to the employees of the firm that this was a family centered business and so now they all were family. What a fucking joke.

After dinner as dessert was being served I watched Bella walk by. She paused at our table and gave us each a hello before asking me where Alice was since she was missing and so was Jasper. I had no idea where they could be, but for Bella I would find out.

"Before you go, can we meet up for a moment?" she asked me as she stood there while Rose looked at her, shocked by her request.

"Uh, sure, I will be leaving soon though," I said as I looked into her brown eyes as she gave me a half smile once more.

"Yeah, this is quite boring. I will meet you in the hall in about ten minutes ok?" she asked and then turned to leave after I nodded in agreement to her plan.

"What was that all about?" Rose asked me in a harsh tone, but Emmett stepped in and explained that Bella was representing me in my divorced. She gave no reaction to that, but instead just rolled her eyes at me.

I waited ten minutes and then excused myself to meet Bella in the hallway between the dining room and main room. I was leaning up against the wall when Bella emerged from the dining room with a tired sigh as she looked for me.

I stepped out and smiled at her before motioning her towards the room off of the hall for some privacy. Bella followed quickly behind me as we approached the small room. I stopped in mid stride into the room as I discovered that another couple was in there in the middle of what sounded like an awkward conversation. I turned to grab Bella to move her to another room when she stopped dead in her tracks. She shoved me aside and stepped into the room to listen. I followed her since I had no idea as to why she would want to hear whatever it was that the people were discussing.

When I followed her in the room it was then that I discovered that the male voice was Riley Biers', but the woman I had never seen before in my life. She was petite and blonde with an embarrassed smile as she fidgeted in front of him. It was not her I was interested in, it was Bella. She stood there transfixed by their conversation.

"Listen, I am sorry. If I had known that you were with Bella, I never would have…" the woman said as her cute face blushed red. We both watched as Riley shook his head and looked at her with a soft smile.

"I am sorry that I led you on and I never ever meant to hurt you," he said in a sad manner as I felt Bella stiffen beside me at his words.

"I didn't mind," the woman said with a slight laugh as she looked at him in a flirtatious manner that made Bella gasp.

"Being with you was the best night of my life. I had always wanted you and I have no regrets about our time together," she said in a seductive manner as Riley smiled a smile that looked pained.

"You fucked her!" Bella exclaimed loudly, announcing our presence in the room, causing Riley to turn while the woman jumped in surprise.

"Bella," Riley said in a shocked tone as he looked over to find Bella standing beside me with her face red with fury.

"Don't you take one step closer," she hissed at him as he moved the woman out of the way to walk towards Bella slowly.

"When?" she asked him as he shook his head no.

"When?" she asked again with more force in her voice as the woman stuttered that they had been together when he came back to California. I watched as Bella closed her eyes as if she had been physically injured at her words.

"I didn't know Bella. I didn't know you two were together," the woman stuttered as she faced Bella who was now glaring at her.

"Just leave, Erin. I have nothing more to say to you," Bella said in an angry tone that caused the woman to almost sprint from the room to leave Riley alone to face Bella at her worst.

"Did you forget to tell me?" she asked harshly as Riley stepped closer again.

"Bella, I wanted to tell you, but I couldn't think of a way how to tell you. I was weak and I thought that you were back with him," Riley stammered with fear in voice as he motioned towards me.

"I was not back with Edward and if you had returned my phone calls you would have known that," she hissed at him in anger as I stood there glued to my spot on the floor, watching the drama unfold before me.

"There you both are! Ed is looking for you!" Mike Newton called as he walked into the room and immediately noticed the tension.

"What's going on?" he asked as he looked from Bella to Riley, waiting for an answer. Tyler Crowley walked in behind and took in the scene as well.

"Erin told me that you both were in here," Tyler said in a tired tone.

"Tyler did you know that he fucked her?" Bella asked as her eyes never left Riley's face. I could see him silently pleading with her, but she was not backing down.

"I told him to tell you right away," Tyler said in a calm manner that made Bella's head spin towards him in shock.

"You knew?" she accused as Tyler nodded his head yes. I watched as Bella stepped back directly into me.

"I have to get out of here," she mumbled and then ran out of the room leaving us standing there staring at each other in surprise.

I followed her out as she ran out the front door into the rain. I watched as she huddled herself under the awning to avoid the rain while she pulled out her cell phone to make a call. Slowly, I approached her and asked if I could help.

"No, I'm calling a cab," she replied stiffly as she looked away from me, almost willing me to leave her alone.

"It will take an hour for the cab to come out this far. Why don't you just let me drop you off somewhere?" I asked her as she looked back up at the door to the house to see Riley standing there calling to her.

"Ok," she said softly as she watched Riley start to walk towards us in the rain. I took hold of her arm and directed her towards my car as the cold rain pelted us in an unforgiving manner.

I opened her car door and watched her slip inside as water dripped off her face in waves like tears. I ran back over to my door and quickly got in as well. Bella remained silent as I drove away leaving Riley standing in the down pour watching her leave with me for a change.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading & reviewing I love you all for doing so!**

**A special thanks goes out to IcarusToSun for her mad beta skills and for just being a good friend! Hugs to you & hope you are feeling better soon!**

**Until next time…**

**Take care,**

**Mamasutra**

**xxxoo**


	25. Chapter 25

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

BPOV pt1

I sat stiffly in Edward's car as he started the engine to leave. I could see Riley behind us, standing in the down pour of ran, trying to get my attention, begging me not to leave, but I needed out. I could not stay and deal with him. I could not stay and look at Erin as I tried to deal with Riley.

Riley had fucked her while he was in California. He had fucked her while talking to me at night. My mind was racing as I thought about his time away. I knew that he was around her every day; does that mean he was fucking from the beginning? I knew that the last night he was there he was to have dinner with her; does that mean that he fucked her and then came home to me? Did he fuck her and then came home to make love to me? My stomach turned at the thought of being with him, having him touch me, kiss me, be inside me after being with that woman.

Edward had pulled over and as he did I flung open my door just in time as I started to puke at the idea of Riley touching me after fucking her. I felt Edward's cold hand upon my back as I emptied that night's dinner on the side of the road as rain pounded down on me while Edward struggled to keep me in the car.

I could feel his cold hand upon my back as I finished vomiting and then closed the door with a shaky hand. I refused to look at him since I hated that he was seeing me so broken. I hated it and I was not about to show Edward that side of me. He did not see it when I left him so I was not about to show him that broken side now.

I could feel him moving beside me as he reached behind me for something. I glanced over at him and I found him focused on whatever task he was trying to complete. I watched as he finally produced a fleece blanket that I recognized as his University of Washington blanket that he had always kept in his car. I was instantly flooded with memories of different times that we had snuggled under that same blanket after making out in his car or the times that we made love in his car because we could not wait to be together any longer.

"Here, this will warm you up," he said in almost a whisper over the loud pounding of the rain as it hit his car. I felt him wrap me up in the fleece blanket that smelled like him as I sat in the seat in stony silence as he tucked me in. I then listened as Edward turned the heat on in the car full blast in an attempt to generate more warmth. I looked at his face as he tucked me in. He had such a pained expression on his handsome face, but it was his eyes that drew me in. They looked haunted as if he had seen a ghost and that made the pained expression he was wearing look even more severe.

I looked away from him and out the window at the rain. It was coming down in sheets now, making it impossible for Edward to drive safely even though I wanted as far away from this place and from him as I could. I shook my head in resignation as I realized I was stuck once more.

"I will drive once the rain slows down. I just can't see right now," I heard him say as if he had read my thoughts. I looked over Edward and realized how drenched he was. He had shrugged out of his suit coat and was now wearing his dress shirt with the tie still on as it clung to him, soaked to his skin.

We sat there as the pounding rain filled the awkward silence around us. I appreciated his silence since my brain was over loaded with all that had occurred tonight.

"Where do you want to go?" he asked me as he looked over at me with an worried look in his eyes as I glanced at him and then looked away for I could not stand to see the pity that I knew had to be in his eyes.

I had nowhere to go and he had just inadvertently pointed that out. I could not go back to the apartment since I knew Riley would be on his way to meet me there. I could not go to Rosalie's since if I was not at the apartment that would be the first place he would look for me. I could not go to Felix's house since I could not deal with Demetri and how he would go off over how he knew this would happen. I could not go to Mike and Tyler's place since I could not face them any more than I could Riley at this moment in time. I could not go to my parents' house, not after my argument with Dad. In my mind going back to Forks would be like admitting defeat and I had done that once, I swore after that I would never do it again.

"I don't know. I don't have…" I started to say as I looked away since it hurt my pride to admit that I was lost to Edward.

"That's ok. Let's call Alice. I know she will help," he said in a soft tone that sounded strained, but I did not look at him to see his face to confirm that.

I turned to watch him pull out his water logged phone as he called Alice. I could hear the ringing and then finally her voice mail picking up. I listened as Edward told her he needed her to call him as soon as she got the message. He stressed it was urgent and that he needed her help. I wanted to laugh at his message since he sounded so desperate as he spoke to her voice mail. I wondered if he felt as trapped as I did with him in his car.

The rain continued to pound and as it did we waited for Alice's call, but it did not come, instead we were left in the awkward silence that filled the car. Slowly the rain died down and as it did I looked over at Edward. He was looking out the windshield as if he was in deep thought as he chewed on his bottom lip like he always did when he was lost in thought. In our past I used to tease him that he picked up the trait from me and that would make him laugh while I beamed inside, knowing that I affected him as much as he affected me, but now it just added to my sadness.

I listened as Edward let out a loud sigh before finally starting the car and angling back on to the main road. I watched in silence as he started to drive through the slowing down pour back toward the city.

"Where are you taking me?" I asked in a whisper of a voice over the heater and rain. I watched as his hands gripped the steering wheel so tight that his hands were white. I looked at his face and could see the firm frown across his full lips and then finally his eyes. They looked defeated as he continued to drive away from the spot in the road that we had stopped at.

"I'm taking you to my place to wait for Alice," he said in a quiet tone, but I could sense the worry in his voice. I knew that sound since I had heard it time and again over the years that we were together.

We drove in silence, but every once in a while I would feel his eyes on me, watching, waiting for me to break, I am sure. I did not pay attention as he wove his way through traffic back into town. I continued to watch the traffic pass until we pulled into an underground garage to park. It was then that I discovered that I had been here before. This was my old garage where I used to park. I looked around and wondered how close he lived to my old place.

Edward finally parked the car in a parking spot and as he did I was taken back over how many times we had parked in this garage together in this dark lot, how many times he had promised me to return to only to leave once more. I was still sitting there lost in the past when my car door opened, surprising me as Edward stood there with a grim look on his face, holding open the door for me.

I stepped out with the skittishness of a new colt as I slowly stood up. He waited for me to get my bearing, but did not touch me and for that I was thankful. I could not stand for him to touch me now.

We slowly walked together under the shelter of the garage until we had to take the elevator down to the street. We were were silent and as we walked the tension between us seemed to grow. I followed his lead in the rain until we turned to climb up the front steps of an apartment building that I knew all too well since I had lived here three years ago. I looked over at Edward, who seemed to be refusing to look at me as we climbed the steps of the building.

I looked around as I took in how it had changed in the last three years. There seemed to be more greenery surrounding the building, but outside of that it looked the same. I walked through the door of the building as Edward held it open for me. The question of what the hell was going on kept ringing through my mind as I followed him into the brightly lit hallway. I kept looking around wondering how close he lived to my old place and if he even remembered that I used to live here.

We approached what was my old apartment door and Edward suddenly came to a quick halt causing me to bump into his back as he pulled out his keys to unlock the door while I stood there, mouth gaping like a fish out of water. The fucker lived in my old place. I wasn't sure if I wanted to hit him or cry for his stupidity for choosing my old apartment to live in.

Once the door was unlocked and opened, Edward flicked on a light inside and then stepped back allowing me to enter the apartment first. I stepped over him and as I did I brushed against him, but his eyes still would not meet mine.

I walked into the apartment and was instantly shocked as I looked around at the furnishings. They were mine, all mine. I took a quick inventory; the black couch, the overstuffed chair, the coffee table that I spent time studying on almost every night that I lived here, all mine. They were arranged like how I had them when I lived here. The only thing missing were my curtains and my wall hangings. I was still standing almost in the door way when Edward followed me inside. He literally had to move me to walk in and lock the door behind us.

I was forced further into the room by Edward moving to shut the door. Once I was inside I could see what had been my kitchen table and beat up chairs. My head was spinning. How in the hell did he get all my things? Why in the hell did he have all my old things?

I looked over at Edward with a shocked look since I was stunned into silence as far as what to say. I just stood there, staring at him, waiting for an answer to questions that I could not vocalize for him.

"Want something to drink?" he asked me in a nervous tone as he glanced over at me, trying to act like nothing was wrong. I could not respond to him.

"I'm grabbing a beer. I'll get you one too," he said stiffly, as I stood there motionless and speechless as he left me to enter the tiny kitchen that I knew by heart that was located behind the wall to my left. I could hear him open a refrigerator door as I took another step into the room and what was my past.

It was so weird to stand there with my furniture staring back at me like some bad ghost of lifetimes past. I could see the slight stain on the couch from where I had spilled Rosalie's vodka soaked jungle juice that made me so drunk that I wished to die while the others laughed at me. I could see the slight tear in the fabric at the top of the overstuffed chair from when I stabbed it with my pen while grinding hard on Edward's lap when we were making out randomly during one of our study sessions together.

"Here you go," Edward said, scaring me as if he had appeared out of thin air with my beer in hand. I took the cold bottle and continued to stand there, staring at the chair and all the memories tied to it while my hand went cold from the bottle.

"Why don't you sit down?" he asked me as he walked over to the couch and sat down like he owned it, which I guess he did now. I stared at him in front of me. I continued to stand there until Edward finally looked over at me with an uncomfortable look.

"Please sit. You're making me nervous," he said in a serious voice as he looked at me with pleading eyes. I opened my mouth to speak when Edward's phone went off, causing us both to jump from the sound.

"It's Emmett," he muttered as he answered the phone while sitting there with a disgruntled look on his face.

I only half listened to their conversation as I continued to look around while Edward watched me closely. I found myself with the burning need to see the rest of my apartment. It was like I was being presented with the past and I needed to relive it even if it was for just a fleeting moment.

I walked from the front room to the kitchen while I felt Edward's eyes watching me. The kitchen looked the same and then I turned towards the small hallway. I paused in the bathroom, noticing that only the towels and shower curtain were different and then finally into the small bedroom that had been mine. I flicked on the light to discover what had been my bed room furniture. I would know them anywhere since I had bought then at a garage sale and then had painted the head board a shiny black before painting the nightstands and dresser to match. He had all my things and none of it made any fucking sense. I turned off the light and returned to the front room where Edward was still on the phone with Emmett.

"Yeah, I'll let her know. No, she hasn't. If Alice calls you or comes over to please send her over this way," Edward said as his deep green eyes held mine as I stood there.

"Emmett said that Riley is over at their place waiting for you," he said slowly as he watched me stand there, unsure of what to do next. I wasn't surprised that Riley was there waiting. He knew I had nowhere to go.

"OK," I replied to him in an uncertain voice as I slowly brought the beer up to my lips to take a drink as I stood there.

"I'm not sure where Alice is and I am not sure how long it will take her to get here, so do you want to change?" he asked me in a stuttering manner as he tried to hold eye contact, but failed as he looked away from me. I looked down at my drenched cocktail dress and decided that yes, dry clothes would be nice. I nodded and then sat my beer down on the beat up coffee table as I watched him stand up.

I followed him into the bedroom and watched as he pulled out a couple of t-shirts and then two pairs of flannel pants before turning to me to hand one of the shirts and pants to me.

"I am going to change in the bathroom if you need me," Edward said with a tired voice as he turned to leave, but before leaving he paused long enough to start to unzip my dress, causing me to jump away from him. He backed away with his hands up muttering how he was just trying to help out since he knew I would not be able to reach it. I remained silent and just slammed the door in his face as he backed out of the room.

Once I locked the door I finished unzipping my wet dress and then let it fall to the ground in a loud wet slap against the hard wood floor. I untangled my stockings and slipped out of my wet bra so that way I was left in only my equally wet panties as I stood there. I could not believe that I was back here. It was like stepping back in time three years, except three years ago Edward would have been in here helping me undress with a wicked smile on his handsome face.

I slipped on his dry t-shirt and then his warm flannel pants, having to double knot the tie as it slipped around on my hips. I barely checked the mirror, noticing how tangled my hair looked as I tried to run a free hand though it before finally giving up as I turned towards the door.

"Hey, I ordered some Chinese. I thought you might be hungry," he yelled to me as I stepped out in to the hall. It felt too familiar, too much like old times and I wasn't sure how I felt about that.

"OK," I managed to mutter as I stepped out into the front room to find Edward sitting on the couch nursing his beer, while avoiding my gaze completely. I looked around the room once more and shook my head. I needed answers, but I wasn't sure that I wanted to know the truth about what caused this fuckery here.

"Edward," I managed to say and at the sound of my voice calling his name he turned his head to look at me. Our eyes locked and for a moment I could see the eighteen year old boy that I had fallen in love with before the hardened shell of the twenty eight year old man that had stomped on my heart reemerged.

"Bella, I'm sorry…" he started to say as he looked at me with such sad eyes that were starting to irritate me.

I opened my mouth to speak, but I was cut off by a knock on the door. The food was here and Edward seemed relieved to be pulled out of our conversation by the delivery boy. I watched as he opened the door, paid for our food and then grabbed the bags to shut it behind him.

"I ordered what I remembered you liking so I hope that is ok?" he asked me as he motioned towards the bags of food. He must have ordered everything I had ever ordered from Mr. Wang's since there was more food than what I had ever ordered before.

I followed him out to what used to be my kitchen and watched him dish up food. I had not thought I was hungry, but once I smelled the beef and broccoli I found myself famished. I took the plate happily from Edward and then followed him back into what was my front room to sit upon my old chair to eat.

We ate in relative silence outside of the occasional comments about how good the food was until Edward finished his plate of food and looked at me with his bright green eyes blazing into mine.

"Do you want to talk about Riley?" he asked me in an uncertain voice that he tried to mask with a face that was calm as he took a drink off his bottle of beer as he sat his plate down on the coffee table.

There was no way in hell I was discussing my failed attempt at happiness with Edward. He was the last person on the planet I would ever bare my soul to like that. What I needed from him was not a shoulder to cry, but instead I needed the truth as what the hell was going on here.

"No, thanks, but you can tell me what the hell is going on here?" I asked him as I motioned to the epic cluster fuck that seemed to surround us in the form of all of my old furniture. Edward looked around us and I watched as his cheeks went a slight shade of red as I felt instantly better knowing that I could still cause him to blush.

"Bella…" he started to say, but I cut him off quickly.

"What is it Edward? Since I do not understand how in the hell you ended up with my old things, in my old place so why don't you start to explain yourself," I said in a calm voice, but inside I was anything but calm. I felt sick again from over eating and from the truth that seemed to hang over me like a dark cloud.

He sat there on my old couch that was now his, staring at me with his green eyes blazing bright as if the truth was burning him from the inside out. I watched as he ran a hand through his messy hair so it was standing up on end as he breathed out a gust of air.

"Bella, it's a long story," he stammered a bit as he looked away from me with an embarrassed look.

"Well, it's a good thing I have time then," I replied quickly as I watched him turn towards me with a nervous half smile.

"Ok, where do I start," Edward said in a distracted manner, as if he was talking to himself instead of me.

"I knew about the rent here," he said to me with a deep sigh as he looked over at me with a serious look.

"I mean, I knew that you would be forced to pay the last month's rent here unless you could find another renter," he explained to me as I thought about the time I left here. I was in hurry to leave this place and yes, I did know that without another renter I would have been forced into paying the last month's rent. It was something I could not afford, but I was going to do just about anything to get away from here. I never really thought about the fact that I was never approached to pay any additional rent for this place.

"I called Burt, the manager here, and asked to rent this place as soon as possible to keep you from paying that rent," he offered as he held my eye contact causing me to shudder from the serious look in his eyes.

"Why?" I asked him in a quiet voice as he looked away for just one moment.

"Because I couldn't…" he started to say, but stopped suddenly as he looked at me. I watched him take a deep breath and then let it out.

"Bella, I couldn't _not_ help you," he managed to say slowly as he held my gaze to the point where it made me burn from the sight of him.

"I could not just sit back and let you go without me helping you somehow," he stuttered as his nervous hand raked through his messy, damp hair.

"I knew, Bella. I knew deep down that when I married Jess that you would be gone, even though I hoped like hell," he started to say with a rushed voice as if the words hurt for him to say.

"Fuck!" he exclaimed as he stood and began to pace in front of me like a crazed man.

"Bella, I don't know how to explain this, so I am just going to try, ok?" he said as he stopped and slowly kneeled in front of me while holding my gaze. I nodded for him to continue.

"I rented this place so you wouldn't have to pay an extra month's worth of rent. I bought your things from Emmett when you told him to sell everything since that was the only way I was allowed to help you. I did it then and would do it again if I thought it would help you somehow," he said in a rush as he kneeled in front of me.

"Emmett sold you my thing?" I asked him stunned as I stared at him in shock while I felt betrayal run like ice water through me.

"Don't be mad at him. I ask him to let me help you and he thought this was a way. I mean, you wouldn't…" he said then trailed off as I stared into his eyes, willing him to finish his sentence even if I did know what he was going to say next. I knew he was going to mention the money he tried to give me.

"I wouldn't accept your pay off?" I said mockingly, darling him to discuss the ten thousand dollars that he tried to pay me off with.

"Pay off?" he asked me, confused for a moment and then I watched the realization of what I was saying settle in his eyes.

"Yes, you paid me off like a two dollar whore, remember now?" I asked him in a hiss as I glared at him while he kneeled in front of me with a pained look across his face.

"That money, the ten thousand, was not a pay off and I cannot believe that you would think that!" he exclaimed as he glared at me.

"How could you think that I would do that? Did you not know me at all?" he asked me in a rushed tone as he stared at me in disbelief.

"I did and that is why I am sure that the money was just your way of paying for services rendered," I said in a huff to him as he stared at me and then broke out laughing.

"Well, aren't you full of yourself if you think I would pay you ten thousand dollars for sex," he said with a laugh that made my blood boil. I stood up to leave, to go anywhere, instead of being stuck here in this time warp with Edward. When I stood up Edward scrambled back and then finally grabbed hold of my legs so that he was holding them as a means to hold me in place.

"Don't leave, Bella. Damn it, I mess everything up," he said as he looked up at me. It was odd to be standing there with Edward on his knees, clinging to me, begging for me to stay. I wanted to laugh as I thought of all the times I had done almost the same thing with him in this very same place. The déjà vu of the situation was stifling.

"Bella, what I should have said was there was no way that I would pay you like that and nor did I ever think of that money like that," he stammered as he held my legs tight to his chest.

"I thought of the money as a way to help you, to make things better for you, to protect you, to be there when I could not," he stuttered as I looked away from his pleading eyes.

"I knew at my graduation party when the wedding was mentioned and how you cried, I knew that, that, you were gone. I knew it, but damn Bella, I had no idea how gone you would be," he said as he looked at me. I knew this information already. I knew that he was not expecting me to disappear the way I did.

"The money I gave you was to help with the apartment you had rented. It was to help cover the cost because I knew you could not afford it on your own. It was not meant to be an insult or like I was paying you off. It was meant to help you and keep you safe, not a pay off, Bella. Never a pay off," he said softly as he willed me to understand him.

"I tried to break up with her, just like I told you I would. I had my plan in place and I was ready to go, but then I was reminded that by breaking up with her I would hurt you and disappoint Grandpa so I didn't do it. You know what the funniest thing was about that? It was that I still ended up hurting you and disappointing him," Edward said with a shake of his head as he continued to hold my legs.

"I never knew that you viewed the money that way," he said and it was his words that sent me into a tail spin of anger since I did not believe him. I could not believe him since he had made it clear that everything about us was sex.

"Edward, do you even remember that night? Because I do, it has been burned into my mind. I have had nightmares about it," I said to him as I tried not to yell at him in anger. I watched as his face fell over my words.

"Yes, I remember that night. I told you I wanted you," he whispered to me in a soft voice as he looked away from me.

"Yes, you told me nothing had to change even though you were marrying her. I guess you must have thought I would be ok with being your mistress. You said that us, that _we_ were nothing more than sex and that your _wonderful _wife just didn't do it for you. So, I would like you to explain to me how in the hell I was not to assume that the money was a whore's pay out?" I asked him in a deadly tone that made him grimace at my words.

"Bella, I never meant to make it sound that way. That night I wasn't expecting Grandpa to throw the wedding reminder," Edward stammered softly to me as he still clung to my legs, holding me in place.

"Don't tell me you didn't want to marry her. I know you loved her, you said it all the time," I hissed at him as he laughed humorlessly once more.

"No, Bella. I did not want to marry her. That was all agreed upon without me and hell, you've seen my prenup so obviously that shows you that my mind wasn't in it, ever. As far as me loving her, I kept saying it because I knew I could convince myself of it, if I said it enough. Jess was a good fit for the firm, but hell, so was I at the time and look how all of that turned out," Edward said as he let go of my legs and slowly stood up in front of me so he was now much taller than I was.

His words shocked me. He never loved her and yet he married her. If I was being honest I knew he never loved her. If you loved someone you would want to be with them and he was never with her. They only were together when they were practically forced to be. If he loved her he never would have been with me and I knew that to be the truth. He would not have gone through the hassle and work to be with me.

"I never intended to make you feel like the money was a whores pay out since I sure as hell never saw it that way. I saw it as a way to take care of you, to have you close even if I didn't deserve you and you deserved so much more that I had to offer you. I was greedy and selfish, but it was all because I only wanted you, no one else, so please don't ever doubt that," Edward said in a calm voice as he stood before me, looking at me as if he had seen me for first time.

"The money was not meant to be an insult, but I can see why you would think that now. I only hope that you understand now what my intention actually was," he said softly as his green eyes held my gaze, burning me with his sincerity as he spoke.

"I will say that donating all the money to the Saint Nicholas Foundation was pretty creative even though, I wished that you had kept it and used it yourself, for whatever you needed," Edward said softly as if he was unsure over what my reaction would be to his words.

"I had no idea why you had chosen that organization, but knowing what you thought of the money now I can see the humor in it," he said still in that same soft tone, but I could hear the stiffness in his words as he spoke to me.

We stood there close to each other and it suddenly felt awkward. I looked up at his face and could see him still watching me. I wasn't sure what to say and just as I opened my mouth to speak Edward stopped me.

"It's getting late and I am sure you want to rest so if it's ok I will take the couch and you can have the bed," he said in a more of a formal tone that surprised me as he placed distance between us without ever moving from in front of me.

"No, it's your bed," I found myself stammering as I stepped back from him and almost fell into the chair.

"Well, actually it was your bed, but I guess it's mine now and I insist that you have it," Edward said simply before turning to leave me there. I watched him leave and duck into the small bedroom that once had been mine. He reemerged with what looked like pillows and blankets in his arms.

I stood there watching him set the items down on the couch before he turned back to me with a grim smile that made me cringe a little for some reason.

"Good night Bella," he said simply and effectively dismissing me back to the bedroom before he turned back to the couch. I turned to leave and as I did I looked back at him. Edward had lain down on the couch and stretched his long legs out with a tired yawn.

I wasn't sure what to make of our conversation. I could see how Edward had thought that the money would be something to help me since that was just Edward. He was used to handling everything with money. That was how his family operated as well. They showed love and affection by the large, expensive gifts they gave each other. I had been witness to that through some of the holidays I had spent with them in the past.

I walked back to the bedroom in silence and left the door open as I pulled back the covers to crawl in to what was my bed. I lay down and pulled the blanket up to my chin as I snuggled with the soft sheet and blanket. The mattress was soft and the blankets smelled like Edward just like the pillows. I wanted to laugh at this since they had always smelled like Edward when I lived here too.

I laid there in the dark staring at the ceiling and the soft glow of the painted on stars that I had painted there years ago. It was comforting and horrible all at once since this room, the scent of Edward and everything else was taking me right back to when life was different, when I was different.

Try as might I could not get my brain to shut down. Images kept running through my head. Images that I did not want to see, like Riley with Erin as I found them at the dinner party. They were standing there innocently, but knowing what they were talking about made it seem so dirty and wrong.

I turned over on my side as if I could turn my back on those images. I thought back to my argument with Riley before we ever even arrived at the failed dinner party in our honor. I wanted to laugh at myself since I knew tonight would be horrible , I just didn't know how bad it would be.

I had been arguing with Riley ever since I had found out that Edward had searched for me after his marriage. I had no idea that he looked for me, or had hired a private investigator. I knew he would look, but I had no idea how far he would take it.

After I spoke Edward in his car before he left the firm that day I was in shock knowing that he had spoken to my dad and yet Dad told me nothing about it. I was upset that he thought he could keep this hidden from me, especially knowing how much I hurt over Edward.

I had confronted my dad when I returned back inside the office building that morning. He was still in my office waiting and was shocked to find me angry as I walked back in.

_"Well, what do you have to say for yourself?" I asked him as I walked into my office while he sat there startled by my anger._

_ "What the hell is wrong with you?" he asked me as I sat donw at my desk across from him. We both looked out into the hall and could see Mom standing there talking my assistant._

_ "You never told me that Edward came looking for me," I replied with a hiss. I watched my dad flounder for a moment before the cop side of him kicked in._

_ "Well, you never asked," he replied coolly as if nothing was wrong._

_ We stared at each other for a moment and in the stretch of time I tried to silently will him ti understand why I was hurt. _

_ "Bella, you came to me in tears telling me that you had to be away from him. You told me to keep him away, I was just doing what you told me to," he said in a quiet voice that surprised me since Dad's typical reposnse to everything was to yell._

_ "But Dad, he was coming back to me," I stammered like a fool as I thought about all those nights at first without him and how I thought I would stop breathing from the weight of missing him so much. I could feel tears staring to sting my eyes as looked at my dad._

_ Dad watched me for a moment before he looked away with a huff._

_ "Damn it, Bells," he grumbled as he turned back to me with an angry look._

_ "Bells, that boy was messed up. He looked like hell and like he was hurting, but I have to tell you, he deserved it after how he treated you, so I didn't feel too bad," Dad said in a growl._

_ "He sat there with his cocky attitude and asked me what I was going to do if he didn't stop going after you like the asshole he was," Dad grumbled again as I fought back tears. I could image Edward refusing to stop coming to me. _

_ "Why didn't you tell me any of this?" I asked him as I wiped at the tears that had escaped on to my cheeks._

_ "By then you two were over and done with and I saw no need," he said simply with a deep sigh as if he was tired just thinking about it._

_ "I almost told you, but by then you were settled in California and doing so much better. You would smile and laugh again. There was a little bit of spark in your eyes again, so I just couldn't bring up the past," Dad said in a sad tone as he looked out the windows off my office. _

_ "I hated that kid for how he hurt you and I don't regret not telling you," Dad said firmly as he turned to look me in the eye as I cried over a past I had no control over._

_ "You should have told me when you found out he was looking for me," I croaked in a voice, thick with tears. It had been an emotional day and this conversation was just adding to it._

_ "I was going to tell you, but after talking with Riley we both agreed that nothing good could come of you knowing, so we decided not to tell you," Dad said firmly as I wiped at my face since my mom was returning. I looked at my dad and shook my head as my heart burned over the fact that Riley knew and said nothing to me about it._

I shook my head trying to clear the images of that conversation with my dad, but instead I was just forced to remember my argument with Riley. I had been so angry that he had made a decision about me without even calling or contacting me. He and my dad decided for me and that burned me to no end since all I could think of was how I had been denied my opportunity to alter my life.

I am not saying that I would have taken Edward back with open arms, but I am saying that it was my decision to make not theirs. It was my decision and I felt cheated that he made it without me. Riley of all people knew how I hurt for Edward. He knew that I could not sleep at night. He knew how I ached for him and yet when Edward came back Riley hid it from me.

My heart pounded in my chest as I thought about my conversation with Riley over his knowledge of Edward coming back for me.

_"Why didn't you tell me?" I demanded from him as we stood facing each other in our apartment that suddenly seemed too small for me. _

_ "What did it matter?" he said back as he looked at me with his blue green eyes matching his icy tone._

_ "What did it matter?" I yelled at him as I turned towards the counter to grab my glass to take a drink._

_ "It mattered. What if everything would have changed from there? What if…" I started to say as I was going to list all the things that could have changed if I had known about Edward's return._

_ "It wasn't going to change, Bella. He would have wanted you and his wife," Riley said as he rolled his eyes at me, which only made my blood boil more._

_ "Oh, really? Did you know he was going to leave Jess? Did you know he was going to go wherever I was and beg me to come back? Did you know this?" I asked him as I felt my anger crash over me, burning me up from the inside out as I yelled at him. _

_ Riley remained silent as I screamed in frustration over a past I could not change and a future I was denied. He watched me as I slowly came down from my emotional tirade with a fearful eye. Riley knew better than to say anything since one word would just set me off even more. _

_ Once I was calm enough to catch my breath I turned away from him and stared out the window to the Seattle skyline that greeted me there. I could hear him step closer to me and then I felt his arms around me as he whispered his apologies for not telling me. He whispered how he worried that telling me would do more harm than good since I was just starting to come back emotionally to him. _

_ I understood what he was saying and maybe in some ways he was right. Maybe it would have been a bad thing to have been told about Edward? Maybe it would have all ended badly; the problem is that I would never know now. I slowly pulled myself out of his arms and stepped away since I was too mad to feel his touch now._

_ "I would have told you if Bree had came back," I whispered to him and then stepped out of the room as he watched me go with a hurt look on his handsome face. He knew I would have too._

I closed my eyes and slowly willed myself to sleep to block out the scenes from the last few days that all swirled around Riley and then Edward. I could hear Edward's soft snoring from down the hall and it sounded so familiar that it actually brought tears to my eyes as I laid in what was now his bed until I finally succumbed to the lulling darkness.

The night passed with odd dreams filling my sleep. I had dreamed of Riley and Erin. It was a horrible dream. I was at the office back in California but everything was dark and distorted except for Riley's office where he and Erin were having sex, not even bothering to stop as I walked in screaming at them. I barely remember screaming before the next took hold.

In the next dream I was with Edward and it was three years ago. We were laughing and talking like we used to. It was sweet and filled with soft words whispered in my ear by Edward. When I awoke that next morning I could still almost taste his skin against my lips and that disturbed me and yet made me smile. It was so much easier to think of simple days when all I had to worry about were college classes and the boy who ruled my heart. Now things were so much harder and filled with such drama as I opened my eyes to the new day knowing that I would have to face Riley today at some point.

I lay in my old bed, listening to Edward mill around in the kitchen, most likely making coffee and if I closed my eyes I would be back in time to when I was his and he claimed to mine. It was gut wrenching and horrible as I laid there knowing that the idea of belonging to each other was furthest thing from the truth in my life at this moment in time. That currently, the man I thought I loved had fucked the office slut on a trip back to California while I was trapped in this hell hole, dodging bad memories of a time gone by.

I could lie there all day and avoid the world. I was sure that Edward would not deny me that comfort after our talk last night. I was sure that if I asked he would allow me to hide here in his bed, avoiding Riley and Tyler like I wanted to, but my life wasn't like that. I never once taken the easy route and I would not start now so it was with a deep sigh that I finally sat up and slowly got out of bed to face the day.

I walked down the hall and as I did I could hear Edward talking. It had to be Alice he was on the phone with since he mentioned how lucky she was that she never married Jasper since she would be looking at divorce as well. She must have said something about his botched prenup since he laughed and told her that she was really funny.

I walked past the couch and found Edward's blanket folded neatly with his pillow on top. I entered the kitchen and was greeted by the scent of coffee and bacon as I found Edward with a spatula in hand as he set down his cell phone with a smile on his face. That smile disappeared as he looked up to see me standing there. Instantly the room became heavy from the tension that seemed to descend every time we were together.

"Good morning," I mumbled to him as he looked at me with an uncertain look on his face. I understood why he was uncertain with me since it was hard to tell what emotion was going to be dominating when I was with him.

"Sorry if I woke you," he said trying to sound normal, but I could hear the unease in his voice.

"No, I was awake," I said as I looked at the food on the small breakfast bar. Edward had been busy. He had cooked eggs and bacon to go with the toast that I could smell toasting as I stood there. This was not the Edward I had known, The Edward I had known could not cook to save himself.

"Wow, this looks great," I commented as I motioned towards the food causing Edward to smile at me in a genuine manner.

"I thought before I sent you back to deal with Riley we could have some breakfast," he said with the same smile as mine fell. Yes, I would have to deal with Riley today.

"I'm sorry I shouldn't have mentioned it," Edward stammered as he buttered toast for us.

"No, it's fine. I have to talk to him today so no need tip toeing around it," I said with a slight smile as Edward looked up from the toast to see if he had upset me by mentioning Riley.

"Do you want to talk about it at all?" he asked me in an awkward tone that told me he was just asking to be polite.

"No, I am not sure what I would say, anyway," I said as I watched him pour me a cup of coffee. Edward handed me the cup and looked at me for a moment.

"Do you love him?" he asked me in an even tone, but I could hear the hurt and tension in his voice as he spoke to me.

Did I love Riley? I was so certain that I did, but now I didn't know. I knew at one point in time he was good for me. He helped piece me back together after leaving Edward and Seattle behind. He also hurt me beyond belief as I discovered that he knew that Edward had come back for me and refused to tell me and now the discovery that he had fucked Erin had me doubting how well I knew the man I supposedly loved.

"Yes, but…" I started to say as I brought my cup up to take a sip of coffee. It tasted so good I could not help but moan as I took my first drink of coffee of the day. Edward's eyes got big as I moaned, causing me to blush like a stupid school girl for him.

"Riley is a lucky guy to have you then," Edward said in a stiff manner as he grabbed our plates and brought them over to the small table.

We ate in silence and as we did I looked around at all the things that used to be mine. I understood he bought them to help me since I refused his help. That made sense to me in a weird way and I could see him doing that as a means to allowing him to help me. I would not let him near me at the time, so buying my stuff or renting my apartment so I could avoid a month's worth of unneeded rent made sense to me since that was his only options in assisting me. What I didn't understand was why three years later he still had my stuff and the apartment.

"So, Alice called," Edward said, distracting me from my thoughts of asking him what his motives were for keeping my things.

"I guess her and Jasper broke up. He's been seeing someone behind her back," Edward said and then looked at me as if I had grown a second head when I snorted in laughter.

"What?" I asked him as he looked at me in surprise.

"I knew you hated Jasper, I just never knew how much," he said as he looked at me.

"Oh, I do hate Jasper. He is a know it all prick who needs his ass kicked, but that was not what I was laughing at," I replied with a smile as he looked at me, waiting for me to continue.

"Oh come on, Edward. You Cullens act like no one would ever cheat on you, that you are above that and that is just ridiculous," I snorted at him in laughter as he looked at me with a shocked look across his handsome face.

"Yes, I guess, but Alice is broken by all of this and I hate to see her hurt," Edward said in a sad tone, reminding me that he was a caring brother to her.

"Alice needs to be happy that he is gone since his is just bad news, you know. I mean, look at how he treats his kid," I replied before stuffing my mouth full of eggs with a dreamy sigh since they were so good.

"Kid?" he asked me as he looked over his mug of coffee with an interested look.

"You know he has a child right?" I asked him and then watched as he shook his head no. I explained how Jasper had a child with Maria Gomez, who was a former assistant at the Cullen Law Firm.

"How did I not know this?" he asked me curious as to how he had missed this hot piece of gossip in the office that he had lived in.

"Well, she left about the same time I did, so I am guessing it was going on while we were together," I stammered as he looked at me with his eyes full of fire as I mentioned our past.

"I guess I can see how we would have missed it then," he said with a slight smile for me. It hinted at all the wicked smiles that he would give me during the day when we worked together.

"How in the hell does Alice not know?" he asked me, as if I had the answer to that one. I could see the anger rolling off of him as he sat there. I wanted to laugh at him for going in his protective big brother mode, but I couldn't since it was endearing to see this side of him.

"Are you sure it's his kid?" he asked before drinking his coffee.

"Well, that is what the DNA test said," I replied with a shrug of my shoulders as he grumbled over this news. We talked about Jasper and how him ending things with Alice was all for the best since he was such a slime ball. It made for easy conversation and lightened the mood as Edward promised to kick his ass the next time he saw him.

We laughed at Jasper's expense while we ate until there were no more Jasper stories to share leaving us in the heavy silence that had surrounded us since last night. It was in those moments of silence that my mind would question why Edward was still renting this apartment as it was filled with my old things. When the curiosity burned through me too much I had no other option, except to ask him.

"Edward, I understand why you rented this place three years ago, but I have to ask why do you still have it?" I asked him as my voice filled the silence around us. I watched Edward's face flush red for a brief moment as he picked up his coffee cup slowly to take a drink.

"Uh, well, I kept the apartment and the stuff, because, well..." Edward started to say with a heavy sigh only to stop with a deep breath. I waited patiently for him to continue as he ran a hand through his hair in frustration.

"I kept the place and the stuff because it would take me back to better times," he finally said as he looked away for a moment before looking back at me with an intense look that made me nervous as I sat there.

"I missed you every fucking day and this place, your stuff…that was all I had left of you so I refused to give it up. It would be like losing you all over again," Edward said in soft voice that cracked with emotion as he looked at me with his green eyes bright with intensity.

We sat there in silence after Edward's statement until he finally suggested taking me home. I cringed over the idea of it, but I could not avoid it any longer. It was almost noon and I was stalling here with Edward. Needless to say, I had never imagined that I would be stalling to see Riley by hiding with Edward.

I asked Edward if he minded if I wore his clothes home with the promise of returning them clean since my dress was still damp form last night. He told me that was fine and then we left still dressed in pajamas with my damp clothes and shoes in one hand.

It was a quiet drive just like I knew it would be. I could feel Edward's eyes upon me, watching me every so often as he drove. My nerves started to fray knowing that he was watching me.

Edward finally pulled up in front of my apartment building. We sat in the car silent as I contemplated getting out and facing Riley. I had no idea what I was going to say to him or if I could even say anything at all. My heart hurt because of him and I swore to myself that I would never put myself where I was second best ever again, but yet here I am once more.

"You know, I know this hard," Edward said out of the blue as he looked straight ahead and not at me. He had no idea. I spent all my time begging him to pick me. He never had to face me choosing between him and another. He never had to decide to leave someone behind like I did him. He had no fucking clue how tough this would be.

"I know that Biers is a good guy," he said in strained voice that made me want to laugh since I knew that he hated Riley. He had hated him in the past and hated him more now.

"I know that he has been really good to you and took care of you when I didn't," Edward said softly, as he turned to look at me with a remorseful look in his green eyes as he held my gaze.

"What are you saying, Edward?" I asked him in a frustrated tone as I waited for him to explain himself to me and this sudden love affair he had with Riley.

"What do you mean?" he asked me suddenly confused by my irritation.

"What I mean is, what is with this sudden love for Riley? What? Did you have sex with him too?" I asked him teasingly, but in all honesty I wanted to know what his motive was for being so supportive of Riley.

"No, I did not have sex with him," He said with an eye roll and a smirk as he looked over at me.

"I just think that you should remember that everyone makes mistakes. People who love you make mistakes and that does not mean that they are horrible people," Edward stammered as he held my gaze in a nervous fashion.

"It just means that they are human, Bella," Edward said with a serious look on his handsome face as we looked at each other in the confined area of his car.

"So, you are saying that Riley deserves a second chance," I replied to him and then watched him grimace at my words before he could mask it.

"What I am saying is that everyone deserves a second chance, even Riley Biers," he said with a bit of bitterness in his tone that I did not miss. I watched Edward as he looked at me with sad eyes. I wondered if he felt the same way about himself as well, but before I had a chance to ask him he motioned towards the glass doors the building.

"You should probably get going since he is waiting on you," Edward said as he gestured towards Riley who was standing by the glass doors with a sad look on his face as he watched us. He looked tired like he hadn't slept as he stood there watching us with a blank face.

"Yeah," I replied quietly as I opened the door to the car to get out, but stopped before getting out. I turned to face Edward who watching me closely as I turned back towards him.

"Thanks for everything, Edward," I said softly to him, hoping like hell that he understood how much I appreciated all he did for me last night and into this morning.

"That's what friends are for right?" he said to me with a sad smile as he grinned at me. I returned the smile and then attempted to get out, but he stopped me by taking hold of my arm and then let go of me rapidly.

"Call me if you need me, ok?" Edward said without looking at me, but instead staring straight ahead with his hands on. I nodded in agreement, but knew I would never call him.

I stepped out of the car and stood there on the curb as Riley watched me with dark eyes that looked sleep deprived. I closed the car door behind me and took my first step towards Riley. Edward sat in the car for a moment, watching us I was sure, before driving away and leaving me to deal with the mess that had become my life.

**AN:**

**Thanks reading and reviewing!**

**A special thanks goes out to IcarusToSun for being the best ever! Hugs to you!**

**On a different note, I noticed that this story is approaching the 1000****th**** review and we were thinking that maybe at the 1000****th**** review I could treat every one with an outtake of your choice. It could a glimpse into the future or if there is something from the past that you would like to see let me know since this is your chance to tell me what to write : ) Also the 1000****th**** reviewer will be featured on the blog.**

**Until next time,**

**Mamasutra**


	26. Chapter 26

Disclaimer:

Yay! Thanks to you and all of your awesomeness Perhaps Not to Be has reached 1000 reviews! A special thanks to 06Marie91 who was the 1000 reviewer! If I could I would have streamers and balloons falling as well as champagne for everyone at this amazing accomplishment! I know, I know, other stories reach this milestone all the time without fanfare, but to me this is huge.

Ok, I promised an outtake of your choice and this is what I have heard back from you.

An outtake from the past concerning Edward and what he really thought as he gave Bella the key shaped necklace.

Edward and Bella's wedding in full detail.

A happy, married, pregnant Edward and Bella.

Anything.

Here is your chance to vote or add to the list of what you would like to see. I am up for anything so tell me what is it you want to read : )

Thanks for being the best readers ever!

Hugs,

Mamasutra


	27. Chapter 27

Hello All!

This is just a quick note to let you know that the overall winner of what outtake is the future outtake of a married Edward and Bella. I am actually almost done with it, but unsure as to when it will make it to you since my dearest IcarusToSun is in the middle of a real life moment and I am not sure if she can help with the story currently. Real life is more important that fanfic anyday. If anyone is interested in helping out please let me know.

OH! 06marie91 mentioned a future outtake with Riley and Bella, so I am writing one of those as well just to make everyone happy!

Hugs,

Mamasutra


	28. Chapter 28

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

BPOV pt 2

I stood on the slick curb and looked at Riley while Edward sat in his car, most likely watching the two of us stand there. I wanted him to leave and yet I needed him to stay. It was a horrible mix of emotions, especially since Edward was the last person I ever thought I would need again.

I walked closer to the building and as I did Riley watched me like I was a ghost. It was like he was waiting for me to disappear right before his eyes and to be honest, I wanted to as well. I opened the glass doors and walked into be greeted by him silently as we looked each other over.

He looked tired, as if he hadn't slept. There were purple bags under his eyes and his face looked pale. I wanted to feel bad about this radical change in his appearance, but I couldn't. He had done this, not me.

I looked into his now dull blue green eyes and then looked away since in that instant I could see him hurt over the situation and I was not ready to deal with his hurt since in my mind he had no right to be hurt. I was the victim here.

I turned and left him in the lobby as I walked towards the elevator, leaving him behind for a moment until I heard his quick footsteps following me. I never looked back at him as the elevator doors opened and I stepped in to go to what was our apartment. I could feel Riley enter the elevator directly behind me, but he remained silent as well.

"Are you going to talk to me?" he asked me in a quiet voice that sounded hollow as I refused to look at him. I wasn't sure if I could talk to him now, but I knew that I needed to.

"What is there to say?" I replied back to him with a shrug of my shoulders as I listened to his heavy sigh as the elevator came to a slow stop.

"There is plenty to say, Bella," Riley said to me as the doors came open and I darted out and walked towards the apartment with him following close behind me.

"Yell at me, scream at me, but do not ignore me, Bella. We have too much together to ignore," he said with an edge of desperation in his voice that made me roll my eyes, but he could not see it since he was behind me.

I reached our door and went to unlock it, but found it already unlocked. I turned the handle and walked inside. It was odd to stand there and look around at this empty place that I called home. I looked at all the knick knacks and decorations on the wall. None of them were me. It was all Riley. This was a simple sign that told me that I was nowhere to be found in this mess that was Riley and I.

"Talk to me please," he said softly as he stepped inside and closed the door behind us.

"What is there is say?" I asked him as I avoided looking at him while I stood in the middle of the room, unsure of what to do from here.

"There is plenty to say and I want to hear it, Bella," he stammered as he moved so he was in front of me now.

"Yell at me, hit me, or do something. I just can't stand the silence," he said with such a broken tone that it hurt me.

"What do you want me to say?" I asked me as I looked at his handsome face. Riley was beautiful, even with purple bags under his eyes; he was beautiful and it hurt me to see him so broken, but he had caused this, not me.

"Why didn't you come home last night?" Riley asked me with a sad tone to his voice that made my heart hurt.

"I couldn't come back here to you," I replied honestly and then watched as he cringed at my words.

"Where did you stay?" he asked as he looked at me closely. I could feel his eyes roam over me. I was sure he was not missing any detail of my clothing which was obviously male.

"What does it matter?" I asked him as I met his eyes, daring him to continue his line of questioning with me.

"I was worried about you," he replied simply as he held my gaze with his steady blue green one.

"Did you stay with Edward?" he asked me with a tight voice that instantly made me bristle at his question.

"Is that really the line of questions you want to take with me at this moment?" I asked him as he watched me with careful eyes. I knew he was worried about what happened.

"Yes, I did, but don't worry cause unlike you I know how to keep my pants on and my legs crossed," I replied with a sarcastic tone that hinted at the bitterness that I felt over his betrayal.

"Bella, I…" he started to say, but I cut him off quickly.

"What? You're sorry?" I asked him in the same menacing tone as he watched me with sad eyes.

"Yes, it was an accident," he replied as his eyes held mine while his face went a ghost white as he spoke to me.

"Oh, an accident?" I asked him as I looked over at him with a sneer as I laughed a fake laugh.

"What? Did you fall down and your dick just happened to land inside of her over and over again?" I asked him with a sarcastic laugh as he winced at my words.

"No, Bella just let me explain," he said as he took hold of my hand in his large warm one. In the past this comforting gesture would have been enough to spur me into at least hearing him out, but now it only made me mad. I felt like he was talking down to me or treating me like a child and I was done with Riley making decisions for me.

"No, Riley, you listen to me," I said in an angry hiss at him as I yanked my hand back away from his as his eyes went wide in surprise.

"I trusted you. Hell, I even gave you an out from our so called relationship by telling you all you had to do was tell me if you wanted another and we would end it, but you couldn't respect me enough to even do that," I went on in a breathless manner as he stared at me with a shocked look on his handsome face.

"I believed in you. I believed you when you said that you would never hurt me. I believed you when you said that you would never treat me second best and yet here we are," I said with a wild motion of my hands around me as Riley stepped away from me.

"So, tell me, oh wise one, what am I missing here? What is it that you need to explain to me because I know the base facts," I said with a scowl as he watched me.

"I know that you fucked her and did not give a fucking care as to what you promised me," I yelled at him as he flinched at my words.

"Is there more to the story than that? What more do I need to know?" I continued to yell at him as we stood in the middle of our living room. I looked over at Riley and found his eyes cast down towards the ground.

I looked around at our living room and nothing was out of place. The furniture and the decorations were perfect. The warm colors were bright and the whole room was inviting. I shook my head at it all since it all was a fucking lie. This perfection was nothing but a false image. My life with Riley was fucked beyond measure and I suddenly found myself wanting to destroy everything in this damn room so it matched what we really were.

"Bella, I just…I just fucked up, ok?" he said softly as if that was explanation enough, but before I could laugh at him he continued on.

"I was so upset when I was in California. I was so worried about you and about us and it consumed me," he stuttered as I stood there staring at him, unable to move as his words caused me to freeze.

"You were all I thought about," he stammered as he watched me with nervous eyes.

"I don't believe you since if that were true you would've never had fucked her," I whispered to him as I watched his face fall once more.

"How many times, Riley?" I asked him in the same quiet whisper while he refused to look at me.

"Were you fucking her before we ever left California?" I asked him, unsure if I wanted to know how many times he had been with her, but knowing if I didn't know I would constantly wonder about it.

"No, it was only once. It was only that night," he stammered in a soft voice, but would not look at me.

"So, if this is true, I am to believe it was only once and it was only that one night," I repeated as I felt my stomach turn over his words.

"It is true! It was only once and that was it. I knew it was wrong. I knew when I was with her it was wrong and then you were there at the airport and…" he stammered in a nervous fashion as the words rambled out of his mouth making me more sick with each word that he spoke.

"Yes, I was at the airport waiting for you because I missed you and needed you!" I yelled at him as my anger rose once more over how he came back after fucking her.

"But you! You had just left Erin's place after fucking her and jumped on the plane to come back to me!" I yelled as he looked away from me once more in what had to be shame.

"You came back to me and kissed me after your mouth had been on her! You made love to me after fucking her!" I screamed at him as he winced at my words.

My mind was racing a million miles an hour as I stood there gasping for air as my anger took control of me. I was lost in the thought of Riley being with me after being with Erin. I was lost in the idea that she had fucked every eligible man in our office plus who knows who else she may have fucked. My stomach dropped at the idea as I suddenly thought of every sexually transmitted disease that was out there and how I was now exposed to them all.

"You fucked her and then came home to me!" I screamed as he stepped away from me. I think he was scared that I was losing my mind and maybe I was, I was not sure of anything anymore.

"Now I have to be tested because who knows what fucking diseases you brought home to me!" I ranted as I stood there, looking for something, anything to throw against the wall to break. I needed release and shattering something so it was broken like me would make me feel better, I was sure of it.

"I used a condom," I heard him whisper as I ranted on about the need to be tested.

"I don't care! You should have never had fucked her! What the fuck were you thinking?" I screamed at him as he flinched once more for me.

"I only thought of you! Then Erin mentioned how you were probably back with Edward because everyone knew you were still hung up over the guy you left behind in Seattle," he stuttered as if he knew saying Erin's name would set me off and it did.

"You believed her? She knew nothing about me, Ri and you believed what she said?" I yelled as I looked at him, shocked by his statement. Erin and I had never even talked so how in the hell would she know anything about me.

"I don't know. I just thought that you would…" he said softly as he looked away.

"You just thought what? You thought that I would just jump back into bed with Edward?" I asked him as he continued to look away from me.

"Well, that just shows how little you know me," I said after a moment of silence between us.

"Bella, I never meant to hurt you," he said as he finally looked up at me with his tired blue green eyes dull from pain.

"Well, you did and now, I just don't know Riley," I said as I looked around the room as if the answer to this whole fucked up mess was hidden in the perfection that surrounded us.

I stepped away from Riley and started to slowly walk towards our bedroom, leaving Riley behind. Once inside the room I grabbed my suit case that was in the corner and set it upon the bed. I opened it and started throwing my clothes in it just as Riley entered the room.

"What are you doing?" he asked me in a panicked tone that made me cringe since even though he hurt me I still hated hurting him.

"I'm leaving," I replied simply as I willed myself not to cry in front of him. He did not need to see my break down. He did not deserve my tears and I was not about to let him see me so affected by his stupidity.

I felt Riley step closer until his arms were around me, holding me to him as my back pressed into his chest. I could hear his murmuring apologies and half broken promises of being better, but I refused to bend.

I had been the other woman before. I had been the one hoping for time spent with the man I wanted. I had made the odd timed phone calls. I had done it all and all the while I had never given a second thought to Jess. I had never thought about how my being with Edward or wanting Edward with me had affected her. I had never thought beyond how badly I wanted him to see what I was doing to her and in that moment as Riley held me, trying to convince me to stay I realized the apology that was owed to Jess. I wasn't sure if I would ever be able to say it to her, but I would have to come up with another means to correct what was due to her.

I shook my head in an effort to clear my thoughts and as I did Riley clung to me tighter as if he could will me to stay. I slowly pulled away from his grasp until there was space between us once more.

"Riley, just stop," I managed to say as he reached for me again. I turned to face him and watched him freeze as I looked at him. I could see the pain in his eyes and that killed me.

"I am sorry Bella; I never meant to hurt you. I never meant to be anything but what you needed," he whispered as I started to collect my clothes once more.

"Please don't leave," he whispered to me in a pleading manner that broke my heart since I was not immune to his heartbreaking pleas. I loved Riley and I knew that, but I could not stay with him, not now anyway.

I needed to get out of here. I needed to get away from Riley to think clearly. This was too much and I was done with it. I threw the rest of what I could in my suitcase and then turned to leave. Riley stepped in front of me, but I pushed him out of the way easily as I made my way through the door.

"Please Bella, please, stay with me," he called behind me as I walked towards the front door. I hated to hear him beg, but there was no way I could stay here now. He had lied to me. He had let that lie go on and who knew when or even if he was ever going to tell me about what happened with Erin.

"Are you going back to him?" he called to me as I touched the door handle to leave. I shook my head since no matter what, it always came back to Edward with Riley. His insecurities all stemmed from Edward and to be honest, I was sick of it.

"Is this really the conversation you want to have with me?" I asked him as I turned to look at him one last time before opening the door. I could have told him that I wasn't going back to Edward, but I didn't see what it would matter since Riley would think what he wanted.

I opened the door and stepped out into the hallway, dragging my bag behind me. Riley came to the door in a rush and I found myself wrapped in his embrace. It was warm and wrong as he held me to him whispering his pleas for me not to leave.

I let him hold me for a moment before untangling myself from his embrace. I could not stand the feel of his arms around me because it made me think of him and Erin locked in some torrid embrace.

"Don't do this Bella," he pleaded with me as I looked away from him toward where the elevator was at.

"I didn't do anything Riley, it was all you," I replied simply and then walked away, leaving him alone in our hallway.

**AN:**

**Thank for every one who is reading and reviewing! I luv you all!**

**A special thanks to IcarusToSun for being a great beta and friend. Hugs to you Parama!**

**Ok, well, what can I say? Uhmmm.. What have I been reading? I have been reading Eden Burning by Saluki168 ff#6573674. Oh and you have to check out The Hot Corner by LZTZ & D Pattinson ff#5282168. **

**Let's see… the outtakes for the 1000****th**** review are coming along delightfully and should be yours soon. The next chapter jumps back to Edward.**

**Until next time…**

**Take care,**

**Mamasutra**


	29. Chapter 29

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

BPOV

I walked out of the building with my bag dragging behind me like a dead weight, unsure of where to go next. I hated disorder and that was what my life was now. It was one epic cluster fuck and I needed an out. I needed time to plot, to plan what my next move would be.

I had decided by the time I had reached my rental car that I would go to the one place that had never failed me, never cheated me and never made me second best. I got inside the car and drove with unnecessary determination to my office to bury myself in work. I would find the answers I needed in my life there just like I always did.

The office was silent and I was the only one there, which made me happy since I was in no mood to deal with anyone at the time. The hours passed and as they did I felt myself begin to relax. It was like the droll drum of paper work calmed my frayed nerves enough for me to finally focus on my life.

I needed a place to stay. I was not about to go back to what had been my place with Riley. I needed space from him to figure out what I was going to do and if my relationship with him was even worth attempting to salvage.

I picked up the phone and quickly made reservations at a Residents Inn that was close by in the downtown area since it was close to work and kept me out of Rose's house. It was an easy decision and yet it made me feel instantly better about myself as I started to plan my way out of the mess I was in.

I emailed the real estate agent that Esme had referred to me with my list of wants concerning what I was looking for in my new Seattle based home. I contacted a moving company in California concerning my items left behind at my old residence since I was going to sublease it to another person with-in the firm there. I kept myself busy with making arrangements and not once did I allow myself to think of Riley, Edward or what to do about either of them.

I was so lost in my plans that I almost did not hear my cell phone as it rang out to me. I glanced at the caller ID to discover that it was Rose.

"What's up?" I asked her as I answered the phone while I continued on with my list of emails to complete.

"You still coming over tonight?" she asked me while music blared in the back ground.

"Uh, I don't know," I replied honestly as I thought about spending the night around her and Emmett. The idea of being around their perfect little love affair made me sick.

"Oh, come on. It's just tacos. I know you love tacos," she said in a teasing manner that made me roll my eyes.

"Yes, I do, but really I am not in the mood," I replied as I noticed a new email from Riley waiting for me as I scrolled through my inbox. Fuck him. I didn't want to hear how damn sorry he was right now.

"Yeah, how did things go last night?" she asked me as I started to laugh at her question.

What could I say to her? Last night was horrible with finding out about Riley and then being transported back in time with Edward. There were no words for it and my mind was still reeling from it all.

"Did you know that Edward had all my old stuff?" I asked her since I wanted to know if she had been a part of selling my stuff to him.

"What do you mean all your stuff?" she asked me with a confused tone that made me laugh once more as I explained walking into the time warp that had been my apartment. Rose listened closely as I explained in detail how everything was the same and yet different now that it was Edward's place.

"Jesus," was all she muttered as I finished my detailed description of his place.

"It was truly creeptastic and I am not sure what to think about it," I said honestly since truly I had no idea about Edward any more.

"What did he say?" she asked me with an edge to her voice that made me laugh once more. Rose hated him for nothing more than how everything worked out between us. I had told her time and again I was just as guilty as he was, but she refused to see it that way.

"Nothing really. He told me he bought it all to help me and that he missed me," I replied simply since that was the essence of what he had said to me.

"Huh, well, who knew underneath all those layers of asshole there was a small sliver of decent guy lurking?" she asked me with a laugh that made me laugh as well. I could have told her that I did, but it was best not to respond.

We ended our conversation with my promise to come over for dinner and then maybe watch a movie. I stressed the word _maybe_ since I had no plans of staying past dinner.

At the hotel I finally showered and changed out of Edward's clothes. I had spent the day wearing them, and breathing him for comfort just like I used to. I hated that I still found comfort in his scent. I hated that he had been decent last night. I could handle a dick-head, heartless Edward since that was who Edward had become to me at the end, but last night was too much. He was kind, caring even, and that was too close to him being the boy I had fallen in love with ten years ago.

It hurt to see him like that. It hurt to see him being considerate of me since it went against the monster I knew him to be. It hurt because it reminded me that at one time he had cared for me and it was not an illusion that I had created in my mind to feel better about myself.

I finished dressing by putting on my red lip-stick that instantly made me feel powerful as I banished all thoughts of Edward out of my mind only to have them be replaced with thoughts of Riley. I wondered if he was ok. I knew I should not care after what had happened, but I could not stop myself from thinking of him.

I drove to Rose's house and was greeted with a very contrite Emmett at the door with the delicious smell of tacos wafting out around him. I didn't care that he had sold my things to Edward. I didn't care at all now, but if you had asked me three years ago if I was ok with Edward buying my things I would have demanded that they be burned first.

"So, how are you doing?" Emmett asked me cautiously, as Rose busied herself with chopping tomatoes for the tacos. I knew he was treading lightly around me, most likely because Rose had told him to.

"I'm ok," I replied as I looked over at him. Emmett's blue eyes never looked bluer than when he was looking at you with pity. I hated fucking pity.

"Yeah, well if you need somewhere to stay there is always here," he offered just like I knew he would. He was kind like that, but I didn't want his help.

"Thanks, but I have it figured out," I replied with a confident tone that I had mastered after leaving Edward. Emmett dropped the conversation and I joined Rose in the kitchen just as the door bell rang. I watched as Rose looked up and rolled her pretty blue eyes, signaling me that it had to be Edward at the door.

"I'm sorry. Emmett invited him over," she said simply as she looked at me with a scowl.

"Do you think you should have told me?" I asked her in a condescending tone as I felt my heart start to pound in my chest as anxiety washed over me. I could hear his voice as he talked with Emmett in the other room as I wondered if he knew I would be here tonight.

"I wanted to you come and I knew you would say no if he was here," she said with her eyes all big and sad looking as she looked up at me from her chopping board. I knew her well enough to know she was trying to make eyes at me and it was ridiculous.

"Fine, whatever," I replied irritated, that once more a decision concerning me was made without consulting me at all. I grabbed my beer and took a slow drink as I watched Edward appear in the door-way, looking as uncomfortable as I felt.

"Rose," he said with a nod toward her as Rose said hello before turning towards me with his green eyes burning bright. I smiled at him as we exchanged our hellos wordlessly. It was awkward and yet it worked for us since really there was nothing to say.

Rose tried her best to keep the conversation going as she directed us along on bringing items to the table while Emmett kept the beers flowing. I would glance over at Edward every once in a while to find him watching me with a serious expression that made my stomach clench in a nervous fashion that I hated. I hated that he still affected me after all this time.

"Ok, now we are ready," Rose announced as she placed the last bowl on the table before motioning for us to sit down to eat like she had placed the final touches on a master piece of art instead of sitting a bowl of cut limes on the table. I wanted to snicker at her for all her seriousness, but I just shook my head instead.

The dinner went fast and Rose kept the conversation light as she played quiz master, firing a session of rapid questions at me covering everything from the firm to my parents' vacation in a matter of twenty minutes. I could see she was nervous over having Edward and I together, but the constant questions were grating on my nerves as I sat there.

"Ok, Rose, enough with the questions," I said as she took another breath to start a new line of questions for me.

"I appreciate you wanting to make things light, but enough already," I said as I watched Rose blush lightly over my words as Emmett snickered at her.

"There has to be something else that we can talk about that does not involve playing twenty questions," I said as I looked over to Emmett and then finally Edward for help. Edward held my gaze for a moment before taking a quick drink of his beer.

"I, uh, I worked on your contract this afternoon," Edward said as he looked at me while still gripping his beer in his hand. His eyes were burning bright like he had secret to share.

"Do you know if the others had a contract like yours?" he asked me as he continued on with a half of a smile now. I had seen Mike, Tyler, and Riley's contracts. We had poured over them together to make sure they were identical and they were.

"Yes, they all were the same," I replied simply as I watched him smile a bit more like me telling him that was good news somehow.

"Is this good news?" I asked him as he watched me closely with his happy smile.

"In a way I guess, since it shows that Grandpa was not separating you out from the others, so that part is good news" he replied as he smiled before launching into details over the contract. I tried to listen to him as he explained that the four of us were paid more than his father, but it was hard since I was distracted over how bright his eyes were as he spoke. I could see how much he loved the work and it made me smile since in all my time back in Seattle I had not seen him look so alive.

"I compared your contract to my dad's and…" he started to say excitedly, but I stopped him.

"How did you get your dad's contract?" I asked him as he laughed a little.

"I called my mom and asked her for it. She faxed it over when I told her I was trying to help you," he said as he watched me with a slight smile. Esme was incredibly kind to me as always.

"The bad news is that while you and the others are being paid more than my father, you all have less shares given to you than what he has," Edward said with a more somber look on his handsome face. I was not surprised by this; as a matter of fact I expected this so I was not shocked.

"Honestly, Bella, it's not a bad contract," Edward said with a tinge of sadness in his voice as I nodded my head in understanding. I had hoped that there was something flawed about the contract that would give me the perfect reason to leave, but knowing that it was good, even better than good really based on what Edward had said, I knew I just could not walk away from the opportunity I had given.

"I'm sorry," he said as he looked at me. He must have been able to see the disappointment in my eyes as I looked at him.

"That's ok, it was a long shot and really the job isn't so bad," I said with a shrug of my shoulders, shocked over the actual truth in my words. The job wasn't so bad and I really enjoyed it.

"Enough of this work bull shit, it's movie time!" Emmett announced as he clapped his large hands together, causing Edward and I to jump in surprise over the loudness of it. Emmett was never one to let the moment go flat, so his quick insistence to start the movie made me laugh.

I stood up and helped Rose clear the table while Emmett tried to move Edward into the next room, but he did not budge, instead he started to carry dishes to the kitchen along with us.

"Always trying to make me look bad," I could hear Emmett mutter to him as he walked off to get the movie ready for us, causing me to snicker loudly at him. Emmett was always complaining. I looked over at Edward and found him laughing as well. It was nice to laugh again, even if it was slightly strained.

We moved in their living room and just as Emmett was ready to start the DVD I announced that I was leaving. I did not want to sit through a movie. I just wanted to leave. I was done for the day and no Will Farrell movie would fix that for me.

I said good night to everyone while avoiding looking at Edward. I could not bear to look into his green eyes and see the pity I knew would be there.

"Call if you need anything," I heard Rose yell out to me as I stepped out the front door onto the front porch before braving the icy rain. I stood there for a moment as the door opened and then closed behind me. I did not need to turn around to know that it was Edward who had followed me out. It was always Edward.

I stood there, waiting for him to speak, but he remained silent. Instead of his words, I felt his presence settle over me like a warm blanket. It was wrong how comforted I was by his presence.

"Edward," I said simply, hoping to nudge him along in whatever it was he needed to say to me. I didn't turn to look at him. I couldn't because I knew it would hurt me to see the pity in his eyes.

"How are you doing?" he asked me in a soft voice that made my chest hurt since I could hear the concern in his voice.

"Why does everyone keep asking me that?" I asked him as I felt my anger rise. I was tired of being treated like I was made of glass and on the edge of shattering.

"Because people care about you," he replied simply in a voice that lacked emotion. I turned to look at him so I could tell him that I did not need his concern, and was greeted with his green eyes shining bright in the darkness. He looked pained and yet beautiful as ever.

"They want to know if you are alright, and if not, they want to fix it," he continued on as I stood there, staring at him like a lost lamb. It took a moment for my anger to return, but when it did I clung to it with both hands since anger was safer than the comfort I was feeling with him there.

"What do you want me to say? Do you want me to tell you that I'm fine, because I am not. It hurts to have your heart broken," I said, trying to keep the accusations out of my voice since I was not in the mood to discuss the past again.

"I am told the best way to avoid a broken heart is to act like you don't have a heart to begin with," Edward replied in a soft voice that was serious and stood out from the rain that fell around us.

"Did it work for you?" I asked him and then watched him shake his head no while chuckling at my word.

"Not at all," he said with a smile that did not reach his eyes since they looked pained as he looked at me. The silence between us was heavy, almost crushing with its weight. I looked into his green eyes and for a moment I could see the flickering of the boy who was my friend before sex complicated everything. In our three years apart I did not just miss Edward, who was my lover, I had missed Edward, who was my friend, and it was the longing for that lost friendship that was causing my protective walls to crumble.

"Have you spoken to him?" he asked me as if he could sense my weakness and need for him.

"Not since after you dropped me off. He kept calling and texting, so I finally shut off my phone," I replied back as he nodded his head as if he understood while the silence filled the space between us again.

"What did he say?" he asked me in such a small voice I was not sure if he actually spoke or not, but I answered anyway like the fool I was when it came to Edward.

"He said that it was a mistake and that he knew it was wrong. That he was confused, he only thought of me. The same bullshit any cheater ever says," I whispered to him as the darkness and rain made the space between us intimate. I watched as Edward nodded his head in understanding, but said nothing more as we stood there together. There was no need for more words since there was nothing Edward could say to make it better anyway.

"Why would he do that? I mean, I thought we were happy. I thought…" I started to ramble as I stood there, spilling my soul to the first man who had ever truly broken my heart while I refused to look into his eyes since I just knew I would now see pity in them.

"He must have been scared. Love scares the hell out people, you know," Edward replied as he stepped closer, but his tone was emotionless. We stood there silent again, letting the heaviness of our conversation pass while I struggled to keep my promise of never crying in front of him again.

Edward turned toward me with a slight sigh and whispered _good night_ softly as he turned to open the door and go back inside out of the cold. I didn't watch him go since just like the past it hurt to watch him leave.

"Maybe I wasn't enough," I whispered to myself as I stood out there, watching the rain fall as I wondered about my part in failing with Riley.

I was lost in that thought when suddenly Edward was in front of me as if he had appeared out of thin air, causing me to gasp in surprise. His eyes were burning bright with anger as he looked at me, pushing me backwards closer to the house, away from the pouring rain without ever touching me.

"You are wrong," he said with a hard tone to his voice as I gaped at him in shock.

"Edward..." I managed to say as he stepped closer so that our bodies were almost touching. I could feel the heat rolling off of him in waves, warming me without the pressure and contact of his body. His hands slowly moved up my arms, over my shoulders until his hands were cupping my face gently. The feel of his skin against mine caused sparks to fly within me, lighting me up from the inside out like only Edward could.

I had missed his touch. I had missed this spark. I had missed the burn that always came with his hands upon me. I found my heart pounding as he held my face, forcing me to meet his eyes, refusing to let me look away. Edward's eyes were dark and murky like the sea during a storm as he held my gaze.

"You are and were always enough, it was the rest of us who were unworthy of you," he whispered to me, standing so close to me I could almost taste the beer on his breath as it fanned against my lips teasingly. I looked from his bright eyes to his full lips as images of kisses that we had shared in the past filled my mind. I looked back up into his eyes and I could see hunger in his eyes as they shined back at me. It was a hunger I knew all too well. It was this hunger that had led to heated encounters and wanton kisses between us since neither of us could control the want that came with it.

I was burning from the inside out for him as he stepped closer so our bodies were barely touching. I bit back a soft moan as he leaned forward, pressing his forehead against mine causing me to jump with anticipation as his nose bumped mine while his lips almost brushed my mouth as his thumbs caressed my cheeks in a loving manner.

In that moment it did not matter that he had broken my heart before. It did not matter that he was my client. It did not matter that he was still married. All that mattered was that he was Edward and that it felt perfect.

I wanted his kiss. I wanted his touch. I wanted to feel his skin against mine. I wanted to taste him and hear him chant my name like a prayer. I wanted it all and when he looked into my eyes I knew he could see that because I could see the same need in his eyes smoldering back into mine.

I felt him tilt his head to the side just enough without moving away from me. I could feel his breath coming in raged gasps against my lips as I brought my hands up to his waist to pull him closer to me so our bodies were pressed tightly together since I wanted to feel him hard against me. I waited for his lips to claim mine in agonizing slow motion, like he was savoring the moment leading up to our first kiss after a long three year drought.

"Edward, are you coming back in here or what? I am tired of waiting on you," Emmett whined as the front door opened suddenly and the light from inside streamed over us, breaking whatever spell we had fallen under, while causing us both to freeze like a deer in headlights.

I could not look over at Emmett because my eyes were locked on Edward's face, but I could hear Emmett's muttered swearing of disbelief as we stood there still locked in an embrace. I looked at Edward's shocked face as realization of what almost had occurred poured over me like a bucket of ice water, causing me to stumble backwards away from him. It was only Edward's firm grip that prevented me from falling as I struggled to step away from him.

I could feel Emmett's eyes on me, judging me, as Edward continued to hold me silently until I was steady upon my feet. Once I found my equilibrium again I stepped farther back, putting the distance between Edward and I that was needed while his hands dropped to his sides as if it had pained him to touch me.

"I gottta go," I said in a rushed manner as guilt and embarrassment flooded my system. I sprinted off the porch, leaving Edward to deal with the fall out with Emmett. I could feel his eyes upon me as I darted through the rain to my car and safely got inside to drive away while chastising myself for being so weak and stupid.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading and reviewing!**

**A special thanks to IcarusToSun for her being a great beta & friend.**

**I am not sure what to rec this time since I am waiting on updates too : ) I will say to anyone who was reading **_**Eden Burning **_**did you see that ending coming? I didn't! **

**So, if any of you wonderful people have any great rec's send them my way : )**

**Until next time…**

**Take care,**

**Mamasutra**


	30. Chapter 30

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

I left Edward standing there stupefied while I ran off in a panic. It was stupid to get that close to him. It was dumb and unethical of me since not only was he married, but he was also my client. I was so fucked.

I drove to back to the hotel and as I did I tried to justify my actions. I had been drinking. I was under emotional duress. I was a fucking moron. Yes, fucking moron seemed to fit better than the rest.

My phone rang, causing me to jump in surprise as I drove away from the scene of the crime as I had taken to calling it in my mind. I grabbed the phone and looked to discover it was Riley. I instantly felt guilt wash over me as I looked at his name on my phone. Guilt for almost kissing Edward when I should have been hurting over him. Guilt for not being more hurt by his actions than I actually was.

I clicked on the button of my phone to talk and was greeted by Riley's voice asking me if I was ok. I was far from ok now, but that did not matter.

"I'm fine, so stop calling," I said as anger took hold of me once more. The line was silent for a moment and then Riley began once more.

"Well, I am not fine," he said with an edge to his voice as he spoke to me. I could hear the self deprecation in his tone as he spoke. This was the Riley I knew from when Bree left him. The Riley who blamed himself, not the girlfriend who was too big of a bitch to let him chase his dreams after he'd supported her obtaining hers.

"Bella, I was wrong and I want to fix this. Tell me how to fix this," he said in a strong tone that told me he was in his commander mode. Whenever Riley was faced with a problem he would tackle it head on, almost forcing it into submission. I would not be forced into submission. I would not be forced into anything and fuck him if that was what he thought.

"Riley…" I started to warn him, but he continued on as if I had not spoken

"Bella, I love you and you love me. We can fix this. I know we can," he said simply as if _no_ was not an option and that pissed me off. I was tired of everyone making decisions for me and unfortunately Riley would suffer the resulting wrath tonight.

"You do not get to tell me what will happen here. You're the one who fucked up and wants forgiveness not me. I did not fuck someone and then cover it up!" I yelled into the phone at him as all the rage over others making decisions for me coursed through my veins.

"Did you really think you could hide it from me forever? Did you really think that I would never find out?" I questioned him in anger, but never pausing long enough for him to respond. I wasn't even sure if I wanted to hear his answers since they were meaningless now. He had done it and I knew about it, nothing he said could change that.

"I asked you for just a bit of honesty in our relationship and you couldn't do it. I thought we were happy, Riley, but I guess I was wrong," I said as I tried to calm down, but it was pointless. I was pissed. I was mad at him for hurting me and I was mad at myself for being so damn weak.

"I was happy, baby, I was. I love you, Bella, and I want more. I want to fix this mess I created and I want you back with me. I can't sleep without you next to me," he stammered as his voice quivered in my ear. I could hear his emotions and I did not doubt that he loved me; I just couldn't deal with it after every-thing.

"Well, you should have thought about that before you fucked her, Riley, because from where I am at right now I can't see a good way to fix this," I hissed at him and then hung up the phone before tossing it on the passenger's seat without another look.

My phone continued to ring with calls from Riley as I drove back to the hotel. I had no more words for Riley tonight and my mind was already muddled because of my near kiss with Edward.

Edward. I had no words for him either, not that he was calling me. That near kiss was a mistake of the worst degree. He was my client for fucks sake, and yet there I was, I wrapped up in him, falling under whatever voodoo spell he'd casted upon me just like always. It was disheartening to know that three years apart meant nothing when it came to being with him since I was just the same fool like always.

It was with that depressing thought that I parked the car in the hotel parking garage to go inside. I trudged in with a heavy heart and my skin still tingling from Edward's touch.

My mind wandered as I unlocked the door and walked inside my make shift home here at the hotel. I wondered how far things would have gone with Edward if Emmett had not appeared. I had no idea what I would have done since at that exact moment in time I was lost to the cloud of lust that seemed to descend upon me as Edward touched me. It was stupid and so was I.

I striped down to a t-shirt and slipped into bed to call it a night. I closed my eyes and I could see Edward's face. I could almost smell him on me and it was disturbing and nice all at once.

I had barely relaxed when my phone rang. I didn't bother to look at the ID since I knew it had to be Riley.

"I am in no mood to speak to you so make this quick," I hissed into the phone as lay there with my eyes closed in the dark.

"Well, hello to you too," I heard a deep, teasing voice say to me as my anger melted away. Demetri. The life line in my chaotic world.

"Jesus Christ, Bella, get a grip," he said with laughter in his voice that made me smile. My mind instantly filled with memories of growing up with him. I could see him at the age of nine when he carried me home after I skinned my knee a block away because I cried it hurt too much to walk. I could see him at the age of ten, too thin and frail from leukemia, but happy since the bone marrow I had given him looked like it was taking to his system. He was my Demetri and the closest thing I had to another half.

"De, what do you want? I am in bed you know," I said with a slight smile as he laughed at my words to him.

"I was working on your case and I think I may have found something," he said in a happy tone that made me laugh since his happiness was always contagious.

"I think dear Mrs. Cullen may have been seeing someone on the sly since your boy here denies it was him," Demetri said as I heard someone in the back- ground, causing him to laugh.

"Where are you?" I asked him as my heart started to pound in my chest loudly as anxiety settled over me while I strained to hear who was in the background making him laugh.

"The question is, where are you?" he asked with an edge to his voice that clued me in on hi s anger that he had kept hidden up to this point in our conversation.

"I called Riley, since you would not answer your phone, and he stammered some bullshit excuse as to why you were not with him," Demetri said in a tone that reminded me of my father. I started to laugh at him for the tone he was using with me, but I was stopped by his words.

"Why didn't you just call me?" he asked me simply in a tone that made me feel like shit. He was my very best friend and I had not called him at all over this whole fucked up mess. I had not even thought to call him.

"I didn't want to hear 'I told you so,' so I was waiting," I replied simply since that was partially true. I did not want to hear it from him and I knew Demetri would jump all over me concerning how he was right.

"I am not going to say I told you so even if I did tell you that Riley was a fuckface and that this would happen," he said in a sympathetic tone that burned me slowly.

"See? There you go being a prick," I replied calmly as he laughed in my ear.

"Listen, I found out someone has used the credit card in Jess' name that is off of her and Edward's shared account for hotel rooms," Demetri said as the voices in the back ground faded a bit.

"What did Edward say?" I asked as I felt myself getting interested in what he had found since up until now we had nothing to help win this case.

"Edward says it wasn't him and that they sure as hell were not meeting at the Grand Hyatt every Thursday afternoon, so we might be on to something," Demetri said with a slight happy tone that made me smile since he loved the chase. He loved catching people in the act and so if anyone could catch Jess it would be Demetri.

"He also told me about how friendly the two of you got tonight," he said with a snicker that made me want to hurt him just a little.

"Oh, Bella, Bella, Bella. Do we need to brush up on our ethics training? Do you need me to remind you that you cannot fuck around with a client?" he teased as I felt myself go red in embarrassment over my lack of control that night. I could blame Edward all I wanted, but the truth was I never told him no and I sure as hell did not push him away. I wanted the kiss at that moment just as badly as he did and I knew if Emmett had not arrived when he did I would have kissed him, there was no doubt in my mind over that fact.

"No," I replied defensively as I tried to mask my embarrassment from Demetri who was laughing at me now.

"For what it's worth, Edward was freaked out over it. I'm serious; he was legitimately bothered by it. He kept babbling about how he fucked things up with you, but he stopped once I told him about Jess," Demetri said as the laughter drained from his voice. The hardest part of my job and Demetri's when I employed him, was telling the spouse that they had been cheated on. Telling Edward about the betrayal would not have been a pleasant call at all, no matter what I thought of his and Jess' marriage, and I was slightly thankful that Demetri had told him instead of me.

"How did he take it?" I asked him, almost scared to hear the answer since I knew what a blow to the ego that had to be for Edward. Edward lived on ego and had always believed that he was above being cheated on, knowing this made me want to laugh at him as much as it made me want to comfort him because of this.

"How do you think? He was pissed that he had been played," Demetri said in a tone that told me how stupid he thought I was being.

"You need to call him," he said suddenly, reminding me of my responsibility as his attorney. I hesitated since after tonight I wasn't sure what to say to him. I actually wanted to avoid him.

"I will," I replied calmly while Demetri spoke of his investigation once more. The charges from the hotel would not be enough to enforce the prenup since they did not prove that she had cheated. They only proved that she had rented a room and that was all. We needed more and that was where I would need Demetri and Felix.

"If you need me to chaperone the two of you, call ok?" he said to me in a serious tone that made me laugh.

"I'm serious Bella. You do some of the dumbest things when it comes to this guy, so know that I am behind you, ok?" he said in a simple response that almost made me hang my head in shame. Demetri was right. Edward Cullen had always sent me into a tail spin, doing things that I would have laughed at other girls if they had behaved as badly. I would have laughed at any girl who waited in the shadows while her so called boyfriend was engaged to another and yet I had done it. I was incredibly dumb when it came to Edward.

"Do you think I should pass on his case?" I asked him since I knew that Demetri would give me an honest answer. He would tell me what he thought whether it hurt to hear or not and that was the beauty of our relationship.

"No, I think taking his case is fine. He was a good friend and you still care about him even if you don't want to admit it. I think that you two fucked up things that could have been good and maybe this is a chance to repair some of that," Demetri said in a confident voice as I reeled from his comments.

"Me? You think I fucked up?" I demanded from him as he met me with silence.

"Yeah, you did. You can cry to Riley all you like over what a bastard Edward was to you, but you and I both know that you were far from innocent in that twisted mess of a relationship you had with him," Demetri said with a dark laugh that told me a fight was brewing for us.

"You always protected him," I hissed at him as he laughed again.

"No, I protected you, but when you refused to see reason or act like an adult it made it hard not to feel bad for the guy at times. You are forgetting he became my friend too," Demetri said in a calm tone that pissed me off even more.

"I have no idea what the hell you are talking about," I replied in anger as he laughed at me.

"No idea? OK, let me refresh your memory then. You fucking loved it when he chased you. You loved it when he lost his fucking mind over you. You lived for it," he said to me in a teasing tone that just set me off into a tizzy of anger.

"You would bring home guys from the bar just so he would follow you home and bang on your apartment door until you let him in to throw the guy out," Demetri said with an irritating chuckle as his words were like adding fuel to the fire burning within me.

"You two played fucked up games with each other with yours being worse than his because your games were meant to hurt, to punish, because he wasn't doing what you wanted," he said simply to me as I gasped in surprise over his statement.

"I never…" I yelled at him, but he just continued talking over me.

"Oh yes, you did! I know you Bella! You can lie to your dad or to Riley, but you can't lie to me!" he yelled back as I sat there listening to his words as they tore at my heart.

"You pushed him every bit as much as what he pushed you. It was fucked up and wrong, but you knew that it would be like that from the beginning since he was with her from the beginning, right?" he asked me in a rush as I drew a breath to yell at him.

"Shut up!" I yelled at him, needing him to stop his attack on me. I didn't want to hear that I had any major claim to the blame that was the mess between Edward and me. I knew that Edward was with her from the beginning and that I was wrong to have been with him, but beyond that I refused to take a large portion of the blame.

"I know you, Bella. I know you want to believe that you are the victim here and yes, he was a total fucking prick, but you are not the only victim in that mess. You knew he had a girlfriend and you went along with it, hell you even pursued him at times so don't act like you are the injured party. You knew what was going on and you went along with it," he said to me in such a sure tone as I sat there stunned into silence by his words.

"You are cruel," I whispered into the phone as I blinked back the tears that were forming in eyes as his words left marks on my heart. I refused to believe I was just as guilty as Edward, but to hear it come back at me from Demetri in a word lashing hurt like hell.

"No, I'm not cruel," he said in a hushed tone that told me that he had some remorse over what was said.

"I'm your friend. I am not your dad or some guy trying to get in your pants," he said softly as I shook my head at his barely hidden jab at Riley.

"I promised you years ago that I would only ever tell you the truth, even if that truth hurt. Do you remember that promise?" he asked me softly, as I sat there trying not to cry.

I did remember that promise we made to each other. It was made at the age of sixteen after I found his girl friend making out with Sam Uley. I hated to tell Demetri, but knew that he needed to know. It was the most painful thing I had ever done for him and that included when I had donated bone marrow for him. I can still remember how his eyes looked so sad when I told him because he was so in love with her and it just fucking killed me to hurt him. We made a promise that night that we would always tell each other the truth, no matter how painful it was to hear. It was a pact of sorts since we knew we could only really count on each other. Looking back I should have never agreed to it since hearing the truth now hurt like a bitch.

"Of course I remember," I replied irritated that he would question me.

"Then trust me that I am doing this for you, and get off your damn high horse when it comes to Edward, because you have behaved no better," he replied simply as if the facts were enough to stop my whining and they were not.

"He was horrible," I replied like a petulant child.

"Yes, he was," Demetri said softly, trying to soothe me now that he hurt my heart.

"He couldn't even be bothered to sit with me until you showed up when Dad had his heart attack," I said with a scowl as I was refusing to give up my position that he was worse than me in our dysfunctional relationship.

"No, he didn't, but he did send that doctor so…" Demetri said as he started to change the subject, but I stopped him.

"What do you mean he sent the doctor?" I asked him confused since I did not remember Edward sending anything, not even a damn card. He just called me a few days later, bitching about how I was not around.

"You know he sent Dr. Banner, right?" Demetri asked me as if I was aware of what in the hell he was talking about.

"No. How do you know he sent Dr. Banner?" I asked him as my stomach twisted with nerves over the thought of Edward being a part of Charlie's care.

"I don't know for a fact, but it all makes sense. I mean, why would the most prominent cardiologist in Seattle just happen to come to Forks to look after just your father?" Demetri asked as I remained silent, my mind reeling over the idea of Edward being a part of that when I was so sure that he had abandoned me after Dad's heart attack.

"Not unless you were banging some other trust fund baby that had ties to Dr. Banner that I am not aware of," Demetri teased as I sat there quietly. I hated it when he would tease me about Edward and my past with him. He knew this, but he would do it anyway just to make me squirm.

"Listen, babe, I gottta go. I have to look into some things that Edward told me about Jess," Demetri said, pulling me out of my thoughts of Edward and Demetri.

"Uh, yeah, ok. I will see you tomorrow, right?" I asked him since I wanted to make sure we were still on for lunch.

"Oh, yeah, I will see you," he replied in a distracted manner that made me laugh since I knew Demetri was already working on whatever it was that he needed to focus on.

"Oh, and Bella?" he said suddenly as I was ready to hang up.

"Yeah?" I asked him as I paused to hear whatever his parting comments would be.

"Call him," he said simply before hanging up on me with a sweet good night.

The last thing I wanted to do was call Edward, but I knew that under normal circumstances I would call my client if they had found out that their spouse had cheated on them. I would call or come over to see them, to make sure that they were ok, but this was so hard since it was Edward.

I picked up the phone and dialed his number only to cancel the call. I knew I needed to call him, but the more I thought of the situation the more I knew I also needed to be his friend, like he was for me. I glanced over at the clock to find it still early enough in the night for me to make a visit to his apartment without it looking too odd after our night together. I slipped on a sweat shirt and then headed out the door to Edward's apartment.

I could not decide if my presence would be welcomed or not after our incident on Emmett's porch as I parked my car in the garage by the apartment building. I grabbed my bag of goodies that I had bought and then sat in my car, waiting for the courage to come to me that I would need to face Edward after our near kiss.

I could still feel his touch against my skin as I thought of his hands upon my face. I could almost feel his body, warm and inviting, pressed against me after I pulled him close. I had always loved having him close and tonight was no different, I loved it. I shook my head to clear my thoughts since there was no need to think of what almost happened since I could not, would not let that happen again.

I breathed deeply as I opened my door and walked across the parking lot in my sleep pants and sweatshirt. The bag of Ben and Jerry's ice cream dangled at my side as I approached the door with the buzzer. After another steadying breath I pushed the buzzer for his door and then waited for his response.

"Hello?" I could hear him call through the intercom with a puzzled sound that made me want to laugh at him, but I couldn't since I was too nervous.

"Hey, Edward, it's me…Bella," I replied softly in a somewhat confident tone that did not match the sick feeling I had as I stood there waiting to see if he would buzz me in. There was silence in response to announcing my arrival. I thought I heard his troubled sigh through the intercom, but I could not tell for sure since it was so quiet.

Edward said nothing to me, but instead I was greeted with the jarring sound of the buzzer, telling me that he had allowed me inside. I almost wished he had refused me as I opened the door to enter the building, away from the cold wind that was blowing over me as I stood out there waiting.

I walked slowly towards the apartment and as I did I thought about turning around to leave, but it was too late, he had seen me. Edward was standing in the door way, with the door wide open, waiting, and watching me from a distance. I could see the uneasy expression on his face as I walked closer with my grocery bag dangling off my arm, bouncing into my legs as I walked.

"Where is your winter coat?" he asked me with a hint of concern in his tight voice as I stopped in front of him. He was still dressed in the jeans and button down shirt that he had worn to Emmett's house, except he was now barefoot. Edward's wild hair was standing on end as if he had spent our time apart this evening running his hands through them in a nervous fashion. I looked at his face and found it drawn, pinched tight in frustration as his eyes met mine with a distant look.

"I don't really have one. California, remember? I lived close to the desert so I only have light jackets," I replied back with a shrug as I watched him roll his eyes and mutter about my lack of concern for myself.

"May I come in?" I asked him boldly as he muttered on about my lack of winter jackets. I felt his eyes upon me as I stood there, waiting, like a fool for his approval to enter what once was my place. Edward looked at me with an uneasy look on his face as his green eyes took on the color of the stormy sea once more as he watched me standing in front of him. Slowly, he stepped aside and I walked into the apartment with more confidence than I was feeling at the moment.

I did not wait for his permission to go into the kitchen to get spoons for each of us while I listened to Edward close the door behind us slowly. When I returned to the front room he was standing by the door, looking around like he was plotting his escape. He had a nervous look about him that made me twitchy as well. He watched me walk around and then finally sit down on the black couch with the grocery bag in front of me.

"Do you want to sit down?" I asked him without looking at him as I moved over, allowing him room to sit by me if he wanted. Edward slowly moved over to the couch and sat down as far away from me as possible while never taking his eyes off me. It was like he was unsure of what I was going to do next.

"Why are you here?" he asked me quietly as I sat there silently, giving him time to collect himself he watched me closely.

"Because," I replied simply as I looked over at his face. He was still so handsome that it was painful to look at with his wide green eyes and strong jaw.

"I never thought you were the type to kick a person while they were down, Bella, but I guess time changes people," he said with a sarcastic tone and smile to match.

"Nope, I'm not here to kick you. I'm here to help," I replied calmly as I motioned towards my bag in front of me. I watched as he eyed the bag cautiously as if I was setting him up for a mob hit. I slowly reached in and pulled out two containers of Ben and Jerry's ice cream with one being what I remembered as his favorite flavor.

"Once I found my high school boyfriend being ridden by a red head and a friend of mine let me cry all night while we ate ice cream in a hotel room together," I said with a slight smile, hoping that he would remember how kind he was after I found Jacob with that girl. I watched recognition flicker through his eyes, but beyond that there was no response.

It was a bold move on my part to bring up the past, especially a portion of the past that really was our start, since it was after that night that things started to change between us slowly. I watched Edward's face closely, he remained emotionless as he sat there watching me with his bottomless green eyes.

"For you," I said simply as I handed him a container of Ben and Jerry's Chubby Hubby ice cream. He took hold of the now melting container slowly and then finally the spoon, all without ever touching me, and for that I was thankful.

We sat together and silently started to eat our ice cream. I wanted to know what he was thinking, but I didn't have the nerve to ask him outright. I watched him instead of asking any questions and found him watching me silently as well.

"Why are you here?" he asked me after a long bout of silence between us.

"Because you are my client and because…" I started to say as I sat there realizing how dumb it sounded so I stopped speaking. I looked over at him and found myself falling, just like always, into his green eyes.

"Because what?" he asked me and then took another spoonful of ice cream.

"Because you could use a friend right now," I said simply, hoping that he would not hear the quiver in my voice as I tried to remain confident in my tone, but failed miserably. Edward watched me closely with a critical eye for another moment before he finally looked away and I could breathe again.

"So, what are you thinking?" he asked me in a cautious tone that made me cringe a little since he sounded a little lost.

"Well, I think that we can use this to your benefit, but don't get too excited since the finding of a hotel room only shows that she rented one, not that she was doing anything in it with any one," I replied as I sat down my carton, relieved that we could just get down to the business at hand of his divorce.

"I have Demetri working on it so maybe we can come up with who it was she was meeting since she had to be meeting someone there," I continued on in a authorative tone as I turned to face him better only to find him staring at me in shock.

"I'm sorry…" I said, unsure as to why he was looking at me as if I had hurt him somehow.

"No, no big deal," he mumbled as he ran a hand over his face slowly like he was trying to clear his mind. I sat there watching him as my ice cream melt in the container in my hands, unsure of what to say since no matter what I said it seemed wrong.

"I am sorry about you and Jess," I managed to say as he started to shake his head at my words.

"I mean, I only ever wanted you to be happy, Edward," I stuttered as I struggled to find something comforting to say to him over the demise of his marriage, but there was nothing for me to say. He knew how I felt about his marriage, because I had told him over and over again what I had thought about it at the time.

Edward looked at me with his sharp green eyes as if he was searching mine to see if I was telling the truth. I held his graze for as long as I could since I needed him to know that it was true, that I had only wanted him to be happy.

"Were you happy?" he asked me, surprising me with his odd question.

"Happy about what?" I asked as I watched him shift his gaze away from mine slowly.

"In California?" he asked me quietly as if he was unsure about his own question.

"I…uh, I worked a lot, but I liked it there, so yeah, I was happy, I guess," I replied simply as he nodded his head as I spoke without looking at me.

We remained silent for a while as we both picked at our ice cream slowly. I hated that it was like this. I hated that I could not trust myself to talk around him. I hated that we were left with awkward moments and three years worth of nothing with each other. I hated that in the mess that we had become I had I lost my friend.

"Edward, I want…" I started to say in stammering manner that made his eyes dart to meet mine as I struggled for words. I could feel his eyes on my face as I avoided looking at him. I could not look at him as I confessed to missing him and his friendship. I could not look at him as I revealed this weakness in me. I could not look at him as I exposed my fragile heart to him once more.

"I…uh, I …" I stammered as I felt his eyes bore into me, waiting on my words.

"Me, too," he said simply as if he understood what I was trying and failing to say, but there was no way he could since even I was not sure what I was going to say. How could I explain to him that I had missed what we had? It was an impossible situation.

We sat in silence as the air around us suffocated me. I would glance over at Edward every once in a while only to find him watching me as well. It made me nervous and yet I found his constant attention comforting since that was how it used to be as well.

"I have to go, but I wanted to stop by and make sure you were ok," I managed to say as the words stuck in my throat.

"I am supposed to have lunch with Demetri tomorrow, will you be there?" he asked me as he moved suddenly, startling me with how quickly he turned towards me.

"Uh, yeah, I will be there," I said with a nod of my head as we sat there, uncomfortable together. I slowly stood up and left Edward behind to tuck my ice cream in his freezer while tossing the spoon in the sink.

"I put my ice cream in the freezer," I announced lamely to him as I walked back into the room to find Edward sitting there with his head in his hands. He sat up abruptly at the sound of my voice as if I had startled him.

Edward nodded his head at my words, but he looked like he was a million miles away as I slowly made my way towards the door. He stood up and grabbed his shoes as I stepped closer towards the door.

"Wait, it's late so let me walk you out," he said as I moved to open the door.

"No, really, it's ok," I stammered as I tried to make my escape from him.

"Stop being difficult, Bella, and just let me do this," he said in a firm tone that made me shake my head at him as I waited for him to slip on a jacket. This was the Edward that I remembered, the one that made demands and insisted on walking me everywhere.

"Really, Edward, I will be fine," I managed to say as I watched him grab his jacket finally.

"I am sure you would be, but I could not live with myself if something happened to you and I wasn't there to stop it, so humor me, ok?" he asked me as he looked at me with eyes so honest and green that they seemed to glow for me. I felt my instant reaction to his eyes upon me as a heated flush raced through me, making me blush in embarrassment over my reaction.

I waited while Edward opened his door for me and then we walked out into his hallway together in the awkward silence that always surrounded us now. I waited against the wall, watching his lanky frame as he struggled with the lock on the door before turning back to me. His face had a serious look as his eyes met mine and then he motioned for me to walk.

We walked without speaking to where I had parked in the garage. Edward waited as I fumbled to get my keys out of my purse nervous, because he was watching me. He waited as I unlocked the door and then watched as I got inside. I waved him off as I started the car, but he remained there until I drove off safely.

It was moments like this that would hurt my heart since it showed me that he was still the Edward I had loved with his overprotective reactions. I shook my head as images of Edward walking me home from the library in the dark filled my mind.

I had made it back to my hotel room and had finally fallen into bed when my phone alerted me of a text.

_You never called to say you made it back safely, so I am assuming you have._

It was from Edward. I had to laugh at it since this was just so typical of the Edward I had known. The one who needed to know I was safe before he could sleep at night, the one who used to come over in the middle of the night to check on me until I changed the locks on him.

_I'm fine, so stop worrying. Thank you-B_

I snuggled back under the covers and as I thought about Edward. I remembered how warm and hard he felt against me, causing me to sigh. I had missed our connection and tonight just exposed that, but I should have never have allowed myself to get that close.

I had no doubt that Jess' attorney would have him followed just like we are looking at Jess. I had no doubt in my mind that Edward's life would be scrutinized for any chance of his misdoings against Jess while they were married and I had jeopardized it all by allowing him to be that close. I wanted to blame the beer I had drunk, but I knew better since it was all me. My stupidity may cost him and I hated that. I was good at my job and the thought of wrecking it all over one simple act was crushing. Demetri was right; I was stupid when it came to Edward. Without another thought I grabbed my phone off the night stand beside me in the dark to send him a text.

_Sorry about tonight at Emmett's place-B_

It was bold of me to address the near kiss since I had seen him earlier and neither one of us made a mention of it, but I needed him to know that I was sorry. I would never want to jeopardize his case or him like that.

I snuggled back into the covers, satisfied that I had some what corrected my wrongs from that night as best as I could. I closed my eyes and slowly started to drift off to an uneasy sleep after a tiresome night.

I was just there on the edge of sleep when my phone buzzed announcing a text waiting for me. I grasped the phone and read;

_I am not-E._

Edward wasn't sorry. He wasn't sorry that he almost kissed me. I should not have been surprised by his text since I had never known Edward to be sorry for to just sat my phone beside my pillow before slowly willing myself into sleep.

_AN:_

_Thanks for reading and reviewing! A special thanks Icarustosun for being so damn awesome! Love you babe!_

_I was able to post my one shot story Consequences to my profile page. I am proud to say that it came in second place in the people choice award for the Behind the Lyrics Contest. I do plan on turning it into a multi chapter fic as well._

_Hugs,_

_Mamasutra_


	31. Chapter 31

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

BPOV

The morning came bright and unwelcoming as I slowly awoke to the new day. I laid there for a moment sorting through what I needed to get done today before I even bothered to move. I was lost in those thoughts when my phone started to ring.

"Hello?" I mumbled into the cell as I lay there, wishing that I could just take a day off for a change.

"Hey," I heard Riley's familiar voice whisper into the phone for me. It made my heart clench to hear his voice. I hated it that he was hurting and I hated it even more that I cared about it. It was a tough place to be in since no matter how much I was upset with him I could not hate him any more than I could hate Edward.

"Hey," I replied back simply as I said a silent prayer so that I could make it through this conversation without screaming at him.

"I just needed to hear your voice and know that you are ok," he said softly to me, making my heart hurt.

"Stop it, Riley. I can't do this with you," I said in a tired sigh as I closed my eyes. I could almost see his sad face in my mind.

"Come home and let me fix this. Let me fix us," he whispered to me in a pained tone that made me feel sick.

"Stop it. You knew what I expected and you did as you wanted. You knew how I felt and it didn't matter. I told you I would never be second best again," I stammered as I thought of him with Erin which only amplified the sick feeling I had in my stomach.

"Bella, please?" he said in a sorrowful tone that pissed me off as sat up.

"You know, Riley, I am done. I don't want to hear it anymore so just stop, ok?" I asked him in anger, trying my hardest not to scream at him as I ended my conversation with him.

I threw my phone towards the chair in the room and got up top face the day with anger coursing through my veins. I was mad as hell and not in the mood to deal with anyone.

I showered and dressed for work so I could escape the reality of my own life, but even work was being impossible that day as I was greeted by Ed Sr. midmorning with Marvin Stanley in tow.

"Marv, you remember Bella Swan?" Ed said as I was stopped in the hall by my office with no escape from the men.

"Yes, of course, she was one of Edward's little friends," Marvin said to me as he eyed me in a leering manner that made me ill. I could handle the leering since that was what weak men did in an effort to put women in their place, it was calling me Edward's little friend that pissed me off. I was far from Edward's little friend. I had killed myself with work to advance and I was not about to be demeaned by some asshole.

"I was not Edward's little friend. I was co-lead intern with Edward here before I left for better opportunities than what Ed Sr. could offer," I said in a cold tone that made Marv stand back in shock over my response while Ed Sr. grumbled at me. I was in no mood to be messed with so seeing Marv Stanley and all his condescending smiles were enough to send me over the edge.

"Now, if you will excuse me I have work to do," I said in a confident tone as I skimmed past both men to enter my office.

"She's a feisty one. I like that," I could hear Marv say as I brushed past him, not giving a fuck if it was rude or not any more since I was done with him and his daughter. They both could go to hell as far as I was concerned.

I finally made it into my office and called my assistant Angela to bring her up to speed on what I needed from her today.

"Ang, I need you to run interference today," I said as the tall, dark haired woman walked through the door with a bright smile on her pretty face. Angela had followed me from California, claiming that there was no one else she wanted to work for. I loved her for her loyalty since I was finding that loyalty was more difficult to come by than what I had thought it would be.

"Don't worry, I am on it," Angela said with a determined smile on her face.

"I don't want to see Riley today so keep him out," I said as she nodded her head and made notes on her iPad that I had given her for Christmas.

"He's out of the office today so that should not be a problem," she replied back with a nod as she continued to type without looking at me.

"I have a lunch meeting with Demetri and Edward Cullen. I will not come back after that since I have a meeting with my real estate agent directly afterwards," I continued to dictate as I looked over my schedule while I shook my head for being a bit over booked today. I glanced up at Angela to find her watching me with a sad look as I felt my insides freeze up over her look of pity. She fucking knew about Riley and was waiting to say something about it.

"Ok, whatever it is that you are just dying to say needs to stop now. I don't want to hear it. I don't want advice on men or to listen to how fucked up Riley is, because I don't care. I didn't fuck around on him and I had opportunities, so no matter what you have to say it will not make me feel better, ok?" I asked her as she held back laughter.

"Bella, I was just going to say that he was a fucking idiot and he gets what he deserves from Erin," she said with a laugh as she rolled her eyes before launching into the story of how Erin was pursuing him now that he was free.

"The bitch knew he was with you and didn't care," Ang said with an eye roll that made me snicker as she stood there being more my friend than assistant.

"It doesn't matter, Ang, because you see, it was up to Riley to remember that he was with me, not her," I said as I moved towards my desk to sit down so I could go through my emails.

"Does that mean she will get to keep her job?" she asked me with a disbelieving tone as I looked up from the computer screen.

"Oh, I didn't say that," I replied with a wicked laugh that made Angela snicker as she turned to leave me to my work.

I spent the morning on the phone with Leah Clearwater. She had reviewed Edward's finances for me. She very well maybe the only one who might be able to save Edward's trust before we had to take it before a judge.

"You know, none, of it makes sense," Leah said to me with a puzzled tone as we spoke over the phone.

"What do you mean?" I asked her as I looked at the same documents that she was searching over on line.

"I mean, this girl had no money left and yet they had him sign off on protecting her assets in the event of a divorce," Leah said, sounding distracted as she spoke to me.

"Maybe there are properties in Jess's name?" I offered as Leah hummed into the phone causing me to cringe. I hated it that she hummed when concentrating.

"Maybe. Let me work more on this one," she said simply and then we ended our call.

I glanced at the clock and discovered that I needed to go if I was going to be on time for my lunch meeting with Demetri and Edward. I was not looking forward to breaking the news to Edward that he had been lied to since the beginning concerning Jess's trust, but the silver lining to that lie was that maybe we could use it against her to make the prenup null and void.

I walked out of my office and I could see Ed Sr. talking with Marv Stanley as they stood in the hall. My eyes locked with Marv's and it was then I could see the similarities that he had with his daughter Jess. I could see her blue eyes as I looked at him.

I knew enough about Marv Stanley to know that he was bad news. The man was under federal investigation for illegal banking transactions as well as leaking stock information. These were white collar crimes, but still serious enough for him to see jail time. I watched the two men as they talked like old friends and wondered how in the hell Edward had gotten mixed up in all of that mess with them. I snickered like the rag I was over the idea of Jess dealing with her father in jail since that would be quite the blow to the socialite that she was.

I left the building and as I did my mood did not improve, instead all I could think of was how Marv had called me Edward's little friend. I had tolerated that while I interned at the Cullen Law firm but like hell I was going to take that now, especially from a man who belonged behind bars.

I had just walked inside of Mr. Wang's and was being escorted to the private room where Edward and Demetri were already waiting for me, when my phone started to ring. No one called me any more except Riley so I took a deep breath before answering the phone as I walked into the room as both men looked at me.

"You know, I told you I was done," I said in a cold tone as I listened to Demetri snicker as I approached the table and tossed my satchel and purse down with a heavy thud as I felt Edward's eyes upon me. I was not about to look at him while I spoke to Riley.

"Well, Isabella, I don't care if you are done, I am not," said a deep baritone voice of Ed Sr. on the other end of the call. I was not expecting him and instantly my anger rose as I thought of how he allowed his friend to talk down to me.

"What do you want Ed? I am in no mood for you either so just make this quick," I hissed at him as I sat down and motioned towards Edward, who was watching me, to get me tea. He rolled his eyes at me, but poured me a cup all the same as I took it greedily from his large hands to drink. I felt the burn from his touch as my fingers brushed his softly.

"I am calling to tell you that being rude to our clients is not acceptable and you need to correct your attitude with Mr. Stanley," he said in a stern voice that reminded me of my father when he was lecturing me.

"If he ever refers to me as Edward's little friend again I will knee him so hard that he will have his nuts lodged in the back of his throat for weeks," I yelled at Ed as the two men around me looked shocked by my outburst before Demetri broke out laughing.

"I will remind you that when I was a co-lead intern at the firm, I managed the other interns as well as kept up on case research for some others there. I did all of this on my own while you paraded Edward around like a fucking show pony so he was unavailable to do the actual work," I hissed at him as I watched Edward flinch at my words. He knew what I said was true, even if it was hard to hear. He knew I had been left to do the grunt work while he was a figure head in the lead intern position.

"You will not talk to one of our biggest clients like that," Ed Sr. hissed in anger at me.

"And he will not talk down to me," I countered back as my blood boiled in my veins.

"I think we need to end business ties with the Stanleys as soon as possible," I said in a seething tone as I listened to Ed Sr. laugh at my statement.

"Laugh all you want old man, but Marvin Stanley is going to be in jail for insider trading and I do not want my name associated with that," I hissed at him, causing the line to go silent as the men around the table went silent as well.

"I know you have no heart and that is why you think it is ok for you to continue to kiss that man's ass even though his daughter is attempting to take your grandson to the cleaners, but at least protect the business if you cannot find it in yourself to protect your own," I said to him in a cold tone as I ended my call with him, not giving him the chance to say another word to me. I took a slowly cleansing breath before turning towards the two men watching me carefully.

"Good day at work?" Demetri asked me with a slight smile that made me want to laugh as his brown eyes filled with laughter met mine. Demetri could always defuse a situation for me, but this time his laughter only made me more pissed as I thought about his words from last night.

"I hate it here. I should never have come back. I should have stayed in California," I said softly as I tried to calm down since my anger would do no good at this meeting as I started to rub my forehead as a head ache settled over me. I looked over at Edward who was watching me closely now. I could see the concerning his eyes and that made me shake my head.

"I'm sorry," I mumbled to him as I sighed before taking another sip of the tea he had poured for me.

"What happened?" he asked me as he held my gaze with his bright green one, instantly making me feel warm.

"Nothing worth getting upset about," I replied as I turned away from him to collect my thoughts to begin this meeting. I needed to get Edward's case on track. Our time before a judge was coming quickly and we needed to be prepared for it.

We ordered our food and settled in as Demetri went over what information he had. He recounted how he had handed over Edward's finances to a friend of ours, Leah Clearwater, who was an forensic account, to have life style and spending patterns analyzed like I always did for divorce proceeding. I needed that information at my finger tips in case there was any question regarding lifestyle and money needed as claimed by Jess. It was Leah that discovered the hotel charges going back over the length of their marriage and that wasn't the only thing she uncovered.

"Edward, did you know that Jess' trust was gone?" I asked him as he took a bite of the egg roll. I waited for his response as he chewed rapidly before speaking.

"What do you mean?" he asked me in a muffled tone as he wiped his mouth.

"I mean, her trust fund is gone as in spent. Did you know this?" I asked him as he looked at me with a shocked look on his handsome face that made me want to laugh at him.

"When?" he asked in a shocked voice as he waited for my answer.

"It was gone before the marriage. The contract you signed protecting her trust fund was pointless since there was nothing to protect," I said as I watched him slump back into his chair.

"Did Jess know this?" he asked me in a small voice as he looked away from me. I knew what he was trying to decipher. He couldn't fool me. He was trying to determine if she had married him for his money and everything that Leah uncovered pointed to that possible direction.

"Yeah, we think she knew," I replied as Demetri excused himself, leaving us alone for a moment just like I knew he would. I knew Demetri was hoping that I would comfort Edward like I had done for countless others that discovered that they had been used, but this was Edward. I had not gotten over how he had chosen her over me so the comfort I had for him was icy cold and limited no matter what Demetri expected of me. I should have been the better person I could not seem to find that better person lurking within me. Instead, I found myself fighting that wounded girl inside me that always felt self conscious, the one that took the brunt of the word lashing every time I heard Edward tell me in the past that I was not from his world, but Jess was so she understood him better. That wounded girl inside me wanted to laugh at him and remind him of every time he'd implied that I was interested in his money or his standing in the community, not him, since that was utter bullshit. The damaged girl that still lurked inside me wanted to remind him how he married her so this is what he deserves, but I couldn't do it.

"Uh...ok, she didn't have any money. That would make the prenup null and void," he stammered as he looked at me with a guilty look that made me wonder if he was thinking about the times he'd questioned my motives as well.

"Yes, and we can fight with that knowledge, but we will have to prove that she knew it and was being deceptive while signing the contract to get the prenup tossed out ," I agreed as grabbed my tea once more to take another drink.

"I have Leah looking into it to see if we can find out exactly when she would have been aware of her lack of funds," I continued after I drained the cup and then turned toward the tea pot on the table for another refill. I could feel Edward's eyes upon me as I poured the steaming tea into my cup.

"You are going to eat, right?" he asked me as I looked over at him, surprised by his words.

"I am not all that hungry," I replied with a shrug as I shifted some papers around while he rolled his eyes at me as he sighed loudly. He had always hated how I'd lose my appetite when I was stressed.

"Stop worrying about me and worry about yourself," I replied as I picked at my egg roll just as Demetri entered the room to join us once more.

"Ok, I have a meeting with Caius Salvatore set for tonight," he announced as he sat down.

"Why him?" Edward asked as he looked at Demetri with an uncomfortable look, as if he was hiding something

"Because he called and wanted to meet with Bella, claiming that he knows things about your wife," Demetri said as I pulled out my planner to write down his information for tonight's meeting.

"I don't think you should go," Edward said in a serious tone as I looked over at Demetri who looked as shocked as I felt.

"Why is that?" I asked him while Demetri watched us closely.

"Because he's trouble. He owns a strip club for fucks sake," Edward said in a serious tone. I knew that Mr. Salvatore owned Seattle's largest strip club and was linked to prostitution, but that did not deter me. I had dealt with people like him before.

"Yeah, and he's your wife's best friend's husband so if he has information that he is willing to share that may help the case then I need to speak with him," I responded with a smile as he shook his head at me while muttering under his breath.

"Calm down, Felix and I are going with her so it will be fine," Demetri said as he looked at Edward with a teasing smile that I knew all too well.

"You know, how do you think she managed without you for three years?" he teased Edward, causing him to clench his jaw as if he was holding back words.

"I don't even want to know," he replied back in a stiff tone that sounded like more of a whisper before he grabbed his cup of tea to drink.

I took that moment to steel myself for my next question for Edward, especially since I was not sure if I wanted to know the truth.

"Edward, I have to ask, just as Demetri is looking into Jess's life, your life will be investigated as well. I need to know in advance if there is anything that we should be aware of," I asked him in a polite tone as a sick feeling settled over me since I did not want to hear about the other women he had been with since me. I looked into his green eyes and could see the confusion as he watched me fidget in front of him.

"What are you talking about?" he asked me with an irritated tone that made me smile at his reaction, while dying inside.

"I need to know about the other women," I said simply as I held his gaze. I may not have wanted to know about the other women he had bedded, but it was now my job to know this.

"There has been no one," he said simply as he looked at me in a challenging manner as if he was offended by my questions.

"It will come out. The truth always does," I said with a steady tone as I looked into his bright green eyes.

"There's been no one since you," he replied back with a knowing look as he looked into my eyes, daring me to dispute him.

"I didn't find anything either, outside of his slightly unhealthy attachment to you, he's been a good boy," Demetri confirmed as Edward and I looked at each other.

"Ok," I stuttered slowly as Demetri took over detailing what we would do that night as far as meeting Mr. Salvatore. I could feel Edward's gaze on me as I agreed to let Felix drive us to the strip club. I was not looking forward to tonight since I hated strip clubs. They were always dark, and shady no matter how upscale they claimed to be.

"I'm coming with you tonight," Edward announced with a firm tone that caused both Demetri and I to stop mid conversation and stare at him in disbelief.

"No, man, you can't. This guy wants to talk to Bella, not you," Demetri said as he attempted to reason with Edward, but I could see that determined look in his green eyes.

"Edward, you can't. I need you to stay behind; if you like, we can see you later tonight after I meet with him," I offered as a solution since he seemed so dead set on going with us.

"Bella, you don't understand. This guy is an asshole, he's dirty and it's just not safe," Edward stammered as he brought his hand up to grip his hair slightly in frustration. This was the Edward I remembered, the one who worried constantly about where I was going and what I was going to do while I was there. I wondered how he managed to live without attempting to control my life while we were apart for the past three years.

"I know that he's not the nicest guy, but you let your wife around him so he can't be all that bad," I said with a sweet smile that made him shake his head at me.

"Edward, I am not some naïve little girl fresh from the logging town any more. I know what I am doing so stop worrying, ok?" I said in a strong tone that made him give me a soft smile that had always been one of my favorites of his.

"I have lived three years without your controlling tendencies and managed to survive, so I think I will be just fine," I said as he smiled and shook his head at me.

"I know you have, but that never stopped me from worrying about you," he said simply as Demetri interrupted us.

"Yeah, and the stupidest things she ever did always involved you, so I can see why you're worried, but I promise you that Felix and I will take good care of her," Demetri said as he tried to wrap up our conversation quickly.

"Just meet us later tonight. I will text you later when we are done," De said without looking up from his phone as he checked his text messages.

"Ok," Edward finally agreed begrudgingly, as he looked at me closely once more, as if I was going to suggest that he come along with us.

The rest of the lunch was spent talking over meaningless topics like the weather and what was going on at the office. They were safe topics after what had occurred over the last couple of days.

We all stood up to leave after I announced that I needed to go to meet with my real estate agent.

"Ok, have fun and I will pick you up at eight, ok?" Demetri called to me as I started to walk out.

"Sure," I called as he turned to look back at me with a teasing smile.

"Wear something skanky so you can fit in," Demetri said and then laughed as I gave him the finger as he walked away. That was De and I. He always had to have the last word and typically it was one that was meant to piss me off.

I turned toward Edward to say my good-bye and found him watching me with such a serious look on his handsome face. I hated that he looked at me like that since it was too much, just like how it was years ago when he used to spend his time worrying about me. My mind went back to what De had said and much to my dismay, I realized he was right.

I had loved driving Edward crazy. I had loved watching him freak out as I flirted with other men. I had loved pushing him to respond to me and he always gave a great response that ended with mind blowing, heated sex. It was wrong and I found myself feeling shockingly guilty as I looked at him.

"Stop worrying. It will be fine tonight," I managed to say as guilt coursed though me.

"I am not worried about tonight, I'm worried about you," he said simply as he looked at me with his eyes shining bright with honesty. Edward's eyes would light up grass green when he was being honest.

My stomach clenched at his words as I stammered in front of him.

"This has to be done, Edward. If there was another way I would do it, but there is not and Demetri will be with me, so stop it, ok?" I said as he stood there nodding his head at me.

"Yeah, I know, but just…" he said with a shake of his head as he looked at me once more.

"Just what?" I asked him as he looked at me with a guarded look on his face.

"Just be safe," he said in almost a whisper and then touched my arm lightly causing the electricity to zing through me before he turned to leave me standing there alone in the empty room.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading my simple story : ) **

**A special thanks to IcarusToSun for her mad beta skills and tolerating my insanity.**

**Let's see….. I wanted to give a shout out to the blog since we have another writer showcased for the month of April. Grownasswoman has taken the time to answer some questions concerning her great fic **_**All at Once.**_** If you loved her fic come check out what she has to say about it. Here's the link;**

**http (:/) angst-thenewfluff (.) blogspot (.) com/**

**If the link does not come through the main link is on my profile page along with a link to a blog that I will post random things on there like the progress I am making on my updates as well as what I might be having for dinner. Sounds exciting, huh? : )**

**I am not sure what to rec since it is pretty much the same as before, so if you have any rec's for me I would love to see them.**

**I am signed up for Fandom Fights Tsunami and am not sure what to write so if you have any ideas please send them my way since I am drawing a blank over it. I also signed up for the Fandom for Sexual Assault Awareness. I am going to wrote an EPOV for my other story **_**Lingering Shadows **_** since I do not have an EPOV set for that story until maybe the epi, I think. **

**Not much else since I will be off to read the **_**City of Fallen Angels **_**by Cassandra Clare. I love that series so if you are a reader of The Mortal Instrument Series let me know & we can talk : )**

**Until next time….**

**Take care,**

**Mamasutra**

**xxoo**


	32. Chapter 32

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

EPOV

I walked out on Bella, leaving her behind in the restaurant as I made my escape. I did not like that she was going to a strip club tonight even if it meant that she might find something to help my case. Strip clubs were seedy and Caius Salvatore's club was no different than others, hell he was no different than other mobsters wannabe, but he was married to Lauren, Jess's friend which meant I knew him as well.

I wondered what he had to share since as far as I was aware he knew nothing about Jess and our life. I wanted to be concerned about whom it was that my wife was sleeping with, but I could not bring myself to really care about it since I knew I had caused it. I had been a horrible boyfriend and that carried into being a horrible husband. There were no excuses I could give to make up for the fact that I had caused all of this. I had caused everything with Bella and Jess just by being the selfish asshole that I was. I had created this cluster fuck and I was sure that only I could correct it, but how exactly I was going to do that I was unsure.

I walked back to my office as the light rain fell upon me. I glanced over at the glass and prestige that was the Cullen Law Firm as it sat from across the street, knowing that sometime I would have to man up and go inside to retrieve my belongings since I was not ever going back there to work, but today would not be that day. Today I had other things that needed my attention.

I entered the building that housed my new office and then unlocked the door to be greeted by silence. My mind was racing around the idea of Jess and money. If she married me for money then I was more of an asshole than I had even thought. I had caught Bella's eye when she told me that Jess had no money left in her trust fund. She looked at me with such fury in her eyes and it was then that I realized that having her as my attorney was such a horrible idea.

Bella was too close to the situation. She knew too much; hell, how could she not since she was in the middle of it as it all began. It was unfair of me or my unsuspecting mother to ask; demand from her that she represent me. It was cruel really, but I guess she was used to that from me.

I sat down and instantly thought of my last months with her before she disappeared without a trace from my life. I could not help but to cringe as I thought back to my behavior towards her. We had reached a frenzied state of fucking and fighting at the end of it. She'd push and I'd pull back. I refused to let her go and she fought me at every step, but that was Bella. She fought for me, for us, for her, and all I could do was pull her close with the idea that I could have it all. I could have the doting wife and the image of perfection that was demanded for me as well as the girl who ruled my world with an iron fist. I was arrogant and selfish. I was horrible and looking back it was embarrassing as well. I didn't deserve Bella in any capacity of what could be called our relationship, let alone as my attorney.

I sat at my desk, lost in thought, as my mind trailed back in time from Bella to Jess. It would be a bitter pill to swallow if Jess had only married me for money, but then again I married her to further what I considered my empire, so I guess it would only be fair. What I didn't understand was how Bella was not doubled over on the floor of Mr. Wang's, laughing at me and my arrogant stupidity. I knew I would have rubbed her face in the mess if I had been her. I would have mocked and cackled in laughter, but Bella was always a better person than I could ever dream of being. She always understood more than I ever gave her credit for and looking back, maybe she knew before I even married Jess that something was off with my relationship besides the fact that I had a girlfriend on the side. My mind trailed back to a memory of my time with Bella right before my marriage. We had fallen into a cycle of fighting and Bella would not back down from me. She was fierce and fiery; it only made me want her more. She was pulling away and I fought her every step of the way, as I insisted on keeping her, no matter the cost. We had fought as usual that afternoon, screaming at each other, until finally it morphed into harsh, passionate kisses meant to burn and claim the other person before fucking on her couch like uncivilized ruffians. It was a memory that had looped through my mind over and over again during my three years of marriage, since it was the first time I'd ever been forced into wondering about Jess and her intentions.

_I sat there, spent, burned to ash, as I always was after fucking Bella like a wild animal. I held Bella close to me, refusing to give her an inch of space between our skin like she had wanted, as my chest pressed into her back, pinning her to the couch as she gasped for air like I did in the aftermath of our frenzied fucking. Her skin was hot and sweaty, and yet it burned into mine as I rested, still nestled inside of her._

_ I was tired of arguing with her. I was tired of her verbal jabs at me. I was tired of her trying to replace me. I was just so fucking tired of it all. I pressed my forehead into her back as I breathed in the scent that was only Bella. It was flowery and musky from our sweat and sex. It was perfect and the only thing that ever seemed to calm me anymore as my world spun more out of control as each day passed._

_ I moved slightly and as I did Bella tensed beneath me. I knew I was moments away from her demanding that I move off of her. This had been the start of our fight this afternoon to begin with, the fact that Bella claimed I had no right to touch her any more, of course I had proved her wrong, I thought with a satisfied smirk. I had kissed and then fucked her into submission while telling her she was mine and always would be. _

_ Bella shifted once more wordlessly and then we both jumped in surprise as my phone went off in a shrill tone. It was Jess. It was only ever Jess that called me any more since most of my friends were too busy with their own life to look into mine._

_ I moved off of Bella slowly, even though the phone continued to ring, taunting me as I looked around for my phone in the disaster of scattered paper and books that always seemed to surround us in the wake of our coming together these days._

_ I found my phone as it reached its last couple of rings before rolling the call over to my voice mail._

_ "Hello," I said simply as I sat back on the couch since Bella had moved, allowing me the space to sit since she was now sitting up as well. I hated how awkward these calls were as guilt coursed through me. I was fucking everything up and I knew it._

_ "Hey Eddie, sorry to call, but I wanted to let you know that I was going out with Lauren, so don't wait up for me tonight," Jess said in such a bright tone that hurt my head to hear._

_ "Ok, well, have fun," I replied lamely as I struggled to maintain some sort of normalcy with my conversation with her as my mind imagined what Jess would really say if she knew I was sitting here naked and spent from fucking Bella. I could almost hear her harsh words and profanities over shadowing what she was really saying to me._

_ "Don't study too much and tell Bella hello from me," she said in a happy tone that made me cringe as I glanced over at Bella. She was curled into a ball with her knees tucked in and her chin resting on them. I didn't want to look at her face, since typically when I would receive a call from Jess while we were together, it would lead her to crying or to a pained look on her face, so I did not even look at her as I spoke to Jess._

"_Love you," she said to me in a sing-songy tone that made me want to roll my eyes since it seemed too childish to me._

_ "Love you, too," I replied without thinking about the words I said or what they even meant any more since I had been saying them to her since I was seventeen. They were just meaningless to me now, just something I'd say at the end of phone calls without any feelings attached to them. _

_I ended the call and sat there, feeling the heaviness in the room while I waited for her tears to start, but instead as I looked over at Bella to gauge her reaction, I found her shaking her head as if in disbelief while muttering to herself._

_ I watched her stand up while appreciating her naked form, and as she did she started to laugh. It was a loud laugh as if she could not keep it in any longer._

_ "What's so damn funny?" I asked her with irritation in my tone as I started to wonder if Bella had finally lost her mind in the fucked up mess we had created between us._

_ "You, that's what's funny, you're a fucking joke!" she nearly exclaimed at me as she started to laugh again. I felt fury rise inside me as I watched her standing there, laughing at me. Bella always knew exactly what to say to cut me to the quick with her words and she was doing that all the time now._

_ "I'm the joke? What about you?" I asked her in an icy tone that only made her laugh harder as she kicked at some of the papers that littered her apartment floor, looking for panties I assumed._

_ "Oh, I know that, but we are talking about you and you are worse than me so that is funny as hell," she said with a laugh that made me want to grab her and shake her until her laughter stopped, but I fought the urge as she continued to laugh at me._

"_You don't get it, do you?" she asked me mockingly as she eyed me with an evil glimmer in her deep brown eyes. I refused to respond to her taunting so I remained silent as I watched her stand before me, naked yet somehow still proud._

_ "You don't love her and that makes you a joke. Or I should a say a puppet?" she asked me and then broke out into another bout of laughter that caused my blood to boil. She knew that I hated being called a puppet for Grandpa like the other interns, Newton and Biers, called me. She knew it and yet that was what she had chosen to mock me with._

_ "Fuck you," I replied in a hiss as I shook in anger over her words._

_ "Oh, you've done that and I have that marks to show for it," she said with a broad sweep of her hands over her body. My eyes scanned over her skin, searching for whatever marks she spoke of, ready to call her out on her bullshit, but instead I found red marks on her hips that would turn into finger tip bruises from where I had held her too tight as well as a love bite on her collar bone from where I had nipped at her. I had marked her and instead of feeling some sense of fucked up pride for marking her as mine, I felt nothing but sick inside. I hated it when she was right._

_ "You don't love her," Bella said with a slight sinister laugh that pulled me back into the conversation at hand with her._

_ "If you loved her, you wouldn't be here with me," she said with a dark laugh as she shook her head at me as if I was the one with issues, before she slipped her t-shirt over her head, covering the marks upon her body that I had made while claiming her, punishing her for being mine. I shook my head no since I could not find my words to dispute her while she laughed at me like she had lost her fucking mind._

_ "Ok, then leave and don't come back. Don't call me or come around anymore since we are done here anyway," she said with such a dismissive tone as she slipped on her jeans without her panties, since they still were missing in the chaotic mess that we had created by clearing off the table where we studying when our argument started._

_ I felt panic settle over me at her words. The idea of never coming back to her or never speaking to her again made my chest ache with anxiety as my heart pounded out an uneven rhythm. The thought of never touching her soft skin or kissing her coffee flavored lips again tore at my sanity as well as the idea of never laughing with her again, not that we laughed together anymore._

_ "It's ok Edward, she probably doesn't love you either," Bella said in a mocking tone as I sat there, silent, seething from anger and hurt._

_ "Otherwise she would be more concerned about all the time we spend together and all the scratches you come home with," Bella said with a dark snicker as she motioned towards my own battle wounds from this afternoon's 'study time'._

_ "I told you…" I started to say in a tired tone as I prepared to remind her that Jess was very secure and never viewed Bella as a threat, hell she even liked Bella well enough._

_ "Oh, yes, I know. Jess is very secure and I am not a threat, blah, blah," she said mockingly as she rolled her eyes at me and then tossed my boxers in my face, motioning for me to get dressed as she stood there with a sneer on her lovely face that made my blood run cold inside. I hated seeing her like this, so angry all the time._

_ "It's all bullshit. A woman, any woman, would be suspicious of any other woman spending that much time with their man, so that tells us two things, Edward," she said in a sarcastic tone as she tossed my t-shirt at me with a bright smile while her eyes showed fury burning in them._

_ "For starters, you know nothing about women, which is something I had suspected before and two, she does not give a shit about you since otherwise she would be upset over our so called study dates together," Bella said with a laugh as she tossed my jeans at me with a hard throw so they landed in my face._

I remembered that conversation from that day and thought of it randomly throughout my marriage. At the time, when Bella said such vicious words of accusation about Jess and myself I chalked it up to her hurt and anger, but looking back now, she was right and I was, wrong.

I had fucked up, and in the process of it all, I had over-looked the idea that maybe Jess was using me a little bit just like I was using her. The idea of it hurt me even though it shouldn't have since I had done the same to her. The hurt made me want to call and yell at her, but I didn't since it would not change a damn thing. Instead, I threw myself into work since there was always work that needed to be done, especially since I was on my own now.

Time passed and I had not looked at the clock again until my phone rang, announcing a call from Emmett. I stalled in answering, since I knew what he was going to ask. Tonight was poker at his house. I had been invited to play and honestly, it was the first time he had asked me to join in over a year, but I was not in the mood to be jovial. I was in the mood to go home and get drunk to drown my sorrows of a life wasted.

"Hey Em, what's going on?" I asked as I sighed into the phone with resignation over my fucked up life.

"You're coming tonight, right?" he asked me with a hopeful tone that made him sound very young. I laughed a little at his excitement before agreeing that I would be there, even though I did not plan on staying long, as I would be meeting Bella later on. I ended our call and closed up my office with a heavy sigh as I walked out into the darkening night.

I managed to make it to my car just as the rain started and then finally home where I sat, pondering why I should even bother to show up at Emmett's tonight. I was not in the mood for his poker party and I knew I would not be the best company since anxiety had already settled over me concerning Bella going to the strip club tonight.

I knew Demetri and Felix were with her and while I tried to remember that they would try to keep her safe, I also knew Bella better than most, or at least I did at one time. I knew that she would not hesitate to risk herself if it meant that she was able to get some information. This was the Bella I knew and I can't imagine that she would change all that much over a three year span of time. The last thing I wanted was for her to risk herself over me and my costly mistakes. I was lost in those thoughts when I first heard the noise outside of my apartment.

The pounding on my apartment door pulled me out of my thoughts at a startling rate. No one had buzzed to be let in, but that did not mean that a neighbor would not have let someone into the building as they left. I had no idea who it was and yet there was the small part of me that hoped like hell that it was Bella at my door once more. I knew it was a pointless wish, but I wanted it all the same.

I opened the door with hesitation as I discovered who was waiting for me on the other side. He was the last person I had expected, but knowing him I was not at all surprised since Riley Biers was not known for his patience.

"What do you want?" I asked him calmly since I could see the fury in his eyes as he looked at me. He stood tall and tried to intimidate me by puffing out his chest, posturing like a damn fool.

"I need to talk to you," Biers said in an ice cold voice as he clenched and unclenched his hands at his side as if it was taking everything he had not to punch me in the face. I was not in the mood to deal with him or his insanity, but it appeared that I would have no choice in the matter. I stepped aside and motioned for him to come in.

"How did you know where to find me?" I asked him as he stepped inside and stopped immediately while looking around. I had forgotten that Riley had been to Bella's apartment during study group sessions and I was sure he was here to help her move out.

"It wasn't that hard to find you when you have some resources available," he said slowly as he looked around as if he was taking in the apartment piece by piece.

"Why are you living here?" he asked with a flash of temper that made me want to laugh at him. Biers was always one for all flash and no action when it came to his temper.

"Because I needed a place to live, not that it matters to you. What do you want?" I asked him simply as I stepped past him and walked into my kitchen, leaving him alone and standing there in the hallway.

I grabbed a beer for myself as well as one for him from the fridge before walking back into the front room. When I returned, I found him standing there stewing in his own anger. I offered him the beer, but he just shook his head in refusal like a dick.

"I am here to tell you to stop screwing with Bella's head. She doesn't need it right now and I won't let you just come back into her life only to fuck with her," Riley said in a somewhat menacing fashion. I knew I should be offended, but I was really just surprised by his statement.

"Do you think I am around her just to mess with her mind?" I asked him in disbelief as he stood there, waiting for my response, while giving nothing away except for his anger.

"I know you and you just can't leave her alone," he said with an angry tone that made me roll my eyes.

"I can't leave her alone?" I questioned him as he stood there, vibrating with anger, but remaining silent.

"Does Bella know you are here?" I asked him and then watched as his face slipped into what could be discomfort for a moment. I knew that Bella would never send him here. She took her job seriously and to her, I was no longer a friend, I was a client, so she would never allow Riley to interfere with that.

"Listen and listen well. Bella is my attorney and there is nothing you can do about that," I said as he opened his mouth to speak, but I cut him off as I spoke over him.

"Your mess is your fault, not mine, so stop blaming me," I said as I moved towards the door.

"Now, get out," I finished as I reached behind him to open the door so he could leave me alone, but instead he just stood there, looking at me as if he was evaluating me.

"You want her back," he said simply, like he was stating a fact and he was. I did want her back.

"I never wanted her gone," I replied with a slight smile since there was no use in lying to the man; I knew he could see the truth in me. He could see my desperation for her since he knew what that felt like as well.

"She's not yours anymore," Riley said to me with an evil grin that was meant to taunt me as he tried to remind me of my place. I knew my place. I knew I had lost Bella. I knew that I did not deserve her, but I was not about to let him goad me with that information.

"Maybe," I replied slowly, as I nodded my head at him while his smart ass grin became bigger with my acknowledgement of my loss.

"But she was never yours at all, was she?" I asked him in a mocking manner as I grinned at him. My words set him off like a roman candle as his fists came up swinging, connecting with my eye, blinding me for a moment as I staggered backwards as he stepped closer to hit me again.

I found my balance and my vision as I managed to punch him in the face, connecting with his big mouth that needed to be shut before I felt someone pull as apart.

"What the fuck is going on here?" a loud voice demanded as I stepped back, startled by the sudden presence of another guy.

I looked with my one good eye to discover it was Felix Biers that was yelling while holding on to Riley while Demetri had a hold on me.

"Get out!" I yelled at Riley as Felix slowly let him go with the promise that there would be no more fighting. I watched him wipe at his bleeding lip while scowling at me before turning to leave as Demetri told him he was not helping himself by being a dick, which only made me laugh loudly.

"You need to shut the fuck up too, you know," he said as he turned towards me with a dirty look.

"Do you have any idea how this will look?" he yelled at me while Riley gave me the finger before leaving silently.

"Jesus, Edward, use your head!" he yelled at me, shaking his head in disbelief, while Felix followed Riley out wordlessly. I had no words for explanation so I said nothing.

"You can explain this to Bella, not me," he said, then shoved me out of the way as he walked inside while muttering about my questionable intelligence under his breath.

"What are you doing here?" I asked him as I watched him look around.

"Besides, saving your ass?" he asked me with a laugh as I gave him the finger since my one eye was swelling so I could not properly roll my eyes at him.

"I had to stop by to the see the shrine. I mean, Bella told me about it, but I had to see it for myself," he said with a teasing laugh as he motioned around him as I stood there, embarrassed as hell for him to see how tightly I clung to what was left of Bella in my life after she left.

"Wow, this is…" he said and then paused as if he was looking for the right words.

"Awkward?" I offered up as I closed the door, but was stopped as Felix appeared.

"No, I was going to say sad, but I guess awkward works too," Demetri said as he continued to look around wide eyed as I stood there, feeling very foolish. Suddenly, he looked back at me with his wise brown eyes.

"It's cool man," he said in a simple tone, as if he understood why I had this place, why I needed that connection with her and hell, maybe he did. Demetri always understood my obsession over Bella, maybe it was because he too could see how amazing she was.

"I wanted to stop by to ask if there was anything we should be aware of concerning that club before we showed up," he asked me as he walked off to the kitchen, leaving me standing there.

"No, not that I can think of, but I never really went there, so I am not the best person to ask," I replied as he emerged with a bag of ice in his hands.

"Put this over your eye. Bella is going to shit a brick when she sees you," Demetri said as he handed me the bag of ice with a smile that made me laugh as well.

I took the ice and we all sat down. I told him every-thing knew about the club, which admittedly was not much. I told him about any interaction I would have had with Caius Salvatore as well as his wife, Lauren.

"I'll call you later after we're done there," Demetri said as he stepped towards the door with Felix in tow. Felix was silent as always and then with a nod from both they left to get Bella while arguing over who would tell her about the minor fist fight I had with Riley.

I closed the door behind them and sat down on the couch as I considered calling Bella before finally deciding not to since I had no idea what I would say to her anyway. Instead, I got dressed for poker since I had made a promise to Emmett and the new man in me kept my promises to family and friends even when I didn't want to, plus I knew it would help keep my mind off of Bella until I saw her again.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading! Special thanks goes out to IcarusToSun for being so great & just being a good friend. Hugs to you Parama!**

**I have been busy with RL so I do not have any rec's other than the ones I have been reading and listing in the past so go take a look at my previous AN's for some suggestions. **

**You are welcome to follow me on Twitter. I am mamasutra73, but I will warn you in advance that I am VERY boring.**

**Until next time….**

**Take care,**

**Mamasutra**


	33. Chapter 33

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

EPOV

I took a look in the mirror before leaving for Emmett's. Demetri was acting like the bruising would be horrible, but really it wasn't so bad. Sure, my eye was swollen, but overall it wasn't bad. I snickered to myself as I reminded myself that next time I saw Biers I would let him know that he hits like a fucking girl and that Bella has hit me harder than that.

Bella. She was going to be pissed since we had a meeting with Jess and her attorney this week in a last ditch effort to avoid going before a judge, so showing up looking like I had been in a bar fight would not help me at all. It would only add to Jess's claim that I was irrational, which was just one more she was right about.

I left the apartment and made it over to Emmett's house being just barely late, knowing how much he hated it when people weren't on time. The man was chronically punctual. He could not even stand the idea of being late to any event, so to deal with others' tardiness drove him insane.

I parked the car and as I did I noticed my father's Mercedes parked here as well. I had always known that Dad was invited while I was not and it never hurt my feelings before, but now I felt slightly upset over being left out. I knew Emmett had his reasons that mostly centered on Rose's hatred of me, but I would have thought that my dad would have said something about it, but I guess not.

I shook off that gloom that came with thinking of being left out as I knocked on Emmett's front door to announce my arrival.

"When I tell you seven, I mean seven," I heard him call to me with irritation as he opened the door to face me, only to have him stand there in shock as he looked at my swollen and bruised eye.

"What the hell happened to you?" he demanded as I stood there looking at him, questioning if he would let me come inside.

"I just had an interesting conversation with Riley Biers," I replied back in a dry tone that made him laugh at me loudly, just like I knew he would. Emmett loved to laugh, especially at me.

"Well, who knew the fucker was going to make good on his promise to wreck your pretty face," Emmett said with a snicker as I rolled my one good eye at him since my other eye was too swollen to tell that I was rolling it at him.

"Wait, when did he promise that?" I asked him as Em stepped aside, allowing me to enter his house before slapping me on the back good naturedly.

"I think it was during the first visit I was allowed to see Bella after you and her went your own ways," Emmett said in a thoughtful tone as I looked at him funny. I had no idea that Bella kept him away after she moved.

"I didn't know Bella wouldn't let you…" I started to stammer as I looked at him, waiting for his smart ass comments concerning not being allowed near Bella.

"I understood. I was just too close to you and she couldn't have that at first, not after how everything happened," Emmett said thoughtfully as he looked at me with a serious look on his face that surprised me.

"After a while she was ok with me coming along for a visit and it didn't take her too long not to avoid me, so it all was good," he finished with a shrug as if it was nothing, but I knew better. I knew my brother well enough that it had to hurt him that he was banned from seeing Bella. She had been a friend, and a good friend at that. I could only imagine how badly Bella was hurt by me if seeing my brother was too much to bear at that time. The thought of the pain that she must have gone through killed me inside. I knew that it also had to be part of this hurt that kept Emmett's anger burning at me for the three years that we barely spoke.

"I'm sorry, man," I managed to stutter out as he looked at me and shrugged again as if my words were nothing.

"Don't apologize to me, apologize to Bella," he said simply and then motioned for me to follow him. I could hear the loud voices and rauctious laughter coming from the kitchen, telling me that whoever he had invited were here and waiting on me as well.

"Look who finally showed up!" Emmett yelled as I walked in through the door, causing the men at the table to go silent as they looked at my roughed up face. I glanced around and found my dad, along with some men that worked at the school with Emmett that I casually knew as Peter Stevens and Jason Jenks. I gave them all a smile and hello as I sat down while they all continued to stare at my black eye.

"What happened to you?" my dad asked as he looked over at me with concern, but I just shook my head and waved him off. It would be too long of an explanation to tell him why Biers hit me so it was best to say nothing and just wave it off. Emmett could see that I was struggling with dad over it and quickly stepped in to get more drinks for everyone while swiftly changing the topic of conversation for me. I glanced in his direction to catch Emmett give me a sly smile that made me shake my pounding head at him. Yes, I owed him now.

The night wore on and as it did I thought of Bella. It was after nine so I was sure that she was at The Gentleman's Club by now. The name The Gentleman's Club had always made me laugh since there were anything but gentlemen there on any given night of the week, so the idea of Bella being in the middle of all of that made me slightly ill.

I wondered what she thought of the life I had made without her. It was pretty obvious that I did not have much of a life since she'd left, but that did not stop me from wondering what she thought of it. Did she think that I squandered my opportunity? Was she as disappointed in me as everyone else seemed to be?

I was consumed with my thoughts of Bella and how her night was going. This lack of concentration was causing me to lose hand after hand, making me the butt of the jokes at the table as Peter and Jason told Emmett that I was fine to join their poker night any time. I smiled and laughed at the teasing, knowing what an absolute loser I had to look like by not being able to focus long enough to win at least one hand.

"Cut the guy some slack," Emmett teased as he looked over at me with his blue eyes shining bright as he smiled at me like the dick he was.

"His attorney is at a strip club without him, so he's a little pissed off," Emmett finished with a laugh leaving it wide open for questions about Bella and why I would even give a damn that she was there.

"I just don't think it's any place for a lady to be," I replied back in as cold of a tone as I could muster while Dad watched our exchange closely.

"Rose went with her," Em replied with a laugh as if his wife's presence was going to make it safe or even ok for Bella to be in the middle of all the men who went there to get off.

"Like I said, it's no place for a lady, but I'm sure Rose will be right at home there," I said with a smirk as I watched my insult settle over his happy go lucky exterior, slowly wiping the dickhead smile off his face until he was scowling at me.

" You should watch your mouth unless you want me to finish what Biers started," he said with a snarl that made me laugh out loud, knowing that what I had said about Rose hit the mark.

"What about Riley Biers?" Dad asked quickly as he saw his opportunity to join in as Emmett announced who punched me.

"It was just a disagreement, Dad, really no big deal," I said in a soothing tone, hoping like hell that this would be enough to cause him to drop the subject, but Emmett had other ideas.

"Yeah, a disagreement over Bella," he said with a dark laugh that made me cringe while Dad looked at me with a questioning look. I hated that fucking look. He had used it on me all the time while growing up as a means to make me confess to whatever crime I was being accused of at home. I hated to let him know now that I was twenty eight and that look did not work anymore.

"Nothing for you to worry about," I said simply as Dad looked me over once more as if he was evaluating my statement. He could go to hell if he thought that I was going to tell him everything that was going on.

"Well, when you get into a fist fight with a partner at _my_ firm over another partner at _my_ firm, I am afraid that it is my concern Edward, so why don't you just say it," Dad said in a caustic tone that made me roll my eyes at him as I looked towards the other men who were watching this father-son scene play out before them.

"Are we playing or what?" I asked them simply and with that the card game moved on, but not before earning a very dirty look from Dad.

The card game was wrapping up just after midnight when we all heard the garage door opening, announcing Rosalie's arrival back home. I sat there, waiting for her to show up, hoping like hell that she had brought Bella back with her since I wanted to see her to make sure she was ok after her night at the strip club.

I watched as the door opened and Rosalie came stumbling inside with Bella's peals of laughter and a grumbling Felix in the back ground. I found myself letting out a loud sigh like a fucking idiot that that I was, just happy to know that she had to be ok if she was laughing.

"You know how much I hate you," I could hear Rose bitching as she turned to look at some one behind her with an evil glare.

"Get inside. You're the one who crashed our party, not the other way around," I could hear Demetri say with a laugh that caused Bella to laugh again. It was a loud laugh that was too giggly that told me she had been drinking.

I watched Rose enter the kitchen followed by a dark haired woman with kind brown eyes that reminded me of Bella with her pretty smile, followed by my sister Alice, and then finally Bella appeared. She was followed in by Demetri and Felix, both of whom seemed exceptionally happy.

I barely glanced at the other women that surrounded Bella since I was too over come with seeing her like that. Bella was dressed in a short black dress that hugged her figure just right as it clung to her hips while emphasing her large breasts. She had worn her chestnut colored hair down in loose curls around her shoulders and red lipstick that made her full lips look even more kissable. Bella looked amazing and I suddenly felt the stabbing pain of jealousy as I knew she was no longer mine.

Emmett got up and welcomed his wife home with a graphic kiss while Dad chuckled at their display of affection. I had always missed that, being a part of a couple that was physical. Jess and I were never like that, while Bella and I could never keep our hands off of each other. It was just another reason why I missed her once she was gone, just another example of the wrong decision I'd made.

"I take it went well," Emmett said as Bella walked in with a bright smile of victory on her beautiful face. She nodded happily as Demetri elbowed her to point in the direction of Felix and the other woman, who stood off to the side; lost in conversation.

"I told you Angela would be good with him," she said smugly as Demetri rolled his eyes at her. She laughed loudly until she looked at me and for a brief a moment a look of guilt flashed over her lovely face.

"Edward, I wasn't expecting you to be here," she said simply with a smile that looked forced while Demetri looked away as well. They looked uncomfortable, which only told me that they had found something good on Jess.

"Bella, so good to see you," I could hear my father call as Bella's eyes moved from me to him with the same tight smile on her face. Yes, she looked guilty.

"Carlisle, good to see you," she managed to say with a slight slur that made me smile. She looked poised and in control so the slight slip of a slur in her voice was entertaining.

Demetri started talking loudly to my dad about the evening while Emmett ignored him, only focusing on Rose just as I was watching Bella. She would look at me with her glossy, brown eyes that held a hint of sadness in them. Alice tried to hold a conversation with Bella about god knows what, but I could tell she wasn't paying attention to the animated story that Alice was sharing.

I watched as everyone moved on to the front room, leaving Bella and I standing there facing each other. She seemed uncomfortable as I stood before her, waiting her for tell me what happened.

"I wasn't expecting to see you tonight," she said softly as she looked away from me with a slight grimace.

"You promised that you would call," I replied as I felt my chest constrict oddly over the idea of her not wanting to see me.

"I would have," Bella said confidently as she met my eyes with her own glossy, brown ones that held nothing but sincerity. Bella was nothing if not faithful to her word. If she said she would do something, then yes it would be done.

"I know, it's just that…" I started to explain, but she cut me off with a deep sigh.

"Edward, we have a video of Jess with some guy. It doesn't quite show things exactly, but it is very suggestive, so that will help us," she said hastily as if the words hurt her as much as they were supposed to hurt me.

"Oh," was all I could think to respond with as Bella looked at me with her sad eyes.

"I'm sorry, Edward," she said simply then took hold of my hand to give it a squeeze of reassurance. I loved the burn I felt every time we touched and this time was no different than any other time that I had touched her.

I wanted to tell her that I wasn't sorry about Jess. The only thing that I was sorry about was hurting her by going through with a marriage that I should have backed out of like she had begged me to countless times over. I wanted to tell her I was sorry for putting her in the middle of this fucked up situation again, that she deserved better from me and from everyone else in her life, but before I could even open my mouth Bella was called into the front room by a screeching Rose. Bella looked at me apologetically as she side stepped me so she could enter the front room with as much grace as her drunken state would allow. I watched her go, knowing that sometime soon, I would have to tell her how sorry I was and prayed that she would actually listen to what I needed to say to her.

I followed her into the front room where Emmett and my father were already waiting for us along with Demetri, his brother and the other woman. Rose had the TV on and was cackling about old videos. I watched as Bella laughed along with her while Demetri teased her about the past, all the while I was left out of the conversation, which was probably good since my father had no idea about Bella and my past.

I sat in the back of the room like the creepy stalker that I was while Bella begged for Rose not to put on any of her vacation videos with Bella. I tried to act indifferent as Rose started the DVD as Bella drunkenly pleaded not to show something that could be embarrassing for her with my dad there to witness it, but Rose didn't care, just proving my point that she was a bitch.

I sat there mesmerized as the TV came to life with images of a warm beach and Bella in a bikini with a bright smile. She looked happy and yet tired, most likely from the hellish hours she had been keeping at work. She was tan from the sun and her hair was highlighted a golden blond like I had never seen before. She was breath taking.

I watched as Riley approached her on the DVD. He was equally tanned and looked worn out with a big smile on his smug face. I sat there like the masochist that I was and watched as they embraced before kissing. It was obvious that he loved her. I could see it on his face as he held her, but that did not bother me. Bella was a woman who men would love. She was bold and confident. She was passionate and charismatic. It was all of these wonderful qualities, plus more, that made me fall in love with her so I was not surprised that he loved her too, but what did hurt was the look on Bella's face as she looked at him. I knew that look; I knew it well since it was the same look she used to give me. She loved him and the thought of that tore my heart in two.

My mind raced back in time to when Bella loved me. I could remember how sweet her lips were after she whispered _I love you_ to me. I could remember the look in her eyes as we made love, telling me without a sound being made that she loved me. I could remember it all and suddenly felt cold as I realized that she most likely did all these things with Riley as well since when Bella loved, she did it with her whole heart.

I found myself fighting the urge to run from the room like the fucking coward that I was when I noticed that Bella looked sick. Her eyes were glassy with unshed tears and her face was pale. Her eyes kept darting from the TV screen to the floor. I wondered how no one else was noticing her discomfort as everyone around us laughed at the beach scene before us while trying to question her about her life before returning to Seattle.

"You ok?" I asked Bella as I stood up to leave the room and everyone here behind me. Her big, brown eyes locked with mine and without a word I could see she needed out. She had a panicked look on her face as she shook her head no.

"Rose, turn this crap off," I yelled at Rose as I stepped closer to Bella to help her up. She was shaking and looked like she was on the verge of crying.

"Why? Just because you can't stand seeing Bella happy?" Rose sneered at me in a knowing manner. She knew how much this would hurt me. She was planning on it. Rose was nothing but a sneaky, vindictive bitch at times and while yes, this hurt me, it was also hurting Bella.

I opened my mouth to tell Rose what a shitty friend and cousin she was when Bella let go of my hand to dart down the hall to the bathroom with her hand firmly over her mouth as if to stop the puke from spraying out on the floor. Everyone watched her run away followed by the sound of a slamming bathroom door.

"Are you happy now?" I asked Rose as the silence of the room sat heavily upon us. I didn't care that I was making a scene, she was the fucking rag who decided now was the right time to torture me.

"I was just…" Rose started to stutter, but I stopped her quickly.

"Yes, I know what you were trying to do, but you hurt her in the process. Did you not think that some fucked up DVD of her and Riley would not upset her?" I demanded as I watched Rose shrink a little before Emmett stepped in.

"Rose meant no harm," Em said, defending his wife as usual even though she was wrong.

"Yes, she did, it's just the wrong person got hurt. Right, Rose?" I asked her as she looked away from me with a pissed off look on her face. Rose never did well when she was confronted over her bad behavior. I glanced over at my dad who was standing as I was by now.

"I'm calling it a night kids," he said to the group before turning to me with a sigh. His blue eyes held a curious look about them as he stared at me.

"I will call you tomorrow," he said to me simply before exiting the room with a shake of his head as if he was unsure of what he had witnessed in the room.

I glanced back at the others and noticed how everyone was slowly getting up to leave, not that it mattered to me. I didn't care. The only thing I cared about was the woman who had most likely locked herself in the bathroom down the hall. I left the room without another word since I knew where I was needed and that was with Bella.

I walked softly as I approached the bathroom door with trepidation. There was a chance that she would order me out, but I knew I had to check on my girl. I had to see if she needed me or if there was anything else that I might be able to offer her.

I reached the door and tested the handle to find it unlocked. I slowly opened the door to find Bella curled into a ball on the bathroom floor. She looked so alone and so hurt that it broke my heart to see her like that.

"Bella?" I asked her softly, asking for permission to enter the small room, permission to help her like I wanted.

"Edward," she whispered in a soft sob that nearly brought me to my knees as I entered the room while closing the door behind me. I knew my girl well enough that her pride would dictate that she would not want the others to see her like this.

"Hey sweetheart," I whispered to her as I crouched down beside her as she lay upon the bath mat.

"Why don't I help you into the spare room?" I asked her as she opened her eyes to look at me with such a distrusting gaze in her big, doe eyes. She didn't trust me, but why should she when every man that she'd ever trusted had somehow betrayed her.

"Please, Bella," I whispered my plea to her as I watched her lying there. I hated to see her like this. I just wanted to hold her and make it better if she would let me.

Slowly, Bella moved until she was sitting up right. I took her movement as her acquiescence that it was fine for me to touch her, to move her since she seemed so unsteady on her own.

"Carlisle" she whispered to me in a warning manner, and while I appreciated that she thought enough of me to pause it was her pausing that caused me to realize that I could not hide from her or from my family any longer. I didn't care that they knew about me or us. I didn't care if they found out since I wanted people to know that I loved her just as I love her now.

"Don't worry about him," I said softly as I gathered her up in my arms until Bella was curled up against my chest. I picked her up with ease as I tried to think back to the last time I held her like this and if she was that thin as she was now.

I opened the door and walked down the hall to the spare room. I didn't want to leave her here. Rose had been a bitch all because of me and that was far from being fine. I opened the door to the room just as Emmett watched from the end of the hall. I paused long enough to get his permission to place Bella in that room, even though I knew he would not say no to Bella. He loved her too and I knew he felt horrible over what had just happened.

The room was dark as I walked in. Not bothering to turn on the lights, I just laid Bella down on the bed in the dark. I wanted her to rest. I wanted to protect her from the group that was waiting for her to appear. I wanted to shelter her from whatever storm that was brewing inside of her.

I moved too as I sat her down, untangling myself from her, but before I could, Bella stopped me. Her hand frantically grabbed hold of me and held on to my shirt in her drunken death grip.

"Don't leave," she whimpered to me, causing me to gasp at the flashback it brought with her sorrowful request. She had asked this of me countless times in the past as I left her to return to Jess, and the thought of those nights killed me slowly, since I had never wanted to leave her either, but I always did.

I sat back down upon the bed and slowly pulled her into my lap. Bella curled around me like a small child as we sat there, holding on to each other as if we both would fall apart if either of us let go.

"I'm not leaving you," I whispered into her hair as she pressed her face into my chest with a soft sob that broke my heart all over again. I knew it was whatever she had been drinking that was adding to her tears, but I just could not stand to see her so broken.

"Tell me," I whispered to her softly as I wrapped my arms around her loosely, knowing that she could demand I leave at any given moment.

"Tell me what happened and how I can fix this," I whispered to her as I ran my hand down her back in what I hoped was a soothing manner. Bella's face was still buried in my chest and I could start to feel her hot tears as they soaked through my shirt.

"Please baby, please tell me," I whispered again, knowing that whatever she would say would crush my heart, but also knowing that there was no one else who would take care of her like I could.

Slowly, in mumbled slurs, Bella began to talk. It was painful to listen to as she explained in drunken detail how her love affair with Riley began. I listened carefully as she explained how fucking lonely she was without me and how lost she felt after I married Jess. I listened in pain staking detail how Riley was there to help her when she had bad dreams about me, how he picked her up when she was down.

My stomach turned as she explained how their affair began and how sweet he was to her. She whispered how she knew he loved her and it came out in a dreamy sigh that made me ill especially when she continued to say how she never knew how I felt about her beyond sex. I shook my head no as she spoke, but she didn't seem to notice or even care that her words were eating me alive.

Her ragged voice told of happiness and love in California and then they moved here. She whispered to me how he told her he loved her and how unsure she was until she realized that she loved him too.

"Don't you see Edward? I loved him and yet…" she whispered before she started to cry once more. Her tears were hot against my skin as I felt powerless to help her. I was useless as I sat there, rubbing her back as she poured out her heart while destroying mine.

She had loved him. I knew on some level that she had, hell I could see it in the DVD from tonight as well as when they were together that they loved each other, but it was so different to hear her talk of it. It hurt like hell to have her tell me over and over again how she loved him. I wondered if it hurt this bad each time I told her that I loved Jess. It had to hurt this bad and knowing that now I realized what a huge fucking asshole I was to her.

I couldn't stop myself as she clung to me crying. I knew that this was not the time or place, but I had to tell her. I had to tell her that I was sorry. That I was sorry for everything that I had ever done or caused, especially knowing how much it hurt her.

"I'm sorry Bella. I am sorry for everything. I am sorry for every time I told you I loved her since that was the biggest fucking lie I had ever told anyone. I am sorry that I got you in the middle of this. I am sorry that you got hurt. I would change it all and start over with you if I could," I whispered to her, but I wasn't sure if she had even heard me since she seemed to be sleeping now as I held her close.

I thought of her words and while they damaged my heart almost beyond repair it also brought out the anger in me. I fucking hated Riley Biers. He pretended to be something he wasn't. He led her on and then turned around to treat her like this.

My head hurt from the anger that was coursing through me as I sat there, holding my sleeping girl, while I burned from the inside out. It was a horrible destructive type of anger that I only ever experienced with Bella. I wanted to hurt Biers. I wanted to let him know that it would not be tolerated for him to treat her like that.

Slowly, with gentle ease I slipped Bella out of my arms so that she was lying upon the bed. She quickly reached out taking hold of my shirt in her surprisingly firm grasp.

"Don't," she murmured to me as if she knew I was going to find Biers to right whatever wrongs he had committed against her.

"Shh, I'll be right back," I murmured back to her as I brushed my hand over her hair, softly brushing it off her face. I looked down at Bella as she laid there, eyes closed, clinging to me and instantly I knew this was where I belonged. It was the same feeling I would get every time I had ever left her in the past, that feeling that I was leaving my heart with the sweet girl that was sleeping here. It was a warm feeling that I had missed, which only caused me to sigh in contentment.

I looked at my sleeping girl once more and slowly leaned down to press a soft kiss to her temple. I knew I was pressing my luck with Bella, but I could not stop that soft kiss any more than I could stop my own breathing. I had to do it and to hell with the consequences.

My lips touched the soft skin of her temple as I breathed in the warm, flowery scent that was just Bella. I felt her still beneath me as she wove her arms around me to hold me tighter to her. Carefully I kissed along her jaw line, feeling her sigh against my touch as I pressed a soft kiss behind her ear in the place that always made her melt for me.

I moved to press another kiss along her cheek when she turned her head to look at me. There was surprise in her pitch black eyes, but not anger, so I took that as a welcoming sign as I pressed a soft kiss to the tip of her cute, button nose as it was right in front of me, teasing me to kiss it just like I used to.

I looked into her deep eyes and could see her confusion. I wanted to kiss her. I wanted to taste her lips. I wanted to know if they were as sweet as my memory told me. I wanted to feel her against me and listen to her sigh as we touched, but so much had happened between us. So many hurtful words and actions, loves and losses had caused this wide gap between us that seemed impossible to bridge.

I took a deep breath, knowing that this would be as close to her as I would get and that I had lost it all over my own pride and stupidity. I was slowly pulling away from Bella, when I felt her tighten her grasp on me, holding me in place. My heart pounded in my chest as I lay nearly on top of her as I felt her hand move up my back, causing me to shudder against her innocent touch as if she was performing some erotic gesture against my skin.

"Don't" she whispered in such a soft voice that I was not sure if I had heard her correctly until I felt her hand grasps my shoulder tighter, pulling me closer to her.

"Bella," I whispered as I tried to think of the words to say to her, to warn her that I wanted her.

"Shh," she whispered almost against my lips as she moved closer. Her dark eyes looked from my lips back to my eyes, telling me what she wanted. She wanted a kiss. She wanted me to kiss her and while I was elated over the idea of kissing my girl again, I did not want to be a replacement for another man. I knew she was hurting over Biers, but I would not add to her hurt or mine by kissing her just because we both wanted it.

"I don't want to hurt you," I whispered as a shot of fear ran through me as she shook her head no while biting her bottom lip, just like she used to whenever she wanted me to kiss her badly. I felt myself growing hard over the memory of all the times she would look at me like that and how those nights ended with me inside of her as she moaned my name.

I knew getting involved with her now was insane. She was drunk and getting over Riley while I had a divorce to finish with her my attorney. It was unethical as hell, but at the moment I did not care. I only cared about what her kiss felt like and how I had missed the taste of her skin. I had missed her and while it was wrong I told myself it didn't matter.

I looked into her deep, dusky colored eyes in the dark room we were in and suddenly felt like the world's biggest dick. I was willing to risk it all for her, but Bella was in no place to make such a decision. She was drunk and upset, which always led to bad decision making as well as regrets. I couldn't do that to her or to myself.

"Sweetheart, we can't" I whispered to her as I tried to unwrap myself from her grip. I watched her face fall as she started to cry once more, mumbling some bull shit about no one wanting her.

"That's a lie and you know it. I want you. I always have and always will, but I won't do it like how we used to," I whispered to her as I held her face in my hands, forcing her to look at me, to see the truth in my eyes.

"I love you Bella Swan and when I kiss you, it won't be as some lame ass replacement for Biers. I won't make the same mistake twice. I won't hide you away. We won't do that again, I promise you that," I whispered to her as she tried to look away, but couldn't. I could see the doubt in her eyes as she looked at me, but I didn't care. I would prove it to her. I would prove to her that this time I would keep my word to her just like I should have when she actually believed in me.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading!**

**A special thanks goes out to IcarusToSun for betaing this chapter! Hugs to you Parama!**

**A special thanks goes out to whatever wonderful reader nominated Perhaps Not to Be for three different categories in Avant Garde Awards. I am guessing it was a Riley lover since this story has made the list for Best Non Cannon. So whoever you might be, thank you for making this crazy lady's day!**

**Rec Time! What am I reading? Well, some of the stories I have been following have finished up while others I am waiting on to update. Currently, the one I am dying to update & it should today on Twilighted is House of Cards by therunaway. It is good and painful as you watch an Edward and Bella, who should be together, not be. **

**Not much else is going on since life has been crazy. Yes, I know everyone says that, but it's true! **

**Until next time…**

**Take care,**

**Mamasutra**

**xxoo**


	34. Chapter 34

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

BPOV

The dull throb of my head slowly woke me from a dreamless sleep. It wasn't the throb of a headache or the stickiness of my eyes that surprised me as I struggled to find coherency, it was the heaviness that pinned me to the bed that shocked my system into being alert.

I opened my eyes to find a heavy arm across my chest while a muscular leg was entangled with mine as I lay there lost to the world. I tried to remember what had happened last night that led me to this moment, but the last thing I clearly remembered was talking with Riley outside of the strip club. I remember how he pleaded with me to come home and how it made my chest ache to see him so broken.

I couldn't remember when I had left him or _if_ I had left him, but the warning bells were going off inside of me that I needed to leave and leave now. I attempted to sit up, but the arm around me tightened like a steel band, preventing me from moving as the questionable man, pulled me closer in an awkward embrace.

"Go back to sleep," the low gravelly voice whispered to me as he held me tight against his hard chest, as if he could strong arm me into sleep.

_Edward._

"Get off me!" I hissed at him as I pushed at his arm that held me to him tightly.

"Jesus, don't you ever sleep anymore?" he asked me as he let go of me quickly before rolling away from me in a hurried fashion.

That was a good question that he had brought up since I had not been the best sleeper since I had left him behind. I always slept better with him. Even though Riley was a wonderful replacement in the area, he was not as snuggly as Edward had been.

"Why are you here?" I asked as I rolled away from him as buried myself into the pillow that we just shared. I could smell him on the pillow.

"You asked me to stay last night, so I stayed," he replied simply as he rolled closer to me once more, except this time he didn't use me as a make shift pillow. I snorted out loud over his words.

"Since when am I so special that you decide to stay?" I asked him, sounding bitter to even my own ears. I hated being bitter, but Jess and he seemed to bring that out in me.

"You were always special Bella, it was me who was wrong," he said in a low voice as he rolled away from me with a tired sigh that made me snort once more in laughter as I felt him move beside me.

"Whatever," I replied back as I closed my eyes once more while waiting for him to leave me as he always had done in the past.

"You think you are so damn funny, well, how about I tell you that you tried to kiss me last night," he said in a teasing tone that made my eyes go wide alarm. There was a vague memory of holding him close in an effort to kiss him with him stopping me from actually kissing him.

"I don't believe you," I said in a voice that sounded foreign even to me as I rolled over to face him. Edward had a smug look on his handsome face as he cocked an eyebrow at me as if he was saying _really? _

"I wish I had filmed it. I knew you would never believe me," he teased again as he lay there with a smug smile that I wanted to smack off his face properly.

"Yeah, I bet you did. You were always good for the video camera," I said with a sweet smile as I reminded him with a verbal slap as to how him video taping us having sex had caused many of our problems, or so he claimed.

"Bella, you know I didn't…" he stammered his explanation, but I didn't want to hear it. I had done what I had intended. I had taken the smug look off his face and that was enough as I waved off his overreaction with a roll of my eyes.

We lay there facing each other with a mile of horrible history and awkwardness stretching between us. I tried to remember how easy it had always been with him. I tried to remember how often we laughed and loved, but it all seemed so over shadowed by the horribleness of things we had done to each other.

I looked at Edward's face as he frowned at me. He wasn't the same boy who made my heart pound and panties wet. He had grown without me. He looked older and more masculine. He had been someone's husband, Jess's husband and yet I remained the same. The same girl who fought her own baggage about not being good enough no matter what I did.

My eyes locked with his as we lay there in silence, eyeing each other as if we both were scared of what the other was capable of doing. My mind raced back to what Demetri had said about Dr. Banner and my father's care. I found the need to know of Edward's involvement burning me up from the inside out as we lay there watching each other.

"Edward," I whispered softly as his eyes brightened at my calling his name.

"I need to know the truth," I whispered to him as his eyes went wide for a moment before nodding solemnly to me, agreeing to whatever it was I was going to ask of him.

"How do you know Dr. Banner?" I asked him in a quiet tone as I watched his face flush red for a brief moment. That was the cue I needed to know that yes, he had done something concerning Dr. Banner.

"He is a client at the firm," he said in a steady voice as his eyes wavered from mine briefly. It was another telling sign that he was lying.

"Did you send Dr. Banner when my dad had a heart attack?" I asked him in a whisper, scared to find out the truth, but needing to know desperately if Edward had tried to do something kind in the middle of what was our melt down.

Edward looked at me with his eyes going dark as he remained silent. I knew he wouldn't tell me. I knew he would deny it all since that was his way of handling things. He always denied.

"I did," he said slowly as I stifled a gasp of surprise while he ran a nervous hand through his thick hair, tugging and pulling on it as he did.

"I just…" he stammered and then took a deep breath before blowing it out loudly.

"I wanted to be with you. I did. I wanted to be there, to hold your hand, to be …whatever it was that you needed me to be then," he said in a rush as he looked at me with his green eyes so earnest and bright.

"I just couldn't do it. I knew too many people would question us, so I couldn't," he stammered again as I fought the urge to roll my eyes at him over his stupidity.

"I called Dr. Banner. He was a family friend and he agreed to go to Forks to care for your father," Edward said softly as I watched his eyes dart around the room so that way he didn't have to look at me.

"I had no idea that he was bringing his fellows with him to help care for your dad or that one of his fellows would date you afterwards," Edward said with an edge to his voice that made me shake my head at him.

I remembered dating Alex Jansen. He was the lead intern for Dr. Banner. He was there the most and spent the most time with me. He was sweet and friendly. Edward had tried to scare him off, but in reality it was me who caused him to go. I wasn't into him since I only wanted Edward at the time.

"I didn't want you to know," he said as he looked away once more. I could see he was uncomfortable, which seemed odd for Edward. It made him seem vulnerable and I wasn't sure about a vulnerable Edward.

"You paid for it, right?" I asked him as he looked away from me. Dr. Banner never billed my parents and when they questioned him about it he told them that their bill had been paid. I had always wondered if a billing error caused the great fortune for my parents, and honestly had no idea that it was Edward who was paying for everything.

"Yes," he said slowly as his eyes met mine cautiously.

"You didn't need to," I said softly to him as he looked at me with a knowing look that made me wanted to roll my eyes at him again.

"Bella, if your parents had received a large medical bill, what would have happened?" he asked me with a small smile that seemed sad as he gazed at me.

"I don't know…" I stammered back to him like a fool, but in reality I knew what I would have done. I would have helped them in any way I could.

"Yes, you do. You would have dropped out of law school and taken a job to help them pay it off. That's you Bella, and you can't deny that," he said with a sad smile that made me feel warm inside.

"You would have helped them and you know that," he said again with a sigh and I could not deny it. He knew me well enough to know that, yes; I would have dropped out to help them.

"I couldn't let you drop out just because of shitty luck. I had already done so much to make sure…" he said with a sad tone that made me look away from him.

"I just couldn't let that happen to you," he said simply as he looked at me with a knowing look.

"You shouldn't have," I said with a shake of my head as he shook his and murmured something about how it was the least that he could do to help me.

"It was still the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me, or my family," I managed to say as I looked into his deep green eyes that seemed to hypnotize me with their jade depths.

We lay there for a while, looking at each other and then looking away as awkwardness settled over us once more. Awkward seemed to be all that Edward and I were any more and now this will add to our horrible mess. I was amazed and yet hated that Edward had done that for me. It left me feeling conflicted and yet loved by this odd man who watched me so closely at times that I felt like I was under a microscope.

The silence was deafening as my nerves caused me to twitch beside him in a weird manner that he seemed to ignore, until he announced that he should leave. My heart pounded in my chest as I watched him get up slowly as if he was stiff and still tired from last night.

I sat up slowly as my head was spinning from the news that Demetri was correct and the remainder of last night's drinks. I wanted to thank him, but the words seemed to stick in my throat as I attempted to speak. I knew this was my chance to say something, anything and that once he walked out that door the chance would be forever lost.

Edward's back was towards me as he stretched while I limbered out of bed in a somewhat rapid manner. His hand was on the door knob as I called his name.

"Edward," I said in a high pitched voice that did not sound like me, but he responded all the same by turning to look at me with an uncertain look.

Before I could change my mind I launched myself at him and wrapped him up in an awkward hug that left him breathless as I knocked the air out of his lungs as my body slammed into his. I snaked my arms around him and held him in an odd manner as I felt his body stiffen under my embrace.

"Thank you," I managed to whisper to him and as I did I could feel him melt against me. I felt his arms wrap around me to hold me to him in a soft way that made my heart hurt in my chest over his tenderness. He was never this tender at the end of our time together.

I felt his face pressed into my hair as he breathed me in, causing goose bumps to rise as his warm breath washed over my neck in a teasing manner. I held him tighter against me as Edward squeezed tight to me as well. I felt all the apologies I owed him bubbling up against my lips, waiting for me to talk when there was a loud knock on the bedroom door causing us both to jump.

"Breakfast is ready when you want it," Emmett called through the closed door. It was just enough to break whatever spell that had enchanted us as we held each other tightly. I pulled back as Edward let go of me slowly while the awkwardness settled between us once more. I watched as he opened the door, leaving me standing there, with only a small glance back at me before disappearing down the hall.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading! I am still working on reviews, but Fanfiction(.)net is making it difficult.**

**Thanks to IcarusToSun for betaing this short chapter. Hugs to you dear!**

**Thanks goes out once more to whomever nominated **_**Perhaps Not to Be**_** for the Avant Guard Awards. The voting is open so go check it out since there are some amazing stories and writers up for awards!**

**http(:/)(www.)avantgardeawards(.com/)**

**Until next time….**

**Take care,**

**Mamasutra**

**xxoo**


	35. Chapter 35

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

BPOV

Making my way out to the kitchen where the voices of my friends were coming from made me feel sick. It was like I was doing the walk of shame without having anything to be shameful of, yet I was. I felt as if I had done something horribly wrong last night even though Edward pretty much confirmed that I hadn't.

I stepped out into the kitchen and was greeted with a warm good morning by Emmett as I scanned the room rapidly to see who was here. I found Alice who was talking in her animated manner to Demetri who watched her with an amused smile. I caught his eye and made a face at him since I knew he was somewhat interested in her after her wild behavior last night. I looked over towards Edward and found him pouring two cups of coffee as I stood there, dumb founded by the morning.

"Good to see you're finally awake," De called to me as Edward handed me what would be my cup. I thanked him softly before quickly taking a sip of the dark brew.

"Yeah, yeah," I mumbled as I waved him off with a flick of my wrist.

"I really need to go," I mumbled as I looked around at the crowd suddenly feeling uncomfortable for being here in the middle of everything.

"You can wait," Rose said as she breezed into the room with a wide smile that begged for me to smile back at her, but I couldn't. I was still overwhelmed by her antics last night. I had no idea that she was going to be showcasing my life with Riley in California and I had no idea that it would affect me like it did.

"Hey Rose," I called weakly as she beamed another smile at me while I felt Edward stiffen as he stood beside me, pressed against the wall in the overcrowded kitchen just like I was.

"Bitch," he mumbled under his breath before taking another sip of coffee as if he had said nothing. I found myself laughing at his childish behavior since it took me right back to our college days. Edward elbowed me quickly with a whispered _Shh _as he laughed as well while Rose ignored us both.

"Sorry about last night," I said off handedly as we stood there, watching our friends and family talking together.

"Nothing to be sorry about," he said to me without meeting my gaze. I watched his face as he looked over at Rose with an irritated look. His one eye was swollen and purple from a nasty bruise that surrounded it. It was clear that he had been hit in the eye, yet he was remaining quiet about it for some reason that I could not comprehend.

"Rose isn't much of a friend," he said curtly as he took another drink of coffee. He was right there even if I hated to admit it.

"She can be difficult," I replied with a slow nod of my head which made him laugh at my response.

"Yeah, difficult or just downright hurtful, whatever," Edward replied with a grin that did not reach his eyes.

"What are you two whispering about?" Rose called out to us, pulling us out of our private conversation and into the larger one that was going on around us.

"Just about what a bitch you are," Edward retorted back with a wicked grin that made me laugh since he spoke the truth. Emmett called him down over his name calling, but Edward just shrugged him off as we stood there while Rose grimaced at his words.

"I'm going to head out," I called to the crowd as I started to leave with Edward directly behind me.

"You know, you didn't drive, right?" he asked me in a low voice, as if not trying to draw attention to my mistake as we walked out without much attention from the group.

"I'll give you a ride. I need to leave too since I have a meeting with my attorney later today that I need to get ready for," he teased as he followed me towards the door.

"What time is our meeting?" I asked as I grabbed my shoes, but remained bare foot.

"I don't know. You never told me," he replied as he opened the door so I could walk out to the cars. I could feel him behind me as I approached his car.

"I am open for whatever," I said as I reached the car door only for him to stop me and step ahead so he could open it for me, which caused me to become flustered as I mumbled thanks to him.

I watched as Edward loped over to his side with a grace that had always amazed me. He was always so confident and it showed as he moved with firm determination. I had always admired that quality about him.

He got in the car and started it right away without another word to me. He drove along as we sat in silence until Edward finally spoke.

"Demetri told me that you found a place," he said without looking at me as he navigated the streets.

"Yeah, I did. It's somewhat close to the downtown," I said as I watched the neighborhoods pass by us.

"Well, let me know if you need help moving," he offered in a soft manner that made me uneasy.

"Why? You hate to move," I asked him as I questioned his motives here as he laughed at me.

"I do, but I think I can help out an old friend," he said with a laugh as if there was something more to it than that, but I wasn't in the mood to press him for the real answer.

Edward was acting odd and it was setting me on edge. I openly stared at him as he drove, trying to piece together why he was behaving like this, trying to put my finger on what it was that was causing this, but I could not find anything. The more I looked the more flustered I felt.

"What?" he asked me as he glanced over to find me staring at him.

"What's going on?" I asked him skeptically as he tuned to look at me in surprise while we were stopped at a red light.

"What do you mean?" he asked me confused as his green eyes met mine in uncertainty.

"I mean, what's going on here? Why are you acting this way?" I demanded from him as he looked at me in a shocked manner that made me want to laugh. He had such a confused look on his handsome face.

"I don't understand," he started to say, but I interrupted him before he could finish.

"Yeah, neither do I; that's why I am asking," I finished as he looked at me funny.

"You're going to have to give me more than that Bella since I have no fucking clue about what you mean," he said in an irritated tone as he continued to drive.

"Why are you being so nice?" I finally blurted out as he turned into the parking lot of the hotel I was staying at.

"I'm always nice to you," he replied without missing a beat of our conversation.

"Oh, no you haven't been and this change is making me all flustered," I replied in a rush as I waved my hands around in a nervous manner that made him laugh at my nonsense.

"Bella, relax," he said simply as he laughed at me while parking the car.

"Easy for you to say since the last time I trusted you I was the only one who got hurt," I said to him and then instantly wished I could take back my words since they revealed too much. I knew that he was aware that I had been hurt by him; I just didn't need him to know how much it hurt.

"Do you really believe that you were the only one who got hurt over what happened?" he asked in a shocked tone that matched the unbelieving look on his face. I opened my mouth to speak, but Edward cut me off with his angry tirade.

"Have you always been so fucking arrogant or is this a new thing?" he asked me with a hard tone.

"Well, I did learn from the best," I replied back in a growl and then watched as he turned to face me with his eyes blazing in anger. This was the Edward I knew. The one who was angry all the time. The one who had a sharp tongue and would remind me of my place with cutting words or harsh actions. I waited patiently to see the man I knew.

"I cannot believe you!" he screamed at me in anger as I watched him, pleased over his reaction.

"You have turned into a bitter fucking rag, Bella, and I am sorry that I did that you, but that will be the last apology you ever get from me," he hissed at me in anger as I gawked at him.

"I have spent almost every bit of our time together apologizing for a past I cannot change. I have been made the villain here and yes, I was the villain, but…fuck!" he yelled at me in anger as his eyes blazed wildly.

"What do you what me to say? What would make this better, Bella, since obviously _I'm sorry _isn't working?" he said as he jerked his fingers through his hair in an impatient manner that I knew all too well.

"Do you want me to tell you that I chose the wrong girl? Because I know I did, but fuck…" he stuttered in his anger as I sat there, shell shocked, and watched the storm clouds gather in his eyes.

"You didn't want me, Bella! You wanted your career! You told me so when I asked you if you would give it all up for me. I asked you! I fucking asked you and you told me that you wanted your career!" he yelled in a stammering way that told me how close he was to truly losing it.

"I did all of this, all of fucking this for you!" He continued to yell as he waved his arms around as if he had lost his mind.

"No you didn't. You did it for you," I hissed at him as my anger came out too in a heated tone that made him smirk like an asshole at me.

"Yeah, I was a selfish bastard, Bella. I was greedy with the fact that I wanted you, I wanted the job. I wanted it all and you know what I got? I got nothing!" he yelled at me in the confines of the car, which seemed to amplify the sound of his voice.

"The one thing... The one fucking thing I could take comfort in while everything else crumbled around me was that I had not failed you, that I had not let you down in your dreams, yet you stand there and play fucking victim with me," he rambled as I sat there, watching him in shock.

"I took my own brother not talking to me for three years. I took all the stares and rumors about you and I after you ran away, but I am still the fucking villain in this melodrama," he stuttered at me as he closed his eyes in what looked like an effort to calm down. I watched as he took a deep breath and then opened his eyes to stare at me. There was cold determination in his eyes as he looked at me as well as fascination, as if he had never really looked at me before in all the times we were together.

"I took it all for you and you could just give a fuck," he said with a humorless laugh that gave me chills.

"You walked away like it was nothing, like we were nothing. Did you ever even give a fuck about me or was it all a game to see what you could get?" he asked me, shocking me with his accusation.

"I never…" I started to say, but he cut me off by continuing to talk in a rambling manner.

"You were so fucking cold hearted about it all. While I was clinging to everything I had that was yours, that was us, you got rid of everything I had ever touched," he rambled in a broken manner that caused my throat to constrict over the pain in his voice as he looked away from me.

"I knew about it all. The dishes, your clothes, the fucking sheets, Bella. I knew about it all, so don't tell me how fucking hurt you were since you had no problem in moving on without me. Jesus, was the bed even cold before Biers got in with you?" he asked in a rambling tone as I gasped at the harshness of his words.

"Fuck you," I replied instantly after his insult settled over my skin.

"No, fuck you Bella. I am done. I am done apologizing. I am done begging for mercy from you. I am done with it all," he said in an angry tone as I jerked open the door to escape from him into the dull sanctuary of the hotel.

I stepped out of the car with a clumsy stumble and as I did I could hear Edward rolling down the window so he could share whatever parting comment he had to say as I slammed the door shut with as much force as I could.

"Oh, and Bella, you were never the victim here, that would have been Jess. Remember her? The girl I told you I was dating when I met you? Remember how you told me you didn't care about her? So why don't you think about that before you get back up on your high horse," he called to me as I stood there, opened mouth and gawking in shock over his words, over the hurt that poured out from him. I watched him slam his car into gear speed and away from me in a squeal of tires as if he could not leave me fast enough.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading! I think FF(.)net finally have it so you can kind of respond to reviews so that is what I will be doing today ( hopefully). **

**A special thanks goes out to IcarusToSun who beta'd this hot mess instead of sleeping like she should have. Hugs to you, dear!**

**Ok, I am really bad at self promotion. It makes me feel like a jerk, but I will put it out there so incase you are interested. So... One of you lovely people nominated **_**Perhaps Not to Be**_** for several categories in the Avant Garde Awards. The story is up for Best Must Read, Best Lemon, &Best Non Cannon Pairing (thanks to all you Riley & Bella lovers). I am honored to be nominated and while I will not pander for votes I will tell you to go over an check out the sight & votes for your favorites : )**

**www (.) avantgardeawards (.) com**

**Until next time…**

**Take care,**

**Mamasutra**

**xxoo**


	36. Chapter 36

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

BPOV

I watched as Edward drove away from me with his anger trailing behind him like a blaze of fire. I turned and found myself stomping back to my room and as I did I thought about his words.

Edward had been harsh and cruel with his words to me. I could not believe the audacity of him to point the finger of blame at me. He was the one with a girlfriend, not me. He was the one who actually cheated on someone, not me. He was the one who treated me horribly, while everything I did was just a knee jerk response to his crappy behavior. He was the one who broke my heart, not the other way around. I left for self preservation, not to hurt him, even though the idea that he hurt without me gave me a sick feeling of satisfaction; to know that he hurt too, that I had caused him some sort of pain.

I fumed in anger as I stood outside of my door with my keycard in hand. I could not stop thinking about what he said about how I discarded him so easily since that was so far from the truth. Fuck him if he thought he could pawn his pain off on me. This was his fault not mine.

My hand shook as I tried to swipe the card through the lock and then stopped mid way as my anger flared white hot. I was not about to let him talk to me like that. I had come too far to tolerate this behavior. I was not ever going back to letting Edward Cullen talk down to me.

I promptly turned and marched back to the parking lot. There was no way I was going to let him just get away with being a dick to me. It was that thought that kept my anger fueled as I found my car and drove over to what was now his apartment.

The traffic was sparse as the near empty roads allowed me to travel with ease to find him. I was right in my just attitude. I told myself that he was the one who held all the blame. I had told myself this over and over again for the last three years so it was easy for me to believe now.

I park haphazardly in the garage and then exited the car as quickly as I could manage since I did not want the heat of my anger to diminish at all before facing him once more. I reached the apartment building and was happy to find luck on my side as an old man was exiting as I approached, letting me in without having to buzz Edward. I climbed the steps quickly as his words came back to me. I was not the cold hearted one here that was him.

I reached his door quickly and pounded on the metal door loudly to announce my prescience. I could hear the movement inside. It was short and choppy as I listened to him slamming something down with a thud before reaching the door.

I braced myself as the door swung open with a wild jerk on its frame as I waited to face him. Edward stepped into the hallway with a deep scowl on his face that morphed back into hot anger as he looked at me.

"What are you doing here?" he demanded from me as I smiled smugly at him. I watched him take on a defensive stance as he crossed his arms across his chest as he stared down his nose at me. Fuck him, if he thought he was going to intimidate me now.

"I wasn't done with the conversation when you ran away," I replied with as much ice in my tone that I could muster as I stood before him.

"I didn't run away. _I_ don't run away, that's your job," he replied in a sarcastic growl that made me laugh at him as my anger pulsed hot throughout me. I pushed him aside with a hard grunt to enter what had once been my home, a home I practically shared with Edward.

I listened as he muttered curses and then stepped in after me, closing the door behind us with a loud slam. He was pissed and that made me especially happy.

"Don't get too comfortable since you're not staying," he said to me in an angry tone that pissed me off even more as I stood in front of the beat up couch as if I didn't have a care in the world. I rolled my eyes at him as he stepped in front of the couch to face me.

"Who the hell do you think you are?" I asked him as he suddenly smirked at me as if he was finally realizing how angry I truly was. It was obvious that he was still mad at me and that was fine by me.

"Me?" he asked in a mocking tone as his eyes held mine with a fiery gaze.

"You have no right," I started to say as I stepped closer to him in anger while he laughed at me.

"I have no right! I have no right to tell you that I hurt too?" he demanded from me as he growled menacingly at me.

"You caused this," I hissed back in anger as he rolled his green eyes at me in frustration.

"You were no innocent party in this Bella, so stop acting like it," he said in an angry tone that made me step back to create some space between us.

"You are just as guilty as what I am, but the difference between us is the simple fact that I have been held accountable for my behavior while you haven't," he said to me in a growl, stepping forward as I stepped back.

"I have been told what an asshole I was to you, to Jess, to everyone," he continued in his angry growl that was setting me on edge as his green eyes burned into mine.

"I have been reminded how badly I fucked up and how fucked I was at the time and now, I can fully admit that," he said as he held my gaze in an almost hypnotic manner that was making me dizzy.

"I was wrong. I was selfish and I thought that…I thought that everything was mine for the taking, that you were mine," he continued as he stalked me around the couch in his apartment like a lion stalking his prey while his eyes never left mine. The feeling of it should have had me scared, but instead I could only feel the burn of that wicked fire that only Edward could ever ignite in me

This was the Edward I knew, the one who let his temper rule him. The Edward that took what he wanted; what I gladly gave him without a second thought about the consequences. It was exciting as hell and yet terrifying to see him like this since it brought back the past with such a rush that it hurt my chest to look at him like this with his face twisted in an evil smirk while his eyes blazed fire at me so passionately. I could see the want on his face and wondered if he could see the same want mirrored back at him from my own face.

"You never minded though. You lived for it, the excitement, and the chase. All the secret meetings at the office. All the days away spent here in your bed. You loved it as much as I did," he said in an evil teasing voice as I stepped back against the couch. I watched him smile as I realized that he had trapped me in beside the couch.

"You were just as guilty, Bella, just as wrong, just as…" he said in a low voice, taunting me as he stepped closer to me. He was so close now I could feel the heat rolling off him in waves as he stepped in front of me while I stepped back, trying to create the space I needed between us so I could think clearly instead of letting my anger and passion rule me like it always did when it came to Edward.

"What? Won't admit it? Is your pride so overwhelming that you can't admit that you are at fault here too?" He mocked me with his tone and teasing look that I wanted to wipe off his face. He stepped closer to me so we were almost touching. I fought the urge to press myself against him

Edward waited silently for a response and when I remained wordless he cocked an eyebrow at me in a manner that said _really?_

"Well, the first step is to admit you were part of the problem, Bella and when you can do that, you let me know," he said in a cocky manner that got my blood boiling.

"Admit that you didn't care that I had a girlfriend. Admit that you pursued me and that it turned you on every time I tried to resist you," he whispered to me in a teasing manner that made my skin tingle in anticipation.

"As if I could resist you." He chuckled darkly as his eyes held mine, showing me the dark promise of what could be, of what was mine if I pressed him further.

I knew that I was wrong. I knew that I was every bit as guilty as he was. I knew all of this, but to admit my fault in this mess was enough to make me choke. The words would not come out. They were lodged tightly in my throat to the point where they almost hurt.

I stared at him as I stood there as the uncomfortable truth settled around us. He was right and would not stop until I admitted as much to him. I found myself angry beyond words as I faced him there with that cocky smile on his face that told me he knew it as well.

I longed for the angry Edward of our past that demanded that I submit instead of this arrogant one who insisted that I confess. I looked at Edward as he smirked at me like an asshole, waiting for my confession and all I could think about was forcing his hand. Forcing him to show his true colors, forcing him to show me that he had not changed at all. That he was still the same possessed man who took and never regretted a thing.

The fire in my system caused my determination to strengthen as I stepped closer to him with an angry scowl. He laughed at me, as if I was about to break, but inside I was rejoicing since I knew it would be him who would break.

"You were made for me and how fucking well you knew it," he whispered in a teasing tone that made my blood sing while releasing butterflies in my stomach. I knew what I had to do, what I needed to do.

I almost wanted to smile as I stepped closer to him until we were touching. The smart ass smirk faded from his handsome face as a brief look of confusion washed over it before recognition finally dawned on him.

I would show him what we were, what he was and the thought of that made me smile in a devious manner that made him silent. Without another thought I grabbed the front of his shirt and pulled him down to me. Edward barely had time to react to my touch when I brought my other hand up to cup the side of his face as I leaned in and kissed him.

"What are you…" he started to say, but my lips met his and soon his words were lost. I pulled back briefly, allowing my lips to hover over his as I looked into his eyes, daring him to stop me.

Edward's eyes were open and burning into mine with the familiar look I knew so well. A look that was mine alone, a look that was a mix of lust and want, and some other emotion that I could never name as he stared into my soul.

I pressed my lips against his again in a soft, testing manner and was greeted with a warm kiss back as his lips moved against mine teasingly. I nibbled his lips as I felt his hand grip my hips tightly as he picked me up while sitting back in the chair. It had been three years since we had moved together like this, yet I was not startled as I found myself straddling his lap with my dress pushed up to my hips. This was what I wanted. This was what I needed. I felt him hard and ready against my bare thigh as Edward's long fingers switched from the desperate grasp he had on my hips to pushing my dress up higher so that he was tracing the band of my lace panties around my waist in a teasing manner. The groan that escaped his lips was delicious and made me wet as I grinded against him, seeking the friction I needed so badly.

Edward's mouth opened beneath mine to invite me in and as it did our kiss became frantic as our tongues clashed for dominance as teeth knocked against each other. He tasted of coffee and a sweetness that was just Edward. It was perfect.

His tongue slid against mine in a suggestive manner of what was to come if we continued on at this pace, but for the life of me I did not care. I wanted it. I wanted him and I let him know this by rubbing against his hard cock. I continued to do this simple, yet seductive motion until his hands gripped my hips firmly so he could guide me against him so with each pass I brushed my clit in a teasing manner that made me moan into his mouth.

My hand found their way into Edward's messy hair and latched on tightly so I could tug and pull his head in the direction I needed him to be. I felt Edward's hands let go of my hips as I kept rhythm perfectly for us. He pushed up my knit dress as he continued kneading my sides until he reached the underside of my breasts. I moaned loudly in his mouth as his hands cupped my breasts, flicking my nipples with his thumbs as his touched me. I sighed as he squeezed and groped me with his hands as I swept off the fabric that separated my skin from his so I was straddling him, wearing nothing but my black, lace demi bra and panties that exposed more than they covered.

This was what I had missed. I had missed the passion. I had missed the need to consume another. This blatant need brought back how much I had missed him in our three years apart. It was so much so that our passionate kiss and frantic touches were enough to bring tears to my eyes as I urged him on to touch me more as I rubbed against him shamelessly.

Edward broke our kiss as he began to trail wet kisses along my jaw until he reached the spot on my neck that made me gasp as he nipped me there while his hands caressed my breasts through the lace of my bra. This was what I wanted. I wanted his touch, his kiss and I feeling him like this only made me want him more.

I moaned happily as he kissed down my neck while I clung to him, arching back to press my breast into his face, seeking his talented mouth for attention when suddenly Edward stopped. He stopped his kisses and his touch against me, but before I could feel the shiver of rejection wash over me I felt Edward grip me tight against him and soon I was being carried across the room. I pressed my face into his neck to avoid his gaze and to hide the wide smile of satisfaction that was spreading across my face as Edward carried me to his bedroom with the haste of a man who had long been deprived this type of affection.

I moved in his arms to see Edward's face. He looked possessed with lust and determination as he walked with ease as he reached the door to his room. I pressed closer and kissed along his jaw, feeling the scruff that had grown there over night, which caused me to shiver in delight as I imaged what the scruff will feel like against the inside of my thighs.

Edward opened the bedroom door gracelessly as we entered the small room still entwined passionately. He untangled my limbs from his as he tossed me unceremoniously down upon the bed with a thud that made me giggle darkly in anticipation of what was to come. I scooted back from the edge as I watched him tug off his t-shirt in one swift motion so that he stood there in his jeans and hair standing up on end from my hands in it with a dark smile that made me giggle at his desperation and the whole damn situation.

It was an intoxicating feeling to be back there, on that bed, in that room, waiting for Edward to take me, and make me his. It made me feel powerful and more beautiful than I had ever felt before. It was wrong, but our entire relationship was built on wrong so why stop now?

Our eyes met and as they did my breath caught in my throat. Edward had slowed in his haste to get undressed to almost a crawl. His hand moved lazily down to his fly and I watched with baited breath as ever so slowly he undid each button of his fly before shimmying the jeans down his narrow hips so they fell around his feet in a pile of demin.

I could not help but to look at him. His body was as I remembered with its sculpted muscles from taking stress out in the gym and running. He was still so fucking beautiful that it almost hurt to look at him. My eyes trailed in appreciation over his chest, down to the strip of hair that led to where I could see his large cock thick and hard with want as it strained against the material of his boxers. The sight of him like this made my body tingle with crazed want for the man, but yet he still delayed.

I trailed my gazed back up to his face to find him watching me with restraint. This was new for us, the restraint, the holding back. I met his heated gaze with a wordless one that showed my curiosity over his holding back from me. I watched as he slowly stepped forward towards me as it dawned upon my lust addled brain that he was giving me the chance to stop. The opportunity to go no further in this tangled mess we had made of our relationship, but I was too far gone to tell him no. I wanted him. I needed him and I was not about to deny myself or him this release.

Edward reached the bed and smiled a wicked smile at me that made my blood burn in my veins as he acknowledged that I was not backing down. I watched as he crawled upon the bed and let his eyes trail over my form leaving a path of fire while licking his lips in anticipation of what was to come.

I gasped as he grabbed my ankle and jerked my body close to his so he was kneeling between my legs with a smirk over my reaction. I could see the fire burning in his eyes as he leaned so that he was over me, until his lips hovered over mine teasingly.

"Bella," he whispered softly before brushing his lips with mine so softly that it was almost not a kiss as much as a whispered plea against my skin. I barely had time to catch my breath when his lips crashed down upon mine with the force of a man out of control. The kiss was rough and punishing and the hottest kiss I had experienced since leaving this man behind.

I tangled my hands in his hair once more as I arched my body against him, gasping at the shock of feeling his skin against mine. I wanted him closer. I wanted to feel him on me and soon Edward was crushing me into the mattress with the weight of his body as if he knew exactly what I needed, but he always had known exactly what I needed from him and that thought caused me to moan into his mouth wantonly.

I wrapped my legs around his narrow waist and groaned along with him as the position put his hard cock grinding against my overheated pussy in the most delicious manner. I gasped as his tongue thrust into my mouth as he rubbed against me teasingly. I wasn't sure how much longer I would be able to handle this form of teasing torture before I would come in a rush underneath him.

Edward thrust against me once more, causing my breath to stutter in my lungs as want took over. He released my lips and trailed a kiss down my neck, reaching the spot that he had found years ago that always drove me insane. Only Edward had ever found that exact spot and as he licked and nipped at my tender skin there I found myself spiraling out of control.

I felt his hands trail down to reach my breast, turning slightly so that he could touch me better. I hummed in happiness as his thumb grazed my taut nipple before gasping as a surge of pleasure washed over me as he tweaked my nipple roughly.

Edward pulled away from me rapidly so I was left breathless laying beneath him, wanting more of his kiss, his touch. I looked up into his eyes and I saw the hunger burning inside him blazing hot and that need added to mine, making it almost unbearable. It drove the frenzy to have him to a point where it was clawing against my skin, ripping what little control I had into shreds.

I reached up and touched his face as I attempted to pull him back down to me, but he would not move, instead he pulled me up a little so that he could reach behind me to unclasp my bra. I sighed loudly as I felt the offending garment loosen and then the rough pulling from Edward's hands to free me of the constricting black lace with greedy determination. I felt my breasts bounce free as Edward moved to quickly capture one hard nipple with his warm mouth with a gentle tug that caused my back to arch in pleasure against him.

Edward wasted no time by bringing his other hand up to cup and tweak the nipple of my neglected breast while he licked, sucked, and nipped at the one that he held captive with his talented mouth. I squirmed against him as I sunk my fingers into his silky hair so I could urge him on, but truly he needed no guidance or urging since he still knew my body better than I did even after three years apart.

I closed my eyes in bliss as he hungrily switched from one breast to another as his hand trailed down my body and cupped my lace covered pussy with his hand. The touch of his hand on me caused me to moan loudly in such a manner that I should have been embarrassed, but I wasn't. I was never embarrassed with Edward. He had always caused such reactions from me and was always so damn proud of himself for doing so that I could never be embarrassed by it.

I felt his nimble fingers push aside the damp fabric of my lace panties to stroke my wet flesh with his fingers, causing a zing of electricity to shoot through me as I bucked against his hand wildly at his touch. His fingers parted my flesh as I gasped at the contact while he released my breast with a loud pop. His lips met mine again, swallowing my low moan as his finger grazed my overexcited clit before circling my opening in a teasing manner that caused my hips to fly off the bed to meet his touch.

Edward moved again, brushing over my skin so that he was now face first in my lace covered pussy. I watched him grip the sides of my panties and tug down the lace until he was able untangle the panties from my legs with an irritated growl of frustration that made me smile. Before I could comment on his frustration his face went back between my legs as his arms wrapped round my thighs, holding them open while leaving me exposed to him. I could not move or breathe as I waited for his next move that came with consuming confidence as he leaned forward, licking me from entrance to clit in a slow claiming manner that made me hiss in pleasure.

I watched him mesmerized as his pink tongue licked at my hard clit and then dipped down to thrust inside me wildly as I squirmed against him while he held me still. It was rough and chaotic as he licked me unmercifully as if he was attempting to tame my body along with my sprit.

Just as abruptly as he started his assault of his tongue inside of me, Edward stopped licking me just as I was on the verge of coming against his tongue and its magical movements. I watched, dazed from lust, as he slowly kneeled once more between my legs. I was bare, exposed to him, and yet it was the way that he looked at me that made me feel like this was how I was meant to be with him, so there nothing vulnerable about laying there like that for him.

His green eyes held mine with a dark look. I knew that look from our time together. I knew that this was his warning that this would not be gentle or sweet, and that was fine since that was not what I wanted. I wanted him. I wanted scratches and bites. I wanted the marks. I wanted it all, so gentle and sweet would not do it for me.

My eyes trailed over his body again as I waited for his next move. He looked flushed and had the crazed look of lust in his eyes that made me wetter than I had been with anticipation of his cock inside of me. My gaze focused on his cock as it was still straining against the cotton of his blue boxer with a wet mark at the thick tip, showing his excitement from where his precum had been caught. I found myself licking my lips as I thought of kissing the thick head of his cock to taste the precum that had collected there.

I watched him pull his boxers down with a rough tug, causing his cock to spring free with a wild jerk as he kicked off his boxers impatiently before grabbing my legs to pull me to him in an angry manner.

Edward's fingers bit into my thighs as my eyes met his. I could see the need burning him up inside as the fire burned out of his eyes, causing them to shine brightly into mine as he thrust hard inside of me in one stroke.

"Oh, fuck," I mumbled in a groan as he pulled out just as rapidly and then thrust back in without allowing my body to adjust to his width and length as he filled me over and over with a driving force that was causing my eyes to cross in pleasure from it.

It was at the first twitching of an orgasm that Edward leaned over me and began to suck my neck in a deliberate manner that I knew all too well. He was marking me. He was marking me as his and as the first wave of along overdue orgasm hit me, causing me to stutter his name almost incoherently as I brought my hands up to hold his face to my neck, and urged him to mark me in any way he wanted. I wanted it as bad as I wanted him.

He continued to thrust hard into me as I clenched around him, trying to hold him inside of me as I orgasmed under his touch, but the action only seemed to prolong my high. Edward let go of my skin on my neck with a hissed _yes,_ but not before I was able to latch on to under his chin in a kiss. I wanted to mark him as well. I wanted people to know that he was mine, just like he always had been. Edward could have moved easily, denying me the opportunity, but he knew what I wanted, what I needed and stayed close as he continued to thrust inside of me while I sucked on his neck to mark him as mine greedily as he groaned loudly against me.

I could feel his thrust become more erratic as he moved us once more, breaking my kiss so that my legs were thrown upon his broad shoulders as he fucked me wildly, going deeper with each thrust as I found myself swearing and calling his name as he continued on his maddening pace to completion.

"Bella, Bella, my Bella," he whispered in a ragged sounding voice as he pounded inside of me deeply as I rolled my eyes at the intense feeling of him being so deep while the dull, sweet ache of being stretched by him caused me to moan his name as a prayer for him not to stop.

I was so close to another orgasm as I felt his hips jerk wildly as he pushed into me as deep as he could go, causing me to feel the odd stretching ache that was from him being so deep inside of me as he came hard, filling me with his seed as he cussed incoherently.

"Fuck, fuck, so fucking love you," he hissed at me as he bent me in two to fill me deeply. Edward's sweat slicked body flopped on top of mine, pining me to the mattress as his cock still throbbed inside of me wildly as I wrapped my arms around him to hold him to me. He moved slightly to wordlessly bring his hand between us to rub against my clit until I was shuddering beneath him as my orgasm over took me while he stayed firmly inside of me, holding me tightly to him as I gasped and clung to him as he kissed my neck, licking where he had left his mark on me.

The afterglow of my orgasm left me spent both physically and emotionally. I could barely keep my eyes open as I held him to me tightly as if letting go of him would mean that I would lose him forever. It was too much like the past, but I could not dwell on that. The only thing I could focus on was Edward's steady heart beat and his soft touch against my side as he stroked my sensitive skin there.

Edward gave off a heavy sigh as he slowly pulled out of me, taking with him all the cozy warmth that I was enjoying as we were wrapped up together. I found myself groaning from the lack of contact involuntarily which made Edward chuckle softly as he moved away from me, only to tug on the blankets beneath us. Before I could protest at this unwanted movement Edward had me wrapped up in his arms once more, pulling me under the covers with him. I snuggled against his damp skin happily as he held me to him so we were nose to nose, facing each other. His green eyes met mine with sleepy satisfaction and a warm intimate look that made my heart ache.

"Stay," he said simply. It wasn't a demand or a plea. It was a request and my heart fluttered over it as he wrapped his arms around me, pressing his naked form against mine so our legs tangled together. I nodded my head sleepily as my eyes drifted close as I tried to fight off sleep, but it was pointless, or so it seemed. I could feel his lips against my forehead in a soft kiss as I snuggled closer to him, enjoying the afterglow of our time together, letting it burn me as I drifted off to a dreamless sleep.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading & reviewing! **

**A special thanks goes out to IcarusToSun for betaing this mess for me. Hugs to you dear!**

**WOW! There was such a divide from the last chapter with those thinking that it was about time that Edward lost his temper with Bella to those who think that he should be strung up by the balls for talking that way to Bella. I am not sure that what to expect as a reaction from this chapter or the next one that is coming out shortly. Either way I hope you enjoyed it & that my lemon writing ability is not too rusty for you : )**

**The voting for the Avant Guarde Awards concludes on June 4****th****. Thanks to all who have voted and a special thanks to whomever nomintated Perhaps Not to be in the first place. I am deeply honored by it : ) I will let you in on a little secret… The nomination came at a great time since I have been a little disenchanted by the fandom recently so thanks for that little shot of faith to rejuvenate me : )**

**Let's see…. I haven't given any recs lately so let me dip into my magical bag of fics that I am following and see if you are interested. A special shout out of thanks to Momma Laura for inspiring me to look at fics to rec again. Ok…. Let me see…. I still love **_**Beside Still Waters **_**by Amy Zini. I don't think it's updated in a while, but it's good. Here's one and its non cannon to boot, but it appears so deliciously angst filled that I could not pass it by & you all know what an E & B fan I am. It's **_**Slow Burn **_**by givemesomevamp. It has not updated in a while, but it's worth checking out all the same. There is always **_**The Hot Corner **_**by LZTZ & D Pattinson, which is a goody. I love it & I think you will too. I am in love with the writer Thaigher Lillie and all her stories. She is e'ffing amazing! She has a great org fic called **_**Baby Doll **_**that is on The Writers Coffee Shop. It's creepy as hell and just the scares the b'jesus out of me since I know something horrible is on its way in that fic, but her fanfic that drew me in was **_**Cambion. **_** She is reworking that one and if you love a darkward this one is for you : ) I also want to suggest that you check out a dear friend of mine who is testing out her first fic. I have had the extreme honor of prereading this story so far and I think it's great. It's **_**Taken **_**by loopylou992. So show these people some love and check out their amazing stories.**

**I have not done a lot with the blog (Angst the New Fluff) recently, but I hope to change that now that things have simmered down a bit. In June our showcase fic writer is Cesca Marie. Remember her? She wrote **_**Dead on My Feet,**_** which was a great fic, so read that if you haven't yet. Ok, back to the blog…. When IcarusToSun and I created the blog it was with the idea that there was not many other blogs ( if any at all) that focused on the angst stories that we loved. I want to do more with it. Like maybe add a weekly happening… Maybe a weekly review of an angst story? Maybe take on guest reviewers and such to make this happen? What do you all think? Would anyone be interested? You tell me what you want to see on it… The address for the blog is on my authors page on . I also have the address to another blog that I try to post random things on if you are interested in my lame opinion of things and yes, I am quite opinionated : ) Just ask me what I think about self promotion overkill or mean girls of the fandom: ) That address is on my author's page as well. Anywho… I am open for ideas since I want to make that blog work : )**

**Geesh… I think this might be my longest AN to date, but before I go… where are my Mortal Instrument Series girls? What do you think about the Jace casting? Yay or Nay?**

**Until next time….**

**Take care,**

**Mamasutra**

**xoxo**


	37. Chapter 37

Disclaimer : I do not own Twilight.

BPOV

I awoke slowly to the bright lights filling the room. My mind wandered back lazily as I tried to recall why I had not shut the blinds of my make shift bedroom when reality crashed back on me. I was not home. I was not at the hotel. I was in my old bed with Edward.

My mind flooded with wicked image after image of a naked Edward fucking me into submission as I urged him on with each touch, each, groan and each utterance of his name. I opened my eyes cautiously to look around, and found Edward, wrapped around me with a slight smile on his handsome face as he slept soundly almost on top of me.

I felt a cold panic settle over me as I struggled to remain still in order to avoid waking him up since the last thing I wanted was to face him awake and coherent after fucking him in such a crazed manner. I glanced around as I plotted my escape. I needed to leave. I needed to leave and put some space between Edward and me. I needed time to think.

I carefully slipped out of his hold, replacing my form with a pillow for him to cuddle against, which he did without waking. I scanned the room for my clothes and while I could find my bra, my panties were missing. I kicked at his clothes that were strewn around the floor from when he took them off, but my panties were nowhere to be found.

I looked over at Edward's sleeping form that was starting to stir as I clasped my bra back on before leaving him sleeping on the bed that was rumpled from our love making in search of my dress that I remembered had been discarded in the front room where our kissing took a turn for the dirtier. I found my black dress tossed haphazardly across the couch, showing the haste that Edward and I had when it came to discarding our clothes for each other.

I grabbed the dress and slipped it on, tugging at the ends of it as I found myself very self conscious of the fact that I was bare beneath my dress, but I had no more time to seek out my missing panties. I needed to leave and the sooner the better. I grabbed my purse from where I had tossed it when I walked in, fished out my car keys and then left Edward, locking his door behind me.

I found myself nearly running to my car as I thought of Edward following me out. I could not face him now. I could not look him in eye at this moment because I had fucked up royally. I made it back to my car with a skittering of my heels against the pavement as I walked. I glanced over my shoulder just to make sure Edward was not watching me leave as I made my escape from what could only be considered the scene of the crime.

I drove out of the parking lot with a loud squeal of my tires as I took off, leaving him behind me once more. I could not think as I drove. I could not think about what had happened. I would not allow myself to think of it since the thought of making love to Edward made my heart race and my stomach turn over all at once.

I was barely back to the hotel when my phone rang, causing me to jump in fright as the shrill sound broke the silence around me. I parked the car in the parking lot before grabbing the phone off the seat to answer it. I looked at the caller ID since if it was Edward there was no way I could talk to him now. I let out a sigh of relief as I found Demetri's name and his picture filling the screen of my phone.

"Hey De," I said in a relived tone that made him laugh out loud at me before speaking.

"Where did you take off to with Edward? I was looking for you and then found out that you had left," he said in a teasing tone that made me shake my head no even though he couldn't see me or my reaction. I could not let Demetri find out about what I had done.

"Uh, he took me home," I stammered as I sat in the car, shifting as I felt the familiar bittersweet ache that accompanied my body after rough sex with Edward. It made me smile and grimace at the same time as I shifted uncomfortably, feeling the effects of his body on mine ripple through me.

"Really? He took you home?" De questioned me as I closed my eyes against the bright afternoon sun that seemed out of place in Seattle.

"Yes," I snapped back at him as I thought of ways to end the call so I could just get away from him as well.

"That's funny since I thought that's what he would do as well, but when I came to your room about an hour ago, you weren't there," De said as I felt my stomach drop inside of me, causing the nauseated feeling to rise up my throat. I could not let him find out what I had done since I knew, I just fucking knew he would never let me live it down.

"I left to grab lunch," I said in a rushed tone that caused De to go silent as he listened to my ragged breathing. I knew that he was aware that I was lying. He was the only one who could ever tell when I was lying and for that I hated him in this moment.

"Ok," he said in a quiet tone that told me he knew about my lie.

"What time are we to meet Edward?" he asked me, pushing me to tell him without using a word. I could feel the pressure start to build as I remained silent.

"I don't know. We never worked that out," I responded in a huff as I shifted again, feeling the ache course through me once more.

"I see. Well, don't worry; I will set that up. I will call you after I speak with him," Demetri said as if he was now distracted and for that I was thankful as I mumbled a rushed good bye to my friend.

I got out of the car and slowly walked back to the hotel. I was thankful that my days here were limited as I would be taking over what would be my new place in just a few days. Hotels were impersonal so the sooner I could leave here the better.

I walked slowly, feeling the aches from my time with Edward settle over me as I did. It was oddly comforting and yet horribly wrong for me to feel that way. I was wrong and I knew it. I was his lawyer for fucks sake and screwing him was not part of the job description. I was better than that and so was he.

I was lost in my thoughts of my fuck up as I entered the hotel. I blindly walked the hallway until I came to the door of my room. I had just slid the key card through the reader when I felt a hand descend heavy and threatening upon my shoulder, pulling me from my thought as panic washed over me rapidly.

I spun around to face my attacker in hopes of kneeing him in the balls so I could get away while every real life horror story that dad ever told me flooded my mind, but before I could make my move I came face to face with Riley. His handsome face was twisted in shock as I pushed him away from me in surprise.

"Jesus, Bella! I have been calling your name since the lobby, but you ignored me," he said as he stared at me wide eyed and uncertain over my reaction to his touching. I hadn't heard him at all. I was too lost in my thoughts of Edward.

"Sorry," I mumbled to him as I turned back to the opened door of my room with an awkward wave.

"I tried calling you, but it went to voice mail. We were supposed to have brunch and when you didn't show I came here," he said softly as he motioned around him. I vaguely remembered agreeing to meet with him last night before I went into the strip club.

I grabbed my phone and clicked upon the missed calls to find five missed calls from Riley. They all occurred while I was in Edward's bed. An image of Edward with his eyes wild with want as he unclasped my bra flashed through my mind, causing me to shudder from the memory of it. I felt sick suddenly, as if I had somehow cheated on Riley by fucking Edward. It was horrible sick feeling since I knew if he ever found out where I had been instead of answering his call he would be hurt by it.

"Are you ok?" he asked me in a concerned tone as he stepped closer, causing me to step away from him as I opened the door to the room before walking in.

"I'm fine," I mumbled as he followed me into the room, watching with his eyes as I tried to distance myself from him.

"Do you still want to go out for lunch?" he asked me in a hopeful tone that made me feel worse. I opened my mouth to decline his offer, but couldn't find the words to tell him no. Unfortunately Riley mistook my delay in response as a yes since before I could move Riley had me wrapped in a tight hug that pulled me off the ground with its happiness.

I panicked as he held me, breathing me in since I could only imagine that I must smell like Edward and sex since that was how I had spent my morning.

"Oh, Bella," he whispered against my skin, causing my stomach to drop once more since I knew this would happen. This was so like Riley to come in and just assume that everything could be fixed that easy.

"Put me down," I stammered and as he slowly lowered me to the ground once more I grabbed hold of my short black dress in an effort to keep from giving him a show in the middle of my hotel room.

"Riley, you're getting ahead of yourself here. I never said…" I started to say, trying to explain that I never said we were fine. We were far from fine and my morning spent with Edward was proof of that.

"I know," he said with a bright smile that made the sick feeling inside of me rise again. I hated to give him hope since I wasn't sure if I could be with him again. I wasn't sure if I could ever be with him again without thinking of him and Erin. I wasn't sure of anything now, especially after my morning with Edward.

I looked at Riley and all at once I wondered how he was able to do it. How was he able to stand before me in the airport that night after fucking Erin and not puke at my feet? How could he have had such a cold heart that he could've gone home with me that night after being with her hours earlier? While I could barely look at him as he stood before me, looking so fucking so hopeful about a possible reconciliation, all the while not knowing that I had spent my morning in Edward's bed.

I watched as Riley took a seat upon an uncomfortable couch while telling me he would wait while I showered. I was about to protest this when there was another knock on the door. I knew it had to be Demetri since who else would be here at this time.

I crossed the room rapidly, just so fucking happy to have a distraction from Riley since I knew Demetri would cause him to leave with his barbed remarks. I could always count on De and that thought made me open the door with a bright smile to welcome him.

"Thank goodness…" I started to say with a smile as I opened the door to find Edward standing there looking more surprised than what I felt.

"Bella, you left and I wanted to talk about what happened. I wanted you to know…" Edward rambled nervously as he ran a hand through his tangled hair, causing it to stand up on end. It was obvious that he hadn't showered yet by how rumpled he looked. It made him look sexy in an undefined way.

"Who's at the door, babe?" Riley called as he approached the door behind me with a grin. I watched Edward's face and a mask of cold confidence replace what had been a nervous look. It made my stomach flip flop inside of me as I realized that Edward had heard him and now could see Riley as he stood directly behind me.

"Biers?" he asked me in a taunting tone that made my heart ache from the scowl on his face.

"What are you doing here?" Riley asked him in a threatening tone as I stood there, silent and praying that I was sleeping instead of facing both men.

"Don't worry about it," he replied in a harsh tone, but Edward's green eyes never left mine and they shined with betrayal. I was at a loss for words as Riley glared at Edward while Edward stared at me, waiting for me to speak, to say something, anything, but I couldn't.

"Did you come here to cry to Bella about your face?" Riley taunted him, but Edward did not rise to the obvious bait. I looked at Edward with a question. I had asked him about his black eye and he had not told me that Riley was the cause of it.

"Are you ok?" I managed to ask him as he stared at me with his green eyes burning my skin.

"I've had worse," he whispered to me while he shook his head no at me, causing me to look away. I couldn't stand his intense gaze any longer as he stood before me.

"Why don't you get out of here then," Riley said in an irritated growl that caused me to roll my eyes at his stupid attempt to lay some claim to me.

"Yes, of course, but first, I need to return these to Bella. She had forgotten them," Edward said with a dark chuckle that I knew all too well. I felt his hand reach out and grab hold of my hand in his. The touch of his skin burned against mine as I thought of how he touched me that morning with those fingers.

Edward pried my fingers opened and placed a wadded piece of fabric in the palm of my hand before closing my fingers around it. I looked at his face and for a brief moment I could see the flicker of pain before anger settled back over his beautiful features. His eyes locked with mine as he squeezed my hand in his for a moment before letting go of me so abruptly that I almost toppled over from the lack of his touch against mine. Once he let go of my hand he turned and stomped down the hall towards the lobby to leave.

"What the hell was that?" Riley asked me as I stood there, watching Edward's retreating figure disappear out of sight. I could not respond. I couldn't speak since it felt like my heart was in my throat.

I felt Riley's hand upon mine and the contrast in his touch and Edward's was like going from the heat of fire to the coldness of ice. I couldn't stop him from prying open my fingers to see what Edward had given me even as I told him it was none of his business, but that did not stop him.

I fought against his prying fingers until he finally pulled the fabric loose from my grip. I watched him unfold the rumpled fabric with shock to find my missing black lace panties that I had left behind at Edward's house this morning unfurl in his hand as Riley gawked at me in shock.

"What the fuck is this?" he demanded from me as he waved my lace panties in front of me as if I was the one who had betrayed him, but I couldn't answer him since my mind was with the other angry man who had stomped away from me in fury.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading and reviewing!**

**Thanks to IcarusToSun to betaing this hot mess!**

**Until next time…**

**Take care,**

**Mamasutra**

**xoxo**


	38. Chapter 38

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

BPOV

"What the fuck, Bella!" Riley exclaimed as he waved my panties in my face as if they proved something when really they didn't.

"Give them to me!" I hissed at him as I tried to snatch them out of his hands, but Riley

kept them just out of my reach like it was some childish, sick game.

"You fucked him, didn't you?" he demanded from me as I finally snatched my panties away from him. His eyes were blazing with pain and anger as he stared at me in an accusatory manner that made me want to cringe.

"That's none of your business," I replied as I gripped the panties tighter in my hand as I moved towards the door once more in efforts to get Riley out of here.

"As your boyfriend it is," he said back in a sarcastic manner that made me roll my eyes.

"You gave up your rights to have a say in anything I do the minute you stuck your dick in Erin," I said back with a smart ass laugh that had always irritated him. My words seemed to shock him into silence as I reminded him of his transgressions. I snickered at his shocked look as I turned to open the door to show him out.

"You're right, I may not have a say, but I bet the Washington State Bar Association might," Riley replied with his eyes burning bright and a dark smile across his face.

"Whatever," I replied calmly while inside I was dying. He was right. The Bar Association might have a lot to say about sex with a client and some of their choice words to me might include _sanction_ or _disbarment_. I felt my stomach bottom out while I plastered my best fake smile across my face.

"Did you fuck him?" he asked me harshly as if the words left a bitter taste in his mouth. I shook my head no at him while rolling my eyes to show him how ludicrous of an idea that was.

"Get out!" I yelled at him in anger as I motioned towards the door. Riley stood there, staring at me as if he was confused.

"I don't get it, Bella, I just don't get it," he said as he shook his head as if in disbelief while he watched me so closely.

"I was good to you. I was there when _he_ wasn't," Riley started to stammer as my chest constricted over his words since they were true. He had been there when Edward was nowhere to be found and he was good to me, but I had no idea at the time how Edward lurked in the shadows, taking care of me inspite of everything that was going on between us. Maybe if I had known about what was going on things would have been different for us, but that was just one more piece of our past I could not change.

"I love you, yet I make one fucking mistake and you just…" he stammered and then ran a hand through his hair as if the words hurt him to say.

"Riley," I managed to say in an effort to cut him off since my patience was reaching its limits as my temper took over.

"I told you when we started our relationship that cheating was a deal breaker. I even gave you an out if you ever wanted another woman. I told you all you had to do was tell me and we would be over, no hard feelings, but you just couldn't do that," I managed to say as my throat closed around the words.

"I know I fucked up, but I can't stand the idea that there is no more for us. Jesus, Bella, you're just…," he said softly to me as his eyes met mine in a pleading manner. I had no words for him after that statement since while I could not see me with him anymore; I also could not imagine my life without him.

"It's not just your decision, Ri, and right now I just can't see it," I said with a strong voice as I felt sick inside over his threat. He stepped closer to me as I stepped away from him automatically. I watched his face fall as I moved in reaction to his proximity to me before he turned to leave me alone with the threat of contacting the bar association lingering in the air.

I watched the door close and as it did panic settled over me. I could not think about Riley's declaration, instead I was consumed by the epic fuck up I had done. I had done the unthinkable and leave it to Riley to bring attention to that fact. I had sex with a client. Edward was my client first and foremost, not just a man from my past, yet I had totally disregarded that. I slowly sat down in the chair next to me as my legs were too shaky to stand for much longer as I allowed my epic fuck up to wash over me.

I stood up as if I was on auto pilot and walked slowly towards the bedroom. I needed to think. I needed to come to terms with my own stupidity in the matter. I shuffled through my clothes as I picked out jeans and a shirt to wear for the day while my mind processed everything that had happened in the last twenty-four hours.

I walked into the bathroom and started the shower. I could smell Edward still on my skin as I stood there slowly stripping off my dress and bra in front of the mirror. I allowed my eyes to wander over my form until I focused on the small red mark on my neck that Edward had made.

_Edward. _I could still smell him on my skin and as much as I hated to wash away his scent I needed to if I ever wanted to make a rational decision concerning him. Demetri was right, I always had made the worst decisions concerning him and I continued on that horrible path.

I stepped into the shower and sighed as the hot sting of water washed over me. Edward was right. I was equally wrong in what had been our relationship, but never admitted it. I had loved our time together and just knew in my heart that he would choose me over Jess, after all, when had I ever lost anything in my life? I hadn't. I had won every competition and every scholarship I had ever applied for. Edward was my one and only loss. He also was the one and only person I had ever wanted, so losing him was hard.

I washed over my skin gently as I thought about his words from the morning. I had never thought about him hurting. I knew that he had so called obligation to his family, but at the time I had no idea how deep they ran. I had no idea how truly messed up his family was and how impossible it was for him to avoid their wishes. I wondered if Carlisle ever felt guilty for offering his son up as a sacrifice to his power hungry father. I wondered how Esme had missed all of it or if she was just as guilty as Carlisle.

My mind trailed back to my conversation with Edward in his apartment before I sidetracked him with a kiss. He wanted me to admit my wrong doing. He wanted me to confess that I was just as wrong as he was. For three years I had clung to the idea that I was not wrong, that I had been used by a man who carelessly tossed me aside for another. I had held tight to the idea that all wrongs fell upon Edward's shoulders and I was just an innocent party to it. I held my head high and tried to absolve my sins of being the other woman by going into family law, by righting the wrong I had been a part of in my own personal life. I had told myself that with every victory I had over a cheating husband or wife, I was righting the wrongs I had been a party to, but that wasn't the real case. The twisted sense of righteousness I would get with each victory wasn't because I had won. There was more to it and I knew it even though I never admitted it to myself and no one called me out on yet.

I turned off the water and stepped out to dry off; with each movement I made the subtle ache from muscles stretched and used reminded me of Edward. My mind filled with the image of his face when I answered the door to find him standing there. He had looked so nervous as he started to speak only to turn so cold once Riley appeared, but what was the most vivid to me was the betrayal that burned in his eyes. He had to think that I had run off to Riley and that was not the truth. I had left because I needed space. I needed time. I had not expected Riley to be at my room when I returned. I sure as hell had not expected Edward to follow me back and want to talk since that was not our usual interaction, but to be honest Edward wasn't acting like his old self at all. He had been kind and caring, much like how he was before our relationship went to hell, it was me who was acting horribly now. I had shut him out at every turn and then pushed him in bed just to prove that nothing had changed. That he hadn't changed.

I got dressed quickly, knowing that I needed to find him. I needed to tell Edward that I was sorry, and that I was wrong.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading! A special thanks goes out to IcarusToSun for her mad beta skills and just for being a great friend over all. Hugs to you dear!**

**Until next time…**

**Take care,**

**Mamasutra**

**xoxo**


	39. Chapter 39

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

BPOV

I tried to call him since talking to him by phone would be the coward's way to attempt to apologize so that was what I first opted for, but of course Edward would not answer my call. It went straight to voice mail where I left a stutter filled message, telling him we needed to talk. I knew it wasn't good enough. I had been raised right, even if at times people had to question that fact. I knew better. I knew that if I wanted him to believe me that I needed him to see that I was truly sorry and that would come from being face to face with him.

I slowly walked back out to my car, knowing that there was no anger that was urging me on to race to him, no heat, just the cold blanket of regret and knowing that I was wrong. I drove and as I did thought about how I had never admitted I was wrong before. Maybe Edward was right. Maybe my ego was out of control.

I parked in the parking garage and looked for Edward's car as I walked towards his building. I found it immediately so I knew he was here if he happened not to let me in, not that it would matter. I would still find a way to talk to him even if he refused me. I would think of something. I always did.

The walk up to the building was hard since I knew that he would be less than happy to see me, and why would I expect anything else? I knew what it had to look like to him as he saw Riley in my room. It looked horrible and I knew it.

At the door of the building there was no one there to just let me in like last time so I had no choice except to ring Edward for access. I debated if I should wait for someone, but then found my backbone enough to push the button to call him. There was a long pause before he answered and as the minutes passed I wondered if he would leave me standing on the sidewalk just to avoid me. The small voice inside my head told me that it would only be fair if he did.

"Yes?" I heard his voice a bored tone that surprised me. I expected something more, but what it was that I expected I wasn't sure. Hell, I wasn't sure of anything anymore.

"Hey…. It's me, Bella," I stammered into the microphone, hoping like hell that I sounded more put together to him than how I sounded to my own ears. After I spoke there was complete silence. I waited, holding my breath for what seemed like hours, but could have only been seconds before I heard the soft sigh of resignation. Edward said nothing more, but instead buzzed me inside the building.

I opened the glass door with a shaky hand. I didn't know what to expect. Would he be that furious Edward who left my room or would he be someone else all together? I didn't know him like I thought I had. He was different. He had changed in the last three years and the thought that I had missed that put a small ache in my chest. I hated that somehow throughout it all he had changed; he had grown, and I hadn't.

I slowly made my way to the stairs and as I did I thought of what Demetri had told me. He had told me at the time when I basically left Edward after his wedding that I would only move on from Edward once I fully let him go, but until then I would forever be trapped in the vicious cycle that we had created with each other. At the time I thought I had let him go. I did just what Edward had accused me of. I had gotten rid of everything he had touched in my life, except for the necklace he gave me and some love letters that I stashed in the bottom of my jewelry box. I left my job. I moved out of state. I started anew, but I had never actually let him go. I clung to his memory like a warm blanket on a cold night.

I never let him go as I made decisions concerning my career. I thought of him everytime a man asked me out or when I picked out my place close to the beach, because I remembered how much he loved the beach. Edward was the reason why over my mantle in California there was a picture of the Seattle skyline since I knew somewhere in that picture he was there even if I couldn't see him.

I had thought of Edward every day and randomly as life happened for me. I would spend time wondering how he was and if he ever thought of me as well. I was so consumed in my thoughts of Edward that I had never moved on, never grew and yet he had, which implied that he had let me go and the thought of that caused me to pick up the pace of my death march to his apartment door.

I found myself sick to my stomach over the idea that Edward had moved on without me. I raced up the stairs until I was standing in front of his door, pounding loudly at the metal there, demanding that he hear me out. He opened the door slowly and met my panic with a cautious look on his face.

"What?" he asked me as he eyed me suspiciously. I had hurt him, I knew this, and I only hoped I could correct this.

"Edward," I said breathlessly as I met his gaze with an earnest one of my own.

"May we talk now?" I asked him as he watched me with his eyes devoid of emotion. My heart sank within my chest as I noticed how firmly in place his cold mask was. I waited for a moment before Edward nodded, granting me access into the apartment once more.

"Edward, just hear me out, ok," I started to say, but he stopped me by immediately quizzing me in a condescending manner.

"What? Was Riley too busy to stay?" he asked me, mockingly as I gawked at him and his cold anger.

"I never invited Riley over. He just showed up and I was so flustered that I let him in like an idiot and then you showed up…" I started to say, but never finished as Edward silenced me with a hard kiss that left me breathless. His hands were cupping my face, holding me there to him until he pulled back slowly, giving me just enough space to speak.

"You never called him?" he asked me in a tense tone that had a flicker of hope as his eyes held mine in a steady gaze , as if he was trying to call my bluff.

"No. I never called him. I wouldn't have, Edward," I whispered almost against his lips as he leaned closer to kiss me once more, causing my head to spin while his hands held my head firmly in place.

"Edward," I mumbled against his lips as he kissed me hard again and again, making it difficult to breathe as he pressed me close.

I wanted to tell him I was sorry that I hurt him. I wanted to tell him that I was wrong, but he wasn't allowing me the opportunity. It was as if all he needed to hear to ease his anxiety was that I had not called Riley over.

Edward's lips moved against mine as he walked me backwards until my back hit the wall, holding me in place against him as he leaned over and kissed me breathless. It was demanding and yet endearing as he clung to me. I brought my hands up to hold his forearms as he held my head with his fingers wrapped in my hair.

I opened my mouth beneath his kisses only to have Edward quickly plunge his tongue into my mouth in a teasing manner that made my knees go weak. I knew I should stop him, but I just didn't have the will to. It was always like that with Edward. The burn of his touch would always melt any doubt while robbing me of all reason when we kissed. It was painful, beautiful and I couldn't stop him when he was so determined like this any more than I could stop the earth from turning.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading! Oh my goodness! So many believed that Edward was up to no good after he left Bella behind, but he wasn't, he just went home instead. **

**Sorry to say that this update is it for the weekend since I have not had any time to write, plus I am sure IcarusToSun has a life, unlike myself :) I promise to pick up once more next week.**

**Thanks to IcarusToSun for her awesome betaing and extreme kindness **

**Thanks to all of you that have showed my friends some kindness by checking out their stories: )**

**Until next time…**

**Take care,**

**Mamasutra**

**xoxx**


	40. Chapter 40

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

BPOV

Edward had me pinned between the wall and his hard frame as he kissed me into silence, but I couldn't allow it. I needed him to know, so I continued to struggle against him until finally he relented by letting go of me enough to drag me over to the couch. He sat down and then pulled me down beside him so that I was nearly upon his lap while his hands continued to hold me, touch me, be connected to me in some manner, which only made coherent thought more difficult for me.

"Edward," I managed to stutter as he pulled me closer to kiss along my neck as his hands skimmed under my shirt to rub the sensitive skin along my waist, which caused me to shudder in his arms. I needed to speak before I lost the ability to talk by the power of his touch.

"Shhh," he mumbled against my skin as he nipped at the red bruise that he had given me earlier. He seemed enthralled with his mark on my skin as he kissed me reverently there.

The feeling he was awakening inside of me were warm and delicious that spread through me like hot honey, but I could not let this happen again. Sure, I wanted him. I wanted to feel his skin against mine. I wanted to lose time and awareness by getting lost in his touch, but as I closed my eyes I could only see Riley's angry and hurt face.

I knew Riley and I knew that he would turn me in. I knew he would. He would do it, to punish me, and to punish Edward. He would do it to show not only me, but also Edward that we were not untouchable.

I slowly began to push against Edward's chest, trying to get him to stop. We couldn't do this, not now, not ever really, but he just continued kissing my neck. His warm lips against my skin as his hard body pressed against mine left me breathless and filled with want. His touch always had a way of robbing me of any further thought so I continued to try to move him off of me.

"Edward, we can't," I managed to whisper in a soft moan as he shifted again so I could feel him, achingly hard while pressed against my belly. It was creating a delicious ache inside of me to feel him like that, so ready and so willing to fulfill my wants.

"Yes, we can," he whispered back teasingly against my skin as I felt his hand slide along my rib cage until he was cupping one breast in his large hand. He moved one more to capture my lips with his as he swallowed the low moan that escaped me.

This was what I had wanted. This feeling, this man, but as usual it was all wrong. Maybe that's how it would always be with Edward.

"Bella," he whispered against my lips so softly almost like a prayer more than a question and it was his voice that gave me focus once more. I could not allow myself to get swept up in the sex and want that always surrounded us. I couldn't let myself get caught up in the storm that was Edward and me since I wasn't the only one who would suffer this time. Edward would suffer. He would lose half his trust if I wasn't focused and I was not about to let that happen to him.

I slowly found the strength to push him away. Edward looked surprised as I held him away from me with my hands firmly on his chest as I stumbled off his lap to stand up. He quickly followed suit, standing before me with an astonished look upon his handsome face.

"We can't Edward," I said firmly as he looked at me with a shocked look upon his face.

"You came here. You chose me…" he sputtered in surprise as he shook his head, clearing the lust from his eyes.

"I did come here because I didn't want you to think that I had called Riley over after being intimate with you. I needed you to know that I had thought about what you had said," I replied as he watched me. The expression on his face changed from shock to uncertainty.

"You're right, Edward," I managed to stutter as we stood there together with my hands still firmly pressed against his hard chest. I could feel the pounding of his heart through my touch as I continued to talk.

"You're right. I wasn't the only victim. I was horrible and cruel to you. I pushed and pulled. I wanted more than what you were willing to give and when you didn't I became unholy pissed off about it. It was unfair and I was wrong," I stammered as I tried to look him in the eye as the sick feeling in my stomach intensified.

"I could have walked away. I could have said no. I could have done a lot of things, but instead I just kept going until there was no other way out but to run and it was wrong. I should have left you alone and maybe if I had you would be happy," I stammered as I watched his emotionless expression morph into one of confusion over my statement.

"You could have had a better chance with Jess if I was not around, if I hadn't pushed the matter," I offered lamely and then watched him shake his head no at me before opening his mouth to speak, but I stopped him quickly.

"Either way, it doesn't matter since what's done is done and I can't change that now," I finished softly, leaving us both in silence.

"I just wanted you to know that you were right and that I'm sorry," I whispered softly, filling the silence around us with the heaviness of my apology.

I could not look at him after I spoke since it was just too close, too intimate for me. I knew logically this man knew my body better than I did, but in that moment I was bare before him spiritually and that was intimidating since he could see every flaw within my soul.

I stood there in silence, waiting for his remarks, but instead he remained quiet. It was nerve wracking and then softly, I felt his hand ghost across my arm until he finally cupped my face within his hands, forcing me to look at him. I met his green eyes with trepidation as I fully expected to find them filled with triumph over my apology, but instead they were dark with their own remorse.

It was easy to get lost in his eyes since they held so many doorways into whatever Edward induced fantasy that I could dream up, but in that moment in time there was no fantasy, there was only remorse and forgiveness for crimes that we had perpetrated against each other.

I didn't know that I was crying until Edward wiped a few stray tears off my cheek with the whispered lament that he never wanted to make me cry again, which only brought more tears from me. Slowly Edward leaned closer until his forehead was pressed against mine as he still continued to hold me as I now found myself clutching him to me instead of pushing him away.

I wasn't sure how long we stood there in our awkward embrace before I finally found the strength to speak once more.

"We can't do this anymore," I whispered to him as I felt his whole body stiffen against mine. I slowly began untangling myself from his grasp.

"Bella, don't" he whispered in a plea as I pushed against him.

"We can't do this and you know that," I said to him softly as I held his dark, green gaze that was filled with defiance.

"I'm your attorney and…" I started to say as I watched him roll his eyes at me over my statement.

"I'm also your friend," I stammered, ill at ease with the situation I had created as I stepped back from him, putting the distance between us that was needed. I walked closer to his door as Edward remained silent.

"We were never just friends, Bella," Edward said in almost a whisper as I opened the door to walk away while not looking back at the man I was leaving behind.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading! I am sorry it took me a month to update. Would you believe me if I told you that time just got away from me? **

**Thanks to IcarustoSun and Loopylou992 for all their hard work on reading and rereading this hot mess! Love to both of you girls! **

**Until next time…**

**Take care,**

**Mamasutra**

**xoxo**


	41. Chapter 41

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

EPOV

Bella left me behind before I could react to her words. I was standing there hard from wanting her and stunned by her words, as she walked away from me once more. I found myself punching the wall in frustration over her need to leave me again. I was so fucking sick of her leaving.

I walked over and flopped down on the couch cradling my bruised hand as I reached for my phone. There was no way in hell I was letting Bella walk away from me again. I had made that mistake once and I wouldn't do it again.

I dialed her number over and over again. Each time it would go directly to voice mail. I fucking hated when she avoided me like this. It was too much like how we used to interact with each other and I never wanted to revisit that time again.

Well into the evening I kept calling her. It was me trying to give her space by not going to her hotel room, yet letting her know that I wasn't going anywhere. It was a fine line to walk and truly, when it came to Bella I had no idea if what I was doing was right or not.

At nine o'clock I texted Bella one last time to let her know that I was still here and that I wished her sweet dreams. I wasn't expecting a response from her since I had not received one all day. When my phone chimed back notifying me of a text I discovered it was from Bella. I found my hands shaking as I opened what she had sent to me.

_We need to talk tomorrow. Sweet dreams- B_

My heart pounded wildly in my chest as I read her words. I hated and loved that she wanted to talk tomorrow. I knew what it would be about. It would be about our lovemaking.

I found myself letting out a tired sigh as I read her words. I knew her better than anyone and I knew that she would be upset by it. Bella always over thought everything. It was charming and maddening all at the same time.

That night I crawled back into the rumpled Bella scented sheets of my bed while thinking of the girl who should have been at my side. Her flowery scent mingled with sex brought me sweet dreams of her pressed against me while I attempted to sleep.

I awoke in the morning to storm clouds brewing outside. It seemed fitting since it matched the storm brewing within me at the moment.

I got out of bed and showered to start my day. I convinced myself that with all the work I had waiting for me, I could keep myself busy while waiting for Bella. I dressed and then left the apartment for the day. I repeatedly reminded myself that I had spent three years without a single word from her so a few more hours would be nothing as I stood in line at a coffee shop for a bagel and coffee. This became my mantra throughout the morning as attempted to work. But no matter how much I tried to fool myself I knew the truth.

I knew that what Bella had said the night before was right. We should have never been together like that. We weren't ready to just jump back into an intimate relationship together. I wasn't ready for it and it sure as hell was not how I had pictured my first time back with Bella.

I won't deny that I dreamed of being with her again. I wanted a chance to hold her and kiss her once more. I wanted more than that. I wanted a chance to fix my mistakes and make her understand that it was always only her, but yesterday having her in bed the way I did ruined any chance of that.

Being with Bella was always more than I could take. She overwhelmed me with the taste of her skin and the feel of her hands on me. It was like a she had released three years of longing and pent up sexual frustration when she touched me. I was lost to my own want as I fucked her like a crazed man. It wasn't how I pictured our first time back together at all.

In my mind, I always pictured our first time after our three year separation as tender. It would be my chance to love her properly. To worship her the way she deserved. Instead, I just ended up taking her like a damn animal. That's not to say that it wasn't good. It was amazing, but not what I wanted with her.

The day passed without a word from Bella. As the day went on disappointment and then despair washed over me. I could not keep my mind on my tasks at hand as I thought about how I had failed her once more. I knew she was right when she told me that it was unethical for her to be with me while she was representing me. It was unethical and backwards, but then again that was always Bella and my relationship. When she was an intern we shouldn't have been together either since it was my family's law firm that she worked for as well as had a scholarship from. We had always been wrong, not that it ever stopped us from being together. Nothing did back then, but now everything was different.

I was lost in thoughts of Bella as I started to close up my office for the night. I had just locked the door and stepped out into the hall when I noticed a man approaching me. My heart fell as my irritation rose once I realized it was Demetri.

"Hey man, you got a minute?" he asked me as he approached with a smile on his face that just seemed off. He didn't need to say a word; I knew Bella had sent him to talk to me instead of calling me herself.

"Yeah, sure," I replied. Even I could hear the defeat in my voice as I turned to leave with him. Demetri remained silent as we walked out in the cold, damp winter air that was Seattle in January. We walked down the block to the closest bar. It was one I used to frequent with Bella during our law school days before I chased her away.

We reached the door and Demetri opened it before motioning for me to enter in ahead of him. I walked in and was instantly greeted by a wave of nostalgia as I looked around the dimly lit bar.

It was as if time had stood still in this place. Nothing had really changed. It was filled with men and women in business attire drinking and talking over the sound of music that played softly in the back ground. I could hear the clinking of glasses and the low grumbling of people complaining about their work day. I spotted the dimly hallway into which I used to pull Bella into the shadows there to kiss her when I could resist her no longer. It was too much.

I shook my head to clear my thoughts as I followed Demetri to a table away from the other patrons so we would have some privacy to speak freely. I sat down across from him as he waved the waitress over to take our drink orders. I remained silent as he ordered us both beers with vodka chasers.

"So, Bella sent you to do her dirty work, huh?" I asked him with an edge to my voice as my anger flared inside of me. This was so Bella. She ran away from everything.

"No, she wanted to be here. I told her not to come," he said with a laugh as he watched the waitress walk away before turning back towards me.

"You told her not to meet me?" I asked him incredulously. I could not believe that he would do that to me.

"Yeah, I told her not to come and when she disagreed with me, I left Felix to deal with her," he said with a laugh that made me shake my head. I knew better than most that Bella hated being told what to do, so the idea of Felix basically detaining her from being here was a little amusing.

"Listen man, you both do the dumbest things together. It's really kind of shocking, or well at least it shocks me," he said with a sad shake of his head as I opened my mouth to protest his claim.

"Before you refute this well known fact I will tell you that I know the two of you had sex the other day," he said as the waitress walked up with our two bottles of beer and shots of vodka. We remained silent as she sat them on the table and then Demetri paid her along with a generous tip.

"Bella…" I started to say, but he silenced me once more.

"Bella never told me, but I could tell so I asked her. It was after a lot of badgering that she finally broke down and told me about it," he said with a slight laugh.

"She distracted you with sex and it kind of blew up in her face, just like I told her it would if she had sex with you now, but what the fuck do I know," he muttered with a tired sigh as he grabbed the bottle of beer to take a long drink off of it.

"Listen man, you and Bella have to leave it alone. Right now I don't think either one of you can do that," he said as he ran a hand through his hair in a nervous manner as I took a long pull off my beer.

"I mean, I know the draw is there. It always has been. You know," he rambled as he watched the young waitress walk by with a slight smile for us that made Demetri smile at her.

"I think we can manage to…" I started to say, but his laughter silenced me.

"You think you can manage?" He cackled loudly as some of the patrons turned to look at us in surprise over the loud sound he made.

"You two are barely left alone and you go from being at each other's throats to in each other's pants," Demetri said with a laugh as I found myself picking that the label on my beer bottle.

"Jesus," I heard him mutter before downing his shot of vodka with a grunt from the burn of alcohol in his throat.

"You know how I feel about her," I managed to say as I reached for my own shot glass and downed it quickly. I hissed at the burn in my throat from the powerful alcohol I had just ingested.

"I know, man. I know," he said as he looked at me with a softened expression.

"I know you love her and I know you want her. I haven't forgotten that," he said as I felt heat rush to my face. I wasn't sure if the heat was from the alcohol or from the emotion of knowing that Demetri knew how I felt about Bella.

"I also know it's wrong to be together now and you know that too," he finished saying as he waved for the girl to bring us another shot.

"It isn't just wrong, which it is, you know. It's dangerous," he said as he reached for his beer once more.

"I know that it is frowned upon to have a relationship with a client," I said as he laughed at my choice of words.

"Frowned upon," I could hear him mutter with a laugh.

"It's frowned upon to represent your family or friends. It's unethical as hell to fuck your client," Demetri said as I cringed over his choice of words.

"I know, but I think…" I started to stammer as I thought of an explanation as to why what we did was ok, but there was none. He was right and I was caught by it.

"She's worried you know," he said in an off handed manner as he stared at me with a serious look in his eyes.

"What about?" I asked as I thought back to my time with her. I hadn't used a condom. I assumed that she was on the pill just like she had been when we were together. Maybe I had been wrong in my assumptions.

"She's worried that Riley knows," he said as I looked away from him. I took a drink of beer to cover my laughter. Yeah, he probably knew. I gave her panties back in front of him just so he would know.

"You know he could report her, right?" Demetri said as he looked at me with a scowl.

"Report her to whom?" I asked with a snort as he rolled his eyes at me.

"Oh, I don't know, the bar association," Demetri said as I snorted again. The bar association could do nothing about it. There were no rules concerning sex with clients in the State of Washington. They couldn't do anything to her and I knew that.

"They can't touch her if he reports her. I would have to report her since I am the one it directly affects. It is me that she is representing and I wouldn't do that," I said with a laugh as Demetri shook his head at me and my arrogance over the whole situation between Bella and me.

"Yeah, that's true, but if he reports her then she would be known as the sleazy divorce attorney that screws her clients. Her reputation would be lost as well as any credibility that she might have had," Demetri said with a cold tone. The truth in his words silenced me.

He was right. While the bar association couldn't sanction her for any wrong doing, the legal community would. She would be the laughing stock of Seattle over this and that thought was sobering. I had worked so hard to protect her only to end it all for her because of my foolish anger.

"He wouldn't do it," I replied, trying to sound confident, however the uncertainty could be heard in my voice. I didn't know if he would or not.

"If he loves her like he claims then he would never hurt her like that," I said as anger washed over me. I would end Riley Biers if he hurt Bella.

"I agree with you and yeah, I think he loves her. I think his threat is just a weak, jealous attempt to manipulate her," Demetri said while watching me. I reached for my beer to take another long drink, emptying it in the process. I flagged the waitress over to order another while he remained silent.

"It's not Riley I'm worried about," Demetri said in a quiet tone as he watched me closely.

"Then who? Are you suggesting that I would do such a thing? I would never hurt her like that! I know how much her career means to her. I would never…" I stammered angrily as he watched me.

"Your grandfather" he stated simply. I shook my head no. I knew grandfather was manipulative and calculating. He was also wrong about a lot of things. But he would never take money away from the law firm. While it was pathetic, but Bella was now money to him.

"No," I said firmly as I shook my head.

"He wouldn't do it. She is too profitable," I replied as I nodded thanks to the waitress for the fresh bottle of beer.

"Yeah, well so are the Stanleys" Demetri said before finishing off his bottle to start on the new one.

"He wouldn't do it," I restated as I tossed back the shot of vodka, this time enjoying the burn that came with it.

"You say that, but we both know…" he said as he trailed off his thought to take a pull off his long neck bottle. Demetri was right. Grandpa was capable of anything.

"Edward, I am just saying there is a lot to lose here and not just Bella's reputation. There is half of your trust fund. There is…" he started to say as I stopped him.

"I know what's on the line here," I snapped back at him angrily.

"Ok, then," De said with a nod of his head as he chuckled softly. I knew what he was doing. He was letting me down gently. He was telling me that Bella would be unavailable to me. I knew why. That did not take away the sting from the knowledge that she would be avoiding me now.

"She can't hide from me," I said softly in defiance as his dark brown eyes, so similar to Bella's. met mine.

"She's my lawyer. She can't hide from me," I restated as he shook his head at me while laughing at me like he always did.

"She can and will until this blows over," he said as he watched me with sad eyes that made me sick.

"I just…" I stammered like a fool, but really there was nothing to say. How could I explain to him that I just needed her? How could I tell him that the idea of having her so close, yet so far away once more was maddening.

"I know," Demetri said in a somber tone. With a knowing look, he turned away from me, allowing me the privacy to wallow in my self pity before having to put on the pretense of not caring that Bella would be just out of my reach once more.

**AN:**

**Thanks to 3c Cullen to betaing this hot mess!**

**Until next time…**

**Take care,**

**Mamasutra**


	42. Chapter 42

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

**Warning! This chapter has not been properly beta'd. You will discover that I have a love for too long of sentences, missing words and comma craziness. As a side note I love Shock Top & Blue Moon beer only on tap, mixed drinks that include vodka and Rob Pattinson, preferably in various states of undress.**

BPOV.

The days were passing since my encounter with Edward. I kept myself busy, extremely busy as I attempted to put as much distance between Edward and me as I could even though I still had to remain in touch with him concerning his case. It was actually easier than what I had thought it would be with assigning interns to contact him and then correspondence by email.

It was only at night that I had a moment to myself to think about him. It was in those moments that I missed him. It was like California all over again, except this time there was no Riley to distract me.

Riley continued to call me and with each phone call I felt bad since it was giving him a glimmer of hope that maybe we could piece ourselves back together. I wasn't sure if that was what I wanted. I wasn't sure about anything anymore.

My limited time with Edward had fucked with my head. I knew things now that I should have known three years ago. I should have known that Edward had sent the doctor to care for my father or even that he had for dad's medical bills. I should have known that while choosing the firm was a selfish thing to do it was also the only option that allowed me to do as wanted with my career. I hated him for making all the decisions for us, about us, all on his own, but looking back I can see why he choose the way he did. It didn't make it hurt any less, but I understood. In his twisted mind he thought we both were getting what we wanted.

The following weekend I moved into my own place. It was probably something I should have done instead of moving in with Riley, but it seemed right at the time. It was awkward with De there alongside Emmett and a silent Edward. Riley bristled as he watched Edward walk up, but remained courteous as I pointed the men towards the boxes that would go.

"You don't have to move out," Riley said softly to me with a smile that always made my heart beat a little faster.

"I know, but I think until we can sort some things this is for the best," I replied with a sigh as I watched what little life I had here in Seattle being carried out to the van Emmett had borrowed from one of his friends.

We stood there in silence facing each other. I could tell he wanted to say more, but wouldn't since there were so many others around us. I grabbed his hand and gave it a squeeze since no matter what happened with Riley and I never wanted to lose him, he meant too much to me.

At that exact moment Edward collided with Felix's back resulting in the box he was carrying to tumble out of his arms on to the floor. The lid was taped shut so the majority of its contents came spilling out resulting in papers scattered across the floor. I watched as Edward picked up the papers while scanning them slowly before carefully slipping them back in the box with only a brief look towards me.

"Are you seeing him?" Riley asked me as he watched Edward walk out with the box in hand. He had asked me this countless time as I told him time and again that I was not seeing Edward. It wasn't lie. I wasn't seeing Edward and Demetri had been taking extreme pleasure in making sure of that.

"No, you know that," I replied with a whisper as he watched me carefully. I knew he was looking for cracks in my exterior. He was testing me to see if I was lying, but calm response gave nothing away. If I had learned nothing in my years of being with Edward behind everyone's back it was how to lie well.

It only took forty minutes to pack my boxes into a van and leave Riley behind with the promise of dinner later this week. Riley was still trying to make amends for his time with Erin, but I often reminded him there were not enough steak dinners in the world to erase him fucking the office skank.

The guys refused to allow me to help, instead just had me point in the direction of where I wanted the boxes placed. Once everything was in general order I repaided them with beer and pizza as I started to unpack.

I listened to the laughter and boisterous talking as I meandered through the townhouse that was now mine slowly unpacking things. I felt Edward's presence behind me before he ever spoke.

"Here this is yours," he said as he held out his hand to me. I noticed that my diamond key necklace that he had given me Christmases ago dangled from his fingers.

"Thanks," I replied as I attempted to take it from him without touching his hand.

"You kept it," he stated as he dropped the necklace into my palm without touching me as well. It felt heavy on hand and warm from his pocket.

"Of course. You gave it to me," I replied and then watched his soft smile. It seemed odd to be like this with him. To discuss a past that still haunted me with the man who plagued me dreams. It felt awkward.

"I'm glad," he said slowly as he kept his focus on the necklace in my hand.

"I thought…" he started to say, but trailed off quietly.

"I couldn't get rid of it. It was all I had left," I said as I watched his face. He remained emotionless for the most part as he nodded his head in agreement before meeting my gaze.

Edward's green eyes were bright with emotion. They were so bright it was as if light was shining out of them. He has happy with my simple acknowledgement of us.

"I thought you had gotten rid of everything," he said absent mindedly as he reached out to take hold of my hand in his.

"You know I couldn't," I replied as I watched his damn smug smirk grace his face, displaying how pleased he was that I had kept this.

"I tried," I said as I attempted to put him back in his place, but it was too late. Edward just nodded at me with a smug smile that taunted me into wanting to throw the necklace in his face.

"Hey, there you are," Demetri called from the doorway causing Edward and I both to jump in surprise.

"Yeah, I was just going to ask Bella about the negations with Jess," Edward said as his eyes never left mine. They smoldered with heat and made me question the vow I had made to stay away from him. There was no way in hell he was going to ask about that, but I could play along too.

"Yeah, what was it you needed?" I asked him as I smiled sweetly at him while he shook his head at me with a slight chuckle.

"Yeah, what is it you needed since your foreplay is boring me," Demetri said in a dry tone that made me scowl in his direction, causing him to laugh at my reaction while Edward flushed red.

"I uhm, well, I need you to stay on track," he said in a stiffer tone that made me bristle from it.

"What do you mean?" I asked with an edge to my voice as Demetri laughed out loud at my immediate reaction.

"Well, my work here is done," he said with a laugh leaving Edward and I alone once more.

"What I mean is, there is no need to fight with her. I just want it done, Bella," he said simply as I rolled my eyes at him in irritation.

"It was a mistake to marry her and I am just trying to correct the mistake. I don't want it dragged out any further than what's needed," he continued on as if I had not reacted to his words at all.

"I am not dragging this out. I'm protecting your interest," I countered back as he shook his head no at me.

"No, you are dragging it out. I am more than willing to write her check for half of my pension as well as let her have the house and its contents, yet I know you haven't offered that to her," he said in an irritated tone toward me as I glared at him. I had no idea how he knew this, but he was correct. I had no offered Jess any of this. I was taking an all or nothing approach with this offer as my back up plan.

"I know you hate her, but I just want out. I want this marriage over and I don't think you are as concerned about ending my marriage as what you are punishing her," Edward finished in a tense tone that made my anger roar to life.

"You don't think she should be punished?" I asked him in a heated flurry of words before I could stop them from coming out of my mouth. I watched as his expression softened for a brief moment.

"Bella, she holds no more blame than what I do. Should I be punished too?" he asked me as I looked away in anger. I had revealed too much and he knew me too well.

"Maybe you should," I replied as he nodded his head in agreement over my statement.

"Maybe. Or maybe losing you in the process of this fucked up mess is punishment enough," he said as I felt his eyes upon me. I could almost feel him willing me to look at him and see how broken he was over it, but I couldn't. Not now anyway.

"Fine. I will make the offer and see if she takes it," I replied in a clipped tone as I turned to leave the room, but his hand shot out and took hold of my arm.

"Don't be like this," he whispered to me as he pulled me back towards him until I felt his body heat yet we weren't touching.

"We used to be the best of friends," he whispered in an almost dejected manner as I refused to look at him.

"We used to be a lot of things, Edward," I whispered back as I tugged my arm free from his grasp to step out of the empty spare bedroom that we stood in.

It was only moments later that Edward excused himself to leave for the night taking Emmett in tow.

"Thanks for helping me," I called to them and while Emmett laughed at my thanks, Edward made no response.

"Well, well, well," Demetri said in a knowing manner once Felix left us alone.

"Shut up," I replied, knowing that his comments were about Edward even without saying his name.

"No. He's right. You are dragging this out and there is no need. Make the damn offer and see if she takes it," De said as he grabbed another piece of pizza from the cluttered counter top it sat upon.

"Why are you constantly defending him?" I asked in a tone that sounded shrill even to my own ears.

"Because he's right this time," he said with a mouth full of pizza in a rude manner.

"Pig," I muttered at him as I turned to leave him in my bare kitchen.

"I know you want him so why not help him out of this mess so you can have him?" he asked me as I turned to stare at him in shock.

"I never said…" I started to growl at him, but he cut me off.

"You don't have to say it. It's written all over you. It's the sexual tension in the air when you are together. It's the weird way you go from nearly dry humping to killing each other within the matter of seconds. It's so fucking obvious and I am shocked that no one ever notices it but me," he snickered at me as I glared at him.

"Shut up," I replied as I left him behind to enter into my dismantled living room, but not before giving him the finger in the most lady like fashion possible.

"I don't want him," I called out to him as he continued to laugh at me.

"You say that," Demetri teased as I rolled my eyes at the childish tone of his voice.

The rest the evening passed with suggestive comments about Edward as De promised him that the mattress was new and not the one from Riley's house.

"What would it matter if it was from Riley's?" I asked him with a tired yawn as he kicked the blanket covered mattress as it lay upon the floor with me curled on top of it.

"Because it is bad enough knowing that you fucked my cousin without sleeping in a puddle of his dried up jizz," he replied with disgusted look up on his handsome face which only made me laugh more as I rolled my eyes at him.

"The mattress is new you freak so just lay down," I said in-between giggles as he finally lay down beside me.

"Does it really bother you?" I asked him as he tried to get comfortable next to me.

"Does what bother me?" he asked in a distracted manner as he finally settled down next to me.

"Me and Riley," I stated as I watched a frown pass over his face before indifference settled over his features.

"Yes and no," he said with a yawn that made me yawn in response.

"I mean, I get the need to be with someone. I understand that. I get that he was close, comfortable and reasonably safe…" he said as he reasoned through my being with Riley, but I had to stop him when he said safe.

"What do you mean safe?" I asked him, stopping him from saying anything more. De took a deep breath and then turned to look at me with his all knowing brown eyes.

"Riley was a safe choice," he said with a slight smile that always pissed me off since he acted like he knew me better than I knew myself.

"He was in love with another girl and you both were hurting over bad break ups. He was there and I am guessing quiet willing to scratch the itch you had for rough sex…" he said as he waved his hands around like he was telling me a story, but I stopped him.

"What does this have to do with being safe?" I interrupted him as he rolled his eyes at my intrusion of his story.

"He was in love with another girl. He wasn't available to you any more than what you were to him considering how hung up on Edward you were. It was a safe relationship based on sex and self gratification, but not love," De continued on as I looked away.

"What? Do you love him?" he asked me in an incredulous tone.

"Of course I love him, I just never thought…" I said with a shrug since I did love him, but I had never really thought about the future with him. I had always had the present with Riley with no thought of tomorrow. The only time I had ever thought of tomorrow was the night we agreed to have children if we had found no one else who would tolerate us.

"Hmmmm," Demetri said as if he knew what I meant without me saying anything.

"He's not a bad guy," I said as I found myself defending Riley over some unspoken criticism that Demetri was thinking.

"I know he's not," de said as he yawned again as he closed his eyes as if he was bored with the conversation already.

"I told him I couldn't live with being second best. I told him if he wanted another that he could just say the word you know?" I stammered on as he opened his brown eyes to look back at me with a somewhat sad smile.

"It's his loss, Bells," he whispered as he looked at me with sympathy.

"I just…" I stammered once more, but then stopped as I felt his eyes upon me. Demetri was the one boy I had always counted on and to have him here, still with me, after all this time was a testament to our friendship.

"Listen babe, you set the ground rules for him and he did what he wanted anyway…" Demetri started to say, but I interrupted him.

"I know, I know. I just… I don't know," I finally stammered as he watched me closely before he started smile a little at me.

"Bella, if you want me to tell you what I think I will you," he said with a sleepy smile as I rolled my eyes at him even though that was what I wanted from him.

"You went into a relationship with Riley based on sex, which is good and all, but you made a mistake in the process," he said simply, pausing long enough for me to sigh in frustration over his comments.

"You went in with the idea that you would not settle for second place, but Bells, you were already in second place when the damn thing started," Demetri said with a yawn, making me yawn as well.

"I wasn't…" I stammered nervously as I sat up, but Demetri stayed lying down with his eyes half closed.

"Yeah, you were. He loved Bree and you were a substitute no matter how you look at it, just as he subbed in for Edward," De said as I shook my head no at him.

"Well, that's how we started out," I said as I looked away from him since it seemed kind of seedy when you talk about our relationship like that.

"That's how it continues to be. Why do you think he got all freaked out over Edward? "Demetri said and then patted on the mattress for me to lie down again.

"I'm tired babe, so good night," he said to me with another yawn before closing his eyes and snuggling down under the blanket I have given him just like he did when he was a child.

"Night, De," I whispered as I laid back down beside him in the dark. I hadn't ever thought about my time with Riley like that before, but if you looked at it like what De did I had always been second best on his life.

It took an hour for my mind to slow down enough to drift off to sleep and when I awoke in the morning it felt as if I had not even closed my eyes to rest. The day would be busy. I would call Jess's attorney, James Laurent to make the offer. I hated talking to him since he made everything a sexual innuendo, but Edward was right. I needed to make the offer and see if she would go away peacefully, even though I knew it would be a cold day in hell before she just walked away from his trust fund.

I dressed and left for work with a sleeping Demetri still crashed out on my mattress on the floor. He knew where I was going even if it was a Saturday morning and no one else would be in. The office was quiet and exactly what I needed for peace as I brewed coffee to enjoy the solitude, but that solitude was short lived.

"What are you doing here?" I heard Riley call to me as I jumped in surprise over another person being in my sanctuary. I should have known that he would be in on a Saturday morning. It had always been our time in the office together and it had been these quiet Saturday mornings of just the two of us that lead to our relationship.

"I have some things to work on. What are you doing here?" I asked him as I watched him smile at me in a teasing manner while holding up a file folder of paper.

"May I join you?" he asked me as I poured a cup of coffee and then turned to leave. I nodded at him and then watched him smile as he poured his coffee before following me out of the break room.

Riley moved his work into my office before settling down upon my couch to work. It felt comfortable and welcoming to have him with me working, along side of me. I could listen to his breathing and the shuffling of papers as he worked. This was exactly how we had spent countless Saturdays. This was the rhythm of my life here and I was surprised to find how much I had missed this simple way to exist.

"You want to grab dinner?" he asked me as I packed up my things at the end of the day. I turned to look at Riley and I could see the hope in his blue eyes as he stood before me. I hated that we had come to this. I missed the old us. I missed the casual knowledge that we would just have dinner together and then back to his place or mine to stay the night.

"Yeah, that sounds great," I said as I found myself smiling at this man before me who just seemed to beam happiness over my simple acceptance of going to dinner. I grabbed my sachet and walked out while riley waited for me to lock my office door.

We walked together, talking as if nothing had happened. It was as if we both were trying to pretend that he had never been with Erin and Edward had never returned into my life. It was easy to pretend to Riley and that made heart ache a little since I wondered how much of what I had with him was pretend all along.

Riley didn't seem bothered by silence. He just seemed pleased that I had agreed to go with him, as if that was enough for him at the moment. We made plans to meet at his place, or our place as he kept calling it. I didn't care. I just wanted dinner and maybe some time to figure out what in the hell I was doing here.

"Go on and I will stop for something to drink so I can meet you there, ok?" he called to me as I walked towards my car with my phone in hand. I had ordered Italian to be picked up without bothering to ask Riley what he would have since I just knew.

I made it to his place first and let myself in with the key he had insisted that I keep. It felt weird to be here, but if I was being honest I would have agree that this place never felt like home to me.

"Hey, I'm back!" Riley called out with his arms full of our dinner as he walked in. The smile on his face made up for the discomfort I felt by being here.

We chatted as I dished up our food as nothing had happened over the last couple of weeks. It was comfortable, yet discerning all at once.

We laughed and drank as we ate, not really discussing anything at all. It was like old times, yet with a strange tension in the air. I hated that tension. I wanted it gone, but there was nothing I could do to remove it was too embedded into us now.

We moved our conversation about nothing to the couch. His blue eyes shined into mine as we sat by each other just like old times. Slowly Riley wrapped his arm around me to pull me close and while the warmth of his body against mine was nice it also chilled me to the bone over how he was so willing to overlook what had happened and just move on.

"I've missed you," Riley whispered to me as he brushed his lips against mine before capturing my mouth with his in a slow, searing kiss that left me breathless. His hands moved along my sides, tugging at my shirt as he pulled it free in order to pull it over my head, however I stopped him.

"Ri, I'm not ready for that," I said softly as his actions slowed to a halt. His blue eyes met mine and in them I could see confusion, lust and surprise.

"I thought…" he stammered as he tried to save face from pursuing me like he had.

"I'm sorry, but I can't," I whispered as I scooted away from him to create the space between us that we so desperately needed at this moment in time.

"It's because of him isn't it?" he asked me with a flash of anger in his voice while he refused to look at me.

"This has nothing to do with him. It has all to do with us," I whispered as I closed my eyes in frustration. I hated that he naturally jumped to conclusion that every time I denied him it was because of Edward.

We sat in forced silence together, not touching, but close enough to touch if we wanted.

"Was I ever number one to you?" I asked him as Demetri's words rang through my head. I needed to know that I had been special to him, not just some replacement for the girl that he lost, even though in my heart I knew the truth.

"You were always all I ever wanted," he whispered to me as his eyes met mine. They showed nothing but sincerity as we looked at each other, but I couldn't believe him. We were trained to lie. We stretched the truth and made it fit our needs for living. We were damn good at it too. I nodded my head that I understood him and then slowly stood up to leave.

"Where are you going?" he asked me as he scrambled to stand up beside me in effort to make me stay.

"I need to leave, Riley," I whispered as I felt my heart ache over the knowledge that I had fooled myself for far too long about us.

"Bella, don't leave," he said as he took hold of my hands in his. The warmth of his skin against mine made my body ache for that warmth.

"I really need to," I whispered as I looked away. I didn't want him to see my tears.

"No, stay with me," he said as he pulled me close to hug me to his lanky form. It was an enticing offer. It was an offer that I had taken so many countless times.

"Just for a while longer?" he whispered against my skin as he leaned down and pressed a soft kiss against my neck, causing me to shudder against him. That simple act made my body remember how good it had been with him and it had been good, so good.

The evil side of me wanted this, and wanted him. I wanted to forget all that happened since being back in Seattle. I wanted to forget that I still wanted Edward. I wanted to forget that my life was a fucking mess. I wanted to forget it all and just feel my skin against his, but I knew it was wrong. It had always been wrong and if I ever planned on making a change I had to do it now since I knew what happen if I stayed just a while longer. I would forget my resolve. I would forget that he had betrayed me with Erin. I would forget everything, except the heat of his kiss.

"Thanks, but I got to go," I said as I stepped back, entangling myself from him as I went. I tried to overlook the hurt look upon his face as I left him standing there. I couldn't deal with that guilt at the moment.

The drive home was long and lonely, but for the first time in a long time I felt a minor victory within my soul. I knew that Riley loved me as I loved him, but honestly it just wasn't enough anymore.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading. I hope it wasn't too much of a mess.**

**Until next time…**

**Take care,**

**Mamasutra**

**xoxo**


	43. Chapter 43

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

**Warning: This chapter has not been properly beta'd. It is sure to be riddled with mistakes and missing words. I ask for your forgiveness in advance for my short comings.**

BPOV

The offer made to Jess was quickly and resoundingly rejected just as I knew it would be. I tried not to call Edward to taunt him about the epic waste of time he insisted that I do, and for the most part I was successful. I had only hinted at his failure when I called to tell him that she had turned down his offer.

"Well, what do we do now?" he asked me in a tired sigh that made me smile against my phone. I could almost imagine him tugging at his hair in frustration as he sat there.

"Well, we can either concede and give her half of the trust fund as the contract states or we can challenge it," I said as I looked out my office window towards the building where he was at across the street from me.

"What happens if we challenge it," he asked me, even though he knew what would happen.

"We go to court. We show our footage of her giving a lap dance to some guy and hope that a judge agrees that this show she somehow broke her marital vows ending in breaking your contract," I said in a quiet voice as I listened to him huff in irritation. I knew court was the last place he wanted to be so this was not good news to him.

"What do think the judge will do?" he asked me in almost defeat over the idea of going to court.

"I'm not sure. It's just a dance, it's not like we have solid proof that she cheated. We only have circumstance," I said as he sighed into my ear.

"What do you want to do?" I asked him. Giving him the option of how to proceed since it was his money as well as his time that would be used in pursuing this matter.

"Let's go to court," he said in a tired sigh as I surprised a smug smile even though he couldn't see me. I loved that he was willing to fight Jess and not just roll over and give her whatever to go away.

"Ok, then," I replied with a smile in my voice that made him groan as I listed what we would do next.

"We might have a lead on who it was in the video. I think if we can talk to them that maybe it would help in trying to provide some information as to what she was doing," I said as I watched his window in his office. I could almost see him.

"Fine, just… Just let me know ok?" he said as he sighed again.

"It really is almost over," I reassured him as he laughed a little over my encouragement.

"You say that, but it never seems to end," he said with a quiet laugh that made me laugh too.

"Hey Bella, I have Jasper Whitlock here to talk to you," Angela announced as she walked into my office.

"I gottta go," I said as I looked over at Angela, but instead focused on the man looming in my door way.

"Do you need me to come over? I know how well you two get along," he teased as I assured him I was fine before ending the call with a simple "I'll call you later."

"Jasper, come on in," I called as I motioned him inside as I felt my heartbeat spike. It was common knowledge that Jasper and I had never gotten along. He hated me and I hated him, it was as simple as that, so to find him waiting for me was unnerving.

"Bella," he said simply as he walked into my office and looked around as if he was trying to get a feel for the place.

"Please take a seat," I said as I extended out my hand to motion him towards the chairs in front of my desk. He looked nervous and almost scared to be here.

"What's going on?" I asked as I watched him fidget in front of me as if he was going to bolt from the chair and run away.

"You know I never understood you and Edward," he said simply. His words throw me for a loop since I was not expecting a conversation about Edward.

"I mean, he had Jess and yet he was always with you," he said as he continued on without really looking at me.

"You two were together all the time. I think you even vacationed together," he said almost as if he was talking to himself.

"We did a couple of times," I offered, trying to pull him back into the conversation with me.

"You know, I saw the way he watched you. The way he looked at you," Jasper said as I felt a twinge of panic settle over me in a flash.

"I asked him once if you two were messing around and he told me no. He told me that you were his best friend and would never fuck around with a guy that had a girlfriend," Jasper said with a laugh as I felt a sick knot twist in my stomach.

"I got mad at him since his explanation wasn't that he loved he girlfriend, it was that you were better than that," he said with a hollow laugh that made me cringe.

"The funny thing was I was fucking his girlfriend at the time when I asked him," he said with a sad laugh. It took a minute for the words to sink in. Jasper had been with Jess. He had been fucking Jess through college, before her marriage to Edward.

"I had no reason to be mad, but yet I was. I was mad since he didn't love Jess, yet he fucking had her," he continued on with a laugh that made me uncomfortable.

"I loved her!" he yelled in anger at me, surprising me as I pushed the panic button on my phone to alert security since I had no idea what Jasper's intentions were.

"Jasper, what's going on?" I asked him cautiously as I pushed my chair away from the desk to make my escape if need be.

"I loved Bella. I loved her with all my heart. I waited for her just like she asked and now…" he said in rush of words that ran together making it difficult to understand.

I looked up and found Felix in my door way, I motioned him since I might need the help. Jasper wasn't paying attention to me; instead he had his hands tugging on his blond strands as if he was going to pull his hair out.

"Why don't you start over for me," I suggested as I looked towards the door again only to find Demetri and Edward standing there, watching me. I knew Demetri was stopping him from entering the office just by how he stood before the door.

"Everything is fine. I'll be out in a minute," I said calmly as I motioned for Felix to shut the door so Jasper would have the privacy he needed to tell me whatever it was that was troubling him.

It was in the private setting of my office that Jasper confessed to an affair with Jess that started in our undergrad years. It was torrid and heated as he explained his love for her. He spoke of knowing that she was the one and how he endured Alice and the Cullens just for her.

"I love her and in the end if I was asked I would do it all again just to be with her," he said simply as he sat there looking at me with his ice blue eyes so earnest and sincere.

"I understand that Jas, but what I don't understand is why you are here?" I asked him as I looked at him. I did understand him completely because no matter hurtful it was at times to be with Edward, I wouldn't have traded a moment of that time with him.

"Because it's not right, you know," he said with a tired sigh that caught me off guard.

"I loved her. I did everything she asked and in the end she just walked away as if I was nothing," he said with anger coloring his tone.

"I betrayed friends. I hurt a sweet woman all in the name of loving her and she just walks away as if none of it mattered," he said with a hard tone. He was hurt and because of it Jess would pay.

"So tell me what do you need?" he asked me as I sat there, stupidified, looking at him with shock.

"I need proof," I replied without thinking as he shook his head at me with a sad laugh before tossing me a zip drive.

"That has some of our finer moments on it. Jess was always a little flamboyant and loved for people to watch her," he said with a humorless laugh as I clutched the evidence tight in my hands.

"I may need you to testify," I said as I held the small piece of plastic in my hand.

"I will need a job," he replied in a challenge as if he was striking a deal, which in a weird way he was.

"Do you like California?" I asked him causing him to laugh, except this time it was genuine.

"Why, yes, I do," he said with a chuckle as stood up to shake his hand before he left.

"Consider it done then" I said as I walked around my desk to face him as he was standing up slowly as if his body ached from the weight of the words it had been carrying.

"I will call you once I have everything settled," I said as I looked over towards Felix, who had remained silent during this exchange. He stood up and walked out of the office wordlessly, leaving the door open in his wake.

"Yeah, I'll look forward it," Jasper said and then took hold of my hand in a tight grasp. Our eyes locked and I could see that he was hurting. It hurt me that he was hurting.

"He never loved her, you know. He always loved you," he whispered to me as if it was secret between us and it was. The words made my heart hurt as I stood there, knowing that the in some twisted way I was tied to Jasper in this ugly story of love, loss and betrayal.

"It was never enough," I replied back with a shake of my head, hating that he had figured out Edward and I.

"Yeah, I can see that now," Jasper said with a faraway look in his eye. I knew he was thinking about Jess and not the mess that Edward and I had created.

I let go of his hand and watched him square his shoulders to leave. He seemed to stand taller, straighter now that the truth had come out as he left me to carry the burden of truth alone.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading. I hope it wasn't too much of a mess for you to struggle through. Thanks to Loopylou992 for prereading this hot mess. Love ya babe! Go read this woman's fics. I love her Karmer Killer Edward!**

**Until next time…**

**Take care,**

**Mamasutra**

**xoxo**


	44. Chapter 44

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

BPOV

I met Edward's gaze as the others watched Jasper leave. I should have been ready to gloat. I should have been ready to rub his face in the fact that all of his decisions were bad ones, but as I met his gaze I couldn't do it.

"Are you ok?" Edward asked me in a low whisper as Demetri took the jump drive from my hands wordlessly. He knew and that was the good thing about Demetri. He always knew without me having to explain things.

"No," I whispered back as I felt his hand slip into mine, holding on to me as he spun me closer to him with a swift tug.

"Did he hurt you?" he demanded as Felix eyed me, silently asking if Edward's touch was welcomed, as I motioned that all was fine.

"No," I said simply since in all honesty he didn't hurt me, but I knew that somehow this would hurt Edward. He would be hurt not so much by Jess, but by Jasper's betrayal since they had been friends.

"Edward, we'll talk later," I whispered to him as he watched me with his bright green eyes. He could tell I was bothered and I knew he would not give up since that was his nature. Edward never gave up on anything, me included.

I attempted to let go of his hand, but he refused so I stood there, holding his hand while directing others in my office. I had expected to feel uncomfortable, holding his hand while discussing a job for Jasper in California, yet I wasn't. Edward's hand in mine was comforting and Carlisle never mentioned our hands joined together even though I could feel his eyes upon us as I directed Angela as to what I needed sent to Jess's attorney.

"Bella, do you mind me asking what is going on?" Carlisle asked me as I glanced over at the man who was holding my hand with a cautious look.

"I'll explain later," I said with a sigh as I attempted to free my hand however Edward refused to let me go. I wasn't sure if his insisting on keeping a hold of me was for my benefit or his.

I directed the traffic around while Edward hovered. His hand felt so warm in mine as he acted like an anchor in the chaotic sea that always seemed to surround us. I would bark out orders as Edward dragged me over to the small couch to sit down. I could feel his worried eyes upon me, but he never questioned me as to what Jasper had said. When the last direction was given and the last issue addressed concerning Jasper's new job in California we watched as people filed out of my office, leaving us alone. I could feel Edward's impatience growing as he waited for me speak.

"I want to go home," I said simply as I felt the emotions of the becoming too much to contain. I needed time alone. I needed a pressure release of crying or sex or something, anything to relieve the pressure. Edward nodded and then stood up, offering his hand once more as I slowly stood upon my shaky legs with my hand in his.

Once I was standing Edward let go of me to gather my laptop that I took home every night and my purse before turning back to me.

"Ready?" he asked me with his green eyes muted with their hidden emotions.

"Do you need to close up your office?" I asked him, giving him the opportunity to leave me since I knew that he had his own issues to contend with as well.

"No, Demetri locked it up for me. I'm all yours tonight," he said with a soft smile as I cringed under his words. He used to say that to me back when I had him for the whole night back before all of this mess. I watched his face fall as I cringed. I wondered if he realized what he had said.

"It's ok, Edward. You can go home," I said to him, not wanting him to think that he was obligated to be with me when he wasn't.

"No," he replied with a simple shake of his head, refusing me offer for him to leave me once more.

"I want… I need to be with you, if that's ok?" he asked me as he stood before me looking somewhat vulnerable as he awaited my answer, as if I could ever say no to him. I nodded my head in agreement and then reached for his hand.

We walked out of my office in silence hand in hand. It was odd since I had always dreamed of this moment, the moment where I could touch him in the very public arena of the office, yet as I lived the dream it was more bitter than sweet as I realized how different the present could be. It could have all been different. It could have been like this every night with him and I walking out, hand in hand, yet here we were, barely holding on and worlds apart still. The thought of it my heart ache as I fought back tears that had been burning in my eyes ever since Jasper announced what was part was in the twisted melodrama that was my life.

We reached Edward's car in a silence that had grown to comforting level as he opened the door for me to get inside. Once inside I could close my eyes and just breathe in the warm scent that reminded me of old times. After a cleansing breath I watched as Edward got in the car beside me to leave. He remained silent, but held my hand firmly in his as he drove to my town house without any words being spoken. It was different than other times in the past since he always insisted on knowing what I was thinking while never giving me the space I needed to think.

At my place, Edward walked me inside and then made himself at home by taking off his shoes. I watched him as he took off his tie and unbuttoned his shirt so it hung off of him with his white undershirt exposed and untucked from his dress pants. He looked rumpled and just so fucking beautiful. It was as if he had walked right out of a memory of mine and that thought made me sad once more since he had never needed to be a memory. He could have been mine if he had wanted, if others hadn't transpired against us, if, if, if… The list was long and each thought was more hurtful than the next until I finally succumbed to the tears that I had been fighting all day.

I tried to wipe them away before he could see me, but it was no use. Edward watched with an expression of mixed horror and pain as I wiped at my tears.

"Come here," he said to me as I stepped away from him, but it didn't matter since he stepped closer to me. I soon felt his arms around me, holding me to him and the feeling of his warmth made the tears flow harder. I had missed him. I had always missed him.

Edward walked us over to my couch where he sat down, pulling me with him in the process. I could hear his whispered pleas to tell him what was wrong and what had happened as he pulled off my shoes before rubbing my aching feet. It was there that I told him with tears and hiccups about Jasper. He listened with little emotion as I explained that Jess had always been with Jasper. I watched his grimace as I explained how Jasper had used Alice and the other Cullen's, yet he remained silent until there nothing left for me to say. The silence between us grew as it was filled with the soft sounds of my crying.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading. Sorry that this is unbeta'd and also for the delay. I'm trying to wrap this story up. I'm thinking maybe a few more chapters here and then that's it : ) I still owe a couple of outtakes and funny enough those are done : ) So yeah, the ending is firmly in place.**

**Until next time…**

**Take care,**

**Mamasutra**

**xoxo**


	45. Chapter 45

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

EPOV

I could feel Bella's tears as they soaked my shirt. I hated this. I hated that she was involved in it this fucked up mess and most of all I hated myself for putting her in the middle of it.

"She…" she sobbed against me, not able to form the words, but I knew what she was saying. Jess had used me for money. I had been used and while I wanted to feel outrage over it, I couldn't. I couldn't feel it since I was numb. I was numb from it all.

"Shh" I whispered to her, willing Bella's tears to stop since her tears hurt me more than any damage inflicted by some gold digging whore. The thing with Jess I deserved. I had used her, so I was not terribly surprised that she was using me. What did surprise me was that she was able to carry it out this far. I would have never guess that she was so capable of that level of deception.

I pressed kiss after kiss along Bella's forehead and tear stained cheek as she continued to sob against me. Her cries where tearing my heart piece by piece as I held her close, but I knew that she had to get this out of her system. I knew my girl well enough to know that she needed this release and I was just happy to be here with her when she needed me.

I held her tight against me as her cries died down until it was just hiccups causing her body to shake against mine. It was in that moment of silence that I was able to reflect on everything. I was able to think about my life and my epic fuck up with Bella. I had spent countless hours over analyzing my mistakes and what role I played in wrecking what could have been everything to me as well as to us. I knew without a doubt that I had lost it all and in the process I had caused Bella more pain that what I was worth to her. I knew this, yet I couldn't bring myself to let her go. I wanted her. I wanted her like the air I breathed. I wanted her in my life, at my side and everywhere else that she could be, but I knew that this want was selfish.

I knew that this wanting of her was as selfish as it always was. I knew that it was also a want that would not fade away, since it hadn't in our time apart. I held Bella to me tighter as I realized what I needed to do. I needed to be fair to her. I needed to let her be and let some other man, a better man love her. I needed to let her go.

I continued to hold my Bella close as she drifted off into a restless sleep. She was agitated and rightly so after the day she had. It was another glaring reminder how I had failed her all over again.

"I promise to let you go this time," I whispered to her as I explained my plan of leaving her behind.

"I promise you that I will love you until the day I die, but you need more than me. You need a man who doesn't hurt you all time like what I have. You deserve a man who will treat you like the amazing woman you are without all the baggage I have between us," I whispered into her sleeping ear as she sighed before snuggling closer to me in her sleep.

I pressed kiss after kiss against her cheek and soft lips. I savored her warmth pressed against me as I knew that this was the last time I would have her this close. It had to be the last time since I couldn't keep doing this to her. She deserved more and I knew it.

It was a long, sleepless night as I held the girl who would always own me in my arms. I whispered soft _I love you's_ as Bella talked about me in her sleep. I could hear the pained tone of her voice even in her sleep as she mentioned my name over and over again. It was heart wrenching as it made me realize how deep the hurt went between her and I.

As the gray morning light filled the darkness of the room I pressed one last kiss against her sleep soft lips before slipping out of her embrace to tuck her in safely under the blankets of her queen sized bed. It was with one last kiss upon her forehead, which was wrinkled with worry even in her sleep, I left her just like I should have years ago.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading! Sorry it's not beta'd, but I wanted to get this out there since I have great plans to wrap up this fic by the end of November.**

**Until next time…**

**Take care,**

**Mamasutra**

**xoxo**


	46. Chapter 46

DISCLAIMER; I do not own TWILIGHT.

EPOV

"Running off somewhere?" I heard Demetri ask me in a mocking tone as I slipped on my shoes to leave Bella as I should. I wasn't expecting him, yet I wasn't surprised. I knew he had been staying with her.

"I was leaving," I said simply as I looked away from him. Demetri was always one who could read me and now I could not stand his all knowing eyes.

"Yeah, I can see that," he said with a coffee cup in his hand as I looked over at him. He was wearing his boxers and a t-shirt, looking more at home in Bella's place than what I ever had.

"You know that I can't keep hurting her," I finally managed to say as he watched me with eyes to similar to Bella's. They made me feel sick as I met his gaze.

"I only…I only want her to be happy and I don't think I'm the man she needs to make her happy," I finally stuttered as I felt my heart ache over my own words. Demetri stared at me for a long moment in almost disbelief before he finally started laughing at me. It was a cold laugh that made me uncomfortable.

"You're a fucking moron," he said with a sad shake of his head as he looked at me with his sad eyes.

"You are just bound and determined to fuck this up," he muttered as I looked at him surprised over his outburst.

"She deserves better," I said calmly as I looked at him, daring him to deny that simple truth.

"She does and yet somehow she still wants you," he said with a shake of his head as he walked away from me towards the kitchen while I continued to sit on the couch, stunned into silence.

She wanted me. Why in the hell would she want me? It made no sense. I was lost in that thought as Demetri returned with a cup of coffee that he thrust into my hands with a grumble.

"You have a chance here, man," he said as he fumbled for his pack of cigarettes until I finally tossed him my pack to calm his irritated searching.

"Thanks," he grumbled as he pulled out one and lit it with a deep drag off of it before tossing me back my pack to lit one of my own.

"You have a chance and if you fuck that up there will be no going back," he said with a sigh as I looked towards the bedroom door where my sleeping girl was dreaming of me.

"She loves you man, she always has and I know you love her, but Bella….Bella doesn't believe that," Demetri said with a tired sigh as he exhaled a puff of smoke into the air around us as he flopped down on the couch beside me with a groan. His words made no sense. How could Bella ever even believe that I did not love her?

"She knows," I stammered to him as he shook his head at me.

"She knows that you want her, but love, well, that never really came through," he said with a snicker as I looked away from him, suddenly feeling sick. I hated how much he knew about us. I hated that how I had treated her. I hated that I loved Bella so much that I hated her for it. It was childish and if I could change it all I would.

"I can't change the past," I said as I finally looked back at him, wanting him to understand that I would do anything to change what was done since I would. I would give it all up. I would walk away from it all if it meant that I could have her once more.

"I know you can't, but you can change the future," he said as he looked at me with a smirk as I rolled my eyes at him.

"Do you love her?" he asked me as I met his gaze. He knew I did. I had never hidden it from him since I never could.

"Yes," I said with a solemn nod of my head as he watched me while taking another drag off of his cigarette as I took a drag off of mine as well.

"Then show her that. She needs to know that now," he said as I looked away from him and back towards the bedroom where Bella was sleeping.

"She was crying and just so…" I said as if I was trying to explain as to why I hadn't told her last night that I loved her since it had been on the tip of my tongue in the middle of all that chaos concerning Jasper and Bella.

"I know. I could hear her," he said as I watched his eyes drift towards her bedroom door as well.

"She'll be pissed if you're gone," he said knowingly as I closed my eyes, finally feeling the fatigue of the lack of sleep from last night. I knew she would as well.

"I want her to have everything, De. I want her to be loved like mad and to be so fucking happy that it almost hurts from smiling so much," I said to him as I watched his face and the slow smile that he gave me.

"I want her to not cry in her sleep and to have everything she ever dreamed of," I said as I felt the passion of my words hang in the air around us as his smile grew wider while he stubbed out his cigarette in the make shift ashtray on Bella's coffee table.

"Well, do it. Make it happen then," he said to me as I gawked at him in surprise over his words. It took a moment to realize that what he said was true. I still had the power to change this. I still had the chance to show her that I could be the man she needed, not just the man she may want. I could show her that I was willing to change everything for her if she would just let me.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading! Sorry its Unbeta'd!**

**Until next time…**

**Take care,**

**Mamasutra**

**xoxo**


	47. Chapter 47

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

EPOV

I awoke to the noon day sun shining in through my blinds with its warm buttery light making a rare presence in Seattle. I was warm. Too warm for a typical night and as I tried to shrug off the blanket I discovered that it wasn't a heavy blanket that was causing the heat wave to wash over me, it was the heavy body that was half draped over me causing my comfort and discomfort all at once.

Bella. Bella in all her snuggling was draped across me with her face pressed into my chest. It was a perfect moment that I had almost missed over my own stupidity. I would have to thank Demetri later for reminding me that walking away from this woman would be the last mistake I would ever make concerning her.

I held her small frame close to mine and breathed her in as I said a silent prayer that I could convince her that I could make her happy once more. I had done it once; I knew I could it again.

I nuzzled into her hair as I smelled her flowery shampoo mixed with the scent of cigarettes which made me laugh a little since I knew she only smoked when she was stressed and that was all the time now. I would change that. I would ease her stress. I would make it better, I swore silently to her as pressed a kiss against her ear softly.

"Edward," I listened to her whispered sleepily as she pressed closer, so close that I could almost kiss her soft lips that were pouting in her sleep. Bella was so damn beautiful that it made my heart stutter as I held her like this, knowing that I could change it all and best of all that I would change it all.

"Baby," I whispered into her ear as she yawned sleepily before resting her head on my chest while tangling her legs in mine as if to hold me to her. This simple move took me back three years in time as I squeezed her closer to me as well.

Slowly her big eyes opened to and then went wide with shock as she looked at me. The look on her face was almost comical as she realized how she was wrapped around me so tightly since this went completely against her policy of fraternizing with her clients.

"Edward, I'm sorry," she whispered to me as she looked down at my chest as if she was embarrassed, but there was no need for her to embarrass. I was the one who should be embarrassed.

"There's nothing to be sorry about," I said as I watched her face turn a lovely shade of pink for me.

"Yes, there is. I'm sorry about last night. The tears…" she stammered as I pulled her closer to me, slowly in hopes that she wouldn't protest the subtle movement as I tangled us closer together.

"No, Bella. There is nothing to be sorry over," I said firmly as I held her gaze, willing her to understand that there was nothing for her to feel bad over as I skimmed my hand along her back teasingly.

"I am sorry though," she said simply as she pressed her hand against my heart in the center of my chest.

"I'm sorry about Jess. I'm sorry about Jasper. I'm sorry about everything," she said with a sigh as I watched her eyes tear up once more and it was that look that tore me up inside.

"Don't cry. I can't handle it when you cry, babes," I said as I watched her wipe at her tears.

"But they hurt you and I never wanted you to be hurt," she said to me in a muffled tone as she tried to hide her face in my chest.

"Never?" I teased her, hoping to end her tears to hear her laughter.

"Stop it Edward. I never wanted you hurt. Never not once. I hate that you were used. I hate that I was used. I hate that everyone else is walking away with what they wanted while we are…" Bella ranted as I listened to her passionate speech, knowing that what she said was correct, but I couldn't take her assumption that we would not walk away together after this fucked up mess.

"Bella, no one is walking away scot free here and we still have each other you know," I said wanting her to realize that we were intact, that we were together in this if that was what she wanted. I watched her as she thought about my words while I prayed that she could see the truth in them.

"True. Jess won't and neither will Jasper," Bella finally agreed as I held her close to me, willing her to see me as the man who could be her everything.

"And us…" I said as I urged her to see me, to see what I was saying, what I was suggesting for us.

"We, well, we have each other," I said with a serious look as I watched her eyes go wide for a split second before her cool demeanor returned.

"Yes, we do," Bella agreed with a nod of her head that seemed awkward as she suddenly felt stiff in my arms.

"That's what friends are for, right?" she asked me as I felt my heart sink in my chest over her choice of words.

**AN:**

** Thanks for reading! Sorry its Unbeta'd! I just wanted to get this one out there…**

** Until next time…**

** Take care,**

** Mamasutra**

**Xoxo**


	48. Chapter 48

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

EPOV

"That's what friends are for, right?" Bella asked me as I continued to hold her close. Her words chilled me and while I deserved to be reminded of my place in her life now, I could not help feeling pissed about this. I was willing to make to change. I was willing to take chance and she wasn't.

"Friends?" I asked her as I tried to calm my emotions, but it was pointless. Maybe Demetri was right and Bella just never knew how much she meant to me, but she had to see it see now. She had to see how my life fell apart without her. She had to see the shell of a man that I had become without her in my life.

"Yeah, friends. We are friends, right?" she asked me with a nervous tone that made me laugh at her and her ridiculous suggestion of our relationship.

"Bella…" I said softly as I untangled myself from her embrace while she watched me with wide eyes.

"We have never been just friends," I said firmly as she looked away from me, giving me the encouragement I needed to spill my heart for her.

"We have been anything, but just friends," I said as I reached out to cup her cheek, forcing her to face me and the truth that she wanted badly to forget.

"I have loved you ever since the moment I saw you. You were just this girl who…was everything and anything I could wish for. You ruled me from the moment you answered your dorm room door," I said as I looked deep into her eyes, willing her to see the truth in mine.

"I fucked everything up Bella. I know I did. I made decisions for you. Decisions that you were perfectly capable of making without me. I wrecked everything and if I could change it all I would, but never doubt for one fucking moment that I didn't love you," I said as I watched her eyes go glassy with unshed tears.

"I know I was cruel and heartless to you. I wanted you to suffer as I was suffering without you. I was wrong and I hate myself over it. I am so fucking sorry that it all happened and that I was too dumb, too proud, and too selfish to make a change to correct it at the time," I whispered to her softly since the past was hard to talk to about. I knew I was wrong. I knew I had fucked up, but I also needed her to know that I would spend the rest of my life trying to make up for that colossal mistake if she would let me.

"But don't ever think that I never loved you or that you were never enough for me since it was always you for me. I will spend the rest of my life trying to atone for that mistake if you will let me," I said as I watched her face. It was blank without emotion as she stared at me in what could only be described as shock.

"I still love you and will to my dying day, that much I know for sure," I whispered with humorless laugh as a slow tear ran down her cheek.

"But please don't ever say that we are just friends since we both know that we were always so much more than just that," I whispered as I brushed the tear off her cheek only to have another follow its wet trail.

"I don't want to be your friend, Bella," I said softly as I watched her eyes go wide with surprise over my bold statement, allowing me a moment to gather my courage once more.

"I want to be your everything," I said softly, as I released my wildest wish into the heavy air around us. I had hoped like hell that somewhere inside of the girl I would love forever there was still a small part of her heart that was mine alone, just waiting for me to claim it.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading! Sorry its unbeta'd, but I wanted to get this chapter out there : )**

**Until next time…**

**Take care,**

**Mamasutra**

**xoxo**


	49. Chapter 49

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

BPOV

"I want to be your everything," he said softly as if he was making a wish, yet his words stunned me into silence. They were pained and rang loud with honesty that made my heart hurt with their sincerity.

I had waited for years to hear him make such a claim. I had waited with bated breath before leaving him behind, praying to god that refused to listen to me; just for him to admit some feeling for me other than sexual want.

I wasn't sure what to say and my silence was deafening. I watched as the light in Edward's eyes slowly faded while he withdrew his hand from my cheek.

"You have always been my everything, Edward," I stuttered as I watched his eyes. He looked scared over what other words I could say to him and it was odd to have such power over him.

My words made him relax as I watched whatever tension he was feeling over his declaration wash away. I could see the tightness in his face ease as he watched me with warm eyes know as his hand skimmed over mine as it rested upon his chest as we sat up facing each other.

"But…" I stammered as I watched his face all again.

"But, I need more. I don't know if I can believe you right now," I said honestly as I watched a pain expression pass over his face as he looked at me.

"Don't look at me like that. You have to understand where I'm coming from," I said as I watched him look away from me.

"I just want a chance," he said softly to me as he leaned forward until his forehead was pressed against mine.

"Please give me a chance," he whispered pleadingly almost against my lips as I hesitated for a moment. I wanted to give him a chance. I had missed him so much when we were apart, but truly the idea of opening myself back up to him was frightening. I had lost so much when I lost him that the idea of revisiting that pain was almost unbearable.

"Let me show you how much you mean to me," he whispered before pressing soft kiss against my lips. It was tender and tasted warm like sleep. I looked into his green eyes and knew that I could not deny him this chance. I could not deny myself this chance.

"Let me love you," he said before pressing another kiss against my overly sensitive lips. I had always wanted his love and now all of it just scared me even though I wanted it so badly.

"I'll try," I managed to stutter for him as he smiled warmly at me as if he had won some prize.

"But I need time, Edward. I just… I just don't…" I stammered, trying to figure out how to put in words how I felt. I wanted his love. I had always wanted his love, but believing that it was possible to have it was another thing. I needed him to show me, yet I had no idea over how it would even attempt that after everything that had happened between us.

"I know. I know," he said rapidly as he smiled for me. It was a bright smile that made my heart ache with its beauty before kissing me deeply with emotion that made brought tears to my eyes.

"Thank you for giving me a chance," he whispered to me with his eyes so green with their sincerity. I nodded since I could not find the words I needed to say. I wanted to tell him that if he messed up that it would be over, no more chances, but I could tell by his reverent kisses that he knew this as well.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading! Sorry its unbeta'd.**

**Until next time…**

**Take care,**

**Mamasutra**

**xoxo**


	50. Chapter 50

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

BPOV.

Edward and I kissed as we lay together, but I never let him go further than that, not that he really tried either. We both were treading so lightly with each other it was as if we both were scared to offend the other. It was nice, yet maddening since part of me wanted the passion and heat that we once had. I craved it, yet I knew that it was wrong.

After a long, heated kiss I was finally able to speak and once my words returned to me I explained what I needed from him. I told Edward I would not tolerate being hidden and as soon as I said that he laughed lightly at me.

"I hid you before and I won't hide you now," he said with a knowing smile. He hadn't really hidden me before. We had vacationed together. We had gone out together. We held hands. We kissed in the darkness of the movie theater. He truly didn't hide me; it was me who had hid us.

"I expect the same though. I expect to be your only and when we go out I want others to know that," he said with a smile that made my heart flutter in my chest.

"I have always wanted that," he said with a nod of his head as if he was willing me to understand how it felt about my insisting that our relationship be a secret.

"I want to know there are no others. I won't share you,' I said softly, trying to mask the hurt of my feelings as I thought about him and Jess.

"You know, Jess and I were never truly together. You know that. You know that it was always you," he said softly, trying to ease the pain I felt from the past. But it didn't work.

"You were with her. I caught you with her," I said remembering the time I found him having sex with her in a bedroom of a party that we all were at.

"That was her taking advantage of me when I was drunk," he said as I rolled my eyes at his words.

"It's true. I rarely had sex with her and you know that. You know that from all the times she complained about me to you," he said before pressing a kiss against my nose. Jess did complain about him to me and now looking back I wondered how much she knew of our relationship.

"Do you think she knew about us?" I asked him, taking him by surprise over my question. A worried look settled over his face as he brushed my hair out of my eyes with a soft gesture.

"I don't know. I don't think so since otherwise I'm sure something would have…" he said by trailed off as he looked at me. He didn't have to explain more since I understood. If Jess had known she would have made sure my life was a living hell, but honestly my life was a living hell at the end so there was nothing she could have done to me to make it worse than what it already was. We sat in silence for a moment, both of thinking about a past that hurt us both.

"I don't want to… I mean, I can't change the past, B. I can only go forward and I promise you now that I will make sure that every day I show you how much I you mean to me," he said as he pulled me closer for a kiss. It was with that kiss that we attempted to close the door on the past that neither of us could alter.

In the afternoon Edward finally left, leaving me to face Demetri alone who greeted me with a smart ass smirk. He knew, which was nice since I didn't need to explain anything, yet it pissed me off since he loved being right.

"Call me later, please," Edward said softly before pressing another chaste kiss against my lips while Demetri made cat calls at us. It left me with a warm feeling as I watched him walk out to his car, not caring who saw me oogle him as he walked away.

"Well, I take it that went well," Demetri teased as I rolled my eyes at him. It did go well. I went wonderfully well and for the first time in over three years I felt confident about the future concerning Edward.

"He wants another chance," I said absent mindedly as I watched Edward drive away.

"I know. What did you say?" he asked me as I smothered a smile. He knew I what I would say. He knew what I would say even before Edward would even ask.

"I said yes," I said simply as I listened for Demetri's laugh which made my cheeks heat up under a blush.

"We're taking it slow," I said as I turned to face him now that I felt my blush had faded.

"Good. Slow is good," Demetri said with a smile as he glanced from me to his phone as it buzzed with a text message. I walked away from him, smiling as I thought about Edward and his promise.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading! Sorry it's not beta'd.**

**Until next time…**

**Take care,**

**Mamasutra**

**xoxo**


	51. Chapter 51

Disclaimer; I do not own Twilight.

EPOV

The drive back to my apartment was a long one and as I drove I could only thank whatever god was listening for allowing Bella to give me the chance I so wanted. I was riding this buzz of happiness when my phone rang, startling me, since I was lost in day dreams about Bella.

"Hello?" I stuttered into the phone without looking to see who had called me.

"Well, about fucking time you answer your phone," I heard Jess huff into the phone, effectively ending my buzz.

"What do you want?" I asked her, not even bothering to hide my distaste.

"Edward, I am calling to give you one last chance to just write the check before I have to embarrass you," she said with a snicker as I rolled my eyes.

"Trust me, there is nothing more embarrassing to me than to have to tell people that you were once my wife so…" I said as I listened to her sputter happily over my insult.

"You have no idea who you are messing with do you?" she hissed at me as I laughed at her.

"I am Jessica Stanley, heiress to the Stanley fortune…" She said as I laughed louder at her regal bull shit since I knew her family had nothing. That she had nothing.

"Heiress to nothing which is why you married me," I laughed at her as I listened for her snarky response, but there was nothing.

"It was all for money wasn't it?" I asked her, knowing the truth as I waited, while I felt my anger rise inside of me over the wasted three years I had spent with her.

"What does it matter?" she asked me in a hiss as I rolled my eyes over her response.

"It was an even exchange, Edward and you know it," she said as if I was the one who was dense concerning the situation.

"You didn't love me, so don't try to act like you did and that what I did was some betrayal since it wasn't," she said in a bored tone, calling me out on my bullshit just like she always did.

"I tried to love you," I responded to her, telling her the truth since there was no point in lying anymore.

"I never asked you to," she responded with a sigh and understood what she was saying. She had never asked for my love or attention. I had always been happy that she never insisted on it, but now her indifference was chilling.

"Listen, I am not asking for everything and you know that," she said as I remained silent contemplating when my life took such a drastic turn that lead me here.

"I'll with drawl my request for part of your shares in the firm. I'll even with draw my request for spousal support. I just want part of the trust fund since…" she said as she trailed off as if our conversation was boring her.

"Yeah, I know. You just want the money," I said with a tired sigh since it was getting old.

"You can shut the fuck up!" she hissed in anger at me as I rolled eyes over her temper tantrum that was so typical of her.

"You don't understand what it's like to not have money," she continued on as I laughed at her statement since it was pretty obvious that neither did she.

"No, you're right. But I do understand what it's like to be lied to. I also understand what it's like to lose everything you want over one fucking bad decision and soon so will you," I laughed as Jess started her tirade of insults mixed with curses before I hung up on her. There was nothing to say and sure as hell wasn't going to pay her for part in the mess I had created.

After I hung up on her I realized that I should have asked her about Jasper. I should have asked her how she could sit back and fuck my friend while biding her time. I should have asked her a lot of things, but I didn't. I should have questioned her every step of the way during our twisted relationship and sham of a marriage, but instead I was too focused on Bella. I could not take my eyes off her long enough to see what was going on around me. I could get beyond the idea of losing her to realize the epic fuckery that was occurring alongside all of my bad decisions. I shook my head at my own stupidity as I sat in traffic, waiting to move forward with what I was considering to be a new chapter in my life. I had a lot to repair in my life, but Bella was giving me a chance and it was not one I planned on squandering.

It was there that I was lost in thought over how to make up for my mistakes to Bella that I never saw the speeding car coming before it barreled into the back of my car with a loud crunch of metal as it propelled me forward into the next car, creating a domino effect of twisted metal.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading! More updates to come today since I am on a roll here…**

**Until next time…**

**Take care,**

**Mamasutra**

**xoxo**


	52. Chapter 52

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

BPOV

The afternoon passed and as it I found myself blindly watching TV as I waited for word from Edward. I knew he would call me. He had told me he would and if I knew anything about Edward when he said he would do something, he did it.

I put aside my growing concern over his lack of a phone call as I left Demetri alone in the front room with the TV and his computer to finally take a shower. I had put off getting dressed and just enjoyed a lazy day for a change. I had barely had time to enjoy the hot water when Demetri walked into the bathroom with a loud knock to announce his arrival.

"Hey Babe," he called to me through the frosted glass door that I hated. I wanted a shower curtain.

"What? Did you want to join me or something?" I teased him as I soaped myself up with my loofa and body wash.

"Yeah, move over," he said with a snicker as he opened the while I screamed, playing along with him as we always did. It was a long outstanding joke concerning the lack of sex in our relationship. We were never sexual together, but everyone who met us immediately thought that.

"B, I need you to remain calm," Demetri said immediately catching my attention that something wasn't right. I felt my heart start to pound in my chest as a reaction to his statement.

"How am I supposed to remain calm when you tell me that," I called to him over the water as I hurried to wash off the soap as quickly as possible.

"What's going on?" I asked him as I pushed open the glass shower door, basically knocking him out of the way as I grabbed a towel.

"There's a fifteen car pileup on expressway. Edward was involved in it," he said as I gasped while tugging the towel around me tighter.

"He's ok, but he called and asked if we…if you would pick him up at the hospital since they transported him there," Demetri said as I gawked at him in shock.

"Well, get dressed. We need to go," he finished as if he had told me that we were taking a trip to the grocery store instead of picking up Edward from the hospital.

I frantically struggled to get dressed as Demetri patiently waited for me. I quizzed him over and over again as far as how did Edward sound when he called. It was maddening and just as I attempted to get in the car, he stopped me.

"I'm driving. You need to calm down," he said as he looked at me with a sigh as if I was over reacting and I knew I was. He just didn't understand that I had just gotten Edward back, so the idea of losing him so soon hurt.

"He's fine. He told me he's fine. He just needs a ride," Demetri said as he took the back roads until he was able to navigate through the city to the hospital. It took longer to get there than normal because of the clean up from the massive car wreck. When we drove past I tried to find Edward's car, but it had already been towed since I could not see it along the side of the expressway.

Demetri pulled up at the emergency room door and told me go in. He assured me he would find me after parking the car and I did not argue with him as I turned to leave him behind. The ER was a chaotic mess as families form the drivers involved in the car wreck flooded the waiting area. I looked in the room to see if any of the other Cullens had arrived, but they weren't there. I glanced down a hallway to see if I could find a nurse to bother over where to find Edward. It was there that I saw him. He was leaning up against the wall with his eyes closed.

"Edward!" I called out to him in surprise as I took off in a sprint to reach him. He barely had time to register my presence before I launched myself into his arms to hold him as I needed to feel his body against mine.

"Are you ok?" I asked him as I squeezed him tight just to prove to myself that he was real and not some figment of my imagination.

"I'm fine. Just a few cuts and bruises, but my car is fucked," he said with a depressing sigh. He loved that damn car and while I wanted to be supportive over his loss, I found myself just happy that he was ok. I stepped back enough without letting him go to look at him. He had a large band aid across his forehead and his shirt was covered in blood. He looked like hell.

"You can get a new one," I said to him as I reached up to stroke his cheek, causing him to close his eyes over my touch.

"Yeah, but I loved that one. It had a lot of…history," he said with a half smile. I knew what he meant. He had driven that car throughout law school. We had spent time in that car. We had made love in that car. We also had some of our worst fights in that car.

"You need to let go of the past," I said to him as he shook his head no, which caused me to laugh at him.

"Edward, I know you loved that car, but the past is done and I don't want to go back there," I said to him, knowing that it was that shared past that kept him from letting go of the car.

"I don't want to be that Bella again and I sure don't want you to be that Edward either," I said to him as his green eyes met mine.

"We need to make new memories so maybe a new car is a start for you," I said as he smiled at me softly.

"New memories, huh?" he asked me with a smile as he took hold of his hand in mine. I nodded in agreement.

"We can do that," he whispered before leaning down to brush his lips against mine in a sweet kiss, not caring who saw us as we pressed close together in the hallway filled with people.

"Hey," Demetri called out to us as he approached with a scowl on his face.

"You ok man?" he asked Edward as I felt Edward slip his arms around me to pull me against him tighter.

"Yeah, I'm fine," he said as he looked at me with a smile.

"Good. Let's get out of here," De called as he turned to leave. I took Edward's hand in mine as we untangled from our embrace to leave.

"Come home with me?" I asked him as we walked hand in hand to the back lot where Demetri had parked.

"There's nowhere else I'd rather be," he said softly as he let go of my hand to wrap his arm around my shoulders as we walked oblivious to our surroundings.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading! See… he's not dead, but I did need this moment to continue on with the story.**

**Until next time…**

**Take care,**

**Mamasutra**

**xoxo**


	53. Chapter 53

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

Unbeta'd

BPOV

Time was flying and with it I was racing against the clock. I wanted time with Edward and I needed time at work. The conflicting emotions of guilt and want warred all the time. I knew I should be more focused on the court case at hand, yet I also believed that everything with it was taken care of. Jasper had given us all the proof we needed to end the prenup in Edward's favor so the work I truly needed to invest was limited since there was nothing more to prove, or at least that was what I told myself as I left early at night to meet Edward. We spent most nights together and it was maddening.

We would talk all night and kiss, but it never went further than that. I wanted it to go further, but Edward always stopped us. He would remind me that we were taking things slow. I was tired of slow. I also determined that slow would end that night as I closed up my office, knowing that he was waiting on me in my empty town house.

I had just shut off my computer when I looked up to find Riley standing in my door way. He had a serious look on his face that made him look older than his twenty eight years. It killed me to see him like that since this was not the man I knew and loved. This was a projected image of that man. This was a lie.

"Riley," I said as I watched him standing thee, as if he was contemplating what to do next.

"I…I uhm, I've been meaning to come over to talk to you," he said as he watched my face. He was reading me for emotion. He used to do it all the time before announcing something that he thought would upset me.

"Ok, what's up?" I asked him, trying to keep the atmosphere light even though a sense of dread was settling over me. He remained silent as he watched me with his all knowing gray blue eyes.

"I know," he said simply as he stood there waiting for some reaction from me.

"You know what?" I asked him, playing dumb, but I was fairly confident that he knew about Edward and me.

"I know you are seeing him again," he said softly as if it was a secret and it was. I shouldn't be seeing Edward. I knew this.

"Seeing who?" I asked him, putting on my best confused look ever. I had not forgotten his threat.

"Cullen," he said simply. He was waiting for me to confess and it would be a cold in hell before I did that.

"I do see him. He's my client and a friend," I replied as I watched his cool façade finally crumble away to anger.

"A friend? Is that what you're calling him now?" he demanded from me as I shook my head over his temper tantrum.

"He spends the greater part of a year treating you like shit and now you're back to being friend! Well, that's just fucking wonderful!" he yelled at me as I waited for his anger to dissipate.

"What about me, Bella?" he yelled as I closed my eyes over his words.

"I make one fucking mistake after two years of love and you toss me aside as if it was nothing!" he hissed in anger at me. His eyes glowed with anger and hurt as he looked at me.

"Riley, just wait a minute…" I said softly. I hated that he was hurting. I never wanted him to hurt. I never wanted him to be anything except happy since that was all he ever deserved. I watched him as he continued on his angry tirade, wanting him to stop so I could explain myself, but he refused.

"Forget it, Bella. Just forget it. We're done," he said with such cold finality that it gave me chills as I sat there watching me walk away from me like I deserved.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading! **

**Until next time…**

**Take care,**

**Mamasutra**

**xoxo**


	54. Chapter 54

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

Unbeta'd

EPOV

The week passed slowly and as it did I could feel Bella growing more agitated as my court date loomed. There was nothing to be nervous about in my mind. I would either pay Jess or not, but either way I would be walking out of their free man once more. I would be correcting the mistake that had taken Bella from me and that was the only thing I was concerned about. I needed to be free of Jess and the past if I ever wanted things to work out with Bella. I needed that freedom and while Bella maybe dreading the confrontation I was looking forward to it.

I had marked off the days on my calendar and spent time almost day dreaming about what I would do once the divorce was final as I sat in my office alone working. I was lost in one of those daydreams as it wrapped around how I would celebrate my new found freedom with Bella when I heard the door open.

"Edward?" I heard my father call out to me as dreamt of Bella, naked spread across my desk with a wicked smile paying upon her full lips. I shook my head to clear my thoughts just as Dad entered the room.

"Hey dad," I said weakly as I motioned for him to sit even though I wanted him gone the moment he walked in.

"I was just stopping by to see if you would join me for lunch," he said with a warm smile that made me want to roll my eyes. I knew that look on his face. It was a guilty look and that typically meant that he had offered me up to my grandfather somehow.

"What did you do?" I asked him as I felt my anger spike in my system with a rush of adrenalin. I had told him countless times after my departure from the firm that I would never do Grandfather's dirty work again. He knew this and yet there he sat with that fucking guilty look plastered on his face.

"Nothing, Edward. I have been called in to act as a second on your case though," he said with a smile that seemed wonky as he looked at me.

"A second?" I questioned him since I knew Bella was my attorney and with her reputation there was no need for follow up.

"Yeah, I was asked since this is Bella's first case in Washington," he explained as I rolled my eyes. Grandfather had asked him to step in. I knew better than most that this was his way to try to control the matter.

"Whatever, just…. Sit in and leave it alone. It's pretty much done as is," I said as I looked away from him towards the window. I could see Bella's office from here. I wondered how well she took that bit of information since I knew that something like this would send her into a tizzy of a temper tantrum.

"I know. Bella brought me up to speed and that's also why I'm here," he said as I looked at him while waiting for him to explain himself.

"I'm sorry about Jess," he finally said in a remorseful tone that made me laugh.

"Nothing to be sorry about," I replied as I watched him shake his head no at me.

"No, I am sorry. I should have seen it. I should have seen a lot of things I guess," he said as I watched him closely. There was more to this than him being sorry over my failed marriage.

"I saw her out with Jasper before the wedding," he finally admitted as I sat there stunned over his admission.

"I didn't think a thing of it since well, I mean, you had Bella and you both were so close that I figured that Jasper was just a good friend," he stammered slowly as I shook my head at him.

"It's ok Dad," I said as he interrupted me.

"No it's not. Maybe if I had told you this fiasco of a marriage wouldn't have happened," he said as he looked at me, almost pleading with me to forgive him.

"Don't worry about it Dad. I probably wouldn't have believed you and really it doesn't matter. It's almost over and after tomorrow's court date it will be done," I said firmly as I looked at my calendar with almost perverse delight as I saw the date circled in red.

"Yes, I know, but maybe I could have spared Alice a little heart ache," he said with a tired sigh as we both knew that Alice was not taking their break up very well. She was devastated by his betrayal. She blamed me over it and I could not deny it. It was my fault in a way since if there was no me, then there would not have been a need for Jasper to have ended things with her.

"She's still not talking to me," I said offhandedly as Dad nodded as if he understood the guilt I felt over her pain.

"She's get over it Edward," he said simply as he met my gaze with an earnest one. He wanted to believe that Alice would find forgiveness for me, but I wasn't so sure since us Cullens weren't known for our forgiving nature.

"I hope so," I said with a nod as thought about my sister who was suffering because of me.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading!**

**Until next time…**

**Take care,**

**Mamasutra**

**xoxo**


	55. Chapter 55

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

***Unbeta'd***

EPOV

I called Bella after Dad left, but got no response as the court date loomed she had become distant. I knew that she was focusing on the case, and rightly so, but I missed her. She didn't understand why I wasn't nervous about the looming court date. She didn't understand the lack of worry that I felt concerning the divorce, but to me it was simple. I just wanted out. There was nothing more to it than that.

I left my office that evening while glancing up at the windows of Bella's office. The light burned bright and it made me feel a little sick since she was still there, working to cover all angles while I was free to go home. She had told me that this was what she was being paid for, but to me it was just wrong.

I had just stepped out in to damp night when I noticed Demetri standing outside taking in a smoke. He waved me over with a smirk as I watched him light another cigarette. He seemed nervous and that wasn't right. There should be nothing to make him nervous concerning my case.

"Hey man," I called to him as he nodded.

"What's going on?" I asked him as I watched him take a long drag off the cigarette while instantly making me long for one as well.

"Bella is freaking out," he said with a laugh that made me smile a little since it had always been common place for her to freak out before a big day, but this wasn't a big day looming over us. She had this case worked out. She had Jasper's testimony and there was no way for them to refute the affair with Jess.

"We discovered that someone is checking out her past," he said as he watched me as if he was testing me.

"Looking at her past?" I questioned, confused as how this mattered at all.

"Yeah, trying to tie her to you," he said as he offered me a cigarette as we stood there under the awning of the building to keep out of the rain.

"What does it matter?" I asked him as he shrugged while taking a long drag off the cigarette while I mimicked his behavior while waiting for his response.

"I don't think it does, but she's worried all the same," he said with a slight laugh.

"You know how she is if everything isn't perfect," he said as I nodded in agreement. I did know how she was. Bella was cantankerous if things were not perfect. She demanded perfection and insisted on being more prepared for anything when it came to her cases.

"Is she in there?" I asked as I motioned towards the glass door of the building while he laughed at me.

"Where else would she be?" he asked me with a laugh as if I had asked a ridiculous question, which I guess I had since this was the only place she would be if there was some sort of crisis concerning the case.

I stomped out my cigarette before excusing myself to venture inside to find the woman I was waiting to make mine. I was welcomed by security who seemed surprised to see me even though I was in this building on a few occasions after I had left in my dramatic manner. Their surprised looks made me want to laugh as well as remind them that I still had a vested interest in the firm, not that it mattered to them.

I rode the elevator up to the floor where Bella's office was located in silence. The whole building was quiet, but as I stepped off on to the floor where I would find her I could feel the tension in the air.

"I want to know why you are here," I heard Bella demand in a shrill voice, causing me to nearly run to her office as I imagined every worst case scenario as to who was in there with her. I burst through the half opened door, ready to fight off any attacker that I might find, but instead came to a stutter stop as I found her in a heated exchange with my father.

"I told you Bella. I was assigned to assist since this was your first case," Dad replied in an irritated tone. It told me that her anger and their exchange had been going on for some time before my unexpected arrival.

"Why were you assigned? What's the motive?" she demanded as she barely registered that I was there since her eyes never left his. Dad, on the other hand, looked at me surprised by my bursting through the door as if the room was on fire.

"No motives. I just am here to make sure that it goes smoothly," he said as he held up his hands in mock surrender.

"Bella," I said softly as I gained her attention finally. She met my gazed and I could see how little she trusted Dad. There was good reason for that distrust since it was common knowledge that he often did the dirty work for Grandfather now that I refused to act on his behalf.

"Just get out," she huffed at him as she looked from me to him with a disgusted look. My dad looked at her shocked by her response before gathering his notebook to leave.

"I will meet you at the courthouse at eight," he said as he turned to leave us alone. It was a subtle reminder that while she may have won the battle with him, she would not win the war. He would be there in the morning, not matter how she felt about his presence.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading!**

**Until next time…**

**Take care,**

**Mamasutra**

**xoxo**


	56. Chapter 56

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

***Unbeta'd***

EPOV

I watched as Bella sunk slowly into her office chair as if the weight of the situation was dragging her down. I slowly approached her, uncertain over what to say or how to react. I knew I needed to say something, to do something since this was my family that was forcing their way into the matter. It was my life that Bella was trying to save. It was my money and time that she was working to help me with. It was my family that was constantly fucking with her.

"Bella," I said softly as I lost what I wanted to say to her since nothing I said would fix the situation. Nothing I did would change it. Nothing at all and that thought left me feeling hopeless.

"There's something going on Edward," she said with her eyes closed as she pinched the bridge of her nose as if she was trying to apply pressure to a head ache in effort to make it stop.

"I…" I stuttered since I had no idea what was going on or what exactly I had walked in on.

"Do you trust your father?" she asked me in a strong voice as her eyes opened to meet mine with a sharp look.

"No," I said simply as I looked at her, wanting her to trust me.

"He always threw you to the wolves while protecting Emmett and Alice. It never made sense to me, you know?" she said almost as if she was talking to herself instead of talking to me.

"Ok, we need to think about this in a different light," she continued on as she stood up and began to pace with a renewed vigor.

"Who stands to gain from this mess?" she asked me as I as if I would have all the answers when I had no fucking clue.

"I guess Jess and myself," I answered as she nodded along with me.

"What about you're Grandfather? Or Marv? What do they stand to gain?" she asked me as I looked at her.

"Nothing. They gained when we married," I said as grabbed her hand to pull her over to the couch where I was now sitting as she paced nervously.

"How did they gain?" she asked me even though she knew the answer.

"National recognition for the Cullen firm and money for the Stanley's,' I said as she nodded in agreement. Her brown eyes were bright as she finally sat down beside me with her hand firmly in mine.

"Bella, I don't think it's about money," I said as she rolled her eyes at me.

"It's always about money," she responded with a laugh as if I had said the dumbest thing ever, and maybe it was.

"In my world it's always about money," she snickered as she looked at me with her eyes shining so bright that she seemed to glow.

"Ok, it's about money," I said as she continued to laugh at me.

"Yes, it is," she said as she let out a loud sigh that sounded more like defeat to me. I watched her as she sat there with her eyes close. She was tired. She was tired of dealing with me and all the baggage I brought along with me.

"I'm sorry," I said to her as I held her hand in mine. I was sorry. I was sorry for everything. I was sorry that I hurt her. I was sorry that I continued to hurt her with my family. I was sorry that I hadn't take her up on her offer to run away from all of this fucked up mess years ago when she offered it.

"There's nothing to be sorry for," she said as she squeezed my hand reassuringly as I let the warmth of her touch settle me.

"There's plenty to be sorry for," I said as I looked at her while she just looked away while shaking her head.

"This is my job, Edward," she said as she looked back at me with her big brown eyes meeting mine with a look of determination. I knew what she was thinking. She was thinking that I didn't understand her position her, but the truth was I didn't care about her job aspect. I was more concerned over Bella and the girl that I loved, not the attorney that had been hired for me.

"I know it's your job. I know this, but I'm not worried about your job. I'm worried about you," I said as she looked at me with her knowing eyes. She cocked an eyebrow at me with her best scowl. I knew she was mocking me and while I deserved it, it pissed me off.

"I know I went about it all wrong, but I was always thinking of you even when I shouldn't have," I said as I watched her face. I could see she was thinking of my words and I prayed that she could see my good intention through all the bullshit that I had done.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading! **

**Until next time…**

**Take care,**

**Mamasutra**

**xoxo**


	57. Chapter 57

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

Not Beta'd

EPOV

The morning before heading to the courthouse was tense. I had met Bella at her office and as Angela allowed me in I could see the tension rolling of Bella as she sat her desk.

Bella looked up at me and gave me a half grin. She knew me well enough to know that I was ready to be done and she was right.

"Are you ready for this?" she asked me as I sat down across from her with a smile that she had inspired.

"Did you sleep last night?" I asked her as I noticed the slight purple tinge under her eyes that she was covering with makeup.

"You should about you," she snickered in response. This was the Bella I knew, the one who was overly confident and cocky. She looked me over with an appraising eye.

"Did you sleep?" she asked me as she took in the haggardness that I had tried to cover. The truth was after I walked her out to her car last night I couldn't sleep. My mind would not shut off as mistake after mistake played out in my mind. I could have changed everything. I could have had her and left this fuckery behind. I could have had a different life, a good life without this mess looming in front of me. I could have married her; maybe we'd have kids by now. I could have changed it all and it was that thought that kept me up along with many others.

I thought about being a Cullen for the first time since Bella had left me. In the past when we were struggling to find our way Bella had always told me that my greatest fault wasn't my arrogance or even my inability to bend, it was that simple fact that I had bought into the idea of being a Cullen. I used to laugh at her when she would say this since to me there was nothing to buy into. I was a Cullen and everything, every perk was mine by birth right, but I was wrong. Looking back on this miss I realize that I had paid for every perk I had enjoyed. I had paid for VIP treatment in clubs and expensive vacation with my happiness. I had paid for the chance of running the Cullen Law Firm with my future happiness. I had paid highly and the return was nothing. It was a bitter pill to swallow, but she was right.

"NO, I didn't sleep well," I responded as she looked at me with a nod.

"We talked Edward. No more apologizes and no more regrets," she said in a strong voice, reminding me of our somewhat private conversation last night in the middle of her office. We had talked and in that conversation we both agreed to no more I'm sorry. We also agreed to only focus on the future since that was the one thing we could actually change.

"I know," I said with a smile as she looked at me with a critical until she was sure that I was done wallowing. There was no need to wallow, especially not today. Today was a new start and once this portion of the past was taken care of I was free to pursue Bella as I wished instead of being stuck in this odd limbo that she and I were in.

I listened as Bella went over what would happen. We would meet in a court room and present our evidence to the judge just as Jessica's legal team would. It would be the judge who would determine if the legal parameters of the prenup were violated or not. I knew all of this, yet listening to her explain the process in was somewhat soothing.

When Bella was done speaking I watched as she stood up and nodded for me to go. I followed her out of the office and as I did I could feel the eyes of the others watching us. We typically were not seen together, but I had plans on changing that.

"Would you like to ride over with me?" she asked me as we entered the parking garage. I quickly agreed, knowing that her calming presence was exactly what I needed before facing Jess.

I listened as well Bella talked about nothing. She spoke of the weather and what her plans were for the weekend. It didn't matter what she said, I just liked to hear her voice. It was soothing and I think she knew this.

I felt my stomach lurch as she parked in the courthouse parking lot. I hadn't been nervous until this moment as the end was in sight for a marriage that I shouldn't have entered into.

"It'll be ok," Bella said to me as she met my nervous gaze. I knew it would, yet all of this was just wrong. I shouldn't have ever been here in the first place.

"You know when you got married I never wanted this for you," Bella said softly as she looked out over the rain that was gently falling on her car. Her words shocked me since I knew how much she had detested my getting married and with good reason.

"I only ever wished good things for you so to be here is in a way bittersweet for me," Bella said as she turned to look at me with her deep brown eyes.

"I only ever wanted you to be happy too," I replied to her with honestly since after she left me and my temper cooled I knew it was the right thing even though I hated it. I knew that I couldn't make her happy here with Jess and the firm. I knew all of that and so began my wish for her happiness. It was all I wanted for her until I saw her with Riley. Once I saw her with Riley I only wanted her back in my life.

I watched her close her eyes for a moment before taking a deep cleansing breath. I watched with amazement as the Bella I knew morphed before my eyes since as she opened her eyes it was as if she had placed her game face on.

"Are you ready to do this?" she asked me in a confident tone that made me smile as I watched her eyes blazed bright with a competitive gleam.

"I've never been more ready in my entire life than to end this," I replied as she smiled a bright smile that made me want to believe that this would end well.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading!**

**Until next time…**

**Take care,**

**Mamasutra**

**xoxo**


	58. Chapter 58

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

BPOV

The courthouse was packed as usual for eight in the morning. I had told myself that this hearing would only take a few hours. We were only disagreeing on one part of the prenuptial agreement, even if it was a very vital part and it was vital. This was heart of the agreement. This was where all the money was tied up.

I looked over at Edward who seemed calm and confident as we walked, but I knew him better than most. I could see the nerves wearing on him as he would occasionally tug on his hair with a sharp pull in an almost absent minded manner.

As we approached the courtroom I found Carlisle waiting on us. His grim smile made me uncomfortable as we greeted him. He looked uncomfortable as he stood there, watching me greet James Laurent, Jess's attorney, whom we had attended law school with.

James was a decent guy and while he was overly confident that he would come out of this the successful one, I could not fault his confidence. It was the same confidence that I had greeted him with as well since it was the air of confidence that occasionally helped in winning your client's interest.

"Bella, long time no see," James greeted me with a warm hand shake as I smiled for him.

"I agree. How are you?" I asked him as I watched Edward shift awkwardly next to me. I wanted his confidence to return since that awkward shift made him appear guilty of something.

"I'm good. I told Vic I would see you today and she wanted me to invite you to dinner next week," he continued on as we made small talk while Jess and Edward eyed each other in a weary manner. They seemed so uncomfortable together, but this was nothing new. Even before they were married they acted as if they weren't together and funny enough now as it turned out they weren't. She had Jasper and Edward had me, but neither of them had the guts to end a marriage that shouldn't have happened.

"Tell her to call me and it's done," I said with a warm smile as I watched him move on to greet Carlisle as well.

"Jess, it's good to see you," I called as she nodded at me, oddly silent for once. She was watching me with a critical eye and that was unusual since in the past she had always just moved on quickly after my greeting, but this time she was watching me. She watched my movements and how I would turn to talk to Edward while we waited. It was unnerving in a way as she watched me so closely until we were finally called inside.

I waited, letting Edward linger in the hall to so we could collect ourselves before entering the room. He looked at me with a worried look.

"It will be fine," I assured him as he met my gaze.

"I know it will. It's not me I'm worried about," he said in a low tone that only I could hear. It was pointless to worry about me, yet there he was concerned that somehow I was about to get hurt.

"I'll be fine," I assured him before motioning for him to enter the room with the soft whisper that all would be fine as he walked past me as I prayed that what I was promising would occur.

We sat down at a long table opposite of Jess and her attorney. This was what I was used to. I was used to the courtroom setting. I was used to fighting for what I believed my client was due. I took a deep breath as I smiled while the standing as the honorable Judge Irina Garrett was announced.

Judge Garrett was known for her no nonsense approach as well as her dislike of long drawn out cases. We were in luck since that was exactly what I had planned in this case.

The trial was quickly underway we rapidly went through the finer points of the document. It was simple and there was little disputing which made it easy until we reached the fidelity clause. This was where we were to shine. This was where we were to free Edward from this marriage with his trust fund intact.

"Your honor we had proof that this portion of the contract was indeed violated resulting in Ms. Stanley forfeiting her claim to one half of Mr. Cullen's trust," I said firmly as I felt James's eyes on me while Edward glanced over at his soon to be ex wife with a smirk. It was one that she returned with one that was just as evil as his. This look should have made me nervous, but I had no time for nerves as I introduced the evidence we had with a confident tone.

I watched with a gleeful look as Jess paled over my words. It was simple she was caught red handed and there was nothing she could do or say to refute it. The bailiff played the video up to a point showing the sexual nature of it as I submitted the sworn affidavit from Jasper Whitlock concerning their affair as well as the treachery that the marriage was built upon.

"As you see she has violated the fidelity clause and in this case it would cause a forfeit of any type of compensation as detailed in the contract that was signed by both Mr. Cullen and Ms. Stanley," I finished with a smile that I could not contain. It was my ace in the hole. It was my get out of jail free card for Edward and anytime I had a chance to do this for a client, not just the man who was at my side, it almost made me giddy with delight.

"Thank you Miss. Swan," Judge Garrett said without looking up as she reviewed the information as I sat back down feeling so damn smug that it almost hurt. I looked over at Edward who looked equally as smug, but it was Carlisle who had a sick look on his face that suddenly made me uneasy.

"Mr. Laurent, do you have anything to add?" she asked James who turned to me with a bright smile that made my stomach roll inside of me as he held up a folder that presumably held some sort of evidence against Edward.

"Yes, your honor we would like to submit this to the court," James said as he stood up to hand the folder to the bailiff. I looked over at Edward who looked as confused as what I was as we watched whatever evidence James had found on him be presented.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading! I hope for another update tonight as long as the kids cooperate with me : ) Sorry for all of those I have offended by altering how a courtroom could possibly work. I can only go off what I have been told since I personally have never been in this situation before. Once more please accept my apologizes.**

**Until next time…**

**Take care,**

**Mamasutra**


	59. Chapter 59

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

Not beta'd

EPOV

I watched the smile fall from Bella's face as the Judge took hold of the envelope while Jess beamed a quick grin at me. My mind raced back over my last three years of marriage and I had not faltered at all. I had been faithful up until my separation from Jess. There was nothing that they could present to would change the outcome of the case, yet I still felt sick inside as I waited to see what exactly they were implying that I had done.

I looked over at my father who looked just as I sick as what I what felt while Bella was much better at masking her discomfort. We waited as the folder was opened and a DVD emerged.

"Mr. Cullen was not faithful in the early part of his marriage to Ms. Stanley, basically voiding out Ms. Stanley's affair in the eyes of this contract," James said with a grin as he looked from the judge to where I sat. I wanted shifted in my seat as I bit back my anger.

"Your honor, Mr. Laurent is grasping at straws here. Mr. Cullen's life has been thoroughly investigated by my team and I assure that there has been no case of infidelity that was void out what Ms. Stanley has done here," Bella countered back in a firm tone.

"Well, maybe your team missed it since the improper behavior involved yourself," James said in a firm, yet mocking tone as Bella turned to glare hatefully at him.

"You will watch your mouth Mr. Laurent," Bella hissed in anger at him as James laughed gleefully.

"Mr. Laurent, Ms. Swan this is mu courtroom and you will contain yourselves here," Judge Garrett said with a tired warning as Bella sat back down beside me while I turned towards my father who was looking the other way.3

"You knew about this didn't you?" I asked him in a low whispered as he turned to look at me.

"I don't know what you're talking about, Edward," he said as he met my gaze, but I knew he was lying. He knew and did not warn me or Bella.

"Just stop and let this be. It will be fine, trust me," father said in a low tone, but how could I trust him when he allowed this blatant blind siding of myself and Bella here in the courtroom?

"How could you?" I hissed at him as I felt Bella's hand on my arm in order to calm me.

"This isn't the place, Edward," she warned in a low tone as I turned to face her. Bella, my Bella, looked sick as she met my gaze. I wanted to comfort her, but we were being watched now by everyone in the courtroom.

"Ms. Swan are we ready to continue?" the judge asked as she handed the bailiff the DVD, completing the same action as what she done concerning the DVD that pertained to Jess. I watched as I held my breath, waiting to see whatever damning evidence that Jess had collected on me.

"Yes, your honor," Bella replied in a soft tone that still had a touch of determination lingering in it.

"Bella, stop this now," I whispered her as she shook her head at me.

"Edward, this is fine. We've already proven our case this is nothing," Bella said as she looked at me.

"This is going to…" I started to say, but she interrupted me.

"This is going to make me look bad, but nothing can come from it. Let it play," she said with a nod in Jess's direction as we both watched the bailiff start a DVD while I held my breath.

The TV screen flickered as it came to life showing grainy film footage of myself holding Bella close on what appeared to be Emmett's back porch. There was no sound to the DVD, not that there needed to any since it was obvious that we were locked in an embrace. I watched as I held my breath as the two of us on the screen locked in a passionate kiss. It was far from as incriminating as what Jess's video had depicted, yet it was just enough to make people question Bella's morals in this matter.

The courtroom was silent as the shaky DVD came to an end. I had nothing to say as I sat there waiting for all of this to come to an end. I listened half heartedly as Bella and James went back and forth, but the ending result was just as Bella had advised me. The proof of Jess's infidelity occurred prior to any questionable behavior of mine. While the judge was not pleased with Bella and her allowing herself to be romantically involved with a client it was not enough to change nullifying the prenuptial agreement.

We left the courtroom with instructions as to the set amount of alimony as well as the division of property which was all agreed upon prior to this meeting. The documents would be drafted and once they were signed they would be submitted to the court for the courts final approval. It was done and I was walking away with everything that I had from the start of the ill fated marriage I had entered into with Jess.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading! **

**And yes, eb2000 it's exactly what you said…**

**Until next time…**

**Take care,**

**Mamasutra**

**xoxo**


	60. Chapter 60

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.3

Not beta'd

BPOV

"Ms. Swan, this tape will be submitted to the Washington State Bar Association for review," Judge Garrett said in a firm tone as she looked at me over her glasses with a scowl. I knew that she would submit it.

"Wait just a minute," Edward called out as I tried to quiet him.

"Mr. Cullen, I would remember where you are at before you continue on in that tone," Judge Garrett said as she turned her scowl towards Edward. I would tell him that it didn't matter. The Washington State Bar Association could do nothing except possibly fine me and if that was that outcome then I would pay it. This was minor and while Judge Garrett could put on her disapproving look she knew this as well.

"Yes, your honor," I said with a smile as we stood while the Judge left the courtroom leaving us to walk out as well. It was not the best outcome, but it was better than what I had expected considering I was certain that the DVD in question was the sex tape that had been filmed years earlier.

I turned to face Edward who was busy hissing at Carlisle under his breath for whatever he knew about the DVD.

"You knew about this," Edward said in a low whisper as Carlisle looked at him confused for a moment.

"This wasn't the DVD I was aware of," he said as he looked from me to Edward with an embarrassed look and I instantly knew what DVD he was speaking of.

"Who has that?" I asked him, interrupting Edward as I pushed him out of the way.

"The two of you should have been honest with your relationship and we wouldn't be here now," Carlisle said as he looked at me knowingly.

"What the hell are you talking about?" Edward demanded as I put my hand up to silence him.

"The tape, Edward, he's talking about _our_ tape," I said as I turned to look at Edward, willing him to understand what I was speaking of without me explaining that it was the sex he was making reference to.

"You should have just been honest Edward and maybe…" He said as Edward growled at him.

"I was honest and I was threatened about my position here in the firm, not that it mattered since I was replaced anyway," Edward growled at him as I put my hand upon his chest to silence him once more.

"It doesn't matter now," I said to Edward as he continued to glare at his father.

"We are done father," Edward hissed in anger as he turned with his hand on the small of my back, urging me out of the courtroom before he came to blows with his own father.

The court house lobby was empty except for James and Jess as they waited for us. James was courteous as ever. There was no hard feeling between us, after all, he was just looking for a win as well and I could not fault him for that.

"Bella, a pleasure as always. Don't forget about dinner next week…. Bring your…. Friend," he said with a snicker as he motioned towards Edward who stepped closer to me in a protective manner that made me roll my eyes.

"Of course, Tell Vic to call me," I called after him as he walked away leaving Jess standing there before us, but it was her presence that made me nervous, it was Riley who was lurking in the background, waiting for me.

"If you'll excuse me," I said to Edward, leaving him to face his soon to be ex wife alone.

I walked closer to Riley who was resting against the wall with a frown on his handsome face. I hated seeing him like this. I hated that we had become this. I hated everything about this.

"Riley," I said as he looked at me with blue eyes too dark to resemble him.

"Did it go ok?' he asked me as he looked from me to Edward who was talking with Jess behind me.

"Well enough," I said with a smile as I waited for whatever brought him here to family law.

"You left this when you moved out,' he said as he handed me a jewel case holding a DVD. I didn't need him to tell me what was on it. I knew. It was the sex tape.

"You need to keep better track of this or destroy it or something since people were interested in it recently," he said with a half smile.

"Don't worry. I guarded it with my life," he said with a snicker as he looked at me, but that laughter didn't reach his eyes.

"Riley…" I said with a sigh as he held up his hand to stop me.

"B, stop," he said with a sigh as he looked at me with tired eyes.

"Baby, I know I messed up and yes, I want another chance, but I won't beg for it," he said as he met my gaze.

"I know I hurt you, and I am so damn sorry about that. I am sorry that I doubted you and I'm sorry that I wrecked it," he said with a shake of head as before he looked at me.

"Riley, you know I love you," I whispered as I felt my heart ache for him since I did love him. I couldn't see how that would change not matter what happened in the future between us.

"I know," he said with a smile as he looked at me.

"I love you too," he whispered in response as he handed me the case with the DVD in question so I could tuck it in the safety of my bag.

"Just think about it, ok?' he asked me softly, asking me to consider him once more without saying the words out loud as he turned to leave me standing there, watching him go.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading! **

**Until next time…**

**Take care,**

**Mamasutra**

**xoxo**


	61. Chapter 61

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight

BPOV

The weeks passed since the divorce, yet time stood still since nothing had changed. I had been turned in for review by the state bar association. It would take week, months even for them to review the allegations and make a ruling. I had been assured by my attorney that was representing me that there was nothing that could be done. I was assured that the most I could face as far as punishment goes would be a fine, but been then it would difficult to assess that since the taped sex act happened before the marriage and did not truly interfere with the case I had handled. It was also to my favor that there was no law against representing family and friends since that was what we were stating Edward. He was a friend. A friend that had fucked in the past. A friend that I had fucked in the recent times. He truly was anything but a friend.

I looked out over my office window to where his office was. I could see the light on. He was waiting. He was waiting for me to call it night. I knew this since he walked me out to the car most nights and when he wasn't walking by my side I knew it was lurking close by, watching over me to make sure I was safe. It was a job that made smile and one that probably drove him nights.

"Bella," Angela called out to me, pulling me out of my inner musings. She had a worried look on her face that was of no surprise to me. Life had been tense here at the Cullen firm since the divorce. Both senior Cullen's made it clear that I was money maker and as a money maker I was expendable. I couldn't live under those conditions. I couldn't live in a world where I was forced to be on constant alert from the people I was supposed to trust. I had sought out Ed sr. to buy me out and as the moment he was refusing. I had no idea why he was refusing, yet he was. I was certain it was because he just hated to lose, but it didn't matter since I was leaving no matter what.

I had taken my future in my own hands. I had contacted Tanya to see if needed an attorney in her location of Chicago. She had moved there to be closer to her family after selling off the California firm. When I called her to ask she was almost giddy that I was even considering it. She babbled on and on about how the office was small, but with hard work we could make a go of it. I knew this. I had done this before so I wasn't worried. I just needed a way out from Seattle and the heaviness that the Cullen name carried here.

"I know. I'm ready to leave now," I replied to her with a smile as she was reminding me of my flight. I was leaving to go to Chicago to see the office. I was leaving to see where my fresh start would take place and I could not be more mixed up over it.

I turned off my light and walked out with a smile to my trusted friend who was willing to make the journey with me to Chicago, although I knew Ang was going because Felix would be there. Demetri and Felix always went with me.

"Call when you get in, you know how he worries," she called out to me as I waved her off.

The ride down was quiet and peaceful. It was what I needed before a long flight east. Once outside I was greeted with the ever present rain in Seattle. I would miss this, but it was time to move on. I had wasted too much time here in this rainy town.

I walked to my car slowly, waiting for Edward, but he never showed. I was just starting to worry when I looked over at my car and found Edward leaning against it with a sick look on his handsome face.

"What's wrong?" I asked him as I approached him. It wasn't like him to look like that. It wasn't like him to be this nervous when it was just us. It wasn't like him to be anything but calm and flirty when we were together.

Edward stepped away from the car and walked towards me in a nervous pace. I could see his green eyes were dark and frantic as I found myself in his arms. He was holding me by my forearms, pulling me to him so that we were almost nose to nose. It was startling and thrilling all at once. It reminded me of the past that we both were trying to forget when he used to grab me with such need that made my toes curl and my heart ache all at once.

"Why didn't you tell me?" he demanded as he held me close. The panic in his voice was clear and painful.

"You promised that you wouldn't leave without a good bye again," he continued on as I watched his face with a sick look on it as his eyes darted form my eyes to my lips as if he was considering kissing me in this most unusual embrace.

"I'm not…" I tried tell him that I wasn't leaving for good, but he wasn't listening instead I was silenced by a rough kiss. It was hard and searing. It was fucked up and perfect. It was Edward and just right that it hurt.

"Bella, please," he pleaded against my lips as he broke our kiss just long enough for me to gasp for air before kissing me again. His hold on me continued to be one that was firm and demanding. He kissed me with fierce passion that poured into me, leaving me breathless with the love I felt in it.

Slowly Edward pulled away from me, letting only a small space of air in-between our bodies as he looked deep into my eyes while I struggled to find my words. I couldn't think. My mind was lost over him. I was lost over him. I was lost over him just like I always was.

"Come with me," I whispered to him softly, letting the words escape from my lips with a smile that left him wide eyed.

"I'm just going to check things out, but I think the move would be a good thing. No baggage. NO past looming over us," I managed to say in my breathless tone as Edward continued to hold my face in his hands. His eyes held mine and as they did I watched a smile grace his face.

"A place where you're just Bella and I am just Edward," he said slowly as if he was remembering a conversation from the past where I had asked him to leave with me. I nodded and then waited with my heart pounding loudly in my chest.

"I just need to stop by my place and grab a few things," he said with a grin on his handsome face that was so bright that it rivaled the sun. He was gorgeous in his happiness.

"You're sure?" I asked him with a smile, needing to hear him choose me.

"I want you Bella, only you," he said with reverence that made me blush red.

"I love you just like I've always loved you and I won't same mistake twice. It was always you and I should have left when you asked last time," he said as I waved him off. I didn't want to hear about yesterday anymore. Our mistakes were buried in our yesterdays and I was done with the pain of yesterday.

"Well, let's go then," I said with a smile as I pulled him close once more for a sweet kiss before we started our tomorrows together.

The end

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading! Sorry it's not beta'd but I wanted to get this out there so I could get to the epi. Thanks for all your wonderful support and for all the wonderful friends I made while writing this. I promise the epi will tie up the loose ends here.**

**Until later…**

**Take care,**

**Mamasutra**

**xoxo**


	62. epi

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

"Daddy you promised," Libby reminded as she gave me a look that reminded me of her mother when she was upset with me. I wanted to laugh at her for thinking that I would deny her or her sister anything. The women in my life owned me too much for me ever to say no to.

"Princess, I told you I have not forgotten that I promised to read your bed time story, now would you like to help me clear off your bed or not?" I asked her as I looked at her with a smile. I watched as my four year old thought over which stuffed animals would be joining her tonight and which ones would be bedding on the floor. It was comical to me to watch her over think everything, which Bella would always say was a trait that she had inherited straight from me.

Elizabeth Marie Cullen was born two years into our marriage looking like a small replica of Bella with her dark brown eyes and chestnut hair. She had Bella's personality too with a fierce sense of determination mixed with a heart of gold. We called her Libby just because Elizabeth seemed like such a big name for such a small girl and it stuck since four years later Libby was what she answered to.

I helped sort through the mound of stuffed animals that she had acquired as gifts from the aunts and uncles in her life until she finally decided upon Mr. Snuggles, a teddy bear I bought for her when she was born and Worm, a stuffed book worm that her Uncle Demetri bought her last week.

I had just pulled back her sheets for her to crawl into bed when Libby let out a loud yell.

"Auddie!" She yelled in a loud welcoming way and the commotion was quickly followed by the loud, sweet giggle of my second born daughter Audrey Grace. Audrey or Auddie as Libby had taken to calling her, came scampering into the room, tripping over her footie pajamas as she laughed. Her crazy hair was combed straight and I was sure it was the source of her screaming earlier.

Audrey was a happy go lucky girl who resembled me more than Bella with her brown hair that looked somewhat red and my green eyes. She had my nose and lips which made Bella quite happy since she liked to tease that she knew I would be a beautiful girl.

"There's my other princess. I was wondering when you would come in here. Did momma take too long?'" I asked her, knowing that Bella had to be listening by now and that this would irritate her a bit since Audrey was horrible to give a bath to since she hated having her tangled mess of hair washed then combed through.

Audrey, in all of her perfect two year old ways, told me how momma pulled her hair and made her cry as if she was telling on her. I gave her my best sympathetic nod and then offered her a hug while whispering to her that it all would be ok as I snickered to myself, knowing that Bella would be more irritated by my words to Audrey, not that it took much irritate her these days.

It didn't take long to get them settled in bed since Audrey refused to sleep in her toddler bed, she would only sleep by Libby and thankfully Libby was ok with that. I watched my girls snuggle under the blankets and then turn to me with an expectant look on their face. I sat down on the edge of the bed and then reached over to grab the book a fairytales that Bella read to them most nights only to be greeted with groan of disappointment.

"No daddy, _our_ story!" Libby exclaimed as she got Audrey riled as well.

"Our!" Audrey cried as she looked at me with her green eyes glowing so bright as she chanted for me. I smiled as I shook my head, conceding that I would give them their way.

"OK, ok, ok," I said holding my hands up in defeat as they cheered loudly.

Once they quieted down I took a deep breath and told them the story that I made up just for them since it was about us.

"Once upon a time there was a beautiful princess from a small kingdom that came to the large kingdom seeking her fortune," I started out as Audrey clapped for me and my words to her.

"She was beautiful like Libby with dark hair and eyes. She had the most amazing laugh and was so smart that she amazed the locals of the new kingdom with her wits," I said with a smile as my girls started to yawn a bit.

"One day the beautiful princess met a handsome prince. He looked a bit more like Auddie here with crazy hair and green eyes, but for some reason the princess thought he was handsome," I said dryly as I watched my daughters listen to our story with fascination.

"The prince was not all that nice, especially to the princess," I said softly as my daughters scowled at me. They hated this part and so did I.

"The princess loved him for some reason and stayed with him until she just had enough. She told him good bye and left for a new kingdom," I said with a slight shaky breath. It was hard to talk about this, even as I tried to break it down into the most simplest of levels for my girls.

"The princess went to have a wonderful life in the new kingdom. She even found a new handsome prince who loved her," I said with a smile as Libby shook her head no at me.

"What happened to the other prince while the princess was gone?" she asked me with a smile. She always asked me this.

"He missed her like crazy and tried to live without her, but it was hard," I said softly since Audrey was slowly drifting off to sleep in front of me.

"Why was it hard?" Libby asked just like she always did.

"Because he loved her and had chased her away by being stupid," I said simply as I smiled at her since there was so much truth in my words that she would not understand.

"Now get to my favorite part," Libby demanded as I nodded in agreement to continue on with the story.

"One day the princess came back to the old kingdom. When the grumpy prince saw her he was so happy since he thought that she had come back for him, but he was wrong," I said with a scowl that made Libby laugh like she always did at this part.

"The beautiful princess had brought that other prince back with her," I said with a fake scowl that made Libby scowl as well.

"Now, he was a nice prince who loved the beautiful princess as well, but that did not make the grumpy prince happy at all since he just wanted his beautiful princess back," I said as Libby started to smile at me.

"The grumpy prince talked to the beautiful princess and discovered that he was being horrible. He discovered that he was mean to her and that if he had never been mean she would have never left him," I said as I watched her face smile a sneaky smile that reminded me of her mother so much.

"So, what happened?" Libby asked me and then yawned loudly.

"The grumpy prince hated that he had hurt the princess's feelings and decided that he only wanted to make her happy from then on," I said with a sure sounding voice that made Libby giggle a little.

"What did he do?" she asked with the innocence of a child. I could not tell her all that I did make her mother smile for me once more or all the time that it took to earn her forgiveness.

"He was her friend. He brought the princess her favorite flowers. He made her favorite meals and tried his best to take of the princess since while the princess took care of everyone around her she wasn't so good at taking care of herself," I said with a smile I thought back to different memories of Bella.

"Did that work?" Libby asked me with a sleepy smile that melted my heart while Audrey cuddled closer to her.

"Nope, none of it worked until one day the prince showed the princess his heart," I said softly as I watched her eyes start to droop with sleep.

"He showed her that his heart had always belonged to her. That time and distance between them meant nothing since that princess would always own his heart," I whispered to her as I slowly started to move off the bed while trying not to disturb her or her sister.

"What did the princess do?" Libby asked with a happy smile. She knew the ending, but loved to hear it anyway.

"Well, the princess could see that the prince had changed and she gave him a chance, making him the happiest man alive," I said in a whisper that made Libby smile at my words for her.

"Did they live happily ever after?" she asked me with a tired yawn as I stepped away from the bed towards the door.

"Yes, of course they did," I replied with a serious look that made her giggle a sleepy giggle.

"Good night, Libby. I love you," I whispered to her as I turned to leave her room, but she stopped me with a question that she had never asked before.

"But Daddy, what happened to the other prince?" she asked me, shocking me with her new interest in the other prince.

I wanted to tell her that we see that prince a few times a year with his family and the picture on her nightstand displayed her and his son, but I didn't. She would never understand that.

"Oh, well that noble prince went on and found a princess who loved him and they now have their own castle full of their own princes," I replied with a smile, but feeling very uncertain over my explanation to her. Libby, however, was fine with my answer since she just smiled a satisfied smile, as if she had been worried that the other prince was left out in the cold. She was so like her mother in the aspect of worrying about others.

With one final kiss and whispered _I love you Daddy_ I stepped out of the room and made down the hall way to the bedroom I shared with my wife. I walked slowly, gazing at the family pictures that lined the hallway full memories of our life together. Different pictures would catch my eye as I passed. There was one of Bella and me outside of our office. Random family pictures with Demetri and Alice, who had just celebrated their anniversary as well. Sweet pictures with Angela and Felix, who now were married with two daughters of their own, making me smile over the make shift family we had created here thousands of miles away from our real ones.

My eyes went to our wedding picture immediately as we passed. It was in a large cathedral here in the city, not because we needed the room for guests, but because Bella said it made her feel holy and I could deny her nothing. It was an odd wedding party that was just us. Demetri was firmly on Bella's side as the man of honor while my own sister, Alice, who turned into our biggest supporter outside of Demetri, was on my side as my best woman. It was perfect and just us. Bella never looked more beautiful than what she did that day with her long white gown and veil that made her look more like an angel than a bride. She was stunning and just glowing with her love. The other pictures were just as precious as they told our life.

There was no doubt following Bella to Chicago was the best decision I had made short of asking her to marry me. It was liberating to not feel crushed by the Cullen legacy or pressured by my family. It was easy to start over with Bella at my side. It was easier to come home with her every night and make love to her in effort to make up for time lost. Everything with Bella was easy.

I silently opened the door and stepped into the dimly lit room. I stepped in and found my wife standing before our closet wearing only my old University of Washington t-shirt and a pair of panties that had the words _Bite Me_ written across her shapely ass as her back was turned towards me.

Her chestnut colored hair looked almost black from being wet and hung around her shoulders. It was obvious that she did not hear me enter the room so I used this to my advantage as I stepped closer and then finally wrapped my arms around her middle causing her to jump in fright while letting out a slight squeal.

"Edward, what the hell?" she asked me, trying to sound angry, but I could feel her body relax back into mine as I held her and then finally leaned down to kiss her neck.

"The girls are sleep," I whispered into her ear smiling as I felt her shudder against me. She brought her hand up and ran it up my arm as I held her closer while I slid my hand along her sides until my one hand came to rest against the now obvious baby bump she had from our third child that was growing happily inside of her.

We had never planned on a third child even though this baby was wanted and loved. This child result of a weekend getaway after thinking we had the go head from the doctor after my vasectomy. As it turned out we were not all clear and because of it our third daughter was on the way, not that either of us regretted it since we didn't.

Bella turned in my arms to face me with a bright smile that always took my breath away. Her beautiful face was stripped of any make up, but still had that pregnancy glow about it. She was as stunning now as what she was when I first met her almost twenty years ago.

I looked at her and in that instant I was taken back in time. I could see meeting her as she opened her dorm room door that she shared with Alice. I could see her surprised face after our first kiss on her dorm room bed after a night of drinking. I could see her throughout our time together and then finally more recent memories that owned my heart as much as what she did.

I could see my Bella on our wedding day wearing with white lace dress and her promise of forever to me. I could see her tanned and sweaty as we made love on the private beach we went to for our honeymoon. I could see her eyes wide with fear and excitement as we both stared at a positive pregnancy test when we found out we were pregnant with Libby. I could see her tired and glowing after Libby's birth. I could her eyes wide and bright as she waved a pregnancy test in front of my face announcing Audrey pending arrival. I could see her tired, yet blissfully happy as we lay on her tiny hospital bed with a new born Audrey between us as I held her to me.

I smiled at all those memories and many others that flooded my mind as I stared at the woman who made all those happy times possible. Without Bella there would be no happiness for me and that thought always scared me since I knew how close it had come to her choosing Riley over me. He was good to her and loved her when I wasn't there. I knew that she loved him and continued to love him in her own way. I also knew that if he had never made the mistake of doubting her that she would have never had given me the second chance that I had worked so hard at to win her back.

"Edward, where did you go?" Bella asked in a teasing voice as she pulled me out of my thoughts as she stepped closer to me so that her bump of stomach was touching me as she pulled me close to her.

"Sorry, baby," I whispered to her as I leaned down and brushed her limps with mine softly, teasingly as I walked backwards, pulling her with me to our bed until my claves hit the mattress. I slowly sat down in front of her while she watched me with a smile on her face. I pushed up her shirt revealing her protruding stomach and pressed a kiss against her skin as she sighed for me.

I knew my Bella better than anyone and I knew that pregnancy, especially the second trimester, left her feeling good and especially wanton. I smiled ageist her skin as I felt her fingers sink into my hair as I heard her hum with happiness.

"I listened to you with the girls," she said to me with a happy tone as she scratched at my scalp causing me to shudder at the sensation of her nails against my skin.

"Have I told you how incredibly sweet it is to listen to you tell the girls our story," Bella whispered to me in a teasing voice, causing me to look up at her with a smile. Bella loved it when I told our story like it was some sort of s fairytale, not the fucked up mess it started out as. She would say that she loved how I took something so broken and made it beautiful. I told her I did nothing of the sort, it was all her, which always made her smile for me.

She stepped back from me, releasing me as she did. I watched her with her too snug t-shirt as it clung to her large breast as she slowly started to tug the shirt off over her head so she would be almost bare before me, except for her panties, and then pushed me back on the bed with a gentle shove.

I laid back for her and allowed her to crawl over me as I felt her warmth settle over my skin as she straddled my lap. I laid back and watched her as she tugged on my shirt until I finally sat up and pulled it over my head so that I was as bare as what she was. We met skin to skin with her upon my lap, grinding against me with a hiss of pleasure from us both.

My hands traced over her back causing her to shudder as my fingers trailed over her sides until I was slowly cupping her swollen breasts until I was tweaking her nipples with my fingers causing her to gasp at the sensation since her breasts were overly sensitive now, almost to the point of her losing herself to an orgasm from the slight pinch of her skin there. I smiled as I watched her eyes close in pleasure from my touch, knowing that I would make her cum as soon as I licked and sucked her skin there. Bella shuddered in anticipation since she knew it too.

This was my favorite stage of pregnancy and Bella's too. She was over being sick and finally feeling good. Her body was just starting to bloom and to say that it was not sexy as hell to see my child grow within her would be a lie of the blackest deception. I loved seeing the baby bump in place of what was her soft, smooth stomach. It was better than my wedding ring on her finger or my last name hyphenated with hers on all of her documents. It claimed her as mine and that thought always brought me to my knees over her.

"Edward," she moaned softly as she arched her back, pressing her full breast into my face for more attention. She wanted my hands, my mouth on her and I was not one to deny my Bella anything as I pulled her close to kiss and lick her the way she wanted me too.

I would never grow tired of loving Bella this way. I would never grow tired of her soft sighs or how her skin tasted. I would never not want to be like this with her and the thought of that amazed me.

I slowly eased Bella on to her back. It wasn't the most comfortable place for her to be, but I had to taste her. I could hear her soft giggle as she knew I was going to lick her until she came. She fucking loved it and so did I. I loved how she would pull my hair and lead me to where she needed me. I loved how sweet she tasted and how much she would cum just from my tongue alone.

I kissed along her sensitive chest as she whispered her love for me making me smile against her skin as I moved on to the rounded belly that housed our child, peppering her taunt flesh there with soft kisses of thanks for another life that we had created together. I could hear her soft sighs as I showed my reverence for the life growing inside of her.

"Love you," she murmured to me as she urged me on to where she wanted me. I kneeled back and parted her legs as she helped me by letting me them fall back loose and open for my exploration. I knew her body as well as I knew my own. I knew that a soft lick behind her knee would cause her to laugh loudly. I knew how nipping at her inner thigh would make her moan. I knew her so well after years of loving her like this, just like she knew pulling me hair would push me further to make her cum faster so I could be inside of her, fucking her properly.

"Baby, please," she moaned wantonly as I pulled her panties aside to lick at her wet pussy making me smile against her skin. She would never last beyond my tongue inside of her before she came hard and I was fine with that since I was ready to be inside of her. I was aching with want, but always made sure I worshipped her body first to let her know how much I loved her and needed her. It was the very least I could do considering how much she has given me.

I licked her slowly, savoring her sweet taste. I felt her thighs tremble as I pressed my face closer into her, loving her and how she reacted to me. I barely circled her clit with my tongue when she let out a high pitched groan as her body shook beneath me, signaling that she was in the throes of an orgasm. I moved fast, kneeling as I tugged her panties down so she was bare before struggling out of my own clothes.

Once I was a bare as what she was I slipped back between her legs as she welcomed me by holding out her arms for me with a sexy smile that played upon her lips. She was glowing and I fucking loved that I did this for her.

"You are so beautiful," I whispered to her before pressing a soft kiss against her lips as I prodded my dick against her just as I pushed inside of her with a sigh. It would wouldn't matter how many times we made love or how many children we had it always felt the same; tight, wet, warm, heaven. I closed my eyes as I fought off the urge to come while Bella pressed wet kisses along my chin and neck.

I rocked slowly in and out of her, careful of her soft belly that housed our growing child as she moaned happily for me until I could not take the pressure that built inside of me any longer. I pulled out of her hot body abruptly and helped move her until she was on her knees so I could fuck her from behind. IN this position I could go as deep and hard as I wanted with her without worrying about the baby inside.

"Oh god," I heard her moan as I slid deep inside of her tight pussy causing her to quiver beneath me from the sensation of us together. It was the only sound I needed to lose myself in her body until I came with an erratic thrusts and a loud groan while gripping Bella's hips. It was perfect, but it always was perfect with her. I pressed a soft kiss against her back as I gasped for air before pulling out of her slowly with a hiss over the lack of heat I felt without her wrapped around me.

"I love you, Edward," she murmured sleepily as I pulled her into my embrace so I could cuddle close to her as I wrapped my arms around her so my hands were resting on her belly. I fucking loved that baby belly. There was nothing sexier than when she was pregnant with my child, even if she disagreed with me over it.

"I love you too, so much it hurts baby," I whispered in her ear as she smiled for me with her eyes closed. She knew it was true too. She knew I was nothing without her. I felt Bella snuggle closer against me with soft whispers of love as she pressed soft kisses along my skin. The moment was perfect and while our life wasn't always perfect we had managed to find our happily ever after together.

**AN:**

**Thanks for reading! Thanks to everyone who has ever read or placed this story on any type of alert. It has meant the world to me and you mean the world to me as well.**

**Until next time…**

**Take care,**

**Mamasutra**

**xoxo**

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